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| DON’T PUSH ME AWAY |
wanda maximoff x f!reader
1.3K words
warnings: heavy topics mentioned, self harm / cuts and burns, depression, alcohol addiction
Summary: Sometimes running away just brings more pain not only to yourself but also to your girlfriend.
Hi everyone! So this is my first time writing something on here. I’m not a writer but i’d love to try and write short stories with wanda! Also, english isn’t my native language, sorry in advance for the mistakes!
Loud bangs on your door pulled you out of your trance. You didn’t move, even when you heard her voice. You loved her so much and you hated yourself for it. You didn’t deserve her and she definitely didn’t deserve you. She deserved so much better, someone who wasn’t broken.
The banging hasn’t stopped. Anger was starting to find its place washing away the annoyance of the whole situation.
‘Y/N open up now, i know you’re in here!’
It took everything you had not to snap at your girlfriend. She was slowly pushing your buttons and you didn’t know how long you’d last before snapping.
‘I’m coming in!’
You froze. Your brain stopped working for a few seconds before the sound of her keys jinglind brought you back to reality. She couldn’t see you like this. No, that’s why you disappeared. You’re supposed to be strong, supposed to be this though person than nothing can hurt. What would she be thinking if she was to know?
That’s when the door opened and you realized everything was about to end. She would either break up or you would do it.
As soon as she opened the door, her eyes landed on yours. She took in your appearance and her heart broke. She’d never seen you like this. Blood shot and puffy eyes. Tears stains on your cheeks and clothes, clothes that looked like they’d been worn for days. Greasy and messed up hair. But what shocked her the most was how fragile you looked, like you would literally break at any moment.
Tissues were scattered everywhere. As she was taking in the state of your apartment, the smell hit her. Cigarettes and alcohol. Ashes could be spotted on the ground and the amount of dead bottles were concerning.
‘Y/N I-‘
‘You have to leave’ you cut her off.
‘Y/N, baby no. What’s going on? You know you can tell me anything sweetheart.’
‘Please Wands, you have to leave’
Tears started to make their way back to your eyes again. Not 20 minutes ago you thought you’d run out of tears. If only. Why did she have to come here?
Wanda started to make her way toward yourself.
‘I’m not leaving you, not until you talk to me’
‘I’m fine, please just go. I’ll text you tomorrow.’
‘No Y/N, you’re clearly not fine. Don’t lie to me. Last time we saw each other you seemed off by the end of the night. You stopped showing up, how long has it been since we last saw each other? And you’ve stopped replying to my texts. Honey, please tell me what’s wrong. I hate seeing you like this.’
‘Wands I-‘
That’s when you broke down. Her arms rapidly wrapped themselves around your body as you hugged her closer. She held you tightly and made the both of you sit down. She patiently waited for you to calm down.
‘I’m okay really. It looks worse than it actually is.’
‘Y/N I- What is it that you’re afraid of?’ We talk about anything and everything all the time. What’s stopping you from opening up to me now? You know i won’t judge you. I love you.’
You couldn’t look at her. You were so embarrassed. Deep inside, you know she loves you and would never hurt you, judge or make fun of you. But there’s this part of you that just thinks the opposite.
Wanda squeezed your hands and made you look at her.
‘I’m worried about you.’
You looked away and withdrew your hands from hers. After a moment of silence, you took a deep breath and decided to tell her everything.
‘It all started years ago. I was experiencing pretty bad anxiety and panic attacks for the first time and I didn’t know how to deal with them. It was ruining my life, I was really struggling. But as if that wasn’t enough, i also got depressed. It was bad, i didn’t know what was happening. I had never felt that way before. It was overwhelming. I was drowning in sadness and pain and didn’t know how to make it stop. Soon enough, i started to self harm.’
You took a look at Wanda, to make sure that this wasn’t too much for her. You almost hit the wall next to you as the pained expression across her face and the light tears that formed in her eyes broke your heart to pieces. She nodded her head softly, indicating you to continue.
‘I would cut myself and everything would quiet down as i was taking it out on my body. Eventually, i realized this wasn’t going to change anything so i stopped. I got better with time, to the point i think i just fooled myself for months before it all came crashing down. I somehow managed to survive it. But this time I got better not because i was fooling myself but because i needed time. And it took a while but i got out of it. The thing is no matter what i do or feel, at the end of the day i’m still a depressed person. I can smile, laugh and feel good and enjoy things but i’m still depressed.’
Wanda tried to take your hands but you just moved them away. You wanted to get everything out first. You didn’t see the look of hurt that flashed across her face. She wanted to touch you, to comfort you in any way possible but Wanda understood and respected your choice.
‘It got bad again a few days ago and i didn’t want you to know that part of myself so i thought that disappearing was the best option.’
Then you stopped. You turned your head to meet her gaze. She got closer and put her forehead against yours as a way of comforting you while her hands made their way back to yours. You let it happen. After a moment you moved away but let her hold your hands.
‘And just so you know everything, i burnt myself a few months ago. I stopped after the second time and hated myself for doing it because it doesn’t change anything and i’m just left struggling to hide the burns. I also got a drinking problem, I’m not an alcoholic but i don’t have a good relationship with it either.’
You were thankful she did not cut you off once. Nor did she said a word while you were silent avout how she also had her own demons to fight. At this moment you wanted to be listened and she did.
‘Thank you for opening up to me, I know it wasn’t easy for you. And i’m sorry that you feel this way. You’re a wonderful person Y/N with an amazing personality. It’s not because you’re always the funny and not scared of anything kind of person than you talking to me is making you weak. I know this is what you think. You’re not, you’re my wonderful girlfriend that I love so much and who I’d be lost without. Please next time it happens, don’t push me away. I want to be there for you, you don’t have to go through this alone.’
‘Can you hug me?’
‘My baby, come here.’ She said as she pulled you into her arms. You had missed her so much. You were so scared she’d leave you if she was to know. But no, what you didn’t know yet is that you opening up to her about such sensitive and heavy private topics brought you both closer.
What you also didn’t know yet is that Wanda would always be by your side. You were the love her life and she’d offer you the moon if she could.
‘Now let’s get you cleaned up so we can go back to my place. We’ll take care of here another time.’ Your girlfriend said as she kissed your forehead.
A silent promise that you and her would always face anything no matter how hard it was going to be.
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