mayb-thistime - Tumblr blog

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I wish you all guilt free eating this holiday

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I’m never not tired. I live with varying degrees of fatigue every day.

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I have never felt more alone and disconnected from people.

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If rice scary why sushi safe?

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Is anyone else ever genuinely shocked when you find out you have an impact on someone’s life? A coworker can be like “I’ve missed seeing you” and I’m just like “???? you?? missed me????? My presence has an effect on your daily experience???? I affect things??? W h a t ? ? ?”

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do not comment on what I’m eating

do not comment how much I’m eating

do not comment how little I’m eating

do not comment on how healthy it is

do not comment on how unhealthy it is

do

not

comment

on

what

I’m

eating

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just a PSA for all ed people on social media;

if you take the time to go into recovering people’s pages on tumblr, instagram, tiktok, etc. and shame and belittle them, whether it’s recovery from b.e.d, ana, mia, or whatever., you are the ugliest and most cruel person to set foot on this planet, and i hope you get the worst shit coming to you. i hate you i hate you i hate you

*idc if this seems harsh, you know damn well what you’re doing and it’s disgusting.

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Some Healthier ED-Related Tips

Hello dear darlings. I see so many “pro ana” tips and tricks surface all over Tumblr again and again and they honestly make me want to stab a rusty fork in my eye. It’s the same repetitive tips that are destructive and will cause you more harm than good in the long run. SO, with that said, I thought I would help pass around some healthier “tips” for you all. I am not a dietician nor a pro of any sort, I do have anorexia but that doesn’t mean I’m not logically capable of knowing what’s good advice and what will get you killed. So without further adieu:

🍎 Let’s start with the most basic and logical one. GET OUT IF YOU CAN. If you are browsing these tags hoping to trigger yourself into having an eating disorder you can bounce the fuck off my page. It’s been said again and again but you. do. not. want. this. I don’t care how glamorous you think it is, I would give anything to have the choice to turn away.

🍎 I don’t want to sound redundant here but I would like to bring up how important water is because I myself have actually gotten to the point a time or two when ever water scared me. Do not let it scare you!!! Yes if you drown your insides with water you will temporarily gain weight but that’s just it. ITS TEMPORARY. Hydration comes down to the cellular level at its core. Your cells need water to function. Unless you give yourself water intoxication (rare but possible, just sip water and keep your electrolytes in check and you’ll be fine!) then you will never gain actual weight from water. When your cells and other major organs have an optimal amount of water in them, your body will flush out what you don’t need. So guess what? Dehydrating yourself will cause you to retain water like crazy because your body is drying up and doesn’t know when the fuck your next visit to the desert is gonna be so it panics and then you panic and its honestly just a hot mess. Oh and if you’ve seen my Epsom salt bath post circling around, take heed. I promise it’ll suck a lot of water weight right out.

🍎 Go crazy with carbs. I mean it. Be sensible and don’t gorge yourself on them, you should still stick with the calorie goals you feel comfortable so you won’t feel guilty. That said, you can eat tons of fresh whole fruit and veg and still under calorie limit. Carrots? Just 8 cals in a baby one. Spinach? You could eat that miracle veg nonstop and probably get like 70 cals out of it. I bring up carbs because I see a lot of blogs tossing around the keto diet and increasing protein to an insane degree, etc. While protein is vital, especially with concerns of muscle loss (your heart is a muscle, keep it healthy!) you shouldn’t take in more than your daily recommended amount. More than likely you’re reading this because you’re trying to lose weight. Guess what? Keto diets and high protein diets are favoured by people who are trying to GAIN MASS. If you’re looking to put on muscle and stick with that by all means look it up. But if not, a high-carb, low-fat diet is probably you’re best bet. You can either be fitspo or thinspo. Pick one.

🍎 FASTING ISN’T ALWAYS THE BEST OPTION. My dudes I cannot stress this enough. I know how intoxicating it is to fast. I know how much stress is relieved when you don’t have to worry about food or counting anything for the whole day. But fasting also drastically increases your likelihood of binging. I’m sorry but it’s true. Intermittent fasting works well usually only if you are eating a relatively normal amount of calories on off days. Please if you must fast, save it for days you really need to. Do not exercise hard. Do not take in too much caffeine. And for God’s sake if you start to feel dizzy or faint EAT SOMETHING. Will the small amount of weight you lost that day be worth it when you pass out and wake up with a feeding tube down your nose?

🍎 Unless they directly benefit your obsessive or compulsive tendencies, ignore the tips on how you should cut your food/arrange it/etc. You’re only going to stress yourself out more. So here’s some science, bitches. There IS evidence that chewing each mouthful 30 times can lead to greater satiety and less impulsive or accidental over eating. It allows your mouths digestive enzymes time to do their thing and for your brain to pick up the *full* signals. Also, eating on small and dark colored plates and bowls does trick your brain into thinking you have bigger sized meals. Clear heart, full eyes, stupid brain. Take advantage of that, yo.

🍎 Forgive yourself, okay? I know, I know. Breaking your calorie goals and/or binging makes you feel like the most worthless person on the planet. But you know what? Your body makes you snap and binge because it wants you to live. Our minds are sick whether we want to acknowledge that or not. And I think sometimes we forget that what we hate most about our bodies… the way they hold onto weight and shiver and grow tired… is just their way of trying to survive. To keep YOU alive. So when you snap and eat that tub of ice cream or loaf of bread or both and more, don’t beat yourself up. Your body and mind are constantly fighting. You can’t expect to win every single battle. It sucks and you feel like the world is ending but it’s not. Take a deep breath. You’ll be fine.

🍎 Finally, TAKE A MULTIVITAMIN. Everyday. Guys, if you are restricting then you are also restricting nutrient and mineral intake. I don’t care if you’re a high restricter (1000+ cals) or not, multivitamins are so important for us. Im especially looking at you too, purgers. They can literally be a lifesaver. You want to be a dainty and thin living person, not a dainty and thin corpse. And for us vegans/vegetarians, *please* remember your B12. This is extra crucial for us as we cannot get it even through normal veg diets. Let B12 deficiency go on too long and guess what? You got muscular degeneration to deal with.

I know these are mostly recycled but they’re also the most important. I hope you’ll consider these and , of course, stay safe. 💫🌸💖

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Nobody else is watching you the way you're watching yourself. No one is evaluating or judging you like you're evaluating and judging yourself. Everyone else is far too preoccupied with their own flaws and struggles to scrutinize your every move. Find peace in this.

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i hate seeing pro-ana/mia scumbags tell impressionable children that “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”, because that lie (and a few others) really helped bring to life an eating disorder i still haven’t recovered from a decade later.

do you want to know how ‘skinny’ really feels?

‘skinny’ feels like going from captain of a sports team to someone who nearly faints so much that they become the only student in the school to be removed from PE class.

‘skinny’ feels like bombing all of your exams because you’re too hungry to think, and never actually managing to finish school.

‘skinny’ feels like dead eyes, dull hair, yellowed teeth and premature ageing. it feels like aching joints, a million bruises, and no resistance to heat or cold.

‘skinny’ feels like being too preoccupied with your body to enjoy your youth or even allow yourself to be photographed with the few remaining friends who can tolerate your spaciness and food freakouts.

‘skinny’ feels like endlessly waiting for the day when you’re finally light enough to be worthy of love, and weighing your current hunger against this vague point in the future that never comes, because even if you reach the weight you thought you needed to be it still won’t be enough.

‘skinny’ feels like being told you’re too bony to hug.

‘skinny’ feels like watching everyone else live happy, healthy lives while you can’t even do laundry without getting lightheaded, and wondering if you can undo any of the damage you caused by malnourishing yourself for years.

i thought that starving myself would somehow fix my life, but all it did was make things worse. i’m 25 years old and i haven’t really accomplished anything since i was 15. people my age are doing things like graduating from university, getting married, having children, and getting cool jobs, and i’m just trying to convince myself that it’s okay to eat more than 1000 calories a day.

don’t listen to the pro-anas. weighing less isn’t worth risking your future. please eat.

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I hate realizing that this is it. this is life. I only get one chance and I’m spending it crying over food, hurting myself and unable to get out of bed some days.

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Idk who needs to hear it today but having orthorexia doesn’t make you superior to a junkorexic, we’re all dying <3

If you make fun of someone’s safe food: fuck you. If you judge other people for being “unhealthy” while you’re literally starving yourself: fuck you (also you’re a huge hypocrite). If you tell someone that what they’re eating has “no nutrients” or is “empty calories”: fuck you (also blatantly false)

And of course as always, if you judge people for high restriction or feel the need to flex how much less you eat than them (even though you know EDs are competitive by nature and by doing so you’re encouraging them to get worse): FUCK YOU

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If you lost your teenage years to mental illness and/or trauma, I just want you to know that you did not "miss out on the best years of your life" and that it isn't actually too late for you to have fun, explore yourself and grow into the person you want to be. There's still plenty of time for all of that. I promise.

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You wanna know what happens when you're starving?

Your hair gets thin and limp. Noticeably. You don’t have enough nutrients to help it stay healthy.

You get so. Fucking. Cold. All the time. People don’t want to touch you, because you’re so cold. You’ll be shivering under a blanket, in a hot tub, by a fire, wherever you are.

You’ve heard that seeing food will be upsetting? You have no idea. Even if it’s nowhere near you, or on a screen, or in the hands of a stranger, you’ll resent it because you want it. Some nights you’ll start crying because you miss it so much.

Everything will become numbers. You aren’t just walking your dog anymore, you’re counting the minutes and calories you’re burning. You aren’t enjoying a warm day, you’re trying to figure out if the higher temperatures are making your heart rate go up so you burn faster.

Your social life will die. You’ll be skittish and avoid people when they have food in case they offer some. You’ll say no to parties and dates and meet-ups because you think there might be food. You’ll grow paranoid, terrified of people finding out. You’ll start to despise people who love you solely because they want to help.

You’ll hurt. That pang in your chest? It’s probably because you’re not eating. Your stomach? Say goodbye to its silence. Your butt? It’ll hurt whenever you sit down. You’ll get headaches, heart pains, even breathing will eventually become exhausting.

And eventually, you’ll die. Maybe you ate more than usual and couldn’t handle the thought of gaining, and exercised so much that your heart overexerted itself. Maybe you actually did gain, and that enough was enough to make you swallow a handful of pills. Maybe your blood pressure lowered to fatal levels, or maybe you passed out and hit your head on a table.

It all ends the same.

Don’t let the “pro ana’s” fool you, this isn’t a glamorous lifestyle. This is a deadly and painful illness.

I feel like a lot of people need to remember that before they skip a their meals.

Don’t do this to yourselves, you gorgeous humans. You deserve to live. You deserve friends. You deserve love.

You deserve to eat.

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Things I wish people understood about eating disorders:

1. Most people with eating disorders don’t literally starve themselves, they restrict. Just because you see us eating doesn’t mean we’re getting better.

2. The horrible, absolutely torturous feeling we get after we eat. No matter what it is, how many Calories… it’s always there.

3. You. Don’t. Have. To. Be. Thin. To. Have. An. Eating. Disorder. God someone needs to scream this one from the top of a building.

4. It’s life consuming. Food is always on my mind.

What I’ll eat next, when I’ll eat next, how I’ll burn it off

5. I can’t just ‘snap out of it’ and I can’t ‘just eat’

These are two of the worst things you can say.

6. I understand what my disorder is doing to me mentally and physically, believe me I do.

♡