mayhemandtrouble

[mayhemandtrouble]

Some nude study in the form of Kojuro because the PhD stuff is killing me and I really needed to clear my head.

[mayhemandtrouble]

You Hungry?, Chapter 2 of First Heat

Completed story with detailed tags on Ao3

While Rey was busy with the doctor, a fairly straight-forward question and answer session followed by a tour of the grounds, two things were happening. Several hammock beds were being hung in Rey’s rooms - in a variety of styles of course. When she got back, Rey would discover that there were a few that hung from the ceilings, mimicking cocoons and made of a soft fleece-y texture. Another was open, like a broad, square hammock and could easily fit two or even three people. A couple of those hanging egg chairs scattered about. Each complete with more pillows and blankets.

The other was that Ben Solo getting ready to eat a very late lunch.

Technically, it was more a dinner, but since the place never shut down, they just called your mid-shift meal lunch.

Ben’s fingers punched the time for the microwave in the small break room. He wouldn’t eat here, the other employees hadn’t exactly warmed up to him. Not that he’d tried much. It was an open secret that Ben was here as one part community service, one part hoping the other Alphas would serve as a better example for him. All neatly arranged through Daddy’s connections, after the incident.

Dangerous.

Feral.

Monster.

Nobody had to say it, Ben could hear it in every whisper and feel the accusation in every heavy stare. That he hadn’t meant to hurt anyone, that it was over a year ago, nothing seemed to matter. And fuck did he hate that if it weren’t for Uncle Lando swooping in, Ben’s situation would be a hell of a lot worse. 

It hadn’t been Ben’s first brush with the court system but it was the worst. Priors. In light of your history. Mother had screamed at the judge, then stroked Ben’s curly hair with tears in her eyes. They wouldn’t give up, she’d whispered fiercely into his ear. They’d never give up. This didn’t have anything to do with his teen years, they all knew that. It would be all right.

Then Lando swept in, sprinkling the Calrissian charm. A deal was worked out, Ben didn’t know the details. Couldn’t bring himself to want to know them. But this was Ben’s last chance at legal leniency, everyone had made a point of warning him. No missed doses, no contact with old friends, straight and narrow all the way.

Rich, coming from Dad and Uncle Lando, Ben mused darkly as he took the too hot soup container out. It would be a little mushy from the quick reheat but it was good enough. He just had to force the food down, hidden in his favorite little nook and cranny, then Ben could finish his workday. Not that there was a lot to look forward to at home.

The doctor hadn’t been terrible. A warm but calculating sort with short brown hair who went by Dr. Alice, and Dr. Alice informed Rey that the blockers were probably already wearing off. Rey would start to notice a difference in how people smelled any time now, and would likely go into heat in a day or two, three at the most. If not, they’d reassess but Dr. Alice didn’t see any reason to be particularly concerned. The center certainly had enough Alphas floating around to prompt even the shyest Omega drives to take off. Evidently this was one of the many reasons some people opted to have their heats in centers.

Dr. Alice wasn’t wrong either, at least so far. By the time Rey had toured the lovely gardens and indoor heated pool, she was starting to catch whiffs of the others. Personally, she would have preferred time to ruminate on why the heat center even had those things - hardly anyone was using them although there was a petite teen quietly sketching in the garden. Maybe there were more people like her than Rey thought, opting to come early and wait for their cycles in peace, protected from the potential of unwanted advances and resulting bad decisions.

 Instead, however, Rey was noticing a smell coming off passerby in a way she never had before. It was disconcerting, walking past someone going about their own business and suddenly becoming aware of their status - like it was any of her fucking business! Mostly Betas and Omegas though occasionally her own inner Omega would chirp Alpha .

She wasn’t sure what she expected an Alpha to smell like. Rey knew that her wank material had to be taken with several hundred pounds of salt but still. Something approaching pleasant would have been preferred. They all smelled distinctly and utterly wrong.  

Maybe it was because the sample size was too small for an actual representative analysis, just a few passed in the hallway wearing employee name badges. They must have scented her too but - as the handout had promised - each one only gave her a warm smile, a friendly nod of acknowledgement, and went about their business.

Even her rooms smelled wrong . Rey wanted to roll around and get her own scent on everything. New and confusing impulses. She hated it.

The desire to ‘fix’ the smell was strong enough to break her concentration anytime Rey attempted to get work done. Roaming the halls with her laptop bag in an effort to find a place that smelled ‘safe’ only added more frustration. How did any Alphas or Omegas get anything done when not on blockers, ever! 

At least a series of sympathetic text messages from Finn and Rose reassured Rey that this was, in fact, pretty normal for an Omega coming into their type. Puberty pains, if you will. Poe, the ass, just reminded Rey that he’d offered to take care of her heat personally. Rey’s phone was still blowing up with the other two screaming at him in the group chat.

Rey lifted her head a little, catching a whiff of something. Oh… that smelled good, whatever that was. New and comforting, like a safe embrace mixed with leather and spice. Slipping her phone into the back pocket of her jeans, she picked up her pace a little - intending to go straight to the source!

“Can I… help you?” Ben Solo arched his eyebrow, a plastic spoon halfway to his mouth. The woman who stuck her head in had quite literally just thrust her head through the door, sniffing aggressively. Long brown hair, currently twisted up in a messy bun at the back of her head and secured with a mechanical pencil.

“Nothing smells bad in here.” Rey exhaled in relief, as though that answered everything. It was a fairly standard administrative support room, the kind with big copiers that can make hundreds of stapled packets at a time. Boxes upon boxes of printer paper, toner, Sharpies, kleenex. The usual.

“Uh… thanks?” Leaning back slightly, his brows knit together in confusion. Normally he’d be annoyed at dealing with a patient during his break but this promised to at least be entertaining. The intruder didn’t appear to be in active heat but, with stone washed jeans and a beige sweater top, she definitely wasn’t an employee.

“I just went off my blockers for the first time.” Rey grumbled, unpacking her laptop bag without bothering to ask permission - too focused on her tasks. Ben was seated at a counter, in a plastic chair that looked almost too small for the broad Alpha frame. Rey noted that the man was clearly an employee, wearing the required soft blue colored scrubs with the Calrissian logo embroidered on the chest. A darker blue sweater jacket, with the same logo, was draped across the back of the chair. 

“Got it. But why are you setting up a laptop, in here?” Ben finally swallowed the spoonful, slowly stirring the bits of chicken and noodle and large hunks of boiled matzah.

“Everything in my rooms smells weird, everywhere I go just smells…. Wrong. ” Plopping up on the counter near Ben’s meal, she inhaled slowly again. Yes. This was where the good smell was coming from. Alpha , her inner Omega chirped happily but Rey shook her head. Just because he didn’t smell bad wasn’t the same as smelling good and it was probably just his lunch.

“Right. But most people aren’t expected to report into work while they are at heat centers. So… Want to clue me in?” Smirking, Ben let the spoon settle in the bowl and leaned back to take her in. She’d scrambled up onto the counter to sit criss-cross with the laptop in her lap, her green eyes fixated on the screen intently. The woman seemed to buzz with energy and determination to achieve her goal, whatever the hell it was. Fucking endearing.

“Look, I got my dream job at Organa Enterprises two months ago. My doctor wants me to have my first heat so that they can tick off the box that I’m healthy with normal function. I’m not getting behind because I’m about to be really horny for a few days.” Rey snapped, quickly booting up the software. Murmuring to herself as her green eyes darted over the screen. “There we go, that’s my baby…”

“You know it’s substantially more than just ‘really horny’, don’t you? There’s a reason places like this exist.” Fuck he liked this one. Leaning back in, Ben lifted another spoonful to his mouth. Unable to resist, his own nostrils flared as his own subconscious demanded he try to catch her scent. The blockers he took to survive his job usually made it pointless. He caught something though. Soft, syrupy sweet mixed with fresh linens. Could be her perfume. Maybe. Ben liked it though.

“It’s been made abundantly clear, Mister What-The-Hell-Your-Name-Is…. Ben!” Rey tacked on his name in exasperation when he oh-so-very-helpfully lifted and dangled the employee name badge. Glaring, she made the mistake of leaning in.

The scent was stronger now, whatever it was that smelled so good. Rey closed her eyes for a moment, trying to pinpoint it. Safe. Safe and Alpha. Not like the other Alphas. Different. Better. Very different.

“If you’re hungry, you could just ask instead of inhaling it.”

There was a barely concealed snort of laughter in the man’s voice that made Rey pop her eyes open, only to discover she’d lowered her head quite a bit in trying to track the origin. Leaning in towards him and his lunch, and now reeling back with a furious blush on her face.

“I just don’t recognize the smell.” Rey grumbled, hiding her face by looking at her screen.

“It’s matzah ball soup. Here. Try some. Homemade, no one can beat my Mom’s.” Catching a nice hunk of matzah ball with the spoonful, Ben offered it to her without thinking. It isn't quite standard for a stranger to offer another stranger their own, used spoon. It was even more peculiar for Ben to offer anyone … well… anything. To be in a position to offer something meant having socialized for one thing, usually in person.

It smelled too good, especially close like this. Rey’s mouth darted forward, not even considering the potential intimacy of the moment until the flavors were on her tongue. 

It tasted of heaven, of comfort and warmth and the promise of safety. Rey wasn’t sure if it was the warmth of the chicken broth or the soft texture of the matzah that felt like chewing upon a cloud to her. Or perhaps it was the electric undercurrent of it all, a tingle that seemed to resonate from her mouth and down her body into parts beyond. Was it possible to taste an Alpha? 

She’d have to ask Rose. Rose, Finn and Poe were all bonded to each other - Rey didn't ask for the details nor did she especially want them - but of anyone Rey would actually be comfortable asking, Rose would know if there was some kind of… flavor… difference between Alphas. Then there was the smell that had to be Ben, growing stronger the longer she leaned in close.

He smelled like leather and nights outside, watching a crackling bonfire. Only his eyes were the embers, catching her gaze and setting her blood on fire. Forcing her to look, making her memorize every detail of his face. From the full lines of his lips, to the beauty marks tossed over his skin like stardust. Were there more? If she opened his shirt and trailed her fingers down his chest, could she trace constellations with her fingertips and giggle when he caught her?

“It’s… really good.” Slowly leaning back, Rey swallowed hard. Where the hell had all that come from? Why did she feel an unfamiliar trickle of heat gathering beneath her jeans?

“Have more. You need to put some weight on.” Ben smirked, well aware he was being a complete asshole as he pushed the rest of his soup towards her. He shouldn’t be letting her look at him like that. It would only lead to trouble on every level. Still. 

She liked his family’s recipe. The subdued Alpha in him was pleased. Even more so when she grabbed it, while sticking her tongue out at him, before taking another mouthful. Show the Omega you can provide , it demanded. Absolutely uncaring about things like ‘improper employee/patient involvement”.

“Fuck you, pretty sure the substitute Alphas are supposed to be respectful towards the patients. It was in my packet.” She’d kill him. She would. But it meant he was looking and that was a good thing. It felt like one anyway, to the newly blooming Omega inside her head.

“Two things: I’m off the clock right now so I can do what I want and… who said I’m one of the stand-ins? I’m what you call ‘unacceptable’.” Ben smirked, leaning back and folding his arms across his chest. Watching as her adorable face wrinkled up in confusion. It was fairly common for patients to think that any Alpha they caught whiff off was one of the stand-ins. It was even understandable. But untrue. Granted, there weren’t many Alphas who could deal with working in a heat center while NOT being one of the ‘stunt knots’. He was, however, the only one who's hours had to be logged for court as well as a paycheck.

“You’re infuriating.” Her brows wrinkled and she leaned a bit back, swallowing another spoonful of his mother’s soup while Rey glared at him.

“Understatement of the year. Since you’re eating my lunch, do I get your name?” Ben would be hungry later but there were packets of snacks in the vending machines and he could always swipe an uneaten dessert from the kitchen when no one was looking. It wasn’t like this place didn’t have goodies all over.

“Rey. Are you always this rude to patients?”

“Only when they interrupt my lunch.” It was difficult to take her complaint seriously when she was chewing happily on a piece of chicken, Ben noted. She’d probably kill him if he said that. 

“Hey! Ren! Hurry up!”

Rey had been about to reply when another worker stepped partially through the door, rolling her eyes to see that the notorious Ren was chatting with one of the patients. Ben, for his part, seemed entirely unruffled by both the scolding and the distaste. Instead, he just haphazardly threw his lunch pack together and shot Rey a smirk.

“Enjoy it and get the container back to me tomorrow. Otherwise Mom’ll have my head.” Leaving the interesting little Omega was disappointing. Ben had deeply wanted to tease her about working for Mother’s company. Hopefully he’d get a chance when Rey returned the container, assuming she actually did. Well aware it was both against protocol and his own best interests, all things considered, but even through the blockers he could catch a whiff of her. That, combined with her spicy personality, made her fascinating.

Ben left too quickly for Rey to ask about what she guessed was a nickname, though she could hear the other employee scolding Ben indistinctly as they walked down the hall. She wasn’t interested in that, to be honest. What held Rey’s attention was that the large Alpha had left food for her and, perhaps more importantly, he’d forgotten his jacket in his haste. Her inner Omega was beyond delighted, on a number of levels.

With no one else in the room, she set the soup aside and snagged the material quickly. It wasn’t the most comfortable - the sort you get in bulk from mass order uniform companies - but it was warm and he’d clearly worn it often. When she held it up to her nose, Rey could smell him clearly. A thick, spicy scent like cinnamon and ginger cookies baking for a holiday, filling her entire flat and bolstering her mood.

Rey’s green eyes darted up, making sure no one was watching as she shoved Ben’s jacket in her laptop bag and quickly secured both of her prizes. This was ridiculous, she scolded herself. The man was an asshole but he’d given her food - homemade no less! - and she was taking his damn clothing because it smelled good?!?!?

Yes. Yes, she was. 

Rey spent the rest of that night curled up in one of the hanging egg chairs, with her laptop balanced on her legs, and Ben’s oversized jacket wrapped around her like a blanket. It was large enough on her to be one, practically speaking, and she could get a good whiff every time she tilted her head down. She’d give this back to him with the soup container tomorrow, Rey reasoned. She was only looking after it, borrowing it temporarily. 

That Rey would try to find Ben again tomorrow was simply a forgone conclusion that she didn’t bother trying to puzzle out. 

Completed story with detailed tags on Ao3

[mayhemandtrouble]

What The Fuck am I Doing Here?

Chapter 1 of First Heat, full story on A03 with detailed tags

Rey stepped into the medical building carrying a backpack, a laptop messenger bag, and a small overnight bag. Calrissian heat centers were the cream of the crop - the sort of places that practically doubled as luxury, five star hotels that you saw on social media. The ones influencers would take selfies in the lobbies of, trying to sell the illusion they were more famous than they were. In addition to the licensed, highly trained and well paid medical professionals, this place had a fucking spa. Just in case you wanted to get a pedicure right before you went into heat, ya know? Then again, for all Rey Niima knew, maybe going through a heat required a full body massage as prep with a facial at the end. It wasn’t like she’d ever had one before, the heat or the spa day.

“Miss Niima? Oh, are those your pronouns, we only just got your file.” The voice was chipper, coming from a tall and willowy figure with a clipboard. Administrative staff. Rey could peg the types from a mile away, after all the group homes and trips through CPS. They’d given her a last name from the town they found her, and where they should have left her.

“Yeah… she/her, you got it. You?” Shifting uncomfortably, Rey glanced over the place again. Marble floors, the kind that echo, and a fountain in the middle of the lobby. People weren’t milling about but there were others being checked in, or maybe out. Lush plants all over the place, so neatly trimmed they looked fake.

“They/them, though I’m flexible. Call me Sherry, I’m here to make your stay as pleasant as possible. Step into my office?” Their golden curls bounced with every step and Sherry offered Rey a bright smile that was remarkably disarming.

“Uh… sure. Not sure what any of this entails, just kinda… hoping to get through it as quickly as possible.” Rey followed them, noting the impressive speed their guide maintained in stupidly high and narrow heels. This place really was lux and it made the back of her neck itch.

“Got it.” Their voice was warm, gesturing for Rey to step through an open door and take a seat. Instead of a wide desk, Sherry would settle into another comfortable chair beside Rey. Once the door was closed for privacy, of course. “We got your doctor’s letter a few days ago and then your endo report this morning, but we haven’t had a chance to tailor your rooms to your type. Mustelid, right? So you’ll want some hammock beds?”

“Ferret. They’re weasels so… I guess…” Rey’s voice sounded small even to herself. She hadn’t had the resources and time to actually get the damn bloodwork to narrow things down until she’d landed the job at Organa Enterprises. It wasn’t much of a surprise to her or her friends, Rey had always been a fearless ball of energy and determination, her nimble fingers solving puzzles to achieve things others considered impossible. She could piece together bits of discarded projects to create something new and better. “It’s my first heat so…”

“Right, I saw that you’ve stayed on blockers to prevent it till now. You don’t have to tell me, or anyone here, anything you don’t want to but do you mind if I ask why. We just want to make sure that you have all the support you need if you’ve been afraid of it.”

“No, just… It was cheaper to stay on the meds than it was to take time off work and things have been really tight so…” Rey shifted awkwardly in the plush chair. Getting the role of project designer at Organa had changed her world dramatically, with a vast increase in income, actually having insurance - let alone an amazing plan that covered a place like this! 

Her head was still whirling from the sheer happenstance of it all. One moment, she’d been standing in a hardware store - unable to stop herself from inserting herself into an argument a silver haired man was having with an employee about wiring set-ups. Rey didn’t make a habit of getting into other people’s lives but, in her defense, the employee was spouting all sorts of nonsense, the stranger rolling his eyes, annoyed and the actual answer was right there. 

The stranger had grinned, lopsided and warm as he handed a business card suddenly. For his wife’s company, he’d said. She was hiring and he liked Rey’s spunk. He’d even made a point of getting her name, for when she called. He’d rebuffed her when she tried to call him Mister. Everyone just calls me Han, she’ll laugh her ass off if you tell her Mister Solo told you to call.

The interview had been surreal. Ms. Organa’s office was immaculate, almost disturbingly so save a few personal photos on the desk - all angled towards the occupant and, despite her curiosity, Rey had managed to keep her gaze steady on the older woman. Nervously reciting her qualifications from the fluffed up resume that Poe had made the night before, focusing on her history with fabrication, alteration and knowing what she could sell for a profit. 

It hadn’t even lasted long. When Ms. Organa stood, smoothing down the custom tailored suit, Rey had been certain it was to escort her off the premises. She hadn’t really been expecting to get the job, but fuck it would have nice to not fail out so fast. I don’t believe in wasting time, Rey. When can you start?

“-and we’ll provide a variety of stealables of course, just in case you do want them. When everything is over, we’d appreciate any feedback to help with your next visit.”

“Next visit?” Jerked back to the moment, Rey finally looked at the folder that was being pressed gently into her hands. It was fairly thick, with packets of information that Sherry had probably just gone over.

“Nothing is set in stone. But part of our mission here is to make everyone’s heat or rut a comfortable, safe process that is as enjoyable as possible. There are many reasons why people opt to come here instead of doing things at home, and all of them are perfectly valid. If you ever decide to come back, we want to make sure we are ready for you whenever you need us. We can also transfer your information, at your discretion, to another of our locations or another center entirely.” Pausing, they offered Rey a genuine smile that had melted many an insecure wall. “We’re here to take care of you. Now, it’s a lot to take in - do you have a preference for your view? There are rooms with a view of our gardens, ones with the mountain view or-”

“Just… something green, please.” Exhaling slowly, Rey needed this conversation to be over. She wasn’t sure which was more unsettling, the luxury at her fingertips or that Sherry seemed to actually want to help.

The word ‘rooms’ hadn’t been a joke or slip of the tongue. There was even a fucking gift basket in the small kitchenette, curtesy of Organa Enterprises and signed by her team. A little embarrassing to think of them all contemplating her heat but it wasn’t like she’d hidden the reason for wanting a week off. Having your first heat this late, even by design, was a bit awkward and the other Omega team members had each shared their own little tips and tricks. And it was tasteful, filled with easy to eat snacks like apples, dried fruit and individual packets of crisps, coated pretzels. Several bottles of fancy sparkling water.

Rey stuck the entire basket in the fridge, having to shift more bottles of water to make it fit. The damn thing was fully stocked with cold cuts in quick open type containers. Individual packs of tuna in foil, the ones you can rip open with your teeth. A nearly saccharinely sweet ‘welcome home’ letter on the counter revealed there were cured meats of all types in the cabinets. A few packs of crackers, some cheese, a couple different types of bread loaves but largely everything provided by the center was catering to the obligate carnivore diet of her Omega type.

At Finn’s encouragement, Rey had picked the top tier package and had been shocked when her manager announced the company would cover whatever the insurance didn’t. Evidently the ‘unusual breeding circumstances’ clause in the company benefits line was openly encouraged to be applied with creative interpretation. Beside, he’d whispered in that hush-hush company gossip tone, the whole reason it existed was supposedly Ms. Organa’s family struggled with their breeding cycles and births. So, it wasn’t much of a stretch at all to apply to a later-in-life heat.

“This place is way too fucking much.” Muttering to herself as she unpacked in the bedroom. There wasn’t much in the way of clothing storage space. Most people didn’t stay as long as she was, her doctor had firmly ‘suggested’ that Rey arrive early and let the blockers wear off in the safety of the center. That way, if there were any complications, medical professionals would be immediately on hand around the clock. 

Rey reluctantly had ceded the point - she’d been on very strong blockers for a very long time with no breaks. And while nobody had any reason to expect issues, it was probably best practice to encourage her to make full use of the resources at hand. Still. It was infinitely uncomfortable, how much everyone kept trying to emphasize how normal and natural this shit was but also, let’s make sure we’ve got you wrapped up in cotton and bubble wrap ‘cause you just might break. It was like getting her first period, all that ‘beauty of becoming an adult, here is pain and suffering’ shit.

She flopped back onto the bed, which was large, round and set into the floor with more pillows than a Bed, Bath and Beyond. For nesting, Rey figured, thumbing through the packets Sherry had given her. In an hour, she’d go meet with one of the resident doctors, who would be overseeing Rey’s transition off her current blockers and then onto a less… aggressive… dosing when the heat was over.

Her nose scrunched up, looking over a list of heat aides Rey could request be brought to her room. There were things she would have expected like ice packs but most of the items brought an unexpected blush to her face. Different brands of lubes, nicely labeled as to which were oil or water based. Contraceptives of different varieties. Vibrators, dildos and plugs with oddly sterile descriptions. The page ended with a footnote, encouraging the visitor to load the Calrissian Heat Center app on their smart device to view images of potential items, see an expanded list, and make their requests with privacy-protecting anonymity.

This place. Too fucking much. Rey shook her head, trying to imagine the sort of person who would want to pick out sex toys by reading clinical descriptions. Maybe the paper list was for the more conservative or uncomfortable crowd? Or maybe it was just to not sound like porn - the line could get kinda thin here and it wasn’t like ‘adult entertainment media’ wasn’t on the list.

What made the blush creep all the way to the tips of her ears was the little packet on stand-in Alphas. ‘For Omegas visiting us without an Alpha, there are stand-ins available. Our professionals must pass exhaustive training. They will attend to your needs during your stay here with the utmost respect. We know that sometimes even bonded pairs can not attend to each other due to extreme circumstances, so rest assured. Whatever your reason is for seeking a stand-in, your comfort, your privacy and your dignity are our highest priority.” There weren't any pictures of the options, thank goodness, although there was a similar footnote that more information was available through your care team or the app.

Rey hurled the entire folder across the room and reached over to snag her laptop. She needed to get some work done and get her mind off this crap. Maybe one hell of a stiff drink when the meet-and-drink with the doctor types was over. Chapter 1 of First Heat, full story on A03 with detailed tags

[mayhemandtrouble]

CONFESSION:

When I think of Varric, I know he's going to be one of those characters I will always remember.  I'll be in a resting home one day and watching TV commercial about some sort of portable holodeck game systems and I will start talking  to the caregivers about the games I used to play and I know I will end up rambling about Varric.  He's just one of those characters you can't forget.  

[mayhemandtrouble]

Delicate Hunger

[mayhemandtrouble]

I AM NOT WHAT YOU MADE ME.

[mayhemandtrouble]

don't touch me 🩸

[mayhemandtrouble]

Here's to Tomorrow, last chapter of Not Giving Up

Full story with detailed tags on A03

Peace was weird. Ben watched as Rose and Finn signed off on a short time rental home. That’d he had found for them. Because it made Rey smile to know they would stay nearby, at least for a little while longer.

Mother had never seemed so happy in all Ben’s life, which utterly confused him. He wouldn’t have thought Mother could be happy without some galaxy-wide project to manage. His childhood memories often included her sternly taking some politician down at least five pegs. Leia Organa surely needed at least a planet to keep her busy, yet two infants and three porgs seemed to occupy all her attention. Certainly, his mother showed no signs of leaving - remotely oversee conducting what matters couldn’t be delegated.

Ben kept waiting for Chewie to leave. After all, the war was over. The Wookie had his own family to get back to. Ben had only met Waroo, Chewie’s son, once. In the times before Darkness plagued him, when Chewbacca traveled between wherever Han was and Kashyyyk more often. Ben didn’t have the nerve to ask and Chewbacca wasn’t volunteering any thoughts on leaving. He seemed quite set on staying with Rey until Ben proved himself to Chewie’s satisfaction.

At least, Chewie had started sitting near Ben in the evenings, while the new father took care of the twins. The Wookie would burp one while Ben fed the other. They weren’t exactly talking, per say, but they worked well together for the sake of Breha and Padme.

Rey and the girls… When he looked at them too long, Ben thought he was looking at a new sun, bright and shining with no regard to the brilliance they were casting into the Darkness. Standing, he crossed the tile floor to his wife - currently sprawled out on a soft mat with the girls. Plopping ungracefully on the floor to join them, he let himself bask in the smile Rey shone at him.

“Breha is smiling.” Rey could hear the excitement vibrate in her own voice as she spoke. It was hard to believe their two little ones were here, safe with a large and loving family surrounding them all. 

“It’s probably gas.” He smirked, feigning hurt when she gave him a well-deserved but half-hearted smack to his chest. 

“Daddy is awful, isn’t he?” She cooed at Breha, who was making a determined effort to focus on Mother. 

“Agreed.”

Rey chuckled at Ben’s assent, watching him gently bop Breha on the nose with a barely there touch. As though protesting being ignored, Padme began to wail. Rey’s smile grew larger to see Ben oh-so-very-gently lift the crying baby into his arms. She’d never get tired of this sight, the broad chested man reverently cradling a small infant. Rocking her with a seemingly endless supply of patience, until Padme was soothed.

Tucking a small, round pillow - meant to decorate furniture and not actually be used - under her head, Rey rolled onto her back and cuddled Breha against her own chest. She could feel the infant breathing and hear Ben settle against the richly upholstered arm of a nearby chair. Regardless of where the others ended up, wherever Ben and the twins were, that was her home.

“I’m glad you’re here.” 

She murmured it to him and he knew Rey meant more than this afternoon. Ducking his head a little, he admired the silver bracelet she wore. Rey never didn’t wear much jewelry, unless he put it on her. Then she never removed it.

“Me too.” He managed a quiet reply, kissing the forehead of his daughter. It looked like Padme was smiling at the affection. Even if it probably was gas, it melted his heart. They always did, all three of them. All they had to do was smile at him.

That night, Rey and Finn settled the girls in their respective cribs while Ben and Rose shared ale and wine with Leia and Chewie. Rose was starting to learn that the General wasn’t always The General and Ben wasn’t Kylo Ren, though the latter was an understandably harder lesson. 

“Oh you didn’t!” It was, however, a great deal easier when Leia was humiliating her son by telling tales on his toddler days. Rose nearly spit out her ale with laughter, trying to picture Chewbacca half shaved.

“Mother.” Ben groaned, burying his face into his hand. Chewie snorted with deriding laughter and Ben tried to slide further into his chair. “I was… six! That’s basically a newborn for Wookies isn’t it?”

Chewbacca trilled some sarcastic reply and Leia chuckled all the harder. It was nice to watch the ‘kids’ drink and talk together, reminding her of when she used to supervise Ben and his friends. 

“Ben, you were seven if you were a day and I should know. We were sweeping Wookie shavings and the spilled instant dry-out of the house for weeks.” Taking a sip of her wine, Leia shot Rose a conspiratorial glance and added in a false whisper. “He cried, thinking Chewie would never talk to him again.”

“I thought parents are supposed to save the embarrassing stories for the spouse, not everyone.” He grimaced far more dramatically than he actually felt. It was… easier… now, the simple conversations and social interactions Ben thought he had forever abandoned. The wounds were still there, looking at his newborns he struggled all the harder to understand how Uncle could have ever threatened a boy Luke had helped raise. But… he was starting to remember the value of these moments outside of tactical advances.

“Parents are meant to take every chance to embarrass their grown children that they can get!”

Leia smiled and Rose watched the older woman’s lips as they rose in a beautiful curve. The General seemed quite content to live in this ‘prison’ with Rey and her family. And the home Rose would soon be moving into, with Finn, was quite lovely. It felt surreal, a dream that Rose would wake up. Maybe Paige would still be alive. 

“Pretty sure that’s what my Da would have said.” Rose smiled a little into her bottle. There was still fighting, to be sure. Plenty of clean-up but Rose needed a break and Finn deserved a chance to actually live, not merely survive. Everyone in the galaxy would have to find a way forward.

There was a faint lull in the conversation following Rose’s reference to her own family, with Leia looking into her wine glass.

“Where are they?” Ben asked, suddenly entirely too sober for the moment. He was certain he knew the answer.

“They were miners on Hay Minor.” She took a drink from her bottle, gazing on the beautiful lake before them. 

“I’m sorry.” He’d known. Known and yet didn’t know. Hays Minor had been little more to him than data, the successful results of weapons testing. He hadn’t been involved, hadn’t given the order - more because it simply wasn’t his department in the First Order, than any notion he would have refrained. But with his growing redemption, Ben felt the weight of every life lost to the First Order more and more sharply, regardless of his direct involvement.

“They used to share our baby stories with anyone who would listen.” She pushed ahead without concern for Ben's self-reflection, unsure how to respond to such a thing anyway. Being apologized to for the murder of her family by the former Supreme Leader of the First Order was so bizarre as to be impossible. Something to process later, laying next to Finn in bed.

“That sounds like Dad all right.” Ben smirked to cover his complicity, taking another slow drink. Han would have liked Rose, a sweet girl who burned with a fervent loyalty to what was right. Though he would have teased her endlessly. Probably better for Rose that Father wasn’t around.

“Your Father would have broadcast your every moment if I had let him.” Leia laughed, leaning back to look at the growing stars above. “He couldn’t have been prouder of you if he tried.” 

Ben grimaced at the thought, deliberately ignoring Rose’s laughter at his expression. Mother wasn’t wrong however, he could remember Father showing off pictures and vids even when Ben was starting there, wishing that he could melt into the floor. Such a pity he’d failed Father at every point.

“I’m thankful you prevailed.” Pushing the self-defeating thoughts away, at least for now, Ben turned his head at approaching footsteps. “Did you have a good talk?”

“Yeah,” Finn wrinkled his nose in disdain as he approached the others. He would never get used to how the asshole made it so clear that he was a step apart from them all. Ren knew things he shouldn’t, yet didn’t seem to care about them. The only thing you could rely on, for now anyway, was that Ren was determined to stay wherever Rey and the children were. “Rey said she’s heading to bed early.”

“I’ll go join her then.” Rising, Ben ran his hands lightly over his clothing as though there were someone to impress, before snagging his bottle. As he passed Finn, Ben pressed the bottle into Finn’s hand - the other man accepting it out of reflex. “Kill this for me.”

Ben was more than content to leave a half-full bottle of expensive ale for the garbage, but it was so much more fun to fluster and annoy the other man. His dark eyes danced while his long legs quickly widened the distance between them, heading for the bedroom where Rey was settling down for the evening. Behind him, Finn was chucking the half-empty bottle in the trash with an annoyed grunt.

“What was that about?” Rose frowned, leaning back into Finn’s arms as he settled behind her. Taking a sip from her bottle, the ale tasting better for her flavor and the sweetness improved his mood.

“I’ll explain later.” Finn grumbled but pressed a kiss to the back of Rose’s neck. The jerk’s words certainly confirmed Finn’s suspicions though. Ben had been an delibate instigator of the chance to speak privately with Rey. Only a few moments after offering to help Rey put the girls down, Ben had uncharacteristically shepherded Rose and Leia away for drinks, under the gruffly worded guise that the niche beer would spoil if not consumed quickly enough.

He hated owing the ass a favor.

“Ben?” Rey’s sleepy voice was barely a whisper in an effort to make sure the infants didn’t wake. Calling out was more habit than requirement - she felt her husband’s presence coming down the hall without even trying. Still, it was nice to hear his murmured affirmation as Ben moved through their bedroom, quietly preparing for bed.

The mattress shifted as he slipped under the covers beside her, shifting quickly to slide his strong arms around her smaller frame. The scent of her hair set his demons to rest, letting him close his eyes in peace. He could sense their children sleeping peacefully in their cribs, and feel the movement of Rey’s breathing in his embrace. In these moments, all seemed right in the galaxy.

“Did you and the traitor have a productive conversation?”

“We did.” Rey could hear the smirk dripping off his words and she rolled her eyes in the darkness. Giving his shoulder a playful but scolding nip, she sighed in exasperation. “How long have you known?”

“Long enough to get bored of his cowardice.” Ben replied calmly, burrowing his features further into his wife’s brown hair. 

“Finn isn’t a coward, he’s-”

“Incredibly insecure, especially regarding people he respects. I know the type.” Commenting dryly and deliberately refusing to acknowledge any self-comparisons. He could hear Rey having to swallow a laugh, then felt her arms wrap around him.

“I’ll start giving him lessons after he and Rose are settled in their place. We might be able to start something wonderful here.”

There was stardust in her voice, Rey was looking towards the future and seeing something grand. Perhaps an academy of her own. It wouldn’t be the worst idea, he mused, though his presence would-

“Don’t you dare.”

“I thought peeking was rude?” Her scolding broke his train of thought and Ben shook his head in amusement.

“I’ll do anything I need to, to protect you.” Rey huffed in quiet indignation. Breathing deeply, she nestled close into his arms and inhaled the scent of leather mixed with fresh linens. “I love you, Ben Solo, and I’ll keep choosing you and our family over whatever you think I could have without you.”

Mercifully, Rey didn’t comment on the moisture that seeped into her soft strands. So strange, for it to be raining indoors after all. Ben was simply grateful that Rey let him hold her extra tight, giving him reassurance in their future however he needed it. And in so doing, Rey felt the strength of his devotion to her, to them. Ben would never make her face another day alone. They drifted off to sleep like that, tangled up in each other and catching occasional snippets of laughter from outside. Savoring the joy of the family both inside the room, and outside. Full story with detailed tags on A03

[mayhemandtrouble]

Where To Now, Chapter 34 of Not Giving Up

Full story on A03 with detailed tags

The next weeks blurred together, at least for the new parents. Eat, change diapers, feed the twins, sleep for a few minutes, repeat until time loses all meaning and you can’t remember the last time you were clean. Leia showed no sign of leaving Varykino, and thus neither did Chewie - with both Rey and Leia in the same place, there was no getting rid of the Wookie.

Rose, Finn and Poe would leave occasionally for day trips into the nearby cities and towns. They would return with supplies of groceries, gifts for the babies and mother, and packets of information that Rose and Finn looked over carefully. It took Rey embarrassingly long to realize the couple were seriously looking at housing nearby - less because anything was being hidden and more because she was simply too tired to connect the mental wires. 

The overwhelming feeling of exhaustion had made Rey push back when Ben insisted she go train. Though he cautioned moderation, her husband was insistent on the point and had even recruited Finn to his cause. Against the pair of annoyed puppy eyes, she didn’t have a chance. 

Still, she had to admit that the feel of a staff in her hands was shockingly soothing. Fresh clothes of soft, loose white linen trousers and tunic made for a comfortable workout and stepping into the familiar routines was like coming home to herself. Moving through each stance, she savored the beautiful stretch in her muscles. Rey felt the exercise clearing her mind, till nothing existed but the sound of her footwork and the whirr of her staff cutting through the air. 

Rey had nearly forgotten the meditative properties of the Jedi training, so focused on the twins and securing Ben’s future. He was going to be incredibly smug over being right, Rey mused as she splashed her face with cold water, already picturing the smile on his handsome face. She’d needed to get back to this.

“I sincerely hope you aren’t going to let your lessons go to waste. You annoyed me enough to get them.”

Rey’s good mood quickly soured, whirling on the ball of her foot with water droplets flicking off her features from the movement. Staff held at the ready, regardless of the ineffectiveness against the cerulean features of her former teacher.

“He’s rubbing off on you, you know that?” Luke snorted, watching the immediate assumption of a fight. Though, if he was pushed to honesty, Rey had always been quick to react and feisty as hell. He chalked it up to her life on Jaku.

“If he is, it’s a good thing.” Rey slowly drew back to a stand, eying the Jedi with no hiding her wariness. She’d privately been wondering when he would show up after the birth. There was certainly no stopping the family visitors, and they didn’t seem to respect polite visiting hours. At least nobody had dropped in during the labor itself.

“That’s up for debate.” The older man heaved a long-suffering sigh and crossed the floor to close the distance. Luke’s eyes moved steadily from Rey’s feet to the crown of her head, then back to her eyes. “You seem in good health.”

“Ben has taken excellent care of me.”

“Don’t forget you’ve taken care of yourself.” He cautioned, knowing it would fall on deaf ears yet he tried anyway.

“I took care of myself for a long time, I’m allowed to enjoy being taken care of for once.” Digging in, Rey drew herself up and squared her shoulders - challenging him to refute her. Whatever point he had was lost in her certainty that Luke only wanted to diminish what Ben had done.

“You’re right.” He ceded with another sigh, closing his eyes. He hadn’t come for a fight, though Luke was aware he’d certainly set the stage for one. Well, he’d never exactly been great with people, had he? “I came to see the twins.”

“Can I trust you near them?”

Her distrust was obvious, looking Luke over as one does a venomous snake. He knew she’d like to trust him, it wasn’t hard to discern the straight-forward woman once you learned a little about her. Rey would like to believe in the legend of Luke Skywalker again, and she would like to have Great-Uncle Luke in the lives of her daughters. And though Luke wasn’t aware of a way that Rey could actually stop him from manifesting in the nursery, if anyone could find a way, it would be Rey of Jakku.

“I’ve no intention to hurt the girls.” Luke held up his hands in a peaceful surrender. “For that matter, we can barely interact with the living physically - it takes quite a lot to achieve very little, and only with Force sensitive individuals.”

“Considering it’s our daughters, that’s not reassuring.” Rey snapped, contemplating the answer. She didn’t think he would outright lie to her, nor could she think of a reason for Luke to want to hurt the twins. They might not ever forgive Luke, but the man wasn’t prone to violence without some kind of reason. “We’ll see what Ben says.”

“I was afraid you’d say that.” Luke chuckled darkly, starting to ‘walk’ along with Rey. It had been a long time since he had been at the Lakeside Retreat. He’d first come with Leia, when she was trying to uncover the truth of their parents and their marriage. They hadn’t been much older than Rey and Ben were now, or at least it felt that way. In the grand scheme of things, they’d been children.

“Rey, explain why there is a walking pile of Rancor shit beside you.”

Ben’s face had instantly turned to stone on seeing Luke, not that Rey expected anything different. She’d vaguely hoped Leia would be with him to help with the discussion but no such luck. Instead, Ben was in their bedroom with Padme settled into her crib while Breha was being powdered for a fresh nappy.

“I didn’t invite him, Ben. If there’s a trick to make them go away, please share.” She grumbled while crossing the room, pausing at Ben’s side. Despite his annoyance, he leaned down to the side, letting Rey stretch up on her toes to kiss his cheek in greeting.

“Once I find one, I will.” His voice was cold and though Ben’s words were ostensibly directed at his wife, Luke felt the chill. Ben’s every nerve was on fire, trying to take everything in at once - from the sound of Rey shifting clothing as she prepared fresh things for herself to the soft bird calls outside. Nothing would hurt these girls.

“Kid-”

Luke only managed a step before Ben whirled with a growl, extending his right hand with a push of the Force that sent furniture tumbling. Sadly for the Brat Prince, it passed harmlessly through the Force Ghost.

“I’m dead, remember?” He couldn’t help the amused smirk that crossed his aged features. Ben had always been too reactionary, even as a child. Far too quick to assume danger and lash out. Glancing to Rey, Luke quirked an eyebrow to raise a silent question. The answer was Rey coming to stand beside Ben, slowly rubbing a hand between his shoulder blades - staring back at the Spirit defiantly. “You always did have a nasty temper.”

“You don’t know the half of it.” Ben narrowed his gaze, contemplating all avenues of ridding the universe of his Uncle.

“Luke, quit being an ass or I’ll get Leia.” Rey rubbed her temple with her free hand. Exactly what the other Skywalker twin would do, Rey didn’t have a clue. But she was betting Luke didn’t want to be on the other side of a lecture.

“Fine.” Luke sighed, putting up his hands and rolling his eyes to signal a truce if not defeat. “I came to see the twins. And to talk to you, Ben.”

“Whelp. That’s my cue.” Rey chirped all-too cheerfully with a jerk of her head towards the refresher, announcing her intention to get cleaned up and leave the boys to their emotional messes.

“Traitor.” Ben grumbled under his breath, watching his wife walk towards the bath. Choosing to ignore the universal salute she replied with in favor of turning back to his daughters. Quickly diapering Breha, who waved her arms in uncoordinated enthusiasm to be the center of Daddy’s attention again.

“They’re beautiful.” 

Uncle’s voice came from the right side, looking down at them both. Again, Ben contemplated why it was Luke whose presence he had to endure. There were so many other options, so many more productive, useful options. He’d settle for simply less infuriating.

“They take after Rey.” In truth, Ben didn’t see much of his own features in the cherub faces of his children yet. Though he supposed that might change as they grew. Mother swore the cheeks were the same, and she liked to coo over holoimages with Rey. He was surprised Mother hadn’t destroyed them, rather wishing she had.

“You’re better with them than I thought you’d be.”

“You thought I’d be dead by now.” If it was supposed to be a compliment, it fell flat with Ben shooting a Luke that would have killed lesser mortals. If they were still alive to die, that is.

Luke sighed slowly, watching his nephew’s movements. How Ben gently worked each of Breha’s limbs into a powder blue onesie with white pricks of starlight - Padme wore a matching one in lavender. The infant seemed to barely fill Ben’s large hands as her father placed her down beside her sister.

“It’s significantly easier to contemplate the redemption of a dead man than a living one. Even easier when you still think you have all the answers.”

When Luke finally broke the silence, his voice was uncharacteristically quiet. Though his eyes were focused on the twins, his gaze seemed to set on something far beyond their crib. Ben’s lips curled slowly into a frown, gently brushing a protective hand along the edge of the crib. 

“Did Mother tell you to say that?”

“No. Though she certainly still knows how to strike fear in my heart.” He reached out, passing a translucent hand over Padme’s brow. “Remarkably sentimental to name them after your grandmothers.”

“I’ve become sentimental.” Ben ceded with a faint smirk, then shot his Uncle an openly suspicious and lingering look. “What are you playing at?”

“Nothing about this is a game, Ben.” He ignored the obvious eye rolling of his nephew. Talking to Ben had been difficult since the kid became a teenager. There was so much of Han in the boy. “I’m here to talk about that night.”

“So talk.” Ben pressed his lips together, throwing himself into a nearby chair. It took all his newly acquired patience not to scream at the man that the time to discuss that evening had long passed. Luke took painfully long to speak again, as though unable to gather words around what he wanted to say.

“What happened… was wrong. And instead of dealing with the mess I worsened, I ran from it all.” Luke Skywalker exhaled slowly, puffing out his cheeks and letting them grow slack. He might not need the oxygen any longer but it still felt therapeutic to go through the motions. Luke would likely never see eye-to-eye with Leia or Rey, and certainly not Ben, regarding his actions that night. But they weren’t there, and didn't feel the overwhelming Darkness he had. All the same… 

“That’s the shittiest apology for trying to murder a teenager I’ve ever heard. And I’m the monster.” Ben smirked coldly while his emotions ran amuck behind the tightly sealed barrier of his will. Uncle would never be allowed to see hurt on Ben’s face again. Ever.

“I can go back to actively killing you, if you prefer.” Luke dismissed the expected criticism with a shrug of his shoulders.

“You can try.” 

Rey’s voice cut sharply through the air from across the room, even through the refresher door. Ben had idly supposed that she would be listening but it was pleasant to have it confirmed all the same. It had been a long time since he had felt protected by anyone.

Luke laughed without shame, much to the annoyance of the obvious annoyance of the couple. Rey appeared shortly, freshly dressed and with her face washed, and wasted no time striding to stand beside Ben with a hand on his shoulder.

“Relax. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.”

“Ah, you’ve stopped wanting to kill me?” Ben’s icy smile never changed, his fingers lacing with Rey’s. He would have to speak with Mother, encourage her to have words with Uncle. Wouldn’t want the damned dead Jedi to wear out his welcome after all.

“You’re not the same as you were.” Luke spoke quietly. There was… a great deal more that Luke wanted to say. It would have to wait. Both men needed time to recover from what little had been said. Watching Rey squeeze Ben’s shoulder, he worried he was making yet another mistake in not continuing to urge her to run. But… maybe, just maybe, Leia was right. “I should go.”

“No one is stopping you.” The younger man tilted his head to the side, watching his daughters and choosing to bury his own feelings under the concern of a new parent. Luke’s pathetic attempts to take responsibility would simply have to wait - Ben had much more important things to take care of. 

He hadn’t anticipated that, on the list of things more important than Luke Skywalker, Ben would have to add ‘pretending to be interested in home rentals’. Rose was confident that Naboo would be a good place for Finn to start figuring out his life outside of the First Order and Resistance. Between that and having already gotten several nibbles on potential jobs for herself, Rose and Rey were browsing HoloNet listings whenever they had a spare moment. 

It didn’t seem like something that would require him but Rey decided that, since Ben knew about the local area and the planet, that he ought to be part of the process. He would have rather given Finn Force Training 101, but the man was taking his sweet time coming clean - and it was rather amusing to watch him fumble about with the information. Trying to ask questions discreetly and being painfully obvious. Ben was certain the only reason Rey hadn’t caught on yet was because she was exhausted from the twins most of the time.

For that matter, he didn’t especially understand the drive to find someplace even as the weeks were turning into months. There was certainly more than enough space in Varykino and Ben was used to the idea of sharing large domiciles among multiple families. Besides, it was quite convenient for Rey to have the other two in the same building.

It was, at least, less annoying for the absence of Poe. Being the only one willing to openly antagonize the former Supreme Leader, Ben couldn’t help but privately be pleased when Poe Dameron was called back to duty. To the surprise of no one, Poe had formally announced that he intended to stay with the Resistance till the end. If Ben cared enough to guess, he would wager that Dameron would move from the Resistance into the leadership of whatever governing body would be formed. 

The holoconferences had begun, offering blessed reprieve from homing selections but were decidedly annoying. True to the deal Leia had brokered on Ben’s behalf, he was pestered for clarification, additional information and opinions regularly. It was, from his end, tedious and without mental simulation of any kind. 

Almost every call was the same - several representatives of varying factions and authorities would take turns asking questions to resolve lingering First Order created problems. Usually it was only a matter of confirming base and hideout locations, secret and double agents, that sort of thing. 

Occasionally, Ben actually had to think about where a particular agent or Knight might be hiding. Or create a detailed battle plan based on reported resources and locations, outlining the ways trained First Order troops would likely respond. Exceedingly more interesting than verifying information he’d already provided in the data spikes, though he suspected a large part of this was a display. Mother wanted everyone to see how thoroughly Ben Solo had abandoned the role of Kylo Ren.

It wasn’t a bad tactic, Ben mused, scrolling through a few listings of places that were currently looking for tenants. He found himself oddly indifferent to the idea of Rose and Finn living nearby. He would have expected himself to loathe it, so perhaps he was warming to her friends after all. Or at least more options for baby-sitters.

“What did you find?”

A voice that was altogether too happy for simply stumbling upon her husband’s browsing history chirped from beside him. Though Rey didn’t remain to the side for long, as soon as Ben leaned back in his chair, she scrambled in to sit sideways. Happily nestled against him while also looking at the listings he’d been comparing.

“Rose wants a work space for welding and machinery and such, but the traitor wants a cozy place. You want them nearby, so I’ve been looking at places on the nearest edge of the closest town. Something small, where we can stick a workshop nearby.”

“So you’re only looking to make me happy?” Despite the annoyed boredom in Ben’s voice, Rey grinned. She didn’t even bother to correct him on Finn’s name.

“It’s my prime motivator these days.” Ben snorted before burying his face into her neck. She smelled of sunshine and flowers. “Where are the girls?”

“On the main veranda with your Mother. Rose is taking a few scans of them, said something about starting a scrapbook.” Sighing happily, Rey closed her eyes and leaned fully against Ben’s chest. Their life seemed entirely too sweet for people like them, a villain and a scavenger. As though sensing her thoughts, Ben suddenly sank his teeth into her shoulder.

“So we’re alone?” As he spoke, his breath fanned along her skin.

“Mmhmm.” Her mouth went dry as she answered. It wasn’t difficult to picture where her husband’s mind was heading. They hadn’t had relations of any type since their wedding night - she’d been healing and they’d been entirely entranced by the girls, not to mention exhausted. Rey was suddenly entirely aware of the thin material of her shirt, and how Ben’s breath warmed her skin through it. Wiggling deeper into his lap, she was rewarded with a tightening of his embrace.

Ben didn’t know if Rey had been planning this when she darted in. She wasn’t exactly dressed for a seduction, in the same sleeveless cream top and snug pants she’d worn for the past few days. Not that he was much better - his black shirt was half unbuttoned and falling open, with the same wrinkled trousers he’d been wearing off and on for the past week.

Whatever she’d had in mind, and all his own plans for the afternoon, were being put on a temporary hold as his hand slipped down her thigh. Her sudden intake of breath, as his fingers approached the clothed junction of her legs, had his own pants tightening. Then there was the sweet way her face buried into his shoulder, all the while her arms tightened in an embrace around his neck. 

“Ben…”

The way she murmured it, so softly against his clothing, it rather felt like a question. As though she doubted he would follow through. Utterly ridiculous. Ben pressed his thumb slowly against the fabric that covered the bundle of nerves he loved to torment. 

“Yes, my wife?”

The sweet concern in his voice was belied by the way his fingers moved. Rubbing against her core slowly, warming her up just the way Rey liked. Till her hips were wiggling on his lap, falling more and more apart. When her outside leg slipped down, foot hitting the floor with a soft thud and splaying her thighs open, Ben seemed to pounce. Pressing hard just above her clit, till Rey’s eyes popped open and her lips parted with a gasp.

“Do you want me to stop?”

She could feel the words rumbling around his chest, his tone so incredibly cocky. Ben knew what she was going to say, he wanted to make her say it - both to feed his ego and for the flicker of fright in his brown eyes. He might never feel entirely secure but she’d never get tired of reminding him.

“Ben… Don’t stop… Don’t ever stop”

She was too sweet, utterly delectable as her green eyes closed and Rey leaned her forehead against his own. Trusting him with her body and her pleasure, forgiving his sins and inspiring him to new ones.

“There’s my sweetheart.”

He seemed to purr and the affectionate kiss Ben placed against her temple was in strange contrast to how his strong fingers were rubbing quickly between her thighs. Winding her up till Rey was whimpering in pleading breaths, hips bucking against his touch. Meanwhile he nipped a teasing path from her shoulder to just below her jaw. 

Watching her skin flush, feeling the beating of her pulse beneath his lips, Ben swore he could catch the scent of her desire in the air. Especially when she broke, arousal soaking through the thin layer of her panties and creating a patch of moisture at the crotch of her pants. Right beneath where his fingers rubbed. Ben’s mouth watered.

“I love you.” Rey thrummed with joy, not even caring how ungainly her sprawled legs must look. Her only concern was Ben and the feel of his fingers slipping beneath her waist band. The wonderful sensation of having his calloused fingers buried deep within, setting that fast pace that made her heart race.

“Let’s see if you say that in a minute.” He promised with wicked intention, cradling her close with one arm while the other hand engaged in debauchery. Plans were quickly flickering through his mind, he could bind her to the desk - wide open to any desire he might have. Introduce her to being penetrated by things other than his fingers or cock. 

Ben groaned as her walls clamped down around his digits, soaking his hand with her need. Rey never failed to incite his wildest dreams, if anything his struggle to keep the pace reasonable. He wanted to throw her into sin, watch as she drowned in pleasure but then he might break the most beautiful thing he’d ever corrupted.

“I’ll never… ever stop saying that…” She panted, leaning into his side. Rey hadn’t intended to start anything when she bounced into the room - at least not consciously. It had been the realization that they had a few moments alone, and a rushed eagerness to feel his arms, that had motivated her.

He laughed, a low rumble in his chest, as Ben shifted quickly. Pouncing forward while flipping his wife onto her stomach, aggressively leaning over Rey as though to refute the gentleness of his own hands when he’d laid her out.

Rey arched her back, leaning up into his hands. Those hands that had threatened her, carried her and comforted her. Now pressed against her lips, till she opened and began to suckle the now familiar flavor of her own arousal off his fingers. Facing the wall, she couldn’t see him but Rey could hear Ben’s hiss of strained arousal. Especially as her tongue darted between, laving his calloused, drenched fingers. 

Heaven. Ben groaned, biting the back of her neck. Rey was simply beyond anything he’d experienced with anyone else. Making him demanding, possessive while protective, tender even in his sadism. Leaving his right hand at her mouth, enjoying the administrations of his Flower, Ben used his left to roughly tug at her waistband. Working the material down impatiently, he could feel his patience growing thinner with every heartbeat. 

There was an intoxicating sense of growing dread. As the pregnancy had begun to interfere with their lovemaking, Ben had snorted dismissively at her concerns that he might feel neglected. Instead, he made frequent promises of what he’d do, once she was ready again. Things they’d done before, things that made her blush, things that seemed impossible.

She could have asked him, Ben would tell her anything if Rey asked. But it was strange how much she liked the not knowing. Feeling his booted feet slip between her own, widening her stance with firm pressure. Until his hips were slotted neatly between her thighs, feeling the pressure of his arousal through his trousers and her soaked panties.

Those panties, soft dove grey, were infuriatingly in the way. Ben traced the fingers of his left hand along the material. Outlining his lover’s soft lips through the wet cloth, listening to how her breathing changed at the light touch. It was with moderate reluctance that Ben pulled his hand free of Rey’s lips.

She didn’t hear the soft noise of Ben palming something off his desk, or at least didn’t consider it noteworthy. Not compared to the rustle of his clothing as he slowly crouched behind her, or the warmth of his breath. Letting her know how close his lips were to the center of her desires.

“Ben-” Rey wiggled her hips impatiently, only to be cut off by the sharp sensation of his teeth on the apple of her right cheek. Her fingers curled around the edge of the desk, toes curling as she yelped. Vaguely aware of Ben caught the material of her panties in his mouth as he released her flesh, then intensely aware of how he was tugging them down with just his teeth. Exposing her womanhood to the cooler air as pleasure flooded upwards from the bite mark.

“What do we say when we want something?” Leaning back onto his haunches, Ben savored the view of his very own darling wife, splayed and bent over his desk. Where he was bartering First Order secrets and intel to maintain their life. For all he knew, the silenced datapad was pinging with demands even now. He rather hoped it was. Ben liked the idea of ignoring them all to fuck Rey.

“Ben…” She whined, but only got a kiss. Placed lovingly upon the bite, while his hands worked her panties further down her legs. Soft licks as he worked closer to her core, hungry nips - dragging his teeth along her skin. So close but so far from what she wanted. “Ben, please!”

“There we go.” Ben didn’t bother keeping the smirk out of his voice but he didn’t keep her wanting a second longer. Burying his face between her thighs, he feasted on her folds, tongue lashing roughly against her clit. Each hungry moan made his dick jump in his pants, and it was hard not to simply bury inside her right now. Just a little bit more. He had made her no end of promises, hadn’t he?

Her nails clawed against the material of the desk, Rey pressing her cheek against the cool material. For this moment, the entire world faded from her. All that existed was Ben, lapping up her nectar like a starving man, his hands running up her thighs only to rake back down when she hit her peak - seasoning her climax and making her scream.

She didn’t hear the soft slice of metal through thin fabric. In the midst of her pleasure, she didn’t even notice that something was missing. She only knew the feel of Ben moving behind her, one of his arms snaking beneath her to raise her torso slightly. His lips sealing over her own, demanding and hungry. And she returned his kiss with the same desperation, moaning against his lips.

Rey looked so beautiful like this. He loved her willful nature, admired her strength in all ways. But this was a vulnerable side she saved for him alone and he loved it. Her green eyes barely open, yet looking up at him with poorly concealed lust. The flush of desire smeared across her face, with dewy perspiration just starting to dot her forehead.

Ben kissed the tip of her nose lightly, taking another moment to admire her as he ran the rough pad of his thumb along her bottom lip. Her mouth opened slightly in response, and he couldn’t help a smug smirk. His perfect lover. In his darkest moments, he considered it a waste that a woman so wonderful ended up with someone so twisted as him. And yet she seemed to love it as much as he did.

His thumb slipped into her mouth. Aching, Rey tried to suckle on the digit but Ben pushed downward firmly till she opened further. Looking up at him in question, her husband only met her gaze with a gaze that reminded her of ravenous beasts. The answer came when something was pushed between her lips. A soft ball of cloth, soaked here and there with a familiar tang.

Rey’s eyes opened wide, mind racing even as she closed her jaw obediently at his hand’s urging. It was her panties. He’d put her own cum soaked panties in her mouth. For the briefest of moments, she considered spitting them out. But then his lips were on her own again, as though sealing some promise with a kiss and she was moaning in her throat.

Drawing back to a stand, Ben gently pressed her head back down against the desk. His heart was hammering, watching her eyes narrow again and her hips press against his own in want. Now her cries were muffled by her sealed lips and he knew what was in her mouth. What he’d put there. 

“You shouldn’t indulge me. I’ll only get bolder.” He warned, the fingertips of his right hand dancing down the back of her tunic. Finding the hem, and gently stroking the curve of her ass. Her petite figure had changed as a result of carrying the twins, though not a single inch had lost its luster. 

The first strike seemed to echo through Ben’s cozy office. He wasn’t entirely sure how she’d respond though, watching her body and face carefully while his palm slowly caressed the cheek he’d spanked. His reward was how her eyes grew wide with the sting, then slowly closed with a heady groan. Unable to resist, Ben bent, kissing the skin he’d just reddened. 

The following blows slowly increased in tempo. Each time, there was a burst of pain that sent arousing warmth spreading throughout her body. He switched sides and she writhed shamelessly, desperately seeking friction against his body. Rey swore she could feel her arousal dipping down her thighs, but when she tried to press them together, Ben planted his own between them firmly.

“You can scream… but don’t lose that gag.”

Rey howled in frustration, her teeth biting into soft material. Lovingly cruel, Ben was keeping his promise. She couldn’t tell if she hated him or loved him more in this moment, only that she was growing increasingly desperate for him.

“You’re so beautiful.”

The words were quiet, barely spoken but she could hear them. Sending her heart racing even more, the man was truly sadistic. Then barely giving her time to comprehend before his nails were biting into her rosy and warm backside. Making her back arch though his free hand kept her pinned neatly by pressing into the small of her back.

The tip of Ben’s tongue traced his lips. How far could he push her at once? It was a familiar calculation but now without the pretense of bringing her into Darkness. It was surprisingly more fun to calculate depravity without deception, with a simple end goal of her bliss. How much time did they actually have before someone noticed the new parents hadn’t been seen for a few minutes?

The sensation of his hand winding into her brown hair was always overwhelming, fingers gripping and soothing all at once. Rey moaned around the soaked fabric, feeling as though every nerve in her body were on fire. Sensual heat radiated from her ass, and she was now oh so very sensitive to every fold in his clothing when he pressed tight against her. Why was Ben still dressed. He had to know she needed him. But when Rey tried to peek over her shoulder, his grip in her hair only tightened, refusing to let her look at anything beyond the wall - despite her frustrated groans. 

Ben could watch her like this for hours, her ass glowing from a fresh spanking and trying to grind against his arousal through his clothes. Or, more accurately, he wanted to but actually having the control to keep her so needy for long without stating themselves was utterly beyond him. 

“Remember that time in a forest, through the connections? I watched you ride me and wished I could wear armor soaked with your scent.” 

The idea was wicked and sinful and beautiful. Rey loved it, the idea of the Supreme Leader wearing the arousal of a Jakku scavenger like perfume. Would Hux have realized what it was? She could picture Ben whirling on the redheaded snake, bellowing at him for some slight and the rodent being overwhelmed by the scent of sex.

It was just enough to keep her already distracted mind busy, simply not caring about a faint rustle of cloth. Until Ben had himself positioned just right, til Rey could feel the thick tip of him pressing just outside where she needed him most. Nearly howling in her need, Rey tried to wiggle backwards.

Adorable. Too precious to deny even as he tried. Ben grasped her hips with both hands, holding tight as he pulled her back and onto him. Sheathing his rigid cock in one thrust, hissing under his breath as he did. Such a perfect fit, and Rey was already moaning beneath him. Depraved calculations went out the window, slamming his hips against her own.

Every thrust brought her higher, Rey’s lips were parted and she gasped out in time with Ben’s rhythm. Her lust filled eyes were shameless, laying her cheek against the desk and looking back at him over her shoulder. His nails bit more sharply into her skin but Ben didn’t stop her.

Several of his dark curls had fallen into his eyes yet the man looked transfixed by the sight of where their bodies met. It was both embarrassing and thrilling, knowing that Ben was watching his arousal slide deep within her cunt, coming out slick and glistening only to plunge back in. She wasn’t the only one who felt utterly helpless to their connection, overcome with need for the other.

He needed to feel her, feel the way her body clenched around him when Rey hit her highest peaks. Every cry of pleasure she made was proof of their link, how they were perfectly fitted to one another. Greedily, Ben began to rub at her clit again, unable to wait even a moment longer.

She tried to scream his name, the sound muffled but the way her body responded wasn’t muted in the slightest. Her thighs were drenched from a fresh wave from arousal, and Rey could hear the sounds of their lovemaking bouncing off the walls. The lewd noises that only seemed to intensify with every peak.

Ben never looked away from where her arousal painted his cock and made an utter mess of their clothes. They’d need a trip to the shower after this and he didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was Rey, cumming hard around him. Again and again. Till he was bracing himself on the desk over her, struggling to hold back - wanting to make it last just a little longer. Never ready for it to be over.

Rey’s mind swam with the potent mix of endorphins and affection, watching Ben’s eyes. How they were nearly closed, reaching the end of his ability to hold back. A part of her had been afraid she would lose this, that the intensity of their spark would not weather familiarity and parenting. Feeling Ben snap his hips forward, and the heat that spilled out from him, banished the last of such concerns.

As his wife descended into the warmth of a pleasure filled haze, Ben pressed tighter within as though trying to reshape their two bodies into one. When coherent thoughts began to flit around, unwelcomingly announcing the imminent return to reality, Ben reached out. Once again coaxing Rey’s mouth open, plucking the ruined undergarment from her mouth. Making sure she saw him give it a slow inhale before he let the material fall to the ground.

“You are…”

“A monster?” He smirked, leaning down to gently press his weight into her. To his surprise, she laughed and shook her head.

“Wonderful. You’re wonderful, Ben.”

He had to quickly duck his head into her shoulder, distracting her with a quick, half-thrust of his softening length. Ben supposed he could live a hundred more years and he would never get used to Rey talking about him like that, with that warmth in her voice and her eyes full of love. 

Rey laughed a little more, enjoying how Ben could shift from ‘brute’ to bashful schoolboy with a properly applied complement. Especially when, trying to hide it further, he briskly went about the business of replacing their clothing and scooped her up into his arms.

She let him fuss about how they would be discovered soon and he needed to get them to the refresher. Her legs were wobbly anyway and Rey loved being in his arms. Ben’s embrace was safe, the only place in the galaxy where she got to rest. Fitting her head against his shoulder, Rey sighed happily.

Full story on A03 with detailed tags

[mayhemandtrouble]

Emotional Highs and Lows, Chapter 33 of Not Giving up

Full, completed story with detailed tags on A03

The twins were much fawned over that night and well into the morning. Rose called them little porcelain dolls, Leia held back tears at their names - Padme and Breha. Poe cradled them both with a surprising ease that spoke of experience with children, whispering excited promises to show them both the stars. Rey politely rolled her eyes and refrained from reminding Uncle Poe that both parents were accomplished pilots. Finn lacked that restraint, playfully snapping at Poe. Chewbacca struggled not to howl in triumph, stroking the chubby cheeks of the next generation of Solos.

Amidst the joy of found family, Ben slipped outside. The soft laughter and warmth felt too bright for his tired eyes so he leaned against a stone railing and let the cool night air refresh his soul. He ought to be next to Rey, smoothing her hair and making sure she didn’t overextend herself. Mother and Chewie would call out if anything changed though and he needed to just breathe for a moment.

“What the hell are you doing out here?”

The traitor’s voice. The last one Ben had expected to come after him and a wry smirk twisted his full lips. He would have put credits on it being Poe or Rose first. Very well then.

“I’m not the best with people, as you might guess.” Snide tones, the mask was sliding back into place, hiding his flaws and insecurities by turning them into badges of honor. Rey would be annoyed but she wasn’t here at the moment.

“You better figure it out real quick then. She went through hell today - you’re supposed to be there! How do you know she’s ok-”

“Because I’m her dyad.” Ben hissed, cutting the other man off, revealing the temper he’d worked so hard to conceal during the entire visit. “Do you think a few feet and some walls would keep me from knowing her energy, her emotions?” 

Ben had to admire Finn’s straight back, the refusal to step back and the righteous anger that resonated off the man. Poe’s outbursts came from anger, Finn’s from protective affection. Turning from Finn, he braced himself on the stone railing.

“... you can feel her, from here?”

“Child’s play. I felt her arrival when she touched down on the Supremacy across the ship.” Ben smirked a little, looking down into the dark waters of the lake at night. Finn had become Force sensitive at some point, the whens and wheres made no difference to Ben. If Rey wanted to teach the man, she could. Whenever Finn got around to admitting it to anyone - Ben felt the secret burning just below the surface of the man’s skin. Ben took a slow, deep breath and made a quiet admission as Finn stepped up beside Ben. “I felt her fading during the labor, like she was slipping through my hands. The Dark side was pulling at us both.”

“Could you have helped her, using the Force?” Finn broke the silence after a long moment, his voice quiet.

“I could have taken life from someone else and given it to her.” Ben spoke as though he were discussing the best way to prepare bantha steaks, and it felt surreal even to him. If only for the context of the discussion. The horror and shock on Finn’s face was perversely entertaining, and Ben continued. “It’s written of in old texts like a blood transfusion, then it becomes a weapon. A way to kill and heal at the same time.”

Finn cussed under his breath, looking down at the water. He didn’t know what was more disturbing, the concept that Ben could do that or that Rey would be tempted by it. If Ben was even telling the truth.

“So you’re avoiding her because of that?” Not for the first time, Finn tried to wrap his head about the powers the Force bestowed, trying to picture himself with even a fraction of those abilities. 

“It’s because it’s my fault she was in the position to be tempted in the first place.”

Finn turned his head to stare at Ben in the leftover light that filtered out through the windows of Varykino. Turning over Ben’s statement until he parsed the meaning. Then cussed again, Finn turning his back against the stone railing with his arms folded across his chest.

“Do not put me in a position where I have to defend you.” Finn nearly growled at the uncomfortableness of it all. What he would like to do was to push the damn ass into the lake and pray Leia never taught him to swim. “Look, Rey made a very clear point of how she was entirely a willing participant so I know more about your weird Force sex life than I ever wanted to.”

“She couldn’t have reasonably-”

“Stop.” Finn grabbed Ben’s shoulder, pulling the other man to face him. “Nobody knows what to expect when it comes to this Force bullshit. And you…. You don’t deserve her but this one thing isn’t your fault.”

“You’re saying that because Rey’d be furious with you for not saying something.” Dark humor flashed in Ben’s eyes. Being comforted by Finn was a circumstance neither could have predicted.

“Doesn’t make it untrue.”

Ben snorted a quiet laugh, interlacing his fingers behind his head. The traitor was honest, even when he oughtn’t be. Grudgingly, he was coming to like the former trooper though he couldn’t see himself being friendly with anyone - let alone Rey’s Resistance friends. 

“You win. Breha needs something anyway.” 

As the two returned, Ben was only a few beats ahold of his daughter’s cry. Plenty of time to beat Rey from trying to rise. He’d prefer to chase everyone out and let her rest in quiet, but she was so pleased to be making memories with them.

“Ben Solo, have you entirely forgotten how to change a baby?” Leia didn’t hide her amusement, looking on in amusement as her son’s large hands fumbled with the adhesive tabs and bits of cloth.

“Been awhile since I was a baby-sitter.” Ben grimaced, suddenly reconsidering his stance on taking on all the changing and such for the first few days. He was positive that none of the children he’d looked after as a young teen had produced anything quite so foul either.

“There’s a diagram on the side of the box,” Poe contributed all too helpfully. Ben pondered murder. The blood would be bad for the antique rugs though, and Mother would never shut up about the stains.

“You’re doing wonderfully.” Rey piped from the comfortable settee, where she was bundled up with blankets and pillows. Her voice was warm, if exhausted. She didn’t want to be in the bed, and Rey had quickly discovered that nobody was going to tell Ben Solo’s wife where she had to be when she’d just given him twins. Any attempts to suggest she moved ahead of her own schedule had been met with a silent scowl from her large husband.

Rose had tried but Ben had simply carried Rey wherever his Princess wanted to go, refusing to let her feet touch the floor. Chewie brought along the needed supplies for the twins and she was touched by their joint willingness to cater to her whims. Especially when she could offer no better reason than “the bed is too big”.

Ben flashed her a bright, overly confident grin at the praise and Rey felt her heart melting. He was so painfully sweet, and he didn’t give himself remotely enough credit. As if she needed extra reasons to cement her decision to stay at his side, there he was - faking his way through changing a nappy.

Rey snuggled back into her nest of pillows, savoring the harmony of voices around her. Ben’s rumbling tenor mixing with Leia’s neatly clipped tones, Poe’s rough banter sweetened by Rose’s gentle determination. A private smile curled over Rey’s face as she remembered that fateful night on the Falcon, when she was so certain she would never see Ben again. Rey had been surrounded by her family that night, and it was the first time she’d realized that she had a family. Now Ben was here, a part of it and with their children. 

Her bliss was utterly unmatched.

Those first days, neither Rey or Ben - or anyone else at Varykino - kept much of a regular sleeping schedule. Ben found himself reluctantly appreciative of Rey’s friends as they provided a few much needed breaks for power naps. Not that anyone could comment on the devotion of either parents, much as certain people would have liked to find fault in the Father.

A cool morning breeze, chilled from blowing through the mist across the lake, helped awaken Rey after a night with little rest. Despite their plethora of baby-sitters, she found it difficult to sleep. The twins were so little, their cries were so faint - what if she slept through them needing her?

There was nothing else at the Retreat that demanded Rey’s attention and yet she felt as though there wasn’t enough of herself to give. Rose assured her that Rey was doing everything wonderfully, and Ben worried that Rey was pushing herself too hard. Still.

“Sssh, Daddy’s sleeping.” Rey cooed, hating herself for how long it took her to soothe Padme. Breha was nestled safely into her lap, swaddled in soft cloth and sleeping with a scrunched face, while Rey gently rocked her sister. Ben soothed them so much faster, Padme looked like she trying to smile with Leia held her, Poe held them more expertly-

“Neither of you have any confidence, you know that?” Annakin appeared, crouched before his daughter-in-law with a warm smile. A blue thumb caressing Breha’s chubby cheek as he admired the next generation.

“Mucking about in my head is exceedingly rude.” She snapped tartly, then took a deep breath as Padme tried her best to howl. Rey closed her green eyes and lightly pressed her lips to the little one’s forehead. Of course she was no good at this, Rey could barely remember her own mother and she’d been too busy scrambling to survive to learn infant care. The girls would have better off with anyone else as their mother…

“Can’t say it registers on my naughty list, all things considered.” Annakin snorted, remaining crouched in front of Rey and the infants. “You’re being excessively hard on yourself, you know.”

“What would you know, you didn’t even see your kids till they were grown.” Rey scrunched her own face at the Force ghost, both grateful to hear it and resentful of the unsolicited feedback. Well, if she was ever allowed to be contradictory, it was right now.

“I’d say it makes an expert on what not to do.” He rose with a dark chuckle, “They don’t need you to be perfect, they just need you to be here.”

“I don’t recall asking Sith Lords for parenting advice.” Rey sighed heavily, but wrapped Padme closer into her arms. Getting the infant close to her own heartbeat and inhaling the sweet scent of her baby. When she spoke again, it was in a much softer tone. “I just want them to have everything I didn’t.”

Annakin watched, the smile never fading from his lips, as Rey slowly rubbed the back of the swaddled infant - named for his own wife. She would have been so proud to stand here, knowing their grandson married in the same place they did. Not for the first time, he mused about how much more peaceful his family’s life would have been if he had simply abandoned the Order to have a quieter life.

“They are going to have everything they need and so much more. You and Ben are changing the course of the Skywalker legacy.”

The words were heavy with affection, and accompanied by a paternal ruffling of her own brown hair. But when Rey looked up, Ben’s grandfather was nowhere to be seen. Sighing, she looked down at Padme, who was finally soothing.

“We’ve certainly got a funny family, don’t we?” Looking down to Padme’s unfocused, brown eyes. In answer, the baby girl only waved her arms and gurgled. Rey hated to admit it, but she felt soothed for the visit. “It is nice to have them though, isn’t it.”

Full, completed story with detailed tags on A03

[mayhemandtrouble]

Pitter Patter chapter 32 of Not Giving Up

Finished story on Ao3 with detailed tags

It’s funny how something can be expected, welcomed even, and yet still catch you off entirely off guard. Rey’s first labor pains set Varykino into a whirlwind of ‘hurry up and wait’. Only a few days after the wedding, and the others were still lingering - catching up, renewing bonds and trying to plan for a peace they hadn’t been expecting. Without anyone actually saying it out loud, nobody wanted to leave until after Rey had delivered.

She’d first noticed the contractions during a morning walk with Finn, the two quietly discussing plans for both themselves and the Resistance. There had been no convincing him that this phase of the labor would probably take hours and there was no need to rush - her overly protective and self appointed guardian hurried to alert the others. Who all came running just as quickly as though it were an actual emergency, Ben with his face half covered in a shaving cream.

 

Now, with the sun starting to set and Rey’s pains increasing, Rose and Ben had Rey’s hands, walking with the woman carefully up and down the halls of the Retreat. Finn had gathered what seemed to be every towel in the entirety of Naboo and was arranging them in neat stacks at strategic locations, from her bedroom to the intersections of major pathways.

Poe had woken up the medical droid and was pestering it with questions every five minutes. He refused to leave the droid alone until it threatened to go into hibernation. Leia chuckled privately, doing her part by keeping Chewbacca occupied with assembling the last bits of baby toys and whatnot. While one of the three porgs ‘nested’ in his large lap, the other two waddled about Rey’s feet.

Ben was seriously contemplating kicking the ball shaped birds hard enough to splatter against the wall but his wife’s steps were slow and steady, avoiding the feathered nuisances. Besides, he had bigger problems. Like helping Rey time her contractions, nodding in agreement at anything she said, and massaging her legs whenever she wanted to rest. It was difficult to school his emotions, trying to make sure that the only emotions Rey would be able to pick up on were positive.

Especially as the hours wore on and he began to notice her energy flagging. The droid continued to chirp that everything was proceeding normally for human birth givers, and even Rose offered Ben a reassuring smile. Easing Rey onto a large, plush ottoman, Ben couldn’t help but feel a surge of panic all the same. What if this killed her, just like Grandmother. Mother had had a difficult labor as well. What if…

“You worry… too much.” Rey patted his hand lightly, smiling as Ben tucked a pillow under her head.

“Skywalker trait.” He snorted in reply, grinning a little in pride that she’d caught him. His wife was strong enough to match him, Rey would be fine. She had to be. His bare fingers brushed over her hair gently.

It was supremely surreal for Rose to watch Ben sing quietly to Rey. She was the only other one close enough to hear, flopped onto a nearby couch while he crouched next to the ottoman Rey had decided was perfect to rest on. With the laboring woman laying on her side for a moment and Ben’s face only a few inches from Rey’s, the Supreme Leader sang her the melodies of his childhood. Each one a promise and a wish for their family.

His low tenor lulled Rey, if not to sleep then into rest. Rose watched as Rey’s fingers threaded with Ben’s, who remained crouched awkwardly long after his muscles must have begun to protest. What the man was, or had been, he was devoted to his wife. And that was enough for now.

It wasn’t difficult to see the toll labor was taking on her. Rey had one cheek puffed out, storing ice chips. It made her look like she was doing a strange impersonation of some woodland creature, not that anyone dared to comment on it. Rey had outright screamed at Chewie when the Wookie shot Ben a dirty look over something or other, after which Chewbacca played safe by appointing himself the guardian of her ice water.

Leia gently wiped the sweat from Rey’s forehead with a cool cloth that she refreshed from time to time in said ice water. Ben alternated between checking on Rey and Mother, wanting to make sure the latter didn’t wear herself out caring for the former. Leia shooed him away every time, Rey’s answers were growing more colorful by the hour.

Rose took turns holding Rey’s hand with Ben, both attempting to coach the woman in breathing - Rose more successfully than Ben, despite his efforts. Finn and Poe were banished to the hallway once the medical droid started checking Rey’s cervix more frequently. They demurred to Rey’s modesty gracefully, until the doors were closed. Then Finn wore fresh grooves in time-tested flooring while Poe slammed back a few of the foulest shots he could locate - just to keep his nerves steady.

“I got you, I got you.” Inside, Ben’s arms curled around Rey, just below her breasts, as she tried to walk and stumbled through a contraction. Giving her his strength as her own began to fail, and swallowing how much it terrified him.

“Ben, I can’t do this.” How long had it been already - the droid kept beeping at her cheerfully but Rey was certain it was just the damn thing’s bedside manner programming. She was running low, struggling just to reach out and feel the twins or Ben despite how close he was. Closing her eyes, Rey had to fight against the growing fear that she would leave her children without even a memory of her. What if she just…

He swallowed. Leia and Rose were already answering her, assuring Rey in all the proper ways. Saying all the right things while Ben buried his face in his wife’s neck for a moment, breathing in deeply. She smelled of sweat and exhaustion, he could feel her never-ending determination ebbing low, the terror of leaving them all and the temptation that was starting to torment her. 

“The hell you can’t.” Taking a deep breath, Ben growled against her skin with a flash of his brown eyes. Rose started towards them and Ben only held onto Rey more possessively. The others couldn’t feel her the way he did, his dyad. They didn’t understand the extent of Rey’s distress, couldn’t feel the pull to merely borrow life from the others. It would be so easy, Rey only had to ask Ben and he would slaughter the galaxy for her comfort, let alone her life. Especially now. “You are Rey, scavenger of Jakku. The desert couldn’t destroy you, the First Order couldn’t bow your head.”

She nearly laughed to hear him snarling out her strengths, leaning fully against him and trusting Ben to carry the weight of her and the twins. A trust not misplaced, for the man didn’t even stumble. Only braced himself further and kissed her temple before continuing, in a lower, more human tone.

“You could walk into the mouth of a Sarlacc and emerge unscathed, with it as your devoted pet.” Nuzzling slowly against her skin, Ben felt a surge of relief as her spirits rose, and she let him ease their tired frames onto the edge of a loveseat.

Strange, to feel warmth now. As though she was able to truly share in his strength. Perhaps it was a function of their Force bond, or perhaps it was simply trusting one’s partner. Cracking her eyes open, Rey could see a slowly growing smile on his face in response to Rey’s rising resolve.

“You are Rey Solo, Princess of Alderaan, Captain of the Millennium Falcon and Resistance hero. There is nothing in this galaxy you can not accomplish.”

The fierceness of his love and devotion overwhelmed her, feeling soft kisses brush along her cheek, at her temple, in her sweaty hair. Like a tidal wave that swept Rey off painful, rocky beaches and tossed her wave to wave but never let her shoulders dip below the water. Ben sent her soul whirling about, with the heights of love and the valleys of doubt but always kept her safe. So long as she had him, Rey would never drown in her own Darkness. 

Grasping his hand tighter, Rey nodded at the medical droids chirping encouragement. Pushing with a scream. Over and over, till her throat was raw from the effort of bringing new life into the universe. Till Ben was certain Rey had broken at least two of his fingers and time seemed to move at a crawl.

It was the wailing scream of the first baby girl who seemed to break the spell for both new parents. Rose wiped the little one down with warm towels, Leia cooed sweetly over her first grandchild and Ben couldn’t believe his eyes. A shock of dark hair, waving arms, beautiful brown eyes and there was still one more to come. His wife was breathing, screaming but alive. 

It was almost an assembly line, Ben mused though he kept the comedy to himself. Watching in surreal joy as Rey labored to deliver the second Solo twin, how Rose tenderly cleaned the second infant once birthed. Mother handed the older twin to Ben so that she could take the younger. Joining Mother in presenting both to Rey together.

“Two beautiful girls.” Leia leaned in to kiss Rey’s forehead, unable to resist the show of affection.

“My girls. Our girls.” Rey breathed out, her voice exhausted and proud all at once. Mother would have loved to be here, she was certain. And perhaps they were here, both her parents, even if she couldn’t see them. Leaning her head against Ben’s shoulder, Rey didn’t bother hiding the joyous tears.

“Our girls.” He agreed, unable to take his eyes off the twins. Beautiful, with scrunched faces and hair that stuck up in all directions. How he had been part of making such perfection was beyond him. They seemed like a mirage that would disappear from his grasp, or bits of glass that would shatter if the wind blew too hard.

“Congratulations.” Rose’s face was split by the first true smile since she’d arrived at Varykino. Rey had fought to protect what she loved, and if anyone deserved a soft ending, she did.

Finished story on Ao3 with detailed tags

[mayhemandtrouble]

Good Memories, Chapter 31 of Not Giving Up

Full story with detailed tags on A03

While a wedding celebration might usually continue well into the night, sometimes into morning, Rey and Ben made their polite excuses not long after sundown. Ben considered taking Rey up on her offer when she suggested he stay with the others, after all she was the one who actually wanted to go ahead and curl up. 

It might be good to spend time with her friends on a day wherein they were inclined to be more favorable. Then again, he’d been on his very best behavior all day. Which was why Rey found herself laughing, smacking his shoulder lightly as Ben scooped her up just outside their door.

“Ben, I’m heavy! You’ll drop me!” With her arms tight around his frame, Rey buried her head into his shoulder. He was absolutely horrible, there was no predicting him and she couldn’t stand how he made her laugh with just a cocky grin.

“Phft. If you ever weigh more than I can carry, I’ll just get stronger.” Or just employ the Force, but it was far more fun this way. He brought Rey directly to the bed, laying her out gently as one does a priceless treasure before he started peeling each layer off her pregnant frame.

“I swear, it’s like you think I can’t take care of myself anymore.” Rey grumbled even as she turned to give Ben easier access to the various clasps as he moved through the process.

“Hardly. Enjoy it now.” 

A rumbling laugh from behind sent a soft thrill racing through her, with Rey glancing over her shoulder just in time to catch the predatory look in his brown eyes. Ben had been behaving so sweet lately that she’d nearly forgotten how he could make her feel like a helpless creature, about to be devoured in all the best ways.

“Once the twins are here - and you’re recovered - I’m going to remind you why getting involved with me was the worst mistake of your life.” Ben let his teeth graze slowly along the line of her shoulder. The way she shivered was intoxicating, already looking forward to when Leia would take the twins for a night.

“You’re cruel.” She exhaled, feeling his fingers unsnap the bra. Collapsing back against the bed, Rey rolled onto her side, using her fingers to massage her swollen breasts.

“Says my new wife as she fondles herself.” Ben snorted, giving her ass a playful nip on the cheek. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the view, especially in the context of pulling down her panties. Rey had acquired a habit of sleeping nude lately and he wasn’t planning to discourage her.

“Feels better when you do it.” Rey grumbled slightly before burying herself under the covers. 

“I’d offer, but the last time I tried you said I got carried away.” He winked playfully, putting up each garment in turn. Ignoring her muttered accusations with a quiet smile on his face. Whatever he’d like to be doing with her carnally, Ben couldn’t help but feel an unaccustomed bliss. They’d married. Rey was his wife. In very short order, he’d have two infants to care for. Ben Solo had a family again.

While her new husband seemed to drift off in surprisingly short order, Rey found herself struggling to sleep. Before meeting Ben, she’d felt little in the way of sexual attraction. People were pretty, or pleasant to look at, and some more so than others. What needs she had were easily taken care of with her own hand for the most part.

Things were… decidedly different now. 

He was typically the aggressor when it came to their trysts. Perhaps his drive was higher, perhaps it was because he had been so bent on seducing her into Darkness. Rey didn’t know and she honestly didn’t care - it suited her well save that she got used to a certain level of attention.

Now, under the blankets, her hips wiggled in the darkness. She could roll over and whine at Ben. He’d probably enjoy it, preen over her needing him, and then attend to her thoroughly. Only the idea of actually doing it, especially waking him up just to whimper at him, was entirely too humiliating to genuinely consider. He would never let her live it down.

Her fingertips gently probed between her folds, teeth catching her bottom lip to smother

 a faint groan. Imagining Ben’s teeth nipping up her thighs, how he cradled her face in his hands, soft kisses to contrast against the vicious tracks he left with his nails. 

Rey bit lightly on the tip of her own tongue, feeling the warmth starting to pool between her thighs. There it was. She just needed to take the edge off, then she would be able to sleep.

“This brings back memories.” 

Ben moved too suddenly for her to respond, curling up behind her as he wrapped a strong arm around her hips. Catching her wrist in an unforgiving grasp and preventing her from pulling away in false modesty. 

 He’d felt her stirring beside him. He always knew when Rey moved in the bed. A troubled sleeper with an overprotective streak and horrific nightmares, he needed to know that she was safe. It was delightful to hear her breathing grow quick, and feel the telltale little wiggles of her frame next to him.

“I… had an itch.”

“Mmm, I can see that.” 

She struggled to contain a slow groan, feeling his teeth catch and drag along his earlobe. Her fingers were damp and her clit was still aching, all the while he nuzzled into her from behind languidly.

“Thinking of me?”

The asshole nearly purred into her ear. It was a struggle not to roll over and bite his damned nose off.

“Don’t start. We are not flirting right now.” She hissed, trying to jerk her hand back only to find Ben wasn’t letting up in the slightest.

“No? So you don’t want to finish, not even a little?” There were no words for how much he loved this woman, how her body tensed in frustrated arousal. He could feel her thighs shift, trying to rub together and Ben quickly wrapped both of his long legs around her own - wedging one of his thighs between hers. Close enough to torment, not enough to grind against.

“Ben, I hate you so much.” Rey shut her eyes though a smile played at her lips in the darkness.

“I love you so much.” He kissed the edge of her ear innocently. “I’ll let go if you tell me who you were thinking about.”

“You!” His wife groaned in defeat, cheeks turning scarlet with the admission and she tried to bury her head into the soft pillows. Behind her, pressed firmly against her backside, Rey could feel his own heat rising.

“Continue.” Ben savored it as one does a fine wine, releasing her wrist and nipping a gentle line from her ear along her throat. Their first encounter hadn’t been too different from this. Only he hadn’t been able to touch her, had to guess what she would taste like. This time, he could feel her warmth. “Or do you want me to do it?”

His wretched teasing was horrible. But the worst was that the answer was yes. Groaning in frustration, Rey shifted her hips, feeling the press of his dick against her rear. 

“Mmhmm.”

Her answer was soft, but clear. Idylly, he wondered if he would ever break Rey of her shy modesty, at least when it came to these sorts of things. A part of him hoped not - it would be interesting to see her bolder to be sure, but there was such a sweetness to it that he never tired of sullying.

“You could have just asked to start with.” Ben bit her shoulder in teasing reproach at the same time as his hand took over. Stroking between her folds gently with calloused fingertips, assessing her arousal with the same diligence as a lightsaber duel.

“You… were… asleep…” Soft mewls of words, Rey’s hands fisting into the blankets. She could feel his breath on her skin, the warmth of his body along her own. Comforting, even when he was at the heights of his sadism. He was there. Not her enemy, a galaxy away but there and tending to her need.

“And my dear wife didn’t want to wake me.”

His laughter was a rumble that filled the bedroom though she only had a moment to savor it before he pressed down against her clit, making her yelp. 

“I keep telling you to take advantage of being spoiled now.” Ben smirked into the back of her shoulder, slowly stroking along the bud of nerves. He wouldn’t push her tonight, all things considered - He finally had a toy he wasn’t willing to destroy, not truly. Instead, he teased her mentally. Whispering into her ear as he thrust two fingers deep within her soaked channel. “I’m going to utterly ruin you later.”

“Ben…” His answer was a whispered pant, her frame squirming in his arms. How did he manage to make being sweet to her twisted? Rey’s lips parted with her breathy moans, gasping when his fingers curled just right within. Stroking exactly where she wanted him to, without making her beg all the while whispering sadistic promises in her ear.

“Would you like that? Being ruined, wrists tied together behind you while I raise welts along your perfect ass?” 

Such playful, loving nips of his teeth along her skin. Sending shivers down her spine as Rey pictured it, her heat rising, body clenching around his digits.

“I could bend you over the bed, the counter… my knee…” Ben let the tip of his tongue trace the line of her neck. Each hungry cry Rey issued made his cock throb. The patience he’d struggled with at the start now served him well, knowing exactly how many heartbeats it would be until her cunt soaked his fingers. That she would be as eager for the temptations he was presenting as he was. An ending made sweeter for the spoilers.

 “Ben… I want you.” Rey whined, her back arching, fists clutching at the sheets as she panted through her first release. It was good, wonderful but…

“Who am I to deny my bride?” 

There was a smugness to his voice that grated on her nerves, knowing that she had been right. Ben was never going to let her live this down, the night he’d caught her touching herself to avoid admitting she was needy for him. It would be worth scolding him, if he weren’t already gently lifting her thigh to ease her heat.

“There… there… Ben…”

Even without overt begging, there was a pleading to her voice that lit a fire within Ben’s blood. Rocking his hips forward, he began to press within. Gentle strokes weren’t their usual rhythm, though there was a beautiful torture to how he took his time. Forcing her body to wait, both empty and full as Ben worked his way in slowly.

“There you are, that’s what you needed isn’t it? My pretty Flower doesn’t like to be empty, does she?” He pressed a soft kiss to the back of her neck, resisting the urge to bite down hard enough to leave a mark. Soon enough. Instead, Ben focused his energy on the slow thrusts, gradually building speed as her breathing increased in desperation.

“Ben!” Rey was grateful for the cover of darkness and, though they were alone in the bedroom, she was increasingly bashful as his words grew bolder. Remembering the night he’d first begun coaxing her wicked fantasies from her and giving her ever darker, new ones.

“It’s all right… I’m going to keep you full. So full, Rey. Keep you full and panting, you’ll be carrying again within a year.” He groaned into her ear, his hand sliding down her hip, pulling her back against him. That thought alone was unexpectedly exciting, unrealistic but thrilling all the same. Keeping her full of him, making it so obvious who she belonged to. 

“Yes…”

A faint hiss, so barely there Ben might have mistaken it had he not felt the surge of mutual arousal swell between their bodies. Her walls clenching down, hips bucking wildly within his grasp while their thighs were painted with her nectars. Giving into the pleasure, Ben let himself fall off the cliff, clutching as tightly to her as he dared while his seed spilled deeply within his most beloved.

Recovering in his arms was like being wrapped in warm clouds. His length would soften slowly within as Ben’s arms wrapped closely around her, keeping Rey safe and warm. Giving her his arm to use as a pillow while he lavished her skin with kisses. A tenderness made all the better for the contrasting sharpness of their lovemaking.

“I love you, Ben Solo.” Humming softly in delight, Rey snuggled backwards and as deeply into his embrace as she was able to.

“I love you, Rey Solo.” His smile growing for the pleasure he could feel thrumming out of her at her newly minted name. It was utterly pathetic how stereotypical they were, in delight over such inconsequential little things. Yet here they both were, with himself just as pleased as she was.

Rey fully savored the moment, the faint sound of night birds and insects from the lakeside like a melody playing in time to their own breathing. How the warmth of his body surrounded her own like a blanket. Ben had commented that he never expected himself to marry, not once he’d fallen to Darkness. Rey had never really expected herself to marry at all, just as she had never expected to travel past Jakku or live in a palace on Naboo. Her lips curved into a slow smile, so very grateful she had never given up on him.

It was a nightmare that woke Ben. The sort that used to leave him drenched in sweat as a teen, only this time it was Rey’s face he saw screaming. He jerked into a sitting position, one hand bracing himself on the headboard while he leaned over her. Using his other hand to frantically reach out, searching for both her life and the children within.

She was still asleep, thank goodness for that. All three of them were well. It was a given that they would both struggle with where they stood in regards to Light and Dark, but Rey was, quite literally, carrying enough at the moment. She didn’t need to know about the specifics right now.

He slipped from the bed, running both of his hands through his dark curly hair. Morning would be here soon, Rey would wake up and want caf. He’d have to placate her with a fragrant tea. Once the twins had arrived, he swore the woman was going to drink an entire makerfull of the stuff herself.

Stepping outside, he exhaled in the chilly morning air. There was a faint mist above the lake’s water. Barefoot and bare chested, the cold air was refreshingly bracing physically though Ben still felt uneasy. He hadn’t expected it to be easy to walk towards the Light again, but the pull of the Darkness was all the more exhausting for having failed before. Falling into a chair, Ben braced his head on his palm and allowed himself to examine his distorted reflection on the top of a nearby table.

He barely recognized the face looking back at him, and it wasn’t the rosy-pink tone that the table surface added. The dark circles under his eyes were worse than he remembered, and he supposed they would only get worse in the coming weeks. Exhaling slowly, Ben closed his eyes and leaned his head back.

“I can’t be a Father.” Ben muttered darkly to himself, contemplating the many ways he could fail at this and ruin everyone’s lives. Maybe falling twice would finally end the pull of the Light so that he could just be numb, ending the pain. Contemplating the new and exciting ways he could disappoint his loved ones was a hobby Ben hadn’t expected to pick back up.

“Bit late for that, kid.”

Ben shot upright, leaning forward with his brown eyes snapping open. Across from the table, sitting comfortably in a chair with a soft smile, was the grey haired figure of Father. Both of Ben’s large palms rubbed rapidly across his eyes, trying to clear them of what was clearly some kind of mirage. But when he opened them again, blinking rapidly to refocus, Han Solo was still there.

“Look, no one is ready for Fatherhood, Ben.” Chuckling quietly, Han leaned forward with a soft twinkle in his eyes. The man was dressed exactly as he had been then, that night on Starkiller base. But Han was whole, and not the varying blues of a Force ghost. This was something different.

Perhaps Ben had finally lost his damn mind.

“Right.” Leaning back slowly, Ben stared openly at the image of his dead Father.

“You’ve got a good start. You got her somewhere safe, the wedding was beautiful. Focus on one thing at a time.”

Ben slowly rubbed his hands over his mouth and chin as though he could hide his shock. Father’s tone was warm, conversational and loving. Like when Ben was a boy and Han was teaching him to fly, with Ben’s small hand covered by Han’s on the controls, Chewie murmuring in approval from the background.

“I’m not concerned about when they are young.” He finally spoke, lowering his hands and looking down to the palms. The callouses weren’t earned in glory, overthrowing Darkness or even building ships like Han’s father. Destruction was where the bulk of Ben’s achievements lay.

“Mmm.” Han paused, seeming lost in his own thoughts for a long moment. Then leaned forward with a bittersweet smile. “It’ll be hard when they start to go out on their own, where things happen that you blame yourself for. You’ll wish you could take their place, take the pain on for them.”

“What do you do when that happens?” Ben stared at his hands, unable to look up. If it was truly Father or a product of his own mental breakdown, Ben didn’t know. He just knew that if he looked up and met Father’s eye right now, he would collapse under the pain of it all.

“You try. You keep trying, you never give up. And you always forgive them. Always.”

A soft rustle of stiff fabrics, the type worn to protect and keep out the cold and damp, and a hand reached over. Grasping one of Ben’s with a firm squeeze. The touch was real, warm and more comforting than it had any right to be. He knew the ring on the hand, and the thin silvery criss cross scars of a life spent repairing flyers in tight places. 

“You’re allowed to be happy, kid. That’s all we ever wanted for you.”

Ben’s eyes flicked up, meeting Han’s with a sudden intake of breath. Father wasn’t here. Only those with the Force could reappear like this. And even then, requirements had to be met. Training, knowledge, strength. Yet here the man was, offering forgiveness for his own murder as though it were nothing more than Ben had spilled dinner on Mother’s new rugs. 

“What if I fail them?”

“You keep trying. That’s all life really is, son. You find people you love, you try together at whatever needs doing. When you screw up, you try to fix it and you trust that things will be ok.”

“And when they aren’t?” Ben was painfully aware of moisture sliding down his face. It wasn’t fair that Father wasn’t really here. That he wouldn’t get to hold the twins, that Leia couldn’t fuss at Han for putting too much sugar in his caf. It wasn’t fair and it was all Ben’s fault.

“Then that’s ok too. It’s ok for things to not be ok.” Han wiped the tears slowly from Ben’s face, a rough thumb brushing across Ben’s cheeks.

“How can you forgive me?” Unable to stand it any longer, Ben finally spoke the question out loud. Whatever this moment was, nightmare, delusion or something else, he needed to know.

“I love you, Ben. I always have and I always will. You’ll understand, once you hold them.” 

One last touch, an affectionate shoulder rub, and Father was gone. As quickly and silently as he’d arrived. Ben buried his head back into his hands, trying to understand what had just happened. Was this some kind of trick, perhaps the last surviving forces of the First Order had found him already? No, the touch was real, not some projection. A mirage of the Force? Possibly, but the only other users nearby were Rey and Mother. Rey wouldn’t, Mother might but both were still asleep.

“Why now.” Ben murmured to the world at large. Perhaps this was the first time he was ready to listen, Ben mused with a self-deriding snot before standing. He needed to visit the refresher, the twins would be waking Rey soon if they hadn’t already. Perhaps he had only been speaking with a memory, but if so it was a good memory.

Full story with detailed tags on A03

[mayhemandtrouble]

fck the fate of Faerun, no one touch my kiddos >:c

[mayhemandtrouble]

A little paradise in a post-apocalyptic world

finally getting around to posting on tumblr this beautiful scene brought to life by the lovely and talented @bloomsbury for my reylo fic 🖤

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never surrender ✨COMPLETE✨ Chp 4/4 | 43k words | rated E

🌃 Dystopia AU ⚔️ First Order Commander Kylo Ren x Resistance Officer Rey 💌 childhood acquaintances to enemies to lovers ❤️‍🔥 forbidden love 🍸 espionage 🌻 bittersweet ending but somewhat hopeful

✨

“But you must have a name. Everyone has—” His answer is immediate.

“No—I don’t want you to know me, nor do I want to know you. Don’t remember me, princess. Not like this.”

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📚: read on AO3

[mayhemandtrouble]

Wedding Bells Chapter

Full story with detailed tags of Ao3

The ceremony was scheduled loosely for morning, when gentle rays would be scattered through the leaves of nearby trees. Rey could hear her friends in the courtyard, with Rose taking charge of decorating as though she were tending to a fleet of ships. It was sweet. Last night, after a few drinks, she’d asked Rey if she and Finn ought to come to Naboo. Rey hoped they would.

“Ben, you’re supposed to be leaving!” Rey laughed, coming back to the moment as she felt his strong arms around her from behind.

“In a minute.” Ben smiled, gently coaxing her towards the refresher.

“What’s that?” She nodded towards the thin box while he picked up her brush. She’d suspected he would want to tend her hair himself. It had become a private ritual between them, with Ben allowing himself to care for another and Rey allowed herself to be cared about.

“Open it.” He teased, gently running the brush over his lover’s brown silk hair. Coaxing out every tangle before Ben began to section off slender bits, starting at her crown and working down. 

“Oh… oh Ben.” Rey breathed out slowly as she caught sight of what lay inside the box. Three pieces, to be precise. A bracelet, done in bright, silver metal that seemed to shimmer in the light. Simple enough but with a winding floral vine and embedded pearls for the center of each flower. Beneath were two copies in miniature, omitting the pearls. One for her, one for each of the twins.

“You should have-” Rey tried to turn her head but Ben kept her looking straight in the mirror with gentle pressure of his hands.

“Stay still. Besides,” Ben kissed the back of her neck lightly. It felt like so long ago that he had done this through their connections, trying desperately to win her trust only to break her goodness. “A man gets to decorate his love.”

“Mmm, but you’ll be left out when we all wear them.” She teased, knowing that warm purr in his voice. Ben was happy. That knowledge alone warmed her from the inside out.

“Silly Flower.” Using his teeth, he yanked the sleeve of his right arm down a little. Displaying a matching, if darker toned, piece already on his wrist. Far broader, it lacked the trailing the vine and pearls while keeping the floral images - carved directly into a dark metal so that the lines shone like stars in the night. “I intend to keep you where I can see you, even when I can’t reach you.”

Foolish sentiment, he knew. But even if he had to stay within the walls of Varykino forever, Rey would have to step out. He would not allow their marriage to become a cage for her. It was a trinket to bind the family, and to help him remember why he’d stepped back from the abyss.

When Ben stepped out of their bedroom, it was after drying several sets of happy tears from Rey’s cheeks. No doubt, she would be trying to think of something to present him with in the coming days. That was simply how they were, and he was grateful for it. Once fully into the hall, he noted his Mother lingering in a nearby doorway and smirked.

“Waiting to make a last plea for her sanity? She won’t run fast in her condition.”

“Her sanity is long gone.” Leia snorted, striding over to her son. Between his style and her own, the man was dressed in accordance with his family station. A black tunic, made of a textured weave that drew the light across, with a cape attached at the shoulders in a matte black. More of the same fabric draped across his broad chest as a sash. Trousers in black linen, with a stripe of gun metal silver running down the outside of his legs. A nod to Han’s blood stripes, though Leia knew better than to reference it aloud. 

“Agreed.” His smirk grew, along with the smile lines around his eyes. Leia had spared no expense, where Rey would let her indulge, and one could read the significance of the day in how she dressed. The sides of her hair had been rolled into beautiful ropes of strands, with Grandmother’s silver hairpieces secured along the back of her head. At the base of her neck, the length was braided and curled around itself, interwoven with ribbon that was embroidered with precious metals. Catching the light subtly but beautifully.

“Stand still, or you’ll make me wrinkle your tunic. Rey won’t care, but I will.” Leia fussed, seeming to pull a wide black belt from nowhere and securing it around her son’s waist. Each movement confused him and sent the immense swathes of her draped gown fluttering. She had selected rose colors, with wide silver accents that gathered the material of her sleeves several inches below her wrists. Entirely impractical and entirely wonderful.

“Mother-”

“It’s tradition, Ben.” Hushing him with a scolding tone, Leia fastened the belt neatly under his sash. She took only a moment to step back to observe the effect before adding her finishing touch.

Ben looked down when he felt a slight tug at the belt. As his mother’s hands withdrew, with a quiet smile on her face, he stared at what she had left behind. His saber, not as it was when he presented it to her, but how it had been before his fall. She had repaired it, quietly and on her own, removing the crossguard and cleaning the metal where the vents had blown. Now it shone in the morning light and when his ungloved fingers traced it, all he felt was her warmth.

“It’s family tradition for me to outfit you with a sword for your wedding day.”

She spoke quickly and Ben smiled. If that was the story she wished to tell, it was a good one. It was true, technically speaking. He was her heir, the only descendent of the Royal House of Alderaan. And with the Rhindon Sword destroyed along with the planet, something else would have to suffice. Though it certainly didn’t have to be a lightsaber, lovingly restored to the last time he’d been strong with the Light.

“Thank you, Mother.” Ben stooped and kissed her forehead lightly, before he was shooed along so that Leia could help Rey with her veil.

“You look beautiful.” Leia couldn’t help a smile of motherly pride at Rey. She had opted for a dress that was relatively simple, by the current planet’s fashion standards. White satin, whose full skirt flowed in waves along her figure, angled with a shorter hem in the front to display a cream lining to the skirt. A neatly tailored bodice, and the entire thing was modestly accentuated with the pearls, gems and beadwork that they had removed from Padme’s veil. 

“I feel like I’m about to trip and ruin the dress.” Rey scrunched her face in self-deception. She wasn’t wearing heels, plain white flats and she rather felt her ankles were spilling out of them, but still. Rey wasn’t used to formal attire at the best of times.

“You won’t. And even if you do, I’ve learned that nothing gets ruined beyond repair.” The older woman chuckled, noting the newly acquired bracelet on Rey’s wrist. She’d had to arrange those for Ben, of course. It had been nothing short of wonderful to see him so particular about each detail of a gift for Rey. “Sit down, let’s get you finished.”

“Should I wear cosmetics?” Eying Leia’s face in the mirror as Rey sat before the vanity, her own features felt plain for the occasion. She rarely contemplated the pigments, but seeing Leia’s perfectly adorned face brought the question back to the surface. She hadn’t expected Leia to pause in unpacking the veil, looking over at Rey for a long moment before answering.

“Do you want to wear them?”

“Maybe… just a little, for today. I don’t have any so could I…” She hesitated. This was the sort of thing one learned with their parents, Rey supposed. If they wanted to use the powders and creams at all, and how to use them. Or with their friends as children and teens. It wasn’t supposed to be something you learned from your husband’s mother on your wedding day.

“Let’s see if you like it.” Leia smiled. It was only a brief walk back to her own room and Leia returned with a large, cream toned case. Upon opening it, Rey swore there were more colors inside than she was aware existed in the entire galaxy. Small pots of barely tinted liquid, tubes of brillant scarlets and sweet pinks, pans of varying sizes and tones - the purpose of each alluded her. 

With absolutely no concern as to if it delayed things, Leia took her time. Showing Rey as her Mother had once taught Leia, with the pair settling on a barely there shade of dusty pink for her lip. A little shimmer on Rey’s eyelids that Leia skillfully blended out and a hint of mascara. The effect was subtle, and Rey found she more enjoyed the time spent with Leia than the impact of the pigments. Sharing a warm smile with her mother-in-law in the reflective glass while Leia settled the veil into place.

Rey had decided to do nothing to damage the family heirloom of generational fabric - leaving the opaque white veil as it was, so that it covered her hair and draped down her back in soft waves, echoing the hem of her dress. What they had done instead was to remove much of the opulence, leaving a scattering of beads along the fabric and having them skillfully placed along the dress. Spread over a much larger surface, they created the impression of having stardust scattered along her clothing. 

“One last thing.” Leia watched Rey turn to admire herself in a long mirror, the moment bittersweet. The poor girl should have her own family here with her, Han would have loved to see this too. Hated ceremonies but loved a party and he’d have been so proud of Ben. Well, she simply had to do the role of four and Leia Organa was used to taking on a challenge.

“Hmmm?” Rey glanced over in confusion, particularly when her mentor produced a thin silver metal belt, presumably from her large sleeves.

“On Alderaan, the Royal Heir would wear a ceremonial sword during their wedding. You’re both my heirs, so I expect you both to look the part.” Leia’s firm words didn’t tolerate objections, her fingers fastening the belt into place just as she had for Ben. Inspecting Rey fastidiously before she clipped an unfamiliar saber hilt to Rey’s new accessory. It was comprised mostly of a metal with an oddly rose gold hue to it, with raised stripes of silver metal down the length and rings at either end. “There. It will serve you well.”

“Leia, this is yours.” Rey’s voice faltered, her fingertips tracing the cool metal reverently. “I can’t…”

“You most certainly can and you will. Better it goes with you than to sit around gathering dust. My fighting days are behind me and I never cared for the thing anyway.” Dismissing every objection Rey could possibly muster with a smile and a shake of her grey head. Music began to float in through the open windows, increasing Leia’s smile. “Let’s get moving, before Ben decides I’ve kidnapped you.”

As Leia took Rey’s arm, there was a sense of correctness to see her saber at Rey’s hip. She wouldn’t tell them the reason she had set it aside, a premonition that her son’s death would be tied to her own path as a Jedi. Everything that they had done to try and circumvent fate for Ben had only made things worse. It was time to trust.

Chewbacca could barely believe what he was witnessing. The smile on Ben’s face was shockingly gentle as he reached out for Rey’s hand. Drawing the bride from Leia’s side to his own, under a small awning that was positively laden with flowers. Rey hadn’t expressed much in the way of wants or preferences, but she’d asked for flowers. So Chewie personally decorated the stupid metal arch himself - only because he could easily reach the top, mind you.

Rey looked stupidly happy as well, gazing up at Ben. They exchanged vows that were similar to the ones Chewie had heard Han and Leia offer each other. The similarity hurt, thinking about how much Han wanted to be there for his son.

The smuggler turned General would plan their missions around making sure they were back in time to take care of Ben. And increasingly, Han simply didn’t go on them anymore - preferring to spend time with his son. It had broken him when Ben rejected them all, broken him in a way that Chewbacca didn’t know Han could be broken. 

They’d gone back out, trying to make believe like nothing was wrong. Like Han’s son simply didn’t exist, was dead, or would be coming back - whatever was easier to process in the moment. Leia buried herself into work with a fervor Chewie had never seen, watching in dismay as his family began to drift further apart.

And then there was that smile. That soft smile that crinkled the skin by Ben’s eyes as he looked down to Rey, promising her a softer forever than he himself had any right to. And despite it all, Chewie wanted to believe it. Hating himself for it, Chewbacca wanted to believe that Han Solo’s son could find a way to be happy in a quiet life with Rey and their children.

If anyone had asked Poe Dameron if he ever planned to raise a glass with Kylo Ren, he would have broken their jaw just for having the nerve. It was hard not to though, when the asshole looked so damn pleased just to stand next to Rey during their little afterparty. 

There were gifts, of course. One doesn’t come to these sorts of things without them, and Leia seemed to be making up for lost time in spoiling the couple - regardless of how many times Rey protested that they simply didn’t need all this. And Kylo had quietly set Rey up in a comfortable chair, bringing her the wrapped parcels one at a time. Poe had seen barghests and hounds with less pathetically obvious devotion. He’d have to stop teasing Finn about being wrapped around Rose’s little finger - Rey barely had time to notice her glass was getting low before Kylo filled it again.

“Not what you expected either?” Finn’s voice was low and to the side. 

“Still hate him.” Poe snorted, lifting his glass and emptying it in a quick swallow.

“Feeling’s mutual.” If anything, watching the domesticity made Finn more angry with the former Supreme Leader. If the leaders of the First Order were capable of such tenderness, where the hell had it been during Finn’s life - when he was only a few letters and numbers without a name. 

“She’s happy though.” Poe finally spoke, with a begrudging tone and Finn nodded. They didn’t have to like it. They didn’t like it. But for Rey’s sake, they had to support it. At least unless the brat returned to the Kylo Ren that they knew. 

If Rey heard the murmured conversation, she gave no sign of it. The wounds created by the First Order, and by Kylo Ren, were poorly healed and would take time to recover. Meanwhile, the growing children demanded Rey be uncharacteristically selfish. She had to take care of herself, to accept Ben’s doting and for once wasn’t hurrying to run ahead. His fingers sliding over her hair - the precious veil tucked aside for the next generation - felt warm as sunshine.

“Rose, is this…?” Rey couldn’t hold back a shameless giggle as she revealed the box hidden by colorful wrapping paper. The paper itself was wadded into a ball and tossed gently to the ground, where the porgs began to peck at it. Trilling as they bounced and waddled after it while it rolled again.

“Yup! The new mod kit we were talking about before you left. It’s technically for the newer models but I figured we could retrofit it to the Falcon. Plus, I met a guy during one of the last missions - this is one of the deluxe editions. We could use it to program the ship speakers to blast dance music, or lullabies.” Rose’s smile was as wide and infectious as her friend’s. 

Picking out a wedding gift for General Organa’s daughter-in-law and Kylo Ren’s bride had been difficult at first. Nothing seemed good enough for the former, and she kept coming up empty when thinking about the latter. Nothing that was usual seemed to quite fit the bill. Finn, a little surprisingly, was the one who reminded her that the gift was for Rey. After that, it was simple.

“Fantastic!”

Ben admired the way her green eyes lit up, how her smile seemed larger than life. Thinking about her working on the Falcon was strange, uncomfortable. He’d never escape from the damn ship. Sighing in resignation, he shook his head and exchanged the unwrapped parcel for another. Anything to make her happy, keep her laughing. Including biting a raw spot on his cheek to make sure he didn’t say anything that would start a fight and ruin the day for her.

“This one’s from me.” Finn spoke up, quickly crossing the floor with a grin. “Well, from all of us but I came up with the idea.”

“And you’re sure fast to take the credit, buddy.” Poe smirked openly, seemingly indifferent but also sliding in closer to see how she reacted.

The box itself was nondescript, once deprived of its celebratory wrapping and bows. A simple brown gift box, the sort you’d buy at any number of stores throughout the galaxy. Once Rey removed the lid, her lips curved into an amused smile.

“Sand?” Lifting the container, Rey held it up to the light. It was a lovely piece in and of itself, a clear crystal orb with veins of gold, silver and copper running through. Small enough to fit in the palm of her hand and completely sealed, it was filled with sand with just enough empty space that she could watch the grains tumble about.

“From Jakku. So you’ll always have a bit of home.” Her first friend rubbed the back of his neck, watching her eyes. Rey was either going to love this or hate it. Finn was fairly certain she’d love it, but still. It hadn’t exactly been easy to get on short notice but Poe could get his hands on anything with a proper fire under his ass.

“Oh…” Rey’s voice trailed off, cupping the orb with both hands now. Home, her first home. Where she last saw Mother and Father, where she’d been born and they’d protected her from Grandfather. With tears in her eyes, Rey looked up to the three of them. “Thank you… so much.”

“Thank you.”

Every head in the room turned to Ben when he spoke. Apart from his vows, Ben had been exceptionally quiet. Creepily so, to Rey’s three friends. Now, the only two words he’d spoken carried the weight of the world. Especially as he took the gift with such care, making sure to place it on a nearby mantle where it would be safe. 

He couldn’t say he particularly cared for the thing, but Ben well understood the desire for relics of one’s past. Brushing his thumb lightly over the crystal surface, he wondered briefly if her parents would have approved of him. He’d have courted her relentlessly no matter what, but it was oddly warming to think they might have. A pleasant thought to consider as Ben made his way back slowly, watching his newly appointed wife open yet another gift from Mother.

[mayhemandtrouble]

We're Here!, Chapter 29 of Not Giving Up

Full story and detailed tags on A03 Days were surprisingly, almost painfully, peaceful at Varykino. Ben could distract his mind by training his body at least. There was certainly plenty of space in the courtyard - Rey had noticed that her fiance had, surprisingly, not attempted to leave the actual grounds. For now, she chalked it up to wanting to buzz around her like a sandfly. If anything, she wished he’d spend more time training.

It was decidedly more difficult to find things to occupy her time. The first few ones had been easy enough, getting the porgs set up by finding them little nests and teaching them where they could roam. Not that they particularly cared for rules, but they did so enjoy following Rey and Ben around and Rey enjoyed their company.

The Retreat was designed for artists, intellectuals with the sort of schooling Rey never had time to consider let alone dream of. She would have liked to settle in the shade and read, both the Jedi texts and avail herself of the overstuffed library at the Retreat. Two certain little someones made it impossible to sit still for very long, getting restless if Mama didn’t move enough.

“You could just ask me to read to you while you walk.”

Ben’s frustrated voice signaled that she had been caught, and that Ben didn’t approve of her new habit. In an attempt to solve both problems, Rey had taken to walking slowly with a datapad in one hand, the fingers of her other brushing along the wall to keep track of where she was. It… mostly worked.

“That’s embarrassing.” Her nose wrinkled and Rey stuck her tongue out over the top of the datapad. 

“Yes, having your husband read to you is much more embarrassing than waddling around at a snail’s pace while you try to make sure you don’t fall.” Ben snorted, but already conceded the loss. Rey had always been stubborn. Lack of sleep and an overabundance of hormones had made her even more so. Evidently this was business as usual for pregnant people, not that he had much experience with it.

“We’re not actually married yet, remember?” Snipping without any real anger, Rey actually sighed rather contently when Ben reached out to gently run his palms over her belly. 

“If you’d prefer to remain so, I can arrange that. Mother’s high society friends will be scandalized of course. It’s one thing for me to lead the First Order, another entirely to have children outside of marriage.” He teased in delight, savoring how Rey rolled her eyes at him. She was so much fun to play with, especially when her ire was already up for unrelated reasons.

“Speaking of the wedding though, and more importantly, I was sent to fetch you. We have guests.” Ben paused, letting his words hang in the air just long enough to annoy her into raising an eyebrow. “I suppose some of your Resistance friends got noisy. They’ve arrived for the event.”

It was entertaining to watch Rey attempt to scurry. This late in her term, it was adorable to watch her do anything really. The ceremony was happening tomorrow and not a moment too soon in his estimation. His lovely Flower looked as though the children would pop out at any moment.

“Look at this place!” Rose exhaled slowly, taking in the view of Varykino and its majesty. This place had the good grace to be old, not newly built with blood money and full of morally bankrupt assholes like the gambling den Finn had been impressed by. 

“This the kinda place you want?” Her dark skinned lover teased her. Finn was in much better spirits than he could ever recall being in his life. He had not expected to see the end of the war, at least the war as he knew it. It had taken so much from him, his childhood, his youth. And Rose would never truly consider settling when there was work she could be doing. Now, for the first time, he’d caught her looking at small cottages on calmer planets.

“Are you crazy? I need access to a city to make a living.” It was wild, the idea of making a living. Getting up, going to work, coming home to Finn. Resting. Having a normal life. The kind of life her sister would have wanted for them.

“Place is way too good for that asshole.” Poe grumbled, tossing their scant luggage out of the transport. His shoulders were itching, annoyed and entirely unsure how he had let them talk him into this. 

“No argument. General must know what she’s doing though.” Rose sighed, stretching her arms over her head as she stepped out of the transport. It was easy to be happy for Rey, but difficult to reconcile who her friend was happy with. 

“Rose! Finn! Poe!”

There was no mistaking the happy voice, coming from inside the doorway to Varykino. Finn and Rose broke into an immediate trot while Poe delayed. Outside of a few hours in the med bay, he hadn’t spoken to Rey since she’d shot him with lightning. Which had probably been an accident but it was disconcerting all the same. Especially considering who the dumbass was marrying.

Inside, Ben watched the reunion with a touch of jealousy. He knew, intellectually, that they posed no threat to his happiness. Rey would choose him and the children over and over again. And he’d made it his business to ensure that Rey was kept fucked within an inch of her life, though he denied even to himself that a part of it came from wanting to ensure she was too sated to ever seek another. 

He didn’t begrudge her their friendships. Ben didn’t even mind that they took her time, occupied her mind when a twisted part of him wanted Rey to think only of him. What he struggled with was her smile, how she embraced the others so freely, shining that warmth he coveted for himself. Ben braced himself on a railing, well aware that he was playing a rather cliche role as he watched his love from a distance.

“I would ask if you’re about to cause trouble. Except that I didn’t inform them where she is.”

Mother’s voice carried a light scolding and Ben smirked a little, loosening his grip on the stone.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re referencing, Mother.”

“You never have before, so I don’t expect you to start now.” She huffed, coming to stand by her son. A little smile gracing her features as she watched Poe awkwardly walk towards Rey. The four would sort things out between themselves, given time. Their bonds were simply too strong to tolerate division for long. “She’s happy to see them.”

“That’s what matters.” Ben glanced down at his Mother, entirely unsurprised she had figured him out. His last attempt to surprise Rey had ended in having to tell her about her lineage. This one was, blessedly, going according to plan.

 Bathed in the glow of a beautiful sunset, Rey was the picture of a delighted mother and bride-to-be. With Ben under strict orders not to come close, she was showing off the veil they’d adjusted to suit her own taste, along with the little mobiles she’d fashioned to hang over the cribs. Small models of ships and planets, suspended on wire and brightly colored. Two of the three porgs were waddling, investigating the new items and the visitors, while the third was settled on Rey’s lap - taking a nap.

“I don’t really know what babies ought to have and the HoloNet threads get so confusing and angry.” Rey confessed with a sheepish laugh to Finn, watching as he dangled one of her creations from his strong fingers.

“Everything on the HoloNet gets angry.” Rose snorted, tracing her finger lightly down the edge of the veil. “I can’t believe you get to use the General’s Mother’s veil though.”

“It’s just nice to have something with family history.” It was so soothing to see her friends going through the wedding regalia and baby things. This is what people are supposed to have when they are starting a new chapter, a family to celebrate with.

“You did a great job, Rey. You gonna make some more of these? Could probably sell them at that market you were talking about.” Finn grinned over at her. She was happy and that set him more at ease. It helped that the asshole hadn’t been spotted yet, but he’d never seen Rey looking so well. So minor points in the jerk’s favor.

“Oh, that’s a great idea-”

Whatever Rose had been about to say was cut off by one Poe Dameron stalking across from the other side of the courtyard and slamming a brightly colored drink down on the table beside Rey. He had a matching one in his hand, the kind that have you wobbling in your steps before you even get to the bottom.

“Poe…. I’m pregnant.” Rey arched her eyebrows, glancing at the beverage and the look of grim determination on his face.

“I made it without booze.” Poe didn’t so much sit down as he collapsed into a nearby chair, taking a quick drink from his glass. The alcohol missing from her glass had gone into his own. “Look, we gotta talk about you shooting me with lighting and that’s the sorta thing that requires a drink.”

“We literally went over and agreed not to.” Rose groaned, burying her face in her hands. “Rey, I’m so sorry.”

“Poe, knock it off.” Finn rose quickly and, while he set down the mobile with care, the hand that squeezed his friend’s shoulder was tight. They all wanted answers about what happened that day but they had also all said to wait until after the high risk pregnancy was successfully completed!

“Look, I’m sorry but Rey… I gotta know. Is that some shit he taught you? What kinda path is he taking you down?” 

Poe’s eyes seemed to burn through her and Rey looked down at her lap, her left hand stroking slowly over the twins. Ben wouldn’t be so much as annoyed with her if she cast the blame at his feet to hide her parentage. Leia likely wouldn’t raise an eyebrow. And it wasn’t as though Ben hadn’t taught her a few tricks. It wouldn’t be such a lie to say that she learned it from him. Only it didn’t feel right, the words sitting like dusty bricks in her mouth and refusing to come out.

“No. I… That… Poe, that was an accident…”

“No shit, but where did you learn it? What the hell happened to you while you were with him?” Concern and anger mixed together. He shouldn’t have let her leave, Leia’s plan or not. Poe should have put his foot down and insisted Rey go somewhere safer, have more guards or just stay there where they knew she was protected. 

“I… it… it’s sort of… genetic? We used the time to investigate and… I come from a line strong with the Dark Side of the Force. So…” Rey swallowed, finally picking up the drink that Poe provided and holding it in both hands. Rotating the cool glass slowly as she summarized to the bits that seemed relevant. 

There was a meaningful pause as they all let the new information stink in. Neither of the three knew much of the Force, their rising concern was for their friend, not the balance of the Galaxy.

“What the fuck does that even mean?” Poe sighed, leaning back now that Finn finally released his grip. 

“It means it’s not our business.” Finn growled a little. Rey was dealing with enough. If the woman was a traitor to the Resistance, Leia wouldn’t be here.

“I’m related to the Emperor. Believe me, I’m not happy about it and don’t go talking about it.” Rey sighed, raising the glass and finishing it in one go. Rather wishing that the overly sweet mixture actually had the burn that would help ease this moment from her mind.

“You’re one of us.” Rose was the first to speak, standing up and grabbing Poe’s glass from him before he could get wasted and say something even stupider. Pouring it out over the railing while shooting Poe an angry look, she continued. “Some of us just need to figure out how to express themselves without being assholes.”

“Tactful’s not my strong point.” Poe conceded, mumbling as he dropped his head onto his hand - supported by the table - while he tried to sort through the information he’d just been given. It sorta explained a lot, the woman was strong as hell and exceedingly quick-witted. Maybe accounted for her shitty taste in partners as well. 

“We’ve got you.” Finn moved to squeeze Rey’s shoulder, a much more gentle and supportive gesture. “Sides, there’s a ton of us who didn’t get a say in being connected to that bullshit.”

Rey started to protest then swallowed the words. She had chosen not to go into detail but their origins were sadly similar. Finn’s parents might have loved him, they might not have. They might be dead, they might be alive. The First Order had plucked her friend from whatever life he’d had before at the tender age of three. He struggled with many of the same questions, only phrased a little differently.

Perhaps shared experience of being alone was why he was so protective of her, Finn mused. They’d met on both the worst and best day of his life, during his escape from the First Order. Rey had never cared that he used to be a Stormtrooper and he sure as hell didn’t care who she happened to share some DNA with.

“Thanks.” Rey squeezed Finn’s hand, drawing comfort in the warmth there. He and Chewie were the first constant good things in her life.

“Whelp.” Poe exhaled, finally lifting his gaze back to Rey. “You, ah… need someone to run any last minute errands? Flowers or… something?”

Trying to help, however awkwardly, was a way for Poe to apologize and a step towards acceptance. That it was Poe fucking Dameron offering to go buy wedding flowers just made it hilariously endearing. Rose and Rey met each other’s gaze and, slowly but steadily, dissolved into a mutual fit of giggles that didn’t end for the better part of ten minutes. Poe would endure floral themed teasing for the rest of the night.

Ben’s pre-event preparations were much quieter but no less soothing. He had hung their clothing for the ceremony so that each garment would be accessible and in the correct order to be worn. Where she had the veil, however, he didn’t know. Rey didn’t want him to see how it had been changed before the ceremony. It seemed pointless, but he obliged her.

When Rey went to dress, she would find a thin box, tied with a black ribbon, set down next to her hairbrush as a quiet wedding day gift. She would protest later, saying he ought to have told her so that she could get something for him. But she would smile for him and that was all he wanted.

In the fading light, he stepped out on a small, more private balcony with two bottles of very expensive ale. If Ben strained, he could occasionally catch laughter from the other side of the Retreat. He settled his large frame on the wide stone railing and leaned back against a pillar. Above his head, flowering vines draped as though deliberately placed to create a romantic effect. They’d probably been carefully cultivated to do just that, he mused.

What was odd to him was not his lack of company, but the lack of whispers in his mind. Certainly, Ben would have expected to feel the Dark Side pulling at him tonight. With Rey’s friends here, he was alone. His Father wasn’t here to offer advice on making a marriage work, and that was Ben’s own fault. Chewbacca wouldn’t be stopping by with a drink, and there wouldn’t be any embarrassing stories about how toddler Ben had gotten Chewie so sticky the poor Wookie had to be shaved. He was alone, the end product of his own choices. Surely there was no better time to torture him.

Ben pried the tops off both bottles with a practiced hand. Alderaanian ale was extremely difficult to get ahold of, what with the main producer having been destroyed by his Grandfather. For better or for worse, depending on how much of a beer snob one was, the rich grains had already been exported and there were a few specialty companies catering to a niche market. Mostly Alderaanian families whose survival had been luck, happening to be off-planet for whatever reason, rich business types and drink enthusiasts.

“Wish you were here, Dad.” He whispered into the growing darkness, setting one of the bottles on the far side of the ledge before Ben took a slow drink from his bottle.

“He’d remind you that drinking alone is dangerous.”

“One’s for him.” Ben wasn’t surprised to hear his mother’s voice though he hadn’t been expecting it. “I thought you were with Rey.”

“They see me as the General, to one degree or another. I’m more concerned about being your Mother right now.” Leaning her cane against the railing, Leia’s hand gently cupped her son’s face. Tracing her finger along a hint of scruff. “You need to shave.”

“Rey likes a little stubble.” She wasn’t wrong though. He’d shave neatly before the ceremony though why Ben couldn’t just say that, he didn’t know. Exhaling slowly, he looked down at the bottle in his hands.

“I’m so proud of you.”

Her words were quiet and cruelly sincere, causing Ben to duck his head. How dare she. How could she possibly say such a thing. When she, of all people, knew his sins and the measure of his failures. Had he not single-handedly destroyed their family? He’d murdered Father, driven Uncle to exile first then death. Mother had been spaced in an attack he’d led, personally.

Leia’s touch drew his features upwards again, and her smile was tender. Her wonderful boy had fallen so far, nearly drowning in corruption and darkness. Yet he came back, came back and was adding to the galaxy. It would never erase what was done but all the same. Ben was back, fighting the Darkness. Her thumb caressed his cheek, catching a bead of moisture in the dim light.

“Mother… why…”

His voice broke on the question but he didn’t need to continue. Leia’s arms wrapped around him, pulling Ben into the embrace he hadn’t felt in so long. Worn fingers soothed gently through his hair while her own heart shattered into pieces around them. The why was the many hundreds, thousands of questions they had all suffered.

“We failed you Ben, but we never stopped loving you. Never.” He smelled of the same soaps as when he was a teen. Cocky and convinced he knew everything one moment, frightened of the Darkness that swirled around him in the next one.

The ale bottle slipped from his fingers, creating a mess several floors below for the poor groundskeeper. Ben couldn’t bring himself to care, burying his head into his Mother’s shoulder and grasping tightly to her petite frame. He was not the sort of person that people loved. Kylo Ren had no right to expect affection or comfort.

“It’s all right, Ben. Ssh, it’s all right.” Leia rubbed her hand between his shoulder blades as Ben’s shoulders began to shake, soothing him slowly as she had so many times in the past. When things had felt both a great deal simpler and a great deal worse. Humming him a familiar lullabye as Ben wept in quiet shudders.

There was a great deal to cry over and Ben wasn’t sure where his pain started and regret for his actions began. Only that everything blended together and that his Mother still felt so safe, with a scent of delicate flowers and gentle touch.

“I’m sorry.” She deserved a better apology, something formal and drawn out. The sort of thing that would be carved into a statue’s plaque - commemorating Han’s legacy and Ren’s defeat. All he could give her were two broken words, his voice wracked with tears.

“I know.” Leia buried her head into his dark curls, her own shoulders trembling with unshed tears. Words would not bring Han back, or the millions of lives that had been snuffed out. Yet let the galaxy hate her, she would protect her son. Pulling back slightly, Leia cradled his face in her hands. “We’re so sorry. Your Father and I. We are both so sorry.”

He couldn’t remember seeing his Mother cry. Not like this. She had shed poignant tears during speeches, and he could remember her crying at the memorials for her own parents. This was a deeper wound, one that seemed it might carve the woman in two. It physically hurt Ben to see the pain in her eyes and so he buried back against her shoulder. Letting them both have the comfort of the only other living Skywalker.

“Why Uncle?”

“Because he was Luke Skywalker.” Leia laughed darkly through her tears. She’d had such perfect faith in her brother. Han had been doubtful and she should have listened. But even he had trusted Luke. All three of them trusted each other almost blindly, but what can one expect? They had pulled each other out of so many situations that were simply impossible. At some point, one simply starts to expect miracles.

“And if the Legend can’t redeem the boy, kill him.” Ben eased back slowly, looking up at his Mother with self-hatred in his eyes. How many nights had he wondered if Uncle had been right. He was Luke Skywalker after all.

“Never.” Leia nearly hissed in her admance, brushing tears from his face. She had nearly killed Luke herself. A part of her still wished she had, or had let Han. Perhaps then Ben would have felt safe. “That was never the plan and we were never all right with what happened that night. We didn’t know how to help you afterwards, but it doesn’t mean what your Uncle did was right.”

He closed his eyes and tried to remember exactly what his parents had said then. There had been a lot of fighting between them all. Father had been so outwardly furious at Uncle but Ben internalized it. After all, it wouldn’t have been a problem if he wasn’t a monster. The memories seemed to be distorted, as though viewing a painting through ripped gauze and broken lenses. Oddly indifferent to the idea, Ben wondered for a moment if Snoke had been toying with his perception of events even then. It wasn’t as though the bastard had ever attempted to be impartial.

“How long will you stay after tomorrow?” Ben spoke after a long silence, brushing the last of the moisture away with the back of his hand. If he was being honest with himself, he didn’t want her to leave anytime soon. They had a great deal to discuss between them but Ben couldn’t manage more than a little at a time. If he was being honest with himself. “Rey would appreciate help with the twins.”

“Until you’re all well-settled. However long that takes.” Leia promised with a squeeze of his hands and, for the first time in what felt like a lifetime, Ben believed his Mother. Full story and detailed tags on A03

[mayhemandtrouble]

Welcome Home, Chapter 28 of Not Giving up

Full story with detailed tags on A03

Arrival at Varykino felt like Ben stepping back into his childhood vacations. He didn’t know if Mother had been planning that but it certainly had the effect. If he listened carefully, he could nearly hear his own voice hollering for Father to come see how high he’d climbed in a tree. Or wall, clinging to decoration and creeping plants.

“Mmm, are we here?” Rey stretched sleepily, her mind foggy from slumbering the bulk of the ride. Chewie trilled in the affirmative while Ben hopped down. Assisting his Mother down first before circling around with arms raised for Rey.

Chewie glared at Ben, rising with his friend and family member in his arms. Rey’s arms wrapped around his fuzzy shoulders and her head leaned against Chewie’s shoulder. At that moment, she felt small and delicate. Exactly the sort of person he shouldn’t be handing over to Ben of all people.

Ben’s breath caught in his throat and he tried to hide the nerves that shot through him. He didn’t want to have to fight Chewbacca. It wouldn’t be a fight he could win, no matter how one looked at it or on any level. He exhaled slowly, hearing Chewie’s quiet, threatening growl. Straightening his back, Ben planted himself more firmly and only reached up a little more.

He was surprised, and quite relieved, when Chewie knelt slowly to put the still dozing Rey in Ben’s arms. Her features nuzzled into his neck and Ben grasped his precious cargo with reverence.

“Thanks.”

It was a quiet word, barely there but it hung in the air between them. Even as Ben turned and started into the Retreat. Chewie shook his head, rolling his shoulders in annoyance. Leia tried to grab a few of the light bags and he howled at her. He needed the humans to go… sort their mess. At least taking this crap inside would give him time to consider a thought that had begun to haunt him: What would Han want, right now, if he was here?

“This place is so large… How many others are staying here?” Rey settled on the largest bed she’d ever seen in her life, taken aback by both the opulence of their surroundings and how matter-of-course it seemed for Ben.

“Just us. Varykino has been used for community events in the past but my understanding is that it’s not public. I don’t know who actually owns the land but it’s been strongly affiliated with my grandmother’s people, the Naberries, for quite awhile.” He shrugged without care, far more focused on unpacking their things. While they were at the markets, his Mother had - predictably - meddled and arranged a number of clothing changes for them both. Ranging from comfortable simplicity to a few gowns any Naboo well-to-do would be proud to own. Ben sighed in affectionate exasperation. Rey was unlikely to wear them but she’d still be annoyed if they weren’t hung properly. A gift from Leia and all that.

“This is too big for a family home!” Her green eyes followed Ben as he moved around. Rey felt somewhat guilty that she wasn’t helping but he’d teased her with playful scoldings until she relaxed onto the bed. Rather getting the feeling that Ben wanted to be the one who did this first sorting of their items into their first shared space.

“It was designed to be an artist retreat, inspirational and all that shit. This is the sort of place where the wealthy compete by how much money they throw at poets and such.” His nose wrinkled in disgust. It was arguably better than other ways the elite of the galaxy measured their worth, but it still struck him as utterly pointless and without tangible power.

“I suppose that is why everything looks so lovely.” Rey murmured, slowly rubbing her fingers over the swell of the twins. Ben nodded in quiet affirmation, hanging the last of the garments while Rey’s gaze swept over the room again. They were several stories up, with large windows that overlooked the lake and a large, private balcony. Their ‘room’ felt more like a house to Rey, complete with a fully furnished sitting room and luxurious refresher. On top of which, everything seemed recently scrubbed clean, with the heavy wood furniture smelling wonderfully of some fruit oil rubbed into the grain. Perhaps this was the sort of lifestyle Sheev Palpataine had enjoyed. It was difficult for her to imagine having so much and wanting to take from others.

“Get some rest.” Ben’s hand landed atop her hair, now loose around Rey’s shoulders, and tousled the strands affectionately.

“I slept the whole way here!” She protested but scooted over to make room for him on the bed.

“Mother is going to start talking to you about ceremony things tomorrow. So you’ll need all you can get.” He grinned, coming to sit beside her and starting to unfasten her garments before even considering working on his own. “For the record, I don’t much care so it’s whatever you like.”

“Ugh, Ben I’m not a child!” Brushing his fingers away, Rey sighed in exasperation, chasing his fingers away. “You aren’t invested in your wedding?”

“I didn’t say I’m not invested, I simply never thought Kylo Ren would marry. So, all things considered, I’d prefer you be comfortable than cling to traditions that I haven’t even thought about since I was a child.” Accepting his defeat, Ben worked at his own garments and created a neat pile beside him on the bed.

“You’re impossible.” Rey grumbled, wiggling out of the costly new garments. It would probably be easier if Ben just took over the stupid ceremony thing but he, annoyingly, had a point. Sighing, she handed him the garments and wiggled her naked frame beneath the covers. Rey probably ought to visit the refresher to get the dust of travel off her, but she was irked at both the world and her body at the moment. Besides, she’d be up to pee in ten minutes anyway.

“I am.” Ben chuckled, kissing the top of her head as he took the garments. Tucking everything into a hamper before joining her in the bed, wearing only black silk boxers. Nestling her frame against his, he nuzzled along her neck. “Look. If you want me involved, I’ll get involved.”

“I hate it when you’re reasonable.” Rey grumbled low in her throat, entirely aware she was being childish and not caring in the slightest. Her body was aching, her emotions were running rampant, she was still unpacking the ‘half strandcast’ thing, and Ben’s arms gave her a place where she could be as unreasonable and petty as she wanted.

“I’ll go back to being an asshole after the delivery, don’t worry.” He teased, tilting her chin upwards to steal a kiss. Mother would want to start planning things right at breakfast, if he knew her at all, and Ben found himself oddly looking forward to it. No matter how involved they actually wanted him in the wedding bullshit, the fact remained that he and Rey were starting to do the normal, everyday things that couples do. It was a strange, relaxing realization.

Rey rose abundantly early the next morning, or more accurately, she barely got any sleep. The twins had become restless, kicking and shifting seemingly nonstop. It felt as though she would give birth at any moment and the waiting had her on edge.

Despite the massive size of the place, at least by Rey’s standards, it had been easy enough to find the kitchen. She’d been surprised that it was fully stocked but supposed that was Leia’s planning. Whatever the reason, she was thankful. Medical droid instructions be damned, Rey blew the steam off a cup of black caf as she made her way to the railing of the large patio that overlooked the lake.

She’d never been anywhere designed to provoke artistry before, but Rey could see how it would. The space looked like it could hold dozens of people, sitting and drawing or… whatever those types did. There was a delicate fog gracing the water, with the morning sunlight shining just right so that the whole thing seemed to glow from within. 

That first sip was heaven. Rey detected notes of an unfamiliar spice mixed in with the grounds. Something local, she would guess, and it made the currently forbidden brew delightfully exotic. Between the romantic scenery and the new clothing - a finely made maternity dress of gathered cream linen that whirled around her, with a navy housecoat that belted just below her breasts and trimmed in silver - Rey felt like a princess in some story. 

She was about to become one, she supposed, gasping her mug with both hands. Warming her fingers as she smiled into the mug of dark liquid. If Leia was a Princess, she supposed that made Ben a Prince, making her a princess as well once they married. Not that Rey was planning to acquire a tiara anytime soon.

“I told you my nephew was no good.” 

That was all it took to destroy Rey’s blissful mood, her head turning to her left where Luke had appeared. Leaning his arms onto the railing and looking out at the same beautiful sight she had been taking in. Only seemingly without appreciation for it.

“I have an exceedingly short temper at the moment. I don’t need you to make things worse.” Rey snapped, turning away from him and taking another sip of the caf. It definitely hadn’t been this bitter before.

“I don’t see how having Kylo Ren’s brats leaves room for anything to get worse.” Luke scowled, leaning further onto the railing. 

“Leave our children out of this or I will find a way to end you,” she hissed. The very air around her seemed to darken and grow thicker. 

“To be fair, I called him a brat too, while Leia was still carrying him. She had a better sense of humor about it.” Luke smirked with a dark look in his eye. Inhaling deeply, before looking towards Rey and speaking quietly. “You know if you stay with him, you’ll be trapped here too.”

“I know.” She nodded, taking a long sip of the caf. It was not her favorite thought, but there was no point denying it. Ben’s parentage allowed him a beautiful prison, with the greatest chance of reformation they could manage, but a gilded cage is still a cage. “He will prove himself over time. And there are worse places to raise children.”

“It’s not too late for you to run.”

She looked at her former teacher, her eyes wide in abject horror while Luke continued.

“Leia wouldn’t blame you. No one would. Not even him. Run, sever your connection to the Force and he won’t be able to find you.” Luke exhaled, watching her. Rey’s body was stiffening, her hands so tight around the mug that he worried it might shatter in her grip. She wouldn’t listen to reason, and it hurt. What influence would Kylo Ren have on the children, who would almost assuredly have the same Force connection as their parents.

“Do you have any idea what that would do to him!” Where she hadn’t wanted to look at him at first, now Rey couldn’t look away. Taking the children away would destroy Ben. Everything that she had worked so hard for, trying desperately to save him, would be an utter waste.

“I’m not going to pretend I’m thinking about him. I’m thinking about them.” Luke nodded towards Rey’s stomach, standing upright and folding his arms across his chest. Sighing heavily before he looked down at the lovely, polished tiles of the patio. “What do you think would have happened, if Leia and I had been raised by our Father?”

“Ben. Isn’t. Vader.” She bit off every word, feeling her blood pressure rising.

“How far would you let an infection spread before you remove the limb to save the patient?” Luke’s gaze was demanding, unrelenting in its intensity. Where did Rey draw the line or would she be like his own mother. Forever unknown to her children, a sacrifice of her husband’s ego.

“He’s your family. You must have loved him once…” Rey’s voice was barely a whisper, trying to fathom the twisted logic at play in Luke’s head. There must be some reasoning there, some thread that she could follow. If he could see Anakin’s redemption, then surely Luke could learn to see past his own perceptions regarding Ben.

There was silence between the two for a long moment. With Rey watching him, her caf chilling in her hands while Luke contemplated his next words. 

“I never stopped loving him.” Luke finally spoke, his eyes closed as though reliving that night. The night when duty had never been more of a burden, hating himself both for acting and for not seeing it through. “I could not guide him. And the galaxy had suffered enough in the Skywalker name.”

“That’s why you went straight to murder.”

Ben’s voice bellowed from an open doorway, his nostrils flared in fury. He would have preferred to see Rey speaking with Hux than his Uncle. Stepping forward, his long limbs made short work of the distance and he inserted himself between the two without the slightest apology. Behind him trailed the three porgs who squawked angrily at Luke while Ben turned his back on Uncle to offer Rey the tray he held in his hands. “I made you breakfast.”

“Ben…” There was a fresh cup of tea, probably without the stimulants that the droids kept harping on her about. But it was hot, and there were thick slices of warm bread he’d slathered with some type of butter. Along with a dish of sliced fruits and a variety of pickled vegetables off to the side, with some generous cuts of crispy fried meat. It smelled heavenly, and if the meat was a little burned, she didn’t care at all. 

“Come on. Let’s eat.” Pointedly ignoring Luke, Ben led the way to a small table with a lovely view - not that there was a bad view at the Retreat. Rey hummed in agreement, walking along beside him. Without the slightest bit of embarrassment, she did turn to look at Luke one last time to stick out her tongue. If he could not see the value in Ben, then Luke was the one missing out. 

“Rey… stop worrying about Luke.” Leia’s hands reached out, gently covering the younger woman’s. It was the middle of the day, they were enjoying a platter of cheeses with berries. And olives, dipped in whipped cream, for Rey.

“I’m sorry. I was really hoping…” Her voice trailed off. They were supposed to be planning the ceremony, in the hopes that it would take place before the birth. It did mean moving a bit quicker than Rey supposed most couples planned things. A medical droid, arranged by Leia, had arrived this morning and given them a stronger idea on the due date. Making things a bit for ‘real’ for them all.

“I know, I was too. Ben is with us now though, and Luke isn’t going anywhere. There is plenty of time for them to work things out.” Where Rey felt anxiety, Leia was calmer than she had been in decades. The reports she received regarding the dismantling of the First Order footholds were proceeding well. The information Ben had given them was quite effective, as others within the Resistance had to begrudgingly admit. The future was still uncertain, but she could afford to be cautiously optimistic.

“At least Chewie offered to help Ben put the cradles together.” Rey mused, hoping that was going well. She and Ben had spent some time that morning, selecting a room for a nursery, and the two were also supposed to start setting up the various bits of baby furniture that Leia had arranged for. 

“There hasn’t been any screaming either. Chewie put Han through a wall at least once when they were building Ben’s.” Leia smirked at the memory and Rey genuinely wasn’t sure if the older woman was exaggerating or not.

“Are you sure it’s ok for me to wear the veil?” Rey changed the subject and crossed her fingers that Ben would still be alive when everything was built. Nodding towards the heavy cloth that lay nearby, safe on a separate table but within easy access. How Leia had arranged for it to be transported so quickly was a matter of speculation for another day. “Especially changing bits?”

“That’s the tradition, Rey. That fabric has been handed down through the generations. My Mother wanted to use it as a veil and this was the style she chose. If you want to remove all the beading and turn it into a sash, or a shawl, that would also be fine.” Leia paused, chewing thoughtfully on a bit of cheese as she eyed the veil. When she spoke again, her voice was quieter. “It’s a shame, I can’t give you something from my mother Breha.”

“... She was your adoptive mother?”

“The only Mother I ever knew.” Leia smiled affectionately in reply to Rey’s quiet question. “Padme Amidala birthed me, and I know she loved me. But it was Breha Organa who wiped my tears and taught me to climb trees.”

“What happened to her?”

“Father killed her. Both of my parents died when the Death Star struck Alderaan.” Anakin might argue that he hadn’t given the order but Leia never saw much difference, all things considered. Her lips twisted into a wry smile. “I’m afraid you’ve opted to marry into a family that has a great deal of grief, Rey.”

“Master, I’m not-”

“I think you can stop calling me that now.” Leia leaned her cheek upon her palm, elbow propped on the table. “You’re marrying my son, and giving me grandchildren. Leia, if you like, or Mother. But we’ll not continue standing on ceremony when you’ve done more for my family than I ever could have asked.”

“Right.” 

Rey took part in the rest of the conversation, to be sure. Leia was helpful in offering suggestions for various rituals, bits of tradition from here and there that Ben and Rey might find meaningful. By the time they were done, there was a plan in place for a modest ceremony. The sort of quiet joining that Leia did not entirely understand but, to Rey’s relief, happily supported. Throughout it all, Rey’s mind kept circling around Leia’s words. Not Master but Leia or Mother.

With the two women watching the sun, as it began to sink into the second half of the day, Rey savored the time alone with Leia. Talking about small matters, things like toys for the children, sweets Ben had liked as a child, little things that would help Rey stay grounded once the infants arrived.

“I don’t know much about being a mother.” The younger woman spoke quietly, tracing her fingers over the swelling of the twins. 

“Nobody knows about being a parent until they are one. It’s one of those things that you can’t really train for, Rey.” Leia chuckled quietly, leaning back into her chair. Watching as her daughter-in-law’s nose wrinkled, clearly not feeling much in the way of comfort. “If you want, I can teach you a few simple recipes. I’m not much of a cook, but it’s good to have a few tricks up your sleeve.”

“That would be nice…” Leia was being so kind. Like a Mother. It was difficult to process, in the wake of discovering what her own parentage was. It was difficult to imagine that Leia would want to keep teaching her anything, regarding the Force or nappy changing, once the General knew.

“Rey… something is troubling you.” Leia spoke gently, reaching out to refill their cups. It was tempting to pry, always wanting to know everything. Instead, she waited with practiced patience.

“Ben found out who my parents are, where my family is from.” Not long ago, Rey would have expected to deliver this news with such joy. Proof of Ben’s devotion and answers to her long, miserable wonderings. Instead, she had to brace herself against the truth. “I’m-”

“A Palpatine. I’ve always known, Rey.” She smiled sadly to Rey. Yet again, Leia had hoped to achieve the greatest good through silence, at least for a time. “At first, there wasn’t time to tell you before you raced off to find Luke. Then… Well… You already felt isolated.”

Leia’s voice trailed off, growing quiet with the confession. She’d never expected Rey to become involved with Ben, of all people. And for him to care enough to beat her to the punch in providing the information. Cultists of Sidious were still a danger and so the woman would have had to be told. Just… at a better time. Leia had discovered the hard way that the truth must not be hidden for long, but a truth learned at the wrong time can still destroy everything. 

“I understand.” Where Ben was angry, Rey couldn’t help but wish she didn’t know any of it again. The brave face she’d put on for Anakin was somewhat of a lie, wanting to go back to when she could still believe that her parents were alive. That her birth hadn’t sealed their fate.

“You’d be well within your rights to be angry at me.” The older woman sighed quietly, reaching out to take Rey’s hand. Giving her a comforting squeeze. “I regret not telling you sooner though I’m afraid I have very little that I can actually tell you.”

“What do you know?” Rey met Leia’s eyes in a pleading look. Despite the pain, whatever knowledge there was, she was desperate for it. 

“I met your father once, when he was a very young man. He had been turned loose from those that created him, after it was determined he would manifest no connection to the Force. At the time, I believed Sidious was truly dead and no connection left to the galaxy. Your Father was… a frightened soul who didn’t know how to keep quiet.” Leia’s eyes closed, recalling the event through so many years of a full life. “Dathan had brown hair and the first sproutings of a mustache. We were aboard a ship, I can’t recall why. He let far too much slip in nervous conversation and I took him to task for it. I arranged passage for him to somewhere else and counseled him to keep quiet about his destination.”

“Why didn’t you take him with you?” Rey felt tears creeping into her voice as she asked. If he had been with Leia, things would have been different. He would have been all right. Maybe they could have all…

“He wanted to live peacefully, away from fighting and anything that smelled of politics. Many people have successfully lived quiet lives on the Outer Rim. With what we knew at the time, it seemed quite a sound plan and I didn’t want to drag him into further misery.” She’d done the best she could at the time, Leia knew that. It didn’t stop her from wishing she had known more, had foreseen more, done more.

“That’s all most of us want, I suppose.” Rey murmured, finally lifting her cup though the liquid inside had gone cold. 

 “Many. I was never content with a quiet life.” Leia couldn’t help a quiet chuckle, remembering how Han had fussed at her for seeming to take on every problem in the galaxy with her own two hands. “What about you, will you be happy with a quiet life?”

“I will be happy where Ben is, where we can raise the twins.” She answered firmly, though it was a good question. Rey had been training as a Jedi, she’d seen battle and witnessed how she could personally turn a tide. It was somewhat difficult to imagine a life utterly devoid of these things now.

“You will all find your way,” Leia gave Rey’s hand another squeeze and a warm smile. Without Rey’s parents, and without Han, she would have to try and provide the support of four parents, and grandparents, herself. At least she had finally reached a time where a quiet life did not sound so bad.

The conversation was still on Rey’s mind late into the evening, when everyone else had gone to sleep and Rey was trying to find a comfortable spot in the bed next to Ben. There was plenty of space but no matter how she turned, it felt there was always a little foot in her ribs.

Had Mother struggled to sleep like this, had Father told her how he came to be? Was she scared for the baby inside her, as Rey worried followers of her grandfather might come after them. Or Ben’s followers, it was hard to tell which was more likely though she tried to have faith in Leia and Ben’s confidence in the Lakeside’s privacy. Sighing, she rolled onto her side, drumming her fingers against the fine sheets, when she felt Ben’s arm curl around her.

“Go to sleep.”

His tones were sleep drunk, mumbled against the back of her neck as he curled into her.

“Your children are keeping me awake.” Rey snorted.

“Mmm…. sounds right.” A sleepy laugh, Ben nuzzled affectionately into Rey’s hair before yawning. He ought to be more sympathetic but it was genuinely both entertaining and endearing to him. The twins weren’t wasting time in being troublesome. “Want anything?”

“No, I’m fine.” Rey paused for a moment before speaking again, “I talked to your Mother a lot today.”

“Mmhmm.” Entirely not understanding why this warranted brain cells at what felt an impossible hour, but his brain was slowly powering up. “She said you figured out what we’re doing for the ceremony.”

“She told me I can call her Mother. I told her I’m a Palpatine, she said she always knew.”

Ben groaned slowly, closing his eyes again. Of course his Mother knew. Leia Organa seemed to know every secret in the galaxy and she would only tell you what she thought you needed to know, when she needed you to know it. But the lecture, however deserved, probably wouldn’t help at the moment. 

“Mmmm. She’d like it if you did. You know she loves you, don’t you?”

The silence that greeted him was heavy and Ben sighed heavily. Of course Rey didn’t. She struggled at times to see her own value, not that he had been the best at helping with that in the past. And Mother wasn’t always the warmest, not overtly in plain words.

“She’s always been kind to me, Ben but that isn’t the same thing.”

“My Mother isn’t nearly as nice as you think she is.” Ben snorted, pushing himself up to lean on one arm. “Mother gave you the Falcon, she took a personal interest in training you, she’s displayed an interest in your well-being and now she’s offering for you to call her Mother. Besides, you can tell how much she cares by how much she hides things from you.”

The adorable wrinkling of her nose was worth the indignation when Ben failed at keeping his opinions entirely to himself. Wrapping his arms around her, just to make sure that he didn’t suffer an elbow into his ribs.

“How do you feel about it, me calling her Mother?” To say that Ben’s relationship with his family was complicated was putting it mildly. The last thing Rey wanted was to make things worse by accident. 

“If you’re comfortable with it, I don’t see any issues.” His brows knit slowly, wrinkling above his nose, as Ben tried to figure out what it was that she actually needed to hear. Giving her a gentle squeeze, he tried again. “You are family now, Rey. We’ll figure out everything else as we go, but you’re just as much family as the twins are.”

He could feel the easing of her body, his intended snuggling backwards till she was as deep in his arms as Rey could get. Ben sighed in relief. He must have gotten it at least a little right.

Rey still couldn’t sleep, but this time, as she laid there - listening to Ben’s gentle snoring - there was a happy smile in the darkness. This was her home, her family, Ben’s arms and Leia’s meddling, with Chewie’s temper seasoning it all.

Full story with detailed tags on A03