mayjae-29 - Tumblr blog

[mayjae-29]

Beauty and the beast

[mayjae-29]

imma say it. “kung fu panda” did more for body positivity and saying that  you can be fat and still be healthy and liked than ANYTHING any beauty companies trying to get your money.

[mayjae-29]

Not at how this fucking day will go down in history. The generation we are today, absolute power.

The great Area 51 raid.

Thank you Karens, Kyles, Furries, The gays, kpop fans, Weebs, Crackheads and Florida Man, for your services.

[mayjae-29]

uhhhhhhhhh i just figured out that “ofc” is “of fucking course” but this whole time i’ve been reading it “ofcourse” ………… anyway if u need a dumbass just hmu

[mayjae-29]

me @ tumblr

[mayjae-29]

cashier: I’m sorry it’s going to be a 5 minute wait for your food

old people: let me speak to your manager. This never would have happened in my day. And yet you all want the minimum wage raised. I’m going to kill you.

cashier: I’m sorry it’s going to be a 5 minute wait for your food

millennials: okay, my apologies. I apologize for the inconvenience. I’m sorry I’m here.

[mayjae-29]

By the way, just in case this helps someone -

COOKING - creativity is okay

BAKING - stick to the recipe (you can usually adjust sugar content to taste, though)

BREAD - wait for the right weather conditions (or engineer them), be one assertive and self-confident motherfucker because dough can feel it if you aren’t, a blood sacrifice probably helps, trust the gods 

[mayjae-29]

a quick step by step guide on what to do if you come back to your apartment and find yourself locked out because your front door is frozen shut

kick the bottom of the door for 10 minutes

text your landlord

remember your landlord is on vacation and also in her mid 50′s so it takes about 36 hours to receive a response

briefly wonder why the fuck you moved the canada

remember that college tuition is significantly cheaper here than in the united states 

look up and notice your cat is at the window, staring at you. he paws at the window lightly and meows. it’s devastating. his eyes are so big and imploring. decide that you have to get inside your apartment at all costs. not even god himself can stop you from feeding your cat his chicken wet food dinner. frida kahlo herself could descend from the heavens and ask “hey you wanna bang?” and you’d say “hell yeah but first let me open this door so i can feed my cat his dinner”

remember there is a starbucks 3 blocks down the street from you

enter. the barista gives you a weird look for entering a starbucks at 7pm on a tuesday

order a venti cup of hot water. you order in french because the barista just said “bonjour” instead of “bonjour, hi.” you have a strong american accent. you hit the r in merci a little too hard to compensate. you embarrass yourself.

exit the starbucks clutching the massive cup of hot water in your hands. it’s burning your fingers.

return. methodically pour the starbucks cup of water all over the the door frame. it begins moving a little but still wont open

back up

ensure your doc martens are properly gripping the sheet of ice covering the ground. many people have told you to stop wearing doc martens in the winter, despite your protests that theyre actually the ideal winter boot. also, you’re a lesbian and punk’s not dead

release a pterodactyl screech and sprint towards the door, slamming the full force of your pathetically tiny 5′2″ 110lb body into it

you dont know any of your neighbors so you dont care about maintaining your pride anyways

the door swings open

run up the stairs

open the actual door to your apartment and yell MOMMY’S HOME MY LITTLE BITCHASS BABY BOY DONT WORRY at your cat

cat flings his body to the ground and starts purring like he does every time you come home

write tumblr post

[mayjae-29]

Roman: People who say ‘no pun intended’ are cowards!

Patton [joining in]: Intend your puns, weakling!

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For someone who’s whole thing is lying Deceits never been very good at the whole impersonation thing.

This took me so long I hope you like it. It was partially inspired by the start of SvS but clearly isn’t accurate to that. So instead enjoy Patton calling Deceit out.

[mayjae-29]

foreshadowing remus (?):  “if you allow your thinking to be influenced too much by negative emotions, then it will lead to cognitive distortions.” 

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Logan: Please don’t make fun of me when I misuse dated cultural references, okay? Are we cowabunga on this?

Virgil, sighing: Yeah, we’re cowabunga on this.

[mayjae-29]

[mayjae-29]

Everyone: we want more LGBT+ characters in our stories !

Rick Riordan: okay here have a gay Italian sad boy

Everyone: I mean, it’s all right but-…

Rick Riordan: I understand. Want a bisexual main character, who happens to be a god?

Everyone: oh that’s actually nice…but! How about girls-

Rick Riordan: you’re totally right. Here have a pair of lesbian hunters

Everyone: …um this is actually pretty nice…how about-

Rick Riordan: a pansexual main character?

Everyone: yea-

Rick Riordan: with a gender fluid love interest? Say no more! Anything else?

Everyone:

[mayjae-29]

miles “who’s morales” morales’s biggest weakness is the cover story

[mayjae-29]

i thought of this while zoning out during apush the other day and suddenly i remembered it and couldn't rest until i made it

[mayjae-29]

how did jk manage to write ootp and not come to the conclusion that the only career w any true meaning for harry james potter was as a goddamn professor at hogwarts like how do u write the da scenes and say “nah he’d want to be a wizard cop”