mckayarchibald

[mckayarchibald]

I'm Back

Hi, I’m McKay. In the recent past I worked as a software developer at a startup. In the time since that job I’ve written very few lines of code and, if I am being honest, what I have written has been lackluster at best. After some time away I feel drawn back in. I’m like Michael Jordan returning to basketball after his first “retirement”, except that I am not the greatest to ever do it and I didn’t make the choice to walk away so much as I was laid off. When Jordan announced he was coming back to play basketball again he sent a fax, it was 1995 after all, to the press that said two words: “I’m Back”.

I learned to write code because of a genuine fascination with what it can be used to create. I left the last company I worked for bitter about the business that surrounds it. Growing up I was always creating: using a video camera to film movies, taking pictures to create stop motion animation, drawing animated shorts frame by frame, tinkering in a basic engine to create video games, selecting instruments in an editor trying to create music. Each one of these projects had a common element: opening a piece of software; a tool created with code to help craft a vision. It didn’t take long before I learned to code and saw the possibilities that this opened up. Versatile in it’s use, code serves as a building block for creative vision.

Somewhere along the way, I lost the plot. I entered adulthood and found there was less time for aimless creative pursuits — it turns out you need to make money to survive. Writing code became the skill that I used to make that money and as I did, I slowly drifted further and further from the creative elements that drew me to it in the first place. The amount of money I made became the focus as I jumped into whatever job would pay me the most. Instead of finding fertile soil in which I could nurture personal growth, I forced myself into whatever box my current employer wanted me to fit in. If the checks cashed, personal fulfillment be damned.

I am no proponent of the idea “follow your passion and you’ll never work a day in your life”. The nature of work is that there will be a grind that comes with an attached misery, but there is something to be said about being able to connect with the work that you do.

Concurrent to the advancement I made, a worldwide pandemic kicked me out of the office and into my apartment and where the work I did became more and more isolated. A series of events led to a personal crisis and the weakened tether that connected me to the skill that was the source of my income broke. I stopped caring and lost interest. The realities of business in the American economic system during an uncertain time caught up with me and I was let go from the position I had chased after. The lure of cash lost it’s strength and I could no longer keep up.

During this involuntary sabbatical, I have rediscovered a creative drive and have found some balance. Aimless creative pursuits have begun to reemerge fueled by a curiosity that laid dormant for so long. I feel excitement as I enter a new phase. Where it will take me is unclear, but I look forward to finding out.

[mckayarchibald]