meandmygoldenass-blog - Tumblr blog

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For the love of Zeus...

For the 1 billionth time ...I DONT KNOW SHREK !

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Whoops, that ass has a mouth on it ! Hee-haw b*tch ! 🤐🤫🤭

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“Curiousity killed the cat”

-anon

No it didn’t, it just turned me into an ass.

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Phampile: *turns into a bird*

Lucius: *heart eyes* yassssss queen

0.5 seconds later...

Lucius: * rubs ointment* shi..Hee-Haw

Phampile: *face palms* Milo ! Where da roses at ?

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Modern day AU

* at a birthday party*

Psyche: look Lucius it’s you !

Lucius: *stares at piñata*

Psyche: what are they doing with that stick? * stares in bewilderment*

Children : *whack* *whack* *whack*

Lucius: *jaw drops*

THE DARK TRUTH BEHIND YOUR BELOVED BIRTHDAY PARTY ACTIVITY REVEALED...

If you were ever wondering why piñatas were originally made to look like donkeys, look no further. Throughout the beginning of my miserable life an a donkey. I was beaten repeated, tossed from place to place and then beaten some more. I find it offensive and preposterous that they would turn my abuse and misery into a childhood activity filled with laughter and enjoyment !

Fun fact: if you whack me I don’t cough out candy !

There you have it ! Starting awareness week with a bang !

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Fotis: damn, you’re a slut.

Donkey/Lucius: excuse me ?

Fotis: yeah, coz that ass has been around.

Donkey: ...*sighs*

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5 Beaches in Greece you don’t want to miss !

Keen for a nap? Love the beach ? Here are 5 beach spots in Greece you absolutely can’t miss a nap on ! Tested and approved by yours truly!

1. Elafonisi

2. Platys Gialos

3. Plaka

4. Faraga

5. Perissa

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Throwback Thursday !

Throwback to the time I was doused in garlic and marinade for dinner ! Woooo fun times ! I’m sure everyone dreams of galloping like the wind, tail between their legs as a mad man chases them around the kitchen with a knife !

Oh..just me ? Shit.

Happy throwback Thursday ya’ll, keen to see what other “almost murders” are out there x

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Donkey: pass the parcel is fun, until you become the parcel.

I feel like I was offloaded or stolen more times then the average ass ! What is up with the world today? Are we all a bunch of kleptomaniacs ? Get it together.

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How to spruce up your cave !

12 modern ways you can turn your dreary, musty cave into a Donkeys’ heaven !

Stay tuned ! Article drops tmrw ! 🙀🙀🙀

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Heads up!

Coming soon, 10 ways to keep an angry gardener off your tail !!

A quick preview ...

1. Don’t eat his roses.

Oh...did I say 10 ? It’s just the one. Don’t eat the bloody roses ☠️

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Donkey: a rose a day, did not keep the thieves away...*big sighs*

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It’s that time again ! Don’t forget to mail me any puns or jokes that will have you laughing so hard you’ll fall flat on your ass!

Joke of the day :

Q. what did the donkey do when he got cut-off?

A. “Hee-haw”nked

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The truth is out! What really happened, Who’s to blame and And the shocking tale ! ... an exclusive with yours truly on the ins and outs of the events that led to my new found body.

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Don’t forget to catch this weeks newsletter where I unearth the truth behind roses, ointment and in an all new exclusive with a witch herself reveal how you can transform your body this summer too !

[meandmygoldenass-blog]

“Life is a combination of honey and bile”

- Apuleius

And don’t I know it, have you ever seen a donkey allowed in a public bath or in a market place for any reason but to be sold ? Honestly it’s ridiculous the amount of times these mongers have tried to sell me ! And they call me the ass !

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Just in, how a 45 year old “man” found himself amidst a cult and how it changed him for the better.

Check this out ! My article just dropped !