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[mearihellalicious]

It’s 4 o’ clock in the morning in the most humid city I have ever lived in. I was suddenly awakened by a random noise outside my apartment. As a light sleeper, dozing off again is a hard thing to do. So,what would a solitary woman do at this time of the day? Reminisce. Think of the good old days.

Out of the blue, I stumbled upon my chat box. Heaps of ‘ancient’ talks strolled me down through memory lane. One particular conversation with a guy urged me to write this expressive piece.Perhaps this confession is no longer valuable now since it has been several ages ago, but the thought of penning down a revelation thrills me at this exact moment.

They say the best memories in a person’s life happen in high school — when we are too old for playgrounds but too young for night clubs. I can’t say it’s true for me, but I do have happy high school thoughts. We've been classmates for four straight years in high school. Back then, we were paired up through the matchmaking prowess of our classmates. They assumed we looked good together, that we had ‘physical chemistry’, if that’s even a valid phrase to describe it.

True enough, you were quite a good-looking guy but I was not attracted to you in the slightest bit. Nevertheless, you were the kind of guy who knew how to carry yourself in the most desirable way possible. You were always neat and sweet-scented. You could pull off a white shirt and jeans outfit and would simply look gorgeous.

All throughout my mundane high school life, you consistently made me feel ‘special’ but I hardly cared at some point. The way I treated you was on a mood to mood basis. At times, I rode along with your trips, no matter how strange; other times, I felt irritated with your insistent presence. Sometimes, we seemed to be getting along pretty well; most times, I argued with you and ignored you for no acceptable reason at all.

During summertime, we communicated through text messages or landline calls. I could recall how bipolar I was by asking you to move on from me and promised to remain friends once classes start in June. But the next day, we would cry over the phone, asking each other to hold on to whatever we have — although I didn’t know what was the most appropriate term to label that kind of relationship. We seemed to be more than friends but less than lovers.

As each year passed, we became closer to each other. I was aware of how you felt about me. Everyone else in the class knew it too since you were vocal about it. Yet I didn’t take your emotional state seriously. I would talk to you only when I felt chatty or when I needed something. Every time it rained, you would take your polo shirt off to cover me so I didn’t get wet. Whenever I was hungry, you fed me. Goodness, you were a selfless man!

But then again, I took you for granted because I was eyeing on someone else. I had a lot of silly crushes, not to mention, I went crazy over them. You made me know how jealous you were of the guys I fancied but it was no big deal for me. You quickly became just an option. Despite myself, you stayed still.

Then one day, I was walking alone around the campus, a group of freshmen were calling my name. One of them introduced herself to me. She told me she was your sister. I didn’t realize until then that she was attending the same school.“You’re Ellen, right? My brother really likes you and even keeps your photo under his pillow,” she exposed. From that day on, we somehow became friends. She teased me an awful lot as she revealed all the weird things you did and just how much you adored me.

Every Valentine’s Day, you never ran out of romantic ideas. Although I was single, I never felt out of place. When I arrived in school, a small bouquet of flowers was already waiting for me onmy desk with a note or chocolates with it. You even baked cake for me when I requested it from you. However, on our last ‘Hearts Day’ in high school, things were different. Something happened two days before V-Day.

As an active girl scout, I normally spent my vacant time in that room exclusive for us. When we entered the room, my friend saw an envelope on the floor addressed to me and was signed as ‘secret admirer’. I didn’t believe it until I saw the letter and read it. It was about the sender’s love for me and the hope that I felt the same way. I was clueless who it was from but our classmates pointed their fingers at you. You stubbornly denied the claim saying, “It’s not me. Don’t flatter yourself!”

The next day, I found another letter from ‘secret admirer’. It was an acrostic poem of my name. The words were so deep and heartwarming that I could feel myself melt. Finally, on the 14th of February, another letter came. It was very simple — a whole sheet of bond paper filled with ‘I love you’. I thought there was nothing to it until I noticed there were some capital letters in them, which my best friend and I figured the message, “Please meet me today at the YES-O (Office) at 6 PM. I will be waiting for you. Please don't bring anyone. I want you to be solo. Don’t worry, I only want to introduce myself.”

I was sold to the belief that someone was playing a prank on me so I didn’t plan on meeting the sender.It was raining hard that day and we were having our daily girl scout formation at the oval field. Suddenly, you arrived and called out my name. I excused myself from the drill to meet you when you said, “Someone’s waiting for you at the office, why didn't you go?” “For real? I don’t care whoever he is,” I replied. Then with downcast eyes, you answered, “Honestly, it was me.” At that point, you handed flowers to me and I teasingly punched you in the arm. It felt so awkward that I rudely sent you home. That was our final romantic encounter.Before we graduated, we made a pact that if wewere both single by year 2019 (I’m not even sure of that anymore), we’d meet each other again at the Taoist Temple and we’d start things right.

Several months later, I got into a relationship. We didn’t see each other for quite some time and the communication spiraled from little to none at all.Surprisingly, on my first birthday after high school (since my birthday falls during summer), I was at home when a kid approached me and handed a letter with a rose and said, “Someone asked me to give it to you.”

As I learned it was from you, I ran hurriedly outside the house, hoping to see you again, but you were already gone. I was so moved knowing you still cared for me even when I was already dating someone. You went through all the trouble just to greet me. A few days later, I argued with you for what you did, for simply disappearing. As an apology, you paid me a visit and we chitchat over the pizza that you brought.

During college, we had separate lives. The last conversation we had in 2012 was about our plan of going abroad together, particularly Germany. You wanted me to meet your grandmother and you even said you would still marry me. Perhaps it was meant to be a joke, but I probably believed it at that time.

All of a sudden, you met your first girlfriend. I came out from two terrible relationships while you were in a blissful state with her. I saw all her posts of your little surprises for her, your sweet gestures. I knew the feeling too well and I understood how lucky she was. I felt nothing but pure happiness — that you finally found someone who could love you the way you were supposed to be loved.

Unexpectedly, I noticed that I could no longer see any of your updates in Facebook. I searched for your name and I realized I was already blocked. You unfollowed me on Instagram and you removed me as your Twitter follower. Complete loss of contact.

The last thing I heard was your relationship with her was going strong and you were intensely in love with each other. I used to envy her but I realized that no, I don’t wish to be her. I don’t deserve a man as great as you are. I might not be able to handle you. I only wish you all the happiness in this world.You may not be my TOTGA but you were my sweetest ‘what if’. I hope when you get married, you would at least invite me so I get the chance to witness the happiest day of your life. Yes, there was never an ‘us’ but there was you — someone who once in my life treated me right — because once upon a time, you were my fairytale.

PS. to whoever know him, please don't mention his name:)

[mearihellalicious]

[mearihellalicious]

😅😅

[mearihellalicious]

now its my fauit? Hahahahahaa

Babeeee!!

Ug nganong karun pa nako nabasa imong msg. Haha

[mearihellalicious]

this ❤️👌🏻

I guess its time to leave the past behind me, to let go of the pain and hatred and most esp to embrace the bright future ahead of me.

It’s been more than a year now since I broke with my first boyfriend. But it’s only been more than 3 months since I gave up hoping for our second chance. And now after everything, i am finally learning to forget all the bad memories we had.

Last June he made an extreme U-TURN. He tried to convince me that he wants me back and there was a time that i thought, why not? But my intuition said “enough is enough”. So i just let him be. For i know someday he’ll get over it which is now happening.

I have a strong feeling he didn’t meant it when he said he will do anything to have me back and that he knew he was a fool to let me go. I may not know why he had to do that but i am still at peace to the fact that there’s a reason for everything. 

If am right and that he was just trying to fool me again, at least he only made a fool out of himself. And if i was wrong and that after all he really meant everything he said yet i didn’t give him the chance, maybe because it just not meant to be.

As the famous saying goes, “If it’s meant to be it will be but if it’s not meant to be no matter how hard you try will never be.“

[mearihellalicious]

My coping mechanism :)

[mearihellalicious]

[mearihellalicious]

After those bunch of tears, i'm at the verge of believing that I am beautiful. One step at a time baby! ❤️

[mearihellalicious]

After that bunch of tears, i'm on the verge of believing I am beautiful ❤️

[mearihellalicious]

Skype ❤️ need i say more?

[mearihellalicious]

My Favorite enemy:) Seems i can't stop you from growing older, just know i'm here to guide you all throug out life. Loving Always, Your Awesome Sister! 🐷💟

[mearihellalicious]

there's that one side of me that always tries to come out but i've chosen to keep inside, still.

[mearihellalicious]

and i'm still really tryin' to figure out what's in you.

[mearihellalicious]

my own dose of medicine :)

I don't like there tastes. I hate how they smell, but ironically I love to drink them :) Ironic as it may sound but one will only understand, one's they saw the person I become when I'm drunk.

I feel so true. True about how I truly perceived things in my life. Its my dose of whatever life has given me. Thanks to them, atleast whatever life may give me, they are there for me, if nobody else will.

ALCOHOL <3

[mearihellalicious]

hello mr. :* i find myself so lost without you.

[mearihellalicious]

undefined

Obviously.

[mearihellalicious]

when he sees it, he'll hate me. G <3