meemalee

[meemalee]

"I like this"

One of the things I noticed about The Bear is that every first episode has a SydCarmy moment that defines the rest of the season. It is always a moment where it is just the two of them, and what happens usually has a major effect on how the season turns out. First season it was the meeting between Carmy and Sydney, and it was her being hired on at The Beef that finally got the restaurant moving in a direction of professionalism. In the second season, it was Carmy’s failed attempt at asking Sydney out in the first episode, and that failure lit a fire in him that helped kickstart a speedy reconstruction of their new restaurant. Third season, it was Sydney and Carmy together after he got out of the freezer, and it was her disapproval of Carmy contacting Claire and trying to make up with Richie, that ended up building up his guilt towards Claire, which added on to so many of his other traumas that he was refusing to deal with.

This time around, the defining SydCarmy moment of season 4 epi. 1 was a very poorly timed confession. In the start of their conversation, Carmy apologizes for not being good enough, which Sydney disagrees is the source of the problem. Here, she speaks frankly. It’s the chaos that the article speaks of, and she tells Carmy how she does not like it either. Who is the main source of the chaos- Carmy. Carmy is hearing a double meaning. You don’t like Chaos and I’M the chaos…so you don’t like me? He tries to get confirmation. Does she really associate me with chaos, which she just admitted to not liking? He then asks her if she thinks he likes chaos. She pretty much confirms his fears when she tells him how he could be so good if he didn’t have this need for mess. He is the chaos, the thing she openly states that she doesn’t like. And that hurts him. Badly. He tells her:

“Congrats. That knocked the wind right out of me.”

Sydney is confirming his worst fears. That she doesn’t feel the same way about him. And that hit him right in his soul. Sydney, at that moment, doesn’t understand the enormity of what this moment is feeling like for him, and she continues on with the conversation about his love of chaos:

“You don’t need it.”

And Carmy really replies with “Air?” because the dude is truly stunned at this moment.

As the conversation continues, Carmy tries again to defend himself about how he doesn’t like dysfunction. He is trying to convince her that that is not him, do not associate me with something you don’t like. When Sydney asks what does he likes, he takes it upon himself to push further, further than he ever gone before with her because he truly thinks that she is confessing her dislike of him. He tells her “I like this”, what they have, being together at this moment. He likes HER. But Sydney scoffs at it and criticizes his delivery…and Carmy took that as confirmation of his worst fears. He ducks his head and tells her “That hurt”, and after she walks off, he stares longingly at her, eyes slowly watering.

Carmy spends this season believing that Sydney rejected him, and when you really think about it, she kind of did. Just by the way she looked at him when he tells her “I like this”, I do believe she understood that he was referring to what they have, but she was not in the mood to consider any of that because Carmy has been dismissing her for too long for her to give anything other than a negative reaction. She doesn’t want Carmy as he is now, someone so miserable to be around, and she tells him so. She can't take him seriously. Say it without all that misery attached to it. Unfortunately, Carmy takes this as a complete rejection, and this changes so many things for him.

Carmy has an incredibly complex relationship with food. In his desire to impress his brother, he goes to school for cooking and discovers that he is really good at it. So good that for the first time in his life, he is being recognized and openly praised for his skills, and he took much pleasure in being the best and besting his competition. It was his way of proving to his brother that he is good enough to work at his restaurant, because that is truly what is this was all about. Carmy love of cooking is not only tied to his ego, but also who he shares it with. He became the best cook in the world so that he could be worthy enough to cook alongside his brother. After his brother died, Carmy took it upon himself to continue on at The Beef and make it successful, but Carmy had so many shortcomings while also still dealing with his brother’s death, that his attempt wasn’t going well at all…until Sydney showed up. It was Sydney who turned The Beef around, but she also transformed Carmy. She showed herself to be the perfect partner. Incredibly knowledgeable about cooking, so much so she could finish his sentences. She was very business savvy and a great leader, he knew he could depend on her to lead it, especially when the pain of reality got too much for him. She took the spot of the person he loves to cook with, and that inspired Carmy to dream for more and fight for his old dream- the dream to build up his own restaurant, and he does. And all of this is because of Sydney. She became his muse.

Working with her made him love working at the restaurant, he even admits to Claire that Sundays are his least favorite days. The days he doesn’t get to see her. Sydney fueled his creativity. Not only would he design dishes based on what she was wearing, but he also took out his drawing tools just to draw out the imaginary dishes for her and impressed her with it. What she desired, he worked hard to get it for her. Much of his motivation throughout these three seasons was trying to be the best for her. Now, in season 4, Carmy is confronted with the possibility that she might not feel the same way. That she might even dislike him a little and in his mind, and this changes everything. Carmy saw how unhappy she was while he was trying to get her a star. He definitely noticed how she never signed the partnership agreement. Dude probably started to think that maybe he got ahead of himself. Maybe she does not want to be with him as he does with her, and there was even a possibility that she plans on leaving him eventually.  Carmy probably correctly predicted that the thing Sydney wanted to tell him was that she was leaving. The argument at the beginning of season 4, probably confirmed his worst fears. She didn’t sign the agreement because she was never going to be a permanent member. She was one day going to leave him like she did in the first season, and probably sooner than he would like. So he starts preparing.

This leads to some serious soul searching for Carmy. Carmy was truthful with Sydney when he told her how he didn’t want to do this without her. If he could not make her happy then she will eventually leave, and if that happens, then being the owner of The Bear was not something he wanted to do. The Bear was a restaurant he originally created that he and his brother would own. It then became the restaurant that he wanted him and Sydney to own. It was never something he wanted to go in by himself, and none of the people that currently work at The Bear, not his sister, not Richie, not any of the Faks, were what he wanted in a partner. Sydney was it and if Sydney was not going to be part of it, then that was that. His motivation left him this season. He wanted The Bear to succeed for the people who worked there, but he did not want to be a part of it. Cooking, by itself, never gave him much enjoyment. The love of cooking was sharing that love with a special someone, and that special someone, in his eyes, does not feel the same way. 

In episode 1, Richie new hires implement an effective system that is bringing life back into The Bear. Despite that, in episode 2, Carmy is incredibly depressed. He starts thinking of his mistakes and trying to make things right, and for the first time, considering leaving the place he worked so hard to build. So he starts backing off and allowing Sydney to take more control. He starts seeing her talent as not a competition( he is still a competitive person after all) but as a sign that he isn’t needed. He seeks to apologize to Claire, something he probably would have done a long time ago, but didn’t do because he was respecting Sydney’s wishes. He starts listening to his crew and giving them what they needed to succeed.  He starts to explore his other interests and is fully focused on finding himself outside of the restaurant. He created an updated agreement, removing himself completely from the equation because at this point, he figures that since he is the wrong thing in The Bear, the chaos that Sydney doesn’t like, removing himself is best for everyone. 

And his fears get confirmed when Shapiro calls him while Sydney is at the hospital. This time around though, Carmy is prepared to lose Sydney. He isn’t going to freak out like season 2 and 3 Carmy definitely would have. He accepts that she doesn’t feel the same way and plans accordingly. He seeks out Claire as he eases on to a possible future without Sydney. This is happening all the while, Sydney has no idea that Carmy has given up on them as a partnership.

And when she finds out, it crushes her. Something interesting to note is that Carmy finds Sydney outside, and when he asks her about what’s going on, she replies how she “is getting some air.” Carmy leaving her has left her similarly breathless, the same way Carmy felt when he believed she turned him down. It is a great way to show that the strong feelings between the two are mutual. She does want him as much as he wants her, but she keeps him at a distance so well that it has fooled Carmy into thinking that she doesn’t.

And in their big confrontation, Carmy is confused as hell. Why are you upset at me leaving when I am chaos to you, something you didn’t like? Why are you upset when you were going to leave me anyways, now you have a restaurant of your own? And Carmy tries to explain to Sydney what he feels about cooking. He tells her that hasn’t been enjoying it lately. He doesn’t have anything to draw from anymore. There is a Sydney sized hole that he feels he no longer has, so that enjoyment is gone. It’s gone because he believes Sydney is leaving for Shapiro, so it’s best if he leaves and let her keep the restaurant because the love of it will leave with her anyways. And through the argument, with Syd not getting it, he lays it on her and explains why her owning the restaurant is for the best, why this is a great opportunity, and why he wont leave her in this mess and will make sure the business is okay. And Sydney, damn Sydney. She pulls every excuse out in the book why she isn’t happy with him leaving to avoid the main reason. She made it out as if him leaving her a failed business is why she is so upset, but after he promises that he will make sure it doesn’t fail, she couldn’t use that excuse anymore. As he cites the reasons why this is a great opportunity for her, there is no happiness there for her, because none of that matters. She loves the crew, she enjoys the business, but the one and only reason she chose to stay and sink with the ship was purely because she wanted to stay with Carmy. And sadly, it’s at the end of their confrontation when Sydney finally gets to the real reason why she is upset. She doesn’t want to lose him. And we get cut off once Sydney finally admits the real reason why she hates seeing him leave, and we miss how Carmy reacts to it too, but the way he stares at her as she is crying after Richie interrupts, he might be putting two and two together.

Can’t wait for the next season.

[meemalee]

there's no way carmy went into that alley expecting a fight that would result in richie replacing him in sydney's life. like, that blew up in 30 minutes. he regretted his decision the moment she said she needed richie lmao

[meemalee]

From what I remember, Sydney never takes pictures of Carmy's food, except the hamachi dish.

Something about Sydney taking a picture of the dish inspired by her dress... as they discuss Donna's need for a photo book.

[meemalee]

Saw someone say this was like when Andrew Garfield appeared in No Way Home and hard agree

THE BEAR 4.05 – Replicants

[meemalee]

Realized something. They haven't given us a parallel of this scene yet.

So what if they do this but through Sydney's perspective with Carmy coming back to the restaurant?

[meemalee]

I believe in you more than I've ever believed in myself.

[meemalee]

4.07 // 4.10

[meemalee]

carmy being inspired by sydney's dress (x)

[meemalee]

#socializing with white people

THE BEAR 4.04

[meemalee]

[meemalee]

side by side like this is sending me into a tailspin

[meemalee]

THE BEAR 4.04

[meemalee]

the bear fic writers we need you more now than ever

[meemalee]

ok so…

[meemalee]

Was just reading an article about this documentary (‘Love, Charlie’) by Mark Caro, one of the contributors, and this description of Trotter stopped me in my tracks:

Some interesting bits here that the Bear writers may have pulled from, based on acclaimed celebrity chef Charlie Trotter and his wife, Rochelle. 👀

Charlie Trotter / Carmy parallels

From Chicago, left to work at some of the best restaurants in the world as a young man, and returned to Chicago to open a restaurant using money borrowed from his family.

His main restaurant, Trotters, had a side deli, "Trotter's To Go" that served quick, cheap food during the day.

Was dyslexic so drew his recipes instead.

The first chef in the industry to change menus daily, even hourly, and never repeated ingredients

Known as a meticulous tyrant and intense perfectionist in the kitchen

Mom's name is Donna-Lee (Donna + Lee?)

Gave Grant Achatz from Alinea his start and later became Trotter's rival for stars (Achatz is seen in S3 talking to Luca at the Ever dinner).

Rochelle Smith Trotter / Syd parallels

Classically trained chef, earned a culinary degree.

Started her own culinary consulting business.

Mother died when she was 11 and was raised by her father in Chicago.

Met and fell in love with "her soulmate" Charlie on her culinary journey.

[meemalee]

Carmen Berzatto on any given day

[meemalee]

On twitter I’m seeing dozens of threads from Black activists warning people against burnout, giving all sorts of useful tips about preventing and managing it for the sake of a long-term, sustainable effort.

On tumblr I’m seeing a hell of a lot of young white kids yelling at anyone who actually follows those steps, and acting like burnout is a moral falling rather than a well-proven psychological phenomenon.

Be careful who you get your information from. Don’t let guilt lead you to make choices that will harm both you and the movement.