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megaicemage · 3 years ago

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Signs Of An Abusive Submissive.

1. Manipulation.

“But if you loved me you’d….” “You love me unconditionally don’t you?” “If you cared about me you’d…” “Dominants are supposed to…” “I’m a little submissive, you control me, so it’s all your fault.” “You hate me don’t you? That’s why you won’t do…” “You are such a dick, why can’t you just do something nice for me, for once.“

This is often done by “subs” who are out to use their Dominant for something, often to fulfill their kinky fantasies, and also often to get spoiled. The above phrases are often used to coerce the Dominant into buying them stuff, or participating in sexual play the Dominant is not comfortable with. Please remember you do not have to do anything you are not comfortable with, I don’t care how much tumblr says you have to eat her out or fuck her on her period, or lick his asshole, or buy her those new plushies and shoes every week, if you are honestly not comfortable with this, don’t let yourself get manipulated and talked into doing it.

2. Verbal/Emotional Abuse.

Putting their Dominants down, telling them how worthless/ugly/stupid/dumb/terrible they are, calling them names, and when you get upset you’re told that “it was just a joke.” “Don’t be so sensitive” “You’re overreacting.” “Aren’t you supposed to be the Dominant here?” “You control me so I can’t possibly do something to you you wouldn’t like.” Etc. This often goes hand in hand with manipulation and gas lighting to make the Dominant put up with this kind of abuse.

3. Physical Abuse.

Even if she’s a she, even if they’re 100 pounds and 10 feet smaller than you, if they even do as much as raise a hand at you or threaten to, you are being abused. Hell, even if it didn’t hurt, they are not supposed to hit you. At all. (obviously some couples like to play around a get a little rough and -both people enjoy it-, but I’m sure you all can tell the difference.) Again, if you say that this make you uncomfortable, they will often say things like examples already given. “I thought you were a big strong (wo)man.)” “c'mon, you should be able to take that, baby.” etc.

4. Denying you aftercare.

A lot of Dominants need aftercare too, and many don’t realize it, because for a lot of Dominants taking care of their submissive is their aftercare, but when for some reason this is impossible, Domdrop happens, and it can happen hard. Aftercare is not just for the sub, and if they don’t want aftercare but you know you do, and even after explaining will flat out refuse, it means they don’t care about your well being after an intense scene or session.

5. Refuses to give you any kind of love or affection or care.

“You’re the Dominant, you should be able to take care of yourself.” “I’m the one who deserves love here.” “You’re too big and strong to be taken care of.” “Why don’t you pay attention to me for once.” “Your problems aren’t that bad.“

Affection is so important in a relationship, if it’s something you need, don’t ever settle for someone who won’t give you those things.

6. Does not support you in hard times.

When say, a relative dies, you may not be able to be as consistent, you still want to be their Dom and they your sub (or maybe not, thats fine too), but you also need them to support you and care for you in tough times. If they tell you to suck it up and take care of THEM instead, they are again a selfish little bitch that only cares about themselves. Take care of yourself when you need to, and you deserve a sub who will take care of you too.

7. Talk bad about things that are perfectly normally in D/s but that doesn’t fit their abusive agenda.

“Serve you? What. No. I’m a little fragile sub, YOU’re supposed to get ME drinks.” “Beg? I’m too good for that. That’s disgusting, you’re supposed to please me whenever I want you to.” “No, that’s not how D/s works.”

(obviously this is different from a sub who is simply not interested in these things, it’s the phrasing and the reasons behind it.) They’ll always make everything about themselves, and when you bring up something that isn’t specially for them, they’ll guilt you and shame you. They’re only interested in themselves and keeping you under their thumb.

8. Deciding everything without negotiation or regard for your feelings.

They never want to negotiate or communicate, play can only be on their terms, them never letting you actually decide or have a say in anything.

Your feelings matter, don’t do anything you don’t want to do, don’t let yourself get talked into anything. Communication is everything in a D/s relationship.

9. They never obey you, they try to convince you D/s is all about the submissive.

There’s a difference between playful, agreed upon brattiness that’s fun for both parties, and using their Dom for their own selfish needs. This is often done by subs who want you to buy them stuff, care for them, spank them, etc, but they do not want to actually obey or serve you. They just want to use you and take advantage of you. Often times, disobedience is more of a sign of an ignorant or inexperienced sub than anything, but when it is paired with manipulation and other things, is when it crosses the line from ignorance to abuse.

10. You feel like you can’t trust them. They lie often.

Trust is everything in D/s, absolutely everything. If you can’t trust them, you can’t have a D/s relationship with them. If they lie a lot, even seemingly small, insignificant lies, it is a sign they do not respect you. Or they’ve cheated, or you’ve heard bad stories from their friends/co-workers, you’ve found suspicious things, etc. You deserve someone you can trust, not a liar.

11. Every single thing that would be abusive in a vanilla setting, or if you were their child, friend, or sub.

Every. Thing. All those other posts and guides and things online and everywhere that talk about signs of abuse? It all applies here. All of it. Don’t put up with what you wouldn’t put up with if it were any other kind of relationship. Cheating, slapping, name calling, lying, blackmailing.

There’s so many things that can be signs of abuse. In the end, you’re the only one who can say if you are in an abusive relationship or not, please take care of yourself. Run if you need to, run fast and hard, get a support system, if you need a stranger to talk to, my inbox is open for you. A relationship is about both people, even a D/s relationship. Both people deserve to be happy and have their needs met. Take care of yourself, you deserve love and care, and the submissive you deserve and dream of.

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megaicemage · 4 years ago

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How to fully control Your sub in 9 steps

1: You need to get into his head.

-Learn his fantasies and what turns him on. Use this information against him and to Your advantage.

-Find out what humiliates him, and to what level.

-Make him show his loyalty to You regularly. Reward him, even if it’s just with positive attention when he does.

- Aside from family, close friends and work, give him 0% privacy. Don’t hide this process from him, make him partake in handing it over to you in ways that demonstrate how he is “losing the privacy.”

-Make him need You for everything. Point out how You help him, how You guide him, and how You accept the negative things about him that others may not.

- Hypnosis, especially while they are sleeping can help transfer messages, ideas and ideals about You deep into their faggot head.

2: Punish him often for everything, no exceptions!

- Don’t let him get away with anything! When You let your sub get away with something. You are telling him that You don’t care for him and that what he did was ok.

- You can Spank, paddle, or whip him.

- Humiliate him past what is easy for him.

- Long term bondage

- Corner time

- Food restrictions

- Writing standards/lines\

- Write a book report or essay.

- Ground him/take away privileges.

- Wash his mouth out with soap.

- Make him do anything he hates.

- Get creative and make the punishment match the crime.

- Never use separation or the threat of leaving/ending Your control over him as a punishment. That is counterproductive to the end goal (trust and service) and is detrimental to the faggot.

3: Routinely discipline him. This is different than punishment.

- Spank him once a week, just because You can, not too hard, not too soft.

-Humiliate him often.

- 5-10 minuets of corner time a day can do wonders for him, like a sub’s meditation.

- If he is stressed, give him a break and put him in some comfy bondage for a while. You may or may not want to integrate impact play with this. For lots of subs, some pain can really help elevate their mode for the rest of the day or longer.

- Routine discipline will save You time and energy in the long run. You will have to punish him less as a result.

- Taking care of You can be part of his discipline. Have him do Your laundry, cleaning, etc.

4: On some level, even if it’s small, keep Your sub horny for You.

- Talk sexy to him.

-Sexualize non sexual things/activities You are interested in. He will see whatever it is You’ve sexualized as such and be more interested/eager to engage.

- Have Your sub do some or all of Your body grooming. This can be Your baths, Your nails, shaving, trimming, waxing, etc.

- Scare him by telling him when and what You’re going to do to him in the near future.

- Send him text messages with orders to do something sexual.

- Make him give You orgasms. This is different from sex. This is a service.

- Let him rest on You to smell You as You watch TV or read.

- Give him underwear/items of Yours to smell as he sleeps.

- Hypnosis, especially while Your sub sleeps can help with this too.

5: Control Your own feelings of guilt.

- Your sub needs You to be strong “with” him. You may show vulnerabilities in Yourself for other aspects of Your life. When it comes to him and Your control over him, be firm!

- Some meanness and cruelty will be needed from time to time to help break Your sub down.

- Your sub may not want everything You give him/ do to him, but he needs it.

- Letting Your sub get away with insubordinate behavior because You feel guilty adequately and severely addressing it is weak. You need to control that shit.

- Sub faggots need a real man who is close to them to guide them. Sometimes real men need to show the fag that they are inferior. This can’t always be done by talking. And if it is done my talking, the talking can’t be politically correct/kind.

- Humiliation/breaking him down, teaching him to serve long term, these are all things he needs. You are filling his needs.

- Remember, You both need to be happy. But happiness comes from different places for different people. If there is communication, and Your sub has communicated that he needs this life to be happy, then You are doing him a service and loving him by breaking him down and controlling him.

- A good sub is hard to find. Don’t let the guilt of giving him what he needs stop You from doing so. What he needs may be overwhelming for him and he may break. If he does be there for him.

6: Humiliate/degrade/break him down on some level daily, some days more than others.

- Have him wear a small butt-plug for a time, wifi enabled if possible.

- Have him be naked or close to it, around You and or Your friends.

- Make him wear a collar or other symbol of inferiority.

- Make him wear a chastity device sometimes.

- Teach them “tricks” like sit, drop to their knees to kiss Your crotch, etc. In public or with friends randomly call out a trick every now then. Make sure Your sub does this flawlessly without hesitation.

- Make him masturbate for You.

- Slap him in the face.

- Spit on him.

- Treat him as an inferior in public. (Ex: he carries all bags, opens doors, eats Your leftovers, holds Your drinks, tie Your shoes etc.)

- Make him eat his own cum sometimes.

- Talk down to him in front of others

7: Rearrange his life/time to better serve/please You. Make sure this does not interfere with his time with loved ones or work.

- If You want to change his body to Your liking, do so. Control his workouts, diet etc. Make sure and be realistic with this one.

- Make sure he is available during some of Your leisure time each week so he will be able to serve You during those times.

- Put him on a sleeping schedule. Lots of fags are not able to adequately manage their sleep times. The better rested he is, the better he will serve You.

- Go through his closet/things and throw away/put away any clothing You don’t like him to be wearing.

- Sign him up to learn new tasks or prefect tasks/skills that will help You. (Ex: massage classes, cooking classes, pet care, etc.)

- Change their grooming habits to Your liking.

8: Help Your sub be grateful for everything he has. Make sure You are at the top of that list. One great way to do this is to deny him things. Yep, it’s time to say “No.” Subs need boundaries, and saying “No” is a great way to help them with those boundaries.

- You can take away certain foods, comforts, leisure time, sex, masturbation, etc.

- Make him show his gratitude to You often. Faggots will show this to You in their own way. Most faggots will need some help/instruction on exactly how to show their gratitude to You.

- Make him explain why he deserves something. If he can’t explain why well enough. Then take it from him.

- You can take things/items from him that You know he does not need, but likes. (Make sure he can afford for You to take them and that they are not of an additional value such as sentimental etc.) Let him know from time to time that You enjoy something that You took from him.

- Offer him a reward of getting to have something back. Make what you give him back relevant to what You make him do. This could be sort or long term.

9: None of these actions will work without real trust.

- If Your sub is Your partner, let him know how much his sub-ass completes You and Your power.

- If Your sub is not Your partner, make sure You two are real friends. That You appreciate how his inferiority completes you. The more You two know about and do with each other. The more thoroughly You can control him.

-Part of trust on the subs part is trusting that You will follow through when You say You are going to do something to him or are going to make him do something. Follow through always.

- When a sub fully trusts You. He can submit to You his mind and privacy. Letting You go in and re-arrange/manage his life.

- Subs need constant reassurance. Let him know that no matter what, he is Yours. If a serious sub feels disposable. He will look for another Dom who appreciates his surrender.

- If Your life is getting too hard for a bit or You need help with something. Trust that Your sub will be able to take over for You and act in your best interest until You are back in shape. Giving sub this responsibility will either make him feel trusted and good, or upset that You are not actively controlling him 100% of the time. If he gets upset and does not step up and take over for You. Then drop him like a hot potato.

-Talk to Your sub often. Ask him how he is feeling, and let him honestly know how You are feeling on anything and everything.

- By taking things away from him, You are in a sense rewarding him when You give them back. Also, nothing he has is his forever. You need to re-take things and privileges away from him periodically so he knows they are a privilege and not a right. Think of it like taking a food bowl away from a dog. Your sub needs be docile enough that You can take his food bowl away from him as he is eating. He will not make a fuss and patiently wait until the food is returned

-Please note: Do not ever deny him from being with Friends or family. Make him realize that the only reason You allow him to have constant contact/interaction with good friends and family is because he “helps” them by being a good friend or family member. Make sure the he understands that the happiness that comes from being with them is “second” to the happiness that he brings them. Basically, he needs to understand that if he pulls away from loved ones. While he is under Your control his loved ones will suffer. That is why he is allowed (and encouraged) to keep and/or strengthen the bonds he has with them.

Please note: The following is a list of things to control a sub only. Please do not implement these ideas if You do not care about and are not committed to Your sub. This list is not all inclusive of how to treat Your sub. This list leaves out the important kind necessities that Your sub needs such as reassurance, love, respect, being protected, allowed to be protective of You etc. These ideas are for a long term 24/7 arrangements, not a scene. Not everything will apply in every case, and there may be things on the list that will work for You.

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