megshopes

[megshopes]

I feel as if there are two parts of my soul. They are ripping me apart. A constant battle. My sanity is the battle field, it has been left in shambles. The war keeps on.

Pure destruction. Broken and pleading. Hopeful and gleaming. I sit here bleeding. Our hope for a future is retreating.

E.U

Elizabeth Ugene.

[megshopes]

Fact over feelings.

Her name was stood up for. Mine wasn’t.

Eight years in solitude somehow meant nothing.

E.U

[megshopes]

Bridge

And there we were. On a bridge made of glass, shards from the cracks impaling our feet. The bridge is giving out. The clarity of our support for one another clouded. I fear we are past repair. Only defeat

E.U.

Elizabeth Ugene.

[megshopes]

Close eyes, deep breath, let it out.

Pause the thought of you, the ones that bring tears to the brink of my eyes.

Blink them away, put your memories in a dark crevices in the locked sections of my mind.

A lock smith can’t fathom to unwind the intricate fabrics of you. Woven into my veins, I still try to bleed something new.

Nothing feels the same.

The high is muffled by my brain shouting your name. Suffocating.

The ways I try to silence the you. The ways you linger. The way I start my prayers with a promise to start each day cleaner. Not drifting off into an abysmal of liquid solitude my forefathers ensured would never run dry.

Drunk… on the ideas, thoughts, memories of when you were truly mine.

Repeating them a reused soliloquy, stained on my mouth from an evening with you and me. I taste the start of my lines on this glass of wine. God, there is hope in his eyes.

Yet I know one day it will just Run dry. I’ll still be wondering when I’ll be worth more than a moment in time. I am still comparing them to a false-filed promise of a lifetime.

E.U.

Elizabeth Ugene.

[megshopes]

[megshopes]

But the heart has its own memory and I have forgotten nothing.

Albert Camus, The Fall

[megshopes]

Times like these.

[megshopes]

I will love him forever I’m afraid. Why?

Because while he was falling out of love with me. I realized. He was never supposed to be mine. No. He came into my life so I could fall in love again, in the hurt he caused, in the void he created. I sat there, in the darkness. The pain, the desperate, scared, clawing for a fleeting moment that never would come again. I sat with that little girl. I let her weep, let her scream, let her have hope. Talked through every moment of warmth that was tied to a memory of him.

I’ll love him forever because In the dark void that he made, wet from all my tears. I realized the warmth was from rays of sun. I was feeling alive again in those moments. Through time and patience. I am blooming.

I was never meant to fall in love with him, not forever at least. I am forever grateful as I am falling in love. Just with me.

E. U.

[megshopes]

Update

I’m still hot

[megshopes]

28 looks like I’d steal your wife.

[megshopes]

Sick, Jody Chan

[megshopes]

Do you ever think of me?

[megshopes]

Phases I miss you. Wind in our hair, holding on tight in the middle of the night. Climbing to new highs, physically, mentally, testing our limits. Falling each night, whispering confessions of I love you… Arguing outside of bars, saying This is enough! finally moving on. Just to fall back into arms. I miss you. Poems written out of love, wondering if it’s enough? Melodramatic music being played on the piano, another glass of wine pour, emotions left like dried tears on the floor. I miss you. Wandering a new country, tasting the culture through lips drunk on a idea of love. Cobble stone streets under our feet. Promises of tomorrow that I knew I wouldn’t keep. I miss you. Blaring music as it turns to dusk, all four of us to young to know what to come. Holding on to a memory that will forever bond us for eternity. A prequel to every story. Each new book, each new chapter in which I begin of the story of me. I can’t help but miss who she used to be.

E.U 🤍

[megshopes]

Embers Embers, the last light in a dying fire.

Remanence of what was. A blaze that desecrated all in its path. Scorn by the furry of she.

The beauty that was sacrificed to the beast. Hissing as her warmth, purpose was drowned out.

In the aftermath embers remain.

E.U 🔥

[megshopes]

God. I miss who I used to be.

The new me is worth celebrating too, she just doesn’t feel like home yet.

[megshopes]

this was always going to happen.

matthew stover, david levithan, margarita karapanou, aeschylus, karese burrows, richard siken

[megshopes]

The last full moon. Yes of course romanticized by you.