meimi-haneoka

[meimi-haneoka]

Hello Cinzia. How have you been? I was just re-reading Clear Card. And a few things stood out to me - 1. The dress that Akiho was wearing while the European Clan was turning her into the "Artefact" or attaching the Artefact within her, resembles the dress Clone Sakura (and Princess Tsubasa)'s soul wear in TRC. Not point to point, but the vibes, and weirdly it matches what Fei Wong Reed did to Clone Sakura. 2. I am still attempting to understand whether Lillie crossed across time or was there in just dreams? Because it makes no sense that if things were so urgent, and she is standing on poles and watching Sakura, then why not approach her directly? Or was that a whole dream because Sakura saw Syaoran but Lillie was interfering with the dreams? But probably I am misunderstanding. 3. And I am not understanding what was the point of Akiho being in the Octopus Clan's robes and in a daze and stalking Sakura in a daze if the ultimate point of Kaito was to place her as the twin? Like the more time goes, I think CLAMP probably planned some other storylines or at least subplots as well but then discarded them at some point.

Aubretiaaa! I'm fine, thanks! 😊 Summer vacations are over and I'm trying to resume my usual routine 😅 And you?

Oooh, a Clear Card re-read, great idea! 👍💯It's something I always encourage everyone to do, especially after letting some time pass from the serialization.

Let's delve into the questions/comments you've sent me!

OH YES, absolutely. I remember that when those chapters came out, that comment was very common in the fandom: it was just impossible for us to not notice the similarities between the two dresses (especially if you've been traumatized by TRC), and particularly the fact that both Akiho's and Sakura's bodies have been messed with, in different ways. Let alone the fact that, as the story progressed, I started to draw some parallels between Akiho/Kaito and Sakura/Syaoran's clones in TRC. It's something I usually don't like to do, as each story is unique, but the vibe sometimes was just too strong.

So, when Lilie is explaining to Sakura what happened in chapter 72, there's a panel where she specifically points out that she first tried to physically contact Sakura crossing time (and that's the attempt you see with the cloaked figure standing on the pole outside Sakura's room), but that attempt failed because "my voice couldn't reach you", as Lilie explains herself. Maybe she could correctly reach Sakura in her era, but there was a glitch in her "time travel" and that made impossible for Lilie to reach out or talk to Sakura at all. I interpreted that "my voice couldn't reach you" as a problem that arised and she couldn't do anything to fix it. Hence why she changed her strategy and tried to contact Sakura (a dream seer like her) via dreams (but as we know, even those attempts didn't really turn out how she hoped they would, as they basically made everything more confusing for Sakura). We have to consider two things: Lilie is very young here, about 13 years old, and even though is astounding that she could time-travel at that age, it's absolutely understandable that the spell wouldn't be completely successful. Despite all the power she could have, the experience and mastery of an adult magician is another thing. The same can be said for crossing dreams: although she's very powerful, there are variables and accidents that are outside of her control. So to me that part was explained sufficiently well (of course, I don't remember right now what the english translation of the simulpub missed, but this particular chapter has been fully fixed in the compiled english volume 15).

I think I know one of those specific scene you're talking about: just before Sakura saw the cloaked figure in her dream attacking her and then seeing Syaoran under the cloak for the first time, we have a scene where Akiho is in her bedroom, pulls out the robe of her clan from her closet, and tries it on: at that point, we see Akiho's eyes going "blank", seemingly losing conscience. Now, I have to point out something: Akiho never, ever stalked Sakura in the manga version. You might be mixing things up with the anime, where she indeed sleep-walks at night and even attacks Sakura in episode 22. That has never been a thing in the manga--all the times that we have seen MCF (the mysterious cloaked figure) in any capacity, it's always been Lilie trying to contact Sakura, and when it seemed like MCF was attacking her, it was always in dreams, so it might have been a misunderstanding or a byproduct of Sakura's fears. There are a few aspects that we need to keep in consideration: first, Akiho is sometimes "manipulated" by her clan from afar, so when we see her going "berserk" at school or even in that scene where she puts her robe on just to try it on (I assume in a moment of melancholy because she's seen that robe in her dreams) and her eyes go "blank", that's when she is taken over by the artifact inside her, hence giving "access" to her clan and the Magic Association. Losing control of her conscience, she becomes a puppet in their hands. NONE OF THAT IS KAITO'S DOING AND HE CANNOT PREVENT IT. Kaito actually is pretty worried whenever Akiho goes berserk because she basically is one step away from having her conscience completely destroyed by the artifact and being controlled by her clan. All of those occurences were rewound by him (and that's literally why Akiho is safe and sound at the end of the story--his time rewinds were irritating when considering the pace of the plot, but they were also what saved Akiho's life every time). He also tried to "freeze" the artifact inside Akiho at some point, placing some kind of "seal" over it, but it didn't last long. So, for this specific plot point, I think everything flows pretty well, things make sense to me.

But I actually feel the same as what you have mentioned in your last point; only with a different side of the story.

The synchronization between Sakura and Akiho. I tried to see things from all perspectives, tried to connect the dots, and I honestly couldn't find a sensible reason for introducing that kind of plot point. It doesn't make sense, story-wise. If Akiho was supposed to become Sakura's twin, there was no need to "synchronize" her with the other girl, especially considering the fact that the two girls were already pretty similar to begin with, and it's been clarified that Kaito never wanted to change Akiho in any way, in order to be Sakura's sister (she is very much still herself after the forbidden spell is activated). Moreover, it's not really clarified WHO caused the synchro to happen: Kaito seems to be aware of it happening, he comments over it, but he never says anything that suggests HE was the one to activate that spell. Same for Momo. Was it something imputable to the Squids, again? No idea. Especially cause at some point that synchronization gets pretty much forgotten and it's never explained, even in the finale. To me, it still feels like a "random" plot point that was supposed to lead somewhere else and then it just was abandoned along the way. There is another thing we have to keep in consideration: Clear Card has been entirely built over "wrong assumptions", because it was trying to prove a point. It was the assumption that Akiho was the cloaked figure in Sakura's dreams. That she would end up stealing her magic or hurt her in any way. Or the assumption that Kaito wanted to SWITCH Akiho and Sakura's lives, to give Akiho magic and everything that Sakura had. Everyone at some point have thought so, even me, because the story gave so many hints that could be interpreted in that way.

And that was the catch: it COULD be interpreted that way, but ALSO in other ways. It all depended on the reader's perception and heart--how much they trusted the new characters and thought they could be malicious.

And in order to convey that ambiguity properly, CLAMP had to trick us with many different "traps". The only "role" I can give to the synchronization between Akiho and Sakura was to trick us into thinking that Kaito wanted to switch the two girls (hence turning Akiho into another Sakura, so to speak).

I mean, the entire story of Clear Card is full of traps like that. Not only in regards to what Kaito did but also in the beginning, in relation to what Syaoran did. All those "traps" worked really well because they could make sense in both ways and I commend CLAMP for the foresight and the care in building up this part of the story. But, this process hasn't been seamless and some "traps" worked better than others; some, like the synchronization, didn't really work well for the ambiguity. I can only see it making sense for the "Akiho will replace Sakura" ambiguity, but not for what actually happened, the fact that Akiho would become Sakura's twin.

So, to summarize, I think Ohkawa-sensei thought the synchro could be a good deceiving plot point to trick us into thinking that Kaito wanted to turn Akiho into another Sakura; it's just that it wasn't throughly thought and it didn't end up connecting very well to what ACTUALLY happened in the end. Maybe she did realize so along the way, and discarded it (ignored it plot-wise) at some point.

[meimi-haneoka]

New Cardcaptor Sakura collaboration café!

New Cardcaptor Sakura collabo cafè, called "Sakura and Tomoyo's tea party", will open in Tokyo, Osaka and Nagoya on different dates from September to October 2025!!

The cafe features lots of plates and drinks, some even referencing food or drinks appearing in the anime!

This is just a preview, full list on the official website of the collabo, where you can reserve the seats from tomorrow: https://collabo.sld-inc.com/ccsakura .

Freebies include a random coaster among these (1st pic) per order, and if you spend more than 3,300 yen, a random postcard among these (2nd pic):

The cafe will also sell lots of goods, mainly featuring the new art (Sakura, Tomoyo, Kero Suppy and Momo). Full list on the website!

[meimi-haneoka]

not at how my syaosaku fic headcanons are:

Syaoran "has to practice what to say when he confesses to Sakura" Li and

Sakura "gets interrupted everytime she tries to confess to Syaoran" Kinomoto xD

Sakura's isn't even a headcanon bc its CANON and has been a running gag since The Sealed Card LOL

[meimi-haneoka]

[meimi-haneoka]

Akiho's response to Yuna's declaration

[meimi-haneoka]

in a tsubasa mood

[meimi-haneoka]

Time, Stop - chapter 5

Characters: Akiho Shinomoto, Yuna D. Kaito Rating: T Warnings: none Tags: angst & hurt/comfort, semi-argument??, dorks in love, the turning point is finally here, can't put more than this otherwise I'm gonna spoil the best part Summary: Four years later, Kaito and Akiho are back in Tomoeda for a short while, on Syaoran's request: he's finally going to learn time magic! What Akiho doesn't imagine, however, is that this visit will trigger one of the biggest turning points in her relationship with Kaito. Word count: 3.948 A/N at the end of the chapter. English is not my first language; keep that into consideration. This chapter on AO3

Excerpt:

It all lasted less than the time a butterfly would need to flutter its wings, but both of them distinctly perceived like it lasted way, way longer. As if they had triggered a spell. As if time had stopped on its own.

Everybody says it's terrifying when someone you love tells you “we need to talk”.

Whenever Kaito heard someone say that, he couldn't honestly understand what they were talking about. He used to think that “they just need to say something, that's all. What's the fussing about?”

Oh but he understood it, now. 

The shiver that went down his spine, the blood running cold in his veins. The unreadable expression Akiho had on her face. He felt and understood the whole terror of that simple phrase.

And yet, he knew he couldn't keep running away from this. Swallowing hard, he nodded and gestured towards the door facing the patio. “Sure.”

The grass scrunched quietly under their feet, as Akiho and Kaito slowly retraced the path they had walked four years before. Just like that important night, the moon was majestic in the sky, illuminating their way through the garden. It brought back a sense of nostalgia in Akiho's heart, but also made her realize how different things were now. How her awareness, her understanding of things had changed. How her relationship with Kaito had changed.

Beside her, Kaito was a quiet bundle of nerves. Waiting for her to begin talking started to feel agonizing. He glanced at her from the side, noticing she was lost in contemplation, and strangely decided to break the ice. “How did they go? The afternoon and dinner at the Kinomoto's, I mean,” he asked as they kept walking, his eyes now on the grass.

“Oh, I've spent a wonderful time, as usual. Kero-san wanted me to play some games with him, but you know that I'm terrible at that, so even if I gave my all, he still won everything in the end,” she chuckled, the golden guardian's deafening cheers were still echoing in her ears. “Then, Fujitaka-san sat down with me and Sakura-san to have tea...he was so kind to me. He wanted to hear everything about the Stadstbibliotek, as well as the other libraries we saw around the world.”

She recounted everything with a calmness that felt almost uncharacteristic of her. Kaito thought it was strange. She usually was so psyched whenever she talked about people or things she had affection for. “He's always such a hospitable and kind person. I'm glad to hear that,” he commented.

“He wants to see you. He wants to make your acquaintance,” her head turned towards him, so as to look him in the eyes. “I believe he wants to check who's this young man traveling with his other ‘daughter’,” she added, smirking playfully.

He responded with a light chuckle, feeling his nerves easing up at her irony. Well, things aren't so bad if she's willing to make humor, he thought.

“...I wonder what should I introduce you as?” she pondered emphatically, her gaze turning to the moon.

Kaito's relaxed expression didn't really last long, as his eyes widened and the smile quickly faded, suddenly feeling that icy shiver running down his spine again.

“Travel companion? ...Maybe as a brother figure? Or a father figure?” she chuckled over the last option, locking eyes with him again, “But maybe that wouldn't be very believable, would it?”

The last two options, even as a joke, made him shudder with discomfort. There was no doubt he considered her his home, the closest thing to a family he ever experienced. But he was also sure she knew their mutual feelings far exceeded what could be considered a familiar love, and there was a part of him that was vehemently protesting at the mere insinuation of the contrary...despite all the thoughts that weighed him down lately. Despite the fact that things would've been so much easier, if that was all there was between them.

But he felt like her eyes weren't asking to reconfirm the nature of their feelings for one another...they were leading to another kind of question, driving him into a corner. 

He couldn't hold her stare any longer, so he went back to look intensely at the grass. Maybe if he focused enough he'd wake up in his bed, making all of this just a scary dream dictated by his fears. He tittered nervously, unsure if she wanted a real answer or what.

Akiho waited in silence for a while as they kept walking, her eyes never leaving him, even when he tried to elude them. However, she quickly understood they wouldn't make any progress if she expected him to drive the conversation forward, so she quietly took a deep breath and made her next move. 

“I was thinking I might introduce you as my partner,” she dropped the bomb, matter-of-factly. 

Kaito stopped in his tracks, causing Akiho to do the same a few steps ahead, turning to face him. 

He was pale as a ghost, and the candid moonlight did nothing but accentuate that paleness. This brings back memories, Akiho thought. She kind of expected this reaction, but she needed to strike while the iron was hot. It was useless to keep tiptoeing around this matter—she needed her answers tonight.

“Is that ok? ...Unless your feelings for me have changed, of course.” The tone of her voice was suddenly serious, strained with anxiety.

How to reply to that? How could he explain that his feelings had changed, and he felt like every day he loved her more than the day before? That the love he felt now was loaded with new nuances he wasn't sure what to do with?

He had no choice but to lie. At least to a part of it. “They haven't.”

“Then…why do you look like I'm pointing a gun at your head...?” Akiho asked, her voice slightly quivering as she brought her hands over her chest, somehow trying to keep her emotions in check. She saw him visibly stiffening, her mind assuming immediately the worst. “Please don't leave. Even if it's clearly making you uncomfortable, I beg you to hear me out on this one.”

He clenched his jaw and stiffened even more, feeling like shit. He hated that word, and he hated even more the idea of her resorting to beg him just to be heard out. He felt like a jerk for driving her to that point. It was one of those moments when his worst enemy, his self-loathing, came back knocking at his door. “...Fine,” he said quietly, fighting the disgust with himself.

“I just...want to...bring what we have one step forward,” she started cautiously, “I know we have never defined our relationship, despite knowing our feelings, because we implicitly agreed that we needed more time. I was younger, we both needed to figure ourselves out...I get it. But I feel like I am ready, now. I want to fully support you and be by your side as your partner.”

Her hands started to shake and she clutched her shirt—she desperately needed to hold, grasp onto something. “I...would like to express my feelings in more ways than what I'm doing now…” she felt the heat quickly rushing to her cheeks, hoping he would understand what she meant by that, “but if it makes you uncomfortable, I won't impose my wish on you. I'm just... tired to make up excuses wherever we go. I'm tired of wondering what we are to one another...if we love each other, I think it's just natural at some point to want to solidify our relationship,” she said, ending her speech with a trembling sigh. She closed her eyes.

I want to scream to the world that I love you. That you are mine, and I am yours. Please, allow me to do so, she prayed silently in her heart.

For a few moments, the only sound that could be heard in the garden was the rustling of the tree branches in the quiet night. Then, Kaito's laconic reply came like a cold shower.

“I don't think we should.”

Akiho's eyes snapped open. She felt her heart cracking all over, threatening to shatter in a thousand pieces if he uttered just one more word. Still, courageously, she asked the question she dreaded the answer of.

“...Why?”

“I just... I don't feel it's fair on you. Keeping you tied to me. You're so young, why should you waste all of your prime years on me? Searching for something that we don't even know if it exists?” he said as he frustratedly ran a hand through his raven hair, pain dripping from every word he released. “It's been four years, Akiho-san. Because of this, you're constantly changing school. You can't build a consistent social life because you're busy changing country every few months. Why would I even do that to you?”

She stared at him, dismayed—she couldn't believe what was reaching her ears.

“I love traveling with you!” she retorted, almost offended by his statement, “And my friends in Tomoeda don't love me any less just because I'm not here all the time. I'm fine with all of this!”

His gaze drifted down, glued to the ground. He couldn't look at her. Not when the gravity of what he was about to say was crushing his heart too.

“...What do we do if we never find a solution? It might seem easy now that we look the same age, but what are you going to do twenty years from now, when society will scorn you because your partner is someone who looks so much younger than you, and we won't be able to tell anyone the truth? Am I supposed to see you in misery for the rest of your life?”

I'm so worried for you. Terrified of leading you to misery, rather than the happiness you deserve. He was growing more distressed and more exhausted by the second. He thought his heart had understood what you're supposed to do when you love someone, but now that their path had brought them to the brink of the next step, he was realizing he wasn't sure he really knew anymore. 

She was asking him for something he wasn't sure he would've ever been able to give her. A happy, fulfilling, normal romantic relationship. When their situation was anything but normal. Despite his feelings pulled him towards her, he felt like their future was too uncertain, now. Was he supposed to follow his heart and crush her in a suffocating embrace, or give way to his rationality instead? Because he knew his concerns were very, very real.

Akiho let his quiet outburst sink in. She realized that after four years he had started growing insecure about the future. Maybe, she briefly reasoned with herself, the exhausting search was taking its toll on him. She studied his pained expression, his dark eyes filled with a torment she had only partly noticed before that night. She could see how concerned he was for her and her happiness, and she would've been lying to herself if she didn't admit that once in a while, in the gloomiest days, the thought had crossed her mind too. What if we never find a solution?

“Look at me...” she pleaded softly, a painful lump stuck in her throat, choking her words at first.

She was met with silence, his eyes fixed on the ground.

“Look at me, Cristaux!” she demanded more sternly a second time in their mother tongue, the tone and the severity of using his real name forcing him to look up to her.

“I don't regret my choice, just like you don't regret yours. I never will. I'll search for this magic and I will find it, even if it'll take my entire lifetime to do so,” her stare matched her sharp words, piercing through the dark violet fog that filled his eyes, reaching straight to his soul. She knew he needed firmness. He needed an unwavering resoluteness to quell his fears. “Did I ever say that my being with you is conditional to restoring your lifespan and restarting your time?”

He clenched his jaw and closed his hands in fists, unable to reply, unable to contradict her. She did not, in fact, say any of those things. But his fears were so vivid, so real. He couldn't understand how she didn't seem worried about the evident problems he raised.

His elusiveness was driving Akiho up a wall. She surged ahead and clutched both of his arms, startling him.

“I love you, you blockhead!” Her cheeks instinctively colored, despite both her tone and her expression were dead serious. He stared at her agape, dumbfounded. “Maybe you think this would make things easier for me, but you haven't considered that my soul belongs with yours, now! My happiness is being with you. I'd rather live the rest of my life in the scorn of society, than one single day without you...and you know I mean it, because I already know what it feels like…to live without you. I can't go through that again.”

His eyes softened at her outburst, feeling like her words had shattered something stiff inside of him—he could feel the pieces crumbling down and tingling inside his chest.

“Be honest…are you unhappy? Is this actually the reason why you don't want a relationship with me?” her voice started to crack, face screwed up in pain. The unbearable doubt was now eating away at her soul.

Kaito could feel Akiho trembling in his arms. “What...what are you talking about?” he frowned, stammering in genuine confusion. “This is not about me. I am the happiest I've ever been, with you…I never dreamed I could be so happy, so complete with another person by my side.”

He reached for her cheek, out of instinct. His fingers stroked softly her warm skin, as if he could smooth her stiffened features. He hated seeing her like that. In that very moment, he realized with shocking clarity that he hated it a thousand times more than any other fear that was gripping his heart.

“Reassure her. Let her know how you feel about her.”

“If that's true, why are you pushing me away? Why don't you reach out and take what's already yours?!” she cried out in his arms, frustration stifling her breath.

His stomach clenched at her exasperated cry. Painfully at first.  But then the pain turned into a sweet warmth that filled his entire chest. The pace of his heartbeat quickened, hand in hand with the one of his breath, as he felt something strange, but at the same time familiar, violently taking over him and making him lean forward.

The next thing he knew, his lips were pressing on hers with reckless impulse.

She tasted like jasmine tea. The same he had carefully brewed for both of them after she came back home—sweet, flowery, delicate. 

Her mouth felt so soft and warm against his own, a sensation he couldn't compare to anything he ever experienced in his entire life. He had been so afraid to follow the lead of his instinct, but in the depths of his heart, a part of him now knew he wouldn't be able to live without experiencing this feeling again. Without feeling her so close, so intimately close. His head just kept spinning, completely stunned by what his body had just made him do.

Akiho's eyes widened in surprise at the sudden ‘invasion’, fingers clutching the fabric of Kaito's sleeve so tight that her knuckles turned white, in an attempt to withstand all the overwhelming sensations that simple contact had triggered in her. 

It all lasted less than the time a butterfly would need to flutter its wings, but both of them distinctly perceived like it lasted way, way longer.

As if they had triggered a spell. As if time had stopped on its own.

Their lips parted with a soft sound, snapping both of them out of their reverie. Unsurprisingly, they were both panting like they had ran a marathon.

He pulled away and stared at her distraught, half unsure of what he had just done, half desperately searching into her eyes for an answer to the questions that were drilling a hole into his brain.

Did I cross a boundary I wasn't supposed to? Does she hate me, now? 

He was about to apologize, but his breath caught in his throat.

He watched in horror as Akiho's bewildered eyes welled up with tears, like a river in spate. The salty drops trickled down her cheeks copiously as she stood motionless for a couple of seconds, before blinking confused at Kaito's dismayed face. That's when she whimpered and brought one hand to her cheek, wiping the tears away in shock—she realized she was crying.

She stared at her wet fingertips, then at Kaito again, before freaking out.

“NO! This is not...god, why do I always have these reactions!!”, she frustratedly clenched her fists against her forehead, “This is not what it looks like...”

She frantically searched for the words, but she found out that all the terms of all the languages she knew were jumbled up like a messy salad in her head. Her ability to put a coherent explanation together had been completely destroyed by the feeling that was still burning in her chest.

His face looked so wrecked with the misunderstanding that was occurring—there was just one way. Just one way to get across what she was trying to say.

She hastily tugged at the collar of his robe and stood on her toes, pressing her lips against his again. 

She tasted salty now. That was the only thing that Kaito's brain could register in the midst of the chaos that was happening between them. He closed his eyes, willing himself to calm down and take the moment in—he was at least starting to internalize that she didn't hate what he had done. Partly relieved by that, he awkwardly let his arms go where he felt they were yearning to be, wrapped around her back. He pulled her against himself, feeling something like electricity coursing through his entire body.

Akiho interlaced her fingers over his nape in response, and indulged into the kiss, savoring the calming feeling of his cool lips against her trembling, swollen, wet ones. All the frustration, the pain, the fear of losing him dissolving into the night.

After the initial moment of confusion, it was now so clear to her—her tears were only ferrying out of her system so many overwhelming emotions that she had bottled up for years, ever since in her fantasy of a teenager she had started dreaming about kissing the love of her life one day. For long time, that had been her secret desire. She had waited, and waited…and that desire had grown along with her, turning into a full-blown yearning as of lately.

But now it was as if his lips had finally made the cap pop off and relieved the pressure on her emotions, making them flow out of her in an unstoppable stream. She felt lighter, relieved. So her cheeks inevitably reddened with embarrassment when she parted from his lips with a sigh she couldn't control, one that echoed of contentment.

“...Was that your answer?” she asked, slightly breathless.

He stared at her, still a bit awestruck. “...I guess it was,” he answered with a tone that sounded more like having finally found peace of mind, rather than defeat. His thumb brushed with gentle slowness over her cheekbone, wiping her tears away.

“You can't rewind your way out of this,” she smirked while sniffling, “there's no way I could ever forget this happened. Don't even try.”

He smiled back, her teasing sending tingles across his heart. “I don't intend to. If that's not what you want, I'm not backing out.” 

“It's not fair, though,” she protested, but her voice was soft with endearment, “I'm always a mess around you, but I have never seen you blush. Even a kiss couldn't make you do it.”

He kept staring into the blue of her moonlit eyes as he took her right hand, which was resting on his shoulder, and guided it over his chest with his own. Akiho could feel his heart through his shirt, pounding crazily against his ribcage. She stared in wonder at it, mesmerized by the steady rhythm. Her blush deepened in realization, emphasizing even more the gentle moonlight that was reflecting in her twinkling eyes.

“I believe everyone has different ways to show how they feel,” he whispered, his voice hoarse for the raw emotions that still lingered in his throat.

She looked up into his eyes, feeling her heart welling up again with a surge of love. Their faces were still so close. Her gaze fell on his lips—she wanted to kiss him again, and again, the temptation almost impossible to resist. 

But she reined in her impulse.

She knew she should not overwhelm him, and he needed to let sink in what had just happened between them. Something she could've also benefited from, as so many emotions had rocked her world that night. Breaking the brief silence, she spoke again.

“At first...I thought you were being unreasonable, making decisions for both of us again...but I see it now. You knew there was no turning back once we crossed this line...and you didn't want to allow yourself to cross it, because you wanted to leave me a choice. The choice to back out from this situation…from us, at any time.”

Her fingers brushed gently across his cheek; her voice was so quiet, as if she feared she could burst the perfect moment they were immersed in, if she spoke any louder. “But that's never going to happen. No matter what lies ahead, I want to be with you. This is my choice.”

“Are you sure...you wouldn't want to experience a simpler relationship with someone else?” his question felt heavy and strained with concern, but he had to make sure one last time.

“If you doubt me again, I'm going to get very, very angry,” she frowned, her voice brooked no argument. “But what about you? What do you want?”

What did he want? He never really gave himself the chance to pause and think about what he truly wanted, under the thick layers of worry and paranoias...he didn't think he had the luxury to. He only knew he wanted to make her happy—that had always been his beacon in the night. But now that she was asking this question, now that he could look into her breathtaking azure eyes, the answer seemed so simple...it bubbled up from his heart so effortlessly.

“I want to be with you. Until my last heartbeat.”

Her expression broke into a beaming smile. “We are on the same page, then. You have no idea how long I've waited...for this to happen. I'm so happy...” her voice softened, mellowed by the unspeakable elation that made her feel over the moon. Her arms circled his chest and hugged him tight.

He returned the embrace, one hand stroking her hair with tenderness. “Thank you for waiting for me,” he whispered.

The full moon was watching over them as the only witness to the vows of love they exchanged.

Waiting was challenging, sometimes frustrating, sometimes painful. But it always bore its fruit. Akiho couldn't imagine a happiness greater than what she was experiencing right now. And even if she focused really hard and tried to imagine it, she couldn't see any happiness that wasn't with him. The man who persisted, stubborn as hell, in loving her more than his own life.

“I always will.”

Author's note: After four months of deleting and re-writing almost everyday, I finally published this chapter!!! 😵‍💫 We could say this fic exists basically to depict this moment...Akiho and Kaito's first kiss. 🥹 It was, indeed, one of the first parts I've written. (I don't necessarily go in chronological order when I write) If I had more confidence (and patience), I would've made the fic longer and turned it into a slower burn...but I think for my actual level, it's ok like this.

Sooo I've finally revealed the reason why this fic is called "Time, Stop". You thought it was because Syaoran was learning time magic, uh? 😂 Yeah, that's a secondary reason too, but it's mainly a reference to how time seems to be still for a moment when Kaito and Akiho's lips meet for the first time. In fact, one of the possible titles of the fic in early stage was "Time stands still". It's kind of a way to reconcile Akiho with that concept. It can be not only a dangerous magic, but also a "magic" they can spark with their love. 😉

I could've made this moment sweet, tooth-rotting fluffy, but no-I had to make it angsty. 😂 After all, what are these two without some healthy angst? Kaito is so...lost in his paranoias because he loves Akiho simply too much, angst and drama are just waiting to happen. And Akiho is understandably frustrated at it, but she doesn't let that stop her. She's always her bold, assertive self. ❤️ Fortunately, Kaito's heart knows how to take control of his body when the mind is too loud...we have seen that in the canon manga already and here, precisely because their relationship has evolved, his instinct gets the upper hand when Akiho basically gives him 'permission' with that "Why don't you take what's already yours?".

But you know, Kaito's fears aren't so silly, after all. The doubts that were eating away at his soul are things I've thought about when Clear Card ended. People said Kaito and Akiho got a happy ending, some even said that Kaito was left off the hook too easily, with all that he had done. But are we sure it's really like that? I don't think people really paused to consider what this could mean, if they never find the spells they're looking for. Kaito's stopped time is basically what's keeping him alive right now, but it can turn into something really grim, decades down the line. What he mentions in my fic is only one of the problematics...I don't want to mention any further to not turn this into a straight up depressing corner. 😅

Well, this is Cardcaptor Sakura so they're surely going to find a solution to his problem. And in my headcanons too, of course. Who knows if one day I will write a fic about that. 😂 For now, the drama revolving around that was the occasion to finally make their first kiss happen. ❤️

Points I want to clarify: - When I wrote that Akiho called Kaito with his true name in their mother tongue, what I meant is that in that precise moment Akiho is speaking in English instead of the default Japanese that they always speak when they are in Japan. After all, they both grew up in England and their mother tongue is English (particularly for Akiho, since in the anime we see her talking in English with Syaoran and Meiling, and taking notes in English while reading a book in Japanese). I like to imagine them speaking in English every now and then, particularly when they have to make sure what they want to say is conveyed properly. However, this fic is already written in English, so I had to specify it in that way. 😅

- When Akiho calls Kaito "blockhead", it isn't a random insult...it's the closest translation to wakarazuya, the term both her mother and Momo used when they were frustrated at him! 😂 It runs in the family...

- Kaito is referred to both as a "young man" and a "man" throughout the fic. It might seem a mistake at first, but it's deliberate. Due to his condition, I choose which one to use depending on the circumstances and which side of Kaito I'm trying to emphasize.

I don't know what more to say. This chapter really drained me. 😂

But stay tuned because next chapter will be the last one, a sort of epilogue!! Will the others know about this huge change in YunaAki's relationship? What will be their reactions?? Is there a surprise for SyaoSaku too (what) ??? 🫣

[meimi-haneoka]

Holic Rei 63

Watanuki asking Momo/Seoritsu-hime "do you like to brandish stuff? The racket, the net..." and Momo answering all proud "(yep) it's my forte" after chasing (and successfully trapping) Mokona with a butterfly net IS SENDING ME ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️

MY QUEEN, WHY DIDN'T YOU USE THAT SKILL WITH KAITO, FFS!! He needed it so badly!!😂😂😂😂😂

Also the nicknames Maru and Moro have for Seoritsu-hime 👌❤️ "Seo-tan" and "Ricchan" awwwww 😆

It's so great to delve into these lesser known sides of Momo, I already could tell she was a playful creature but you can really see how almost childish she is, in Holic 🥲it makes me a bit sad for all the missed interactions with Akiho we could have had (at least Akiho, since Kaito for his nature wouldn't really participate to these games), but I swear I'm diligently taking notes. ✍️ For reasons.

Don't have much to say over the rest of the chapter because the development goes slooowly, as usual :)

[meimi-haneoka]

10 fics tag game!

I was tagged by the lovely @dandelion-stuff-and-fluff for this fun game!! A chance to showcase a sneak peek of all the fics I've posted on AO3 till now (even though I'm painfully aware I need to work on my opening lines, like the rest of the structure of my fics). ✨

Since I don't reach 10 published fics (the clarification is important 😂), I will feature all the ones I've posted on AO3 + all the chapters of Time, Stop (my most recent one) 😉

Rules: post the beginning lines of your most recent 10 published fics (or chapters, if you don’t have 10 fics), then attempt to tag 10 people!

In order from the most recent, to the oldest one! All fics are for Cardcaptor Sakura and the pairing is always YunaAki!

Time, Stop (chapter 4)

Kaito stared fixedly at an indefinite area of the garden, as flashbacks of his conversation with Akiho earlier in the afternoon reoccupied his mind. She said she wasn't mad at him, but something in her eyes and voice told him she wasn't saying the truth. And that made him restless beyond his control. Dissimulating, concealing...he painfully realized he didn't like being given a taste of his own medicine.

Time, Stop (chapter 3)

“I'm sure you would've loved to visit there. The circular shape of the Stadsbibliotek makes it look so magnificent, I've never seen anything like it!!” The next afternoon, Akiho was excitedly recounting the visit to the charming public library of Stockholm, sitting at the table of the Kinomoto's kitchen. Fujitaka nodded and made sure to not miss any single detail, as he poured the black tea into the cups.

Time, Stop (chapter 2)

The evening had finally wrapped Tomoeda into its quiet embrace. An elegant candelabra spread a warm glow on the table in the dining room of the Shinomoto-Yuna mansion, while Akiho and Sakura were setting it ready for the upcoming dinner for four.

Time, Stop (chapter 1)

A thunderbolt illuminated Tomoeda's sunset sky. The garden of the Shinomoto-Yuna mansion quaked as a thick chain slammed into the grass with a clanging sound, missing by a few centimeters one of the pine trees lining the fence. The impact left deep furrows into the lawn.

Gravitation (1,887 words)

He had been called in again. Without asking him if he was already busy with something else, or if he agreed to it at all. They just told him "You're wanted at the rituals hall. Hurry up."

Willow (1,519 words)

The big library room was illuminated with a dimmed light. Akiho plopped down on the carpet in front of a heap of large pillows, holding a big, thick book with a finely decorated hardcover, a freshly acquired treasure from the local public library.

Cosmos (1,674 words)

All the curtains were closed tightly. The spacious living room was completely immersed in the darkness, except for a couple of big, scented candles on the ground, faintly illuminating the floor. Any hindrance out of the way. A generous number of soft pillows of all sizes was arranged on the floor, on top of a large camping mattress, right between the two candles.

I'm here (1,217 words)

Three weeks had passed by, from that fateful night.  Most of our stuff was packed, and our days were spent between checking everything for the imminent departure and hanging out with Sakura-san and the rest of the group, making the most out of the remaining time.

Somewhere I belong (1,100 words)

I don't think I'll ever be able to forget it.  The way she looked at me when they told her everything, that night.  The way she had slowly turned her head and kept her gaze fixed on me, while the British magician rattled off all that my plan had entailed, down to the way it had affected my body.

I can't tag anyone because aside from Dandelion, I don't know who else writes 😂so this is a free invitation to anyone who wants to do it, consider yourself tagged!!

[meimi-haneoka]

Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card 2026 calendar! ✨

(preview from Amazon)

Rejoice, CCS fans! We're going to have a Clear Card calendar for 2026!!! ❤️🎉🎉🎉🥰🥰🥰

As you can see in the preview above, there won't be any new art. Just like the one released for 2024, it will have character birthdays marked on each month! The size is 30x30 cm, price is 3,850 yen. Released by Kodansha on November 13th, 2025.

Well, we're still missing an artbook for Clear Card, so this is better than nothing! 🥲❤️The illustrations are, as far I can see, all different from the ones featured in the 2024 calendar.

[meimi-haneoka]

Cosmos Bipinnatus Apricotta

[meimi-haneoka]

[meimi-haneoka]

[meimi-haneoka]

"xyz DNI" blocking people is YOUR job, sorry. You cannot ask the world to simply move around you, you have to take control of your online experience or you will be fucking miserable forever. Most people don't read your bio/pinned/carrd before touching the posts that cross their dash anyways.

Also maybe worry less about if someone who likes something you hate clicks on your tumblr post. I promise it is not that fucking serious.

Also-also if you have this DNI because your friends/moots said or implied you have to otherwise you're somehow Bad and/or will be punished by them if you don't, that's kind of fucked and maybe you need less controlling friends.

[meimi-haneoka]

Time, Stop - chapter 4

Characters: Akiho Shinomoto, Yuna D. Kaito, Syaoran Li Rating: T Warnings: none Tags: more sparring time for the boys, and some bonding time too, Kaito's overthinking is taking over again, the tension is high between him and Akiho, in more than ONE meaning uhuhuh, they act like such fools in this chapter Summary: Kaito and Akiho are back in Tomoeda for a short while, on Syaoran's request: he's finally going to learn time magic! What Akiho doesn't imagine, however, is that this visit will trigger one of the biggest turning points in her relationship with Kaito. Word count: 5.399 A/N at the end of the chapter. English is not my first language; keep that into consideration. This chapter on AO3

Excerpt:

He stared at her, feeling like the Earth was spinning a little slower. Like the room had gotten a little warmer. Like he could melt right there and then.

Kaito stared fixedly at an indefinite area of the garden, as flashbacks of his conversation with Akiho earlier in the afternoon reoccupied his mind.

She said she wasn't mad at him, but something in her eyes and voice told him she wasn't saying the truth. And that made him restless beyond his control. Dissimulating, concealing...he painfully realized he didn't like being given a taste of his own medicine.

His thoughts were interrupted by Syaoran's voice calling him, a few meters nearby. “Is everything ok? Can we continue?”

“...Yes, sure, I'm sorry.” Kaito smiled and walked towards Syaoran, whom was slightly panting from a session of magic sparring.

“So, what I want you to work on is the ability to build magic stamina before starting the time-freezing spell. You shouldn't summon your magic while casting the spell, because it's counterproductive. You must already start building up your magic supply while you're fending off the opponent's attack... I know it's difficult to handle the two things at once, but it's mainly a matter of focus.”

Syaoran nodded. “I see, that makes sense.”

“It's like splitting your mind in two. One side must be focused on the opponent, the other on your body. Feel every speck of magic that's coursing through your veins, and gather it. Here, in the center of your torso,” Kaito's hand hovered above his own stomach to show him the area, “this is where you build up your magic reservoir. You have to gather as much of it as possible. It's only when you have started the spell that you can direct it into your hands, and subsequently into your magic tool—in your case, your jian.”

“Wait, why not gathering it into my hands from the start?”

“Because the spells work better with a consistent, steady supply of magic. Your hands serve as the medium that channels the magic into your tool, but your reservoir must be in a more central area of your body, so the magic can reach it faster from wherever it's being summoned.”

Syaoran kept nodding, making a mental note of all the precious advices Kaito was giving him.

“Come, let's try again.”

The two faced each other in the middle of the garden, summoning or getting their magic tools ready. Kaito was the one to get the ball rolling, darting towards Syaoran and then deviating his trajectory, jumping on a nearby tree, destabilizing his opponent who was already preparing to fend off his attack from the front.

Heck, this guy really loves heights, Syaoran thought frustratedly as he turned around and pointed his jian at him. Kaito didn't waste any time and flipped his staff upsidedown, unleashing a single string of heavy chains towards the younger magician. Syaoran avoided it with quick reflexes and crouched on the ground, holding an ofuda in front of his sword. “Fuuka, shorai!”

Kaito swiftly jumped down to avoid the small tornado that engulfed and violently shook the tree he was on. “Start now, summon your magic,” he instructed loudly as he landed on the grass, “while I'm preparing my next attack.”

Syaoran complied immediately, trying to divide his focus between Kaito and the tingle he felt in his body. His magic was promptly reacting to his call, and he started feeling a burning sensation in his stomach—it almost felt uncomfortable.

“It burns, right?” Kaito said, smiling knowingly as he swung his staff, a series of smaller versions of his magic circle appearing in front of him. “Remember your goal. Remember why you're doing this.”

Sakura.

The idea of Sakura being targeted by anyone made Syaoran's insides clench painfully. He couldn't sleep at night at the thought of it.

He knew time magic was something dangerous to deal with, but he also knew it was the best chance he had to repel any undesired attention from other magicians. Kaito told him that if he limited himself to time-freeze, and only for five seconds maximum, the consequences on his lifespan would be negligible. Syaoran had been honest when he explained to Sakura what learning this technique entailed, but the advantage the spell gave him, pausing any offender long enough for him to deal with them, was simply too compelling to dismiss. Earlier that afternoon he had managed to sustain time magic up to four seconds. But it still wasn't enough. He needed to push on.

Determination flashed through Syaoran's eyes as he felt the magic flowing much faster in his veins, the burning sensation in his stomach was now pretty much unbearable.

“Tina Rie...Lachesis”

Kaito pronounced the incantation gravely, giving birth to a dozen of shiny purple darts emerging from the mini magic circles in front of him. Unceremoniously, the darts lunged at full speed towards Syaoran, who promptly stood up. His amber glare met Kaito's narrowed dark violet eyes—both knew it was time to cut to the chase.

The younger magician flipped his jian over, sticking it into the ground, as his magic circle shined with a dazzling green light under his feet. His voice chanted, confident and solemn.

“Time, stop!!”

The darts froze immediately mid-air. As everything turned green and a deafening silence fell one more time over the area protected by Kaito's barrier, Syaoran could feel the familiar weight dropping onto him again.

But this time, something was different. His movements were still slowed down, but far less than before. He could distinctly perceive the magic rushing out of his hands, flowing steadily from that reservoir that was burning in his stomach, and he desperately hastened to straighten his sword, holding his ofuda in front of it. In the corner of his eye, he could see that Kaito was quietly counting.

The increasing fatigue threatened to engulf him and snuff out his burning flame again, turning this into yet another fruitless training session. But he refused to bear another failure.

Gritting his teeth, he kneeled to the ground, still holding his sword upwards. And then, as if in a daze, he saw them again—Sakura's sweet smile, her bright jade eyes. They violently took over his mind, reminding him what was at stake. All of a sudden, he couldn't feel the weight or the fatigue anymore. With the last drops of magic flowing out of him, he confidently recited “Raitei...shorai!”, hurling a powerful thunderbolt towards Kaito, pulverizing the frozen darts.

“Whoa…!” Kaito laughed nervously as he jumped to the side to avoid the leftovers of Syaoran's attack, which had continued their run by inertia in his direction, missing him by a whisker and plunging into a big bush of roses, incinerating them. The man frowned at the sight—he was particularly zealous about his roses.

In that moment, the green hue dissolved and time resumed its normal flow.

Syaoran dropped the sword and sat down on the grass, leaning back on his hands, panting and sweating profusely while observing with a pleased smile the result of his counterattack. He could feel his entire body trembling from the effort. “How long?” he asked, this time with a much more upbeat tone than all the previous times.

Kaito walked towards him, smiling, as he reverted his staff back into his pocket watch and hastened to cast a spell on the damaged areas of the garden. “Five seconds, almost six. Congratulations, well done,” he said as he handed him a bottle of a sport drink, sitting down on the grass next to him. With a snap of his fingers, he took down the purple barrier around the garden too.

Syaoran drank immediately from the bottle, feeling tired, but so much lighter and fullfilled. He sighed, mind going immediately to a certain girl. “I can't wait to tell Sakura about this. I wonder what the girls are doing right now...I'm sure they're enjoying their time together,” he commented with a gentle smile. He didn't notice it, but Kaito slightly flinched at the mention of the girls.

“At first, I admit I was a bit dejected when Sakura told me she wasn't coming to the training session of today,” the younger magician said lifting his eyes towards the clouds above, “but I realized it's so much better like this. I hate to show people my failures. I don't even want my mother to attend my training sessions, when I'm learning something new.”

“Hmmm, I see,” Kaito murmured distractedly, his gaze fixed on the grass in front of him.

Syaoran peered at his teacher from the side, recognizing a familiar gravity in the way he was silently staring at the grass—with narrowed eyes, as if he were analyzing it. So silent that he could barely perceive his breath. He pondered for a moment if he should ask. Then he decided to go for it.

“Did something happen with Shinomoto?”

Kaito glanced up at him, surprised by his question. “No, she's fine. Why?”

“But something about her is bothering you, isn't it?”

Kaito stared, stunned, unsure how to reply. He wanted to ask how he knew that, but the amber-eyed young man was quicker than him.

“No need to ask me how I know. Sometimes I think we're pretty similar. Maybe it's the moon magic,” he said, giving Kaito a brief amused smirk.

Kaito exhaled through his nose, thinking how to arrange his thoughts before pushing them out of this mouth. For some strange reason, the younger magician's straightforwardness always made him want to open up and talk. A lot more than his average.

“Things are...complicated. I think she's angry with me. Last night it became clear that she's still processing what happened four years ago. I honestly can't blame her.”

“But you... don't regret it, right?”

Kaito's eyes widened, caught off guard for the second time in a few minutes. It was apparent that was just a statement dressed like a question. He smiled, appreciating the empathy coming from the other side. “Must be the moon magic, hm?” he said, an ‘exactly’ implied in his smirk. “I hope one day she'll be able to forgive me completely. I don't want this to haunt her for the rest of her life.”

“Well, what you did is not insignificant. Both in a positive and in a negative way, I guess,” Syaoran commented with his proverbial bluntness, looking at him with a slightly raised eyebrow. “It might take a while to elaborate everything. But I'm sure she will eventually make peace with it.”

The young man paused, as his mind was suddenly occupied by what happened the evening before. The truth is that, after his restoring nap, he had inadvertently overheard the last part of Sakura and Akiho's conversation as he was approaching the dining room. Feeling uneasy, he thought it would've been better to wait in silence to give them space and enough time to talk, so he didn't show up immediately at the door. But that gave him the chance to partly hear what was bothering Akiho lately, so when he spoke again, he couldn't help but keep into consideration what he had involuntarily heard.

“Just...make sure she knows you want to move forward from that past. Reassure her. Let her know how you feel about her.”

Kaito's gaze shifted to the grass again. He had realized, over the years, that no matter how more aware his heart was of his feelings for Akiho, he simply wasn't good at expressing them straightforwardly with his voice. He wished he could deliver some beautiful lines like those of the romantic books she loved so much. But he just couldn't bring himself to, there was something preventing him from doing so. Hence why he tried to express his feelings in any other way he deemed appropriate—little notes, food, acts of service in general. He wanted her to know, in every waking moment, that she was loved.

He wanted her to know that despite the past, the hardships, the travels and the distance from the people she had bonded with, she was loved. He loved her and had always loved her above all else. Even if in an imperfect way. He wasn't sure whether it could be enough for her, but it was all he felt he could give. They surely had come a long way, because thinking back to their situation four years ago, even this little was unimaginable. But he had learned the hard way how destructive it could be on a person's mental health to believe that no one loves them. He would've never allowed her to feel the way he had felt.

And yet, despite his best intentions, it seemed as if lately life had decided to play havoc with his head once again, leaving him worried, confused and lost.

In the latest period he struggled to recognize the Akiho he had always known. He could see her very well, and yet he couldn't see her anymore. Where was the small, poised, sometimes insecure young girl he used to know?

Her body had slowly changed under his nose because of that unbridled magic known as adolescence, and that petiteness was by now nowhere to be found. The process had been so smooth and natural that he really didn't realize until...one day, it became too apparent for him to ignore.

She was taller, the top of her head finally reached his shoulders. Her blonde curls gently swayed past her shoulders now, but not as long as her mother used to wear them. Beauty had flourished on every inch of her, in and out. The insecurity had long given way to assertiveness and wit, while always retaining a sweet and kind disposition towards others.

Despite he knew she still was Akiho, that wasn't Akiho anymore, in a way.

Contrary to her, his appearance was static, crystallized in time. For a twist of fate, their appearances now looked more similar than ever—there was just one part of him that escaped the spell that still had its claws on him. Evolving, progressing, growing with each passing day.

His feelings for her were always the same, but simultaneously he knew they weren't the same anymore.

He felt there was something that was insinuating itself in the depth of his stomach like an unwanted guest, and everytime he absentmindedly looked at her long enough to kick his overbearing rationality out for a while, that something bit down hard and burned his insides. Her azure eyes had discovered the power to take his breath away, and weren't afraid to use it. Everytime she took his hand and confidently pulled him down a library's aisle in search for another rare book, or whenever she retorted to his involuntary irony, his heart lurched almost painfully.

The pull he had always felt towards her, that irresistible force that had set in motion their destiny many years ago and had already changed shape multiple times, was about to morph once again, he could feel it in his bones.

And he was afraid of what he could find once the change was completed. He was afraid to find another piece to the puzzle of what it meant for him ‘to love someone’, and with all the thoughts that had started festering his mind as of lately, he wasn't sure he should've been allowed to feel that way. He felt like he needed to keep this at bay. He couldn't allow it to change any further.

“I've had a lot of thoughts, lately,” he said after the long pause, capturing Syaoran's attention again. “It's been four years, and we haven't found a magic spell that can restore my lifespan and my health conditions back to a decent degree. I've started to wonder if we ever will.”

He looked up at the clouds that were being tinged of orange and pink hues, as sunset gently accompanied Tomoeda into the night. The sight, for some reason, did nothing but worsen his melancholy.

Syaoran stared at him for a moment, his expression turning pensive. Kaito's situation was certainly not easy, but somehow he knew that wasn't truly what was concerning him. “Are you worried this is affecting her in some way?”

“She never says anything to avoid upsetting me, but anyone would be exhausted by now. When we started our journey, I promised myself I would've done this right...making her happy for the rest of her life, in the way she wanted to. And I still want to do that. But I'm not blind, I can't be, getting to this point.”

“What do you mean?” Syaoran asked, frowning, his voice perturbed by a bad feeling settling in his gut.

“I don't want to... keep dragging her along in this mess I've put myself into. I don't want her to feel like she's bound to do this, or miss out on a lot of good things because she's too busy checking magic books on the other side of the world. I know this is what she decided to do on that day, but after four years, I can't help but wonder...whether I should set her free or not.”

Syaoran's eyes widened at the frank reply—he noticed that Kaito's hands had turned into fists, conveying perfectly well how the mere thought was ripping him apart from the inside. It took Syaoran a few seconds of pondering to realize that, when put in front of the choice to drag the love of his life along in his misery, or set her free, he would've found himself in the same limbo Kaito was in right now. He couldn't help but empathize with him; just thinking about separating from Sakura—forever—made his skin crawl. He shut his eyes tight to wash the uncomfortable feeling away.

But they didn't need to go that far. Despite understanding his dilemma, there was fundamentally one big difference between Kaito and Syaoran: the latter knew better than jumping immediately to separation. Remembering again Akiho's words from the evening before, he tried to put out the fire before it burned the whole house down.

“I understand where you're coming from, the thought of dragging the people we love into a dark situation is unbearable. However...love doesn't bind two people like a chain. I don't feel like I'm ‘chained’ to Sakura and neither does she, I think. It's more like...” he paused, his fingers curling on his chin while he searched for the perfect image in his mind, “...it's like a magnet. I feel this constant magnetism coming from her...next to her is where I want to be,” he said, smiling without realizing it, “I suppose this is what they call ‘attraction’.”

Attraction. Kaito digested the word carefully. Could that be that mysterious something that was growing and changing inside of him, too?

“But Sakura doesn't bind me in any way. Similarly, I believe Shinomoto does not feel ‘chained’ to you, and she does what she does because she wants to.” Syaoran shifted uncomfortably on the grass. “Well, this is just my opinion, there's no better way to know than asking her directly. You should ask her how she feels about all of this,” Syaoran concluded, putting deliberate emphasis on the last few words.

“Hmm...” was all Kaito could reply. Easier said than done, he thought, the mere idea was dreadful to him—he was an introvert, he hated confrontation, despite what his reputation had spread around. Yet he knew that was the right way to go about it; all those years Akiho patiently tried to teach him how to communicate their issues and needs had not been in vain.

“Is that the reason why you haven't officialized your relationship yet, until now?” Syaoran's voice snapped him out of his thoughts, bringing a confused expression on his face.

“What do you mean?”

“Well...I've never heard you call her your ‘girlfriend’, despite it's apparent to anyone what's going on between you two.”

Kaito's eyes got wide like saucers. If he were anyone else, he would've probably started slightly blushing by now. But he was Yuna D. Kaito, so he just sat there, gawking at Syaoran for a moment, before replying.

“Well, yes. That, and also...you know...because I'm older than her.”

Syaoran eyed him, his thick eyebrows furrowing with puzzlement. “You don't really look older than her,” he said, matter-of-factly.

“I don't mean physically.”

“Well, no offense,” Syaoran raised his eyebrows now, “but even mentally...it doesn't really look like you're far apart. Why caring about that anyway? You're the only ones truly knowing what's going on.”

Damn, the Li's and their bluntness, Kaito thought as he grimaced, slightly piqued by the merciless remark. But Syaoran had a point. Akiho always said their supposed age difference didn't matter to her or concern her in any way. The more they looked physically close in age, the harder it was for them to remember there was a supposed age difference between them at all.

However, what Syaoran said had also ignited another thought. Something he hadn't considered before and now worried him far more than anything else.

His expression became so distressed as he ruminated that Syaoran, seeing the sudden change, couldn't help but feel guilty for what he said.

“Hey, I'm sorry. I did say I didn't mean any offense with that...it was meant in a good way. You two have a lot in common,” he clumsily tried to patch things up, but Kaito smiled forcibly at him, feeling like it was time to wrap up their chat. He suddenly had lost all willingness to talk about this matter.

It was in that moment that Kaito's phone beeped, startling him. Akiho's name stared at him from the notification that popped up on the screen. He excused himself with Syaoran and tapped on it, feeling his heart pulsating in his throat.

The Kinomotos invited me to stay for dinner. They say you can join us if you want. But please let me know if you'd rather have me at home.

His gaze ran wistfully multiple times over the few words she wrote to him. His heart was already clenching painfully with longing—he wasn't used to not have her at home for dinner. They were almost always together. He foolishly felt like he was already missing her, and almost considered joining them.

But he knew what the few words concealed, too. A concern for his health, a fear of him having one of the (by now) sporadic seizures that afflicted him, while she was having fun outside.

See, this is what I'm talking about.

He couldn't stand the idea of her limiting her life because of his situation. Moreover, he wasn't a child. He could handle a seizure by himself. He certainly did so, before. Countless times.

No problem, I'll be fine. Enjoy your dinner.

As Kaito pressed the ‘send’ button next to the terse message, a cold feeling gripped his stomach. He was just going to take a shower and go to bed, yes. He didn't even need to eat dinner. He just wanted to curl up on his bed and sleep.

He was probably making a particularly worrisome expression again, because he heard an increasingly uncomfortable Syaoran asking “Is something wrong?”.

Kaito turned to him, plastering on a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

Why not. I don't need to be alone, after all.

“Do you have any plans for dinner?”

── ･ ｡☆*☽*☆ﾟ.──

The key turned into the lock slowly and Akiho stepped into the foyer carefully, quietly, almost as if she were afraid to make any noise. The pendulum clock showed it was half past 9 pm. Before closing the door, she could see Fujitaka's car on the street starting the engine, directed back home. She wasn't sure whether Kaito had already gone to sleep or not—all the ceiling lights were off and she could see that the only ones still on were those along the hallway, so she quietly took off her ankle boots in the semi-darkness, put on her home shoes and walked towards the hallway.

The moment she turned left to head for the bedrooms, she squealed in surprise as she almost bumped with her whole face into Kaito's chest. The sudden encounter had startled him too—he expected her to still be removing her shoes at the foyer. His hands instinctively went to hold her shoulders. “I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.”

She stared at him, eyes wide. Seeing him made her feel strange. Her heart was kicking against her ribcage like a runaway horse. The surprise. His cold, long fingers on her shoulders, sending shivers down her spine. The proximity of his body, in this hallway that was so spacious but somehow now felt like such a cramped space, making it hard to breathe. The light scent of shampoo and the night robe over his pajamas, indicating he had already taken a shower and was ready to go to bed. Yet he was still here, awake, and had been clearly on his way to greet her. Had he been waiting for her?

The whole situation overwhelmed her, cheeks flushing red as the intoxicating yearning came back with a vengeance. She felt lucky her labored breathing could be passed off as just the consequence of the surprise, but if he kept his hands on her any longer, she felt she wouldn't be able to answer for her actions. She wasn't used to spend the evening away from him, so eventually she had started missing him, and with the rising tension that the curt messages didn't help to mitigate, she desperately felt the need to have his arms and hands around her.

Holding her, cuddling her, comforting her, telling her everything would be fine between them. Maybe even cradling her face while he….

“Akiho-san, are you okay?”

His concerned voice snapped her out of her inappropriate thoughts, sending her into an even worse state of agitation. Her eyes darted everywhere but on him, struggling to push an answer out of her choked throat without sounding like an idiot. “Y-yes, i-it's nothing, I'm fine.”

He looked at her flustered face, the way her eyes refused to meet his own, the struggling expression that resembled a frown. The quiver in her voice. In his head, there was no doubt—she was still angry with him. His expression saddened, and it was in the awkward silence of that moment that he realized.

Your hands. Your hands are still on her.

Slowly, reluctantly, his fingers let go of her shoulders, going back to his side. He didn't notice her quiet intake of breath as his hands brushed past her arms, leaving a trail of goosebumps on her skin.

She started, voice still trembling. “Uhm, so, I….”

He wasn't ready to let go of her, yet. He wasn't ready to let her go to sleep without doing something for her, anything at all, that could make up for the fact that she clearly still was cross with him.

“Would you…” he interrupted her, internally grimacing at how desperate he sounded, “Would you like a cup of tea?”

The unexpected invitation caught Akiho off guard, making her finally look up into his eyes. Her facial features relaxed, even if just a little.

“Yes...I would love that.”

Akiho sat down at the small table of their kitchen, watching Kaito busying himself with the activity that was pretty much his strongest suit during his butler days. Needless to say, he had continued to brew tea for her every single day, even after the butler facade was dismissed forever. Akiho had understood, over time, that making tea for her was a love language, too. Even now, she knew he was trying to tell her something, with his elegant gestures, his careful measuring.

She saw him pouring the water into the teapot and setting the kitchen timer at two minutes and thirty seconds. After all, his pocket watch was still stopped, so he couldn't use it for that purpose like he used to. The kitchen fell into an awkward silence, save for the tick-tock of the kitchen timer; Akiho decided she wasn't going to spend the next two minutes like this.

“How did the training session go? Was it successful?” she inquired, surprising Kaito who turned around to look at her. He thought she would rather not hear anything about it.

“Yes, I'm glad to say it was. Li-kun managed to keep time magic up to a little further than five seconds, successfully countering my attack,” he replied with closed eyes and a gentle smile.

“That's good,” Akiho commented with a pleased tone, the corners of her mouth slightly curving upwards, “I expected nothing less from Li-kun. But I'm sure that...having a skilled teacher had its merits, too.”

He stared at her, blinking like a fool as it took him a handful of seconds to register that yes, she had just praised him. He started to blabber his usual jibber jabber that he didn't do anything special, that he actually felt like he was a bit rusty, but thankfully for both of them the kitchen timer intruded loudly, prompting Kaito to end his self-belittling and return his attention to the tea, which he poured immediately into the cups.

Akiho took the cup she was offered and it was only in that moment that the girl noticed he had used the tea set with the cosmos flowers. Her heart fluttered at the realization. If he was trying to reconcile, he was on the right track.

“Thank you very much,” she said softly, before placing her lips over the edge of the cup.

The scent was unmistakable—jasmine tea. She loved jasmine tea, it was one of her favorites. She closed her eyes and slowly savored the flowery aroma. As the tea went down, it warmed her inside, relaxing her nerves further.

Kaito sat down in front of Akiho with his own cup of tea, but when he glanced up at her, he felt his heart skipping a beat.

For the first time that day, he could see a beautiful smile blossoming on Akiho's lips.

“It's delicious,” she said sweetly, looking at her reflection into the cup, a pale blush appearing on her cheeks.

He stared at her, feeling like the Earth was spinning a little slower. Like the room had gotten a little warmer. Like he could melt right there and then.

“Thank you. I'm glad you like it,” he said softly, his eyes never leaving her.

Goodness, how he loved her smile. It was the most beautiful thing in the world, to him. It was his oxygen, the reason why he woke up in the morning. He felt like he could live off her smiles for days, without touching any food or drink.

Likewise, he was sure that without her smiles he would've withered away in no time. He knew it. He had been there before.

You're a fool.

How could he afford the luxury of having such thoughts, when he was considering setting her free?

He loved her so painfully much, and yet he was so insecure about what to do, about their future. Letting her go had seemed so much easier when he wasn't aware of his own feelings. Sure, even in the form of a dragon, his conscience had shriveled into a shell of himself, wishing to do nothing but sleep. Sleep to not feel.

But now? There was no way he could survive the pain that would've resulted from letting her go. His body would've lived forever. But his heart and mind would've died screaming.

You're a fool.

His destructive thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Akiho's voice asking him about his evening. He took the opportunity to tell her that he invited Syaoran to stay for dinner, and Akiho seemed relieved to hear that.

But there was still an awkward atmosphere lingering between them, so they didn't chat much past that, and focused on enjoying their tea.

As they quietly walked down the hallway that lead to their bedrooms, Akiho stopped in front of the patio door that faced their garden, looking at the full moon outside. Its light was particularly intense that night. She basked for a moment in it, and felt like it was filling her with courage, confidence.

She turned around, locking eyes with Kaito, a radiant smile on her face.

“Can we...go for a walk, here in our garden? There's a beautiful moon outside, and…”

She hesitated, her precious smile fading a little bit.

“...I need to talk to you.”

[meimi-haneoka]

Hey Cinzia. Hope you have been well. I have been thinking about YunaAki and I think I realise why people have a lot of problems with it, besides the age gap of course, and I think it probably has a lot to do with its pacing. I am actually talking about the pairing's pacing rather than clear card, although even the latter's pacing is also a problem. I think if YunaAki writing would have more "clear", no pun intended, like the stages of their relationship more clearly registered out than the love part overlapping with it, I think a lot of people would have found it more agreeable. Like yes, Akiho has feelings for him, but if it is made clear that Yuna's feelings at that point is more of a mix of guilt plus affection rather than subconscious romantic love, I think it would have landed more nicely with more people. Like then it would have made sense because it could have been framed as Akiho taking a step back with her feelings and taking care of Yuna thick and through regardless of whether he returned them or not, and then slowly as Yuna learns to navigate different emotions, it would make sense why he slowly falls for Akiho - the independent person, who is choosing to travel with him to find Momo and a cure for him, rather than Akiho - his ward (not exactly, he was the "butler" employed by her clan, but the dynamics stand). Then it would make sense why years down the line he says "The Moon is Beautiful". He not only has come to love Akiho romantically, and actually understand that he wants to be with Akiho romantically but also that he was confessed to already and now he is taking the chance to hope that she still returns his feelings, years down the line. Basically, a crisper writing would have probably served the ship better.

Aubretia! I hope you've been well too. ✨

I think I know what you're talking about when you say a more "clear" writing. But then the entire premise that kept us (and whomever will read this story all at once from now on) on our toes for the entire duration of Clear Card, when reading the YunaAki side of the story, would've crumbled down. 👇🏻

Their side of the story is supposed to be obscure, vague, especially on Kaito's side. You are supposed to wonder why Kaito is doing all of this and what exactly are the feelings that are moving him till the very end. You're supposed to be strung along till the very end, wondering "is it guilt? Is it familiar affection? Is it a sense of obligation towards her late mother? Is it romantic love?" You're supposed to be confused about his intentions altogether, till the last 10 chapters people weren't even sure if he was doing this for Akiho or himself.

That's sooooo typical of Clamp. To show you how preconceptions and prejudice can lead you astray in the judgement of a situation and of a person.

And although I completely agree with the opinion that if their writing had been more clear from the beginning, we probably would have more people invested in their relationship right now ( in addition to a clearer understanding of how things exactly started for them ), I also recognize that characters have also a function in the greater scheme of the story. And Kaito's, specifically, was to mislead. Over and over. And they wrote him very well for that purpose because he's 1) an introvert, so he doesn't spell out his intentions clearly; 2) he's got a twisted personality; 3) he hates himself so he defines himself wicked and bad when he's actually not; 4) because of his upbringing he doesn't know what love is and so he's unable to acknowledge the reason for his own behavior till the very end. They really built him in a believable way so that he could trick us into thinking he was up to no good till chapter 70. Why? Simply because that made the story more interesting and intriguing.

But I think framing Kaito's feelings as just guilt and affection until the aftermath of the last battle wouldn't have brought benefits to the perception of the pairing at all. First of all because the story was supposed to be over by then. We wouldn't have seen all the slow, complex changes from guilt to romantic love, and his "the moon is beautiful" would've felt literally coming out of nowhere. Like, literally. We would've needed a spin off to unravel all of that in a convincing manner, and as of now that doesn't seem to be in CLAMP's plans.

Instead, with the inclusion of elements that can make you think that Kaito had developed romantic feelings for her along the way (chaste, of course) like the hand stopping, the revelation of his true name to her etc., well that helps making that slow process a bit more coherent. And believable.

When you say "making Kaito's feelings just guilt and affection AND THEN, in the part that we cannot see, slowly turning them into romantic feelings would've landed more nicely with more people", I cannot help but perceive it as yet another pandering to the age gap complaints, to put them "in standby" till Akiho reached the right age. It would've just given more people the excuse to consider YunaAki a platonic kind of love forever. It would've just calmed down their uncomfortable feeling with an age gap ship and nothing more. I'm sure people are already trying to ignore the special chapter as "never happened" or as "maybe he meant it in a platonic way" (that phrase is never used in platonic circumstances in Japan!!), I imagine the thing would've been even worse if we postponed all the romantic attachment to the "post-chapter 80" part of the story that we couldn't see. Instead, it seems like CLAMP wanted to dot the i's and cross the t's as to what exactly those two feel for eachother before the arc ended for good. People who don't like the pair already ignore them as they are, might as well give a little sweetener to us, the ones who could see their potential from long time ago and had to suffer all the harshest parts of the story related to them, over the years. Without mentioning the fact that after seeing Akiho struggling with this love for 70 chapters, it would've felt very disappointing and anti-climactic if in the end all of the mess Kaito did for her was "meh, it was just guilt and yeah maybe a bit of affection". Like come on give this character some gratification 😅

I think the difference in points of view here lies in the fact that I don't see Kaito as falling for "Akiho, his ward" in the story, I already see him as being attracted by her assertive, independent, brave, bright personality. Otherwise he wouldn't have said, quite irked too, "you ARE capable of doing so many things even without magic". He already could see her worth back then. She wasn't his "ward", she was a valuable person he was trying to accompany (and then part from) towards happiness.

I agree that their pacing needs to be slow. I just think it can be done while being romantic. I am still firmly of the opinion that YunaAki's love story will develop very slowly and very carefully over the years, in a trial-and-error fashion, while still being a bond of romantic kind.

People's perception is usually "ah, if it's romantic love then it means he wants to turn this into something physical immediately" because that's all people ever think about, but it doesn't have to be like that, they don't even have to consider themselves a "couple" if none of them are ready.

The ones who like this pairing of course are aware that we are missing some "pieces" of their story. Like what prompted Kaito to go from a boy who couldn't care less about others, to getting up and try to change a little girl's destiny. It's the price we have to pay for YunaAki having the role and purpose they have inside the bigger story. We can stomp our feet all we want about how unfair that is, but every character in the end is like an actor inside the plot. They have a function. Yeah I also don't particularly like that Kaito has been berated and hated (and so did Akiho) for the entirety of the story because we couldn't see through his intentions. But that was part of the game. I also don't like that if people didn't pay enough attention, taking it away for one second from the main lovey-dovey pairing, then they would've surely missed all the beauty and tragedy of YunaAki's story, particularly because it was so subtle and between-the-lines.

But oh well, in the end that's their loss. I made my peace with that by now and I do what many other fans do; I try to "fill the gaps" with fanfictions and fanarts. I've written my "Gravitation" fanfic with that specific goal in mind.

And I don't do it in a raging, spiteful way but with positivity and gratefulness. Because the gaps allow me to expand their story for how I see it. Because that allows for this pairing and this series to stay here, in my heart, for a long time. ❤️

(thank you sooo much for this ask! 🙏🏻 Anxiety is consuming my days lately and I really really needed something like this to take my mind off things)

[meimi-haneoka]

I can hardly move in a mascot's form... Unless there's an extremely important reason, I'd rather avoid that form. Seoritsu-hime/Momo—xxxHolic Rei, chapter 60