mellowbonesland

[mellowbonesland]

So I’ll be going to West Virginia for about ten days to visit my bfs grandma with him, probably wont be a scale but I think that’s a good thing.

I tend to lose weight and be less stressed about it when I don’t weigh myself every day and don’t obsess over cals too much, like when I was in the hospital I lost two pounds.

Today I’m 139.6 and I hope to be 135 by July 20th. My goal limit will be 800 cal a day, and I should reach my goal weight of 120 by September 12th.

I’m so close.

[mellowbonesland]

We stan!!!!

chaotic good

[mellowbonesland]

So I found this caterpillar on my way to class

We’re bros

[mellowbonesland]

July 2nd

139.8

I’m finally under 140, though just barely, and I can see such a difference. I can’t wait to get back into the 120s

[mellowbonesland]

Body checks soon.

After I get back from my intake appointment tomorrow. And a weight update in the morning.

[mellowbonesland]

Update July 1st

Just got out of the hospital.

I was hospitalized on June 25th because of a severe panic attack, I answered all of the psych questions honestly and was put into inpatient treatment for the last week.

It was hard, but it helped a lot. I admitted to being an alcoholic and am seeking treatment for that, I will also be doing intensive outpatient therapy for two weeks.

It’s going to be hard, and I still struggle with an eating disorder no one knows about, and I’m worried my ED will get worse as my alcohol use and anxiety/depression become more manageable.....

I lost weight while I was there, not sure how much yet but I know I’m under 140. And I’m going to continue the diet I was on in the hospital so I can keep losing.

Really just eggs and chicken salad sandwiches and lots of lettuce. About 800-1000 a day with minimal activity. Literally barely even walked anywhere as there was nothing to do and nowhere to go in there...

I’ve been put on new meds, one more for depression that seems to work and a pill that stops me form wanting to drink and makes me very sick if I do.

I will defiantly lose weight. Because I’m never drinking again. It’s just pointless and makes me fat and sick. And the feeling of superiority when I’m the only sober person in a room is wonderful.

[mellowbonesland]

we were literally put on this earth to hang out

[mellowbonesland]

PSA:

Just a reminder, if you’re on psych meds and you are doing well and you think you can stop taking the meds, don’t stop taking meds. The reason you’re feeling better is because of the meds. If you stop then you’ll get bad again.

[mellowbonesland]

I’m hungry, but the feeling of wine on an empty stomach is soooo worth the wait.

Also losing the weight is so fucking worth the pain.

[mellowbonesland]

[mellowbonesland]

If I’m not under 140 when my period is over I stg I’m gonna chop off my arm

[mellowbonesland]

Watch "Elevator Trouble //Animatic//Creepypasta" on YouTube

This is awesome. I love this comedy skit so much. Glad IJWHF made it in a creepypasta animated format. So cool!

[mellowbonesland]

Weirds me out that people know I exist.

[mellowbonesland]

And now I’m fine???

I stg I have some form of bipolar disorder with how drastic my moods change. I was planning on cutting myself now I don’t have the urge at all??

I really need to get a therapist.....

[mellowbonesland]

I just want to die

[mellowbonesland]

I don’t know why but my grampys death is hitting me rally hard.

I can’t stop crying

I haven’t seen him in almost 2 years and now I won’t the see him ever again.

And I feel like I’m the only person crying over him. My mom, his only daughter, is only annoyed with his passing. That’s cuz he left us his mess to deal with, his hoard and mess of a house.

He was a drunk til the end and a shitty gather, but he was a good grandfather although ignorant of the times. I love him so much and it hurts I will never get to know him more deeply as a person.

This might be the straw that broke me. I’ve been struggling anyway, and this is really crushing me. I want to live for them, for those who have died and those who care. But I hurt so much.