future main of @pyrowyvern ... eventually. someday | mongrel | they/it | 21 | don't worry about it man. or do. i don't control you | i complain a lot. i will come up with a blockable tag for it later
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im playing toys with my computer to such a degree that everything is stupid and nothing means anything. i think thats an album name probably but i dont care im playing with my grub (grand unified bootloader)
#listening to:#ambient & relaxing silent hill music (w/ rain ambience) [reupload]. they werent lying btw that msuic can ambient & relaxing#setting up one of my laptops with too many os. currently debian/eos/void/gentoo but making Plans for other things#uefi stuff is weird. but it does enable this bullshit on one drive without involving like. lvm so i can kind of forgive it.#for now. at least until i have to actually touch it again and then ill probably get mad because of things i dont understand.#refind looks interesting but due to reasons i need to poke grub first for a while so its like. i may as well try to figure out os prober#which has not worked for me on my main comp but i only tried once and that mightve been kind of a weird case. i will try again
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much like a bird i require a regular supply of in-shell nuts and seeds to snack on. for enrichment
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every time i take a day off adderall i am once again struck by the fact that there is a gaping hole inside of me which can never be meaningfully filled for long (stomach)
#listening to:#pmd dungeon theme playlist. again. its like 10 hours it makes it easier when i dont feel like choosing something different every few hours#anyway. hungry but i will probably still wait for dinner at this point#trying to take better care of my body as is the theme the past few months but its one of those issues that can only be solved by being kind#to yourself and that is not an easy thing to do for me. at the moment and historically. i hope it becomes easier with practice#or at least more automatic. it would be nice if existing in / maintaining a body was not so difficult even if it remains complex forever
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eveery day you are alive
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i have little to say but several(!!!) new releases in the last 24 hours from bands/musicians that i like. also i get to see my friends tomorrow which is also exciting but im focused on the music for now
#listening to:#album 'blue garden' by delta sleep. i like it so far; not quite listening to the words yet but good instrumental as usual
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cream cheese danish awaits me.
#listening to:#bomberman 64 soundtrack because ive heard a few songs off of it that i liked so i want to see if the whole thing goes
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who wants to lay on their side motionless listening to scary music and listlessly stare at an unspecified random object for like an hour with me. you can shift positions or look at a different thing every 10-15 minutes if you want
#listening to:#the aforementioned scary music. i dont actually think its scary but its intense and i dont know if it would appeal to many other people
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i think the internet is good sometimes because i get to see art that makes me feel things each day
#listening to:#playlist of random tracks i like from various pokemon games. current is cold storage from black/white
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i think i would like to try a pecan pie. i fucking love pecans but ive never taken the opportunity to try it... i bet its good as fuck
#listening to:#ambiance of my house. or ambience? is there a distinction or is one incorrect??? i dont know of an 'ambiant' but i know there is 'ambient'.#huh. apparently they have separate etymological origins but are synonymous. the more you know#anyway. i liike windchime sound. i want to have so many windchimes when i have my own space for them.
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uuuuouhhghghhhhghggh i wanna work on m yWEBSITE
#listening to:#the xxxholic ost. honestly most of it isnt as groundbreaking as i remember it feeling when i was a kid but i still have a very deep fondnes#in my heart for it. and the opening and ending themes do still go hard as fuck#i wish that my wrist was normal and could be trusted with tasks right now. i finally did call for a doc appt and its at the end of december#so im kind of. mission: survive. for the next 3 months. i am trying to be so nice to my wrists but its really annoying to not have my#regular creative outlets. drawing and writing are off the board and those are my 2 biggest Things. cant sew or embroider either.#cant fiddle with my electronics. im trying to come up with more things to do that dont involve much wrist movement. but i cant really Make#anything without some involvement. its very frustrating... its been like a full month where i cant freely do things with my right hand#idk. i consider myself lucky that its painless during everyday stuff like eating or opening doors but. anything i really want to do hurts#or at least is profoundly uncomfortable in a way that i know it will start to hurt within like 10 minutes if i dont leave it alone.#i can do a good amount of computer tasks w my left hand but i can tell its not used to this amount of work either and is getting stressed.#which isnt ideal considering my left wrist is the one that has historically been prone to 'random' pain flares prior to any rsi-type deal.#no real winning here. not looking forward to living the next few months in a holding pattern on my life and projects. shit drives me nuts
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was just reminded by a post of the recent set of dates [1]
its a little funny, i used to have a thing as a kid where i thought i had / spread bad luck by some cosmic force of nature [2], BUT i also believed that instead of getting World-Shattering Shit Luck on friday the 13th, it would cancel out and i would get good luck - and i was usually right at least in that it would be a normal day or something vaguely nice would happen. [3]
this friday the 13th i unintentionally tested my luck by eating edge-of-expired lime skyr and i did not get sick from it [4] so i consider that yet another win. ive never been punished
#1 [friday the 13th and the other september one which is not what this is about.]#2 [i did some personal writing a few days ago and concluded this was in fact a Mentally Ill Child thing and not actually really funny#for me to have considered myself a 'bad luck charm' for significant portions of my childhood. but thats aside from the point]#3 [unsurprisingly outlook does affect the way you perceive regular events. who would guess]#4 [i do not endorse eating questionably expired foods. in case you needed me to clarify. i have a strong stomach and bad habits]#listening to:#blue (27).ogg - which is a music file i downloaded off of someone elses blog. i believe it is from the yume 2kki soundtrack?#im using my love of square brackets to try out some different formatting. i like the idea of writing footnotes like its some academic text#instead of whatever weird personal anecdotes i am sharing. its something id like to do on my website i think when i can work on it again
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getting to be one of those Times Of Year i gained in the last 2 and it is increasingly clear by the day. ridiculous
#i think im crashing a little bit. had this urge last night to just chop all my hair off which is NOT something ive ever had before#i love my hair dearly. it is very precious to me. it is one of two things i allow myself to be vain about... aside from that though.#on something of a downwards trend recently in general. falling back into patterns and such. which is to be expected but still maddening#stupid and obvious -> yeah maybe dropping the antidepressant unannounced a few months ago was a bad idea. feeling weird about meds lately#perhaps certain parts of my brain are fighting back against my recent attempts to be better about self-care. as of yet unclear.#might just have to handle a few days of shutdown. itll be alright. i get to see my friends this weekend... sorely needed. excited for that#listening to:#industrial and road sounds from outside because my music ended right as i started typing this. oh well
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ibuprofen.
#listening to:#mother 3 soundtrack. right at the end#i really need to schedule that doc appointment about my wrist it looks kkind of scary after doing a bunch of tedious computer work today#tje ibuprofen is downstairs in the kitchen and i need to go to bed soon. but tomorrow i will probably take one if it still looks bad#it at least hasnt been particularly painful with bracing the past few days but it is still swollen & weird and i want it to stop being that
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i wish so bad i could just get my beard to just perfectly self-maintain at a reasonable length and never have to shave it or feel the resulting coarse-ass stubble poking into my skin. like i love all my hair; it makes me more identifiable as some sort of animal. and with body hair i can just leave as-is forever and its fine, but if i go a month without shaving my beard it looks awful and then when i do knock it back i get the awful sensory experience of stabby little hairs all over me and the sink and then worlds sharpest stubble for like a week until the ends wear down. its an evil process
#its so ass... the price i must pay for my sweet-ass sideburns.#it would be a lot easier to just shave it all off but itd look so weird to me now this many years in and i dont think id like it.#im glad i can grow a good beard. but it is extra maintenance... and i am not particularly consistent with that. ah well#listening to:#night in the woods soundtrack (volume 2).
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my body is a machine that generates shed hairs
#listening to:#the hylics 2 soundtrack. i will not i have not yet actually played hylics or 2 but i like their aesthetics. and the music
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i need to draw so bad dude but ow. owie. i would like for it to cease now
girl my fucking wrist. hurts
#i was just thinking the other week about how i feel weird talking about body stuff when its not acting up. like as if being in a period#wjere things are not hurting somehow makes me a liar if i bring it up? which isnt really 100% logical. but. that isnt really relevant atm.#because it is aching like a bitch rn. not even that bad but enough to stop me from doing things because i dont want to make it worse...#stupidest thing on the planet having some kind of rsi when i dont even have a job. im not even getting paid to destroy my body im just#trying to engage in my hobbies and interests. which all hurt my wrist after The Incident From Which It Never Fucking Recovered#(the incident is that i went too hard cleaning a door. my adderall dose was too high at the time and i fucked my wrist cleaning a door.)#stupidest thing i have ever done with Lasting Effects. maybe never not going to be kind of mad about it#anyway.#listening to:#landmark album by hippo campus
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girl my fucking wrist. hurts
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