the boulder was so old and wise that it wasnt there anymore just been eroded to sand
21 notes
·
View notes
hired a galapagos finch at my burger joint and after 2 generations it evolved to take peoples orders
2K notes
·
View notes
just got done pouring 12 million barrels of oils out of my boat so that it cant run anymore a and im stuck in the ocean now help heeelp
281 notes
·
View notes
yea im wearing the kill shoes and the die pants
yea im wearing the shoes that squeez your feet and kill you and the pants with the rotating blades on the inside that make you die
76 notes
·
View notes
the cat vomit
6 shots espresso
1/2 cup new england clam chowder
1/3 cup lime margarita mix
3 packets salt
1 cup ice
blend on high until its smooth and then top it with whip cream and chocolate sauce its really nasty it tastes really bad you should try it
42 notes
·
View notes
quitting at the twinky factorie by shutting off the cream machine and letting the loafs go down the conveyors uncreamed
day 2. the twinkys are dry as fuck. nobody knows why but for some reason the cream machine is off too. my feet are swollen.
19 notes
·
View notes
*walking through a field of sunflowers* hey do you guys know where the sun is. ohhhh yeaa ok thanks
110 notes
·
View notes
thank you everyone thats participated in the best pastry ultimate tournemant so far. now its time for the epic concluion. vote now
36 notes
·
View notes
whos awake
35 notes
·
View notes
minecraft was made for me because i love pretending im drowning at the bottom of a really deep well
41 notes
·
View notes
857 notes
·
View notes
@gooeykit doesnt know what a penis looks like so im teaching them
@memorycycle teaching me to draw pubes from a penis
22 notes
·
View notes
chocolate and peanut butter go together like a man's penis and another man's asshole
703 notes
·
View notes
Walking around the apartment going "butter dog... he's the one with the butter" in my best anime dub boy protagonist voice until my roommate kills me oppa gruesome style
4K notes
·
View notes
terror vs fear
273 notes
·
View notes
I will lay 1000 damn daniel eggs
2K notes
·
View notes