mental-mystics-419

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I posted this on my new blog but it deserves another look

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the upper story 

by pureblindingcolour

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shoutout to my favorite coping mechanism, isolation

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one of the biggest struggles of being borderline, at least in my experience, is that i hate the idea of using my disorder as an excuse.

i don’t think that a lot of people realize that having a personality disorder means that EVERYTHING i do is because of that disorder. every emotion and behavior comes from it, and i have to actively correct and change my responses and cognitions regularly to keep myself in line.

so it’s hard, because you spend your whole life trying to function normally, because you CAN if you really really try. and people are okay with you having bpd, until you actually present a symptom. but if i get irrationally angry, i can’t say “it’s because i have bpd,” because it will come off as an excuse, even though that’s honestly why. i don’t KNOW why i’m so upset about this, i don’t KNOW why my mood dropped so quickly or why i want to die on days when nothing bad has happened. the only response is because i’m borderline.

but it’s just an excuse, or people think it’s a crutch, and so you have this diagnosis that explains everything about you, but you can’t use it to explain why you do things. not the way that you can explain that you’re sneezing so much because you have a cold, or you can’t eat ice cream because you’re lactose intolerant. those actions or avoidances are because of health problems that people are okay with. you explain that this is why you are doing or not doing something, and they’re grateful to have an explanation. but it’s not like that for us. we suffer in silence so we aren’t seen as manipulative or just unwilling to change. and it isn’t fair.

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There are two types of borderlines:

1) I become clingy because I’m afraid you’ll leave.

2) I become distant because I’m afraid you’ll leave.

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The Wonder Years | Came Out Swinging

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Cannagar at the beach✨

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Jumbo raw cone packed & twaxed ✨

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Getting a late start to my day but that is oooookay

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feelin indigo ~

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some delicious space queen to bless ur feed & send ya off to the stars ✨👽🌀🔥

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Mendocino Purple in my Sun pipe 😈☀️ and yes, it really is this purple.

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Out here enjoying a smoke