mentallyexhaausted

[mentallyexhaausted]

Ok so here we fucking go again, gonna restart using this as my personal diary

Height: 171 cm

CW: 81 kg (179 lbs)

HW: 85 kg (187 lbs)

LW: 58 kg (128 lbs)

GW: 53 kg (117 lbs)

[mentallyexhaausted]

19/08/2024

Today's food:

Buckwheat with creamy minced meat sauce

Some bacon

Cereal with milk

A cup of coffee

Cottage cheese and blackberry dessert

I am currently sick with whooping cough and I feel like I can't afford to restrict if I want to get better and be able to actually go outside and be active instead of sitting at home.

[mentallyexhaausted]

i uhm... fucking hate myself it seems i need to bully myself into taking action to improve muself and i hate that i can't just get up and be better

[mentallyexhaausted]

everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves

[mentallyexhaausted]

June 29th, 2023

Food:

2 carrots

2 cucumbers

sour cream and a bit of mayo sauce

brown bread w cheese

piece of meat

black coffee w a pump of syrup

3 tomatoes

2 avocados

some onion

[mentallyexhaausted]

79kg

how could i have failed myself so much

i need to destroy my current eating habits

[mentallyexhaausted]

June 28th, 2023

Food:

2 fried eggs

3 brown bread slices with cheese

2 nectarines

Banana milkshake

Caramel popcorn

Salted popcorn

2 small bowls rice noodles w shrimp

Strawberries

i am very much so absolutely pissed at myself for eating this much and not exercising a shit ton. yeah sure i just started my period but i could at least stop eating.

[mentallyexhaausted]

June 15th, 2023

Food:

Coffee

Fruit smoothie w milk and honey

Squid rings with sour cream dip

A whole Vienna chocolate cake (lmao i want to km/s)

[mentallyexhaausted]

June 14th, 2023

Food:

Monster ultra paradise

Some deer salami

A couple of crisps

Tomato soup w sour cream

Cereal w milk

A piece of chocolate

4 brown bread slices w meat

Beetroot soup w sour cream

2 nectarines

rode 16km on my bicycle

[mentallyexhaausted]

gr8. i've been back in my home country for a while, seem to be crawling out of the depression hole that i was in for 6 months. also i weigh like 75kg rn. which makes me want to harm myself every time i catch a glimpse of myself.

time to work on it.

[mentallyexhaausted]

i'm working on cancelling my exchange programme. if only people actually answered to my emails on time

i just want to go home

[mentallyexhaausted]

Dec 2nd, 2022

Food:

Rice with sauce

Sauerkraut

Carrot

2 donuts

Red bull

[mentallyexhaausted]

Dec 1st, 2022

Food:

Tortellini with sauce

Apple

[mentallyexhaausted]

Nov 30th, 2022

Food:

Pasta with sauce

Carrots

Peanut butter

Hummus

[mentallyexhaausted]

Nov 27th, 2022

Food:

Granola with almons milk

Some hummus

Fruit bar

Some peanut butter

[mentallyexhaausted]

i desperately want to cancel my exchange programme even though i'm in the middle of it rn, the last time i was in such a deep depression my psych implied that she wants to send me to inpatient, and here i would have to study in such a state and in a language i barely know while i am unable to get out of bed

i guess it's better to prioritize my mental health and just give up on this uni year and use the free time until next year to try to heal, but i feel like i'll be judged and considered a failure by everyone if i do so

but is it really worth it to sacrifice your mental health for the sake of so called "success"

why couldn't i have been born without severe mental illness

[mentallyexhaausted]

Nov 26th, 2022

Food:

Two slices of bread w cream cheese

3 tomatoes

Tuna can

Granola with almond milk

Fruit bar

Donut