mentalscreening
*Trigger Warning*
I've given you a knife, & You know what you did with it. So Do I. It's in my back again. You couldn't help but place it there. Maybe next time I'll turn around & You can shove it through my throat & leave me empty, dead & bare.
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It‘s hard living in a body that wants to live so bad with a mind that wants to die even more.
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“1. We went for our first date in a graveyard and although it was quiet and still, I never felt more alive. 2. I’ve been scratching my brain and bruising my muscles to try an extract the exact moment that I knew it was you. It was like every particle in my body became whole at once and my nerves intertwined in ways they haven’t in months. 3. When I first met your grandmother, she smiled at us and said ‘She smiles at every thing you say and laughs even when it isn’t funny, but does anyway. You don’t find someone who looks at you like that every day, so hold onto each other no matter how hard it gets to stay’. I held on so hard my knuckles bled and I still don’t know why you had to let go. 4. I remember the first concert we went to together and you stood behind me the whole time wrapping your arms around my waist and whispered ‘There’s no place I’d rather be’ in my ear, so my question is why aren’t you here now? 5. On Friday’s, I’d watch the sun set in your eyes afraid if I ever looked away everything would go dark. Everything is black now and I can’t even fucking see, please come back to me. 6. Late at night when I would wake up screaming you were always there to bring me back to the present from my traumatizing dreams and stroke my hair until I fell back to sleep, but now that you’re gone those nightmares have become my every day reality. 7. On Halloween when I drank too much and you could smell the liquor on my breath your veins must’ve gotten twisted because you were so pissed that you grabbed me by my hair and spit in my face. 8. Your eyes could cause cars to crash, buildings to collapse, my insides to collide like the way the sun shines, but you decided to burn me to crisps instead but I think I’d rather be dead than be with someone who was destroying me on the inside.”
— 8 Dreams I had while I was awake (via cummingcourtesy)
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“I haven’t been my best, Fantasizing about death again. But that’s fine, I guess; Because I haven’t died yet. So it’s not that bad, right?”
— Alex
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