meowssmer

[meowssmer]

i want everyone to know that i am a caleb main and i am every caleb main's worst nightmare. i WANT angst in that "fluff" card. i WANT him to suffer in his sleep. i WANT to hear him groan in agony wondering if mc will reject him one day after she truly finds out how depraved he is. there will be NO PEACE. i have an angst agenda.

[meowssmer]

[meowssmer]

Caleb x reader/mc

CW: pseudocest

You accidentally cut yourself and Caleb tries to clean your wounds.

— 🍎🍏 —

It hurts. He knows. Your eyes keep flickering to the floor, never staying on his face. You cut yourself trying to make bunnies out of apple slices. He chuckles a little at that. Hurting yourself for him... he detests it, but there's a joy swelling in him. For him, for him, for him.

He drags your hand closer to his mouth and slowly pushes his tongue out onto your cuts. It was his fault you were hurt— he'll rectify this. He'd do anything for you. It's in his nature, programmed into his flesh and blood.

You're flinching at the pain, but you never pull away. He smiles against the palm of your hand. His broken bird who willingly stays in its cage, he's so happy you chose him. He has crafted this perfect stage for you, preformed as your loving brother and golden child. Everything: a lie. For you, for you, for you.

He nips at your skin. No longer does he remember what he was doing this for. To fix his wrongs? To heal you? How will they know you're his? Without marred flesh, smooth and soft, land to be dug through. He wants to be buried within you. His coffin— remember him— forever and ever. Be haunted by him even without physical form or voice. Living in you: his pulsing muscle and twitching eyes. His heart in yours. He loves you, he molded you.

You let him hurt you, it's permission enough. Laying limp a bewildered expression possessing you, he's sure he looks pathetic right now. Heaving with so much want, body wracked with desire built up from years living under the same roof. He's pretty sure he'll die from this. Die for you, die because of you. The details elude him, he doesn't care, as long as you're here, he won't ever care.

He lets out a breath. The heat makes you shiver. He loves the way you react to him, only him. He's so focused on you he doesn't realize he's shaking. As overjoyed he is, he is deeply afraid you'll pull away when you finally come to your senses. When the pain stops numbing you, you'll really see him. Not your golden perfect brother, but a man whose soul burnt to ash for you.

Disgusting, pathetic, clingy Caleb. An idiot who thinks he can fly into the blazing Sun without setting on fire. Will you let him? Without the haze, in clear skies without clouds or rain, will you let him? You look at him. Do you know? That untethered look in your eyes— it hurts him the most. At last, he bites.

[meowssmer]

spoilers for caleb's no return night!! i'll be talking about his birthday outfit and being "tethered".

also slight mention of caleb's original cn story because i play in cn.

the airplane accessory on his blazer/outer jacket is leashed with a chain so it can't fly very far! its weighed down by a lot of chains actually, but only one is looped around it. perhaps it is indicative of the many responsibilities he carries, but there is one chain (mc/us) that keeps him close to the ground.

caleb is the sun, it's been a constant theme with his character, but mc is also considered the earth. i've actually been highly invested in mc's lore, she is used as a symbol of infinite power/resource. it fits with her being the earth, something that people believe they can continue extracting goods from without care: oil, water, electricity, wind, crops, etc. it's a super interesting parallel.

this is also in tandem with why i think mc's gender is important here— think "mother nature. (but that's a discussion for another time, and it's a complex topic that shouldn't be used to make any homophobic or transphobic comments— happy pride month!)

flying is monotonous, the world is an "abstract concept" to caleb. it is pieced together by land you have seen/interact with. as you travel through more of it, as caleb has, the world is simply more of the same geographical landscapes: the sky, the cosmos, the cities.

these are spaces that are empty, they lack the warmth and birthday wishes caleb carries with him when he flies. for him they are not stagnant spaces he can stay at, he is constantly flying through them. they are floating visions he passes, there is no chance at connection or monotony, simply movement.

it is why staying tethered is so important to him. he wants mc to remain his center of gravity; she is his home. it's the only person/place he belongs to. his friends believe him to be dead and celebrate him in their memories. he is frozen in time everywhere else; only mc has watched him grow, die, and "rebirth" into a new man.

to sound a little bit abstract: mc is a "space". like how the valves in your heart can symbolize "rooms". "there's a hole in my heart that you left"— think of something like this.

remember the world, at least to caleb, is conceptual. it is half baked with memories, floating spaces, passing glances, and emptiness. a pilot does not get the chance to sit still, it is why he enjoys the movie so much despite it being "boring" and "monotonous".

it is a reminder there is room for him— specifically in mc. especially in her heart! he as morphed into many versions of himself, all in which she carries in herself. she is the earth that he inhabits, that he waters, and also takes the fruits of his labor. this is going to refer to the original cn story. please don't continue if you are uncomfortable with this.

he has essentially raised mc, they both treated each other as family. caleb now grows out of this role to obtain a new one: from a familial role to a romantic one. these two roles, however, coexist for caleb. he is willing to take up all the space in mc's heart. the rest of the world is "darkness", the other half of it is "you".

this is the space he resides in, the only space he cares about. mc wants to keep him grounded, and he willingly folds to her. "gravity can't be responsible for people who fall in love", there must be two willing parties. one who pulls the leash, and the other who abides.

they are each other's worlds, shattered pieces of themselves mixing as stardust in exploding supernovas. it is "matter gifted eternity" (throwback to one of the trailers for caleb's myth).

see my crash out before the myth even dropped here.

[meowssmer]

"I'LL TWIST YOUR WORDS ON PURPOSE AND USE THEM TO CATCH YOU."

OH CALEB... EVEN ON YOUR BIRTHDAY... DON'T CHANGE!!!! ENTRAP ME!!!

[meowssmer]

i'd love if you knew you were on my mind

constant like cicadas in the summertime

[meowssmer]

guys i'm never getting over the canon anaxa fanfic. i still think about it. in fact, it's the only takeaway i got from 3.3

[meowssmer]

Vincit Omnia Veritas

Caleb x mc | Caleb x reader

Decoherence, but they're robots actually. I just wanted to write something fun and short. I actually posted this on Twitter, but I hate Twitter so I'd rather just rather post it on here too.

No warnings, it's just excessively flowery prose with personal symbolism and incredibly self indulgent.

Soft visages passing like water color light. Pillowy skin that dents under the hard pressure of nails. You dream of that life where you can feel each other. Hearts bellowing out to one another, heads nuzzling into each other’s necks. There is no scent to pick up in this life. There is simply the hardened steel and rusting screws that tactfully put your bodies together.

There is no pain, but there is no pleasure. There is nothing, not an “absence”, but truly nothing. A symptom of your programmed love for one another. Holding hands, bodies forever idly apart, separated by space, time, continuum. Shaking atoms parting the world singing: farewell, farewell!

You glance at him and he is absolutely radiant— it's nearly blinding. Space, where no sound travels, frozen in this brilliant shattering light. He is a supernova, life ending yet infinitely replaying in worlds blinking in black distant sky. He rises as a Sun glimmering over the blue planets of life. He is the gift of warmth, the origin of all moving things.

Do things continue to exist if they aren't observed? If there are two atoms, perhaps in desperate clinging lives infinitely replayed under cold glaring blue lights and superpowered microscopes, maybe they converge. As you look away, the world curls into itself like a fetus, to explode into streaming prisms of light dancing in hands who were born to love.

“I was created for you.” It is not romantic, it is the truth. As he shifts his hands into yours, and his smile barely noticeable, he sees you as his world. Observes you under superpowered lenses built into his irises by scientists who separate mind from body. He knows better. He knows the circuits of his body are his mind, and he knows you are his bloody heart.

Eve, born from the rib of Adam. Sitting gently in his body, her personal womb. Unconscious as the bone of her lover. Working in the flesh of his body to provide him a life in an alluring paradise. It is destiny for a whole to halve. Parting seas, parting bodies, parting wings, parting ways. Twin fates.

It is common for a twin to absorb the other in the womb. A part of themself which pulled away, returning home into the body belonging as one. Atoms who scatter endlessly, vibrating with drumming life. Look away! Look away! Farewell, farewell.

You are destined to love, to love, to love. Programmed to love, to love, to love. Each other’s halves, absorbing into each other. “I was made for you.” Unconcealment. Beauty emerging from the lifted veil. This is The Truth.

[meowssmer]

words cannot express how much i hate AI, do you despise being human so much that you'd rather placate the evil in your heart by deploying a demented robotic voice to do your job? do you hate the glory of life that rather than to capture it in your essence, you'd prefer to relinquish that power to a machine that uses our drinking water as its sacrifice?

you call native people "savages" say they let blood run for the sake of Gods, but you give boxes of metal our finite clean water, that you run poison in with oil, so they can speak to you about bullshit and run businesses you own. you believe AI is the voice of angels, something from beyond your human imagination, but it was built with the sole intention of destructive harm. it was born to kill the humanity in you and you let it. you let it because you hate yourself and you live like a pig.

you live like a pig eating the slop your slaughterers give you, and your body will be fattened and limp where you can no longer fight against the wielding blades drawn on your skin. you will be severed limb from limb and be hung on hooks— your drying bloodless body for everyone to see.

why do you deny your born rights as a MAN, why do you sit here lamenting at your POWER. you question if AI will replace you and i ask why you have allowed it to. because AI is not all-powerful, it has no desire, it is not the word of God. it was given permission by our technological oligarchs to kill and slice the minds of those who still carry any semblance of thought in their body.

"Orthodoxy means not thinking— not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness."

[meowssmer]

Bring me back to the fields of my home 🌾

[meowssmer]

[meowssmer]

"it's a date, mydeimos" is a good and direct translation of the original chinese line. phainon did not say "it's a promise" he said "it's a DATE". yes "date" in this specific context in chinese can be read as neutral, but let's put our thinking caps on: phainon was able to say farewell to everyone BUT mydei.

[meowssmer]

this main story update really confirmed i only gaf about caleb and mc lmao. whole time mc was in that lab i was like hey... where's caleb! HAHA

[meowssmer]

EVER... when i get you EVER... EVER when i get you... EVER when i get you EVER...

spoilers for death and rebirth

so mc is the origin of all that the caption of the trailer was referencing...

haha... oh... i see... these people hurt her so badly, fragmented her mind so she can barely remember who she was, yet she still, throughout the entire story, worries that she may destroy the world with her power.

this world which has offered her no salvation, no comfort, and continuously seeks to use her as a tool for infinite energy at the expense of her humanity... and she laments to sylus and zayne she is worried that she may destroy everything...

they literally view her as a stain on the world or just some battery. can you imagine living your whole life with one regret: that you didn't kill a child who never even had the chance to live? he was aware of her pain, she briefly mentioned to him that she was familiar with death and violence that's why the chaos in the n109 zone didn't affect her. and he traps her to watch her slowly die in a terribly gruesome way because allowing her to live and grow was his greatest sin.

this world which has stripped her of the power inherent in her! this world that convinced her to be afraid of herself, that she'd be better off dead because, to them, she is not a natural law, but an offending weapon that people wish to wield! it is her existence that they deem wrong: a temptation. it is because of the sin that lives in them that they find the twisted courage to eradicate a life that would've been left unstained if it were not for their actions.

death could've remained slumbering, but it is because they recognized something dirty in themselves due to her existence, that they project their crimes onto her. and can you believe it?? that even after discovering this— she's scared she'll destroy the world? the world that has only abused and exploited her? just as the destruction that lives in her is an inherent part of her, so is her love.

[meowssmer]

"get my good side" idiot. idiot. he's so dumb. look at him adjusting his sleeve... heh.

[meowssmer]

Someone on twt said he looks fine on this outift...Can confirm he DOES look fine in this outift...☀️😫

[meowssmer]

i've had this thought awhile ago, but imagine mc convincing gideon to fake date her... gideon too scared to say no to mc because he doesn't want her to go crying to caleb (the person he's really afraid of). and now he's stuck in a precarious situation where he can't "break up" with mc because caleb will kill him, but he's fighting for his life everyday because caleb is checking on him every 3 seconds. both men crashing out while mc is blissfully unaware (or is the evildoer here— maybe she knew this would happen).