merakiam - Tumblr blog

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pretty sexy of me to keep going despite each day being more unbearable than the last

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guilttripping // frnkiero and the cellabration

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when things are bad, i wear wear short skirts on the side of the highway and fantasize about nosediving into traffic. i tell my mother to stop calling me. i tell my best friend to stop bothering. i wait for boys to reach, hungry, and snarl when they do. i stay in the shower long after it gets cold and still don’t feel anything. i leave voicemails for every number on my blocked list, say things i know i shouldn’t be saying, hang up and block them again. i find myself in alleyways with strangers and cigarette smoke and then i disappear again. when it gets late enough, i imagine a future where i do not try to destroy myself this way, where i am whole while sober, beautiful without the boys i don’t want touching me anyway. but the truth is, girls with self-destruction in their bloodstreams don’t get the simple endings. we play midas and ruin everything we touch. we bleed and break and burn until there is nothing left.

- self-destruction || sarah kate o.

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Clap your hands if...

You’ve been self destructive and having existential crisis’s since a young age *clap* *clap*

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three cheers for sweet revenge // my chemical romance

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Concept: you’ve been married to your wife for 3 years. You wake up in your bed before she does, your nose cold but your body warm. Careful not to wake her, you get out of bed and your toes curl when your feet hit the cold floor. You brew a pot of coffee and take a cup, making sure to leave enough for her. You pull on a big sweater and walk out onto your deck, sitting in a big wood chair to look out over the forest. The leaves are orange and edged with frost. All is quiet as the sun rises over the trees. You hear the door opening behind you and your wife sits down next to you, wrapping the comforter from your bed around both of you shoulders. You sit there like that until the sun is well up and your coffee cups are empty.

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bungus

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hipster

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Ok but can we talk about how emo, as a genre, defied gender roles in a big way? Like, everything about the culture, from the guys wearing makeup and womens’ skinny jeans, to the way they got unabashedly emotional in spite of the “men aren’t supposed to cry” narrative they’d obviously been socialized with, was just this complete “fuck you” to the idea that there’s a certain way to be a “man”. 

And a lot of their detractors called them “girly” or “gay”. And they didn’t give a fuck! Fall Out Boy has a whole song entitled “Gay Is Not A Synonym for Shitty”, which referenced a famous Pete Wentz quote, where he basically said that if you thought his band sucked, to just say it sucked, and not be a “homophobic asshole” about it. 

And, then, geez, My Chemical Romance took it a step further, and Gerard Way outright kissed one of his bandmates at concerts purely to infuriate homophobes who were at his shows.

 A lot of these bands were openly for LGBT rights, for womens’ rights. I remember one instance where some band MCR was touring with asked women to flash their tits in exchange for backstage passes. And Gerard was so horrified by this, and told his female fans to “spit in the faces” of misogynists in the rock scene. 

Like, god, these bands were so progressive. And they still are. Right after the Pulse tragedy, Brendon Urie literally danced around in a pride flag and told his queer fans what they meant to him. Pete Wentz said that “Uma Thurman” was meant to show his female fans that they could be “badass”, too. And Gerard pretty much admitted in an interview to somewhat identifying with the label “nonbinary”. 

That’s the most lasting impact that emo is going to have. Showing fans of all genders that there’s nothing wrong with being whoever the fuck you are, that there’s no specific way to be a man or woman. And, god, I just fucking love that. 

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Goodnight // Seahaven

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Call me and stay on the line with me. I’d be happy to just hear you breathing

3 am thoughts (via suspend)

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