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[mercenarymouthpiece]

“I feel like any college that’s going to offer demonology is not going to hold up to your strict moral code. Or no one will shave their armpits.” Wade shudders dramatically. Hairy pits were the worst, male or female.

@mercenarymouthpiece

            “You know what would’ve been REALLY helpful in college? Budgeting classes. And maybe demonology. Latin …” Anything more than the business classes she’d taken, honestly. “Didn’t get my money’s worth.”

[mercenarymouthpiece]

spiderlingman:

“He made me spill my coffee.” He’s also a sick pedophile with sausage fingers and way too much money to draw the right kind of (federal) attention.

So, he got Peter’s.

“God, you are just the pinnacle of the crazy to hot ratio.” Fucking yikes, he’s pretty sure he just heard a nut pop. 

[mercenarymouthpiece]

Eat her pussy like her ex is watching

[mercenarymouthpiece]

[mercenarymouthpiece]

Who said I wanted easy? I don’t crave easy. I crave goddamn difficult. It’s a problem. (Weasel)

Milk and Honey Sentence Meme: (Accepting)

“No shit, mooseknuckle.”

This is supposed to be a Conversation. One of those with capital letters and everything. Wade knows that, because he’s the one that started the damn thing. By slamming Weasel up against the bar just after closing time, blood still under his fingernails and his pulse racing in his ears. 

He’s always been good at killing people. Uncle Sam made sure of that. But this was different...this was killing douchebags who deserved to die. 

Made a guy not feel so guilty about enjoying the rush. 

But now that he’s got Weasel, the unflappable motherfucker himself to break enough to even say the words? Wade wants nothing more than to get the hell out of Dodge. 

“Look at your job. You deal with drunk murderers and scumbags all day. And that’s without all the gun running. If that doesn’t scream ‘I like a challenge’ then nothing will.”

Except for the fact that he let a psycho scumbag like Wade keep crawling into his bed. And threatening to chain him to radiators. 

Wade can feel his pulse in the tips of his fingers where they’re pressed against the bar, and he can feel it in his gums, which is weird. But then again, so is focusing on minute details instead of having the goddamned conversation he started.

“You’ve got a hard on for lost causes, we’ve got it.”

[mercenarymouthpiece]

mosteffectiveagent:

         ❝ There’s a way to grapefruit without sounding like a cascading waterfall. ❞ This? Not exactly the conversation he thought he would be having, but — it’s an important matter that deserves discussion, probably. ❝ Unless, of course, you aim to sound like that. In which case, I can’t say I’m very supportive. ❞

        The magazine is closed and set aside, and he laces his fingers over his lap neatly, watching Wade with an arch of a brow.

         ❝ I think a collector’s watch might do you well. Your inventory is depressing. ❞

“The last watch I had came out of a Happy Meal, Caped Crusader.”

Look, the resemblance is there, and he’s not letting it go. It’s not every day that a Grade A kleptomaniac just happens to bear a striking resemblance to the fucking picture of goodness in the world. 

“Alright, I’ll bite.” He even snaps his teeth closed, loud enough to be audible. 

“How do you grapefruit a man without sounding like you’re summoning your lord Satan in the act?”

[mercenarymouthpiece]

So I called Weasel and he said you’d already left a couple of hours ago. Where were you for those couple hours? (black widow)

Milk and Honey Sentence Meme: (Accepting)

“Listen...”

Half of him thinks he doesn’t have to explain anyway. Petey Pie here was quite the stalker when he wanted to be. And if he was asking, it was probably just to tighten the noose around Wade’s neck. 

Not that he needs any help with that today, thanks a lot karma, you cocksucker. 

He hands over the crumpled sheet with the test results, fingers twitching with want of something to do, now that it’s out of his hands. (Physically and mentally. He’s killing it metaphor style today.)

“Don’t tell him. It doesn’t change anything, and all it’ll do is freak him out.”

[mercenarymouthpiece]

Who cares if you’re sorry? We’re still screwed! Be sorry about this stuff before you do it, then DON’T DO IT!

Community Sentence Meme: (Accepting)

“Listen, Tonya Harding! If you have a better idea, I’m all ears!”

Because right now, their only option is to stay on the floor and not get fucking shot. 

[mercenarymouthpiece]

allpurposebogeyman:

@mercenarymouthpiece from this

Look, the gun is annoying and he’s getting blood all over his second-best murdering shirt, but Rod knows how to identify the important part of a conversation when he hears it.

“–Heelys, really? Where’d you find them in real sizes?”

“China.” He shakes his head in wonder. “You gotta give it to those little bootlegging bastards, they know their market.”

[mercenarymouthpiece]

"My rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption."

Community Sentence Meme: (Accepting)

“...man I hit my head harder than I thought.”

Does it count as seeing double if you’re seeing another of yourself? Or was it just fucking crazy?

[mercenarymouthpiece]

❛ milk & honey ❜ redux | part two

Rupi Kaur (born 5 October 1992) is a Canadian poet, writer, illustrator and performer. She published a book of poetry and prose entitled milk and honeyin 2015. The book deals with themes of violence, abuse, love, loss, and femininity. milk and honey has sold over a million copies, reaching #1 and spending over a year on the New York Times bestsellers list. (source)

There is another Milk & Honey sentence meme going around in the rpc, but I decided to break out my copy and give it a shot. This will be split up into three or four (or more?) parts just like the book.

Feel free to rephrase and change pronouns/words to fit your muse/the situation. 

The Loving

The closest thing to God on this earth is a woman’s body.

The entire universe rested at my mother’s feet.

No, it won’t be love at first sight when we meet. It’ll be love at first remembrance.

Every revolution starts and ends with your lips. 

What am I to you?

You are every hope I’ve ever had in human form. 

My favorite thing about you is your smell. 

I know I should crumble for better reasons. 

But have you seen the boy? He brings the sun to its knees every night. 

You are the faint line between faith and blindly waiting. 

Nothing is safer than the sound of you reading out loud to me. 

I am learning how to love him by loving myself. 

I am sorry I am not an easy person to want. 

Who said I wanted easy? I don’t crave easy. I crave goddamn difficult. 

I am ready for you. I have always been ready for you. 

I do not want to have you to fill the empty parts of me. 

I want to be full on my own. I want to be so complete I could light a whole city and then I want to have you. 

The truth is you make my tongue so weak it forgets what language to speak in. 

What drives you crazy? What keeps you up at night? 

So that’s what you do. You command attention. 

You might not have been my first love, but you were the love that made all the other loves irrelevant. 

You’ve touched me without even touching me. 

How do you turn a forest fire like me so soft I turn into running water? 

You look like you smell of honey and no pain. 

Let me have a taste of that. 

You look like you smell of honey and no pain. Let me have a taste of that.

You talk too much. 

I can think of better ways to use that mouth. 

You talk too much. I can think of better ways to use that mouth.

It’s your voice that undresses me. 

On days like this I need you to run your fingers through my hair and speak softly. 

I want your hands to hold—not my hands. Your kiss to kiss—not my lips. But other places. 

I need someone who knows how to struggle as well as I do. Someone willing to hold my feet in their lap on days it is too difficult to stand. 

Make those pretty little fingers dance for me. 

We’re like fingers on thorns, honey. We know exactly where it hurts. 

So I called work and they said you’d already left a couple of hours ago. Where were you for those couple hours? 

I know. I know your excuses make all the sense in the world. 

I love you so much. I’m sorry I thought you were lying. 

Kiss me like I’m the center point of gravity. 

[mercenarymouthpiece]

“Did you even eat dinner, or did you go straight to the bon bons, Sheila?” He tsks, shaking his head. Last he checked, Wade didn’t have anything worth stealing, since he kept his shiny little arsenal at Weasel’s place. 

“Does that one show you how to grapefruit? I can’t ever get the sound right.” Wade nods towards the magazine in Solo’s hands.

         ❝ —— Welcome back. ❞ Well — at least he’s made himself right at home. His attention is back on the magazine soon enough.

@mercenarymouthpiece        /        starter call !

[mercenarymouthpiece]

You keep a list of everyone based on how good-looking they are? (616)

Community Sentence Meme: (Accepting)

“Uh, yeah.”

A scoff. Don’t be ridiculous, Spider-Pants. The Deadpool Doin’ It List was no laughing matter. 

“Top ten is cutthroat.”

Spidey has even dropped so low as five, on a week where Domino’s hair looked amazing. 

[mercenarymouthpiece]

whcwashe replied to your post: It’s called a stress headache. I got my first one...

I feel like wade is probably perfect company tbh, at least she wouldn’t have to worry about anything killing him

It’s like being friends with the Ghost Adventures guy

[mercenarymouthpiece]

It’s called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.

Community Sentence Meme: (Accepting)

“You see fucking ghosts. If anyone is allowed to take a few mental health days, it’s you.”

[mercenarymouthpiece]

“No no, its fine, it’s fine. It’s just little a nose bleed. I get ‘em when it’s dry and when my face gets kicked. “

Community Sentence Meme: (Accepting)

“Damn that arid Moroccan climate.” 

He’s not lowering his gun though, sorry sweetcheeks. “And also my size twelve Heelys.”

[mercenarymouthpiece]

COMMUNITY ( S1) SENTENCE STARTERS

We can sympathize with a pencil, we can forgive a shark, and we can give Ben Affleck an Academy Award for screenwriting. 

It’s clear to all of you that I am awesome, but I can never admit that because that would make me an ass.

It’s the two week anniversary of my horrible first impression.

I figured we were more like Chandler and Phoebe; they never really had stories together. …Sure, I’ll do a Chandler.

The only difference between Señor Chang and Stalin is that I know who Señor Chang is.

Oh, shut your pompous vortex of overlapping fangs!

Watching. Lurking. Running. Jumping. Hurtling. Sleeping. No, I can’t sleep. You sleep. I’m awake. I don’t sleep. I don’t blink. Am I bird? No. I’m a bat. I am Batman. Or am I? Yes, I am Batman.

Candy corn looks like tiny traffic cones.

Like a little gingerbread man at the wheel. And he’s drunk!

It’s cool to know other people think about this stuff, too.

You can do whatever you want, you just have to know what that is. For me, it’s Lucky Charms and TV.

I’m going to assume that’s sarcasm.

I’m barely listening now.

It’s called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.

Psh, yeah, you look like you would have to. I’m not surprised you said that.

Some mysteries solve themselves, don’t they?

No no, its fine, it’s fine. It’s just little a nose bleed. I get ‘em when it’s dry and when my face gets kicked.

You keep a list of everyone based on how good-looking they are?

But, remember, Cupid’s face is magic marker on nylon, so love is not only blind but also dizzy and a little belligerent.

Yep. Meryl Streep has two Oscars because of her baking. Ah, that’s sarcasm, but I forgot to inflect. This sounds way more like sarcasm. Inflection is so interesting.

So you’re familiar with two sins… how about a third?

The truth is lots of girls like me because, let’s face it, I’m pretty adorable, and, uh, my aloofness unconsciously reminds them of their fathers, so… I’m more used to them approaching me.

I’ve got self-esteem falling out of my butt. That’s why I was willing to change for you guys. When you really know who you are and what you like about yourself, changing for other people isn’t such a big deal.

Disappointing you is like choking the little mermaid with a bike chain.

Anyone can be a lawyer. You can even represent yourself. You can’t do surgery on yourself. It’s illegal. You’d get arrested, and then you’d get a free lawyer.

If it was cool to eat God, he’d be a chicken finger. 

Well, excuse me for trying to sneak you into heaven!

You want my advice, pork her and move on. It’s what we did back in my day.

Now she is going to make the Disney face. Her lip is going to quiver and her eyes will flutter but they won’t ever actually close but do not feel sorry for her!

Who cares if you’re sorry? We’re still screwed! Be sorry about this stuff before you do it, then DON’T DO IT!

So, do you try to evolve? Or do you try to know what you are?