mercyoncanvas

[mercyoncanvas]

I wanna do the Don’t Rush Challenge but, I would literally just be me changing into several outfits and I don’t know how to do that many transitions on Tik Tok. And at this point I’m too afraid to as the Gen Zers for guidance. So Castleport c/o 2000 and incoherent mumble because I refuse to acknowledge us getting this old, who’s  down to try?

[mercyoncanvas]

text message ➡️ open

tana: you and your intrigue can find another impeccably microwaved bowl of pasta to judge elsewhere with all that 'that's sad san'.

[....]

tana: you chief and stress eat with far-star takeout?

mercy: I ain't mean to hit you with that "das sad"

mercy: it was only a lil sad 🤧

mercy: actually nope. just stress eat and a lifetime biopic with not trash singing.

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marleysmontage‌:

Don’t worry - if Ja Rule comes anywhere near us I’ll take him down. I can be scary when I want to be. Okay, one dog for now. I hope you know I’m dead serious. We’ll be the coolest dog moms!

Cute and scrappy. The true makings of an early 00′s star right there Marley. But what does constitute the coolest dog moms?

[mercyoncanvas]

text message ➡️ open

tana: I swear this strain I got is making a chef out of me.

tana: [sends photo of chicken alfredo]

tana: name brand sauce check. ✅

mercy: is that not ragu alfredo mix?

mercy: you got the fat bitch in me intrigued.

mercy: but smoking and chefing up pasta? damn that's kinda sad san 😬

[mercyoncanvas]

inkedsevans‌:

Might wanna put that order in ‘cause it never actually stopped. Nothing says doomed like a name tattoo of a person you had to win back through a TikTok dance, that’s how Shakespeare did it. 

I feel like you skipped a whole lotta damn steps in there Sam. So you’re telling me, folks aren’t singing on IG live anymore? They’re dancing on Tik Tok doing all 76 parts of the renegade? Wow.

[mercyoncanvas]

marleysmontage‌:

We’d become household names! We could buy whatever we want! Donate to charity! Adopt every dog from every shelter!

A film and food festival? We’d be goddesses among the mere mortals in the county. Although if Ja Rule if comes up to us trying to take it to the next level, we definitely gotta say no. Although we can adopt one dog from one shelter currently. That’s feasible for us. We’ll alternate weeks and weekends.

[mercyoncanvas]

You absolutely should. Trademark, get some food trucks from Portland in on it, and play a bunch of classics. Charge 10 a ticket, we’d make a killing.

Takeout and Tarkovsky - I should start to trademark themed film nights. If anyone needs me (or wants to watch a movie) this is where I’ll be until I’m absolutely forced to move.

[mercyoncanvas]

You know what... I wouldn’t be surprised if Lifetime did a movie based on our town first. I’ll be Macy from Castletown and it’ll be apart of the the September Movie Marathon about a bunch of angry youths who all do stupid things.

You know within the next few months Netflix is going to release either a documentary about Castleport, or a made for television movie. And to be honest, I don’t know which one is worse.

[mercyoncanvas]

I feel like I need someone to make me another pot of greens and black eyed peas for all the bad juju I just read. You mean to tell me, outside of the kids on the shade room, folks is still getting names tatted? 

Whenever I’m having a weird day at work I try to remember nothing will ever come close to the weirdness that was the time back in Boston when this guy insisted on getting his wife’s name…well let’s just say in a really…sensitive area. Really puts those complaints about tribal tats into perspective.

[mercyoncanvas]

You know, when you make statements like that I’m reminded of that statement that even broken clocks are right twice a day. Go run like the wind before someone important notices.

You don’t owe Castleport nothin’.

Honestly, more and more lately I wonder how easy it would be to leave Castleport again and never return. Then I’m reminded that the reason I returned is still at large and that thought is destroyed. 

[mercyoncanvas]

Along with the cute girl scouts outside of the rec center, I’ve set out my new piece a la Banksy. So if you see re-purposed cheese balls container outside the building with a large decorative R on the front, do me a favor and drop a couple of coins along with what you think the R stands for.

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teecohenc‌:

Hey, I never said anything about roguish men. I think you’re projecting just a little bit. Besides, if I did, you know you’d be the first to know. 

I might be projecting... just a little. Want me to call some of the roguish boys I know? Well the ones from out of town.

[mercyoncanvas]

txt msg. 📱 mercedes ⇆ santana

tana: box wine taste better than zero notifications, just saying.

tana: how old is she? is she old and corny so I need to go to facebook to see hide my chin angles with heart stickers on the photo, or young and corny, so instagram to see there piss-yellow filters. I'm just trying to see something.

cedes: is santana lopez telling me she knows the taste of zero notifications? damn that's a day I never thought I'd see coming.

cedes: girl don't get actually sent to the state pen trying to fight 'I haven't accepted that I'm 55 so I still have all my titties out for the men of Castleport on Facebook" Susan Porter. You don't deserve that bossip headline.

[mercyoncanvas]

Well damn, here’s to hoping you stay in the game that long? But who cares because you could very well, live well with your free postmates for life.

So crazy Eli is gonna retire after this season, but it’s an honor to play with him in his last season. Dude has a fuck ton of wisdom and pointers, but the game won’t be the same without his spirit. On a lighter note, I apparently just got a deal with postmates for free deliveries for life so…must use that power for good and not for gaining midnight ice cream weight. It’s an uphill battle, but I intended on beating it.

[mercyoncanvas]

[mercyoncanvas]

teecohenc‌:

I think I could do that. Hey, what do you mean concerned? 

Who are these roguish men who are helping you get some alone time? And how have I never met them?

[mercyoncanvas]

basicallybree‌:

That’s exactly what I’m going for, yes. If I manage to find out the secret, I will be sure to let you know.

If I could just get a quarter of the knee strength of Megan Thee Stallion, I think that’d be enough Oprah power for me.