meredithmarlow

[meredithmarlow]

Computing, 1973. From the Budapest Municipal Photography Company archive. 

[meredithmarlow]

[meredithmarlow]

Happy Halloween

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Tania Raymonde

[meredithmarlow]

Tania Raymonde

[meredithmarlow]

Tania Raymonde

[meredithmarlow]

Tania Raymonde

[meredithmarlow]

tania raymonde

[meredithmarlow]

[meredithmarlow]

Tania Raymonde

[meredithmarlow]

[meredithmarlow]

Once the judge declared us married, the rest of the night was a bit of a blur. I remember our first kiss as a couple. Something I made sure to perfect throughout the rest of the evening. The food was delicious. Lyla was a big fan of the grilled cheese bar. Everyone loved the cake, too.

Alec and Nikki were taking Lyla home with them for a few days, so they left early when it was clear our little girl was getting tired. Not long after, Meri decided to call it a night. It had been a long day for her. Meri was staying at the hotel until Monday like Nate and Peyton as well as Jordan and Sean were. We spent the rest of the night dancing and laughing. It was an absolutely perfect wedding.

[meredithmarlow]

Our wedding day was finally here! The hotel was all ours for the weekend. Each of the rooms was reserved for our guests, and the honeymoon suite was set aside for us. The courtyard was like a secret garden. Private, romantic and lush. The fountain provided perfect background music. There were less than a dozen of us, but it was exactly what we wanted.

I swear I stopped breathing when I saw Scar in her gown. Was it possible to be jealous of the way a gown hugged the curves of the woman you loved? If so, I was there. I think she approved of my slinkier gown as well. At least the way her eyes started to tear up made me think so. Our sweet Lyla was like a sugar plum fairy in her flower girl dress. She twirled so much we thought she was going to make herself sick.

Once the three of us were ready, we made our way downstairs. There was nothing traditional about our relationship or our family. Instead of having someone walk us down the aisle, we were entering from either side then meeting in the middle to walk hand in hand towards the judge and our guests. We weren’t being given away. We were coming together.

We crouched down on either side of Lyla and told her how much we loved her. After making sure our rings were snug in her little basket, we each gave her a kiss and directed her to walk towards Aunt Nikki and Uncle Alec. After one more twirl, she was off on her way giggling. Now it was showtime!

[meredithmarlow]

[meredithmarlow]

Unexpected Pain ~ @EmmelineJaymes @SydMarlow

It was harder and harder to ignore the pregnancy lately. My clothes were too tight, especially my bras. I was grateful to my sister’s fiancée for slipping two bags of maternity clothes into my car when I left their place a couple weeks ago. I was able to order a few bras online. Better than dealing with well-meaning sales people gushing over a baby I had no intention of keeping.

At least my ex had quickly signed away his parental rights and wouldn't be standing in the way of any adoption. Small miracle. I had already talked to a social worker too. Syd gave me the name of one who had worked with her clinic several times in the past. I was trying to keep Syd out of it. Not because she asked me to, but because I was worried about her getting too attached to this baby.

She had offered to take care of me, but again I was afraid she'd get too attached. I got into this mess on my own. I needed to fix it myself as well. I really should have gone to the clinic and another midwife sooner, but I didn't. No time like the present, right? I pulled into a parking space and headed inside to my appointment. I didn't pick a midwife or doctor. But at least I was here.

----------------------- Maria let me know my next appointment was here. I took my clipboard and went out to the waiting room to meet Meredith. A nervous young woman with a mass of curly dark hair looked up when I walked in. “Meredith?” She nodded and followed me to one of the exam rooms. “My name is Emmeline Jaymes. You can call me Emme. Please have a seat. Chair or bed. Wherever you're more comfortable,” I smiled as I closed the door behind us. She took a seat on the bed glancing nervously around the room.

“Is this your first time here?” She nodded and cleared her throat. “My..um...my half-sister works here. Sydney?” Now I knew why her last name seemed familiar. “Of course. She's a terrific midwife.” Meredith nodded with a brief smile before flinching and rubbing her side. “Something wrong, Meredith?” I set the clipboard aside and approached her. “Just a stomach ache I think.”

Usually, I liked to talk to my patients and get to know them a little before examining them, but Meredith wasn't a typical patient. She was the sister of a friend and colleague. She was also giving this child up for adoption. It was already in her file. “Where does it hurt?” She gestured to her lower abdomen first on one side, then on the other. “Can you lie back for me?” I adjusted a pillow behind her head. “Try to relax. I know it's not easy.” I gave her a reassuring smile and started to explain everything I was doing. ------------ Emme was kind. She didn't seem to judge me or look down at me. It helped. My sister seemed to work with good people. We were just starting to talk when I began to get another pain in my stomach. I had a couple earlier today. I figured I had slept funny or pulled a muscle lifting something. But it was really starting to hurt. Emme asked me to try to relax. I was trying. I closed my eyes as she took my pulse and my blood pressure. Then she started to poke at my stomach.

Shit! A sharp cramp shot through me and before I could stop myself, I was curled on my side clutching at my stomach. “It hurts. It really hurts,” I whimpered. She brushed the hair from my face and kept her voice low. “Take a deep breath, Meredith. Breathe, honey.” Easier said than done. I tried. I did, but it hurt so much. She tried rubbing my back and letting me squeeze her hand. The pain eventually started to let up. Not a lot, but enough to let me catch my breath. ----------- She was scared. I could feel it when she squeezed my hand. I couldn't do much but try to keep her calm and make her more comfortable. Once it seemed to let up, I moved quickly to palpate her abdomen and exam her for any indication that this was preterm labor. When I took her hand a few moments ago, I could tell she was a little dehydrated. I was hoping it was nothing more serious than that and possibly ligament pain.

Although she said the pain was a little better, she wouldn't uncurl from a semi-fetal position. “Meredith, the good news is you are not dilating. You are not in preterm labor, honey. I do think you're dehydrated in this heat. It's likely what you're experiencing is called round ligament pain.” I got her a bottle of water and helped her take a few drinks while I explained what that meant. ------------------ My blood pressure was a little high. No surprise really. But this pain? Man, it sucked. In my head, I think I understood everything Emme was telling me. My emotions were all over the place though. Especially when she said she wanted to start me on an IV and possibly keep me overnight. I freaked. Everything felt like it was hitting me at once, and I couldn't stop crying. Ugly crying. Poor Emme did her best to try to calm me down and comfort me, but I wanted my sister. When I started to get hiccups, she offered to call Syd for me. I nodded and tried to catch my breath. “I’ll be right back, honey. Try to drink some water.” -------------------- I had just finished a home visit with one of my moms who had given birth recently when Emme called me. Luckily I was in my car but not actually driving. When Emme explained that Meri was in pain and asking for me, I didn't even let her finish. I told her I was on my way and ended the call.

It was only a ten-minute drive, but it felt like it took hours. I parked in a staff spot around back and hurried to the exam room knocking before walking in. My heart broke when I saw my sister curled on her side trying so hard not to cry anymore. “Hey, Mer,” I practically whispered after mouthing a thank you to Emme who stepped out to give us a minute alone. She sniffled and reached a hand out to me while keeping her other hand on her stomach. She had a noticeable baby bump now. There was no denying it.

I walked over and took her hand before carefully lying beside her on the bed and wrapping my other arm around her. “Shhhh. I’m here. I’ve got you.” She buried her face in my chest and trembled as I gently rocked her, trying to get her to calm down. “I….I thought the baby…..” She trailed off unable to catch her breath. “It’s okay, Mer. It’s okay. Try to slow your breathing.” The sooner I could calm her down, the sooner Emme could get the IV started. She should start to feel better after that. At least I hoped so. ------------------- A few minutes had passed, and I had everything ready for the IV. I quietly walked in and set the supplies up on a tray near the bed. Syd was gently rocking her half-sister who was finally calming down. I caught her eye and motioned to the IV bag. She nodded and whispered something to Meredith before handing her some tissues. I found a washcloth and soaked it in cold water, wringing it out before moving to Meredith’s other side. “Meredith, I’d like to get that IV started. Is that ok?” She turned towards me with a quiet “sure” before letting go of Syd so her half-sister could get up from the bed. I smiled softly and smoothed Meredith’s hair from her face before laying the cool cloth on her forehead. Syd pulled a stool over and sat close to Meredith taking her hand and distracting her while I got the IV in place and taped. “All set. You should start to feel a cool sensation as the fluids hit your system. I’ll get you a blanket, so you don’t catch a chill.” ----------------------- I squeezed Syd’s hand as Emme inserted the needle. It only hurt briefly, but right now everything felt exaggerated. I don’t know how else to describe it. The cold washcloth helped me catch my breath. It felt good. I hated feeling like I was losing control or out of control. That’s all I had felt since I found out I was pregnant. Emme was right. I did start to feel something cool and not unpleasant as the IV began to work. It distracted me from the painful cramping. Enough so I could close my eyes without squeezing them shut. I was so tired all of a sudden. The cool washcloth. The cool sensation in my arm. Syd’s thumb rubbing the back of my hand. So tired. -------------------- I swear I felt like I didn’t breath until I saw her fall asleep. And I did see it. Every part of her visibly relaxed and let go. No idea how long it had been since she’d slept well. Mer had been keeping to herself since moving out, and I was afraid to push her away by being too intrusive in her life. Seeing her sob like she had been took me back to our childhood. Before our parents tried their best to keep us separated. When she was really little, it was me she turned to when she had nightmares or was sick, not her mom. Not when I was visiting at least. I didn’t even think before lying beside her. I just did like I used to when she was little. I gave Emme a grateful smile as she covered Mer up with a blanket. I had a feeling she’d sleep for quite a while now. Hopefully, the fluids would help alleviate the pain.  I tucked Mer’s hand under the blanket and moved to the other side of the room to talk to Emme. I asked her if she could stay with my sister for a little while. I needed to update my notes on my other patient and let Scar know that I might not be home until tomorrow. If Meri was staying overnight, so was I.

[meredithmarlow]

Out on My Own

The last few weeks had been pretty miserable. Morning sickness can last all day. Who knew? I spent most of my time in my sister's guest room living on ginger ale and crackers. She offered to give me some medicine for it, but I rarely take anything for a headache. I didn't want to start now. Syd and her fiancée Scarlet had been great and so patient. But I needed to find my own place. At least for the next year or so. After that? No idea. I had lucked out with a furnished one bedroom French Quarter unit not too far from my sister. Wasn't sure how well I could handle the stairs to the bedroom when I was closer to my due date, but the couch was a sofa bed so that could work. Beyond that my needs were pretty simple. Just a place to plug in my Mac and get connected to the internet. I could work just about anywhere. Now that I had a place of my own, and I could be away from a bathroom for more than thirty minutes at a time, I needed to figure out what I was going to do. My jeans were getting tight. Scarlet had slipped a couple bags of her maternity clothes into my car without saying a word. She also taught me how to use a rubber band or shoelace to make my jeans fit a little longer. I'm not sure how I would ever thank her. I meant it when I told Syd I didn't want kids. I couldn't keep this baby. Adoption was the natural solution. The only real solution. Now I just had to figure out how to go about that. But first time to get some food in this place. Even if I didn't get to eat too often.

[meredithmarlow]

*laughs* Thanks, Syd!

Happy Birthday, @MeriMarlow!

Love you!