mereiversio

[mereiversio]

make my muse uncomfortable:

Send me a symbol, and my muse will answer with the name and URL of another muse here on Tumblr:

☆- Who would you most like to punch in the face? ☂- Who would you most like to get stuck in the rain with? ❖- Who would you most like to send to jail? ✌- Who would you most like to go to jail with? ☭- Who would you most like to be a permanent roommate of? ♘- Who’s children would you most like to have? ♠- Who would you most like to make out with? ♖- Who would you most like to make love to? ♛- Who would you most like to fuck? ⚉- Who would you most like to get married to? ♦- Who would you most like to go on a two month roadtrip with? ♗- Who’s the sexiest person you know? ♝- Who’s the most intelligent person you know? ♤- Who has the best butt out of everyone you know?

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It was Eurydice who finally made them go. That said - in her own way - that if Merei wanted to keep secrets there was nothing inconspicuous about being curled up in bed with hands over their ears waiting for the pain to stop.

It had begun the moment they stepped foot on Eadu. A faint ringing sound in their airs that could have been the echoes of the ship, but began to rise as they traversed through the halls of the facility. In the beginning, before everything had fallen apart, they had considered asking if anyone felt the same way. On the way back to Yavin IV it felt better that they hadn’t.

By then Merei already knew the answer.

They regretted going to the Medbay as soon as they walked through the door. It wasn’t a competition, but the minute they saw Atticus it all felt trivial. Everything that had happened on Eadu was nothing compared to whatever he had faced. If anything they wanted to help. “I had this headache that’s kept me up all night.” Merei had pressed their palm into their eyes until the discoloration around them looked faded and rubbed at their face until their expression seemed more composed. If there were any remnants of before it was best Atticus didn’t notice it. “But it’s really nothing. I can come back later.”

DATE & TIME: 1/17, 9:30AM LOCATION: Medbay, Rebel Base TAG: OPEN

Exhaustion and grief both roll off of him in waves, spreading into a cesspool made of only what haunted dreams can create, night terrors when he is still awake, voices of the mind, whispering, begging for the turn of his head just to scratch at the place behind his eyes.  That’s not all there is to his person, besides the bags under his eyes, there’s a limp in his step that has been there long before the trip to Coruscant, but the night didn’t help with not agitating the old injury, pain in his step. The cane he left in the ship now at his side. Upon arrival, his plans are to speak to no one, to keep his head down, to be nothing more than shadow, but this doesn’t take away the softness of his voice when his attention turns to the newcomer in the medbay, the offices already in full swing for the day, “Are you here to see one of us?” The doctors.

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5. rishla, fein, jezha

kill: jezhabetray: rishlahave on your zombie apocalypse team: fein

Send me three names + a number

@jezhamaghrsal @ilesar @feinkomo

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2. xavis, orion, khadis

marry: orioncuddle: xavissleep with: khadis

Send me three names + a number

@accessdecried @ecroixx @khadisshrike

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6. the knights

seduce: myrsteal from: mathias ( to see if they could ) atticusserenade: orion

Send me three names + a number

@myrastar @knighthimself @atticusprior @accessdecried

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Send me three names + a number...

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I started wishing on the stars in the sky instead I said to the sun tell me about the Big Bang The sun said, ‘It hurts to become.'  — Andrea Gibson 

► GENERAL INFORMATION

FULL NAME: Merei Versio NICKNAME(S): M. Superstar.  AGE: Twenty-eight GENDER: Nonbinary HERITAGE: Mirialan JEDI RANK: Unranked. LIGHTSABER: N/A OCCUPATION: Cryptologist SEXUALITY: Lesbian

► APPEARANCE

FACE CLAIM: Nikohl Boosheri HEIGHT: 5′3″ BUILD: ballerina/gymnastic physique DOMINANT HAND: Left HAIR COLOR: Black EYE COLOR: Grey DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: two small black circle under eyes  ( tattoo ) dimples on both cheeks port wine stain on left shoulder blade faded red scar around right wrist healed scabs under both elbows

► BACKGROUND

HOMEPLANET: Mirial CURRENT RESIDENCE: Yavin IV. FAMILIAL CONNECTIONS: Mother: Deerea Versio ( alive ) Father: Janus Versio ( alive )

OTHER CONNECTIONS: Asriel Lyn (combat trainer, alive) The Chamberlain’s Men: Theater Troupe ( active )

► EXTRA INFORMATION

MYER-BRIGGS: ENFP ENNEAGRAM: Type 4. TEMPERAMENT: Sanguine   MORAL ALIGNMENT: Neutral Good SIN: Envy VIRTUE: Temperance ELEMENT: Water HOGWARTS HOUSE: Ravenclaw ► THINGS DONE:

Broken a bone | Gotten stitches | Had a near-death experience | Invented something | Been hungover | Kissed someone | Slow danced | Been in a long-term relationship | Had sex | Had sex and regretted it | Had a one-night stand | Had a threesome | Experimented with their sexuality | Had a kid | Gotten married | Self-harmed | Been in a play | Received an inheritance | Been in a ship wreck | Lost a loved one | Been dumped | Dumped someone | Smoked | Gotten high | Been slipped something in their food/drink | Won a contest | Won an election | Joined a sports team | Gone skydiving | Gone hunting | Been in a band | Had a job | Been fired | Been in a wedding party | Owned a pet | Seen a ghost | Skipped class/work | Learned an instrument | Gotten a noticeable scar | Sued someone | Been robbed | Been mugged | Been kidnapped | Been sexually assaulted | Been brainwashed/hypnotized | Gone more than one day without eating | Had a recurring nightmare| Been bullied | Bullied someone | Seen someone die | Attempted suicide | Been tied/chained up | Shot someone | Stabbed someone | Saved someone’s life | Cheated on someone | Been cheated on | Been betrayed | Been in a fight | Been arrested | Been to a funeral | Had surgery | Broken someone’s trust | Gotten a tattoo | Used a fake name | Been tortured | Been abused | Been blackmailed | Had an attempt on their life | Gotten away with a crime | Gone on a road trip | Been in love

► HABITS:

nail biting | throat clearing | lying | interrupting | chewing the ends of pens | smoking | swearing |knuckle cracking | thumb sucking | muttering under their breath | talking to themselves | nose picking | binge drinking | oversleeping | snacking between meals | skipping meals | picking at skin | impulse buying | talking with their mouth full | humming/singing to themselves | chewing gum | leg jiggling | foot tapping | hair twirling | whistling | eye rolling | licking lips | sniffing | squinting | rubbing hands together | jaw clenching | gesturing while talking | putting feet up on tables | tucking hair behind ears | chewing lips | crossing arms over chest | putting hands on hips | rubbing the back or their neck | being late | procrastinating | doodling | shredding paper | peeling off bottle labels | forgetfulness | running hands through hair | overreacting | teeth grinding | nostril flaring | slouching | pacing | drumming fingers | fist clenching | pinching bridge of nose | rubbing temples | rolling shoulders

► KNOWS HOW TO:

bake a cake from scratch | ride a horse | pilot | speak a second language | dance | catch a fish | play an instrument | throw a punch | build a deck | ice skate | unclog a drain | program a computer| change a flat tire | fire a gun | sew | juggle | play poker | paint | fly a kite | draw | write poetry | change a diaper | sing | shoot a bow and arrow | ride a bike | swim | sail a boat | do a back flip | play chess | give CPR | pitch a tent | flirt | stitch a wound | write in cursive | use an electric drill | braid hair | make a campfire | make a mixed drink | wrap a gift | jump-start a car | roll their tongue | do yoga | tie a tie | skip a rock | shuffle a deck of cards | read Morse code | pick a lock

[mereiversio]

“I would go as far to say that Karen is fascinated by Frank Castle and what he means and what he represents, because in some ways he represents her.” -  Deborah Ann Woll

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AND KNEELING AT THE EDGE OF THE TRANSPARENT SEA I SHALL SHAPE FOR MYSELF A NEW HEART FROM SALT AND MUD

Anne Carson, The Beauty of the Husband

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ecroixx‌:

he’s afraid. he can feel it washed through skin and pressed in, needle-injections racing through bloodstreams; thick and heavy with it. it feels both too hot and too cold when he sees the dark figures, when he sees noa fighting, when he stands still and does nothing, nothing, nothing -

- sees fein try to jump in, and moves out of instinct. hands clasp around forearms, pulls him back for selfish reasons. always selfish, childish, stupid.

needs a grounding. needs a lack of blood, needs something to hold onto to feel like he still can, needs to know that he can stop something from leaving him for the sake of him protecting him again. 

(what a train, trainwreck they make of trying to prevent what regrets plague them from happening all over again) 

and xavis is not above begging. 

“please.” he says, pulling him towards safety, eyes pleading. tries no to flinch too hard at how fein’s words feels like an animal-bite; untamed with too much teeth. tries to ignore how things you hold close will always be things belonging more to the wild than you. tries to ignore how things are meant to be pried away from you, with time. 

“she’ll be - they’ll be fine, fein. they both will. i promise. i promise, but i - we can’t guarantee the same. i can’t. please, let’s just go - this isn’t our battle, please - “ 

try to swallow the bitter taste of why you hold him back for selfish, cowardly reasons. 

A glimpse of the acolytes’ robes was enough to bring Merei to a halt. The Empire loved that shade of red. Everything was either as dark as the void or dyed in the blood of the people they killed. 

When they get back to Yavin IV they will say that catalyst for everything was the result of thinking of logically. That they were self-aware enough to know their strength and weakness. In the moment Merei was half turned away before they got the order to retreat. The instinct that drove the others forward drew them away.

They crashed into Fein accidentally, but the look in his eyes made it purposeful. The same thing that called him forward was the reason they didn’t look back. He was a foot taller, but they pushed all their weight into him. Maybe if they pushed and pulled together Merei and Xavis could bring down a tower .“Fein, listen to him. We need to leave.”

They had begged and pleaded long enough to learn that the voice of beggars always fell on deaf ears. The fear in their eyes masked by the sternness of their tone. Merei had just gotten him - gotten all of them - it was too soon to let go. 

They looked back and forth between Xavin and Fein and said “Trust me.”

[mereiversio]

PLOTTING CALL: CRYSTALIZE

Before:

There has to be someone way to stop the broadcasts and they won’t stop until they figure it out. 

Maybe that’s why Merei steps outside the comfort of the command center. There came a point where one had to accept that something needed to be done other than stare at numbers until their brain and do handstands to make the blood rush back to it. 

They say “I’ll go,” as if they are born for this.

In the hours before they leave they seek some guidance from anyone who can give it. There can be anything waiting for them Eadu.

During:

On the ride to Eadu Merei sits doing their best to curl into themselves and takes in every story that anyone is willing to share. Nobody is more intrigued about legends of the past than them. But they are first and foremost a storyteller, prefers the back and forth of conversations to silence. “I heard a rumour….” They attempt to hide the gears turning in the brain constructing it in real time. Merei can turn into a thing poetry but nothing has been harder to edit than this. 

When confrontation begins they don’t hesitate to run. It is a state of being, they have never known stasis. So they grab you (or maybe you grab them ) and together you’re off. 

There is nothing more beautiful in the whole galaxy than the Kyber Crystals. It stops them in their tracks and immediately takes their breath away. ( Are the lights reflecting in their eyes or vice versa? ) Collecting them almost feels wrong, but Merei does all the while thinking of all the lightsabers they will become a part of. No two of them will be the same, each an extension of the self, and everyone in the ship must already have a blueprint in their head. Right? ( They wish they could same. )

To think under different circumstance they each would traverse this cave and would come out on the other side having overcome a weakness and holding a single crystal. Maybe they moved their head too quickly but seconds feels like minutes and everything goes blurry. The air shifts.

The past can be rewritten. It is possible to never know loneliness or grief or sadness. It is possible to live without fear. Merei is the living proof. So they collect as many Crystals as they can carry with a glimmer in the eyes and a smile as wide as the gulf. ( and if delicate hands begin to tremble surely that must be out of excitement too. )

Aftermath:

Once it seemed that they’d live at the heart of the cave if someone let them but when the order to return to ship comes they are the first one there. They travel home with the same energy they arrived: to meet their gaze is to think that even the most benign detail is the most important thing in the world; eyes widen in awe and soften with empathy. Gather round it’s story time and they’ve had a burst of inspiration. It might be their best one yet. 

There is no sense of relief until the rebels from Coruscant return. They have different kind stories. There is little comfort in ghost stories but to involved in theater is to be constantly haunted. Merei doesn’t expect you to pour your heart out to them, but there is warmth in their eyes and not a trace of pity in their tone. Not everything needs to be an adventure to worth being heard.   

Now that the rebellion has the Crystals they must be put to use. New lightsabers being made and old ones re-crafted. They return to their corner of the command center and begins to do the same with codes. That is where they belong. Sometime Merei watches from the wings unable to take their eyes off it all and hands fidgeting desperate for something to do with them.

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McCall Olsen

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To be so lonely              you told yourself you liked to be this way                                     & almost believed                                                                it was true.

Natalie Wee, from ‘(Suicide Letter In) Parts, 2010′, Our Bodies & Other Fine Machines (via natalieweepoetry)

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'Cause I need somebody to remember my name After all that I can do for them is done I need someone to remember me I need something bigger than the sky Hold it in my arms and know it's mine Just how many stars will I need to hang around me To finally call it heaven?

[mereiversio]

All speech is a request or demand for something missing, as lacking in some respect. Ultimately, as Lacan puts it, all speech constitutes a demand for love. Whenever we speak, we are unconditionally asking to be heard, we are asking for our request to be recognized, we are asking to be responded to, we are asking to be loved.

Lacan on Love: An Exploration of Lacan’s Seminar VIII, Transference, Bruce Fink (via ecrituria)