merestart

[merestart]

Too many things that i don't like this years, and most of it is the things that i have no controlled but influence and spinning around me. What can i do? First phase, i feel demotivated, second phase i am trying to relook at each things, third i got extreme dizziness, fourth maybe trying to deal with it meanwhile waiting for the headache to disappear, i am currently in this phase. Fifth (perhaps) overcome and hustle!

Can't wait to find out the exact learning from all of these hurdles.

Bch! Just deal with it and break it down, you'll nailed it! It is the time for another mountain. Move your ass! Go!

-me to my self

[merestart]

[merestart]

1st trip in 2021, spending time near the private beach and enjoy it. However, I got an offer processing from another company. It was tempting for me and putting me in dilemmas for few days while I was on a holiday.

I also had a deep thought toward my life since I am heading to 28 years old. Most of the time I don't know what to do, missed my track, but I have my goals.

Wish me all the best.

03june21

[merestart]

Semangat meg!

[merestart]

This is me and my partner. We have been together for 5 years and he is not always lovely, most of the time he just being himself and represent most of boys behaviour; you know they like game and being lazy and stuck for hours with their game which i don't understand why.

As time goes by, we started as a couple like most common couple and its drama, those stuffs like butterfly in your stomach, sweet messages in the morning and when its raining, those flowers and etc. also, those drama me or the other things, madness, sadness and reconsiliation. Until now, he is not only my boyfriend but he is a friend, an aunty to gossip about anything, or a sparing partner to argue about anything, and also the most important a place that i always longing to when i feel down. Yes, of course i everyone need a shoulder to cry on, but i am not crying, i will explain like a to z why i am right and he is listening. I just need that, thats is enough.

Yes i am ambitious, i like running for something i like and i want to make it perfect. He, in the other side sounds like ambitious but very seattled kind of person, i think we have 80% uncommon things and 20% almost match. Hmm i want to keep typing but my hand is tired, i'll write again later 🥱

[merestart]

Sometimes, what we need is space and time alone, to think and look back to look forward. This solo road lead me to more hope, wider space, and both another success and failure. What a new beginning. When it comes to success, i think i am ready to stay on this way. But then, when i failed, in my mind all i want to do is running back to you. Selfish.

[merestart]

I tried so many things lately, i purchased 3 indoor plants and have been on diet for 4 months now. It is slow progress but quite significant, from 58.8kg to 53 kg now. I want to give a present for my self in my 27th birthday on September, I'll give me 50Kg! Well, i want to go for 48kg, but it seems too ambitious, well anyway i'll try. I also bought a slow juicer machine, it is quite expensive but everytime i remember the price, i should drink at least 1 juice. I'll try. A magical sentence that motivates me to do all these progress is "step by step, day by day".

It was like i told my self to stay on progress without being hurry. It is such a relieve and feels like free my self from giving so much pressure on me. I just want to reconnect to my inner self, find peace and fix this rotten mind or soul maybe.

The incapability of me loving me, somehow just makes me become a bitter person. I am too young to stop wandering and wondering. I will give my self a chance to start again this time. I was lost and couldn't see the love around me, blame others and blinded by my own arogancy. I am not that person, and i won't to be that kind of person. I will open my heart to accept my self everyday and then, i will learn to embrace others.

[merestart]

Again, this time i'll do better

[merestart]

Au revoir 1827 days, God will open another door

[merestart]

To hold on and to let go, both need effort and we must fight for it.

[merestart]

What happened with my subconscious? Its hard to recall the happy momment and end up imsonia but i only feel mad and sad for my self.

[merestart]

Because i still remember the flashback midnight in freiburg after winter still felt so cold and windy, i was waiting for the last train alone in the city central station, i told you everything, i was typing with my cold hand and untill the next day, what did you do just ignorance. I wonder what if i choose to let go, i wonder what if i didn't come late to teach those toddlers. i dissagree if there is only one person that deserve the credit for who i am right now. Oh God. Its enough. I am moving forward, i will respect my self and will never take my self for granted. And i will not let anyone do that to me, anymore.

[merestart]

[merestart]

It was like, you can make me wait and busy with the world and coming back to me later when you need to. But i can not be busy and get back to you later. You called it a bad communication. It is just my world rotating :'(

[merestart]

i wonder what if you had a little more patience, i was on my way, but i lost my needle and cry.

[merestart]

I wonder what if we stay a little bit longer?

[merestart]

part 1

our inner monologue is overly pretty or intense

what a perfect soul-destroying aspect 

evaluation become so swift and cynical 

to know us really well and still like us

or we need to conceal most of who we are 

the guardian of our story 

let us be able to return to be put back together again

being worthy of infinite gratitude, we truly matter

we love in part in the hope of being helped and redeemed

we hope to change a little in their presence, becoming, through their help, better version of ourselves.

love  promises to educate us in a more gentle and seductive way

properly appreciating the real complexity, beauty, and virtue of another human being.