merlotdom

[merlotdom]

at a lesbian bar wearing a vampire costume: I vish to eat your puvsy *my plastic fangs slip out of my mouth and into someone’s drink* *I cry and pull the fire alarm before running out*

[merlotdom]

Just rewatched all of season 5 and for some reason my ferbjeet counter is at seven???? In a 10 episode run?? And I didn’t even actively count so it’s probably higher

[merlotdom]

[merlotdom]

June 15!!

am I late? who caaares

Happy Love Händel reunion!

Happy anniversary, Linda and Lawrence Flynn-Fletcher!

Happy birthday, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz!

yayyy

[merlotdom]

u ever have a stress dream so crazy u wake up feelin like scrooge being given a second chance at life

[merlotdom]

candace flynn is THE most teenage girl character of all time. she is at level 100 anxiety 24/7. she shows her love for her brothers by trying to get them in trouble constantly. her neck is as long as her forearm. she features on a blues album after having an allergic reaction. she has a shrine to her boyfriend in her room. she can't live without her phone. she has a panic room in the basement. she plays 20 instruments that all start with the letter B. she read all of sherlock holmes in one night. she's seen their platypus running around as a secret agent more than once, assumed she was hallucinating each time, and moved on with her life while telling no one. she likes wrestling video games. she was rutabaga princess. she has a billion people to email memes to but when she's trying to think of friends she can only think of four people and one of them is her mom. most animals hate her except monkeys. she invented grilled cheese flavored ice cream. she pretended to be irish for a week. she's autistically obsessed with her universe's version of barney. she writes marvel fanfiction. she does parkour. there's an entire archive of her voice actress screaming just in case her voice ever gave out while recording. she sees her brothers build time machines and rollercoasters every day but doesn't believe in santa. when she starts scheming the wicked witch of the west theme starts playing in the background. she was elected queen of mars. she won a "mayor for the day" essay competition. there's a random person in town who's been avoiding her to the point she doesn't know he exists. she learned how to parallel park by driving a monster truck. she thinks the plural of moose is "meese." she tracks her mom with a GPS. she doesn't know her little brother's full name. she's scared of heights, spiders, and the number seven. when her boyfriend told her he'd call "soon" she started doing complex math to try and figure out when exactly that would be. her first thought upon seeing her royal doppelganger was to go to the laundromat and fill all the dryers with cheese. she earned 50 not-girl-scout patches in one day through sheer determination. she can run fast enough to catch up to moving cars. she can sense when ground is broken in the backyard and when people are judging her. one time she got her face caught in the sink. her brothers carved her into mount rushmore. every now and again a magical zebra appears, calls her kevin, and then disappears again. she killed 99% of an alien invasion with a t-shirt cannon. in an alternate universe she's leading a regime-destroying resistance at the age of 15. she's being accidentally gaslit every day of her life.

[merlotdom]

Buford is definitely gay but you know the only reason he flirted with Jeremy is because the sign specifically told him not to.

[merlotdom]

i think he likes it

[merlotdom]

One william perrys

[merlotdom]

Perry's locket is still a webbed foot, but for a very different reason.

Bonus:

Please don't tag this au as Perryshmirtz.

[merlotdom]

Phineas and Ferb revival yay

[merlotdom]

beautiful bisexual people in my phone we have to live. We have to

[merlotdom]

How old were you at the lowest point in your life? Reblog this and put it in the tags, plus your current age maybe. I'm trying to see something.

[merlotdom]

Why do we say “slept like a baby” when babies literally wake up screaming every two hours?

I want to sleep like a middle-aged dad who “rests his eyes” during a Marvel movie and wakes up refreshed, confused, and ready to barbecue.

[merlotdom]

Having one-sided beef with one specific character is so funny. Like I can see a million characters who do terrible things and be like “whatever.” But then there’s one specific motherfucker who pissed me off so bad that I’d run them over at a red light if given the chance.

[merlotdom]

(did he used to be this touchy...)

[merlotdom]

bring back tumblr ask culture let me. bother you with questions and statements