merriblu

[merriblu]

Well,

I’ve decided to hide under a rock for the rest of my life.

Some context:

Today was an appointment for me to turn in all my paperwork for German citizenship. It went so smoothly and wonderful. The office worker complimented me on how well organized my documents and I laughed and of course gave credit where credit is due — my wife.

‚Haha oh mein Frauchen ist Beamtin.“

More context: Germans add „-chen“ to make words cuter. Hallöchen for Hello is a good example.

I thought I was saying „haha, oh my wife (cutely said) is a civil servant.“ I got a strange look and the woman didn’t really give me eye contact the rest of the appointment. When I returned home, I asked my wife what was up with this reaction.

„Frauchen“ is a SPECIFIC word from a pet‘s point of view. Like… I am my dog‘s Frauchen (human woman). The context would be if someone was telling their dog to “run along now, go to your Frauchen”. That is the ONLY time this word is used.

I have been telling strangers about my “Frauchen” for years now.

YEARS

[merriblu]

Elke came home from a business trip and her boy waits as she unpacks. He really lays there the whole time, and I just picture him casually complaining about me and my methods of caring for him.

[merriblu]

This picture came up on my phone and I have to share it. My wife is not a dog person. She tolerates dogs. My dog… did not like my wife in the beginning. It was a lot of yelling and barking. But they both love me and god bless the day they tried to understand each other is so wholesome.

I don’t know what it is about my dog, but she really tried to understand Elke and I am so thankful.

[merriblu]

SOMEHOW a shark movie found its way onto our television last night. I was an unsuspecting victim, reading a book when my wife demands my attention:

Wife: Look Look! They got the stone!

Me: hmm? (Dies inside when I see I fell for the trap)

Wife: The shark fin! It was carved from Stonehenge! It lets them teleport between sharknados.

Me: You are a respected woman in social health law… you LEAD the Doctors’ council in Berlin…

Wife: Sharkzilla is in Tokyo!!!

Me: …

[merriblu]

My sister decided to message me on Instagram and tell me that the lord placed me on her heart today. She would like to remind me that god forgives everything, no matter what. Also, apparently her southern Baptist church knows the true teachings of god and these are the teachings that I should follow.

I thought of this for quite some time but not for the reasons many may think.

You see, my wife and I speak of having a child and one of my biggest sorrows is that the little loaf of bread will never know my culture. They won’t experience a crawfish boil or Louisiana ghost stories. They won’t experience Louisianan silly accents, sickly humid summers, or hurricane season. Sweat sun tea, watermelon slices, and a wooden sun porch and hunting hounds won’t be part of their life.

My greatest joys:

They won’t go to a Highschool where they must pledge allegiance to the flag. They won’t have to be “saved” for spiritual acceptance. Their education and self discovery will be more valued than attending church, finding a boyfriend/girlfriend, and never questioning one’s creed or doctrine. College will be free and encouraged, healthcare always available, and they will learn of the peaceful revolution East Germans — their grandfather and grandmother — participated in for a united Germany.

Though my heart aches for the loses, I am relieved. My kid is going to be protected from something I managed to get away from.

And besides, I can still make a mean Mac n cheese, cornbread, and gumbo here. My friends and family won’t let me NOT make Thanksgiving dinner now (even though every year I swear to myself I won’t go through the trouble).

Normally I don’t mull on these things but I have my citizenship interview next Thursday and I suppose my thoughts have been wandering.

[merriblu]

We watched the live action movie Attack on Titan.

I will take a shark movie ANY DAY over this hot mess.

Disclaimer: I’ve never seen the anime or read the manga annnnnd it looks like that was a good decision.

[merriblu]

You see we have two very different types of animals. The cat demands to go with us on every trip we make. The dog is deathly afraid we will try and take her on every trip we make.

As illustrated in fig. 01

[merriblu]

So I finished Stoner and it is objectively a great book… and I didn’t like it. I mean…

The best way I can explain it: I loved the experience of reading it but I did not like events that took place. I realize this sounds crazy but the book is just written THAT GOOD.

Maybe it’s not a case of me disliking the book — maybe I liked it so much that I became connected/attached to Stoner and it really BOTHERED me to see his life unfold in such an unfruitful manner.

Either way, it’s a title I cherish now because I love a read that just cuts me in half apparently. Butcher‘s Crossing is up next and I believe it should also be a soul wrenching experience. Yay!

Bonus pic of me being a photo nerd today:

[merriblu]

In other news, I have finished packing for our vacation and my two books of choice are Stoner and Butcher’s Crossing by John Williams.

[merriblu]

I am sometimes still astonished by how VERY German my German wife is. She is very German by even German standards.

So a little bit of background: the VA allows us veterans to print out information on an online portal, information like disability status, pension awards, proof of service… basically stuff I have to report to the German government every year. No big deal because the website has a letter generator and fulfills the whole “letter from the current year” for tax purposes.

WELL

The VA has changed how they want us to log into this website and we veterans now have to verify our identity before registering. Usually not a big deal but a USA phone number is required. Guess who does not have a USA phone number?

So now I have to find all these documents to prove I am me. Naturally, I am the beta half of my marriage so my wife basically handles all documents. I ask my wife for the folder that has my documents because of course I’m going to be a grown ass adult and handle my own affairs.

The GLEE in her eyes as she runs to the office and slams down 3 massive binders of basically my life onto the dining table.

I measured it. 17 inches tall.

“Appreciate me!” - wife

*existential crisis* - me

“You basically don’t have to go through the first half of this one though. It’s just old visa stuff saying I own you and I am responsible for my American”. - wife

*sigh* - me

[merriblu]

Ah, the biggest question before going to the ER. Is it a medical emergency or do I just need to poop?

Surprise! It’s both! Surgery scheduled for tomorrow.

On the bright side, I knew this surgery was coming; it was planned for September. Not so bright side, complications arose sooner than expected — Literally 7 hours before boarding the train to a little weekend getaway we had planned since February. Brighter side, we don’t have to cancel our trip to Sardinia because I have a full 13 days to heal!

Bonus of how we create “the Great Wall of breakfast” to keep Balu from feasting:

[merriblu]

May you all sleep as well as my cat on lazy Sundays

[merriblu]

My other boy, slowly turning into a puddle

[merriblu]

My boy isn’t handling the heat well…

[merriblu]

It is done!!

Next renovation will be tearing out the carpet on the stairs (honestly, the cats are already doing pretty well on their way of making this happen). We are going to use the same for tread to stay cohesive with the layout but have white wood on the risers to break up the monotony.

Eventually we’ll upgrade the wallpaper and move onto replacing the living room floor… eventually

Here is a picture of the original tiles. Sadly this goofy picture is all I have for reference haha

[merriblu]

Progress!

Also, my dog is sooooo over this renovation bullshit:

[merriblu]

Well, going 2-3 months without a hospital visit means we are back to doing renovations *cries*

So, when we renovated the kitchen, we stripped these awful terracotta colored tiles out and tiled more modern ones in. The same same terracotta tiles are/were in our entry-way and we are finally getting around to exchanging them.

It had been… an experience.

We found some cracks in the foundation and needed to patch those before laying the tiles. Not a big deal really. We expected those because the kitchen had the same issue.

What I didn’t expect was my genius dog to sneak downstairs and lay on the epoxy covering the patchwork… gluing her damn face to the floor.

EVERYTHING IS FINE! We are extremely lucky that none got into her eye. Merri was even able to free herself, but glued her fur in a way that it pulled her skin in a way that worried me. Like… her ear was literally folded in half, glued together. She has long fur so it was minimal shaving but..

Well… maybe she’ll shed the rest out soon…

It’s ok my puppy. We’ve all had bad hair cuts at least once in our lives.

Bonus pick of me and my noodle arms: