mesobbingquietly

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Rating bathrooms out of ten depending on how great they are to have a panic attack in

Starbucks 2/10: only ever one toilet so everyone is waiting for you to do ya business and leave which is stressful

McDonald’s 0/10: same as Starbucks except the cubicles are closed off floor to ceiling giving you that coffin like feeling. Extremely stressful.

Mall bathrooms in general 8/10: huge with loads of cubicles, no one will notice if you’re in there for over 30 minutes. Wonderful

Fancy restaurant bathrooms 7/10: usually have some nice calming music and good soap. Ideal for escaping stressful dinner conversations. People may notice and think you’re pooping if you stay there for over 10 minutes.

Nightclub bathrooms 3/10: could go either way tbh, normally packed with strangers, filthy disgusting and still loud. On the flip side you might meet a complimentary drunk girl by the sink. Not ideal panic attack location but maybe distracting??

My own house’s bathroom 10/10: perfect, has everything you want and no one can tell you to leave. Lockable door means 100% privacy from anyone else who might unfortunately be in my home.

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I’ve thought about it and I’m pretty sure I’ve fallen for 75% of all the English teachers I’ve ever had

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Mmmmm just had the best orgasm of my life in public on a crowded train

I didn’t even have to touch myself the vibrations of the train got me off

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Can’t stop thinking about my ex

but she’s an ex for a reason

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Ughhhh getting off in public and no one can tell

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Hello again

I haven't been posting on here because I was using vent instead, it was ideal until it was ruined for me like so many other things Just triggered myself by trying to help out T, suicidal thoughts and anxiety you know the drill He's got em, and I'm thinking "so fucking what? Me too bitch. The number of times I could have walked into the kitchen and taken a knife, it's astounding. Where's my sympathy?" But goodness that's so selfish, like how fucking self centred. I don't wanna be like this but I've noticed I make everything about me, everything. I'm in my own head a lot because I don't give a shit about what other people have to say, it's uninteresting I switch off. So I'm low All other forms of venting my feelings are unsafe even here there's a chance this will be traced back to me and hurt me later. I don't know what to do with my feelings anymore. I might have been happy 2 weeks ago maybe, I felt light, is that what happiness feels like? I feel so useless I can't move forward or backward. I'm trapped by anxiety and shame.

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Lmao looking through this blogs archives at shit I wrote 4 years ago You thought that was rock bottom kid???

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AhahA that awkward moment when you really wanna kill yourself but all your friends are busy/would just get unnecessarily worried and not be able to help So you're just there thinking about it in a daze

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ELOO LV ZDWFKLQJ

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Quand ça vaut le coup de traduire le nom des meubles IKEA.

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So this is a continuation of the last post that will get very triggery, so sorry about that I keep getting intrusive thoughts about harming myself. I don't want to hurt myself but I can't stop my thoughts. The usual like stabbing myself in the hand, scratching off all my skin breaking my spine. Other things like cutting all my hair off Freaking me out a little bit I posted about disassociating the fuck out on my main blog and someone messaged me to take my mind off it. That was nice. But I'm still zoned way out. It's like another me is typing this post or my brain to finger filter has disappeared kind of like being tired/drunk

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Hoo boy here comes the sadness again nobody loves me blah blah blah Why doesn't anybody love me etc I need a hug Not much is going right I need more time with my friends Why aren't I crying I don't know who my friends are or how they think Someone help me I haven't posted on this blog in a while because I've been bottling it up/annoying irl people about how sad I am I've turned really bitchy and really talkative lately So here it is, the explosion you've all been waiting for

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When I die, bury me with a headstone etched with cryptic text that HEAVILY implies my grave is cursed or that I’m a vampire. Just to give future generations something to have fun with, you know?

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Im sorry I can't accept what you're telling me It's just that I've been told and I've thought all my life that I am super unattractive You telling me that I'm hot twice is not gonna improve my self esteem lmao

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That awkward moment when your nan almost walks in on you masturbating loudly

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the only three emotions I am able to feel at this point

- salty

-Despair

-pissed off