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[messedup15yearold]

HOW THE GLOBAL PANDEMIC RUINED ME

The global malaise of the Covid-19 virus had a huge impact on the students’ mental, physical and also social health. When you look back 2 years you see a different yourself that has undergone many changes, both positive and negative. Hi I am currently a 15-year-old messed up teenage girl who is trying. So, here’s me writing how the global pandemic ruined those crucial years of development and growth. (I was 12 when this started)

As you grow up your challenges and responsibilities increase and so one must step out of that comfort zone to have a better approach towards them but the pandemic in some subtle ways refrained us to do so. I remember walking out of the school premises on the last academic day of grade 8 all set and excited for summer holidays but little did I know what’s going to struck on us. Back then if you told me I wouldn’t be going to school for 2 years I would have considered you a drop-dead idiot but now it is all real.  

Back in grade 8th I was academically excellent, I used to get great grades on all my tests and exams basically I was the ideal student. I was both mentally and physically actively involved in everything and use to participate in every competition which tells I was not afraid of public speaking and did not have social anxiety. Well, the tables have completely turned in these 2 years. How? Let’s start.

Firstly, the online mode of education really messed my academics. There were two types of students, one that actually took the online classes seriously and genuinely attended them and at least gained some knowledge and ethically continued with their studies. Then there’s the type two or me, initially I was invested in this new way of education, that period lasted for around 1 month to be precise but then gradually I got distracted, I lost my focus, I lost my will and I lost it, Here goes the story downhill.

I did log into classes but then minimised the skin and continued scrolling through reels or playing the trending game of those times, among us. This was the start, eventually I stopped self-studying and doing any productive things I used to do. I stopped dancing, painting, cooking, writing and every other good stuff I used to so back then. Then I saw my peers doing great in academics and participating in several debates, basically building themselves. I started comparing them to myself, I envied how well they were leading their lives. This just gave the kick start to my inferiority complex which just increased gradually.

They used to complete all their assignments and I was just sitting there under the pile of unfinished projects still doing nothing. I saw them actively participating in the classes, talking to the teachers and expressing themselves whereas I remember teachers calling my name repeatedly trying to get me to respond but I was (am) so scared to talk I was scared of them, how tall they stood whereas I just cocooned myself in my comfort zone. That ruined my great student reputation in front of all my teachers and peers. This was not all.

Then came the quarantine period I got diagnosed with corona virus which further gave a hit. I lost all the connections with my friends was all alone and lonely for that 1 month. Further I also cut the left out strings and completely abandoned myself from everything. This was when i gradually fell into the never ending deep dark hole of depression. I was so lost in it I hurt myself physically and mentally to this extent that I considered committing a suicide which thankfully failed. That was the wakeup call. I asked my parents for the help and with their and miss honey's (CBT therapist) support I crawled out of it after almost 8 months of suffering. My therapy continued because I was now deeply negatively tied to my thoughts.

I was now socially anxious, restless all the time, still mentally unhealthy, scared of public interactions, awkward and weird, and weak. I used to have nightmares and panic attacks (I still have them sometimes)

I left school campus as a 8th grader and tomorrow was the day I re-enter as a 10th grader. It was horrible, I was scared of people, my own friends, I messed up every conversation and every single time somehow managed to embarrass myself in front of people because of my serious social anxiety. People were judging me and I considered myself so inferior and lower to them. My grades degraded from A+ to C and I was completely embarrassed.

But now I am better and so will everyone be. Keep trying thus shall not break us apart. We fall but stand back stronger and taller than everyone

love,

some messed up teenager