metamorons

[metamorons]

the signs as 50 shades of grey quotes

Aries: “Welcome,” he said, shoving my hair hard, “to the butt room.”

Taurus: “No way,” I cried out orgasmically. “No way, no way, no way.”

Gemini: “When I woke up Christian Grey had somehow gotten an entire orange into my mouth.”

Cancer: “Say it,” he commanded. “Yankity Spankity.” “Louder.”

Leo: “He gently handcuffed me to the parking meter. “Bye.”

Virgo: “The helicopter was built for sex, I observed sexily. You could lie across the seats or recline them.”

Libra: “Christian Grey picked up the long black thing and started working my zone. It was bananas.”

Scorpio: “The sex feelings flooded my body like a charging herd of itty, bitty elephants. We’re talking small.”

Sagittarius: “Do I afraid you?” Christian Grey asked, licking his eyebrow.”

Capricorn: “It’s a Murphy Bed,” he explained. “Maybe one day we could leave it up and have sex in the walls.”

Aquarius: “Christian Grey mashed on my area with the meat of his hand. “Do you like that, you woman?”

Pisces: “Hey,” I asked “Didn’t you used to be a vampire?”

Source: [x]

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 Pokemon Let’s Go has many new features, like staring blankly at Slowpoke ass

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are you an “arrr” pirate or a “yo ho ho” pirate

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Japan’s vast assortment of mascots all share a similar problem.

Via @GorillaGorillax

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damn son why are all the funniest and best posts on here always made by deactivated people? who killed them and wh

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the woman behind me in line at target was just buying 2 copies of les mis and as my stuff was being scanned her head perked up like she remembered something and she told the cashier “ill be right back i just have to grab one more thing”

and she came back with a 3rd copy of les mis.

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me: 2 memes together at the same time……. lets see uuuh, pee is stored in deez nuts lol (post) 

john green fan: THERE’S SO MANY LAYERS TO THIS JOKE OMG!!!! Lemme break it down for you. Buckle up Tumblypoos, because (8 paragraph history lesson that starts in ancient rome and somehow mentions dadaism, 70% of it is misinfo) So basically if you laughed, you’re one of the smart ones :~). See you on /r/sapiosexuality 

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today daddy took me out to see IT and i really liked it! i was really turned on by pennywise and i was kinda scared to tell daddy about it, but when i did, he told me he thought pennywise was sexy too! then we went out to a costume store and daddy picked out a pennywise costume and told me he was gonna pretend to be him as he fucked me tonight and haha could you fucking imagine if this was a real post on tumblr

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Call out post for my ball python, Monty

He knocked over my ukulele

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Coconuts have only been in the Caribbean for 500 years. They just….floated on over from Asia and took root. That’s…hilarious.

[metamorons]

morning routine.png

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harsh