metheyezthoughts

[metheyezthoughts]

The Waiting....

The waiting can be so uhhh. I'm glad I'm learning patience. Maybe

[metheyezthoughts]

Well getting sober... there's no other choice. The fork on the road

[metheyezthoughts]

Who is in 361

[metheyezthoughts]

Well it seems Ina bit of a pickles again. Deep additions, new charges, in the system. It's a wrap GAME OVER. BUT, even w all this she still wants to get high, is getting high... How will she do it she knows no other way of life. Sober, can't even remember...

#metheyezthoughts

[metheyezthoughts]

Fuckin going nuts w you. My stomach Ina knot turning. Why am I here. It happened so fast.

[metheyezthoughts]

It's been awhile since I seen ya..

#mirriormirror

[metheyezthoughts]

It's been so long. Maybe because she's taken & lost time. Given it away really.

[metheyezthoughts]

She had a better 2 days. 3 & 4 are the worst. Through prayer & perseverance, she will prevail

[metheyezthoughts]

5 posts!

[metheyezthoughts]

She loves there, just awake, tired but awake. She can't belive & is bummed she gave onto you again

[metheyezthoughts]

She can hear the quiet. She likes the quiet. She needs wants to go to sleep but can't stop thinking of you. And what to do now. Give up, give in, get ready.

Her arms, hands, fingers shake her jaw clenched. Oh ' why the Fumble'

she thinks. There is no more... You

How will I get you, who do I call. Everyone gone now. Alone she feels... alone

[metheyezthoughts]

She shakes as she tries to open drawer. "The Drawer". Finally it opens. "The Bix" she grabs, a plastic. Opens & pours...Loaded Fumble. The sound that no other piece, item, glass, can make.

#shakyjunkie#stressed#anxiety#timetoquit

[metheyezthoughts]

Hee anxiety, is so debilitating. The tears from it. The anxiety of having it, wanting it. Wants to help more, but needs help here. She can't believe it's been years. Not wanting to do anything panicking cause she needs to do everything.

@metheyezthoughts

#junkie#wannagetout#stronghold#nolongerfun#functioningaddict

#spunstuck#littired

[metheyezthoughts]

Well here she goes. She's been on meth for 14yrs now. She's done things she never thought she'd do. Yesterday she went w a "suposed", friend. She had been wanting to stop but can't. She's tried over and over again. She can no longer work. She wants to get clean

This world is so so fucked up..

She realized one day, how evil, how dirty, how tarnished everything is.

How evil, how dirty, how tarnished the meth world is.

She stays locked in her room longing for peace everyday. Her anxiety debilitating. She is tormented. She knows the answer, but the stronghold. Fasting & praying is what's needed.

She can no longer think, & everything a fog. Hurt by betrayal, & being the betrayer. Her fines a skim to nothing. Every month she tries a lil harder. Everyday she'll try harder. With the uncertainty of the results. It's dawned on her. "This is it, this is my life, it's been my life" What did I do? Did I do this to myself?" Deep down she knows she had & she did.

There's so much she wants to say in sincerity, but Noone listens Noone cares. Her answer right in front of her. Peace, freedom, deliverance.

Six more days till the 2nd test. She doesn't believe it. It can't possibly.

But what if it is she thought. She's scared of the pain & never being able to get bk up again. She does find solace, that she will see her Grandmother. One last selfish act. How do you come bk from a life of selfishness. She knows now her whole life since starting been selfish. That torments her. She has a son a beautiful son. That loves and adores her. The other 3 due to the past are ok not talking g to her. They love her but it really doesn't matter. She has been in denial and made up a movie in her head. When the fog desipitates, she can see, but no longer recognizes, or know who she is. She knows what she wants. She's reaching CRAWLING to the finish line.