meurtrissuresdeletre - Tumblr blog

[meurtrissuresdeletre]

[meurtrissuresdeletre]

It's all part of the process.

[meurtrissuresdeletre]

I feel like a fxcking clown.

Trying to limit again my food intake.

Not calling it « restriction » because it’s nothing compared to what I used to do.

I feel like a fxcking fraud.

Still trying to honor the appointments with my dietitian.

Still giving the « right answers », like « I know I have to eat starches to nourish my brain » (and it’s true though !), but knowing and being able to are two different things.

Still trying to blind myself from acknowledging it may be a slippery slope towards a small relapse.

I feel like a fxcking mess.

An exhausted one.

Sometimes, I’d like to give up and drown once and for all.

Next second I pray for better times, without being able to imagine the tiniest part of it.

[meurtrissuresdeletre]

Waking up feeling like shit and giving myself grace like

[meurtrissuresdeletre]

[meurtrissuresdeletre]

It feels endless.

I KNOW the patterns.

I KNOW it isn’t the solution.

I KNOW restrictions may trigger a next temptation to binge.

I KNOW body dysmorphia is whispering into my ears and that’s not as catastrophic as it wants me to think.

But damn this is hard.

And I’m so tired.

It looks like I’m recovered - as long as you don’t know me and only judge my body.

But we know it is a MENTAL illness, right ?…

[meurtrissuresdeletre]

[meurtrissuresdeletre]

Nobody apologized for how they treated me they just blamed me for how I reacted

[meurtrissuresdeletre]

[meurtrissuresdeletre]

I’m trying so hard to allow myself to consider this.

[meurtrissuresdeletre]

IN HONOR OF MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH

it is NOT weird to go to therapy

you should NOT feel ASHAMED or EMBARRASSED for seeking medical help for mental problems

your FEELINGS and HEALTH is important and VALID

taking MEDS is A-OKAY and NOTHING to be ashamed of

being depressed does NOT mean you are LAZY

anxiety is REAL and VALID

bpd and bipolar are NOT the same but both are valid\

seeking HELP for SELF HARM is IMPORTANT

struggling with hyper sexuality because of abuse DOES NOT make you DIRTY

your trauma is VALID and NOT your fault

an eating disorder is NOT vain or for attention

ocd is NOT a trend

substance abuse IS hard and we NEED to help those with it

schizophrenia DOES NOT mean someone is crazy or dangerous

dissociation is trauma response and NOT quirky

IT IS IMPULSIVE THOUGHTS NOT INTRUSIVE ONES

THANK YOU, DRINK WATER, TAKE UR MEDS, AND I LOVE YOU GOOD MORNING, GOOD AFTERNOON, AND GOODNIGHT

[meurtrissuresdeletre]

me trying to convince myself that the whole spectrum of human emotions is a good and necessary thing to feel even if its not comfortable while im actively experiencing emotions that make me feel like my bones are being dissolved in acid

[meurtrissuresdeletre]

[meurtrissuresdeletre]

[meurtrissuresdeletre]

allow yourself to feel your feelings.

you're not wrong for feeling angry.

you're not wrong for feeling sad.

you're not wrong for feeling worried.

you're not wrong for feeling depressed.

bottling up your feelings may sound appealing, but that will only worsen it. write down your feelings and thoughts in a notebook, type it out in a notes app, talk about it to someone you trust, or talk to yourself about it. you don't have to bury your feelings deep inside.

and, remember that it is okay to ask for help. if you want someone to talk to, need some words of reassurance, a hug, or anything you might need, it is okay to ask for it. you and your feelings will always matter.

[meurtrissuresdeletre]

[meurtrissuresdeletre]

I don’t belong anywhere.

Not even the disgusting flesh bag of mine.

What does it feel like to disappear, just for a little bit, enough for the raging storm inside my head to calm down ?