micah-the-mango

[micah-the-mango]

THESE TWO BOYS 😍😍😍😍

Ryan Bergara and Shane Madej photographed by Jeff Martin during Death Becomes Us - A True Crime Festival for Brightest Young Things on Washington, DC on November 3, 2018.

[micah-the-mango]

Everybody Dies

23 January 2019 

The first thing that I thought of when I first woke up was “Today is 23 January, it’s been two years since Ryan’s Dad passed away”. 

Ryan’s Dad’s funeral service would forever be one of the few funeral services that I would remember with fondness. On the night that the funeral service was held, so many people had turned up for the service to the point where the room reached its maximum capacity and people had to stand outside. I remembered the service taking place on a weekday, in the middle of the week, in the middle of the night, where people who are especially working or schooling could have gone home to rest and prepare for their activities the next day. 

Instead, people from all walks of life, whether it was people from the church, family friends or relatives of Ryan’s family, had taken the time off to be there with the family. I remembered I was outside the room with my Dad and I overheard a few people saying that they didn’t know who was the person that had passed away but still came to support anyway. 

While death is often associated with the eternal separation of family members and loved ones, death brings people together, where people would mourn together and support each other in the very tough period. 

During my two week break in December, I had attended four funeral services. Even though all four services were Christian ones, two out of the four people who had left us weren't Christians or had heard about Christ. For those two services, there was more mourning and grief.

Just this year about two weeks ago, I attended another funeral wake when there had been news that the grandmother of a close church mate had recently passed on. I remembered how much my church mate had cried while sharing about regrets for choosing to spend more time on studying for A levels instead of spending time with her.

Today, there had been news a well loved local actor had passed away. He had gotten into an accident during his army training in New Zealand and he had been in a critical condition. His death became a shock to everyone as just before that, there was news that his condition was stable, which gave everyone hope. 

I was talking to a close friend on how death is so prevalent in the world. The people around us, whether it is the people that we know or don’t know, could just die anywhere and any time. The fact that today, the local actor had passed away at a young age of 28, was enough to shake the entire nation and made us realize how we have to cherish our loved ones.

There was always this saying that says “You will never know what you have until its gone.” 

This saying screams volumes and truths. It is true, we sometimes don’t cherish the people around us. And when we realize that we might lose them anytime, we start to regret not spending enough time with or even saying how much we appreciated and loved them.

Seeing so many people pass on made me start to question and re-evaluate everything that I've been doing in my life. I recall all the time wasted on activities that could have been spent on more meaningful activities. There had been moments in my life where I wished I could turn back time and change the way I did things back then. Yet, I knew that there was no such thing as going back in time. All we could do now is to look forward and make full use of the time we have left here on this earth.

The Grim Reaper lingers everywhere, ready to take a life. You will never know who the Grim Reaper will take with him next.

- Micah

[micah-the-mango]

Studies Come First... Or Is It?

21 January 2019

"But studies come first, right?"

Many people use this phrase when one decides to put something else over their studies. Yes, studies are important and it should be one of our top priorities when we are schooling. People would normally use this phrase whenever someone decides to focus on their passions which may not be related to their academics. Disclaimer alert, I am not implying that students should give up their passions just to get perfect grades. I do however, believe in work balance.

I will always remembered this one occurence when a friend of mine chose to work over the weekend instead of studying for her test. In response, another friend replied "But studies comes first, right?"

For a moment, the friend who chose to work, paused and did not reply. She chose to glance at me and at that moment, though there was no words being exchanged, we both reached a mutual non verbal agreement.

"Studies does not come first if you have no pocket money." was her reply.

That faithful incident in the School of Applied Science had hit home. It was an incident that had etched upon my mind that even up till now, the mutual understanding shared with my friend remained vivid in my mind.

Most importantly, it made me wonder, "Does studies come first in the perspective of a student with a financially unstable background?"

To some students who fall in this category, maybe yes, because they see the importance of doing well in their academics so that they could get a good job in the future. It gives them this assurance and hope that doors will be open. That is true and I've known classmates who don't come from a financially stable backgrounds and have done excelled in every module. As a result of their academic excellence, they are rewarded with scholarships which eventually helps them to pay for their school fees. It's amazing, really.

To other students, some preferred to take up a few part time jobs to support their own financial needs. I've also known a few friends who work during the weekdays after school just to earn some cash for their pocket money. Some even work on weekends just so they could pay school fees. If these people can manage their time well, work wouldn't be an obstacle and wouldn't clash with their studies. That too, is also amazing.

And while many people emphasised on the importance of having good grades to get by school, I feel like some people fail to see that money has a bit of an influence too.

I remembered when I was in Secondary school, my grades were decently good. Good enough for me to laterally transfer from Normal Academic (NA) stream (equivalent to five years in high school) to Express stream (equivalent to four years in high school).

However, my secondary school days wasn't all that carefree. It was during this period where my family was financially unstable. My parents had to feed four children and our school fees amounted up to at least $3K each. My Dad's main income went to house rent and utility bills and my Mum worked part time by cleaning houses just to make ends meet.

To be fair, I am not a citizen in where I am currently staying in and school fees are expensive. I guess thats what you get for having advanced and quality education, which I am greatful for. Every month, we would receive reminders to pay the school fees or else we would prohibited from attending school. But because we were so financially constrained, our school fees were unpaid and this ultimately led to my siblings and I not being able to attend school.

Not being able to go to school shook my entire world. I remembered the night when Dad gathered my siblings and I in a room and told us that we couldn't go to school for the meantime because of our unpaid school fees. That night, Dad's apologetic look that he had worn while explaining to us broke my heart. We never blamed him because we knew that Dad had tried his best to save us.

Instead, I blamed the school system. I had decently good grades and served in the Student Council board as an executive committee member and yet, it happened. My siblings too had decently good grades and were student leaders and played in school teams, and yet it happened.

I remembered being angry (though later on I realized that it's just people doing their jobs). It was the period where I realized that getting good grades didn't matter. I realized that in order to even graduate from school, to have an education, you needed money.

Eventually (thank God), my siblings and I returned to school but we went to school with this fear of being cut off by the school system. We went to school with this reminder that our parents worked and shed blood, sweat and tears just to give us an education that they never really had... which would explain why many poor students like us, take studies seriously.

Looking back now, I remembered being bitter. However, what my family experienced was the reality of what happens when you have no money. It was an reality that not many people can relate or talk about.

Since secondary school, working part time was something that had crossed my mind multiple times, especially when I was the eldest child. However, my parents encouraged me to not take up a part time job, telling me to focus on my studies instead.

I finally got to experience what it was like to manage both work and school when I entered Poly. I remembered when my Mum first got diagnosed with Stage 3 breast tumour, I took over my Mum's place to clean houses in Sentosa. This part time job wasn't something I mentioned to my friends though it was good to help the family. In the beginning, it was hard to balance both work and school. I do admit that my grades had dropped by the end of the Semester but I never regretted taking up the part time job, even if it was labour intensive and time demanding.

Going back to that faithful incident that had happened in the canteen, I didn't blame my friend who made a remark for studies coming first in response to my friend's plight. I understood that she wasn't trying to make light of the situation, that she was just reminding my other friend who, had not been able to balance both work and studies properly, that she should have a balance. The remark came from a good place.

Students who come from financially stable backgrounds may not understand the fears or pressure of having to support themselves just so they could survive or even graduate from school especially at a young age.

In a way, growing up with this fear of being cut off from attending school had made me appreciate school more and see it as a blessing. It made me see that education shouldn't be a privilege, that it should be a right regardless of one's economical background. Up till this day, my family's financial situation isn't all that stable but it's good enough for us to go to school and have food on the table. I still strive to get good grades and make my school days count.

At the end of the day, it all depends on the students to believe that studies come first. To me, I do see the importance of studies coming first but I know that good grades are just good grades. Disclaimer alert, not saying that good grades are not important. I acknowledge that good grades allows you to have more 'opportunities', in a way that you can further your studies if you are entering, let's say University, based on grades. However, I also acknowledge the fact that good grades aren't everything.

Thus, whenever I meet people who struggle to balance work and school, there is this sense of understanding. Sometimes students who work have no choice and really needed that money, and in the process of that, affected their studies. One could never understand the struggles that poor students who chose to work and study, had gone through. Thus, here is a shoutout to all these students. It must have been hard but keep pushing on.

That being said, I am also sure that students who come from financially stable backgrounds have their own fair of struggles and pressures to meet. I've also had some friends who's families owned businesses and are pressured to meet the expectation of having good grades. One could never completely related with each other's struggles but we all know what it's like when people really say that "Life is hard".

- Micah

[micah-the-mango]

Dear Father

6 January 2019

I remembered the first time you said the F word to me.

I was four years old and I had left my toys lying around. You scolded me for making a mess and that was when I heard you swear at me for the first time.

I remembered the first time you told me I was worthless and useless.

I was eight years old and had failed all of my tests, excluding English.

I remembered the first time you threatened to slap me.

I was ten and I was defending Mum from being hit by you. You and Mum had been fighting and in your rage, you started to hit Mum. I remembered your bloodshed eyes looking at me when I told you to stop hitting Mum.

I remembered the first time you told me to jump off the window.

I was eleven and I kept on coming home late from school. I didn't want to go home and instead stayed in the school library to study. You thought I was hanging out somewhere else.

I remembered the first time you asked if I was pregnant.

I was twelve years old and my period was late. It was during the New Year celebration when you asked in your drunken state and even asked if I had a boyfriend. It was barely two weeks after I was almost raped by a mover and fell victim to sexual assault. That night, it was the first time I dragged a razor across my skin.

I remembered the first time you told me that no boy would like me

I was thirteen and was boyish. I never liked wearing dresses or skirts and opted to wear shirts and jeans to church every week. You also told me that the boy that I liked would laugh at my fashion style.

I remembered the first time I started to have nightmares about you.

I was fifteen and I dreamt that in your rage, you had killed everyone in the family. Items were strewn around the house and blood was everywhere. In the dream, I was the only one alive and you were throwing items at me. I woke up from the dream to find myself crying in my sleep. I cried even harder and that dream has been a recurring dream ever since.

Father, Father, don't you see the impact of your own words?

Each time you rage, we were forced to complete submission and silence. If we fight back, you would threaten to hit us. All we could do was bite our tongues and prevent our tears from flowing.

Each night after an episode of your rage ends, we would all cry in our sleep and sleep with heavy hearts.

Each time an episode happens, you never apologized nor did you change. Instead, you kept giving excuses to justify your words.

Father, Father, Mum told us that one of your fears would be your children hating you.

Father, Father, can't you see that because of your words, your children grew up hating you?

Father, Father, you made us wondered if we had done anything wrong each time you scolded us for no reason. You made us wondered if we were bad children growing up.

Each time I saw a father and a child having a good relationship, I look at them with envy.

Father, Father, even up till now, you are still the same. I thought we would have built resistance to your words but no, they still continued to hurt.

Father, Father, I tell a few people that I have a hard time loving or forgiving you. Little did they understand or know the pain or hell you had put us through.

Father, Father, I was taught by God to love you but why are you making it so hard for us?

Father, Father, I still have a hard time loving or forgiving you.

So, Father in Heaven, teach me to love and forgive. It's so hard.

[micah-the-mango]

Do You Still Believe In Love?

4 December 2018

Today during lunch, my girls was talking about love and relationships. Sheryl was talking about her family's history of failed marriages where in almost every generation, someone's marriage will fall apart. Sheryl's parents were not immune to this curse and separated when she was 12.

Somehow, the atmosphere that surrounded us became heavy and we all realized that we have this fear of saying 'Yes' to the wrong man and the repercussions that will soon follow after.

The thing about love stories, dramas and movies is that most stories are portrayed positively. At moments where these love stories portray the characters fighting, they will make up and things will be alright.

The media hardly portrays the dark side of relationships where there is the presence of different types of abuse or relationships falling apart. The media hardly portrays parents divorcing and the impacts the separation has on their children.

The thing about being in a relationship is that you don't really know what you are completely signing yourself up with. You can choose to know a person very well before getting together but we always forget that people change in the course of their life. You can never really know a person too well.

I look at my parents and their relationship. On most days, my parents can be extremely loving to each other. Each time Dad leaves the house, he would kiss Mum on the cheek and say 'I love you' to her. On days where Dad comes home late from work, Mum will stay awake and patiently wait for Dad to return because she knew how Dad could never eat dinner without her.

At the same time, I also grew up watching my parents fight and how Dad had hit or scolded Mum for no reason. I grew up seeing my Dad had an affair with another lady even though he already had a family. At one point of my life , the fighting became bad to the point where my parents almost wanted to divorce. I was just 10 when Mum sat my siblings and I down and told us to that they were going to separate and to choose between staying with her or Dad.

After the whole ordeal with Sam, I found myself watching Riverdale (a TV show based on the Archie Comics) and other romantic novellas less and less. I found myself reading less fanfiction online. I found myself making the decision to avoid writing love stories whenever I receive love prompts online.

It's funny, really, at how I view love because recently, a lot of the people I know are either getting married or are at the brink of getting together. Each time someone gets together with someone or is getting married, I cannot help but be happy for them, sometimes even screaming or crying with them in joy.

But then again, break ups can screw with your mind.

And so, when Sheryl asked if I still believe in love after all that had happened...

I didn't know how to answer.

[micah-the-mango]

What Serving Taught Me: A Series

28 November 2018

In preparation for a decision that I am going to make after my term test, I will be starting a series of blog posts on the lessons that serving in Ministry has taught me and how have these lessons shaped the person I am today and influenced the way I serve.

What I am going to share will be based on the real life experience and encounters that I had while serving. I guess I felt compelled to recall everything that I had went through and hopefully they serve as reminders for me whenever Ministry gets tough.

Disclaimer, please do not expect too much from an 18 year old girl. What I have learnt may not be something that you agree on and that is okay. We all view things differently. That being said, I claim to be no expert when it comes to Ministry. I am still and will always be growing.

P.S. For those who are close to me, the series does not serve to throw shade at any people. Just saying.

[micah-the-mango]

Always looking good too.

Shane Madej during The Haunting of Hannah Williams.

[micah-the-mango]

Always looking good. Yes.

Ryan Bergara during The Haunting of Hannah Williams.

[micah-the-mango]

This is the story of the brave little ghost hunter. He went to places all around the world. And eventhough he never really found anything, he found something more important. His courage.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RYAN STEVEN BERGARA! November 26th, 1990.

[micah-the-mango]

Happy Birthday to this guy overhere.

Ryan + a yellow Lakers jersey throughout the years

⭐ 26.11.1990 ⭐

[micah-the-mango]

#from a supermodel #to a scared little shit

[micah-the-mango]

Silent War

25 November 2018 

My life is a mess. 

A lot went down last night. A drama that was brewing from the beginning had simmered over and escalated into a full blown explosion. More like the kettle holding the tea had decided to explode into many hot pieces, not being able to withstand the pressure. And when these hot pieces of kettle hit someone, that someone is bound to get hurt, maybe some burns and blisters. 

Sometimes I wondered if I should have kept my mouth shut, not told anyone about it. Then again, how could I stay silent when everything that’s been said carries so much meaning and emotion? They say actions speaks louder than words but when these words explains one’s actions, they’re all the same. 

It makes me think back to all of those words of encouragements you’ve given to me and a group of other people. Back when I thought you were really someone who somehow has that fire for God. Were you really faking it to hide how tired or how used you felt? Did those words of encouragement or verses that you’ve written to us carried any meaning at all?

It hurts to read those words over and over and over again to point where my head plays these words as though my mind was a broken recorder. I want to tell someone who is older, someone who maybe has more experience and authority to deal with this but I keep on thinking about the implications of what’s come. 

We tried very hard to protect you, you know. We didn’t tell the higher ups about what was said, mainly because we knew what would happen and how you would feel. We knew what could possibly happen because it has happened before. The war that had happened in the past scarred us all.  Everyone had made it out alive with trauma and battle scars as reminders of the ordeal we went through. 

But behold, despite trying to keep things under the wraps, there will always be a way for us to screw things up. There was never a fool proof plan to avoid such wars from happening again. We are after all, human, and it’s in the blood and nature of mankind to start a war. At the end of the way, we’re just savages trying to live a civilized life. 

At the end of the day, no matter how much we tried, we had screwed up. A war that started in the darkness had continued on to day and soon, this war that’s been happening will come to light by someone. I just know it. 

I’ve reached the point where as a soldier, i’m tired of fighting. Maybe not just tired, but demoralised and at the brink of surrendering. Sometimes it’s easier to succumb to the pain instead of being the first in line to get shot. Biting the bullet hadn’t been easy and it never will. 

I have no clue what’s to come but for now, I am choosing to flee from the enemy’s base and target range. It’s as though we are part of the losing end of the battle where many have died and little are left to fight. 

Should we continue to fight or surrender? 

I have no clue anymore. 

But like what most war themed movie say, God bless to those who fight for the betterment and survival of the country. 

Hope God bless us too. 

[micah-the-mango]

Pharmacy Week Carnival 2018

23 October 2018

Hi there! On 20 October 2018, TOPS helped out for this event called Pharmacy Week Carnival 2018 that was hosted by the Pharmaceutical Society of Singapore. This carnival is hosted every year to educate the general public on certain health and medical related issues and this year, the carnival focuses on Antibiotics.

To begin, I had to make my way to Ang Mo Kio Central Stage where we were having the Pharmacy Carnival and man, it was crowded!

Caption: A pic of the Central Stage yesterday ^^

During the Carnival, my duty was to mend this station game where people can throw plastic balls to knock down little monsters that represents bacteria. As the stages progresses from Stage 1 to 3, the level of difficulty will be harder. The game serves as a visual to explain how as the bacteria in our body becomes stronger, they will start to develop and become more resistant to the antibiotic medication.

Now here's a fun fact, I studied Chinese language (Mandarin is the correct term) as part of my Mother Tongue language since Kindergarten and it's been close to two years since I last spoke fluent Mandarin. Today had been the first time I had to speak fluent Mandarin to explain the meaning behind the game and whew, thank God I studied the language for almost the entirety of my existence.

Anywho, in between our shift, Xiang Fei managed to 'steal' Victor's badge by unpinning it from his bag and passing it to me. It was really funny as Victor kept on going around and asking people if they had taken his badge. Really, it's just the usual harmless 'steal somebody's name tag game'. That being said, sorry Victor HAHA.

Caption: Straight after Xiang Fei passed to me Victor's badge.

After doing our stations, Elaine and I went around the other booths and behold, they were giving out samples of medications and stuff they sold at Pharmacies. Literally everyone was scrambling to get their hands on as many samples as possible. I mean, who doesn't love freebies?

Caption: A picture of some freebies we managed to get. I'm pretty sure there were more products, nice.

As the day passed, fewer and fewer people were around the Central Stage and by the end of the day, we were really drained. However, it's really nice to help out at this event and really network with some of the Pharmacists who were helping out for the event as well. Managed to get some tips and advices when it comes to choosing what elective cluster (Pharmacy Practice, Forensics and Manufacturing) do I wanna get and I guess I'm still leaning towards Pharmacy Practice.

That being said, it had been a swell time today and what a way to spend the weekend!

Captain: Mandatory post group photo. Naise one, TOPs!

- Micah

[micah-the-mango]

BBS Children's Day: I Am Special

From Planning to Execution, A Timeline :) 

7 October 2018

Hi there! September is ending and October is coming which means one thing! We’ll be planning for our Boom Boom Sunday Children’s Day Event special! Whoops whoops! Unlike the previous Boom Boom Sunday Teachers Day Special, I was in charge of facilitating one of the big room games and the decor for the event! 

5 October 2018, Saturday (1 DAY BEFORE THE EVENT) 

As always, it was somewhat a tradition for the team to experience the adrenaline rush and stress even as we last minute prepare for the event the day before. On the day, we prepared the gifts with some of us packing the goodie bags and making the shrink key chains. 

Then came the time to set up the decoration and oh my goodness, I did not expect decor to take up so much of our prep time. 

Here’s what went down. 

Firstly, Dawn and I had to stick our paper spiders around our Spider Web big room game just to give off this spider web ambiance in the room. After that, we had to stick cellophane paper onto the ceiling lights so that the room could be a different colour. For the Spider Web room, we used blue cellophane paper and for the Minefield room, we used red cellophane paper. Surprisingly, it was sticking the cellophane paper unto the ceiling lights that really took a lot of time and effort (Sorry Boom Boom team!!) 

Next, I had to use the black and yellow barricade tape and paste it unto the glass section of the doors. The adhesive of the tape turned out to by way stickier than I expected, and so when I accidentally stuck the tape unto the wooden part of the door, some of the wood paint came off. :( 

Thirdly, I had to stick the red and white barricade tape unto the sliding door which separates the chapel and the waiting area outside the chapel. 

7 October 2018 (D-Day!) 

On 7th Oct, we had our Boom Boom Sunday Children's Day Event!! For the facilitating game, I worked together with Dawn to come up with the instructions of our room game; Spider Web! We kinda knew the kids love, love, LOVE Spider Web, no matter how many times they played it. And since the theme was kinda like Spy themed, Spider Web does seem like an appropriate game for the theme, since the kids can move around like secret agents! (Tee Hee!)

When the event started, I was really amazed to see the children taking part in their 'Missions' just so they could find out what was the secret message as part of their big Mission as secret agents. It was really tiring as we had about six groups of kids and we had to repeat the instructions over and over like a broken recorder. Not to mention that some of the kids were also really hyper, yikes!

After the missions were done, I did my life lesson on the eagle and the chicken. The overall moral of the entire story was how even though we may look different and have different talents, all of us are special in God's eyes because we are still His children, which links back to the events' theme and secret message on 'I Am Special.'

After the lessons, we gave out the goodie bags to our kids and took a group photo.

All in all, it’s really heartwarming to know that even in the midst of the chaos with kids screaming and running around and the Boom Boom team having to fuss around, the kids enjoyed the event. :)

That being said, taking down the decoration after the event was thankfully easier than putting them up the day before. It was kinda sad to take down the decoration due to the sheer amount of effort we took to really put it up. Side note, it was fun planning the decoration. I gotta admit, I did let my mind run wild with all the decor, heh.

- Micah

[micah-the-mango]

And Then There Was One

25 October 2018

It's past 2am and I can't sleep again. Most probably its because of all the workload that school has been dumping unto me for the past few weeks.

Yesterday I had the best birthday ever, even though my family wasn't around to celebrate it with me. As someone who hates celebrating her birthday, it's truely a blessing from God to have such wonderful friends who went the extra mile to remember and wish me.

And then your birthday text came along before the clock struck midnight and my heart dropped a bit. It wasn't a long text (always been short from you, no biggie) but it was a reminder that this year is the first year we are celebrating my birthday as friends.

Your message started off with a simple wish and how you weren't expecting a reply from me. After that, you texted again on how much you were sorry on how things had turned out between the both of us and that you wanted us to still be friends. Then...

The last bit of your message was how you hope we could still either go to USS or Disneyland someday because Jamie doesn't like themed parks and that you were willing to pay for our seasonal pass...

That message had a single tear rolling down my cheek. Whether it was because of pain, hurt or even a tiny bit of joy, I had no idea. But one thing's for sure, I'm no longer angry at you. True, my heart still hurts like hell, but God, you had always been so so good to me. I don't know what I did to deserve having you in my life, even if meant having you as just a friend.

It took me a while to reply but I was starting to feel numb again. I typed out Chapter 2 of 'Draped In Crimson' and cried somemore. I contemplated on whether or not to reply so I made the decision to just reply with a "Thanks Samuel :_)". It was good enough.

After replying, I reaalized that sleep wasn't going to be an easy gain, so I ended up making myself a cup of milo. A cup of milo that somehow ended up being too hot, I guess I wasn't really paying attention to how much hot water I poured into my cup. I only realized it was too hot when I took my first sip. The hot liquid flowed down my throat and it burned. I felt a few of my taste buds swell in protest. Pain tears started to sting my eyes.

Somehow, I find myself taking sip after sip until I finished my cup of milo. The burn and sting on my tongue was the only thing I was feeling.

Darn.

- Micah

Edit: (10:35am)

I woke up with a sorethroat. Darn.

[micah-the-mango]

Pieces of Us

23 October 2018 

I'm holding on to pieces of us

That I just can't let go

I know this is a desperate kind of love

But it feels like it's home

Here I am writing another letter to you. It had been more than two weeks since that encounter where you had decided to end it all. Up till now, my heart still hurts as though the encounter had just happened yesterday. I told myself that I should get better and that I’ll get over you soon. 

The problem was that I fell in too deep into the pit. 

And now I can’t get out. 

Each day, I look at items that serve as tangible reminders of you. From the Lakers sweatshirt to the black and pink comb which I once used daily. They are painful reminders that we never really worked out in the end. 

I look at my box and black notebook full of letters dedicated to you. During my darkest days from Secondary school, writing letters to you was like a coping mechanism for me. I wrote while I battled with my inner demons. I wrote while I battled with the negative thoughts that were swimming around in my head. I wrote while my face was streaked with tears falling and pooling around my chin. 

Now I look at the box and book with a twinge of regret and pain. I thought to myself that you will never be able to read whatever was written over the years, not because you didn’t deserve it but because it was too painful to hand it over to you. There was no way I am going to handover a very dark piece of myself. 

Maybe that was why we never worked out. I was too messed up and too emotionally dependent on you. I was too much to handle and ended up being a burden instead. And for that, I am sorry for becoming someone who needed fixing. I am sorry for being so emotionally dependent on you. I am sorry for not being able to look after myself. 

And so, each time I looked at the new girl who has captured your heart, I would understand why you would fall for her. I mean, I would to. The thought that she can make you happier than I could ever make you happy, hurts me the most. However, I know that you deserved to be happy, you deserved better. 

They say wounds take time to heal and I sure hope that the wound heals soon. 

- Micah 

[micah-the-mango]

Sentosa With My Girls

Hihi!!

On 12 October, I met up with Xiang Fei, Hazel, Sheryl and Elaine (yes, AGAIN) and we decided to go to Vivo City and Sentosa for the day!!

We met at Harbourfront MRT station and as always, everyone was late with Sheryl being the earliest of the group. (We gotta work on being on time HAHA)

Our first pit stop was to buy Koi and then later on went to Monster Curry to eat our lunch. As we were eating, we listened to some stories from Xiang Fei and Elaine.

After that, we walked out of Vivo City and walked to the train station that will bring us to Sentosa beaches. The reason why we walked from Vivo City was 'cos taking the train from Vivo City would cost us $4 each and it wasn't worth the money when you could just walk to the next station and ride for free. (Hm...) Anywho, our walk wasn't that boring as we were blessed with a beautiful view of the sea and listened to Sheryl's stories from her 10 day holiday in Korea.

Caption: A piece of the beautiful view we absorbed while walking :))

While walking, we also did a short pit stop to take a photo in front of the Universal Studios logo.

Caption: Just a bunch of girls acting like tourists in our homeland 😂

Once we reached the station, we took the train to beach station and walked in Palawan Beach where there wasn't a lot of people. From there, we laid the disposable mat on the sat and started to enjoy a bit after walking quite a bit.

After resting, Xiang Fei, Hazel and I decided to go to the ocean and just walk around. Mind you, the weather was so hot to the point where the sand was burning! As soon as our feet touched the waters, a huge wave (Ha) of relief just swept through.

Caption: Some shots by Hazel!

After that, we made our way to the bridge near the ocean and took more shots. The bridge too was also burning and it was honestly difficult to take some photos as the bridge kept moving with all the human traffic.

Caption: Some duo shots :)

Caption: Some solo shots. Credits to Hazel as always. :)

Caption: A selfie on the bridge :))

After taking some shots at the bridge, we decided to hang out on the ocean a bit and did some walking as we also picked up some sea shells.

All in all, it was a good day spending time with my girls again and even though we claim to be sick of seeing each other, we always look forward to seeing each other during the holidays.

Caption: And of course, a mandatory selfie (with credits to Sheryl)