micahdelanee-blog

[micahdelanee-blog]

walking out of your life like...

[micahdelanee-blog]

[micahdelanee-blog]

Love Unapologetically

The Prelude

I applaud your loyalty, I admire your love, and I adore your passion. But, I decline your uncertainty. And I refuse to believe that you are content with the space you’re in. I’ve been there, that place between letting it all go and feeling the urge to fight for what you know is yours. I’m not an expert and I definitely don’t have all the answers but, I do know that love does not always reveal itself in the same way and have the same implications for everyone. Pay close attention.

Phase 1

In the African American culture, women rely heavily on the views and opinions of our friends and loved ones. Much so that we find ourselves having them make the decisions that we should have full control over. From things as minuscule as, how we should get our hair done, to the topic at hand, love. It has handicapped our minds and we are now lacking self trust. Many times, we seek the approval of others when we feel alone, without looking at the place that individual is in themselves. There was a point in time where nothing and no one could convince me that my fairy tale would come to an end but, that day came. It was a feeling that I had never experienced in my life and one that I now know, no one around me had either. Let’s just name him “ Jake”. I was blessed enough to have experienced genuine love at a young age, something that most aren't accustomed to. Not many people can say that the love of their life was one of their best friends since they were ten years old. Naturally, I'm an introvert. I like to deal with my problems myself, so as you can probably imagine, losing the one person who I was most comfortable tell everything to, took a toll on me. I strayed from myself and clung to the words of everyone that expressed their opinions. “You’re too pretty to be crying over him” “I got somebody that want the plug” “Just move on and let it go” “He obviously never cared” Those things rang so loudly in my head that they muted my heart. These are things that many of us women have heard before and if you allow them to, those quotes can change you. I know that they were not said with malicious intent, in fact; they were to try to build me up. The one thing that I had not learned at the time was that these ideologies were coming from people who were not versed in my particular situation and just as anyone else, had their own issues. We have to remember to filter the advice given to us.

Phase 2

To the young women who has convinced herself to trust her second mind over her first, I’ve been sent to tell you to stop. That is a lack of trust in your own intellect. I allowed myself to do that for two years and even though I had a smile on my face I was hurting inside. By marinating  on the views of others I had trained myself to not even mention his name. Although I missed him, I kept my distance, he looked happy and I would never want to ruin that. This is when things get a little weird, I started to get feelings and have dream about “Jake” at the most random times. They would have subliminal messages that would tell me that I should just check up on him but, I didn’t. Here and there we would speak but, “Jake” was involved with someone new and I didn’t want to overstep those boundaries. I was in a place where I loved someone who I thought didn't love me back. It tore me up and made me believe that the fairy tale I once spoke of, may have been as unrealistic as any glass slipper or Fairy God Mother.

Phase 3

In a society that is not in favor of our black men, I truly believe it is our duty to pick up the slack as black women. Build them up, be that rib, and show them how undeniably talented they are. Don’t just support their dreams but, help them achieve them. Some may disagree but, I would rather stir up controversy than add to those cookie cutter views we feel inclined to conform to. It had been two years of me going back and fourth with myself. Trying to decide if I should go after what I know in my heart is mine or silently take a back seat. I knew what I wanted and what was best for me but, I was scared.The action is not what scared me, it was the unknown reaction. I didn't know how my thoughts and feelings were going to be perceived or if they were going to be received. I realized that there are so many excuses that obstruct us from doing the things we are called to do and being the person we are meant to be. Wether it be for lesson or lifetime, the outcomes of situations are designed to help and not hinder us.

The Final Phase

I’ll never be able to describe the feeling when I heard the words, “how can you still love me so much, after all that I’ve put you through?” In school they don’t teach us about life. Love is life, love is transparent, and love is unconditional. Its not something that has to be understood by all of our friends and family and it’s not something that everybody finds, contrary to popular belief. When you’ve found it and know that it’s honest, it’s pure, and real, I encourage you to fight for it. Even if you feel like your fighting alone, we have to remember that it has never been a crime to follow your heart. If someone told me two years ago that I would be sitting in my grandmothers living room, with tears in my eyes, praying, and holding the hands of my best friend, who is a amazing black man, I know I wouldn't have believed you. But, that very day I made a promise to him and myself that I will always be a friend first and I will love him unapologetically, without any shame or second thought. So as I said before I applaud your loyalty, I admire your love, and I adore your passion but, allow yourself to be vulnerable and not settle for what someone else may say is your destiny. Love on that black man for as long as your heart tells you to, don’t be surprised to find that it may have been exactly what you both needed. If your situation is anything like mine I challenge you to trust yourself and remember that there is not an entity that can stop what is meant to be.

…. I am unapologetically Micah.