Fitness junkie, Dad, Husband, Firefighter, Rollerblader, Rockclimber, Alpha Phi Alpha, Author and Lifelong Learner.
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A Brief Summary of Ideas: Of Boys and Men
*These summaries are kept intentionally very brief, just hitting what I consider some of the important/interesting takeaways, most word-for-word or paraphrased. My goal is also to stick to ideas/principals that might guide others (or my future self) in deciding the value of a read (or re-reading). T = takeaway, Q = Question
Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male is Struggling, Why it Matters, and What to do About It
Author(s): Richard V. Reeves
Gender gap in education.
Main cause is very different speeds at which boys and girls mature.
Almost every college in the US now has mostly female students.
Male students are more likely to “stop out” and drop out.
Men are losing ground in the labor market.
Male jobs have been hit by a one-two punch of automation and free trade.
One word explanation for the pay gap: children.
Essentially all the income gains of middle-class families since the 70’s are due to the rise in womens earnings.
Fathers have lost their traditional role in the family.
Role of mothers has been expanded to include breadwinning as well as caring, but the role of fathers has not been expanded to include caring.
Cultural lag where our views of masculinity have not caught up to the changes in the job market.
Wifeless men are often a mess. Compared to married men, their health is worse, their employment rates are lower, and their social networks are weaker.
Most children in the US will not spend their whole childhood with both biological parents.
Black boys and men face acute challenges.
Throughout the educational pipeline African American males lag behind both their female and while male counterparts.
Poor boys and men are suffering.
Deaths of despair: mortality from drug overdoses, suicides, and alcohol related illnesses. Overall almost 3x higher among men than women.
The wage gap between men and women has narrowed, but the gap between highly paid workers and everyone else has widened.
Economic difficulties of working class men ends up hurting families and putting more pressure on men.
Men are seeking a more solid social anchor, more certainty about how to be in the world.
Men have fewer friends than women, and are more at risk of isolation.
Boys raised in families in the bottom fifth of the income distribution are less likely to escape poverty as an adult than girls from similarly poor homes.
Most social programs seems to work for girls and women, but not for boys and men. (Exception of vocationally oriented programs.)
Hard to find examples of government funded programs that work well for anyone.
Problem seems to be a decline in agency, aspiration, and motivation.
Nature and nurture both matter.
Sex differences in biology shape not only our bodies and brains, but our psychology.
Aggression, risk (men take more), and sex (male drive is higher) are where the differences are most pronounced.
While certain traits are more associated with one sex than the other, distributions overlap, especially among adults.
Sex differences can be magnified or muted by culture and personal agency.
Average sex differences don’t’ justify the institutionalization of gender inequality.
Average differences between groups should not influence how we view individuals.
Manhood is fragile. Womanhood is more robust because it is more determined by women’s specific role in reproduction. Masculinity is defined at least as much by behavior as biology.
“Goal is to cultivate men who would be acceptable at a dance and invaluable in a shipwreck.” -J.F. Roxburgh
Maturity means, among other things, an ability to calibrate your behavior in a way that renders it appropriate to the circumstances.
The political left is in denial.
Four major political failings.
Tendency to pathologize naturally occurring aspects of masculine identity.
Individualism (problems seen as individual failings vs. structural).
Unwillingness to acknowledge any biological basis for sex differences.
Fixed conviction that gender inequality can only run one way.
Toxic masculinity is almost never defined, instead used to simply signal disapproval.
Most people identify pretty strongly as either masculine or feminine.
The political right wants to turn back the clock.
3 big weaknesses for the conservative agenda.
Many conservatives fuel male grievances for political gain.
Overweight the importance of biological sex differences for gender roles.
See the solution to men’s problems as lying in the past rather than the future.
3 Main educational reforms:
Giving boys an extra year of pre-k.
Recruitment drive of male teachers into classrooms.
Significant investments in vocational education.
Getting men into the jobs of the future.
HEAL jobs (health, education, administration, literacy).
Given decline in traditionally male occupations, men should look to these sectors for jobs.
Diversifying professions would also help meet their growing demand for labor.
Make it more likely that boys and men could find male providers of these services.
Need to build a pipeline, provide financial incentives, and reduce the social stigma.
You have to see it to be it.
Fatherhood as an independent social institution.
Dads are wired to make two distinct contributions: protection and teaching.
Policy agenda includes:
equal and independent paid leave eligibility.
reformed child support systems.
father-friendly employment opportunities.
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A Brief Summary of Ideas: Cancelling of the American Mind
*These summaries are kept intentionally very brief, just hitting what I consider some of the important/interesting takeaways, most word-for-word or paraphrased. My goal is also to stick to ideas/principals that might guide others (or my future self) in deciding the value of a read (or re-reading). T = takeaway, Q = Question
The Cancelling of the American Mind: Cancel Culture Undermines Trust and Threatens Us All – But There is a Solutuion
Author(s): Greg Lukianoff and Rikki Schlott
Social media breeds bad arguments. Personal attacks, dismissive cliches, and ever growing taboos. These destructive methods of argumentation help people assert moral superiority and “win” arguments by simply shutting down the other side.
When two idealogues argue on social media, the goal is often to “keep arguing until the other gives up”.
Great untruth of ad hominem: bad people only have bad opinions.
Cancel culture: uptick beginning around 2014 of campaigns to get people fired, disinvited, deplatformed, or otherwise punished for speech that is protected by first amendment standards and the climate of fear and conformity that has resulted.
Cancel culture is just one symptom of a larger problem: the use of cheap rhetorical tactics to win arguments. Part of a dysfunctional way members of our society have learned to argue and battle for power, status, and dominance.
Allows people to dismiss their ideological opponents without refuting their arguments (and intimidating anyone who might make that same point).
Regardless of success, it inculcates fear in onlookers.
Canceling dissenters undermines faith in all of the institutions we rely on to understand the world. When trust in the experts crumbles, the result is an epistemic crisis.
“…to curtail free expression strikes twice at intellectual freedom, for whoever deprives another of the right to state unpopular views necessarily also deprives others of the right to listen to those views.” – The Yale Woodford Report
“To me, debating influential ideas openly, rather than letting them go unchallenged, is far more likely to help society reach the right answers." – James Bennet
First amendment is primarily needed to protect minority views, unpopular opinions, and the expression of those who clash with the ruling elite.
When it becomes clear that someone is lying to you “for your own good” trust is badly eroded.
If experts are all compelled to think the same way and say the same things, how can we trust them to tell us the truth?
Censorship on one platform may lead to an increase in the amount of similar content on other platforms.
Dirty tricks of dysfunctional discourse:
Whataboutism: bringing up other sides alleged wrongdoing.
Straw-manning: misrepresenting the oppositions perspective by constructing a weak inaccurate version of their argument.
Minimization: claiming that a problem doesn’t exist or is too small scale to worry about.
Motte and Bailey arguments: conflating two arguments—a reasonable one and an unreasonable one.
Underdogging: claiming your viewpoint is more valid because you speak for a disadvantaged party.
Accusations of bad faith: asserting your opponent is being disingenuous or other ulterior motives.
Hypocrisy projection: asserting that your opponent is hypocritical about a given argument without actually checking their consistency.
“That’s offensive”: responding to an idea you don’t like with “that’s offensive”.
Offense archaeology: digging through someone’s past comments to find speech that hasn’t aged well.
Making stuff up: fabricating information to bolster a weak argument.
Left wing’s Perfect Rhetorical Fortress:
Is the speaker conservative?
What’s the speakers race?
What’s the speakers sex?
What’s the speakers sexuality?
Is the speaker trans or cis?
Can the speaker be accused of being “phobic”?
Are they guilty by association?
Did the speaker lose their cool?
Did the speaker violate a “thought terminating cliché”?
Can you emotionally blackmail someone?
Darkly hint something else is “what’s really going on”?
The Right’s Efficient Rhetorical Fortress:
You don’t have to listen to liberals (and anyone can be labeled liberal if they have the wrong opinion).
You don’t have to listen to experts (if they have the wrong opinion).
You don’t have to listen to journalists (if they have the wrong opinion).
You don’t need to listen to anyone who isn’t pro trump (for MAGA wing).
On the left and right people overestimate how prevalent extreme views are on the opposite side.
Schismogenesis: contends group identity is formed in opposition to competing groups.
How to keep your kids from getting canceled?
Best bet is to keep them off social media as long as possible.
No paranoid parenting that inculcates the 3 Great Untruths (teaching kids danger is everywhere, validating their sense that something is too hard, protecting them from difficult situations).
Growing up, kids look to their parents for cues on how to navigate the world.
Revive the golden rule
Encourage free, unstructured time
Emphasize friendships (the kinds of things that lead to meaningful relationships are the kinds of things that lead to the demise of cancel culture).
Teach kids about differences (people can come to opposite conclusions in order to solve the same problem and ultimately care about the same thing).
Practice what you preach (parents probably teach their children far more by example than what they actually say. You’re your kids biggest role model).
What we say is in our control, but what other people make of what we say is beyond it.
Keeping your corporation out of the culture war.
Start thinking of staff diversity in more dynamic terms.
A commitment to everyone’s free speech as policy.
Enforce an accept it or move on mindset.
Make sure your HR team is on the same page.
Be a politically neutral organization.
Don’t do all hands meetings. One or one or small groups.
Anonymous surveys.
Don’t take any rash action (if cancel culture mob comes for an employee).
Fixing K-12
Start seeing kids as unique, intellectually independent individuals. The goal of K-12 is creating thoughtful citizens, not activists.
Emphasize curiosity, and critical thinking.
Foster antifragility and emotional wellbeing.
Avoid 3 common unhelpful lessons (oppressor-oppressed dichotomy, trigger warnings / safe spaces / proactive censorship, punishing students for bad jokes or faux pax).
Build from the ground up.
Reforming Higher Education
Adopt an official, written commitment to free speech
Teach students about free speech
Dump any speech codes
Survey students
Defend your students and professors from cancellation early and often
Ban political litmus tests
Abstain from taking political stances
Install academic freedom ombudsman
Cut down bureaucracy
Demand results
Stop requiring college degrees
For new institutions and systems
Micro-credentialing
Small scale pods
Prestige level tests
Have more ways for self-motivated students to prove themselves as the best and brightest without the huge cost of a degree
What is Free Speech Culture?
Encapsulated by sayings like “it’s a free country, to each his own, sticks and stones”.
Culture must be highly tolerant of difference.
Utility of free speech: all human expression (even untrue or harmful) contains information about the world as it is and human beliefs as they are.
Our norms guide our laws.
Censorship envy: if my neighbor gets to ban speech he reviles, why shouldn’t I get to do the same?
How can culture maintain free speech when upcoming generations are dubious about its value?
“He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that.”-John Stuart Mill
Always take serious the possibility you might be wrong.
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A Brief Summary of Ideas: Good Inside
*These summaries are kept intentionally very brief, just hitting what I consider some of the important/interesting takeaways, most word-for-word or paraphrased. My goal is also to stick to ideas/principals that might guide others (or my future self) in deciding the value of a read (or re-reading). T = takeaway, Q = Question
Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be
Author(s): Dr. Becky Kennedy
Behaviorism: Theory of learning that focuses on observable actions. Privileges shaping behavior above understanding it.
Many parents see behavior as a measure of who are kids are, rather than using behavior as a clue to what our kids might need.
Understanding, not convincing, is what makes people feel secure in a relationship.
Good Inside: assumption that at our core we are compassionate, loving, and generous.
What is my most generous interpretation of what just happened? Teaches parents to attend to what is going on inside their child, rather than outside.
We can parent with a firm set of expectations and still be playful.
Multiplicity: the ability to accept multiple realities at once—is critical to healthy relationships. “Two things are true.”
In any system, clearly defined roles and responsibilities are critical.
Children are more able to experience strong feelings than they are to regulate them. The gap is dysregulated behavior.
The goal is to teach our kids how to manage all of their feelings. *We are the primary vehicle for this teaching, not through lectures or logic, but through the experiences our children have with us.
T= Maybe create a new phrase when some problem pops up around kids. “OK, lets solve the problem then see if we want to be upset about it.”
Boundaries are not what we tell our kids not to do; boundaries are what we tell kids we will do.
Validation: Seeing someone’s emotional experience as real and true.
Empathy: Ability to understand and relate to the feelings of another person.
Parental job description: keep your child safe, emotionally and physically, using boundaries, validation, and empathy.
The way parents interact with kids in their early years forms the blueprint they take with them into the world.
Attachment theory suggests that children are wired to seek out and attach to individuals who provide the comfort and security they need to survive.
Relationships with parents that include responsiveness, warmth, predictability, and repair when things feel bad set a child up to have a secure base.
The more children feel they can depend on a parent, the more independent they can be.
Internal family systems: therapeutic model that considers different parts within a person, as opposed to thinking about a person in a singular manner. You are multifaceted.
NO. It’s not to late to repair and reconnect with your kids.
Two things are true: brains wire early and it has a remarkable capacity to rewire.
As parents, it’s not your fault but it IS your responsibility.
There is no one right way to repair. Key element is connection after disconnection. Baseline to dos: say you’re sorry, share your reflections, say what you wish you had done differently and what you plan to do in the future.
When your child sees you as a work in progress, they learn they can learn from their struggles and take responsibility when they act in a way they aren’t proud of.
Solid relationships aren’t solid because they lack conflict, they’re solid because the people in them possess the ability to reconnect after disagreements.
Resilience is better than happiness. Regulation first, happiness second.
Resilience is the ability to experience a wide range of emotions and still feel like ourselves.
The more we emphasize our childrens happiness and “feeling better", the more we set them up for an adulthood of anxiety. “Discomfort happens, discomfort is where I learn.”
Parenting should be driven by one goal: I want my child to be able to cope with whatever the world throws their way.
On the surface we see a behavior and underneath we see a person.
If we don’t build a sturdy foundation with our kids – one based in trust, understanding, and curiosity—then we have nothing keeping them attached to us.
Reduce shame, increase connection.
Given that childrens survival is dependent on attachment, their bodies read shame as “ultimate danger”.
Shame makes any situation more combustible.
When a child is overwhelmed with shame, we must be willing to put our original “goal” (apology, honest answer, etc.) to the side and instead focus on reducing the shame.
Tell the truth.
Four ways:
1) Confirming your child’s perception.
2) Honoring your child’s questions.
3) Labeling what you don’t know.
4) Focusing on the how instead of the exact what.
Discuss and validate the challenges they may face soon, and verbalize or even rehearse how they might handle it.
In reality, selfless parenting doesn’t help anyone.
We can’t pour energy into our kids if we have no energy to give.
We need cooperation from others, but not approval.
When parents struggle with their kids, it almost always boils down to one of two problems: children don’t feel as connected to their parents as they want to, or children have some struggle or unmet need they feel alone with.
We get the biggest bang for our buck when we’re calm.
Play No Phone (PNP) Time.
“Did I ever tell you about the time.”
Kids lie for a few main reasons:
The line between fantasy and reality is murkier for them.
If they believe that telling the truth will threaten their attachment with their parents.
To assert their independence.
Reframe the lie as a wish.
Wait and provide an opening later.
If it did happen…
Asking a child what they need to be honest.
Fear, at its most basic level, is the body’s response to a perceived threat.
Our goal is to recognize when our child is in a fear state and help move them from “I’m in danger” to “I am safe”.
Learning the details around a fear gives you more information to help your child.
Trying to convince a child out of a state of anxiety only makes the anxiety worse.
Jump into the hole with them. Try dry runs. Have a script for addressing specific fears.
Shyness.
One of the primary anxieties that drives a parents reaction to their child’s shyness is the concern that they will “be like this forever”.
Must see our kids for who they are and what they need as separate from who we are and what we need.
I’m here. Take your time.
Avoid labeling.
Frustration intolerance.
A deep paradox about learning: the more we embrace not knowing and mistakes, the more we set the stage for growth, success, and achievement.
If we want our kids to develop frustration tolerance, we have to develop tolerance for their frustration. The more I’m ok with their struggling, the more they will be.
Show up in a calm, regulated, non rushed, non blaming, non-outcome focused way.
Growth mindset.
Learning exposes our weaknesses and make us feel vulnerable.
Deep breaths. Mantras. Frame frustration as a sign of learning, not a sign of failure. Think in terms of coping, not success.
Food interactions with our kids touch on deeper issues as well: questions of body sovereignty, control, and whether a child can make their own decisions.
Minimizing anxiety around food is more important than consumption of food.
Division of responsibility (explain to kids):
Parents job is to decide what food is offered, where it is offered, when it is offered.
Childs job is to decide whether and how much to eat of what’s offered.
Consent.
I am in charge of my body. I am in charge of my boundaries. Give confidence to hold boundaries.
Kids are often taught that confidence means feeling good.
Confidence is our ability to feel at home with ourselves in the widest range of feelings, and it’s built from the belief that it’s ok to be who you are no matter what you’re feeling.
Instead of teaching your child to crave positive words from others, we teach them to notice what they’re doing and learn more about themselves.
Teach them to locate identity over observable behavior.
Kids who are prone to perfectionism are also prone to rigidity. There’s a narrow range in which they can feel safe and happy with themselves. Goal is to widen that range.
For separation to feel manageable have to internalize the feelings that often come in the presence of a parent, to trust that they are safe.
A vital part of separation is a parents ability to believe that their kids can cope.
Talk about separation and feelings. Routine + practice.
Sleep struggles are ultimately separation struggles.
Some kids feel things more deeply and get activated more quickly than other kids.
Parents of DFK’s have to commit to limiting the damage instead of solving the problem.
Move from blame to curiosity.
Containment fist.
You’re a good kid having a hard time.
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A Brief Summary of Ideas: Courage is Calling
*These summaries are kept intentionally very brief, just hitting what I consider some of the important/interesting takeaways, most word-for-word or paraphrased. My goal is also to stick to ideas/principals that might guide others (or my future self) in deciding the value of a read (or re-reading). T = takeaway, Q = Question
Courage is Calling: Fortune Favors the Bold
Author(s): Ryan Holiday
“Let us not wait for other people to come to us and call upon us to do great deeds. Let us instead be the first to summon the rest to the path of honor.” – Xenophon
“Somewhere inside we hear a voice…Our voice leads us in the direction of the person we wish to become, but it is up to us whether or not to follow.” – Pat Tillman
Virtue is something we do. It’s something we choose. It’s a daily challenge, one we face not once but constantly.
There is only one kind of courage: the kind where you put your ass on the line. You have to be braving something or someone.
Fear is the enemy of courage.
There is nothing worth doing that is not scary.
A scare is a temporary rush. Fear is a state of being, and to allow it to rule is a disgrace .
Explore our impressions. Get to the root of it, understand it, and explain it.
At the root of most fear is what other people will think of us.
They (our fears) are not nearly as formidable as your mind makes you think.
Out of fear we conform. We don’t even want other people to be themselves because it makes us uncomfortable.
You will have to stand alone from time to time.
Don’t be ashamed to need help.
It is the cowardice of others that creates the opportunities for the individual hero.
We can’t just be brave when it counts. It has to be something we cultivate.
If you’re going to speak out: sign your name.
Our duty is to do the right thing, right now.
Fear setting: defining and articulating the anxieties and doubts that hold us back.
With awareness, we can proceed.
Don’t worry about whether things will be hard. Because they will be.
It’s better to just get to work. To face what you’ve got to face sooner rather than later.
Don’t bother with, “what would I do if I were in their shoes?” Ask: “What am I doing now?”
There is no progress without risk.
We tell ourselves we’re thinking, that we’re weighing our options. In truth, we are paralyzed with fear.
Even if you choose not to decide, you have still made a choice.
Our fear points us in the direction of the right thing to do. Fear votes for hesitation. If we don’t find ourselves experiencing this hesitation every so often, we should know that we are not pushing ourselves enough.
When we flee in the direction of comfort, what we are fleeing is opportunity.
The opposite of fear is not cowardice, it’s apathy.
If you fear that there isn’t anything you can do, chances are you’ll do nothing…and you’ll also be nothing.
We can curse the darkness, or we can light a candle.
Courage is more than just the choice between the easy or hard road. One has to walk that hard road.
“If not me, then who? If not now, then when?” – Rabbi Hillel
It’s far more effective to replace fear with competence. Training is the key to overcoming fear.
Start small…on something big.
Whatever you’re not changing, you’re choosing.
Once the event is underway, momentum starts working for you, not against you.
Have a philosophy of offense. Of initiative. Even when you’re being cautious, it must come with the assumption of constant advance.
Courage, like fear, is contagious.
Fortune favors the bold.
“Be not afraid of greatness.” – Shakespeare
You have to believe you can make a difference.
Violence is rarely the answer—but when it is, it’s the only answer.
A confrontation that doesn’t need to happen, shouldn’t happen.
Where would we be without people brave enough to challenge the odds?
Somebody will be the exception and it may as well be me.
It’s what we’re willing to give that takes us higher. That transforms us from brave to heroic.
Courage is not an independent good. Heroes have a reason.
Whoever you are, wherever you live, whatever is going on. There’s more you can do.
We will our purpose into existence.
Hope powers us, and by spreading this hope we perform a heroic act.
Words don’t matter. Deeds do.
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A Brief Summary of Ideas: Beyond Order
*These summaries are kept intentionally very brief, just hitting what I consider some of the important/interesting takeaways, most word-for-word or paraphrased. My goal is also to stick to ideas/principals that might guide others (or my future self) in deciding the value of a read (or re-reading). T = takeaway, Q = Question
Beyond Order: 12 More Rules for Life
Author(s): Jordan B. Peterson
Neither the state of order no chaos is preferable, intrinsically, to the other.
A life without curiosity, that instinct pushing us into the unknown, would be a much diminished form of existence.
Rule 1: Do not carelessly denigrate social institutions or creative achievement
People depend on constant communication with others to keep their minds organized. We all need to think to keep things organized, but we mostly think by talking. We must submit the strategies and tactics we formulate to the judgement of others.
People are social beings, and there is no shortage of wisdom outside of us, embedded in the social world.
Necessity limits the universe of viable solutions. Plan must solve some real problem, must appeal to others, and it needs to work today in a way that doesn’t make tomorrow worse.
“How should you act?” is just the short term version of “how should you survive?”.
It is useful to take your place at the bottom of a hierarchy. It can aid in the development of gratitude and humility.
If there is a problem to be solved, and many people involve themselves in the solution, a hierarchy can and will arise. It is not power; it is the authority that properly accompanies ability.
A responsible person decides to make a problem his or her problem.
Must strike a balance between reasonable conservatism and revitalizing creativity.
Rule 2: Imagine who you could be, and them aim single-mindedly at that
Everyone has a sense that there is more to them than they have yet allowed to be realized.
We can code and represent that in the stories we tell about those we admire (and hate). And that is how we determine who we are and who we could become.
The hero is the embodied principle of action and perception that must rule over all the primordial psychological elements of lust, rage, hunger, thirst, terror and joy.
Who dares win—if he does not perish.
There is a development of character that adventure inevitably produces.
The change necessary to adapt when terrible things emerge is therefore a solution to the potentially fatal rigidity of erroneous certainty, excessive order, and stultification.
As time changes all things, every specific, value-predicated story may fail, in its particular incarnation and locale, and need replacement by something newer, more complete, but different.
Aim at something. Pick the best target your can currently conceptualize.
You need to map your path. You need to know where you were (so you don’t repeat the mistakes of the past), where you are (or you will not be able to draw a line from your starting point to your destination), and where you are going (or you will drown in uncertainty).
If you can find a better path along the way, switch course. Be careful, it isn’t easy to discriminate between changing paths and simply giving up.
Discipline and transformation will lead you forward.
Rule 3: Do not hide unwanted things in the fog
T = Always communicate. Even if its uncomfortable.
The fog that hides is the refusal to notice - to attend to - emotions and motivational states as they arise, and the refusal to communicate them both to yourself and to the people who are close to you.
Every ideal is a judge. No ideals, no judge. But the price paid for that is purposelessness. This is a high price.
We use our past effectively when it helps us repeat desirable – and avoid repeating undesirable – experiences. We want to know what happened but, more importantly, we want to know why.
If you pile up enough junk in your closet, one day, when you are least prepared, the door will spring open and bury you.
Rule 4: Notice that opportunity lurks where responsibility has been abdicated
What is left undone is often risky, difficult, and necessary.
It appears that the meaning that most effectively sustains life is to be found in the adoption of responsibility.
Paradoxical fact that there is a reciprocal relationship between the worth of something and the difficulty of accomplishing it.
It is impossible to hit a target unless you aim at it.
There is a potential within you that will emerge when circumstances demand and transform you into someone who can prevail.
We become stronger by voluntarily facing what impedes our necessary progress.
When you face a challenge, this makes you more than you are and increasingly into who you could be.
There is little difference between how you should treat yourself and how you should treat others.
If the cost of betraying yourself is guilt and shame, the benefit of not betraying yourself is meaning.
What is the antidote to the suffering of life? The highest possible goal. What is the prerequisite to that pursuit? Willingness to adopt the maximum degree of responsibility.
Your life becomes meaningful in precise proportion to the depths of the responsibility you are willing to shoulder.
Rule 5: Do not do what you hate
If you are called upon to do what makes you contemptuous of yourself, work towards placing yourself in the position where you are capable of saying no.
Rule 6: Abandon ideology
It might be that the true meaning of life is available for discovery, by each individual alone—though in communication with others, past and present.
Idealogues are the intellectual equivalent of fundamentalists, unyielding and rigid.
A world where only you and people who think like you are good is also a world where you are surrounded by enemies bent on your destruction, who must be fought.
Rule 7: Work as hard as you possibly can on at least one thing and see what happens
Without clear, well-defined, and non contradictory goals, the sense of positive engagement that makes life worthwhile is very difficult to obtain.
Very often failure is a consequence of insufficient single-mindedness, elaborate but pointless rationalization, and rejection of responsibility.
Those who do not choose a direction are lost. The worst decision of all is none.
Proper discipline organizes rather than destroys.
The master, who is the rightful product of apprenticeship, is no longer the servant of dogma. He is now served by dogma, which he has the responsibility to maintain as well as the right to change, when necessary.
Rule 8: Try to make one room in your home as beautiful as possible
Beauty can help us appreciate the wonder of Being.
Rule 9: If old memories still upset you, write them down carefully and completely
When we decide, we actively confront the future.
An unsolved problem seldom sits there. It grows new heads.
Rule 10: Plan and work diligently to maintain the romance in your relationship
Why would you possibly assume that something as complex as maintaining a marriage could be managed without commitment, practice, and effort.
There must be a broader, relationship-wide strategy in place to maintain romance with your partner across time. Regardless of what the strategy might be, its success is going to depend on your ability to negotiate.
The chance that you will get what you want if you fail to aim for it is vanishingly small.
The vow that makes marriage capable of preserving its romantic component is first and foremost the decision to not lie to your partner.
Couple can decide that each and both are subordinate to a principle: the ideal union of what is best in both personalities should be constantly regarded as the ruler of the marriage.
Both should be oriented toward the most positive future possible, and agree that speaking the truth is the best path forward.
You do not find so much as “make” the optimal person (for you).
The part of you that claims you desire “freedom” really just wants to avoid any permanent responsibility.
There are tricks that people use to avoid negotiation: “I don’t know” is not an acceptable answer in a discussion that cannot in good faith be avoided.
Do not foolishly confuse “nice” with “good”.
Your life is mostly composed of what is repeated routinely.
Romance is play, and play does not take place easily when problems of any sort arise.
Rule 11: Do not allow yourself to become resentful, deceitful, or arrogant
We naturally think of our lives as stories, and communicate about our experience in that same manner.
Chaos is not of less value than order. There is nothing but sterility without unpredictability, even though a bit less unpredictability often seems eminently desirable.
Invite the evil queen to your childs life. If you fail to do so, your children will grow up weak and in need of protection.
If you shelter young people, you destroy them.
It is no easy task to determine when something needs to be preserved or when it needs to be transformed.
It is often the people who have had too easy a time who adopt the role of victim and the hold resentment.
The fact that unfortunate things are happening or are going to happen to you is built into the structure of reality itself.
The more voluntary confrontation is practiced, the more can be borne.
The right attitude to the horror of existence is the assumption that there is enough of you, society, and the world to justify existence.
Rule 12: Be grateful in spite of your suffering
Human beings have the capacity to courageously confront their suffering – to transcend it psychologically, as well as to ameliorate it practically.
Suffering can be of sufficient gravity to make bitterness an option. BUT, there is no good in that option, and plenty of harm.
The giving of thanks is an alternative to bitterness.
To manifest the two virtues of love and courage simultaneously, you decide that you are going to work to make things better and not worse.
Grief is an uncontrollable manifestation of your belief that the lost person’s existence, limited or flawed as it may have been, was worthwhile, despite the limitations and flaws of life itself.
Gratitude is the process of consciously and courageously attempting thankfulness in the face of the catastrophe of life.
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2024: A Year in Review
Another big year for the Branches. Olive and Jaxson are growing into little people, and Piper is just growing into her already teenage-like personality. Some ups, and some downs.
So, what have we been up to? Here’s a brief look in pictures.
Bonus material here.
Much Love,
Michael & Lauren
Olive and Jax turned 2!
The celebration of Kwanzaa brought another book published by Michael for the kids, Big Sisters, Big Help.
Our first family trip to Disney! It was a magical experience; an especially great age for Piper. So beautiful to see it through her eyes.
Another wonderful neighborhood and family Easter celebration with friends and family (and candy in eggs).
Derby, Villa Medici style.
Piper turned 5. Boy how time flies.
Spring trip. Including to the Kalahari indoor waterpark resort where we met up with Uncle Errol, Dayton where we met up with Uncle David, and finished with some Aquarium time.
Another relaxing trip to Hilton Head with friends.
Whew, a huge milestone for the littles. Pipers first day of Kindergarten and the twins first day of Pre-School. They looked excited in this pic but rest assured the tears came...and subsided. They all love their schools now.
We busted a move right into our 6 year anniversary!
This fall brought pumpkin patch trips, Boo at the Zoo, and of course Halloween (and a load of candy we still haven't gone through).
What seemed like a month of gratitude with 2 Friendsgivings and Thanksgiving (for which Michael was quarantining with his 4th known bout of Covid).
A surprise mommy-daughter trip to Disney for Josie and Piper. When woken up that morning to get ready for the flight Piper asked, "are you for real?"
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2024: A Year in Review (Bonus)
Another big year for the Branches. So many things we couldn't fit it all in one post. These are some extras from a wonderful year.
Find the primary post here.
Much Love,
Michael & Lauren
Summertime fun. Popsicle walks, birthday parties, berry/peach picking, and pool time.
Trips to Louisville for the Zoo and the KY State Fair.
Winter fun. Olive decided she was OK with Santa. The littles were cookie chef's. And some great compacting snow meant it was time to build a snowman.
More climbing, of course!
Piper...sometimes sweet (skiing, running the firefighter course), and sometimes sour (placing her brother and sister in the dog cage).
Michael celebrated his 15 year Alphaversary with his line brothers in Medellin. He also got a fun Spartan race in with his frat brothers.
The twins started potty training and they also tried their hands at a little gymnastics (don't think we're quite ready for that yet). The kids went for their first hike where they walked the entire time. Olive and Jax are upping their roughhousing game.
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A Brief Summary of Ideas: Beyond Order
*These summaries are kept intentionally very brief, just hitting what I consider some of the important/interesting takeaways, most word-for-word or paraphrased. My goal is also to stick to ideas/principals that might guide others (or my future self) in deciding the value of a read (or re-reading). T = takeaway, Q = Question
Beyond Order: 12 More Rules for Life
Author(s): Jordan B. Peterson
Neither the state of order no chaos is preferable, intrinsically, to the other.
A life without curiosity, that instinct pushing us into the unknown, would be a much diminished form of existence.
Rule 1: Do not carelessly denigrate social institutions or creative achievement.
People depend on constant communication with others to keep their minds organized. We all need to think to keep things organized, but we mostly think by talking. We must submit the strategies and tactics we formulate to the judgement of others.
People are social beings, and there is no shortage of wisdom outside of us, embedded in the social world.
Necessity limits the universe of viable solutions. Plan must solve some real problem, must appeal to others, and it needs to work today in a way that doesn’t make tomorrow worse.
“How should you act?” is just the short term version of “how should you survive?”.
It is useful to take your place at the bottom of a hierarchy. It can aid in the development of gratitude and humility.
If there is a problem to be solved, and many people involve themselves in the solution, a hierarchy can and will arise. It is not power; it is the authority that properly accompanies ability.
A responsible person decides to make a problem his or her problem.
Must strike a balance between reasonable conservatism and revitalizing creativity.
Rule 2: Imagine who you could be, and them aim single-mindedly at that.
Everyone has a sense that there is more to them than they have yet allowed to be realized.
We can code and represent that in the stories we tell about those we admire (and hate). And that is how we determine who we are and who we could become.
The hero is the embodied principle of action and perception that must rule over all the primordial psychological elements of lust, rage, hunger, thirst, terror and joy.
Who dares win—if he does not perish.
There is a development of character that adventure inevitably produces.
The change necessary to adapt when terrible things emerge is therefore a solution to the potentially fatal rigidity of erroneous certainty, excessive order, and stultification.
As time changes all things, every specific, value-predicated story may fail, in its particular incarnation and locale, and need replacement by something newer, more complete, but different.
Aim at something. Pick the best target your can currently conceptualize.
You need to map your path. You need to know where you were (so you don’t repeat the mistakes of the past), where you are (or you will not be able to draw a line from your starting point to your destination), and where you are going (or you will drown in uncertainty).
If you can find a better path along the way, switch course. Be careful, it isn’t easy to discriminate between changing paths and simply giving up.
Discipline and transformation will lead you forward.
Rule 3: Do not hide unwanted things in the fog.
T = Always communicate. Even if its uncomfortable.
The fog that hides is the refusal to notice - to attend to - emotions and motivational states as they arise, and the refusal to communicate them both to yourself and to the people who are close to you.
Every ideal is a judge. No ideals, no judge. But the price paid for that is purposelessness. This is a high price.
We use our past effectively when it helps us repeat desirable – and avoid repeating undesirable – experiences. We want to know what happened but, more importantly, we want to know why.
If you pile up enough junk in your closet, one day, when you are least prepared, the door will spring open and bury you.
Rule 4: Notice that opportunity lurks where responsibility has been abdicated.
What is left undone is often risky, difficult, and necessary.
It appears that the meaning that most effectively sustains life is to be found in the adoption of responsibility.
Paradoxical fact that there is a reciprocal relationship between the worth of something and the difficulty of accomplishing it.
It is impossible to hit a target unless you aim at it.
There is a potential within you that will emerge when circumstances demand and transform you into someone who can prevail.
We become stronger by voluntarily facing what impedes our necessary progress.
When you face a challenge, this makes you more than you are and increasingly into who you could be.
There is little difference between how you should treat yourself and how you should treat others.
If the cost of betraying yourself is guilt and shame, the benefit of not betraying yourself is meaning.
What is the antidote to the suffering of life? The highest possible goal. What is the prerequisite to that pursuit? Willingness to adopt the maximum degree of responsibility.
Your life becomes meaningful in precise proportion to the depths of the responsibility you are willing to shoulder.
Rule 5: Do not do what you hate.
If you are called upon to do what makes you contemptuous of yourself, work towards placing yourself in the position where you are capable of saying no.
Rule 6: Abandon ideology.
It might be that the true meaning of life is available for discovery, by each individual alone—though in communication with others, past and present.
Idealogues are the intellectual equivalent of fundamentalists, unyielding and rigid.
A world where only you and people who think like you are good is also a world where you are surrounded by enemies bent on your destruction, who must be fought.
Rule 7: Work as hard as you possibly can on at least one thing and see what happens.
Without clear, well-defined, and non contradictory goals, the sense of positive engagement that makes life worthwhile is very difficult to obtain.
Very often failure is a consequence of insufficient single-mindedness, elaborate but pointless rationalization, and rejection of responsibility.
Those who do not choose a direction are lost. The worst decision of all is none.
Proper discipline organizes rather than destroys.
The master, who is the rightful product of apprenticeship, is no longer the servant of dogma. He is now served by dogma, which he has the responsibility to maintain as well as the right to change, when necessary.
Rule 8: Try to make one room in your home as beautiful as possible.
Beauty can help us appreciate the wonder of Being.
Rule 9: If old memories still upset you, write them down carefully and completely.
When we decide, we actively confront the future.
An unsolved problem seldom sits there. It grows new heads.
Rule 10: Plan and work diligently to maintain the romance in your relationship.
Why would you possibly assume that something as complex as maintaining a marriage could be managed without commitment, practice, and effort.
There must be a broader, relationship-wide strategy in place to maintain romance with your partner across time. Regardless of what the strategy might be, its success is going to depend on your ability to negotiate.
The chance that you will get what you want if you fail to aim for it is vanishingly small.
The vow that makes marriage capable of preserving its romantic component is first and foremost the decision to not lie to your partner.
Couple can decide that each and both are subordinate to a principle: the ideal union of what is best in both personalities should be constantly regarded as the ruler of the marriage.
Both should be oriented toward the most positive future possible, and agree that speaking the truth is the best path forward.
You do not find so much as “make” the optimal person (for you).
The part of you that claims you desire “freedom” really just wants to avoid any permanent responsibility.
There are tricks that people use to avoid negotiation: “I don’t know” is not an acceptable answer in a discussion that cannot in good faith be avoided.
Do not foolishly confuse “nice” with “good”.
Your life is mostly composed of what is repeated routinely.
Romance is play, and play does not take place easily when problems of any sort arise.
Rule 11: Do not allow yourself to become resentful, deceitful, or arrogant.
We naturally think of our lives as stories, and communicate about our experience in that same manner.
Chaos is not of less value than order. There is nothing but sterility without unpredictability, even though a bit less unpredictability often seems eminently desirable.
Invite the evil queen to your childs life. If you fail to do so, your children will grow up weak and in need of protection.
If you shelter young people, you destroy them.
It is no easy task to determine when something needs to be preserved or when it needs to be transformed.
It is often the people who have had too easy a time who adopt the role of victim and the hold resentment.
The fact that unfortunate things are happening or are going to happen to you is built into the structure of reality itself.
The more voluntary confrontation is practiced, the more can be borne.
The right attitude to the horror of existence is the assumption that there is enough of you, society, and the world to justify existence.
Rule 12: Be grateful in spite of your suffering.
Human beings have the capacity to courageously confront their suffering – to transcend it psychologically, as well as to ameliorate it practically.
Suffering can be of sufficient gravity to make bitterness an option. BUT, there is no good in that option, and plenty of harm.
The giving of thanks is an alternative to bitterness.
To manifest the two virtues of love and courage simultaneously, you decide that you are going to work to make things better and not worse.
Grief is an uncontrollable manifestation of your belief that the lost person’s existence, limited or flawed as it may have been, was worthwhile, despite the limitations and flaws of life itself.
Gratitude is the process of consciously and courageously attempting thankfulness in the face of the catastrophe of life.
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A Brief Summary of Ideas: Bad Therapy
*These summaries are kept intentionally very brief, just hitting what I consider some of the important/interesting takeaways, most word-for-word or paraphrased. My goal is also to stick to ideas/principals that might guide others (or my future self) in deciding the value of a read (or re-reading). T = takeaway, Q = Question
Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren’t Growing Up
Author(s): Abigail Shrier
No industry refuses the prospect of exponential growth, and mental health experts are no exception.
It’s in therapists self interest to treat the least sick for the longest period of time.
Adult in therapy can gain some self knowledge, self regard, and sense of the accuracy of your own perceptions. Children and adolescents are not typically equipped to say these things. The power imbalance between child and therapist is too great.
Notion of “therapy” is vague.
Iatrogenesis: Healer harming a patient in the course of treatment.
All interventions carry risk. Any intervention potent enough to cure is also powerful enough to hurt.
Entire society has dropped the ball when it comes to kids and smartphones.
Interpersonal skills are principally acquired through the real-life theater of trial and error. Emotional regulation too.
Internet/technology allows things to threaten to trial a child forever.
What we’re seeing isn’t a mental illness crisis. It’s deeply connected to the values and worldview we’ve given our kids, the way we’ve raised them, and the influences around them.
(Young people) aren’t in the throes of severe distress, they offer reasons that will seem rational to the adults around them and garner the sympathy and attention they want.
Researchers often graft onto the young whatever explanation seems most rational to them, based on their own biases.
In numbers never seen before young people doubt they have the power to improve their circumstances.
Rising generation has moved toward an external locus of control.
As therapeutic points of view and practice gain general acceptance, more and more people find themselves disqualified, in effect, from the performance of adult responsibilities and become dependent on some form of medical authority.
For most problems, individual therapy has almost no proven benefit for kids.
The evidence is pretty clear that parent based approaches are more effective.
Parents are in the best position to help a child deal with their worries on an ongoing basis.
Therapy, when it works for adults, gets its power from the patients buy in. But a child can get strong armed by an adult.
Bad Therapy Steps:
Teach kids to pay close attention to their feelings
Attending to our feelings often causes them to intensify.
With children, whatever you focus on is what will grow.
Feelings fool us all the time.
Adults should be telling kids how imperfect and unreliable their emotions can be.
Action orientation (focusing on the task ahead with no thought to your current emotional or physical state) vs. state orientation (thinking principally about yourself).
-Induce rumination.
Insofar as you’re thinking about yourself, you’re depressed and anxious.
Reclaim the reins of your mood by turning your focus away from yourself.
-Make “happiness” a goal but reward emotional suffering.
We know that chasing positivity for yourself is actually associated with low psychological function.
-Affirm and accommodate kids worries.
Accommodation deprives children of the opportunity to vault a challenge and renders them actually less capable.
Best thing you can do for a disadvantaged kid is to maintain high expectations for his conduct. Do him the honor of assuming he’s capable of delivering.
Parents who accommodate kids sensitivities inadvertently help create sensitive children.
Many of the mental health accommodations at school are unhelpful at best; destructive at worst.
We all need to practice sitting with discomfort.
-Monitor, monitor, monitor.
Adding monitoring to a childs life is functionally equivalent to adding anxiety.
-Dispense diagnoses liberally
-Drug em
-Encourage kids to Share their “trauma”.
Better approach is to accept you’ve been harmed and acknowledge only you can make a difference.
-Encourage young adults to break contact with “toxic” family
-Create treatment dependency.
Disturbing events are best understood as “potentially” traumatic.
For thousands of years we expected most people who suffered even colossal misfortune to bounce back.
We, as a nation, are enthralled with childhood trauma: wary of inflicting it; eager to spot it.
It’s natural to want an explanation. If your life is not as you wish it were, it isn’t your fault.
It let’s us off the hook (to blame trauma).
Memory is not like a video recording of the event’s we’ve lived through. It’s a “constructive” process, susceptible to alteration and suggestion.
Survey’s betray an ontology – a view of the world and what objects furnish it.
Because suicide and self-harm are so contagious among teens, adults must be extremely careful not to ask kids leading questions.
You can’t empathize with more than one or two people at a time.
Make fairness your guide and lay the groundwork for treating everyone equally.
Empathy invariably involves a choice of whose feelings to coronate and whose to disregard.
Old parenting adages:
Knock it off (didn’t overexplain, credited kids with common sense to figure it out).
Shake it off (proves to kids that hurt or fear need not overwhelm them).
Hold the line (stick to the rules and consequences you set, stop endlessly accommodating).
Parenting Styles:
Permissive (avoids punishment, affirms childs impulses, desires, and actions.)
Authoritarian (values a child's obedience as a virtue, restricts autonomy.)
Authoritative (loving and rule based. Direct activities in a rational manner, encourages give and take, exerts firm control at points of parent-child divergence).
Authoritative styles produced the most success.
Kids are happiest when raised in a loving environment that holds their behavior to high standards, expects them to contribute meaningfully, and is willing to punish when behavior falls short.
In nearly every culture around the world parents give the errant child a brisk spanking.
Studies have been unable to support supposed links between spanking and externalizing disorders.
Point of punishment:
Want kids to knock it off
Let our kids know who's in charge
Wanted them to feel bad that their behavior crossed a line and internalize that boundary
Give their "victim" a sense of justice.
If we don't allow teens to face the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, they may never learn to weather them.
They aren't weak—unless you make them that way.
Kids need to be given an influential choice (something they'll decide without participation of their parents that can actually result in something really good or really bad happening to them.)
Childhood is experiencing all of the paints of adulthood, in smaller doses, so that they build up immunity to the poison of heartache and loss.
Even the best lives contain some measure of pain. That much is unavoidable.
Anxiety and depression exist for a reason.
Anxiety is anticipatory fear. Evolved to make us alert. Anticipating danger buys us time and grants us additional option.
Depression makes us withdraw from the thing that caused the harm and take stock. It suppresses our inclination to act before we can do something rash.
When either becomes excessive it may rise to the level of disorder.
The kids we raise are our responsibility and our privilege.
When they consider how an adult should conduct themselves, their minds invariably turn to you (or should).
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A Brief Summary of Ideas: 80/20 Triathlon
*These summaries are kept intentionally very brief, just hitting what I consider some of the important/interesting takeaways, most word-for-word or paraphrased. My goal is also to stick to ideas/principals that might guide others (or my future self) in deciding the value of a read (or re-reading). T = takeaway, Q = Question
80/20 Triathlon: Discover the Breakthrough Elite-Training Formula for Ultimate Fitness Performance – At All Levels
Author(s): Matt Fitzgerald & David Warden
Specificity: To be effective, the training you do must be specific to the thing you’re training for.
Volume: Need to hit the sweet spot between too little and too much.
Intensity: How hard, relative to your personal limits.
Lactate threshold: exercise intensity at which lactate begins to accumulate in the blood. Highest exercise intensity that can be sustained for up to 60 minutes.
80/20 rule: Approximately 80% of training done at low intensity and the remaining 20% at moderate to high intensity.
The border between low and high is the ventilatory threshold (VT): the level of exertion at which the breathing rate spikes. Falls at or near 78% of max HR in the typical trained person.
Low intensity range bottom end around 60% of max HR.
Boundary between moderate and high intensity falls at the respiratory compensation point, roughly 93% of max HR.
Higher the intensity of exercise, the longer the nervous system takes to recover.
Heart rate has certain limitations as a measure of exercise intensity.
Overcoming barriers to 80/20 training:
Smaller low-intensity range
Lower volume
Lack of good coaching
Lack of buy-in
Ego
The natural-pace compromise
Intensity blindness
Habit inertia
Each workout has 3 basic elements.
Duration/distance
Intensity
Structure
Cycling is the most important triathlon discipline; as typically more time spent biking than swimming and running combined.
Power is the gold standard of measuring cycling output.
Best cadence is about 90 rpm.
Hour for hour running imposes more stress on the body and carries more risk of injury than swimming or cycling.
Greatest barrier to running is incorrect distribution of intensity.
Distance-based vs. time-based workouts
Distance based training fuels the fire of the moderate intensity rut.
Time-based training plans are more likely to be adhered to.
Precise 80/20 ratios can only be precisely planned for in time.
Time-based workouts ensure maximally effective intensity doses.
Strength, flexibility, and mobility are important also.
6 steps of creating your own 80/20 training plan.
Define your training cycle (Generally 12-24 weeks).
Schedule recovery weeks (reduce training hours by 30-40%).
Create a default weekly workout schedule/microcycle (in general include nearly equal numbers of workouts in each discipline, distribute based on workout format).
Plan your peak training step cycle.
Plan your first training week.
Fill in the rest of your schedule (make each week a little more challenging, except recovery weeks).
Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good.
The right way to achieve optimal pacing entails 3 steps.
Use the training process to establish appropriate performance goals.
Draw up a pacing plan that is specific to the course and expected conditions.
Execute.
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A Brief Summary of Ideas: 1776
*These summaries are kept intentionally very brief, just hitting what I consider some of the important/interesting takeaways, most word-for-word or paraphrased. My goal is also to stick to ideas/principals that might guide others (or my future self) in deciding the value of a read (or re-reading). T = takeaway, Q = Question
**For this type of book (historical, non-fiction) I’ll have fewer ideas and takeaways than the bulk of my reading (personal development, non-fiction, philosophy, etc.).
1776
Author(s): David McCullough
T= It’s absolutely crazy (read: due to significant amounts of chance) that this country (United States) materialized from the battles starting in 1776. By all accounts it seems Britain should have handily won the war.
“Perseverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.” – George Washington
T= being accustomed to hard work and adversity can “carry over” to other domains besides those it was cultivated in.
T= It’s easy to think of some historical figures as superhuman; larger than life. But, they have anxiety, fears, and apprehension just like a normal person. They persevered and because of this history often portrays them in such a light.
“I would not be understood that I should choose to march, but as I am engaged in this glorious cause, I am willing to go where I am called.” – Lieutenant Joseph Hodgkins
T= It’s ironic (maybe) the language used by many leading the war around freedom and slavery (i.e. slaves to the King) in light of African / Black slavery practiced in the colonies. I know they understood this; the mind must have played many tricks to get around the cognitive dissonance.
“These are the times that try men’s souls.” – Thomas Paine
“We want great men who, when fortune frowns, will not be discouraged.” – Colonel Henry Knox
An engagement, or even the expectation of one, gives a wonderful insight into character.
“We must bear up against them (circumstances), and make the best of mankind as they are, since we cannot have them as we wish.” – George Washington
“Affliction is the good man’s shining time.” – Abigal Adams (quoting Edward Young)
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A Brief Summary of Ideas: Fooled By Randomness
*These summaries are kept intentionally very brief, just hitting what I consider some of the important/interesting takeaways, most word-for-word or paraphrased. My goal is also to stick to ideas/principals that might guide others (or my future self) in deciding the value of a read (or re-reading). T = takeaway, Q = Question
Fooled by Randomness: The Hidden Role of Chance in Life and in the Markets
Author(s): Nassim Nicholas Taleb
We underestimate the share of randomness in just about everything.
We are not wired in a way to understand probability.
Our brains tend to go for superficial clues when it comes to risk and probability.
Hindsight bias: Past events will always look less random than they were.
Most successes are caused by very few “windows of opportunity”, failing to grab one can be deadly for one’s career.
Skewness issue: it doesn’t matter how frequently something succeeds if failure is too costly to bear.
Lucky fool: person who benefited from a disproportionate share of luck but attributes his success to some other, generally very precise, reason.
Mild success can be explainable by skills and labor. Wild success is attributable to variance.
Can’t just a performance in any given field by the results, but by the costs of the alternative (i.e. if history played out a different way).
A mistake is not something to be determined after the fact, but in the light of the information until that point.
Heroes are heroes because they are heroic in behavior, not because they won or lost.
Monte Carlo methods: creating artificial history via alternative sample paths.
Distilled thinking: based on information around us that is stripped of meaningless but diverting clutter.
The problem with information is not that it is diverting and generally useless, but that it is toxic.
Market fools of randomness constants:
Overestimation of the accuracy of their beliefs in some measure.
A tendency to get married to positions.
The tendency to change their story.
No precise game plan ahead of time as to what to do in the event of losses.
Absence of critical thinking expressed in absence of revision of their stance with “stop losses”.
Denial
Whenever there is asymmetry in outcomes, the average survival has nothing to do with the median survival.
Asymmetric odds means that probabilities are not 50% for each event, but that the probability on one side is higher than the probability on the other. Asymmetric outcomes means that the payoffs are not equal.
An event, although rare, that brings large consequences can not just be ignored.
History teaches us that things that never happened before do happen.
Associate rare events with any misunderstanding of the risks derived from a narrow interpretation of past time series.
Statistics: the more information you have, the more you are confident about the outcome. The question is, by how much? Statistics becomes complicated, and fails us, when we have distributions that are not symmetric.
Black swan problem (by John Stuart Mill): No amount of observations of white swans can allow inference that all swans are white, but the observation of a single black swan is sufficient to refute that conclusion.
I can use data to disprove a proposition, never to prove one. I can use history to refute a conjecture, never to affirm it.
A theory can not be verified. It can only be provisionally accepted. A theory that does not present a set of conditions under which it would be considered wrong would be termed charlatanism.
Induction: going from plenty of particulars to the general.
Unless you have confidence in the rulers reliability, if you use a ruler to measure a table you may also be using the table to measure the ruler.
Causality can be very complex. It’s difficult to isolate.
When a change in amplitude is small, it is more likely to be from noise—with its likelihood of being a signal increasing exponentially as its magnitude increases.
It is not the estimate or the forecast that matters so much as the degree of confidence with the opinion.
Nonlinearity: a very small additional input can cause a disproportionate result.
Data snooping: the more you try, the more likely you will, by mere luck, find a rule that works on past data. A random series will always present some detectable pattern.
Survivorship bias implies that the highest performing realization will be the most visible because the loser don’t show up.
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A Brief Summary of Ideas: The World's Fittest Book
*These summaries are kept intentionally very brief, just hitting what I consider some of the important/interesting takeaways, most word-for-word or paraphrased. My goal is also to stick to ideas/principals that might guide others (or my future self) in deciding the value of a read (or re-reading). T = takeaway, Q = Question
The World’s Fittest Book: How to Train for Anything & Everything, Anywhere & Everywhere
Author(s): Ross Edgley
“As to methods, there may be a million and then some, but principles a few. The man who grasps principles can successfully select his own methods.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” – Buddha
“No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training..what a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.” - Socrates
A one-size-fits-all approach is an approach that fits no one.
There are many ways to get fitter, stronger and leaner. You shouldn’t discriminate against any or strictly favor one. As soon as you do, you close your mind and limit your potential.
“We humans, facing limits of knowledge, and things we do not observe, the unseen and the unknown, resolve the tension by squeezing life and the world into crisp commoditized ideas, reductive categories, specific vocabularies, and prepackaged narratives.” – Nassim Nicholas Taleb
Pyramid of Priority. The 5 laws of fitness.
Law of body basics. GPP (be general in your foundations so you can be specific in your goals.)
Law of progressive overload. Gradual increase in weight, volume, intensity, frequency, time training, etc. Must expose your body to ever increasing stimulus to which it is not adapted. Must be constant, is not linear, and must be specific.
Law of specific skill
Law of recovery. Sleep is the most effective rejuvenating tool we have.
Law of more
4 key principles of ab training.
Learn to balance
Learn to hold
Learn to hang
Learn to control
Many people are often overfed (calories) but undernourished (nutrients).
“No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated with any other means.” – Maimonides
Strength, speed, and power pyramid.
Master lifts.
Improve work capacity.
Gain muscle size.
Increase speed/power.
Power tips and tools.
5 ways to practice yourself strong.
Visualize every lift
Lift without ego
Always lift, never fail
Don’t dilute your strength
Get “tight” to get strong
3 ways to build muscle.
Mechanical tension. Lift heavy.
Metabolic stress. Get a good pump
Muscle damage. Mix it up, “shock” the body.
Ballistic training: movements in which the athlete tries to apply the maximal force to the resistance with the goal of lifting, moving or projecting it as quickly as they can.
Force velocity curve (starts highest in force, lowest in velocity, and moves to opposite)
Maximum strength (90-100% 1rm)
Strength speed (80-90% 1rm)
Peak power (30-80% 1rm)
Speed strength (30-60% 1rm)
Maximum velocity (<30% 1rm)
No universally agreed consensus on the best way to train for endurance sports.
The Endurance pyramid of priority.
Improve mechanics
Find your fuel
Build consistency
Add volume
Increase intensity
Idea of perfect running form doesn’t really exist; but many “worst” running form cues do.
Principles for Fitness
Be balanced
Learn from the past
Keep it simple
Question everything
Always pursue happiness
Embrace individuality
You’re your best expert
Live beyond books
Never stop exploring
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Big Sisters, Big Help
For this year's last day of Kwanzaa gift I had my mind set on creating another book for the kids. I wanted something helpful with a message. To that end, we have Big Sisters, Big Help. A guide for big sisters everywhere! It aims to help big sisters learn how to treat their little siblings. I had a special large hardcover printed for the family, but if you know any big sisters that might need a little guidance, you can purchase a paper or Kindle copy on Amazon. And Happy New Year!
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2023: A Year in Review
A year of trying to settle in as a family of 5 (plus pups Rocky & Molly). The twins have been growing like weeds and, along with their sister, have provided endless torment and entertainment.
So, what have we been up to? Here’s a brief look in pictures.
Much Love,
Michael & Lauren
Olive & Jaxson turned 1! As you can see, at first they weren't too happy about getting older lol.
And our big girl Pipster turned 4; although she occasionally acts 14.
Easter came. Along with it candy, egg hunting, and time with friends and family.
Derby neighborhood party with a little kid racing (not sure if anyone bet on them though lol).
The first Branch family cruise was a success (minus no bags for the first couple days thanks to the airline). Also included the first flight for the littles. Not for the faint of heart.
Plenty of pool days! Special shout out to our awesome neighbor Michele for letting us splash anytime.
Our little Pip's had her 2nd year of summer camp. This year she went to The Academy and spent her days in a gymnastics environment jumping, being helped by the big kids, and apparently napping on the gym mats.
Piper improved in her climbing; getting on the big walls in her harness and the twins got their first taste of the climbing walls. Our most regular family hobby, we work to get all the littles solid exposure.
Olive and Jaxson had plenty of firsts. Swim class, Jax's first haircut, trampoline park, and more.
Piper also had plenty of firsts. Her first concert (Blippi), solo bike ride, hospital stay (fixing her umbilical hernia), 4 wheeler ride, ski trip, pedicure and more. This will also be her last year in pre-k Montessori; she'll be going to public school next year.
Michael had a good year too. He completed a Spartan race with some friends and got into cold plunging/ice baths as a new part of his regular health routine.
Lauren embraced her inner Swiftie with a concert and concert film.
We celebrated America in style with pool time and fireworks.
Five years in the books for us.
We were able to get some additional vacation time in as well. A long weekend at Great Wolf Lodge, some time with Laurens med school friends in Hilton Head, SC, and Michaels mom came with us on a great trip to Chattanooga, TN.
Of course we enjoyed the Fall season festivities. We took the little's to the pumpkin patch, the Jackolantern Spooktacular in Louisville, Boo at the Zoo, and did a bit of trick or treating with a princess (loved it), Barbie (took to it well), and Ken (didn't care for anything but eating the candy).
We enjoyed our Friendsgiving tradition with one hosted at our home, one for the neighborhood, and Thanksgiving Day at Nana and Pop Pop's.
Happy Holidays from our squad to yours!
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A Brief Summary of Ideas: Discipline Equals Freedom
*These summaries are kept intentionally very brief, just hitting what I consider some of the important/interesting takeaways, most word-for-word or paraphrased. My goal is also to stick to ideas/principals that might guide others (or my future self) in deciding the value of a read (or re-reading). T = takeaway, Q = Question
Discipline Equals Freedom: Field Manual MK1-MOD1
Author(s): Jocko Willink
Discipline: The root of all good qualities
Discipline comes from within.
Discipline means taking the hard road.
Motivation is fickle. Count on discipline.
Discipline begets more discipline.
Where do I start? Here and now!
Some days you win. But some days you don’t. But each and every day get back up and move forward.
It is never finished. You always have more to do.
Be afraid of being stagnant. Don’t let another day skip by.
The only thing valuable in regret is the lesson you learned.
Make your long term goal so embedded that you never lose sight of it. Do something about it, every day, however small.
The ultimate victory is to hold your head high.
How to deal with setbacks: Good! What good can come from it? Focus on that. Accept reality, but focus on the solution.
When you feel fear take a step, aggressively!
When you are overwhelmed assess what the problems are, decide which one to attack firsts, and get started.
Every day when the alarm sounds it is time!
It doesn’t matter what you did yesterday. Today the count is zero.
For menial tasks, line them up and knock them out so you can move on to better things.
The only person you can control is you. So focus on making yourself who you want to be.
You have control over your mind. You just have to assert it.
Hold the line to build mental toughness and to exercise your will.
If you’re just “not feeling it”, go through the motions. Put off taking a break until tomorrow, and if when it comes you still feel you need a break, take it.
When dealing with negative people, the preferred response is to ignore and outperform.
Do not allow a leadership vacuum in your head. Take charge of your mind.
Do not negotiate with weakness. Shut those voices down.
Humans can withstand almost inconceivable stress.
If the stress is something that you can control and you are not, that is a lack of discipline. Get control of it.
If the stress is something you can’t control: embrace it. How can you use it to your advantage.
If you are forced to stand down—to retreat so that you can rebuild—so be it. But make that decision based on logic.
Make going on your fundamental reaction to adversity.
We all have limitations. Try to be the best that you can be.
Learn to detach. From your ego, your emotions, from your perspective.
“How am I doing?”. It doesn’t matter, do what you’re supposed to do.
It takes both emotion and logic to reach your maximum potential. When one fails, rely on the other.
Life is tough, but it gets a lot easier when you are laughing at it.
Ask yourself:
What have I learned?
What have I created?
What forward progress have I made?
Who have I helped?
What am I doing to improve myself—today?
Aggression: unstoppable fighting spirit.
Everyone should train in martial arts. There is no choice but to be prepared.
If you are injured or sick don’t use that as an excuse to skip. Do what you can.
It is good to keep your options open, but sometimes you have to go all in. No plan B.
No more excuses. All your excuses are lies.
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A Brief Summary of Ideas: How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes
*These summaries are kept intentionally very brief, just hitting what I consider some of the important/interesting takeaways, most word-for-word or paraphrased. My goal is also to stick to ideas/principals that might guide others (or my future self) in deciding the value of a read (or re-reading). T = takeaway, Q = Question
How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes: Science-Backed Strategies for Better Parenting – From Tots to Teens
Author(s): Melinda Wenner Moyer
Parenting presents us with infinite opportunities to teach our kids values.
How to raise kids who aren’t overly selfish.
Kindness reaps its own rewards.
1)Talk about, validate, and help your kids manage emotions.
Kids have to recognize and understand emotions in order to figure out and manage their own feelings.
Consider other peoples feelings and encourage your kids to do the same.
When parents discipline their kids with explanations of how their actions affect others, kids are more likely to grasp the significance of their actions.
Validate your kids feelings, even when they seem over the top.
2)Create opportunities for your kids to help.
For older kids have them routinely expected to help, for younger kids, give them the choice might work better.
3) Make your expectations explicit, and discuss them as a family.
Kids aren’t born knowing values, we have to be explicit. Helps to explain why you’re asking your kid to do what you’re asking.
Draw up a list of family values or rules.
4) Model kindness in your daily choices.
Think about whether your actions reflect what you want your kids to see.
How to raise kids who are ambitious, resilient, and motivated.
Grit and motivation are good for parents to focus on (instead of ability/achievement).
1)Encourage kids to try new, fun, hard things.
Grit is built from four components: interest, practice, purpose, and hope.
Hard thing rule: kids have to do something fun that also requires deliberate practice, and they can’t quite in the middle of the season.
2)Praise effort, not skill/smarts.
3)Teach strategies to minimize procrastination.
At its core procrastination isn’t about time management. It’s rooted in boredom, fear, or frustration so we turn to other things.
4)Don’t rely too much on rewards.
How to raise kids who don’t bully-and help those who are bullied.
Bullying is a continuum, and a child’s involvement and role can change from day to day.
Bullying has to be repeated, deliberate harassment or abuse. Typically it’s done to impress, gain power/attention, and boost position on the social ladder.
1)Talk about bullying.
Encourage kids to do something when they see bullying (depends on instance. Could be intervene, could be tell a teacher or comfort bullied).
2)Teach your kid about anger.
3)Know what to do if your kid is bullying.
Discuss why it’s unacceptable and explain expectations. Teach to always treat others with dignity and respect.
Consider an appropriate punishment.
4)Take action if your kid is being bullied.
5)Encourage your kid’s school to fight bullying effectively.
How to raise kids who won’t lie or swear (at least not when it matters)
1)Identify causes, and model the behavior you want to see.
2)React calmly, ask questions, and explain how words can hurt.
3)React calmly and emphasize the importance of honesty.
Honesty is essential for strong, loving relationships.
Try to separate the lie from the misdeed.
4)Be open with your kids about your life.
How to raise kids who aren’t sexist
1)Watch your language.
Shouldn’t unnecessarily highlight gender in conversations not about gender.
Avoid making generic statements that lump all boys or girls into a single category.
2)Encourage cross-gender friendships and interactions.
3)Rid your home of stereotypes—as best you can.
4)Discuss gender discrimination.
Use everyday experiences as conversation starters.
Tell your kids exactly what your beliefs are on sexism and gender.
How to raise kids who have healthy self-esteem—but aren’t narcissistic
1)Tell your kids you love them for who they are—not what they do.
Regularly discuss your values with your kids and respect their perspective.
Turn disappointing moments into growth opportunities: cool down, connect. Offer soft criticism. Move forward.
2)Praise your kids, but be mindful of how.
Don’t “inflate” praise.
Preferable to praise for effort instead of skills/ability.
3)Let your kids fail, then reframe their failures.
Learning how to navigate challenges is a key aspect of self-growth and self-esteem.
Ex. “I know you feel terrible right now, and that’s ok. When you’re feeling better let’s talk—some good can come from thinking through why and how this happened.”
How to raise kids who aren’t racist.
Research suggest the “colorblind” approach doesn’t work.
1)Educate yourself and reflect on your privileges and biases.
2)Explicitly discuss race—without shaming your kids.
3)Let your kids experience and enjoy diversity.
Cross racial friendships can make a huge difference for promoting acceptance and reducing prejudice.
4)Talk to kids about racism and show them how to fight it.
Shaping behaviors and values
Parenting style: the emotional climate that parents create that shapes their attitudes toward, expectations of, and interactions with their children.
Kids who thrive the most are those with authoritative parents.
Authoritative parents typically start with clarification and reasoning. Willing to listen and negotiate. Punishment is a last resort.
1)Respond to misbehavior with empathy, then guidance.
When kids misbehave it can be an opportunity to see what skills they need to work on or for us to share our values.
Ask: why did my child act this way. What lesson do I want to teach in this moment. How can I best teach this lesson.
Teach them acceptable things they can do when they’re angry.
2)If you use time-outs, do them right.
The effort parents put into time out determines whether it will work.
Time-outs generally only work in positive contexts because they need to be a deterrent.
Always ask yourself is your child’s behavior is defiant or if they just don’t have the skills you think they do.
Keep explanations short; state clearly what violation behavior was. Don’t require an apology at the end.
Rule of thumb is one minute per year old.
3)Model healthy emotional behavior.
Identify your own triggers and notice when you’re about to lose your cool—then don’t.
It’s ok to apologize for losing your cool. Don’t beat yourself up.
Helping siblings get along
1)Teach your kids to consider their siblings feelings.
“See it your way, see it my way.”
2)Don’t compare your kids.
Kids might interpret the comparisons as critiques. Labels can limit growth or self esteem and fuel rivalry.
3)Try for equality, but don’t fret over it.
Equal treatment doesn’t always mean fair treatment.
4)Don’t force your kids to share your timeline.
Have them take “self regulated” turns if they both want the same thing. Enourage waiting or doing something else.
5)Be a mediator, not an arbitrator.
Lay down the ground rules. Ask each to describe what happened. Encourage them to discuss their feelings and asking each child to repeat what the other said. Help brainstorm solutions.
Managing screens, games, and social media
We need to model the behaviors and choices we want to see in our kids.
Kids can do many different things on screens. The type of app or video matters.
1)Don’t monitor; mentor.
Helping kids make good decisions is more effective than trying to protect them from everything.
The idea is to research, explore, and use screens with our kids.
2)Create a digital road map for your family.
Screen time limits, permission, media curfew, physical location of devices and usage, encourage shared media usage, what if they want a new app or game, sharing rules, rules around sharing photos and other content.
3)Teach your kids about privacy.
4)Put down your phone.
Talking to kids about sex and pornography
1)Talk about it all—body parts, boundaries, privacy, harassment, consent, and gender stereotypes.
Tell our kids they’re in charge of their own bodies (and others are in charge of theirs), and no one should be touched without consent.
Tell your kids to tell you if someone touches them inappropriately (tell them what this means).
2)Answer questions honestly and briefly, and don’t worry if you mess up.
3)With older kids, regularly discuss the rules of consent—and accept they can have loving relationships.
4)Talk to your kids about sexting and porn.
Key point to make is that a lot of porn is unrealistic. It’s entertainment/fantasy.
If they still watch porn after your discussion, consider letting it go unless it’s a problem.
Parenting is hard!!
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