michaelpyromaniacal

[michaelpyromaniacal]

[michaelpyromaniacal]

Love my grandparents.... on the phone just now my papa was dead serious like “i just think it’s so terrible to kick your child out for being gay . This is a union family and the ONLY thing i’d ever kick any of you out for is crossing a picket line.” okay working class hero!

[michaelpyromaniacal]

Based off the Addams Family TV show where Gomez drops everything when Morticia speaks French to kiss up her arm.

Google told me Alkamal means perfect. Don’t know if it right tho lol

Commission Info / Kofi

[michaelpyromaniacal]

r/Murderbot mods really said "if you can't use it/its for a fictional character, get over yourself".

[michaelpyromaniacal]

Bruce truly hates magic with every pump and beat of his heart.

What kinda curse is Slang, anyway?

“This is the best day of my life.”

“You thought you ate that.” Bruce physically feels a full body shiver, charged with nausea and cringe. “This is level 10 cringe. Can’t have shit in Gotham.”

Dick is his earth bound angel, but he laughs like a demon at him, holding onto Jason for support, pledging his eternal loyalty to Zatana and her pettiness.

—

“Hey, old bat, hook me up with an adrenaline shot.”

What he wants to say is Jay, do not try and fight with 6 bullets in your stomach.

What comes out instead, through Bruce’s grit teeth and intense, fierce glaring, “Not you trying to go back to your corpse era. See how I only took 2 shots? Very demure. Very mindful.”

Jason passes out from blood loss, but mostly laughter.

—

“Chat, is this real?”

Stephanie barely bites back a full belly cackle. “I think he just asked us if we copied.”

“I wish I was Jason, 15.”

—

“This is not a slay environment. Killing is flop behavior.” He keeps his eyes shut and buries his face in his hands. Trying to convince Damian not to stab someone doesn’t seem to work.

Damian gives him a pat like he’s a pitiful cat. “I’ll only stab the non lethal areas.”

“God, I wish that were me.”

[michaelpyromaniacal]

[James watching young Luna and Harry]

Harry, running in: Papa! Papa!

James: Yes?

Harry: Luna said the B word!

James:

Luna, also running in: Motherfucker doesn’t start with B, Harry!

[michaelpyromaniacal]

Idk if anyone else remembers, but Batman canonically carries around Bat-cookies according to the Batman/Scooby-Doo crossover.

I LOVE to think Batman carries them around as snacks for Robin. I love it even more to think he uses said cookies to bribe Robin into good behavior in a similar fashion to Scooby Snacks.

Little Dick Grayson: I don't wanna go to some stupid Gala! U can't make me!

Bruce, in desperation: would u do it for a bat-cookie?

Dick: woah! Bat-shaped! Cool!

Bruce: andddd you can have another one after the party

Dick, mouth full of cookie: okay :)

Bruce, internally: thank fuck a parenting hack that works

Batman: stop! Don't kill him!

Red Hood: and why do I give a fuck what you-

Batman: would u spare his life for a Bat-cookie?

Red Hood:

Red Hood: I'm not a kid anymore-

Batman: they're fresh, look, still warm

Red Hood: ...

Red Hood: this works ONCE. This ONE time. Gimme that damn cookie.

Batman: of course

Red Hood: Fuck I've missed these what the hell does Alfred put in em

Bruce: go to sleep, Tim

Tim: I'm almost done-

Bruce: go to sleep now and you can have a bat-cookie

Tim: a what?

Bruce: a bat-cookie. See? Here, first taste is free. Try it.

Tim: bribery? Really?

Bruce: positive reinforcement

Tim: giving me treats like I'm some kind of dog?

Bruce: try it and then we'll debate the ethics

Tim [eats cookie]:

Tim:

Tim: okay

Bruce: Okay?

Tim: if I promise to sleep a full 8 hours I want two more and a glass of milk

Bruce: u drive a hard bargain but I accept

Dick: aw, c'mon, Damian. One picture. For me, to remember your first day of high school. Do it for a bat-cookie?

Damian: -tt- I've heard of these so-called "bat-cookies" Insulting. I am not a child. I refuse to participate in such an asinine tradition.

Dick: shame. Alfred made animal-friendly ones so you can share with Ace and Batcow. I guess they don't get any treats either, then

Damian: well

Damian: since it would please you so very much, I will overlook this patronizing lapse in judgment

Damian [tries one bite of cookie]:

Damian:

Damian: given Batcows higher food intake requirements, I will require at least a dozen.

Damian [takes another bite]: perhaps two dozen

Duke: you agree I did a good job today?

Bruce: yes? I suppose. Earlier, when you stopped that-

Duke: shut it. Don't care. Cookie me.

Bruce: excuse me?

Duke: I know about the cookies, old man. You've been holding out on me. The cat's out of the bag. I did a good job, I get a cookie. That's how it works, right?

Bruce: uh well

Bruce: that was a long time ago

Bruce: i had to discontinue that method after-

Duke: are you saying I'm not a valid member of this family because I was never Robin?

Bruce: of course you are! But I don't have any on me-

Duke: don't. Lie. To. Me.

Bruce: Okay! Okay. You're right, I'm sorry. Here, take it. Just... do me a favor, and don't go announcing to the whole cave you got-

Duke: YES. MY FIRST BAT-COOKIE! SCORE!

Every batmember in the vicinity: BAT-COOKIES ARE BACK????

Bruce: NO! stay back! Stay back you animals! Alfred! Alfred! It's happening again-

Alfred, sighing: I'll preheat the oven, sir

[michaelpyromaniacal]

dc pleaseee they would be the best

(oh and excuse my handwriting)

[michaelpyromaniacal]

i <3 social media aus

[michaelpyromaniacal]

happy uh belated death day, jason

from batman annual #25

[michaelpyromaniacal]

googling shit like "why do i feel bad after hanging out with my friends" and all of the answers are either "you need better friends" (i don't; my friends are wonderful) or "your social battery is drained, you need to rest and regain your energy levels" (i don't; i've got tons of energy, it's just manifesting as over-the-top neurotic mania). why is this even happening. it's like some stupid toll i have to pay as a punishment for enjoying myself too much

[michaelpyromaniacal]

Damn @prideknights you outdid yourself, the quality is impeccable! I love the poem and feel it in my soul💌

[michaelpyromaniacal]

i hate dogs with blue eyes. why is fucking jeff the killer at my back door

[michaelpyromaniacal]

"average SecUnit watches 462 hours of media a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average SecUnit watches 0 hours of media per year. Murderbot, who hacked its governor module & consumes over 21 hours of media each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[michaelpyromaniacal]

[michaelpyromaniacal]

ok vague lost days Jason & Talia thought I’ve been meaning to share for some time: I am constantly thinking about how much Jason instinctively trusts Talia.

I’ve compared it to him imprinting like a baby duck before because even when he’s in his catatonic state he trusts and recognizes Talia and subconsciously knows that she won’t actually hurt him. And then after his dip in the pit when he’s reeling grief and anger is coming straight off of a betrayal that resulted in his death he never questions her motives. Even when he eventually clued into the fact that Talia was trying to stall him from killing Bruce he’s like “yeah it’s whatever” and he doesn’t assign malice to her kinda manipulating him

[michaelpyromaniacal]

The bats have so many burner phones and travel SIMs that they're always getting each other's numbers wrong

Barbara: I called you but you didn't pick up.

Tim: That's my office phone.

—

Cass: Did you bring my ballet flats?

Bruce: No. Was I supposed to?

Cass: I texted you.

Bruce: That must be the phone Croc threw into the harbor.

—

*phone rings*

Alfred: No cell phones at the dinner table.

Dick: Sorry.

Dick: *turns it off*

*second phone rings*

*third phone rings*

Dick: I'm just gonna take these upstairs.

—

Damian: I demand to know why you changed your number without notifying me.

Jason: What do you mean? No I didn't.

Damian: Yes you did. None of my messages are delivering.

Damian: *shows him his phone*

Jason: That's my Yugoslavian number.

Damian: That country doesn't even exist.

Jason: It did in my day.

—

Duke: How do I get a burner phone?

Steph: You feel it with your heart.