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[michh-u]

@americans who are young: 20% is the correct amount to tip your server or delivery person

i say this (and repeat it a lot. probably too much. sorry.) because i know a lot of younger people who are just starting to go places on their own do not know how much they should tip, and i know this because i have heard this dilemma come up sometimes w/ tables of teens i’ve waited on, cause they just don’t know. 

i’m here 4 u teens of america: it’s 20%, unless ur waiter is an asshole (like not bad day asshole but Premium Asshole Asshole) or creepy, in which case it is 15%, dropping appropriately to 10% as their Assholery or Creepiness climbs.

just multiply what your bill is by two and drop the second digit. for example: i spend 15 bux, 15x2 = 30, drop the second digit and the appropriate 20% tip is 3 bux.  or u spent 48 bux, thats like 96, that’s p close to 100 so just tip 10 bux to be Cool. 

if you stay at the table for a long time, also compensate accordingly – servers usually have a limited number of tables that they are given responsibility for (so these five or six tables in the corner are my section, anyone who sits there is my table to take care of) and if you camp out for a long time that can cut into yr servers ability to Make doll4rs and/or Leave Work.

if you know that you’re gonna be catching up w/ an old friend for two hours, you can, honestly, just go “hey i’m planning on chatting w/ my friend for a while, but I know we’re taking up this table, and I’m going to tip extra for your time” and that’ll work out for everyone in the long run. people like to know you’re trying to be respectful of their time + effort. everyone is nice, everyone has a nice good time. 

[michh-u]

please, do not ignore this

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yo bro is it safe down there in the woods? yeah man it’s cool by Tomislav Jagnjic

[michh-u]

When you open the Tumblr app and first thing you see is a gaping asshole

[michh-u]

“We don’t have to retrain [police]. We gotta let them be held accountable for their actions.” -Ronald Lanier (x) | follow @the-movemnt

[michh-u]

2016 sucked so bad, I haven’t once forgotten to put 2017 when writing out the date.

[michh-u]

im crying, the giant snowman I built yesterday started to fall over last night but I guess it froze and now it looks like this

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Zzz…😪

[michh-u]

Horror movies should include bloopers, so after watching the main film you’ll be able to sleep

[michh-u]

when your sibling has the same last name as you

[michh-u]

All 👏 dogs 👏 are 👏 good 👏 dogs 

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#MemeHistory