mihudie7

[mihudie7]

Well, been in a 14 years relationship and still slept with him when he wanted even tho i was never sexually attracted... I just wanted to make him happy.

You weren't sexually attracted to your exes but still had sex with them?

I had 3 boyfriends and I wasn't sexually attracted to the first two, but I was to my last boyfriend. But yes, not being sexually attracted to a long-term romantic partner and still sleeping with them can be a thing when you're somewhere on the asexual spectrum 🤷🏻‍♂️

[mihudie7]

Hnnn so i was talking with a few ppl... I just can't get why other aces have difficulties in understand why others feel sexual attraction to the need of sexual action.

I might not feel it nor experience something similar, but i can understand and be sympathetic. Let me explain in a different way. I'm an atheist, i just can't believe in something unreal or a great power that created all this mess. I don't relate to those that has religious beliefs. Still, i can understand that they do and I respect them by being sympathetic towards those that believe in god(s). I can understand that they think differently and to them that's important.

Maybe that's why I also never questioned much about my own way of feeling. I always just thought that i had my own individuality about sexual experience... Different from others, but still not something that would make me not understand a fellow human being with a different point of view.

Also, probably my fck all thoughts also have a big influence in this kind of thing. Every human is different, i don't judge anyone... I don't try to understand each aspect of anyone. My disassociation from things like gender, race, color, appearance or whatever, makes me individualize everyone but group them into just "humans".

[mihudie7]

Ok, so... Been giving some thoughts about it since I'm still trying to find out wtf i actually am. I found a good way to explain all my previous sexual relationship:

It's like when ur not a single bit hungry but u feel obligated to eat lunch coz everyone is doing it.

[mihudie7]

So i came upon this questionnaire... Let's see how answers come out.

1. Do you feel "different"?

Yeah. From young age i was never a person that wanted relationships, i just couldn't stand being with someone because I could never feel anything towards anyone. As i got older, i tried a few different things without feelings involved... The partner wouldn't matter, their gender wouldn't matter, how they looked wouldn't matter. It was just whatever. When talking about it with others, or when making a comparison with other friends, i was taken as a cold hearted that had no feelings... I did have a long term relationship (really long actually) but i never loved or held strong feelings for my partner. It was just "comfortable". We did had sexual relationship, but i could never feel anything... Lost counts on how many times i imagined other situations while doing sex aside the fact that i faked each and every climax for 10+ years... Or how repulsed i was when my partner tried to give me pleasure, touching was, omg... I wanted to die... Still, i liked to GIVE my partner pleasure, it didn't disgusted me. Listening to my friends, they were so different from what I was experiencing and I never openly talked about it... When they talked about receiving please i just wanted to hide or make them stop, hearing it made me feel disgusted.

2. Have you always felt this way?

As long as i can remember... But as i was getting older i tried to go against what i was feeling. I tried many ways to feel like everyone else around me. I failed all the attempts.

3. How do you feel about sex?

It's whatever. I'll do it for my partner if he/she wants, but i won't be feeling pleasure or attraction and some acts repulse me, still I'd probably endure it for my partner. It's really whatever.

4. Did you have a "normal" childhood?

Yeah, i did... I mean, i was always a nerd that done lot of creative activities... I had my rebellious phase trying to negate how antisocial nerd i was, but think it was pretty much normal...

5. Were you abused?

No.

6. Is there any other incident that happened in your life that might have triggered your aversion towards sex?

Shouldn't be... I was just average kid (well till my 14-15yo lol then i rebelled till my 17s lol)

7. Did you ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend or both?

I had both: 2 boyfriends and 1 girlfriend. 2 of them lasted like 2-3 months and 1 lasted 10 years... Again, no feelings or attraction actually involved. Actually they asked me out and I just said yes to give it a go....

8. If yes, did he/she ever try to have sex with you, if yes, how did you react, and how did he/she react to that?

Yes, and I did had sex with 2 of them. With the girlfriend i never allowed her to touch me, i was always the giver. With the Boyfriend that lasted a decade i also had infrequently sex under specific situations and to be fair i just waited for him to climax and ended the act right away, also didn't liked him touching me intimately but allowed a few times trying to endure the repulsing i was feeling. He got upset a lot of times and always questioned why i wouldn't let him give me pleasure, which i just avoided answering.

9. Have you ever felt arroused?

Towards another person, no. Yes if i was alone reading some cartoon porn. That in normal situations. With my rebellious phase i used to get high enough to just say "fck it... I'll do whatever" but never no feelings, no pleasure, no climax. Was just sex for fun while i was high. Idk if I can call this arousal.

10. Can you really relate to the adults among you?

I'm an adult lol but no... Like... If talking exclusively about sexual relationship... It's a no... I never felt the same way most of my friends described.

11. Do you masturbate?

Yes! I do it when I'm in the mood. It's the only way I can actually reach climax.

12. Would you like sex if it could be with yourself?

Weird question... Idk... Like if I could have a 2nd body? Prob not... I don't think another body would ever make me feel pleasure. I'd do it ofc... Give it a go.

13. Would you try sex if it saved your relationship?

I did it for a long time and it just made me feel trash. I felt used every single time. I felt repulsed and I felt like i just wanted my brain to stop working for those times coz it was just my body being used. It's not a good feeling.

14. Would you like to have sex, but are afraid it would hurt?

I got past this one...

15. Anything to add that might help in this questionnaire?

Idk actually lol it's just me talking about past experiences... Maybe i can add something here in the future.

[mihudie7]

Been reading a bit more about the aspec here... So things that still confuse me af:

I can't feel pleasure when I'm being touched, but i do like to see my partner feeling it and it makes me happy. How do I define that?

I do find ppl beautiful or handsome, i always defined me as bisexual, i don't usually think they're sexy, but I'm not blind lol

I have my days when I'm in the mood to have a bit more intimate interaction, but doesn't mean i will actually feel something out of it.

I don't feel disgusted of having sex nor when I see sex scenes... It's just "whatever".

I do like to kiss despite not having a constant sexual desire. I also like to hug my partner... I don't count this of being sexuality touched.

I don't care if I have sexual interaction with my partner if they want it, but i feel bad as i was just being used right after.

[mihudie7]

I never questioned my sexuality before my really long relationship ended. I just thought I was a really cold heart person or that i was just weird.

For so many years i faked a climax, faked liking to be touched and faked being happy like that. Why i could climax by myself but i absolutely couldn't with my partner? Why i had to give so many excuses to simply not be touched? Or excuses to not have sex at all for months?

I grew up with just 3 options to choose and after i picked one i just never thought about it again. I'm really thankful for my friend that made me see i wasn't alone.

Am I more than bisexual?

DISCLAIMER: TOPICS OF SEX AND SEXUAL IDENTITY ARE DISCUSSED

Hello all! I hope everyone is doing well! I just wanted to make a post about something that’s been on my mind. I’d love for some advice from people who are actually in the asexual/gray asexual community, instead of reading about it online :)

Anyway, recently I’ve been reflecting on my little to no satisfaction with having sex. Sure, I think about it and I do get kinda aroused, but when it comes to thinking of having sex with my partner (or others in general), it doesn’t do anything for me (it works with masturbating though). I love him, don’t get me wrong, but I never want to be intimate with him in that way. Usually, we go months without having sex, which I’m fine with, but it causes a lot of arguments since he thinks it’s because I don’t love him or something. I have to practically work myself up to be in somewhat of a sexual mood and when we are intimate, I don’t really enjoy it that much and I can’t climax. Also, when he brings up the subject, it makes me feel very anxious, uncomfortable, and pressured. I’d never admit that to him, or it could break his heart and cause issues. For a long time, I just thought I had a lot of trauma that was causing a low sex drive. As time and research went on, I read about asexuality/greysexual. Things just started to make more sense and I felt a little better about the topic. IF I am asexual/gray asexual, I’m scared to tell him and I worry he will end things or react in a very scary, unsettling way.

I’m fairly new to the LBGTQ+ community, so I’d love to hear any perspectives on this. Anything will help! :)

[mihudie7]

Found the description of exactly i felt on all my previous relationships lol

ace culture is wanting to have a sexual relationship for the sake of your partner but not wanting it on your own

[mihudie7]

Ok, starting this coz a friend said i should try to be more open lol

So... I've been a bisexual for my whole life. Well by that time u could only pick 3 options anyway, and since I could careless about genders, i went for the middle one.

At one point i decided to have a straight relationship that lasted for about 10 years. At first it was just normal to have sex, and we were quite active on it.

One strange thing? I never had an orgasm. But thinking about it, not even with previous relationships...

At first i thought that relationship would last like 2-3 months, since I could never actually hold feelings for anyone. I was always called a cold hearted person. But time passed by, we had fun, even our friends told us we were a good couple and best friends. That's it, we were best friends with some extra benefits.

We ended our long relationship last year. When I couldn't stand having sex anymore and was always giving excuses to void it. I just didn't want that anymore. I just didn't felt a single bit of attraction.

Truth to be told... I never had that attraction towards anyone, sex was just a way to connect with another person. I could have sex with anyone even not feeling a shit. Why? I don't actually know. It just pleased me seeing someone feel pleasure, but myself i didn't want anything.

It was just becoming unbearable to even think of having sex. I never liked anyone touching me during sex, i never let anyone give me pleasure coz i couldn't feel it anyway. I couldn't meet that expectations.

Don't get me wrong here. If I feel like it, I'll still have sex. If I'm in the mood or if I hold a bit of feelings for anyone, regardless gender, I'll probably have sex if we get to it. I just won't feel any sexual pleasure from that.

As once i was told "I'm a giver, not a taker...."

That's when I was talking with a friend about it. That friend just turned to me and said "babe, u've been a grey ace ur whole life and didn't know it...."

For real, i was like "wtf is that?" Was that supposed to be a compliment? Was that supposed to be bad? I didn't know.

Well, he didn't know much either, but had a friend that was also a grey ace. And was how it was explained to me that i had more than those 3 initial options.

Not gonna lie, i was like "ffs how did this happened?" I never questioned my sexuality before or never even cared much about it.

I'm still confused af. Even reading a lot and looking for more information, it's just too much. At least I feel so relieved that "I'm not broken" as my ex partner said i was.

So here i am... Trying to understand this new grounds where I stand. It's not easy, but this blog will probably be about my findings and my thoughts about it.

Hope i didn't offended anyone describing what i went through till now...