millythepuppet

[millythepuppet]

I'm not gonna be a preachy bitch about this for a while but ~tHe RoAd tO reCoVerY isNt AlwaYs linEAr~... I was hospitalized and had to have surgery and it caused a lot of my trauma/fears to resurface so I put a hold on blasting through horror movies....

Anyways its 2020 now and I'm ready to fuckin finish saw, I just finished saw iii tonight and I'm moving onto iv

[millythepuppet]

I’m like halfway thru Saw III so that review is gonna come, but I had extreme stomach pains after watching the scene with Detective Kerry. If u know u know man lol. The ante on the gore has definitely been upped, and it’s gonna take me a lot longer to get through the rest of the series. 

Just know that I have the unpopular opinion of absolutely LOVING Amanda’s character in Saw III, she is just as amazing and iconic as ever, she really must be getting back problems from carrying this entire series

I LOVE YOU, BITCH!!!! 

[millythepuppet]

OH I FORGOT TO REVIEW SCREAM

I watched Scream with some pals like a month ago and I didn’t say ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!!

It was good. Loved the 90s essense smeared all over it. I knew who Ghostface was going into it, so I didn’t get the satisfaction of solving the mystery, but I did get the satisfaction of sleuthing out that Stu is fucking Shaggy from Scooby-Doo, and the dude who gets his head blown up in the new Twin Peaks so rock on bro......

The first scene was honestly the biggest treat of the entire movie and definitely left the biggest impact. It’s like, SO iconic. If you’re not gonna watch Scream, do yourself a favor and at least watch the first scene.....

UGH!! DELICIOUS!! Now THIS is CINEMA, BOYS!! “What’s your favorite scary movie?” Like!!! UGH!!! Ghostface is SO cocky/cool/hot in this, and it definitely solidifies him as a horror icon. The personality, baby! I also love the idea of a slasher who just kills because he’s a huge fanboy of other slashers, its so cute and fun, wow!

Anyways yeah Scream peaked early but was still fun, would watch with pals again. ~*90s VibEs*~

[millythepuppet]

Okay @prettyboyhavoc1974 this is the most correct thing, you are so right and I'm sorry

Daniel also got to use the one collective brain cell that everyone in the saw ii crew had to share..... also I love the bit of him being "SAFE" haha. Good one jigsaw

[millythepuppet]

no context needed.

[millythepuppet]

NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET REVIEW

OKAY clearly the bitches who made this movie didn’t realize the cinematic goldmine that is Freddy Kreuger. He’s there for like 0.5% of the movie while 90% of the movie is taken up by Nancy trying to steal coffee from her alcoholic mother so she doesn’t fall asleep.

BEST PART: The full on home alone trap sequence with Mother Fucking Freddy Kreuger... hilarious and iconic 11/10

WORST PART: The end... everyone is just OKAY?? wHAT????? ARE YOU SHITTING ME????? THEY BETTER FUCKING RETCON THAT BULLSHIT... the friend I was at the theater watching this with whispered in my ear “wow this just made my dick shrivel up” and I couldn’t agree more.

[millythepuppet]

STUPID HEMOPHOBIC BITCH REVIEWS - SAW II

Wow. I have a lot more to say. As soon as I finished Saw II and the credits were rolling, I immediately messaged my friend this:

....and god, was it! Saw II is in this weird middle phase where it’s not known as being this nasty tacky gorefest yet but its still trying to be more shocking than the first movie. It’s like puberty but for a movie franchise. And this franchise’s puberty is a rough one. It’s got cystic acne, braces and an overbite. If it were a good, well written movie like the first one I would have enjoyed sitting through it, and if it was some tacky mess I would have enjoyed sitting through it. It’s not even a good bad movie. It’s just a bad bad movie now.

I think the biggest problem with the movie was the characters. The only two characters who behaved like human beings throughout the entire movie were Aamanda Young and John Kramer, and since I knew the twist going into this one, I was like,,, I’m rooting for the bad guys!!! What!!! I’d be lying to you if I didn’t sit through half of the movie waitin for Jigsaw to kill the bimbo cop like

None of the characters in the trials were developed enough for me to care about them and so none of them felt like they were justified when they did stupid shit. I didn’t see it as a character flaw, I saw it as annoying. Xavier was the worst offender of this, randomly deciding to kill people instead of just explaining his ideas to the people he was trapped with, ykno, like an ADULT. The razor box was a specific trap I remembered from the wikis, and god was it not exciting. Addison leaves the group because her feelings were hurt I GUESS, and she finds a trap all by herself, with a tape. Instead of asking ANYONE ELSE to give her the tape recorder, she just fucking goes for it and sticks one hand in the trap. She DROPS THE ANTIDOTE, SO SHE HAS NO CHANCE OF COMPLETING THE TASK AT THIS POINT, AND STICKS HER OTHER FUCKING HAND IN!!! I’m sitting there on my living room couch, screaming WHY!!!!!!! YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO JUST DIE LIKE THAT!! sHE JUST STUCK HER HANDS IN AND SAID PEACE OUT EVERYONE, IM DEAD NOW I GUESS? How the fuck was she supposed to get ot of that one, Jigsaw? Where’s your moral lesson in that trap? Anyways back to Xavier because he’s the fucking WORST and my meds are wearing off. When he starts cutting off the skin on the back of his neck to get the safe code number (which was NEVER USED BY THE WAY) and hello zepp starts kicking in, I WAS LIKE YOU TURN THAT SHIT DOWN NOW, THIS MOMENT IS NOT DESERVING OF HELLO ZEPP, FUCK YOU. You’RE PULLING HELLO ZEPP NOW, WHEN THE FIRST MOVIE MADE THAT MOMENT AND THAT MUSIC INTO A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE??

This was me  dring that moment. Imagine Hello Zepp instead of Nicki Minaj though. Okay let’s talk about the main protagonist, bimbo cop. I’ve been avoiding him. The only likability/relatability I could find in his character is that my adhd ass also can’t listen to anyone monolouge for like more than 5 minutes. The fact that he couldn’t just reason with the man who kidnapped his kid for 5 minutes to save the goddamn kid was ridiculous. I don’t think anyone would have behaved like he did in that scenario. He was FULLY deserving of death, and, as stated before, I was pumped when he finally died. I was also even more happy that Amanda did it. Let’s talk about a good thing this movie had in it.

AMANDA YOUNG. Again. She has been the highlight of every single saw movie so far and I can’t wait for her to deliver in Saw iii. (YES i know what eventually happens to her in Saw iii.) But still, her twist was fun, she was the only character who was actually trying to help in the trials, and the new haircut was cute. But I can’t talk about Amanda in Saw ii without talking about that trial. Yeah. Let’s get into this can of worms, or should I say needles. Absolutely horrifying. I felt sick watching that go down. It was so powerful watching something so gut wrenching and genuinely horrifying without any explicit blood or gore. I think it’s one of the most effective saw trials that they have put into the franchise, and it’s definitely going to leave me with nightmares. It’s so much more distressing watching it in person than it is to read about it on the wikis. I can’t describe in words how terrifying that moment was. It was, in that regard, the highlight of Saw ii. It was also the best performance of Saw ii, watching Amanda scream in agony from being PUSHED in, to her giving in and frantically searching, grabbing piles of needles at a time. That transition was FANTASTIC. This scene definitely made me love Amanda’s character even more, and made the twist at the end oh so satisfying. I’m no twitter stan but I might as well be after watching Amanda Young in Saw i and ii.

Saw ii sucked a lot more and felt like it was trying too hard to be shocking and to have compelling characters that completely fell flat. Except for Jigsaw and Amanda, who were both AMAZING and SEXY. I’m very thankful that they are going to be the only motherfuckers from this shitshow of a movie that I will be  seeing again.

[millythepuppet]

STUPID HEMOPHOBIC BITCH REVIEWS SAW I

Okay, if there’s two goddamn things I know about the saw franchise it’s that the movies are really bad and they’re reall gory. Saw I was neither of those things. I really appreciated all of the acting performances from all of the characters, especially considering how low-budget this movie was. I have no earthly idea how they lucked out so hard to get Tobin Bell to play Corpse On Ground, considering he’s the only good actor in the rest of the franchise. What a fucking shot in the dark, jesus christ. The dynamic between Adam and Dr. Gordon was great, even though sometimes the delivery on lines was a bit weird or cheesy. However, they both behaved like levelheaded people with legitimate flaws in a crisis scenario. I know that the rest of the movies are not like this. I like how simple yet effective the test is for Adam and Dr. Gordon, and how long they hesitate to even saw off their feet. It felt very human, and it also felt like I was being dragged in there with them. That being said, the movie definitely has its early 2000′s charm, with the excess of filters and the somewhat ridiculous SUPER HIGH SPEED ACTION CAMERA SHOTS of other tests, but it was still really good. I live for cheesy 2000′s shit. Slipknot is my guilty pleasure. 

The plot made SENSE, so that was a bonus. I am excited to watch the plot of the saw movies look like a lovely thin slice of swiss cheese.

A highlight was definitely watching Amanda Young. She was my favorite character going into the movies, and that definitely stayed the same here. Watching her talk about her reverse bear trap trial and feeling reborn from it was honestly more shocking then any bloody moment in this movie. It’s easy to see why the reverse beartrap is so iconic now. Also Amanda’s look while getting the trap off? Kinda.... iconic??? The cool off the shoulder shirt? the thigh-high fishnets? the docs? Wow! Cute look sis!!

I also absolutely ADORED the ending. The cheesy flashes of previous scenes were honestly kinda fun, and hearing Hello Zepp alone got me fucking PUMPED UP!! I loved catching all of the hints about the twist littered throughout the movie, and felt so satified watching them be played back for me in the most dramatic of ways. I didn’t know when the Saw Theme Song was going to kick in, and honestly I wasn’t expecting it in the first movie at all. I assumed it was going to be used at an intense trial, but I’m glad it was saved for the end. It was a cool moment. I’m hopeful that i’ll get a similar cinematic experience at the end of other Saw movies with Hello Zepp.

Overall the movie was so cool and unique in the concepts it presented. The twist at the end was smart, if I knew nothing about saw there was a way to connect the dots. The gore was underwhelming, implied, and tasteful. As someone who doesnt like to see that shit, I appreciated it. The lack of gore definitely left me thinking more about the morals behind these games instead of thinking about the way the CrAzY tRiAls fucked up people’s bodies. Which was the initial point of these movies, believe it or not. I think if the original directors wanted to make a sequel, the franchise would be regarded as something a lot different than what it’s known as now. (basically not known as trash.)

[millythepuppet]

STUPID HEMOPHOBIC BITCH REVIEWS - SAW

Well, okay. let me make a disclaimer. I have all 8 saw movies at my disposal, and I’m gonna start watching them all. I have a phobia of blood/gore that I have made great progress in recovering from through watching horror. I made a lot of progress this summer, so I’m gonna start watching the saw movies as a final test for my hemophobia. I’m just gonna start putting my full reviews of the movies up on here for my friends to read, since they know that i’ve wanted to fully invest myself in the franchise for a while and haven’t had the ability to. I’m very excited! I have spent half of my college career parusing the Saw wikis so unfortunately I remember all of the main saw “twists” but I dont remember some specific tests/games. Also I don’t know many characters outside of John/Amanda/Hoffman so I still get to enjoy the suspense of not knowing if a character is going to live or die. If i can’t get through a movie I’m going to pause on the reviews for a while, and come back when I feel more secure in the progress I’m making with my phobia. 

[millythepuppet]

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII: JASON TAKES MANHATTAN REVIEW

HES ONLY IN MANHATTAN FOR LIKE 1/4 OF THE MOVIE, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT BULLSHIT!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? HES IN TIMES SQUARE FOR LIKE ONLY 5 SECONDS!!! JESUS CHRIST!!

[millythepuppet]