milzone

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i don’t think people understand how much of life is grief. not just people dying, but losing the version of yourself you thought you’d become. grieving the city you had to leave. the friends you lost not in argument, but in silence. the summer that will never come back. the feeling that maybe you peaked at 12 when you were reading books under the covers and believing in forever

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— T. James (via letsbelonelytogetherr)

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deobitwt kinda crazy rn erm

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starlight, baby

⛧°。⋆༺ ♱ masterlist

— drew / 19 / she/her / mdni!

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masterlist

caution: all are 18+ unless stated otherwise

lee hyunjae

kiss you right

lee juyeon

fever pitch study sesh i’m not in love

ji changmin

her way homemade with love

kim sunwoo

deviant

[milzone]

kiss you right | l.hj

SYNOPSIS: There’s only one reason why you’d call Hyunjae this late at night, and it was always because of your asshole boyfriend. He’s sick of it. And as your best friend, he knew he had to do something about it.

CONTENT WARNING: fingering, cheating!!, dacryphilia, biting, best friend lhj, he might be a bit obsessive and crazy, all the men in your life are red flags :(

WORD COUNT: 2.6k

A/N: sorry for the long wait! i didn’t like how my first draft turned out so i had to rewrite everything from start to finish </3. tbh, i feel like i couldve also done better with this one but I feel like I've been putting this off for too long sooo.. anw this isn't beta read!

P.S. this was supposed to be cute and sweet but i cant help it !! (is it obvious i have a type)

It’s two in the morning when Hyunjae wakes from the ringing of his phone. It was you calling, of course, and there’s only one reason why you’d call at this time. Despite his body’s unwillingness to move, he forces himself to sit up and reach for his phone on the nightstand.

“Hello?” he answers, groggy from sleep. His voice is rough and his throat feels parched, but he forces himself to speak. 

“Jae…”

The tone of your voice told him all he had to know, confirming his earlier suspicions. It was your boyfriend again, what else would he expect? You probably saw that dick at a bar with another girl and you needed Hyunjae’s comfort as your best friend.

Again. 

“Do you want me to come over?” He asks, already standing up from his bed and heading over to the door. Hyunjae hears your sniffles through the phone as he swipes his motorcycle keys off the kitchen counter, tossing a leather jacket over his figure and slipping his feet into his shoes.

“Please?”

Hyunjae finds you swaddled in blankets when he enters your room, eyes puffy as tears run down your face. Even when you’re like this — sad and crying, he can’t help but think how beautiful you still looked. With your long, pretty lashes wet from tears and your pink lips swollen and red from the constant biting — to Hyunjae, you looked almost perfect.

He almost wished you'd never have another good day in your life.

Gently, Hyunjae calls out your name, taking slow and steady steps over to your bed. You don’t make any sign of acknowledging him as he sits next to you, keeping his silence. He patiently waits for you to say something first, pulling you into a hug as you cry into his chest.

This occurrence was something like a routine for the both of you.

It came natural to him to come over to your place, see you cry, and to comfort you. It was the same old thing over and over again. But weirdly enough, Hyunjae didn’t mind. In fact, he quite liked this little arrangement — liked that he could see up close how your face beautifully contorted as you cried to him. 

Call him crazy or sadistic, but the way tears rolled down your face had always turned him on. Hyunjae found it hot when you’d heave and the breath got stuck in your throat, almost as if you were choking. He likes when you cling to him, scratching his back and biceps as he whispered in your ear. It’s sick how he fantasizes about you when he gets home — stroking his cock to the little sounds you made when you cry, but is it really his fault when you were just... so cute?

If only it wasn’t your boyfriend that made you cry. If only it was him. If only he could make you cry of pleasure and pain.

“I-I saw him with someone else again… at a bar.” You mumble, eyes distant as your hands gripped Hyunjae’s shirt. Seeing as you’ve calmed down enough to talk, Hyunjae pulls you closer and lets you lay your head on his thigh, stroking your hair as you tell him whatever the fuck your boyfriend did wrong again. “It was a different girl from last time.”

“Of course it is. You never learn, don’t you?” It slips out of his mouth before he realizes, and it takes Hyunjae a minute to compose himself before he meets your eyes once again. Only when he sees the tears brimming the corners of your eyes did he recognize his mistake, quick to console you. “Wait, no. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“No,” you cut him off with a sigh, “you’re right, Jae. I really never learn. No matter how many times he breaks my heart, I still come running back to him.”

You cover your eyes with your arm, too afraid to see what face Hyunjae was making at your confession. “Even now, I still miss him. I mean… he was my first, you know? A-and he treated me well.” Feeling shameful, you turn away from your best friend’s figure, cheeks red as you curl yourself into a ball. Despite how embarrassed you feel with admitting that fact to your best friend, it was true. Younghoon took all your firsts, from being your first boyfriend, first kiss, and to your first fuck.

He took all of it.

That’s why it hurt so much when you saw him with another girl the first time. After that incident, he started being hot and cold. Younghoon was confusing. If he wanted something from you, he’d be all sweet and clingy, like when the both of you were new lovers. But after that, he’d be cold again, and you’d catch him out somewhere with a woman clinging to his side.

It was pathetic that you still wanted him with how many times you’ve fought from catching him red-handed — pathetic that even if he already wanted to break up, you kept clinging to him like a leech.

“Is that it..?” Hyunjae whispers, and a beat passes before you could bring yourself to answer.

‘What do you mea—”

“Is that really the only reason? Because he’s good at sex? Baby, of course he is. He’s good ‘cause he fucks everyone!”

“Jae, of course it’s not just—”

“Shit!” Hyunjae runs a hand over his hair, tossing you into the middle of your bed as he slips himself in between your legs. He pins you under his arms, bangs falling over his eyes as he stares you down. As your cheeks flush a rosy red from the proximity, you can’t deny the heat that ran through your body from the way he manhandled you. This side of him was unfamiliar, something that you’ve never seen before, but despite that, you didn’t feel scared.

You felt excited.

But you know you should push him away.

So you put your palm on his chest, trying to push him away but he doesn’t budge.

“Don’t you know how many times I had to hold myself back from pouncing on you like this?” You feel his breath fan over your lips, so close that just one wrong move and your lips would meet. “Don’t you know how hard it was to control myself — to stop myself from pinning you to this bed and fucking you till I can’t tell night from day?”

Your breath hitches in your throat from Hyunjae’s sudden confession, shocked as you stared back at his hooded eyes swirling with want and lust. The feelings of nervousness and excitement pounded in your heart, quickly forgetting about what it is you were crying about. All that ran through your mind right now was the man in front of you and the way he looked at you as if he could devour you whole.

Hyunjae shifts his head to the side of your neck, nose tickling your skin as he inhales your scent. His knee shifts closer to your core, hands sliding up your waist and teasing just beneath your chest

When you feel his lips kiss along the shell of your ear, your breath hitches, spine tingling with anticipation. This feeling was all too new to you. Never in your whole two years with Younghoon did he ever make you feel this way — this zoo running rampant in your stomach, this heat spreading all throughout your body, and the wetness between your legs.

Yes, Younghoon turned you on, but he never got you this wet and wanting — never had your toes curling and fists clenching your bedsheets from just a kiss.

“Tell me you want me,” he whispers, “and I’ll give it to you. I’ll give all of myself to you.”

The warmth of his hand slipping under your shirt elicits a gasp from your lips as you instinctively put a hand between the both of you, but despite you pushing on his chest, Hyunjae doesn’t move an inch. His bangs fall over your face as he continues to stare you down with lust, eyes dark as he waits for a signal, itching to finally move his hand and touch you like he did in dreams.

Although he technically still had to hold back so as to not scare you off, Hyunjae was already happy that he was even given a chance. This kind of scenario was one he never even thought would be happening in real life. He was convinced that you'd never even take a glance his way when you were so blinded with your (soon-to-be) ex-boyfriend. But here he was now in reality, relishing the feel of your smooth skin under his fingertips.

Once you say yes, Hyunjae will make it his life’s mission to fuck you so thoroughly you’d forget you were even in a relationship in the first place. He’d do you so, so well that you’d want to be his instead.

It’s when his fingers slowly trace over the tattoo right under your left chest that you finally speak, out of breath as you pull him closer by his shirt. The temptation in his lips, the lust in his eyes, and the hint of desperation in his voice was all it took to entice you. Like a man at sea to a mermaid's song, he lured you in.

“Yes, please just — fuck! I want you, Jae. I want you so so ba—”

Hyunjae doesn’t give you a chance to finish your sentence when he smashes his lips onto yours, selfish in taking each of your breaths for himself. He lets his greed consume him, pouring all the years of longing for you into this first kiss.

Ever since the day he first laid eyes on you back in high school, he knew it was over for him — knew that he just had to have you. But that stupid fuck just had to step in and ruin everything with his playboy charm, and little ol’ you were just quick to fall for Younghoon’s tricks.

With each bite, kiss, and suck on your neck, Hyunjae lets his jealousy overflow, painting splotches of red, blue, and violet all over your skin. When you gasp in pain, squirming in discomfort, he doesn’t stop, blinded by his selfish desires. You should’ve known Hyunjae was a greedy man — should’ve known that if you let him, he’d take and take and take.

He’ll take all that you can give him until you were wholly his. Be it mind, body, heart, and soul.

As Hyunjae’s lips creep lower and lower, his slender fingers find purchase onto the waistband of your pajamas, making quick work of it as he tosses the garment somewhere in your room. He presses a kiss below your navel before capturing your lips once more, heedless in the way he bites your lip and lets his teeth clash with yours. It was a kiss that only knew how to consume — a kiss that held years of want and desperation.

Hyunjae was unkind with his ways, unfair when he cups your heat and presses his fingers over the wet spot on the fabric of your panties. The smirk on his face was undeniable, you feel it in the way the corner of his lips curl upward when he steals one last peck. You were so turned on by him that it was almost embarrassing. You shouldn’t even be doing this when you're still committed, but once again, Hyunjae steals your attention away when he pushes your panties to the side and inserts a finger. The sudden intrusion catches you off guard, an uncomfortable feeling settling in your stomach.

“W-wait, ah!” your eyes roll to the back of your head when he puts another in. The stretch makes you squirm, the feeling almost unfamiliar with how long it’s been since you’ve had something bigger than your fingers in. Hyunjae looks at you from underneath his lashes, observing the way you’d react from each press and thrust of his hand. It almost looks as if he’s in his own world, drunk on the image of you laying beneath him.

Hyunjae’s pace starts off slow, each push of his finger careful and calculated as if testing the waters. When he sees a good response, he continues and when he senses a bad reaction, he finds a better technique. This continuous push and pull and his attention to detail earns him the realization that you liked it deep. You liked it when he plunges his digits to the knuckles and when his fingers tease your clit — like when he whispers the dirtiest and most vile things in your ear.

“You like that? Like when I fuck you with my fingers on the bed you share with your boyfriend?” a devilish smile plasters itself on his face when he feels your walls throb around his fingers, surprised by what just came out of his mouth. “Bet you’ve thought of it when you have sex with him. Have you moaned my name in front of him before, baby? Come on, say my name.”

“J-Jaehyun…” you choke out, but he doesn’t seem satisfied. With mischief sparkling in his eyes, Hyunjae curls his finger upward in a beckoning motion, hitting that one specific spot deep inside you that sends electricity rushing through your body. 

“That’s not what you call me, angel, you know that.” his breath tickles your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. “Call me by the name you gave me.”

“A-ah, Hyunjae!” satisfied, he quickened his pace, hitting that one good spot over and over again. In the span of minutes, Hyunjae already knew your body like the back of his hand. He knew what made you feel good, the right pace, the right pressure, and the right words to say to get you off.

You’d even go as far to say he knew you better than Younghoon ever did.

Hyunaje’s fingers curl ever so slightly every time he thrusts the length of his fingers in you, pressing on that gummy spot inside your walls. Each moan that he pulls from your lips had him feeling giddy, forcing him to bite his lip to hide the growing smirk on his face.

“So good to me, baby. You gonna come? Gonna come for me like a good girl?”

“Yes, yes, yes, fuck—Jae..!”

And with one last thrust, your climax comes to you in a flash of white light, back arching into your best friend’s chest as he rides out your high, fingers circling your clit and lips pressing gentle kisses over your collarbone. It takes a minute for you to settle down, but Hyunjae waits patiently, gently massaging your thighs and waist as he cooed sweet nothings in your ear.

In the corner of your eye, you see him take the two digits he used on you in his mouth, sucking off the fluids from his hand. The taste of you on his tongue elicits a groan from his throat, sending shivers down your spine.

“You good?” he asks, smoothing both his hands over your body, “We could stop here if you want—”

“No!” it’s the way Hyunjae jolts that you realize your overreaction, and if you weren’t already blushing from what happened earlier, then you are now. God, if only a hole could open from the ground and swallow you whole right now. This might just be the most embarrassing moment of your life!

To make it worse, Hyunjae wasn’t even saying anything, he’s only staring at you with eyes wide like saucers. “I-I mean no… Let’s keep going, please?”

He chuckles, a teasing smile playing on his lips.

“That’s my girl.”

[milzone]

me vs the hundreds of fics on my gdocs i have yet to finish

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deviant | k.sw

SYNOPSIS: It’s summer break and Sunwoo is all alone at home while you’re out in Bali with your boyfriend. And to say he was jealous would be an understatement. It should have been him seeing and feeling you up in all your tanned and half-naked glory. Unfortunately for him, there’s no escaping reality, so Sunwoo makes use of his hands instead.

CONTENT WARNING: 18+, male masturbation 😟, best friend ksw, mirrors, phone sex kind of, they’re in college but that doesn’t really affect the story a whole lot

WORD COUNT: 1.5k

A/N: that pic of him really got me feeling things i just HAD to write this ++ i know i knowww i should be posting my hyunjae fanfic but THIS HAS BEEN STUCK IN MY HEAD FOR WEEKSSS so im sorry if you’ve been waiting for that </3 anw sunwoo might be a bit of a creep here :D

How vulgar.

Sunwoo thinks as he stares at himself in the mirror, cheeks flushed as he lays on his bed, sweatpants pushed to his thighs and a hand languidly stroking his cock. His free hand slips under his black shirt, feeling the heat of his skin beneath his fingertips as he closes his eyes, imagining his rough and calloused hand was your small and soft ones instead.

It was summer vacation, and here he was back at home wasting away in his old room. Normally, he’d stay back in his dorm, hanging out with his friends and you — his best friend. But to his luck, you and almost all the other guys in his circle either went back to their hometowns or flew out of the country to have some fun… which is exactly what you did, leaving him all alone in the (dis)comforts of his own home.

As of now, you were probably prancing around the beaches of Bali in a cute little two-piece, showing off your curves for the locals to see. Sunwoo was jealous, of course. How could he not be when other people are getting to see all that? You’ve been best friends since elementary and he hasn’t even gotten a peep of you in your underwear, having to rely on his imagination every time he jerks off.

“God…” he whispers through a shaky breath, thinking about how your skin would feel against his. Sunwoo wonders if you were tanner now from being out in the sun, wonders if your tits are a shade lighter from being covered by a bikini. He imagines himself licking over your nipples, tracing the tan line on your breasts with his tongue.

With gentle pressure, Sunwoo traces the vein on the underside of his cock with two fingers, pretending it was your tongue licking up his shaft. He pictures you kneeled in front of him, teasing around the tip as you look him in the eye. You’d be wet with sea water, gently dripping down your hair and in between your perky breasts, and he’d watch with pleasure as you took his length whole, deep into your throat until you choked.

The image he had of you inside his head had Sunwoo bucking up faster into his fist, panting as he watched himself in the mirror. A dog in heat was what he looked like, choked moans spilling out of his lips as he pleasured himself to the thought of you.

“Fuck! Please, just..!” He moans your name, toes curling at the thought of how it would feel to have your tight walls wrapped around his aching cock, bouncing on top as you suffocated him with your weight.

Sunwoo wanted you so, so bad it drove him insane. Knowing he can’t ever tell you about his hidden desire frustrated him to no end. He knew you didn’t like him back in that way — he didn’t want to ruin the bond he built between the two of you lest you leave him for being so sick in the head. Having lewd fantasies of your best friend wasn’t normal, after all. And yet, Sunwoo continues to do this, fucking his fist imagining it was you instead.

He brushes his bangs off his face, pulling at his own hair as he thinks about how you’d grab it while you kissed, nails digging into his scalp. The pain sends electricity down Sunwoo’s spine, pleasure coursing through his veins as he continues his strokes, relentless in the way he thrusts his cock into his hand.

“Just—shit, baby, just a little more.” He groans through gritted teeth, feeling the muscles in his stomach grow tighter and tighter. Sunwoo knew he was close by the way excitement bubbles up from his chest. His heart pounding, pulse ringing in his ears as the world slowly fades to black. Just a few more pumps and—

“FUCK!”

The shrill ring of his phone pulls Sunwoo back to reality.

“What the?” He curses, stumbling out of his bed to where his phone vibrated on the desk, “I swear I’m gonna murder whoever the fuck you are.”

As his cock remains out in the open, cold and barely covered by his shirt, Sunwoo snatches his phone and punches the green answer button, failing to check who exactly it was that was calling him as he angrily presses the device to his ear.

“Fuck do you want? I’m busy.”

Silence. A beat passes.

“Well, someone’s got their panties in a twist.”

Hearing your voice almost makes Sunwoo drop his phone, gasping as he scrambles to explain himself. “W-wait, no, angel, I-I didn’t mean to say—”

The sound of your laughter is what cuts him off from further embarrassing himself, and if Sunwoo wasn’t already blushing a while ago, then he was now. He could only cover his mouth in shame as he lets you continue to make fun of him for stuttering like that. Never in his life did he think you’d give him blue balls like this.

“Are you done?” He asks when the laughter dies down, rolling his eyes as he hears you trying to stifle your laughter.

“Y-yeah,” you heaved, “I’m done.”

And as if nothing had happened, you start yapping about your day. The sound of your voice tickles Sunwoo on the inside, cock hot and throbbing as an idea pops into his head.

All of Sunwoo’s ideas are bad ideas. His family knows this, his friends, neighbors… heck, even you know this!

And this one was no exception.

Once again he wraps his hand around his length, sucking in a breath as he nervously pumps his cock.

As Sunwoo listened to you complain about the pink bikini he bought fitting a little too tight, all he could hear was how the fat of your ass spilled out the fabric. He imagines the marks it would leave on your butt, tracing a cute little triangle around the expanse.

You tell him about how hot it was in Bali and that it easily gave you a tan, so he visualizes your chest and how your perky tits would fill your top, almost spilling over the fabric. 

“Shit.” He curses, and you stop in your tracks.

“Um… you good?” 

Sunwoo almost forgot he was on call.

“O-oh, yeah! Just stubbed my toe.” He lies, and you make fun of him for a bit before talking his ears off again. Even through the static effect the call had on your voice, it still sounded as if you were teasing him—still sounded sultry and sensual to his ears.

Sunwoo knew that never in a million years would you try to seduce him. You had a boyfriend, for crying out loud! But he just can’t help but imagine you like this, as he languidly strokes his cock to the sound of your voice.

He tries his best to keep quiet, shoving the end of his shirt into his mouth to silence himself. It was a miracle you didn’t notice how heavy his breathing was through the phone—or if you did, you just didn’t point it out, but to Sunwoo’s dismay, your yap sesh was clearly coming to a close.

“Hey, Sun…”

His strokes move faster, thumb teasing the slit on his tip as his saliva soaks through the fabric of his shirt.

“I think I gotta go, Sangyeon’s calling me over for drinks.”

Sunwoo suppresses a groan, inhaling a sharp breath, cock an angry red as his thumb teases his tip.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, yeah?”

The wet and sticky sounds ring through his ears, heart beating loud in his chest as he imagines you under him. Moaning in wanton while he thrusts his shaft into you over and over till a ring of cum forms around his cock.

“No, keep t-talking.” He whispers, and he could feel your reaction through the phone. Clearly taken aback with his sudden demand.

“What? But my parents and my boyfriend are waiting.”

“Just, fuck, tell me a-a bit more about your day, yeah?” a sharp inhale, “You know I missed you, baby.”

Sunwoo fastens his pace, cursing inside his head as he thinks about you under him doggy style, massaging your breasts as he fucked you relentless.

“Look, dude. I really have to go. Everyone’s all settled and they’re just waiting for me to get off the phone.” you sigh, scratching your nape. “I’ll call you again tomorrow, alright?”

He heard a loud smack, like the sound of a kiss. “Bye, bub, love you!”

Sunwoo’s eyes roll to the back of his head.

“S-shit, say that again.”

There it is, the loud drumming in his ears as if his heart was beating inside his head, eyes going out of focus as you once again say—

“What? I love you?” You sounded suspicious, rightfully so, and yet Sunwoo couldn't give less of a fuck. At this point, nothing mattered to him. He was too concerned with chasing his own high.

"Uh, I love you, Sun... bye now."

“F-fuck!” And it washes through him like rough waves to the shore, body tensing as he releases strings of white all over his hands and the floor. Sunwoo doesn’t even register the words you last said before ending the call, too caught up in the mind-numbing orgasm he had from your voice alone.

Sweat drips down his neck and shirt as he tosses his phone back on the table, pushing his wet bangs back so he could see the mess he made more clearly. His knees felt weak, having to prop himself up against the wall so he wouldn’t slump to the ground.

As Sunwoo’s breaths slowly start to even out, the sound of a text message from his phone is what brings him back to reality, and seeing your face on the notification has the world crashing down on him.

“What the fuck… did I just do?”

[milzone]

oh my god i havent posted in MONTHS 😭 our finals exams has been crazy and STRESSFUL but im free!! 2 months vacay iktr

so far im not satisfied with my first draft of kiss you right so i might upload a sunwoo fic im almost finished with instead yall IM SORRY 😭 but ill try to post kiss you right as soon as i can!! :D

[milzone]

wow, kiss you right won by a lot! i honestly expected her way to win but what a nice surprise ^^ many thanks to everyone who voted! i have already written half of it and i will be posting in a couple days once i finish. i truly hope my writing lives up to your expectations <3 and for those who voted for her way, dw! i’ll still be posting it but maybe at a later date once i'm done with it ^^

currently have these two in the drafts! both are still in progress and idk what to finish first, so if there’s one you guys want to see first please tell meee ><

[milzone]

currently have these two in the drafts! both are still in progress and idk what to finish first, so if there’s one you guys want to see first please tell meee ><

[milzone]

Anaïs Nin, from a diary entry featured in Trapeze: The Unexpurgated Diary of Anais Nin, 1947-1955

[milzone]

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Fever pitch is so good. The boyz are in need of more writers and you killed it. Will there be a part 2 where he makes his move? Or is he doomed to be forever delusional?? You wrote his character well. I’m looking forward to more and thank you for writing for tbz.

thank you sm!! tbh, i was a little hesitant to post fever pitch bc i felt like it wasn’t good enough, so im glad you liked it ^^

when i finished writing fever pitch, i already knew there won’t be a pt 2 (sorry!!). i just think that juyeon’s role in this oneshot is more about yearning for (and obsessing over) something he can’t and is not allowed to have, so if i write a pt 2 where he gets a chance with you, it ruins the allure and the whole point of why i wrote this :(

anw, i will definitely be writing more stories like this in the future! so i hope you guys look forward to it <3

[milzone]

fever pitch | l.jy

SYNOPSIS: Juyeon knew how wrong it was to think of you — his fellow idol — in such a lewd and filthy way, but he just couldn't help himself. He was obsessed with you, and he needed a release.

CONTENT WARNING: 18+, male masturbation, mentions of blood & biting, idol!au, basically this is loser juyeon fantasizing

WORD COUNT: 1.7k | oneshot

A/N: a bit rusty since i haven't written in like… two years... so pls bear with me! though this isn't my first time writing, it is my first tbz fanfic ^^ (as well as my first time posting here) but anw, this isn't proofread :p happy reading!

His breath catches in his throat when your eyes meet from across the stage, cheeks flushing red from being caught staring.

“Great, how obvious could I be?” Juyeon scolds himself, bringing his focus back on the freshly debuted boy group on stage. They were good at what they were doing, no lie. He thought those kids had a bright future ahead of them, but in spite of that, he couldn't bring himself to fully place his attention in their performance.

Juyeon swallows the lump in his throat, fixing the collar of his shirt that suddenly felt too tight. Shifting in his seat, he sneaks another quick glance to your figure clad in a tiny black pinstripe dress that hugged your body so well it left little to his imagination. The way the fat of your thighs spill over your white knee-high stockings and how the buttons of your dress seem like they’ll pop with just one wrong move sends his mind to places it shouldn’t be.

The rational part of him knew it wasn’t right to think of you this way — a co-idol, no less, but it was difficult for him when you were just so, so fucking erotic. Your performance earlier had Juyeon rushing to the restroom to rub off a quick one, gaining weird looks from the other boys as he stumbled on his own two feet. It was embarrassing how tight his pants felt, even more with how quickly he came when he thought of how your eyes met for a fleeting moment as you danced on stage. The tip of his cock was an angry red, pulsing in his hand as he hissed from how sensitive it felt — and never in his life did he feel so pathetic.

“You good, dude?” Kevin asks, patting his back as Juyeon once again squirms in his seat, “You’ve been acting weird since you came back.”

Juyeon nods his head, releasing a shaky breath as he addresses the concerned man. “A-ah, yes,” he loosens his tie. “I’m fine, don't worry.”

But Kevin isn’t convinced, not one bit when he sees how Juyeon’s pupils are blown and how the beads of sweat rolled down the man’s forehead and down to his neck. This was the first time Kevin saw the usually calm and collected Juyeon this way — the first time he saw him so… out of it. Normally, he’d press on and ask Juyeon if he really was okay, but something in his head told him to leave the man be, and if there’s one thing that Kevin could trust with his life, then it was his gut.

It’s long past midnight yet Juyeon was still wide awake. He remembers getting home at around 11:27pm with the other guys but no matter how tiring the day was, he just couldn’t sleep. He’d been trying for hours now, tossing and turning in bed to no avail. From simply closing his eyes, watching boring videos, and counting sheep. Juyeon had tried everything to put himself to sleep, but clearly, nothing was working.

The thought of you kept him wide awake.

The air-conditioner was turnt up to the coldest setting and yet his body felt like it was on fire, his cheeks burned red and the clothes he was wearing felt so unbearably constricting that he had to take it all off save for his boxers. He’s near naked now, and yet everything still feels so hot. Sweat dripped down his body in buckets, and Juyeon felt like he was about to have a fever with the way things were going.

He knew what he needed — knew that a release would do him wonders, but he already felt bad enough from doing it one time earlier at the show. Felt even worse when you bumped into him after and he got a hard-on from seeing your tits bounce within the confines of your skimpy top.

“Fuck!” He hits the wall next to him, rubbing a hand over his face as if it would help rid him of the shameless thoughts running through his head.

He was so down bad to the point of it being embarrassing. What makes it worse is that the both of you weren’t even friends in the first place. Sure, you’d greet each other time-to-time when passing by each other at music shows out of respect. He’s heard of you and you’ve heard of him. He shows up on the news often and you do too. He’s watched a lot of videos of you online (he's not sure if you have), and you could even say he was a fan, but having a proper conversation in or outside work?

No. None at all.

Juyeon felt so disgusting and pathetic to think of someone he barely even knew this way. A sinner, that’s what he was — his morals, values, and beliefs being thrown out the window just because he couldn’t control that thing between his legs that stood up at just the thought of you. Juyeon truly didn’t know what was wrong with him, he normally didn’t have such a high libido, and yet…

A strained moan slips past his lips, hand trailing down the expanse of his torso leading to the waistband of his boxers. Juyeon felt how hot his body was beneath his fingertips as he reached under and wrapped a shaky hand around his throbbing cock. He knew it was wrong — knew it was so, so wrong to touch himself to someone who’s only shown him good.

You were so pure, so innocent. Everyone sang you praises wherever he went. An angel, that's what you were.

But Juyeon was desperate. And he needed a release.

He sucks in a breath, moaning your name as he traces the tip of his cock with the rough pad of his thumb. The feeling sent shivers down his spine, throwing his head back as he digs his nail into the slit of his length. His body was so hot. Everything felt so hot he'd think he was in hell.

Shit. Was he coming down with a fever?

“Mm, please…” He starts with slow languid strokes, body tired and weak from the events of the day. He squeezes at the tip with each pump of his hand, biting his lip to tone down the whimpers trying to slip past his lips. Juyeon felt so naughty, so dirty knowing that only a thin wall separated him from the other members.

What would they think if they found out he touched himself to the thought of you? The nation’s sweetheart, loved by all for her charm and kind personality… Would they look at him with disgust? Contempt? Would they kick him out of the group?

“A-aah!” Juyeon slaps a hand around his mouth, cursing himself for being unable to control his moans. Every time he looked your way, all he wanted to do was bite. Bite until your skin bled red — bite until you were covered in purple. Juyeon wanted a taste of your skin — your flesh. He wanted to know how sweet you would taste beneath his tongue and teeth.

Would you taste like caramel? Vanilla? Or strawberries? He quite liked fruit.

The skin of his lip under his teeth start to rip from how hard he was biting it, the taste of iron on his tongue making him cringe, and yet while all of this is happening, the pace at which he’s thrusting into his hand never falters. Juyeon felt nauseous as he reached for his sack with his other hand, massaging it between his fingers while imagining you.

The thought of you was torture to him. You ran through his mind at every minute of every day, and yet still — how ridiculous it is that you are still all he’s ever wanted. He knew that this desire — this obsession of his was unhealthy. There were so many things he wanted to do to you, but many more that he wanted you to do to him.

Even during the day, he let his fantasies run wild. Juyeon has imagined you on top of him, warming his cock as your hands wrapped around his throat until he couldn't breathe, till he was suffocating and till he turned blue and passed out. He thought about pounding into you missionary while you scratched at his back and pulled at his hair, nails digging into his skin until they oozed crimson — until the scarlet color of his blood was ingrained into the tips of your fingers. He wanted you to suffocate him with your legs, face wet with your juices as he ate you out until he couldn’t no more.

At this point, he’ll take anything you gave him. Juyeon was hungry, so hungry that just a brush of your shoulders would suffice. It would be enough to make him cum for the next year or two. It was so bad, so, so bad how much he wanted you — needed you to be all his that he was tempted to get down on his knees the next time you met to beg for just a taste. 

The strokes on his length quicken as a heavy feeling starts to form beneath his stomach, trailing a hand up his warm body to tease his nipples. His cock throbs in his hand, begging for a release as your name slips past his lips like a prayer. Juyeon was crying now, tears cooling down his body that felt like it was on fire. He felt delirious, the world around him was spinning and yet he still couldn’t stop himself from thrusting into his hand, pre-cum dripping from his slit and lathering his dick.

As Juyeon feels his release creeping closer and closer, hands sticky as he pumps his cock, it was the thought of the eye contact you made earlier in the day that has him cumming rope after rope of cum. The white coats his hands and stomach, dripping down his waist and ruining his bed. And at that moment, Juyeon couldn’t find it in himself to care about the condition of his bed or how pathetic he looked — naked with cum all over him.

He was tired and spent and he just wanted to sleep.

.

When Juyeon wakes up the next day, he finds that he came down with a fever.