mindcrowned

[mindcrowned]

ryan himself couldn’t … explain the way his powers worked, not in its entirety. it was .. complicated - he knew how it worked, he knew instinctively what to do, he just … did it. when he touched someone, he didn’t just see their memories, he didn’t just feel their powers… it was like.. when he took over their .. essence.. he took in so much more. their skills, their strength & their weaknesses. it wasn’t something he could describe — really, it was just … it happened. he didn’t really parade it around, he preferred to keep the majority of his powers to himself. he could already imagine the chatter that’d follow him now. copycat. it was whatever really, he didn’t care. he was who he was. the shadows had bent to his will & he didn’t know why - they just did. he was glad the other didn’t … push it. at least not right now. he wouldn’t find the answers he was looking for - most likely, anyway. he doubted he ever would.

the refill was more than welcome. ryan didn’t come here to enjoy a drink - he .. wanted to take himself out for a peaceful night in a bed that wasn’t his own, with a roommate that wasn’t the one he chose. (he chose none.) “guess we did. how come you weren’t enjoyin’ the stage? shouldn’t that be your thing?” obviously, by now — even someone who didn’t already know mikhail as the actor he was… would’ve googled him. ryan nursed his drink & let his eyes follow the other towards the tv, brows furrowing just a little when he turned it on, silently. not a fan of peace? hm. although… he chose not tv, but music. good music. interesting. he truly was a mystery.

“someone did.” ryan shrugged, sipping his drink again, though after that first shot .. he was taking it slower, enjoying the bitter taste on his tongue. “what would you like to be called then?” they’d never introduced themselves & ryan wouldn’t assume his preferences.

He narrowed his eyes just slightly at the comment from the copycat. Guess I got lucky the shadows played along... They never did. Luck or not. To grow your shadow and make shapes out of it was one thing. A true parlor trick. Nothing too complex. But the level of control and refinement that Ryan displayed in that room spoke of something that Mikhail himself took months to perfect, his age notwithstanding. That spoke of a depth to Ryan's own power. Something that Ryan was holding back. And Mikhail wondered if it would be wise to try and get that info out of him. What's your true power, Mr. Estrada? He asked in his mind as he sipped on his drink and still studied the features of the male before him. You just made yourself all the more interesting read. He added, half referencing to his thoughts in their first interaction.

No questions asked, a refill was served to both of them. Mikhail certainly could hold his liquor. He wondered if Ryan could too or if he had also absorbed Mikhail's own resistance. "Don't mention it. We had a deal." He pointed simply and then moved over to the TV, turning on the sound system, just to have background noises as he settled some classic musics to play since Ryan didn't seem like the chattiest person... Unless provoked. And he'd rather have the male with his guard as low as possible.

"By the way. No one calls me Misha."

[mindcrowned]

@shadowembraced

punishment mission, huh? sure, ash wouldn't put it like that, but it was clear - to ryan at least & he somewhat deserved it. when motivation was on an all-time low, success was not an easy target to acquire. it.. had gone decent. well, there was the charlie incident & while the elevator door dinged to announce it was closing, he .. thought about it & mikhail protecting him. not that he needed it, per se. he was fine, he could defend himself.

"who said half? when do you ever?" with a little scoff, ryan followed the other towards the elevators, urging to send one up as a decoy while they went the sneaky way up top. he leaned against the wall of the elevator & fiddled with his gloves a bit, "thanks for earlier. you didn't have to... but.... appreciate it." he really didn't want a repeat of being the human torch.

[mindcrowned]

— control.

ryan's entire existence is based on the lack of control. when he was born & abandoned, he had no control over what happened next. when he was returned to social services time & time again, he had no control over that. when he was sent to live in an abusive household for the unseeable future before he could even properly speak, he had no control over that. when his powers first manifested & he spent most of his days in panic mode because every single time he touched someone, he'd ..see things. he had no control over that. not over what exactly he saw, or whether he even wanted to.

sent back & forth between families, foster care & never once was ryan asked what he wanted. he'd seen the inside of more houses than a real estate agent at the age of nine & it wasn't going to get any better after that. when the kids he shared his room with at the residential foster care noticed the weak, nerdy bookworm with big-ass glasses reacted badly to touch... & they chose to pin him down & play with his fears, he had no control over that.

that distinct lack of control of anything in his life was the base ryan built his life upon. acceptance led to adaptation. instead of fighting for control, he built walls around him. anti-social, they branded him when all he needed was a person to listen to him. instead he was labeled & discarded, so ryan reinforced the walls around him. layers of clothes stacked on top of each other to protect his heart core, gloves, socks at all times. he his himself away from the world.

not quite... control, in a sense, but the closest to it ryan ever got. he felt safer with layers, with gloves, with turtlenecks or button downs with cute little ties keeping everything in place.

but over the years, he'd retreated back into his mind so much on the whole power front that discomfort had shifted & evolved into fear, caution had become anxiety & so ryan retreated further into his shell. he was good at hiding it - always. polite little smile on his lips when asked if he'd ever show some skin during the summer. the answer was no.

his hubands fear & disdain for supers had only added to ryan's suppressed terror concerning his powers & as they grew ...with him, showing him the extent of their reach... yeah, he understood everybody claiming his kind was dangerous. there was no controlling them, no keeping them in check, no bartering with them either. it was all or nothing.

control a myth.

& then, after a few years of relative peace, ryan was reminded that control was a myth. when he found his world in shambles, bleeding out on the kitchen floor & there was nothing he could do about it. he had no control over it. he couldn't do anything about it either, because - even if his powers were his own to command... they were useless as was.

being at the institute & meeting others like him had somewhat warmed him up to the idea that maybe life didn't have to be misery, that maybe he could learn to use his gift for something good. that night with mikhail (it's not that) gave him hope..to some extent that maybe there was control to be found within him.

& then, his worst nigthmare became reality. he lost control of his own body, but not ... that way. not the touching, not his powers - no. fully. being stuck inside his own body & having to watch it hurt the people he actually cared for in his own twisted way was excruciating. knowing that no matter how loud he screamed & how hard he thrashed, control .. was not his friend. as per usual.

only this time there was so much more at stake. it wasn't just his own safety, his own life, his own fate - as it usually was. no. it was everybody. sure, he'd debated on how useful he could be with charlie's powers in his hands, but the risk had frightened him enough to keep his distance.

control was a myth.

& someone had made use of that. of him. of the powers he didn't want in the first place. how many had he just killed? how many could he possibly have killed? how did they know it wouldn't happen again? how could he know that he was safe now, back at the institute? he couldn't.

he wouldn't wish that fate on his worst enemy, that helplessness that filled him to the brim when his body moved against his will & there was nothing he could do to stop it. he'd never been this scared before.

control.... is a myth.

and ryan won't be leaving his room unless dragged out for the unforeseeable future.

[mindcrowned]

"i can see why." ryan thought about the best way to present himself in front of a crowd of people he barely knew & who barely knew him. he thought about… using that little trick, he'd seen the actor use it during his …younger years, but he felt it smartest to present something the crowd had seen before to enunciate clearly what it was ryan did. was it classy? probably not. did he feel good about copying others? nah. but it was his god-given gift & so he made use of it as he saw fit. it wasn't like he made a habit of it, like he planned to go around taking everybody's power & declaring their presence here unnecessary. ryan was far … from that mindset. he just wanted to be here, so he could get out there & do what they did …legally. without restraint.

admittedly, ryan thought the offer to get drunk together - if more sophistically worded by the shadow weaver was meant for after the event, but apparently… not. he wasn't sure if skipping the end of it was smart, especially because ryan would profit from knowing everybody's abilities, but .. he was here now, he might as well get what he came for.

"oh, yeah. it's fine." ryan knew that some must think him weak, needing to steal to perform, but he hadn't asked to be born this way & whatever god thought about when he made him… well, ryan had yet to find another way to use his gift. *"guess i got lucky the shadows played along." ryan hummed with a little shrug, chasing the other towards the bar to get his prize. *no, not mikhail.* the booze. only the booze. what the actor didn't quite know - or anybody other than father ( & therefore the team of the institute most likely) .. ryan didn't just absorb … or mimic powers. there was a depth to what he did.. only few could be able to grasp, he felt. the reason he avoided touching others wasn't their powers pouring into him, it was … everything else. sure, the absorbing itself wasn't that much fun either, but it wasn't the actual deal breaker. it was the memories, good & bad - painful, numbing .. enlightening … in misha's case. explained a whole lot why he was the way he was.

& that was the main issue. knowing other people's deepest darkest secrets… knowing everything about them with a single touch… it wasn't … well, besides it giving him a murder migraine.. it also… it just.. he didn't want it. he didn't want to know anything, not like this. in this case … it made him curious, maybe feeling a little sympathetic for the other. "thanks." he sipped his drink, throwing his head back to down it quick. soft hiss, but it was really good.

He was used to showing off. And to being under the constant nagging of PR and unrealistic expectations so it had been no struggle for his part when Ash called him out and invited him to be the first. But the ginger had clearly been out of his element when he called him out about his smile. There was always a time for a red carpet grin to show. But never when his powers were at play and his eyes were darkened for that would give him an unhinged look that was never good on camera so smoldering also worked. He wondered if he should request Izabel's former PR to be hired as well. Considering the woman had awfully high standards and that one managed to survive under her tyranny almost as long as Mikhail himself did. But now was not the time to think about Izabel Oshakova. Or Ash Kestis for that matter. He'd clean whatever mess happened after their departure and Mikhail would have something more interesting to do with his time.

His shadow traveling had brought them back to the living room, coincidentally the same spot they had had their first interaction.

Mikhail let go of Ryan once they found themselves on solid ground and moved calmly and casually around the living room, heading over to the bar, thankfully refilled. "A little parlor trick that can be quite convenient." Since he was never above disappearing out of nowhere when he found himself craving company that wouldn't do any good for him in front of cameras. The most destructive bits about his powers were... Left aside and locked deep within his memories. "Yours isn't bad either if I do say so myself." But there was this bit that bothered him slightly. Sure, Ryan could be a copycat all he wanted but the finesse he displayed showed that, clearly, there was a depth to his powers that could make many feel uneasy. "The level of refinement was astounding... For someone that apparently doesn't deal with shadows that often..." He mused pouring a glass for him and for the shorter male.

[mindcrowned]

the funny thing about ryan & his powers was that - in the years that he could have touched people freely, he didn't. little ryan had spent the majority of his early years alone, in a room - in a crib, or a toddler's bed with only himself for company. he never learned to appreciate touch, not until a decade later when the estrada-takashi's adopted him, which was - well, when it was too late to properly experience human touch & affection. by then, ryan had already been traumatized up to the point of downright refusing to touch anybody.

it wasn't like he didn't want to trust his newest parents - oh no. every single time ryan was adopted, he opened his little heart for them in the hopes of finding this warmth & sense of security the ads always talked about & every single time he'd been denied exactly that & sent back to hell, a part of his heart died, up until the point that - when he was sent to a place for older kids, which was the beginning of the worst time of his life, ryan built a wall around himself. well, his heart .. precisely. if the people around him - those who were responsible for him didn't want to protect it, he would.

undoing those ..safety measures was not an easy task & ryan struggled with it even nowadays. he never stopped struggling. his husband knew from the start & never ..complained per se, but ryan knew it wasn't ideal ..for a relationship. sure, they could hug, he could touch, but ... never without fabric between them. never. he never would, which was a fate he thought he had long-since accepted, but part of him.. hadn't yet. part of him still prayed that one day he'd be free of this curse.

sometimes he forgot that others felt differently about their powers, that they valued them, cherished them & welcomed them into their lives. sure, the idea itself confused him to no end, but that was mainly because he couldn't relate in the slightest. ryan didn't know better, he knew no alternative life. no way out. life was what it was, whether he ..liked it or not. he'd come to the realization that he'd never understand a long time ago. but, he assumed, it was more difficult to grasp for others - those who weren't used to the idea that some might not have the same privileges as they did. could he even think of it as privileges? being able to touch? opportunity, maybe. options. whatever one may call it.

the silence between them wasn't uncomfortable per se & while matthias pondered on the explanation given by none other than yours truly, ryan checked on the oven, although.. yeah, nah - a little longer.

you cannot touch others.

it made sense that that little detail would catch attention. people had a million & two reasons why they avoided touching others, but .. well, in ryan's case .. it wasn't his choice. admittedly, the gloves helped a lot, especially with social norms, because many people would take offense in ryan not shaking their hand during an introduction. easier to ignore gloves - or ask him about them, than to see past one person refusing to shake hands. that sure as hell caught attention - ryan knew. "i mean, i can." he could, theoretically. "but it's for the best if i don't. it's.. not safe." ryan may have his temper under control, but his powers? far from. they controlled him, his life - his fate. they always had.

he offered the other a little smile, followed by a little sigh. people took a lot of things for granted. he did, too - before coming here. humans were so very good at that. "i... yeah." what could he even say to that? that he would give anything for it not to be this way? that he would do anything to be normal & back in time to touch his loved ones, kiss them goodbye every morning & goodnight every night? yeah, uh, how about... no? "they do, but to their defense... not a lot of freaks like me around to know better." he couldn't judge others for his ...shortcomings.

the whole idea of pinky promises was a children's fantasy & yet, ryan - raised (partially anyway) as a man of honor, liked the idea. people these days gave promises they didn't mean left & right, but only few of them actually were held. ryan held his, usually. he thought it done when he pulled away, but chuckled quietly when matthias returned the favor. "appreciated, because .. it's not as easy as it looks." summon ice & shot, yeah - sounded easy enough, but it wasn't. he hoped that the necessary understanding for abilities would come with time, but he'd never turn down help. "thanks. it's a deal." wider smile now, softer in nature.

so engrossed in their talk, he almost forgot the food, checking the oven just in time. "sit, sit. it's done." two plates were served, a few potatoes draped on the side of the plate & the main attraction right in the center. he set the plates down & fetched a few cans of soda - a wild variety for the other to choose from & placed everything on the table before sitting down with him. "it's uh, we call it meatloaf. my step mom wanted us to be independent. and know how to cook american classics."

There was so much that Matthias didn’t know about the world. There was even more that he didn’t know about other people. Hearing Ryan’s story – hearing him talk about how he couldn’t control his powers and how physical contact with anyone could be PROBLEMATIC… it gave the Russian pause. There was a moment when Matthias’ gaze fell on something that was not exactly there. How many times did he actually stop to consider someone else’s tale? Their origins? How many individuals that had been locked with him back in the Gulag had a similar story to him or Ryan? He never once stopped to think about that. Not even for a second. It was only when he came to Paragon and started to hang out with people without the fear of constant death lingering in his mind and not having to fight every single second… that he started to come to realize that they were… human. That they all had a past. That every single one of them had their own individual struggles. Back in the Gulag, he didn’t care. He didn’t want people near him. He didn’t need friends or allies or people that would come close only to exploit him. He was a kid and he learned the HARD way that the only person he could ever, ever trust was himself. Others would always have their own goals in mind and use and abuse of others to get what they wanted. It was a dog eat dog world and Matthias had learned the bad way that he COULD NOT trust others. Always expect a knife in the back or someone trying to kill him when his guard was low. That’s why he had never wondered about someone else’s past. Why he never cared about how others might feel. Of how they came to be the person that they were this day. It was not his job to WORRY. It was not his task to CARE. But he was listening now. And a part of him, one that more recently than not came from under all the ice and snow that kept him down, felt sorry for Ryan. The Russian was well aware that caring for someone was a WEAKNESS. They would betray him in the end and he would die and it would all be his fault. But maybe he didn’t need to be constantly looking over his shoulder here. Morgan was nice. Dylan was nice. Alaric, Charlie. Everyone was nice to him and no one had done anything to incur in his WRATH. In fact, every single one of those guys were showing him different sides of the world that he had no knowledge about. Just like Ryan was doing now by sharing – even without saying much – how tough things had been for him. That it wasn’t just Matthias that had it rough. Other people had too. And they had done nothing to deserve their fate other than being born differently than most. “You cannot touch others.” That was the part that to the Russian… hurt the most. To him, it was perfect. It would be a nice way to keep everyone away since he despised ( maybe not so much nowadays ) being close to other people. But Ryan was not him. He had this kindness to him – he was ever so quick to apologize for the touching – that was unfamiliar to Matthias. It must have been quite painful for him to be unable to touch someone else. To maybe be… intimate with someone else. Matthias had no idea why his mind went there but it did. “That must be hard for you. People take handshakes and hugs for granted.” Something so basic and so natural… being something that probably pained the living hell out of Ryan.

But it was a good thing that the other man was teaching him all about a pinky swear. It was a nice distraction from the dark thoughts lingering in his mind – Matthias considering things he had never considered before until this point. His head tilted to the side, almost like a curious little puppy watching what someone else was doing and trying to access if he liked it or not. He had his pinky linked with Ryan’s gloved one. A promise that you would never, EVER break. Circumstances changed all the time and Matthias was aware of how little someone’s word meant. Promises could be broke easily. He had seen it happen before and nothing would surprise him if Ryan broke this one too. It was in their nature to break other people’s trust simply because they could. But… Matthias looked at Ryan for one moment – almost as if he was inspecting him under a new light. And then he snatched the man’s pinky with his own, linking them as they did just as second ago. “And I promise not to be mad when you copy powers. Might as well make most of it. Help you deal with ice.” Teamwork and all that shit. Not that Matthias was much of a fan of working as a team but it did work out for the best during their last mission. They all came together when it counted. “I show you how works.”

[mindcrowned]

Two hearts, one valve Pumpin' the blood, we were the flood We were the body and Two lives, one life Stickin' it out, lettin' you down Makin' it right

Seasons, they will change Life will make you grow Dreams will make you cry, cry, cry Everything is temporary Everything will slide Love will never die, die, die

I know that Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Birds fly in every direction Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh I hope to see you again

Sunsets, sunrises Livin' the dream, watchin' the leaves Changin' the seasons Some nights I think of you Relivin' the past, wishin' it'd last Wishin' and dreamin'

Seasons, they will change Life will make you grow Death can make you hard, hard, hard Everything is temporary Everything will slide Love will never die, die, die

I know that Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Birds fly in every direction Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh I hope to see you again Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Birds fly in every direction Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh So fly high, so fly high.

[mindcrowned]

"hah, no shit. really?" ryan huffed, shaking his head a little at himself, aware it was meant to be funny, but he wasn't in the mood for jokes - not when the stakes were high. who was strong enough in here to flip the car? this ..fire kid. charlie? would he lend him his powers for a bit so ryan could take the car apart.... for anger management? maybe? probably not. he shouldn't, either.

well, it was reasonable ....reasoning. ryan got where morgan came from & he'd lie if he claimed it wasn't nice to know he could turn to him if he needed it. "you're not afraid i steal your spotlight and all that? cause i won't. don't care much for spotlights." if he could figure out the ghost beam & up his accuracy, that'd come in handy for sure. "for what it's worth, i don't want you to die either." ryan glanced up at him through the impressive hole in the roof.

he wasn't ready to give up on the car yet - not before he did a full sweep, so around he went, "doubt they're gonna let me look at the feed." he also didn't want anybody to know he was carrying his weakness with him on missions. "yes! thank god." how the hell did it get under the driver's seat? he flipped it open to make sure everything was there - namely... pictures of .. his family. memories he was terrified of losing. halting for a moment, he raised the wallet up & against his forehead, eyes fluttering closed. "sorry." he whispered, relief washing over him.

which was when he remembered the other super in the room with him. what did he say again?

The car bounced around and made whining sounds as Ryan's search went deeper and more aggressive. Morgan felt the shifts and finally peeked inside from a gaped opening above. Presumably made by the laser vision supe.

"Shit. What are you looking for? The package has already been delivered." Morgan smirked, aware that this must be about something else.

There was some disappointment upon realizing he wouldn't learn what made Ryan tick. That would require more time and observation, considering how quiet the man remained. "Listen, I don't wanna die... again. I don't want you or anyone else to die either. I want to kick ass at all these missions. So I'll lend you whatever you need.

Just choose wisely, yeah?" Morgan figured the agreement was simple enough. He sat up straight on the car once Ryan came back out. The guy seemed the tiniest bit distraught before diving in again. "Not--" There was a big budge, so Morgan yielded his spot and floated off of the car. Landing on the ground with a light tap sound. He collected his coffee mug, not wanting to leave a mess. "not from what I saw. Maybe there are cameras you could check?"

[mindcrowned]

@theghostlyhero; ahem tease tease XD

so, ryan was telling himself that he hadn't actually been in danger through the so-called team building exercise, given that - obviously it'd been a simulation & definitely not some bored doctor's experiment. surely. but still, ryan knew when gratitude was due, especially since they'd had a bit of a rocky start. well, it hadn't been the start - it'd been this middle part that had been rocky, right? but nonetheless, he was grateful for the save, because knowing that there was at least one person in the group who'd have his back... was very comforting a thought.

& so, because ryan would always deep down be a dad, he'd got up early, snuck out of his room past his light-sleeper of a roommate & into the kitchen before everybody woke to not only cook them greasy & yet utterly perfect breakfast, he'd also got a cake in the oven for later. he might not be good with words, but he .... had other ways to express himself on occasion. this one definitely called for it.

without trying to, ryan had spent the past few weeks observing the others & got a pretty accurate schedule going for everybody, with habits & preference marked. he couldn't help it, he was an observer. anyway, he knew morgan would be coming for a coffee any time soon, only that this time he'd find the table filled with food, coffee & ryan reading - as per usual. like clockwork. there he was. "hey! morning. hungry?" patting the plate next to his, ryan shot him a little smile.

[mindcrowned]

ryan held his breath when the other leaned in, waiting for ..something to happen. he wasn't sure why he let him, but so far - it was all about tease, right? it was harmless & he wouldn't touch him .. against his will. no, he wouldn't dare. mikhail would be the one to regret it, surely, so at the end of the day it didn't matter & yet ... he'd rather not. his skin, his rules & no cocky little russian should mess with him that way. he wouldn't let him. while he leaned in, though - ryan couldn't avoid taking in his scent, too. sweat .. had a very distinct scent & ryan would like to raise a formal complaint that he was to be subjected to it. mikhail, the cheater, good to know.

"and yet... you've been looking quite hard for a long, long time. like a man who knew his literature." at least up to some point. he didn't expect him to be on his level in the slightest, "you like this one, says a lot. but by all means, keep lookin'."

the other retreated, as he could - ryan… didn't stop him, but he turned with him…… to watch, as he headed for the door. "i'd like it back when you're done." he spoke up after a moment, debating for another, "living room's big enough for two, gonna head over to the kitchen soon anyway."

[mindcrowned]

ryan held his breath when the other leaned in, waiting for ..something to happen. he wasn't sure why he let him, but so far - it was all about tease, right? it was harmless & he wouldn't touch him .. against his will. no, he wouldn't dare. mikhail would be the one to regret it, surely, so at the end of the day it didn't matter & yet ... he'd rather not. his skin, his rules & no cocky little russian should mess with him that way. he wouldn't let him. while he leaned in, though - ryan couldn't avoid taking in his scent, too. sweat .. had a very distinct scent & ryan would like to raise a formal complaint that he was to be subjected to it. mikhail, the cheater, good to know.

"and yet... you've been looking quite hard for a long, long time. like a man who knew his literature." at least up to some point. he didn't expect him to be on his level in the slightest, "you like this one, says a lot. but by all means, keep lookin'."

the other retreated, as he could - ryan… didn't stop him, but he turned with him…… to watch, as he headed for the door. "i'd like it back when you're done." he spoke up after a moment, debating for another, "living room's big enough for two, gonna head over to the kitchen soon anyway."

I know what I can or can't handle. Those words rang... Deeper than he thought the other meant them to. Still... Mikhail didn't move away. His eyes searching for... Something. Anything. But whichever the other male have been showing him so far... That was probably it? No... It couldn't be. He hoped it wasn't all that there was to be seen from the other's fire. But then again, he wouldn't blame him from retreating if he realized that Mikhail was considering him entertainment.

It's been a while...

He leaned in, taking in a deep breath as if he was about so say something else. Whisper it into the male's ear even. And he almost backed down but... One of those jabs couldn't go unanswered. "You don't know my stand on worthwhile, Malen'kiy." And a deep sigh. He knew when he was being dismissed. And push for anything now would only... Aggravate things. So... Instead... He picked the book and tapped it gently against the male's chest as a thank you. Nothing else to be said just... Turn around and go enjoy his bath. Although... He honestly doubted that the book would be the only holder of his focus for the night.

"Guess I should leave you alone with your distractions. It's been a pleasure." He said simply, and turned around, ready to leave.

[mindcrowned]

mikhail seemed to enjoy this little ...social interaction, which was his own problem, really. ryan wasn't here for his entertainment, nor did he feel overly inclined to provide more than he was comfortable with. not that he was feeling very comfortable right now. "mhm, sure." ryan wasn't that pale. but yeah, tease the apparent bookworm about his pale skin. how unique. & then that accent. it really was him, not some fever dream. "believe it or not, i'm an adult an' i know what i can or can't handle, thanks." he didn't like being this close to him, he didn't like the actor's scent so present in his nose, he didn't like ... feeling the other's warmth in his personal space. he craved warmth more than he was able to admit. the past few months had been some of the hardest of his life.

glad for his gloves, ryan pulled his hand back against his chest together with the book when released. soft growl rumbling within him, but it didn't ... travel very far. & suddenly he was quiet. did ryan find his switch? interesting. "i'm sure you're struggling left an' right." ryan was still glancing up at him, in a way - unsure why he hadn't pulled away just yet. "you won't find anything worthwhile in there." he set the book down on a table nearby & shrugged. "you're a big boy, your choice. i got plenty more to keep me busy." no, he wouldn't elaborate on the how, but he liked showing he was much better prepared to be here for sure. "unless you'd rather spend your days working out an' communicating with the local fauna." with many of them living in their phone screens, ryan doubted he truly wanted to pick that option.

His ow facade almost crumbled as he had to hold back a cackle of glee. He had to go and find out this one's name now. It wouldn't do to ask him at this point. He didn't seen the every bit of the smart ass that he sounded like and that alone was delightful for the actor. Clumsy? He had been at some point. And that was a delightful come back. His words were not calculated. He could see that. And if the male knew who Mikhail was, he didn't let it show with his wits. It's been a while since he felt this refreshed interacting with anyone.

To say Mikhail knew his way around literature would be... a delicate statement. He had read all the big names back when he was younger. But as he grew up... His brain wanted a little bit of a break so he started going for easier books. He wasn't a book snob. But sometimes a book and wine were good ways to spend the day. So yeah... He was disgusted by some tittles in there, having read them in his childhood but repressing the memories. However Be in the male's presence was proving to be as relaxing as it was amusing. And Mikhail made no attempt to conceal his amusement for the whole interaction.

Oh, I want to get so much more than just my hands on the merchandise, Malen'kiy... He thought to himself as his smirk grew wider and wider. "Wouldn't want you getting your soft skin all burn up and red..." Accent seeping in slowly. But since you asked oh so nicely... Sure he wouldn't mind pinning Malen'kiy down to the nearest surface but he figured that it wouldn't be that wise considering he didn't know what sorts of power he had and it could backfire badly for him so, deliberately, he released the book and the male's hands. "You'd be surprised..." He retorted now with a shrug of his own.

[mindcrowned]

brows furrowed behind dark glasses, "so, telling the truth is now called defensive?" brows raised, he eyed him closely & shook his head a little. "sturdier surfaces? so you're clumsy? that's okay." shooting him a sideways grin, feeling quite pleased with himself, ryan returned to his book. he'd made his point & hoped it was enough to shoot down any future tries at ..everything, anything. whatever.

if the other really knew his way around literature, then he'd find the collection present .... decent, at best, which was why ryan had brought his own. he knew not to trust strangers with providing a proper selection of books. he had a suitcase solemnly dedicated to books under his bed & he didn't intend to share - not more than this one book, anyway. he wasn't even sure why he chose this ...guy to be an exception. why him? worst goddamn idea, he shouldn't be putting himself in his vicinity... he wasn't even sure why he was playing with fire like this. maybe because the thrill was ...exhilarating.

he'd been ready to drop the book for him, or hand it over - whichever way mikhail wanted to take him it. but the actor seemed to have something else in mind. in a split second, he found himself facing the other, with practically only the bare minimum distance between them. he ..was tall & broad. fucking russians. ryan was late to pull away, too ...mesmerized by scotch hues that beat down on him mercilessly, to notice the hand coming for his.

the shorter man jolted & pulled regardless, in almost frantic fashion until acceptance sank in that he wasn't going to be released ... that easily. don't touch. "hands off the merchandise." little breath, jaw squared & ready to strike back if needed. "...pretty good 'till you stepped in front of the sun." the russian was an unfair move, but he wasn't going to tell him that. "never heard that sentence before, have you?" he was sure, a pretty actor like him surely didn't struggle with hookups. well, sucked to be him now.

Do not call unwanted attention to yourself. One of the voices pipped in but the others quickly subdued it. Mikhail mentally cursed himself at not paying better attention when he got the names of his housemates otherwise he'd have something better to refer to him by instead of simply 'cute nerd'. "Hey, no need to get defensive. My house also could do just fine. Probably sturdier surfaces." If the guy knew who he was he also knew about his reputation and his talk show persona. The one that gave easy and shallow answers to interviews and kept a bright smile all the way through a innuendo joke without blushing or stuttering. This is not unwanted attention apparently... He retorted mentally to himself.

Oh little nerd... You have no idea what you're getting yourself into...

And yet... He kept his attention on the books, glowering at some spines. Who the hell decided that they couldn't have Marie Lu in that house would have to respond to him. He'd definitely have to ship his own books in. He couldn't just work out and train all day. And he had no projects in the incoming future so.. No lines to practice. He'd have to find something else to entertain himself. And pick the nerd as a target sounded... To be expected. And he'd rather avoid playing into his stereotypes. At least in the institute.

But apparently... The nerd wouldn't make his job any easier.

He felt the thud of a hard cover book against his back and turned around, trying, he really did try, not to impose too much with his height against the other. but when his hand closed around the book spine, he deliberately made sure to also capture two leather clad fingers within his grasp. "I'm out of my league you say... How's the view from your high horse, Malen'kiy?" He asked now setting foot within the other's personal space, head actually tilting down to look at the other. Multi layered jab...

Check. Your move.

[mindcrowned]

ryan could tell him it was one of the books he brought in, but he chose not to. there was already too much of a connection between them & he could live with one less book in his collection - or pick up another copy eventually just to get the other out of his face & fast before he forgot himself & would forever regret it. eyes back on the book, he tried to resume reading, content to let the other search a book he felt like reading, although that comment didn't quite let him go. especially when their eyes met again & the other ...returned .. the remark? hm. maybe he wasn't as simple as ryan thought he was. the pretty ones usually were. not that he judged. the world needed all kinds of people. those like him & ...well, him. "you'd never set even just a single foot into my house. trust me, you're out of your league. " which could be interpreted a many different ways, but if the other was as smart as he surely thought he was, he'd get it & know there was no chance, so he didn't even have to try.

save yourself the trouble, go find someone easy, little jock.

& yet... he went to offer his book. he ..didn't know why. the collection was decent, surely he'd find something else to keep him busy. ryan had filled the shelves when he came in & more were coming in daily, so there shouldn't be a lack. at all. he didn't even notice how tall the other was when he'd still sat, which made him feel like in school all over again. he'd .... not had a good time with his height. or lack thereof. he could feel the russian's eyes on him & he wondered what it was he thought, because for all he knew ..it was nothing. why was he staring then? why did his eyes roam? there was literally nothing there for him to find. a peek of tongue shouldn't worry him & yet it did. who knew what a pr-trained actor could pull out of his ass to get him kicked or something. pffht.

eyes formed little slits when the obvious innuendo was shot his way & he let out a little huff of really? shaking his head a little, he chose to ignore it. he'd already shared his opinion on their future & he'd stand by it. besides, ryan wasn't one to go for sloppy seconds. he wasn't desperate. also, touching him? last fucking thing he could imagine doing right now. admittedly, he'd never expected to be so vehemently against him, because he .... shouldn't... hadn't... he wasn't.. before, but seeing him waltz around in his proximity just .. his defenses went all the way up. mikhail couldn't know the truth. never. "did. it's good. like i said. you want it, you can have it." another shrug, because ryan could go for another. he re-read books sometimes & usually he'd never stop a book in the middle, even during a reread, but ... he was willing to make an exception. for his peace.

the russian turned away & the former teacher couldn't help roll his eyes when he returned to looking for a book. fucking stubborn little kid. so, because he was oh so much of an adult, ryan smacked the book against the other's broad…. broad back. "jus' take it, geez. i can see your miserable face from a damn mile away."

"Lucky indeed... I don't see that pair of wings often in book stores... But then again, I dont always get the chance to just linger around and look for books at my own leisure so..." He mused distractedly, eyes narrowing as he tried to read the spine of books for anything interesting. Sometimes he struggled with a new book, a new character, a new series, so he tended to reread things he enjoyed and was fond of. Maybe he could talk to someone about getting his personal collection shipped to him... You look the type. Wait what?

Head whipped to the side and scotch eyes locked onto cubic frame. Was he meant to be cute or was that meant to be a jab? He wondered... And figured that could always get a little more fun out of the seemingly quiet ones. "Oh, my... For me to be walking around in your house shirtless... We've very likely to have been in a deeper state of undressing. For equally straining physical activities." His eyes roamed around the male, sadly there wasn't much to look at with him folded onto himself so Mikhail made it quite obvious by looks and smirks alone what he meant, wondering what kind of response would draw out of the other.

He had turned around again, resuming his hunt for a book but he had managed to see from the corner of his eyes as the other unfurled from his cube form and got up. Adorable. Mikhail wondered if that one was just the every bit of the cute nerd that he appeared to be. And so he waited as he approached him and offered that book. Mikhail just wondered if he didn't look as predatory as he once again studied the male and wet his lips before a smirk grazed them. "I could go for something else..." He retorted and clearly he didn't mean the books... "You finish it. And then tell me if you liked." He winked and seemed to find somethi... Nope. Disgusting. Next. The hunt continued. Whichever prey he scored... Remained to be seen.

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@shadowembraced

it'd been a few days now since ryan's roommate disappeared. not that he'd ever really been around much, or maybe he had been & ryan avoiding his room like it was a hot spot for the zombie virus had been the reason they didn't really talk previously, but whatever the reason, ryan ... liked this. a lot, actually. his own room, just like he deserved. he didn't have to be dressed from head to toe all the time in it now & could enjoy shorts & shirts, hell - he even read without his gloves on.

no better feeling than to flip pages with your bare hands. maybe the institute wasn't so bad. it was early evening, he was sat on his bed with a book in his lap, his glasses on his nose & dressed in.. well, unusual attire - if you were to watch him on the regular. dark pink, wide shorts & a black shirt, his gloves on the nightstand, his hair ... almost disheveled. & then the door opened & he didn't bother looking up, because it hadn't been the first time this week someone stomped into the wrong room.

"wrong room." he called out, but didn't look up, not until the other spoke up. oh great, he invaded his room now? "what do you want?"

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