mint-starlight

[mint-starlight]

drawn more to a certain artistic depiction of the world (sterile, perfect) than to reality. a wound in the flesh should be accompanied by concern of infection (bacteria and rot, decaying, dying-- worst of all in filth). a shallow scrape, which is more painful to the eye than nerves can convey. gravel embedded in jagged red ooze. but a wound is a metaphor: a kind of ecstasy. beauty in pain, meaning in suffering, and other teenage revelations. unpainted marble, frozen in an instance of sublime elevation, above the squelching, wretched mortal fears from which the flesh cannot escape. it is as if living gets in the way of life.

[mint-starlight]

an unwritten letter:

i continue to try and try and try to forgive you these wounds. your indignant rage is a hurricane, your claws out (you know their sharpness), a crush of destruction in the wake of an inevitable sweeping torrent. i am sensitive, like you. i suffer in the way that i know you do: i long for the golden light to absolve me from my mundanity. i see it in the brilliant dawn, and instead of warmth i am suffused with choking envy.

we are the small and the great. so, i am bitter, like you. but i am trying not to be--

unlike you.

[mint-starlight]

the way that the words on the page are angled is so that they slide straight past reasoning and into your core. a shot so perfectly smooth, melding unbroken with the continuous stream of tangential fancies, the unvoiced fleeting undercurrent. the resonant frequency between the crafted choice of the image and the particular thing which hurts you the most, that devastating unnamed longing within you

[mint-starlight]

their statements are only opinion. incomplete knowledge and assumptions of probabilities. opinion shouldn't matter to me, but it does.

and i don't know how i feel. when is it acceptable not to know?

blankness.

i didn't know any better. how can i expect to be protected from danger that i don't recognize myself?

[mint-starlight]

everything not saved--

and you are the only one i don't resent for being more capable, more intelligent than me. as we are, i understand you better than anyone. i could make the argument and convince you to stay, but you never truly left my side, did you? didn't you?

--will be lost.

[mint-starlight]

i put on my rose-tinted glasses and rainbow wig

[mint-starlight]

you obey the bones of desire:

not the flesh, not the skin,

but the electric ache

deep in the nerves.