miraenfr-blog

[miraenfr-blog]

WHAT I NEED FROM YOU

Read this with Antoni.

There’s always a missing piece in our relationship. I assume it’s on the bridge between you and me.

- I dont want you to blame me in front of people, especially because of your own mistake.. I want you to appreciate me. I want you to defend me, as I am your partner, not your enemy. As you know that I will do the same for you. Ex: Pak Carlos blamed me for you who was not able to go to Japan; you told Antoine or your sayembara babies that I am mad and jealousy and bla bla bla. It feels like you mock my face in front of them. You didn’t tell them you lied and I was mad because of it, you told them I was jealous; it feels like you put shit on my face.

- I want you to listen. I always listen to you.. Ain’t it good to have your story heard? I want it too.. I want you to listen to me and respond my stories just like normal people..... Normally, you just left.. Or not saying anything. Or suddenly popped up with your story. Or even worse, you wear your headphone while you were with me. Ex: a lot of time, just a lot

- Don’t make me be your back-up friend please? You called me only when you have free time. Why don’t you free your time for me? Ex: “mau ngerjain sayembara setiap sabtu dan minggu” hey you planned to do your competition with italian babies every saturday and sunday, my only holiday at uni, and I know what you’re thinking: I will come to your house on the days you want me! Oh shitty poor myself; Another story, I came to you far away to Mc.D near your place, in the end, after 15 minutes you wanted to leave to meet your Manon friend at Gare de Lyon.. You told me we were going to go shopping groceries together! Oh, yeah of course, you left me. I came to you and you left me. How respectful.

- I need your affection and your caring. How come you did not know that I did not come to class for 2 weeks and more? How come after these months you did not even know that I have no class every saturday? What about the question ‘how was your day?’

- I hate when you leave unfinished conversation. Oh I won’t count how many hundreds time you LEFT in the middle of conversation just because you said the wrong things or simply you know you were wrong. Hello are you even a teenager? Can we be a bit mature and finish what we’ve started?

- When you’re being denial and so uneducated. I judge people, if you remember I knocked your heart with my judgement that the person that asked your family 300jt is a liar, he did and it saved you 200jt. Also my judgmental with William. Now I just did the same with your italian baby Valenshita, you told me: DONT BE SO SURE YOU DONT KNOW HER IN PERSON! WHAT STUPID ARE YOU JUDGING PEOPLE LIKE THAT. Hell yeah, only take the things that please you won’t you?

It hurts, babe. When the person you love only shows his lust to you, and after these years I realize, there’s no love. You might love yourself so much that you can’t put a little space to love me. Why do we even together when the relationship is not two sided?

These times... With these things... I was being respectful to you, but you didn’t do that to me. I asked you politely and even harshly, none of them make you understand.

There are a lot of things to learn for you but you did not do it. I’ve spared my time and energy expecting you to be more respectful but you don’t change. If you don’t want to, you can’t. And you left me being thirst of attention of people. Because someone who’s supposed to know my life only cares about his life.

So here I am. Hanging out with other man, just like what you did. Staying at his place with friends for a night, just like what you did. Do those things without informing you, just like what you did. One thing that I didn’t do is lying, not like what you've done to me..

In the end, you are a toxic to my loyalty in a relationship. Not gonna blame you tho; but you do surely remember that I already asked you, for thousands times, to end this relationship but you insisting to continue it.

Whose mistake is this?

[miraenfr-blog]

New people

Now I just met a few Indonesian fellas. Who complimented me saying all the good thing about me, and I met this one person who seemed like he wanted to get closer with me. But... stop here.

I scrolled down instagram, and on June 2019, there’s this post of a girl captioned like i love you. 

Then I remembered one moment, when he showed me his phone... A notification popped up.... Aku gak ngelarang kamu main sama siapa-siapa, aku cuma - (message cut)

Both in different name. 

Well I gotta confirm this first before throwing my opinion, but fuck it, men are shitty, aren’t they?

They can’t be loyal if they’re not together with their partner. I mean, why can’t they?

[miraenfr-blog]

YATSIMWD

I need your presence; but just gotta mention it: you’re important only in winter. 

[miraenfr-blog]

You are the sun in my winter days

Explained in the next post!

[miraenfr-blog]

Boyfriend

So I arrived here with him. No, I never followed him. I’m sick of people’s judgment that I’m here because of him. The truth is in reverse. I helped him getting his LoA and visa, and voilà, he’s here. And people be like:

Mira followed him

Oh, if the longer sentence is needed, here’s one example of people’s comment:

Oh, Mira, I know you came here because of him, but do not depend your life on him..

How they can be so sure....? Tell me. No one knows how to appreciate. Even him who’s at this point should defend me: NO, SHE DIDN’T;

But instead of saying that kind of thing, he’s silenced like he agrees.. Everyone loves receiving compliments. But I don’t need yours, I am a realist and tell me something realistic: that I got what I achieved, and if you want to say that I’m a failure because I failed on something, I’m open for it. Just don’t swap the truth.

[miraenfr-blog]

Main Reason

I can’t keep it up myself, I really want to speak up.

I am also afraid, Ma, of not being successful, of being too old to apply anywhere.

But I would like to tell you something..

I know I will succeed, by being or not being a government employee. I know I will be. So I fought hard, and I arrived here, Ma, in France. It’s hard, it took me three years.. Oh, no one will see it hard because I don’t tell anyone.

Closest people’s presence in my life is quite important. So I need you to believe me... To let me be here for.. 3 years at least? I’ve got something to chase and I believe I can. 

I’m here.. Looking for something I don’t know yet. Looking for myself....

[miraenfr-blog]

Opening Act

Hi everybody,

This Tumblr will be written in English, or sometimes French, or sometimes Indonesian. A brief introduction of myself: I was born in 1995, Indonesian blood currently studying in France (it’s only been 3 months since I arrived), I love math and technology, yet I am graduated from an accounting degree -which quite different from my passion (and no, it’s not fine).

Whatever.

My name is Mira. I won’t ask people to watch their mouth on me but just gotta let you know: I’m quite sensitive. Your little innocent words might destroy me. I grew up with traumas from people who wanted to take everything I had that time. My friend, my business.. And no, it’s not fine.

See, I tried hard. Because in every paragraph, I was about to say... But it’s fine. But since I don’t need to please anyone here in this Tumblr, I just gotta say the truth. It’s not. I had to deal with those things so hard.

-But now I’m here. Enjoy my tumblr. I hope it gives you the insights you never knew you needed.

Ciao, Mira