mireyamontoya-blog1 - Tumblr blog

[mireyamontoya-blog1]

The End Of The F***ing World (2017—)

[mireyamontoya-blog1]

Joji - Attention 

[mireyamontoya-blog1]

winnie-reid‌:

Winnie had been in her own little world up until someone had spoken to her. Winnie was good at keeping her head down–in fact, she preferred it. So to have someone spark a conversation… was different. “Oh, you’re fine, it’s okay,” she assures the girl, tilting her head. “That is cute, though. If you don’t get it, I might have to.” 

There was a smirk on Mira’s face. While she wasn’t always looking for a fight, there were just some things that a girl had to get her claws out for, like another girl looking at her boyfriend, or eying the cute top she currently had on. “I’m definitely buying it, so keep your eyes straight, stranger.” It was playful, but till she could assess the situation, Mira was going to be tense. 

[mireyamontoya-blog1]

sibelerdcgan‌:

If she was honest, Sibel earned for a love like that, something that burned. The women lived in a world of crime, and prison, even for herself, was never too far. It was the risk of the life they took, something that she reminded herself often when it came to Gabe. But Sibel knew she wouldn’t leave him behind. And the way Mira talked about this man, it hadn’t been easy for her to do that. “He didn’t leave you. I don’t know what he did to go there, but it’s a risk for most of us.” Their clients, the other businesses that happened within the club, all of that could earn them a ride to the station. Witnesses and accomplices, none of them were guilt free. “If seeking you is the first thing he did when he got out, things aren’t over for him. And they’re not over for you either.” A hand dismissed what Mira said last. Sibel’s thoughts were her own only, not something she was willing to share easily. “Nothing interesting going up here, not as much as what you’re telling me.”

Mira shook her head. “I know he didn’t leave me. He would never leave me. For fuck’s sake, he wanted to run, and he took me with him. It means something, even if it’s just...a fucked up fairytale.” The charm of dating a bad boy wore off sooner than Mira expected. She was constantly tired, fearful that she was going to lose Mateo somehow. And when the worst case scenario came knocking at her door, she didn’t know how to process it. Ignoring Mateo had been easy, excising him out of her life like he had been an inconvenience. But now that he was here, so close and just there, it was tempting to just stop listening to the caution tape in her head. Head first, eyes closed, you can’t lose. “Maybe...maybe you’re right. He did show up at the club. And I loved the way he looked at me, in my costume. Seeing the other men admire my butt is one thing, but the way Teo looks at me is just...” A shiver ran down her spine, a dreamy smile on Mira’s face as her shoulders hunched. “You really think we could...make it work?” 

[mireyamontoya-blog1]

maxxxedelphine‌:

“Did I ask you?” Max asks an employee in a monotone and annoyed voice. Shooting daggers in their direction, in only seconds they scurried off, back to what they were doing before interrupting the conversation. “Anyway,” he goes on, rolling his eyes. “What were you saying?” 

“Oh you know...mostly this and that. I was just adding onto your enlightening discussion about...stuff.” Actually, Mireya had just pushed the other person away, hoping that the man wasn’t paying attention to the previous conversational partner. “I must have forgotten to introduce myself. I’m Mira.” 

[mireyamontoya-blog1]

olivia--sullivan‌:

Open Starter

“Excuse me, have you seen an angry brunette charge through here? About my height, answers to Charlie?” This was not the first time she had lost her in a club, and would undoubtedly not be the last. She always made an attempt to find her at the beginning and if she did not resurface in a few hours, but for now, she was not too worried. It was not like Charlie could not handle herself, anyway. Resolving herself to at least start the process of getting drunk, she made her way to the bar and flashed a smile at the bartender and person next to her. “Alright, what are we drinking tonight?”

“I dunno...I was just hoping some rich guy would come and buy me a drink. You know, get to know me and then call me a prude for rejecting his advances. You know, just Friday night stuff.” Mira hadn’t been in the best of moods since the last call she had made on her phone. Coming to terms with finding her brother again was tough; she thought it would be so much easier to hate him because he was her criminal. But he wasn’t and it sucked. “Anyway, I think I’ll settle for an Appletini and work my way up from there. Unless you wanna do shots?” 

[mireyamontoya-blog1]

call ✉ rafael

Rafael: ...

[ He can't blame her. She shouldn't trust him. ]

Rafael: Sleep tight, Mira.

[ Call ended. ]

[mireyamontoya-blog1]

call ✉ rafael

Rafael: Will you ever shut up about that?

[ He can't help the roll of his eyes - but there's no sign of annoyance in it, not a malicious one anyway. Just a brother annoyed by his sister. ]

Rafael: What? You think I'm gonna kill the person that kept my sister alive all these years? [scoffs]

Rafael: Whatever you say.

Rafael: Stealing is bad, you're right.

[ Which is why he kills those that steal from his boss. Then again, he did steal that wallet. ]

Rafael: Look, I ---

[ He's hesitant. No matter how pleasant the conversation is, he needs to bring himself back to reality. ]

Rafael: I need to go.

Mireya: Nope. I don't plan on shutting up about it, like ever. This is the most fun I've had in weeks.

[She's starting to drift anyway, closing her eyes and just listening to his voice. It's...comforting.]

Mireya: Like I just said, I don't trust you. And you brought up the k-word. Now I'm seriously worried.

[She's not.]

Mireya: mmmhmmm....

[She's still here, just...falling asleep.]

Mireya: Sure thing...I'll call you back. Night hermano...

[She's out like a light before the call ends]

[mireyamontoya-blog1]

text ✉ rafael

Rafael: Nah. You're just taking all the chances you can get, chiquita.

[ He can feel himself wanting to smile. It feels nice having her back but he knows he can't get hopeful. ]

Rafael: ...

[ Damn it. He needs to find that woman. He needs to find her and get Mira the hell away from Vegas. ]

Rafael: You act as though I'd go looking for her. Like I said, I don't care.

[ Rafe furrows his eyebrows at Mira's last words - as if she was reassuring him. She didn't owe him anything. ]

Rafael: ...Alright.

Rafael: As long as you like it. Just don't steal anyone's wallet.

[Mira couldn't help the blush creeping into her cheeks. That was an old nickname; she was six and tiny, hiding behind the tiniest bushes whenever they played hide and seek. It's a sweet memory to remember, and she's still smiling]

Mireya: tAkInG aLl ThE cHaNcEs

Mireya: Ugh, you're making this so easy

[His silence is troubling. She's not going to let him anywhere near her mother.]

Mireya: I don't trust you. Simple as that.

Mireya: And I wasn't going to steal that wallet! I was going to throw it in a dumpster. Or something, I don't know.

Mireya: I work an honest job, and stealing is bad!

[mireyamontoya-blog1]

text ✉ rafael

Rafael: [scoffs] Whatever, Mira. I don't care.

[ He does but he can't allow himself to realize that. It's nice to hear her laugh, though. Even if he can't mirror it.]

Rafael: I guess some things never change.

[ He sighs at what she's told him. She's right to blame him for everything, after all. ]

Rafael: Where does she live?

Rafael: Been living in the states ever since my parents died. Lived with family. Joined the army, got discharged and now, like I told you, I work security at the casino.

[ It's more than he usually shares but he figures he owes her that much. ]

Mireya: I dOn'T cArE. [another bout of laughter]

Mireya: I'm sorry, but it's just....right there. You're giving me all the chances, hermano.

[Her tone is suddenly serious; talking about her mom brings out this steely side of Mira. She's protective of the woman, the only mother figure she's ever had.]

Mireya: ...oh I'm not telling you anything more than what I've told you. Keep her out of this.

[Mira listens to him, nodding along. Of course Santiago would give his son a chance at a life. Of-fucking-course]

Mireya: Cool. I...work at the strip club. It's a cool gig, really.

[mireyamontoya-blog1]

sibelerdcgan‌:

It was easy to see that Mira wasn’t sober and Sibel wondered just how drunk the younger dancer was. There was something in Sibel that felt protective of Mira, maybe seeing something of herself in the girl. Was lost the right word? Looking for something they would never find, trying to fill a void that would never be filled. All she could do was listen as Mira unleashed her emotions, talking as if the words had been asking to flow out for too long. Love wasn’t a subject she was comfortable with, or allowed herself to have much experience with. Unrequired love, she knew that, even if she told herself she didn’t. “There’s nothing worse than a bad habit. How bad are we talking here? And why is he back in town?”

Mira shook her head. “Let’s say that loving him is like lighting a candle. You let him too close to your curtains, and there’s a house fire.” She looked down at her hands; traces of calluses past on skin that used to be soft, once upon a time. “He’s...He went to prison for a bit. He’s a dumbass, and when he went away, I...I couldn’t deal with him not being there. Like, he was another guy disappointing me like all the other guys. But he doesn’t take no for an answer.” She looked up, and at Sibel. “It was the same things I love about him that I can’t stand now. He’s persistent, and he’s stubborn and he’s just...He’s everything I want. And everything I can’t have.” A pause, and then Mira reached for her empty glass. “That was so fucking dramatic, oh em gee. Just...ignore me, darlin’. I was going to ask about your thoughts.” 

[mireyamontoya-blog1]

text ✉ rafael

Rafael: I didn't say you should have stayed behind to die, did I?

Rafael: And it's not my fault Santiago kept you a secret. Or are you going to blame me for that too?

Rafael: Yeah, lets just fucking drop this. It's going nowhere.

[ He knows there's no point in trying to convince her he didn't abandon her. Her mind had probably been made up about him years ago. ]

Rafael: [scoffs] I wasn't gonna.

Mireya: Let's drop it. I'm still going to blame you for every single one of my miseries, just need to get them in order.

[Mira yawns again, sitting up to look at the clock in the corner of her room. It really has been a long night]

Mireya: i WaSn'T gOnNa

Mireya: [giggles, but then starts to laugh]

Mireya: I'm sorry but...you sound so ridiculous still. Always with that serious voice, even when it was just the two of us.

Mireya: [yawns]

Mireya: My mom and I don't talk anymore...I guess I just showed her I was a bad egg. Her kindness was wasted on a thankless excuse for a daughter.

Mireya: But she umm...she took care of me. Eight years of nursing and feeding, and coaxing words out of me.

Mireya: [sighs]

Mireya: How...how have you been, Rafe?

[mireyamontoya-blog1]

text ✉ rafael

Rafael: I never get sleep and I always talk like a cabrón. So you're outta luck.

[ He'd always imagined that if she'd survive, their first meeting would be nothing but a longing hug. Not this, not this hatred. He deserves it, in a way. ]

Rafael: I was fifteen when I lost everything, Mira. Don't fucking try and make me feel bad for doing what any other teenager would do.

Rafael: I don't doubt that. Have you been alone? All these years?

[ Despite everything she says, everything he was feeling he couldn't help the big brother worry. ]

Mireya: [chuckles] Spoken like a true cabron

Mireya: Don't think I've ever been lucky, just saying...

[Mira's chewing on her own fingernail. Andy's going to give her hell when they have to do her nails for tomorrow night.]

Mireya: I was ten. What was I supposed to do? Just stay there till I died?

Mireya: No one was ready to believe me when I said my name. They thought I was a crazy girl who was hiding in the house when the fire broke out. They didn't know who I was!

Mireya: I...I don't want to start this again. It's really late, and I'm...[yawns] tired.

Mireya: And to answer your question, no. I found a mother...and I broke her heart too.

[There's tears springing from the corner of her eyes, and she's pulling her knees to her chest, trying not to miss the woman too much]

Mireya: Don't ask about it.

[mireyamontoya-blog1]

text ✉ rafael

Rafael: ...

[ He sighs. His emotions are conflicted; on one hand, he had his baby sister back, on the other hand, he doesn't know what he's supposed to say. ]

Rafael: All I have to do is change my phone number and you'd never see me again. Us running into each other was...

[ He doesn't know what to say. A coincidence? Pure luck? Pure bad luck? ]

Rafael: You don't need me in your life. You shouldn't have me in your life.

[ A long sigh. He would rather know she's alive and hating him than dead and killed to deliver him a message. ]

Mireya: Get some sleep, hermano

Mireya: You're talking like a cabron

[There isn't anything else to say to him. A fleeting moment of comfort, but that's just old habits and a dependency she has had to learn to live without. Just as he came, he'd leave again.]

Mireya: Running away...what else is new? You're really good at that.

Mireya: You don't have to protect me anymore, Rafe. I've learned to fight my own demons, without you.

[mireyamontoya-blog1]

text ✉ rafael

Rafael: ...

[ He doesn't know what to say. For a few moments, he gets the phone away from him. He kicks the couch and almost lets himself scream it out but holds back. After a long breath, he puts the phone back to his ear. He can hear her crying and he hates himself for doing this to her. ]

Rafael: I tried to go back for you, Mira. I did. I don't know what else you need me to say. Do I need to show you the burns I got out of it?

[ He bites his lip at her question. He had been okay with Mira being dead, he had been okay with having no family left. But he isn't okay with it anymore, despite what he wants to do next. ]

Rafael: I don't know why now. I thought you were dead. But if I'm so much like Santiago, then you're better off.

[ She doesn't need him, Rafe knows that. And he cannot afford someone else to lose. ]

Mireya: ....

[Mira listens. She can hear muffled sounds in the background, like something being kicked. She shakes her head; why should that be a familiar sound?]

Mireya: ...I don't....

[There's nothing to say. She should be comforted by the thought of family. But right now? She was a ghost to Rafe. She was the dead one. Mira wanted her mom now.]

Mireya: ...I wish we never met. I wish you wouldn't have dropped that wallet. I wish I never picked it up. I wish I never asked.

Mireya: I...[sigh] It's been a long night.

[Reaching for the wine box, she shakes it. Empty. She really could use a drink right about now]

Mireya: You know there's no staying away now, right? I'm angry with you, but...I wasn't taught to give up on family.

[Lies.]

Mireya: You could try and keep me away. It would be funny.

[mireyamontoya-blog1]

text ✉ rafael

Rafael: Don't. Don't you dare say that.

[ His grip on his phone tightens. He can't let it get the best of him. ]

Rafael: I thought you were dead, Mira. I tried to go back but ----

[ He sighs. The burns in his forearm feel like they sting. ]

Rafael: You think losing my whole family in one night was my plan? No. No. Fuck you if you think that.

Mireya: Don't??? How about you don't tell me what to do, huh?

[She's not going to cry. She's not going to cry.]

Mireya: .....

[Dammit she's crying]

Mireya: I DIDN'T WANT TO LOSE MY BROTHER EITHER SO THIS WASN'T MY PLAN EITHER! DON'T YOU DARE BLAME ME FOR FEELING THIS WAY!

Mireya: YOU SAID YOU'D COME BACK! You said [a lot of crying] you'd come back for me...

Mireya: I am so used to losing people, it shouldn't have hurt. But it hurt because it WAS YOU, RAFE!

[Her neighbours must hate all this screaming. Mira falls back on her bed, deflated and tired. Her head hurts, and her throat feels scratchy. She can't do this anymore.]

[She didn't dream of a reunion, but this wasn't the way it was supposed to go, right?]

Mireya: ....why now?

[She sounds so small, and lost. She's exhausted]

[mireyamontoya-blog1]

Alexa Demie for Homme Boy Co., photographed by Cameron McCool (2014)