misbehavinguterus

[misbehavinguterus]

Screaming Into the Void

Confession:  I have cried nearly every day since the presidential debate last week.  Why? Because I feel so overcome with frustration and powerlessness when it comes to reproductive rights and procreative liberties. Politics is never a good choice for my mental health.  Perhaps I should choose not to read the news stories.  Perhaps I should silent certain accounts on social media.  Perhaps I…

[misbehavinguterus]

Surrogacy - Part 1: Happy Filter

My daughter turns three this month. I can hardly believe it – three years since I was in a delivery room watching a woman labor for the first time in my life and truly marveling at the miracle of childbirth.  I haven’t written much about my surrogacy experience yet, so I am taking this as an opportunity. There are so many aspects of the process that I can and will expound upon but let me start…

[misbehavinguterus]

My Fifth Miscarriage

“Right now I am day 6 post loss 5. I am drinking prosecco and eating popcorn and writing a blog that I will probably never post.I knew i lost it as soon as I looked in the toilet. I had bled the night before and it was bright red. Not the transparent bloody discharge and spotting that’s normal in early pregnancy, but red like a rose and the color of hell. I told myself it was ok, because I had…

[misbehavinguterus]

Moved to Tears

I am a serial re-watcher and re-reader.  When I find a story that moves me, I enjoy revisiting it.  I like knowing what will happen to the characters and I like being able to anticipate my emotional response.  Like choosing music that enhances a mood, or selecting familiar scents, narratives often help me access my inner emotions. Last night I watched the movie Boys on the Side.  I don’t think…

[misbehavinguterus]

I Flushed

I have a handful of news podcasts that I listen to on a regular basis and several of them have talked about the Kate Cox case in Texas regarding abortions for lethal fetal anomalies.  I’m glad that case got national news coverage.  It should.  The debate surrounding “late term abortions” is not about people who carry a pregnancy for two terms and then all the sudden decide they don’t want the…

[misbehavinguterus]

My own egg retrieval

It's been a beat, but hope you stick with me as I continue my story. Warmly, Megan

I recently to “The Retrievals,” a Serial podcast that tells the story of a situation at Yale’s fertility clinic where hundreds of women underwent egg retrievals with limited to no pain medication because a nurse was diverting fentanyl.  I have quite a bit to say in response to the podcast, but thought I’d better start by picking up the thread of my own story and talking about our egg…

[misbehavinguterus]

Am I A Criminal?

Am I A Criminal?

I had considered writing about abortion laws and their potential impact on infertility and miscarriage management long before last night’s news about the draft Supreme Court opinion overturning Roe v. Wade, but I’ve been afraid to open myself up to potential anger and criticisms. I don’t want to debate when life begins or the merits of pro-life vs. pro-choice, that’s not what this blog is about. …

[misbehavinguterus]

Still Here. Still Misbehaving.

Hey! After an extended break, I'm back with more to share about my Misbehaving Uterus.

I’m sorry I haven’t posted for a while.  I’m sorry because I have so much I still want to say (so much I still need to work through), but I haven’t made the time to write.  Or maybe I’ve avoided it. As many of you were aware, my husband and I had been going through the gestational surrogacy process. I am now pleased to report that we are the proud parents of an 8-month-old baby girl. I am…

[misbehavinguterus]

My Grandfather's Passing

My Grandfather’s Passing

My maternal grandfather, my Papa, died yesterday.  He was 100 years old, so it was not entirely surprising, but it is still a loss.  The loss of our family patriarch, the loss of one of my life-long role models, the end of an era for me and my cousins.  I find myself in a very philosophical place today, pondering life’s big questions and the very nature of grief.   But let me start with him. …

[misbehavinguterus]

Am I A Mother?

Am I A Mother?

There is a movement in pregnancy loss community about “redefining motherhood” and challenging the standard ideas about when someone becomes a mother.  Does motherhood start at birth?  What if your child is stillborn or passes shortly after birth?  Are those women still mothers?  Is motherhood defined by the act of raising your child, or birthing them, or conceiving them?  If it’s the later, how…

[misbehavinguterus]

#LetsTalkProFamily #IFAdvocate

Hey friends! I’m interrupting my personal ramblings to talk to you about some Pro Family Legislation. Yup, it’s that time again for RESOLVE’s Federal Advocacy Day. This Thursday, June 17th, more than 500 volunteers from across the country – all 50 states – will meet with Congress to discuss the following legislative issues: Access to Infertility Treatment and Care Act: Provides infertility…

[misbehavinguterus]

Courage vs. Confidence

Last week I had the opportunity to speak at a Fertility Rally group support meeting.  Fertility Rally is a wonderful support group/ membership community for anyone who struggles with infertility or chooses to build their family in a non-traditional way.  After sharing my story and talking about Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Association one of the attendees asked me how I knew it was time for me to…

[misbehavinguterus]

The Green-Eyed Monster

I feel the need to start this post by sharing my recent learning that “jealousy” and “envy” are not actually synonyms – they mean different things – and apparently, I’ve been misusing them for years!!  Envy is wanting something someone else has.  It involves only two people.  Jealousy is worry that someone is going to take something you have.  It involves three people.  This post is about…

[misbehavinguterus]

When All You Have is A Hammer, Everything Looks Like a Nail

When All You Have is A Hammer, Everything Looks Like a Nail

When my husband and I moved to Seattle we needed to establish care with a new fertility clinic.  We selected our doctor because she is an expert in treating recurrent miscarriage.  I was stunned when I entered the lobby of the our new clinic.  It’s located on the 10th floor of a medical tower which faces south east, so I walked into a perfect view of Mount Rainier in all her glory. I have found…

[misbehavinguterus]

A Meditation on Obedience

A Meditation on Obedience

When my mind is feeling busy or overwhelmed, I sometimes pull angel cards for guidance and meditation.  Angel cards are about the size of a quarter Post-It and each has a single word on it, like “gratitude,” or “openness,” or “abundance.”  Before selecting one, I mix all the cards up in a jar, sit quietly, and ask the universe for guidance.  Regardless of whether my selection is a result of…

[misbehavinguterus]

Parenthood - Experts Only

Parenthood – Experts Only

My husband works at Amazon and one of the things they talk about when making decisions is a concept of one-way versus two-way doors.  The metaphor being that you can’t walk back through a one-way door, so you need to be more certain about those types of decisions.  To me, becoming a parent feels like a one-way door. I want kids.  I want the experience of being a mother.  I want to build family…

[misbehavinguterus]

I Will Say Kristen

I Will Say Kristen

In high school I took a creative writing class and my teacher had us practice writing all different types of poems.  One type was a “name poem” where we had to describe a person poetically by saying what their name reminded us of.  I wrote about the women in my family.  Here is the stanza I wrote about my sister: I will say Kristen because she reminds me of flapping butterfly wings, and snowmelt…