misscindyy

[misscindyy]

Years ago as I struggled through my early 20’s, my mind was incapable of convincing my body to leave the warmth of my bed before 8am. I now savor the precious moments before dawn as the summer sun seeps a blushing orange through my window blinds, throwing color on my sleepy walls. It’s my favorite light of day. Oh, how we are capable of such change and transformation. (at Austin, Texas)

[misscindyy]

untitled

don’t stop

the words escaped

a heavy whisper

fighting gravity

pressed against

the precipice

of her parted lips

before cascading

down

down

down

yearning for

breathing towards

blissful in

release

[misscindyy]

It’s the eve of my birthday. Hey you. Who do you want to be? Occasionally, I unearth an unsettling feeling I can only describe as a deep understanding of all I have yet to discover about myself and the world. I’ve now experienced almost 27 years of what we call life. Time only seems to pass by faster as I age. I’ve only begun to realize the inner workings of my mind, and where I might need to wander to make the impact I want to in the timespan of my existence. For some of us, the roads we walk have demons beneath. After years of deep contemplation, I’m finally starting to understand the nature of the ones under my own two feet. As much as I already believe that I can live with and love myself, each year brings another level of self enlightenment, self acceptance and self love. While I may not always have certainty in what I plan to do, I can say I’ve gained the confidence to continue moving forward in pure pursuit of self development while staying true to myself and to who I want to be. I still have so much to learn, but I’m ready for what’s to come. For some time now, a single passage has reverberated down the corridors of what encapsulates my soul, and has remained at the forefront of my recent state of mind. Through challenging times, through doubt and hesitation, it serves to remind me that despite where I find myself and despite the mistakes I think I’ve made, the only direction to move is forward and up as a better person than who I used to be. That, my friends, is a choice you can make. “Each next level of your life will demand a different you.” Are you ready? It’s okay - we can find out together.

[misscindyy]

things i wish i can say at an initial encounter without scaring people away

“It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing. It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty even when it’s not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes!’ It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.” —Oriah Mountain Dreamer #LateNightThoughts

artwork by Nono Astro Irareza

[misscindyy]

An intimate relationship is not necessarily a physical relationship. Rather, it is a trusting, close friendship with another person in which one can be honest without fear of rejection.

Erik Erikson (via fyp-psychology)

[misscindyy]

Press play.

Close your eyes and journey inwards towards a plane beyond your ordinary realm of comprehension. Transcension. Realize the continuing metamorphosis of your mind, as every frame you've ever traveled through has brought you to where you have arrived. 

Enter the space where every point in time is both within and beyond your reach, as you understand the essence of your soul is no longer tied to your grasp on physicality. 

And when you open your eyes with newfound certainty in the self you embody, find those like you and create a shared reality in which you find beauty everyday.

When inspired, create. And when you're ready to leave this life, find comfort in all you have shared and left behind.

[misscindyy]

Craft

As many of my closest friends will agree, I tend to describe things repeatedly in very different ways - continuous elaboration. It’s a habit I never realized I had until I reached adulthood. It might stem from my desire to clarify communication I engage in with every individual, since I only speak to express myself when I truly feel like I have something to contribute, and from my longing to use all words that I see fit in describing a situation. When significant moments happen, regardless of whether it’s a 5 second encounter or a 30 minute ordeal, I replay these moments, analyzing the seconds over and over in varying perspectives for many days after. I could visualize the segment of time like a movie in my head. Maybe this is why I remember random things like what he put in his left pocket, or the crevice in which the unnoticed pen dropped two hours ago. Maybe this is also why I’m always the last one laughing, and why I tend to randomly laugh when no one is talking. My writing attempts to capture my range and depth of emotion. Reading back on my old Tumblr posts, I realized my favorite pieces are the entries where I attempted to describe particular emotions I felt in a mere 5 minutes, whether it was an instance of deep sadness, peace, appreciation or curiosity. It surprises me how many words could be used for emotions I originally thought were indescribable. As soon as I measure the depth of my feelings, I pick up a pen and write. I don’t care if I sound like some crazily depressed emotional wreck in the end. I love it. Sometimes, on a whim, I’ll effortlessly find the words that fit perfectly to what I’m feeling and I’ll believe it sounds so beautiful that I’ll have the need to post it right away. Other times, I could feel an urgency to write because my emotions can’t possibly fit in my head, so they spill out on paper. It could take days of me staring at a couple of phrases, writing and re-writing until I feel satisfied. And sometimes when I can’t find the perfect words, I lose grasp on the specific emotion and the inspiration slips out from under me and I scratch out my scribbles completely. (Yes, I still draft these things on paper most of the time.) Emotions can be indescribable, but I like to try. It gives me a piece of satisfaction when I can read back on an entry and feel the exact emotion that I was trying to describe, when I had originally thought the emotion was indescribable. And it moves me to believe that others could feel what I felt when they read what I’ve written. It’s a way of connecting with others without intending to connect. The idea that strangers and acquaintances could be moved as a result of what I created when I was moved is inspiring. Emotions could never be described to someone who never feels, yet the connection that exists when you realize someone is feeling the exact same thing as you despite the fact that it cannot be described…is beautiful. And no one even has to know. I want to remember my emotions - the bad, the good, the horrible. In the end, memories will fade but we will hold what life has made us feel. Isn’t that amazing? Words and works of art.

[misscindyy]

It’s blissful in the labyrinth.

I placed my muse into the labyrinth of my mind years ago and I've forgotten where I left her. Life has proven to my rational self that she has no place in my new world - this so-called reality popularly known as "adulthood."

Please, find your way back to me.

[misscindyy]

Growth is simply learning how to suffer gracefully, elegantly and not letting your pain completely tear you apart.

Nikita Gill, Truth about Growth  (via awelltraveledwoman)

[misscindyy]

patterns

caffeine brings too much creativity alcohol, too much honesty

[misscindyy]

[misscindyy]

Let me be crystal clear: if you’ve faced a tragedy and someone tells you in any way, shape or form that your tragedy was meant to be, that it happened for a reason, that it will make you a better person, or that taking responsibility for it will fix it, you have every right to remove them from your life. Grief is brutally painful. Grief does not only occur when someone dies. When relationships fall apart, you grieve. When opportunities are shattered, you grieve. When dreams die, you grieve. When illnesses wreck you, you grieve. So I’m going to repeat a few words I’ve uttered countless times; words so powerful and honest they tear at the hubris of every jackass who participates in the debasing of the grieving: Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.

Everything Doesn’t Happen For A Reason — Tim Lawrence (via hereticnarrative)

[misscindyy]

Fade

Loneliness is understanding that no one will ever truly be able to grasp or comprehend the emotions you're feeling. In the grand scheme of things, those of us lost in our minds are completely alone, hiding in forgotten corners that no one else can see, praying that someone will one day look past the light in our eyes to uncover a darker truth. We are all a little broken, she said. I feel you in the morning, the brief instance before I think a single thought as I blink sleep from my eyes adjusting to a coming dawn. And then I remember, and the hollow emptiness takes your place, along with the weight of my mistakes. I've forgotten what it's like to have an aching heart. As the heavy feeling sinks with each passing beat, it settles deeper into my soul, reminding me that it never truly left as it falls easily into the grooves left years before. Make yourself at home. I know you'll be here for awhile.

[misscindyy]

New piece, hope you like it! xo Lang 

…………….

My new book Lullabies is now available via Amazon, BN.com + The Book Depository and bookstores worldwide.

[misscindyy]

An Instance of Appreciation, Pt. 1

From you, I’ve gained inspiration. Not many people can move forward to create the best version of themselves. To say that you’ve successfully done so and that you will continue to as life escapes us - that is not a statement many can wave as a banner. I admire you for your hard work, determination, and persistence. I admire you for your long-term mindset, your pursuit of passion, your success. Through you I’ve discovered that some things are worth the struggle. We’ve only been good friends for a short amount of time, and our friendship will continue to bloom. I only hope that I never lose sight of the inspiration you’ve instilled within me.

From you, I’ve gained self-awareness. Sometimes I think our souls were formed from the same mold. However similar, we are also opposite. You are a rock while I am flowing in the wind - free, careless, full of love and whimsical ideals on life and the pursuit of happiness. You are grounded on the shore - steadfast, true, full of realistic goals with technicality in your approach to tackling the future. Our friendship is beautiful, unique, and liberating in it’s own special way - casual and magnificent, with open and free flowing conversation no matter where we find ourselves. Our friendship may have been delayed in potential, but I am happy it received the opportunity to flourish. I only wish that it will continue to do so as we move forward in life. 

From you, I’ve truly learned about love and selflessness. You stepped into my life at such a delicate time when you learned to love me more than I loved myself. You swooped in and found something so internally damaged, but you still stuck by me and were able to help pick up the pieces. Through you, healing was possible. We’ve been through a sliver of the world together, and our love is ever-changing. I only hope that whatever the future brings, we will have the courage to face it together. You make me want to search for the insatiable thirst of life. You make me want to discover who I am. You make me want to breathe, thrive, love, and experience joy. But most importantly, you made me want to live again. 

[misscindyy]

It terrifies you, doesn’t it? It scares the living shit out of you to love someone like her. Someone who is so much of a storm. Some days she’s stronger than you. Most days her voice is louder. She’ll say “no” once and mean it. If you don’t listen she’ll kick you out of her bed and out of her life. Maybe she’ll soften for you, between the quiet hours where the sun is just barely touching the earth, she’ll be all quiet breathing skin and open mouthed caresses. Maybe once in a while she’ll gentle herself into elastic and you’ll press open mouthed kisses to her skin without worrying about the burn. Stop living for those moments where she’s quieter. They’ll be rare. The thing is, most of the time, she’ll be on fire. You’ll have to carry the ashes of your arguments back with you, you’ll have to expect that she’ll fight you and love you at the same time. It’ll feel like loving a hurricane. So maybe, maybe you’re thinking that it’ll be easier if you just left. Maybe you’ll find a better one. Know this: if she asks you to stay, she will do it once. If you slam the door shut behind you she will shrug her shoulders, wrap herself in her own fight and wait for someone strong enough to love her. If you come back, months later, empty handed, she’ll kiss your forehead and shake her head and say ‘not today.’

Azra.T (via splitterherzen)

[misscindyy]

We are all a little broken.