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[misskmax]

The whole New Year's Wishes sequence in one place...

A decade ago, I wrote:

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art – write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.

And almost half a decade ago I said,

...I hope you will have a wonderful year, that you’ll dream dangerously and outrageously, that you’ll make something that didn’t exist before you made it, that you will be loved and that you will be liked, and that you will have people to love and to like in return. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and more wisdom in the world right now), that you will, when you need to be, be wise, and that you will always be kind.

In 2011, my wish for each of us is small and very simple.

And it’s this.

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

  Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing Something.

  So that’s my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

  Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it.

  Make your mistakes, next year and forever.

  And last year, I wrote:

It’s a New Year and with it comes a fresh opportunity to shape our world. 

So this is my wish, a wish for me as much as it is a wish for you: in the world to come, let us be brave – let us walk into the dark without fear, and step into the unknown with smiles on our faces, even if we’re faking them. 

And whatever happens to us, whatever we make, whatever we learn, let us take joy in it. We can find joy in the world if it’s joy we’re looking for, we can take joy in the act of creation. 

So that is my wish for you, and for me. Bravery and joy.

[misskmax]

birthday musings

Hi there. So I'm turning a year older in a few days. I left 🇵🇭 and landed here in 🇨🇦 about 6 months ago. Though amazed by its beauty, I'm still trying to warm up to this not-so-little snow country.

My days have been really slow... I'm not doing that much except taking care of my pamangkins, yet somehow I'm always tired. And restless. Being a mom is hard. You spend years of your life putting your kid/s first and barely having time for yourself. You feel like losing yourself in the process. I'm not yet a mom; just a titang ina with a free trial of motherhood. And I'm pretty sure that I'm not ready to dive into it yet.

There are still a lot of things that I want to do but I need a little more patience. Not yet. Another year. Another season of waiting; of not fulfilling my potential. Not yet. But still trusting the process.

Breathe. Let go. Let God.

You can still do a lot of things while waiting. Embrace the slow days. Appreciate the small things. Stop worrying about the things that you cannot control; about the things that you cannot do yet. You are here because you are meant to be here. Live in the moment while getting ready for the next season. Winter is long but spring will surely come.🌱

進め

18NOV2023 01:06AM

[misskmax]

Last day of 2022

Listening to this while typing (and sipping chamomile tea haha so tita):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlPna4BorSo

2021. I welcomed the new year unemployed, broke, and broken haha. It was also when you and I cut off communication (again). I still waited tho. I had no idea where my life was going. But still, I was hopeful. I'm pretty impressed with how I managed to get back on track (a little). Became a fur mom. Got a job. Reunited with friends. No update for Canada tho. Made more plans for my future. I also kind of already accepted being a single tita for life lol.

2022. This year... oh but this year... who would’ve thought? I don’t know why I even thought of considering dating again. And then there's you (again lol). I remember thinking, “I probably shouldn’t talk to him again.” But I did. I don’t know why I did. And you never left since. (Yabang mo po.)

Things started to go back to normal. Went back to Manila for work. Traveled with the people I love. And, of course, I made new plans. I thought I could finally practice nb photography this year, but my progress is still slow. Well, at least there’s progress. Still wasn’t able to buy a new laptop because I had to replace my camera. Sunk cost huhu. Ouch.🥹💸 But I also paid off my old credit card debt. Mabigat sa bulsa pero magaan sa feeling haha.👌

Last quarter of the year... I suddenly got updates for Canada. I got another update yesterday that my application got approved. Yay! Or... yay? I’m happy, but I’m not really excited. 2 years. Or maybe 3? 2-3 years isn’t that long... but if it meant not being able to hug you, even 2 months is a bit too long. Naiiyak ako.🥺 And my furbabies pa huhu. I don't know how to tell you pa. I think I’m just getting a bit too iyakin these days hahahuhu. I should be in Canada by June or July this year. Hayyyy. Kaya yan... LDR really isn’t for the fainthearted. Kakayanin po!💪🏼

2023... I’m still trying to list the things I’m looking forward to next year. Maybe in another entry.

Thank you, 2022.🖤

31DEC2022 04:21AM

[misskmax]

Another sleepless night...

My year so far... has definitely been amazing (well, most of the time). I’m still trying to be really, really patient when it comes to my (dream) career. It’s been over a year since I got back into the corporate world, and I’m afraid I’m starting to get tired of it... again. The no-sense-of-fulfillment kind of tired; just-getting-through-the-day kind of tired. Although I have started taking small steps to get into newborn photography (which I am really excited about), I’m also getting really impatient because it’s taking too long for me to get there. But we’ll get there, eventually.

I really want to start doing newborn photography asap, but I can’t leave my 9-5 job yet so I just have to suck it up-- I mean, I just need to find the motivation to do good enough for another year or so. Hopefully, I’ll be able to start my newborn photography business within a year. That’s the plan. I’m not expecting it to go as planned, but yeah, that’s it. Just putting it out there.

And Canada... well, still no update since last March, and tbh I’m not really thinking about it anymore. My sister still wants me to go there, but I’m not really sure if I still do. I mean, I would want to visit for a few months or so, but staying there for at least a year or 2 is a different story now. I have someone that I will really miss if I go. :(

And so let’s talk about us. I can’t seem to find the words to describe what I’m feeling. I’m just happy. And still a bit scared. But still happy. And calm. And safe. And home. I guess I have never really felt this way before, so it’s all new to me. And I would love to just stay like this, but I know that it’s not going to be that easy. Or that’s what my mind is telling me. Because how could this be so easy? That’s why I get scared sometimes. I’m not used to being this happy. I’m scared that something will go wrong, and I’ll get hurt, and we’ll get lost along the way. And we both won’t know what to do to make things right. But I just want you to know that when that happens, I won’t give up that easily. Hayyy corny ba? Haha. This is getting a bit embarrassing, but I love you.

I want both of us to find the courage to go after our dreams, no matter how big or small they are. I want us to be able to do the things that we love, and love life no matter how sad or boring or difficult it could get sometimes. And I love you.

And I still have a lot of things on my mind but I need to sleep now.

Good night.

10SEP2022 04:21AM

[misskmax]

a s i m m o p o .

[misskmax]

I'm still a bit scared but I finally said it. ❤️

03142022

[misskmax]

[misskmax]

Just take some time to breathe. 🌸

[misskmax]

♡ 赤羽根海岸の朝日と波の音 ♡

[misskmax]

petrichor (/ˈpɛtrɪkɔːr/) is the earthy scent produced when rain falls on dry soil.

[misskmax]

STUDIO GHIBLI  +  RAIN 

MY NEIGHBOR TOTORO (1988) ONLY YESTERDAY (1991) KIKI’S DELIVERY SERVICE (1989) THE SECRET WORLD OF ARRIETTY (2010) SPIRITED AWAY (2001) PONYO (2008) HOWL’S MOVING CASTLE (2004)

[inspired by @titlecard and @nyssalance]

[misskmax]

“oh how the stars have become companions for the sleepless,”

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[misskmax]

of glowing lights and rainy nights

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[misskmax]

pondering

[misskmax]

Created using Autodesk Sketchbook.

Original art (mural design) by Abel Macias for BTS's "Permission To Dance" MV.

[misskmax]

I have no words.

Nothing left to say.

[misskmax]

Playing with Autodesk Sketchbook.