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me as a detective: WHO DID THIS 😂😂😂

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blocked and unfollowed sucked and swallowed i don’t care. i don’t care

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I’m meathead

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Help me be a better souls boss on Patreon

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off topic but i think the saddest part of that story was like no one had ever murdered before and so he didn't know what to do after and just like cried until he regained the sense to burry his brother. like bro you're a fucking mess.

I don’t think enough retellings of the Cain and Abel story make note of the fact that nobody had ever been killed or even died before when it happened. Cain had no idea beating his brother to death could possibly be a bad thing

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Every word in this headline is funnier than the one before it.

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he is INSANE

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run run fast as you can

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this was supposed to be funnier than it actually came out 

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me at the office when my second cup of coffee finally kicks in 

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Every baby is genetically modified by an A.I. to be the most perfect worker. The fun part’s trying to discover what it is. Most do before turning 18, except you. They bring you to the supercomputer to finally ask about it, and it’s when you realize you know everything about the A.I. itself.

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I like how looney tunes were like “wouldn’t it be funny if a cute cartoon character suddenly yelled extremely loud and furiously in a totally regular man’s voice” and then they just used that gag a million times and it always was funny

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shounen writers when writing about Just 2 Bros Who Are Just Really Good Friends: they are the sun and moon, day and night. one is sunlight and the other is his shadow. one cannot exist without the other. no matter how far they go, how many lifetimes pass, their souls will always wander back to each other. they are two sides of the same coin. they belong with each other and are soulmates. they’re each others most cherished person. 

shounen writers when writing about het ships: she was the only girl member in their team so obviously then ended up together