mm-timemachine07 - Tumblr blog

[mm-timemachine07]

life so far.

Nightly thoughts - 11:50AM

Its been a minute since I last did something like this. Reviving my 8yo blog with a fresh new start. Idk. I haven’t used social media for over 2 years now. At the time I constantly stayed online to stan my favorite kpop group and that made me hate social media. The space I surrounded myself with was overwhelming fun, active and toxic all at the same time. I became an anti-tech within a switch of a button. I realized I wanted an everyday life where I acted upon the saying to “living in the moment” without having to update all the time. No one ever really shuts up in the internet. Ever minute, and ever hour someone always has something new to say/show. And for that reason I completely stopped updating. I wanted to avoid everyone’s opinion and the persona I unconsciously created myself to be behind the screen. I stopped all of it just to gain some mental clarity.

Then why am I here now? - at 12AM on a work day, writing up a post, listening to DRP IAN’s new MIITO album getting inspired to show my talent and interest to the world. Something I’ve secured and hidden so well all these years (I’m a very private person) and be those type of kids that would delete a post, after a few seconds of posting it....

Speaking of “posts” during my solemn time without the internet I’ve noticed on random days where I wanted to post a simple picture on my IG story, I’ve gained a fear of pressing the post button. I guess I was scared of the feed back, the lack of interaction, the judgement... just thinking about it made my mind go spiral. 

When I first started this blog I was 16. I'm 25 now. Within that huge gap, things have changed.  I’ve gained (some) helpful life experiences, my values, interests and priorities have changed.  This journey that I’ve been on made me understand myself more and understood the dreams that I really wanted for myself.

On that note, I’m not getting any younger. Getting back on the internet and authentically exposing myself to this kind of world is pretty scary. This is where my first post comes into play. This blog is my only outlet (as of right now) where I can be valuable while still being anonymous.  The one thing that I want out of this is getting to press that button, that I once feared so much to look at and hopefully gain the confidence to show my world to you as each day go by.

For anyone who stumbled upon this post and actually stayed to read and relate, thanks for hearing me out and giving me chance to express my nightly thoughts. I hope good days come along your way, stay safe and see you next time :)