mmkkzz

[mmkkzz]

Broken Without You

Summary: After witnessing the death of your best friend Henry and his little brother, you're close to giving up and ending it all. Until Joel asks you to join him and Ellie on their journey across the country and gives you a reason to keep fighting.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: language, violence, blood

A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long, I've been busy editing and working on my debut book. Thanks for your patience xx

Previous Chapter

Chapter 23-

By dawn, the two of you were already in the outskirts of Seattle.

The city was quiet, too quiet. You rode side by side, your rifle resting in your lap as your eyes shifted over each building and abandoned vehicle. The remnants of the once-bustling city loomed around you, vines and moss crept over the crumbling structures. It was beautiful.

Your horses' hooves clopped softly on the cracked pavement, the sound echoing in the eerie silence. As you moved deeper into the city, the remnants of FEDRA's presence became more apparent. Barricades and checkpoints were now destroyed and overrun with nature.

It was clear that the resistant groups had been successful in taking down FEDRA just like Kathleen's resistant group in Kansas City did. A chill ran down your spine at the thought of KC and how everything fell apart so quickly.

Tommy suddenly motioned for a halt, raising his hand and you quickly stopped your horse beside his. He was staring at something in a nearby alley, so you followed his line of sight where two bodies lay in a narrow alley.

Even from the distance, you could make out the W.L.F logo on their jackets. They were Wolves.

Your heartbeat sped up as you dismounted, signalling Tommy to stay alert. Your hands tightened around your rifle as you approached the bodies. The strong scent of decay hit you as you got closer and you scrunched your nose in disgust.

Flies buzzed around the corpses, but it was the homemade arrows sticking out their chests that caught your attention.

You stood there silently inspecting the scene and that's when you saw the weird symbol drawn on the brick wall nearby with the words 'FEEL HER LOVE' written in blood.

What the actual fuck?

You scanned the area carefully, your instincts on high alert. Someone else was taking out Wolves in Seattle.

As you continued to investigate, you noticed a small, tattered book protruding from one of the bodies pockets. You slung your rifle over your shoulder before gently pulling it out and flipping through the pages.

It was a journal.

Your eyes scanned the notes and entries detailing the Wolves movements and encounters. The last few pages were particularly disturbing, recounting a series of brutal attacks on a group called the Seraphites aka Scars. It seemed the Wolves and Scars were fighting a war against each other.

How many Wolves were there? They had to have some numbers in order to take down FEDRA, but that seemed to be a long time ago. You hoped that their numbers had dwindled since then because as skilled as you and Tommy were, you couldn't fight an army.

But like hell you were going to let that stop you from getting revenge. You would face a hundred Wolves if it meant getting to Abby.

She would die, and you were going to make sure of that.

Returning to Tommy and the horses, you held up the journal towards him. His gaze scanned the surroundings one last time before he glanced down and grabbed the journal in confusion.

"The Seraphites," You announced, looking up at him. "Seems like there's another group here."

Tommy's jaw tightened. "Great. Just what we needed. More fanatics."

He studied the journal briefly before handing it back to you, and you tucked it into the saddle bag to examine more thoroughly later before you mounted your mare.

Knowing that there were multiple factions in Seattle only intensified your unease. You weren't just hunting down Wolves, you were now on guard for the Scars too.

Together you continued riding through the deserted streets of Seattle. You didn't have a clear destination in mind, but you knew that every step, every breath, took you closer to Abby.

You weren't sure how long you were travelling for before you spotted the Wolves logo painted on the side of a large hotel building.

Was Abby inside? You hoped so.

You and Tommy exchanged a knowing glance before dismounting your horses and leading them to a nearby alley, safely out of sight from the hotel and anyone who was in there. With your weapons at the ready, you both moved through the debris-laden streets towards the building.

Crouching behind a rusted car, you scanned the hotel's entrance for any sign of movement. Tommy suddenly tapped your shoulder, silently pointing to a side door. You stared at the door for a moment, your eyes shifting to the various windows before you nodded.

With a deep breath, you both made your way over to the side entrance. Tommy gestured for you to take the lead, his gun raised as he watched your six before you pushed the door open. It was dark inside, but you weren't going to risk getting a flashlight out and announcing your presence.

Slowly, you crept down the narrow hallway, the floorboards creaking beneath your boots. Tommy was close behind, his footsteps nearly silent having figured out where not to step from you.

You reached a staircase at the end of the hall and paused, listening intently for any signs of life. And that's when you heard it.

Voices.

You couldn't make out what they were saying, but there were multiple voices, at least four, maybe more. You glanced back at Tommy, and he gave you a small nod. He was going to follow your lead.

Together the two of you began to ascend the staircase. Your back was pressed against the wall, rifle raised towards the top of the stairs as you slowly moved. The voices grew louder as you reached the top of the stairs but before you could take another step, a man walked around the corner.

Your eyes flashed to the W.L.F patch on his jacket and that was all you needed to see. You silently tossed your rifle over your shoulder before drawing your hunting knife from the sheath on your belt.

With careful, measured steps, you crept up behind the man. Then, in a swift, fluid motion, you reached out, clamping your hand over his mouth to stifle any sound, while stabbing the blade of the knife into his neck.

Blood sprayed from the wound, and he struggled briefly, but then his body went limp. Quietly, you eased him to the ground, sheathing your knife before reaching for your rifle as you glanced back at Tommy.

He gave you a small nod before the two of you pushed forward, stepping over the body and quietly moving down the hallway. The voices were now clearer, and you could distinguish at least three distinct tones engaged in a heated discussion.

You approached a closed door where the voices were coming from. Tommy positioned himself on one side of the door and reached for the handle. He met your gaze waiting for your signal.

That was the good thing about you and Tommy. You worked surprisingly well together. No words were needed as you took a deep breath before giving him a nod.

He pushed the door open, and you both stepped inside, guns raised. Two men and a woman turned in shock at your sudden appearance, all wearing W.L.F jackets.

Without hesitation, you fired, taking out the woman who reacted quickest and reached for her firearm. Tommy followed suit, taking down the two men in a split second before someone shouted from behind you.

You spun around as a fourth man came rushing down the corridor with a machete. You sidestepped, using your rifle to knock the blade out his grasp before slamming the butt of your gun against his temple, knocking him unconscious.

"Y/N, wait-"

You raised your gun and put a bullet through the man's head before Tommy could finish his sentence.

You didn't look at Tommy as you moved towards the bodies, kicking them over one by one, but they were all unfamiliar strangers. None of them were there that day at the lodge. Damnit.

"We need at least one alive if we want to find Abby," Tommy spoke up.

Before you could respond, the sound of hurried footsteps filled the air and you raised your gun towards the door.

"No. Alive," Tommy hissed quietly, waving for you to lower the gun.

You gritted your teeth but lowered your gun slightly knowing he was right.

A second later, a figure rushed into the room, clad in the now-familiar W.L.F gear. The mans eyes widened in panic when he saw the fate of his comrades in bloodied messes on the floor by your feet.

"On the ground, now!" Tommy ordered, his voice cold and gun aimed at the man's chest.

He hesitated, then dropped to his knees, hands raised in surrender. You approached cautiously, yanking the handgun from his holster and tossing it to the side while Tommy kept his own gun trained on him.

"Where's Abby?" You questioned.

He didn't say anything, he simply glared up at you in defiance.

With a frustrated sigh, you turned to Tommy.

"I can get answers, but you probably aren't gonna like how I do it," You warned.

Tommy let out a low chuckle. "Sweetheart, if you're talking about torture, I guarantee you I've seen and done worse."

You raised an eyebrow, not expecting that. Although, given his past with Joel when the outbreak first started, you shouldn't have been surprised at all.

“Robert, what's going on up there?" A voice shouted from downstairs.

"They have-"

Tommy clocked the man across the head with his gun before he could say anything else.

"I'll deal with the other person," You said, your voice barely above a whisper as you moved towards the door.

"Alive, Y/N. I need him alive," Tommy instructed sternly.

You rolled your eyes, giving him a mock soldier salute before walking out the room. You made your way to the stairs and slowly descended as you reached for your rifle over your shoulder, but then a man rushed up the stairs, crashing into you.

You both tumbled down the remaining stairs, your rifle clattering to the floor. The impact knocked the wind out of you, but you quickly scrambled to your feet. The man was on his feet too, but you moved faster, pinning him against the wall. He struggled, but a swift knee to his stomach weakened his resolve.

But then a pair of hands grabbed you from behind, pulling you off the man with surprising strength. You tried to break free, but the person twisted your left arm behind your back painfully.

You gritted your teeth, trying to ignore the pain as you reached down with your free hand, your fingers grasping the grip of your handgun on your hip. Before you could draw the gun, your arm was twisted further, and with a sickening pop, your shoulder dislocated.

Excruciating pain burst through the joint, and you let out a pained cry before you yanked your handgun free and pointed it back behind you, squeezing the trigger.

The singular shot rang out through the hotel and a second later, the hands gripping your injured arm let go. You spun around, gun raised to find a man now lying lifeless on the carpet, blood gushing out his midsection.

Whoops. So much for needing him alive.

You quickly turned your sights onto the other man, who instantly raised his hands in surrender.

"Y/N?!" Tommy's voice shouted from upstairs in panic.

"I'm okay!" You yelled back before focusing on the man in front of you. "Toss your gun, slowly."

He hesitated before slowly plucking his handgun from his thigh holster and dropping it to the ground.

"Good. Now, upstairs. Start walking," You ordered.

The man clenched his jaw before obeying and turning towards the stairs. You silently followed, your gun trained on the back of his head as your injured arm remained limp by your side, pounding in pain.

The man faltered slightly when he spotted his dead comrades on the floor before you jabbed your gun into his back and pushed him into the room. Tommy now had the other guy tied up in a chair, still unconscious.

He was quick to grab the new person and tie him to the other chair. You watched silently and holstered your gun before grasping your injured shoulder with a wince.

"You killed them! You'll fucking pay for this. You don't know who you're messing with!"

"We know exactly who we're messin' with," Tommy spat back, tightening the man’s restraints just to make a point.

He stepped away and glanced back at you, his eyes flicking to your hand holding your shoulder. Worry instantly filled his eyes and he took a step toward you.

"What the hell happened down there? You didn't get shot, did you?"

You shook your head. "No. That prick had a friend I didn't see coming. He's dead now."

"And your shoulder?"

You grimaced as you tried to lift your arm, but the blinding pain that followed was enough to tell you that it was definitely dislocated. Gritting your teeth, you took a deep breath and tried to steady yourself.

"It’s not great," You admitted.

You turned towards the doorframe, lining your shoulder up with the hard surface. You took a deep breath, mentally trying to prepare yourself for what you were about to do. Before you could think too much, you slammed your shoulder into the wooden frame, and it popped back into place.

"Son of a bitch," You gasped, reaching up to grab the joint as the blinding pain instantly faded into a dull ache.

You leaned heavily against the doorframe, trying to catch your breath. Tommy was by your side in an instant, his hands hovering unsurely around you.

"You're an idiot. That could've made it worse," he scolded.

"It worked," You grunted, pushing yourself off the doorframe. "I'm fine. Let's focus on our new guests."

You motioned towards the two captives tied to the chairs, one still unconscious while the other glared at you both in anger and fear.

"Alright, let's get started," Tommy announced, cracking his knuckles.

-

*3 Months Ago – New Years Eve*

"I don't need your fucking help, Joel," Ellie's voice echoed through your mind.

The night air was cold, the faint echo of music drifted across the community from the party still ongoing. Joel sat beside you on the porch chair, hands resting on his knees as he tapped a slow, uneven rhythm.

You didn't look at him. Neither of you had spoken since you followed him home after his abrupt exit.

The silence wasn't peaceful though, it was loaded, dense with the echoes of what Ellie had shouted across the crowd and music. The anger inside of you hadn't faded.

How could she say that to Joel? He was only trying to help.

Your breath came out in slow clouds, the small portable heater by your feet doing little to ease the chill in the air. You both stared out across the snow-blanketed yard, the moonlight catching the icicles hanging from the porch railing.

Joel let out a sigh, and shifted slightly, his boot scraping softly against the porch. He reached over and grabbed the guitar leaning against the wall. He must have finished putting new strings on it for Ellie, you realised.

"She's angry," he finally said, and his voice was smaller than you'd ever heard it, and your heart clenched. "Guess I can't blame her."

"She has no right to be angry," You snapped, but you quickly closed your eyes and took in a deep breath, not wanting your own anger to consume you.

Joel grunted but didn't say anything further before he began plucking a few strings. It was a simple song, an old tune that you had heard him hum while tinkering around the house many times before.

You let your eyes drift to the side, watching the way his fingers moved over the strings. The porch light glimmered against the curve of his jaw, outlining the furrow that never quite left his brow.

"She'll come around," You murmured after a moment. "She always does."

"Yeah. I just... I don't know how to fix it this time," he sighed.

You wished you did too.

The guitar music faltered, Joel's fingers pausing as he looked out into the night. "I was just trying to protect her. That's all I ever wanted."

"I know," You replied softly. "She knows that too. She just... I don't know what's going on with her."

"She's already being so distant lately, and now this..."

"Whatever is going on with her, it does not give her the right to talk to you like that though. You were trying to help, she shouldn't have said any of that, especially in front of everyone," You muttered, anger seeping back into your tone as you thought back to the hurt look on Joel's face after Ellie snapped at him.

Joel silently nodded while he began absently strumming the guitar once again.

"I'll make sure she apologises," You announced.

"No." Joel shook his head. "Don't. It'll just make things worse. Let her come to us first."

"She needs to apologise. That behaviour wasn't okay," You insisted.

Joel opened his mouth to respond but then his eyes shifted to something—someone—in the distance. You turned, following his line of sight to see Ellie slowly strolling back to the house. She paused for a moment when she saw you both on the porch, her eyes flashing between you before she kept walking.

You watched her, waiting for her to join you on the porch, but she simply walked straight past the steps, not giving either of you a second glance.

No.

You were not going to let her just walk away.

You quickly stood up, intending to march after her and demand an apology for Joel, but then his hand shot out and grasped yours, stopping you.

"No. Baby, don't," he whispered, his voice nearly pleading.

You glanced back at him, his sad eyes meeting yours. His thumb stroked a gentle line along your knuckles as he gave a small shake of his head.

"She needs to apologise," You mumbled angrily.

"She needs time," he countered. "If we push her now, she'll just pull further away."

You swallowed your protest, frustration and concern filling your chest.

Letting out a shaky breath, you shook your head. "Fine."

You slipped your hand free from Joel's grip, the warmth of his touch lingering on your skin as you moved toward the front door. You needed a moment, a moment to let the tangle of anger and worry unravel inside of you.

"Where are you going?"

You paused, hand on the doorknob. "I need a drink."

"Hey, wait." He rose from his seat, the wooden chair creaking softly. The guitar was forgotten as he stepped toward you, his eyes searching yours worriedly. "Are you okay?"

You nodded but didn't say anything further before slipping inside and closing the door behind yourself.

Joel didn't follow, and you let out a shaky sigh.

You went to the kitchen, filled a glass with water and took a sip. You were half tempted to ignore Joel and march into the garage and talk to Ellie yourself. But just as you were about to, you heard voices coming from the porch.

Ellie and Joel.

Your brows furrowed in confusion as you placed the glass in the sink before moving toward the front window. The glass was partially frosted, but you could see the two of them leaning against the railing together, their backs facing you.

She came back, you realised. A wave of relief washed over you.

You moved closer to the window, leaning your shoulder against the wall as you listened.

“Tell me what happened with the Fireflies. If you lie to me again, we’re done.”

Joel looked away from Ellie, his hands tightening around the snow covered railing. His shoulders were tense to the point of shaking, and you were torn whether to go out there and try to help or to stay out of it.

“Were there other immune people?” Ellie pressed.

He hesitated, then shook his head.

“Were there Raiders?”

He shook his head.

“Could they have made a cure?”

Tears were shimmering in Ellie’s eyes, and by the way Joel’s body was trembling, you knew he was close to crying too. Slowly, he nodded, turning his head towards her.

“Did you…” Ellie trailed off, unable to say it. Her lips pressed into a thin line, the weight of years and secrets pressing on her shoulders.

Did you kill everyone in that hospital?

Joel nodded, knowing what she meant.

“And Marlene?”

He nodded again, looking away, staring out into the night. “Making a cure… would’ve killed you.”

“Then, I was supposed to die. That was my purpose. My life would have fucking mattered! But you took that from me! You took it from everyone!” Ellie yelled, her voice rough with emotion as she fought against the tears streaming down her face.

You covered your mouth with trembling hands, your heart breaking as you listened. Your own tears were burning in the back of your eyes, and you knew you shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but you couldn’t bring yourself to walk away either.

“Yes. And I’ll pay the price because you’re gonna turn away from me,” Joel said, his voice cracking. “But if somehow I had a second chance at that moment, I would do it all over again.”

“Because you’re selfish,” Ellie spat, angrily.

“Because I love you. In a way you… you can’t understand. Maybe you never will. But if that day should come, if you should ever have one of your own, well then… I hope you do a little better than me.”

Neither of them said anything for a moment. They stood there, side by side staring out into the darkness.

Ellie wiped the tears from her cheeks before turning to face him again.

"And Y/N? She knew, right? She helped you? I don't know why I'm asking, of course she would've. She'd follow you to the end of the fucking Earth,” she mumbled the last sentence softly to herself, but you heard it. And she was right.

"Don't blame her," Joel quickly said, straightening up and facing her. "Don't... don't hate Y/N for this. Hate me, okay? It was my idea, it was my plan, not hers. Please don't hate her."

"I don't hate her," Ellie whispered.

You leaned your forehead against the cool wall, the tears in your eyes now falling.

"I don’t think I can forgive you for this,” Ellie admitted, her voice breaking. Then, she turned to face him again, fresh tears cascading down her cheeks. “But I would like to try.”

Inside, the ache in your chest grew sharper, threads of guilt and relief weaving together as you wiped your tears.

-

You were pacing the living room, waiting for Joel to come back inside. You weren’t sure how long the two of them stayed out on the porch for, but you decided to give them some privacy.

The front door suddenly creaked open, and you turned around just as Joel stepped in. He paused in the doorway, his red-rimmed and teary eyes meeting yours. He held your gaze, taking in your tear-streaked cheeks and for a heartbeat neither of you spoke.

He closed the door softly behind him, the latch clicking into place. He struggled to compose himself, wiping away his tears.

"How much of that did you hear?" he asked, his voice rough.

But you couldn't answer. The lump in your throat made talking impossible. Instead, you took a shuddering breath and closed the distance between you, wrapping your arms around his middle.

You buried your face in his chest, his shirt damp beneath your cheek from both your tears and his. Joel's arms instantly wrapped around you, pulling you in tighter. His chin rested lightly atop your head, his chest rising and falling with uneven breaths.

For a while, you both just stood there in each other's arms. You could feel the steady thump of his heart, hear the faint tremor in the breath he let out.

"It's gonna be okay," he whispered, his hand rubbing soothing circles across your back. "She's okay... we're okay. We're all okay, baby."

"I love you, Joel." The words were muffled against the fabric of his shirt.

He pulled back just enough to see you, his arms lingering around your waist before one of his hands moved to cradle the side of your face. His thumb brushed away the remnants of your tears, and his gaze held yours.

"I love you too," he replied.

You leaned into his palm, your hand coming up to rest over his. The world out the door faded away, leaving only the two of you. Joel leaned his forehead against yours and smiled, tucking a stray lock of hair behind your ear.

"I love you so goddamn much," he added softly.

-

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[mmkkzz]

Stages of life

Pairing: dad!Joel Miller x mom!reader Summary: After your daughter's birth you follow her through the bumby road, but she turns to Joel every time she needs help. Warnings: established relationship, pure fluff, soft family moments A/N: Thank you for the request @i-workwithpens!

It starts as a joke—something careless you say one night with your head curled up beside Joel on the couch, your belly thick and warm in your palms. You're almost six months along, puffy in some areas you used to be flat, worn out in ways sleep can't help. The baby is kicking fiercely now, sometimes with such force it takes your breath and sends a hand reflexively to your ribcage. But every time Joel's hand grazes across your belly, she goes rigid. Silent as a tomb.

"She's shy," you tease, glancing up at him as he rubs his thumb in slow circles over the taut skin.

"She's stubborn," he growls. "She doesn’t like me already."

"Don't say that."

"It's the truth," he mutters, frowning like it hurts. "Every time I touch you, she gets stiff like I'm some kinda stranger."

You attempt a smile, but there is a furrow between his eyebrows that you've come to recognize—something beyond annoyance. It's worry. And you understand where it comes from.

You lift a hand, combing your fingers through the graying ringlets at his temple, smoothing them back with as much gentleness as you can find. "You're not a stranger," you say quietly. "She's listening. That's all."

He snorts. "What, like I'm saying ghost stories or something?"

You just shrug, smiling a little. "She hears you talking and she settles down. That's good."

But he doesn't look as if he believes you.

And in the weeks that follow, you notice the way he quiets down with her, is less sure of himself. He still kisses your belly goodnight. Still whispers to you of things he believes you can't hear. But every time he hopes, patiently waiting for even the smallest flutter back—the only thing he gets is nothing. Her stubborn resistance continues. Even Ellie teases him about it one night at dinner, goading his bruised ego with that distinctive smirk of hers. Joel tries to shoo her away, but you can tell it's still simmering somewhere just beneath the surface.

“She'll see sense," you tell him in the dark. He just kisses your shoulder and breathes as if he's not sure he knows it.

And she's born.

She arrives on a rainy morning, early and informal. Just a low, persistent ache that cuts too sharply. It's Joel who keeps you steady during the worst of it, holding you up by the hands as you lean against him and gasp your way through every wave as if your body were tearing itself apart. He speaks to you the entire time, voice like gravel and honey in your ear, reminding you that you are strong, reminding you that you have this, calling you baby so many times it nearly breaks you.

And then she's there.

Small and furious and slippery with the rawness of new life. Her crying is like something holy echoing in the room. You're sobbing before they lay her on your chest. You didn't expect that, the effect of the tears—how full and empty you become all at once. Her warmth on your skin, her weight, her voice. Overwhelming the way nothing ever was.

Joel is rigid beside the bed, his hand covering his mouth, wide eyes brimming with tears as he glances from you to your daughter as if he can't decide which to keep watch on.

“You want to hold her?" the nurse whispers.

He nods—stiff and quiet—and lets them guide his hands. You see them carefully place her in the crook of his arms. He's shaking. You can tell. His fingers automatically circle around her tiny back as she sobs, flushed face and creased in protest.

But the moment he speaks—"Hey now, there you are, sweetheart"—she stiffens.

Immediately.

Not asleep. Just still. Her face turns towards his voice, her breathing steadies. You catch the exact moment when it hits him. His whole body eases, as if something inside of him has let go. He leans back in the chair beside the bed with her cradled in his arms, holding her so lightly you can barely breathe to watch.

“She stopped cryin',” he says after a beat, shocked. "She—did you see that? She heard me and just… "

You nod once more, already crying. "Told you she was listening."

His thumb traces the curve of her head. His face transforms—slowly, carefully—into one you've never quite seen. Utter awe. Utter breathless wonder.

"She's so little," he whispers. "I thought Sarah was little, but this… she's so damn small."

You reach out, your fingers brushing against hers—her fist clenched in sleep—and glance at him. "She already knows you," you say to him. "She always did."

That night, when the nurse returns to take vitals and check on you, your daughter screams in her bassinet until Joel takes her up for the umpteenth time. She won't settle into your arms. Won't even settle into the nurse's. Only Joel. Only him.

He's awake for hours, going slow and steady with her clutched close to his chest. You're lying in the bed, dazed with exhaustion and euphoria, your heart racing with how fast it's all coming and how wonderful it feels anyway.

And as the dawn break, Joel falls back into the chair beside your bed, half-closed eyes and rasping voice whispering lullabies you never knew he knew.

"She's ours," he breathes, pressing his lips to her forehead. "She didn't kick me 'cause she was waitin' for this.”

You shut your eyes, hunched over your flattening belly, and listen to the cadence of her breathing on top of him—so soft, so relentless.

And maybe she didn't kick.

But now, she won't release him.

——

The colic starts when she is about five weeks old.

At first, you tell yourself it's just gas, or overtired fussiness. But it's unavoidable after a week straight of late-afternoon tantrums that build to inconsolable wailing no matter how much you rock, feed, burp, bounce, or beg. She rigidifies in your arms, fists balled, face purple, her small lungs filled with bottomless fury, and you—tired, sore, still sore from giving birth—feel powerless in a manner that devastates you.

You try everything. Warm baths, soft lullabies, different bottles. Ellie even knits a blanket that smells like lavender and lays it across her crib with a hopeful shrug. “Worked for one of the kids back in the QZ,” she says, rubbing sleep from her own eyes after being woken for the third night in a row.

But nothing does. Your daughter screams and flails like the world did her an injustice. And you cry, silently, as you pace the hall in the dead of night, your body still remembering the weight of pregnancy and now finding the weight of powerlessness.

It's Joel who figures it out.

It happens by accident. He's coming home late after a long patrol shift, sweat seeped into the collar of his flannel, his legs throbbing with fatigue. He kisses your cheek, reaches to take her from you without thinking—just to give your arms a rest.

And the instant he holds her—she stops.

Not completely. There are still hiccuping gasps and small, trembly whimpers. But the storm passes. The wailing subsides. Her cheek drops to the soft cotton of his shirt, her little body crumples into his chest like it's the last safe place left in the world. And you just stand there, jaw hanging, blinking like you dreamed it.

Joel looks at you, amazed. "Was that… did she just stop?"

You nod. "She… yeah. What the hell?"

He gazes down at her. His large hand holds the back of her small head with protectiveness. "I didn't do anything."

"You did something."

He shrugs slowly. "Maybe she just—needed her daddy."

And from that night on, she does.

Whenever the colic hits—between six and nine at night like clockwork—you hand her over to him, and she melts within minutes. He occasionally hums to her low under his breath, songs you recognize from old records and a few that you don't. He occasionally paces with her through the kitchen, barefoot, while dinner remains congealing untouched on the stove. And sometimes, after the crying's been especially bad, you get out of the shower to find them both asleep on the couch, her tiny fists balled in the collar of his shirt, her breath warm against his neck.

No sense in denying it any more. She's a daddy's girl. Through and through.

You pretend to be indignant at first. "She was mine for nine months," you say him one night, pseudo-scowling at them as Joel rocks her in the glider you insisted on putting by the window. "I should be her favorite."

Joel smirks, that annoying little curl of his lips. "Guess I grew on her."

"She didn't even kick for you."

He stoops, kisses her soft, fluffy head, and then looks at you. "That's because she was savin' it. Had to make a dramatic entrance."

You smile, but there's a catch in your throat. Because what you really feel, down deep, beneath all the joking jealousy, is awe. You knew Joel would love your daughter. That wasn't even a question. But you didn't expect the way he loves her—fiercely, tenderly, like everything inside of him has shifted to make space for her.

You catch glimpses of them together in the kitchen every now and then. She cuddled into his chest, hand clasped around one of his fingers. His nose buried in her hair, inhaling slowly, whispering words that no one else is meant to hear. And it hits you, again and again, how lucky she is. How lucky you both are.

One night, following a particularly bad bout of colic, Joel sits up with her long after midnight. You wake to find him rocking gently in the dark living room, her tiny body snuggled against his bare chest. He doesn't realize you're there at first, so you hold still, hidden in the doorway.

“You got her fight in you," he whispers. "But you’ve both got my heart. And you’ve got me wound around your little pinky."

You fist your hand over your mouth, the words slicing into something within you. He's whispering to her like he's telling secrets to the stars, voice gravelly and reverent.

"She scares me sometimes," he admits in a hushed voice. "You too. Scare me because I love you so much, I don't know what I'd do if anything ever…"

His voice breaks.

You step forward then, unable to keep quiet any longer. He turns, eyes meeting yours, and you don't say anything. You just go to him, rest your forehead on his shoulder, wrap one arm around both of them.

And you sit there like that till morning.

Since if there's anything you've learned—it's that your daughter may have kept her kicks to herself, but now that she's here, she's chosen her person. Chosen him.

And Joel? He'd move heaven and earth to keep her safe.

Even if it's staying awake the whole night, every night, just so that she can sleep in peace.

——

You feel her presence before you hear her—tiny padded footsteps along the floorboards like whispers, the creak of the bedroom door opening just enough to let in the cool air and a sliver of moonlight.

Then, in a soft voice:

"Daddy?"

Joel stirs next to you before you can even completely open your eyes. A sleep roughened purr rumbles in his chest as he rolls in the direction of the voice. The blanket rustles, his arm reaching out automatically.

"'M right here, baby," he mumbles, still half asleep. "What's wrong?"

You roll onto your side, blinking in the dark. She's already crawling up onto the bed, dragging her blanket behind her like it's a lifeline. She doesn't even glance at you, doesn't look your way. Her everything is directed at Joel—her daddy, her safe haven.

He shifts over to make room for her, pulling the covers up quietly. She scrambles into the place on his chest like she's done it a thousand times, although she's a bit older now. Joel draws the blanket over her, one strong arm wrapping around her small body.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" he urges, making slow circles on her back.

She sniffles, and your heart goes out.

"There was something in my room," she whispers, her voice trembling with leftover fear. "It didn't say anything. It just stared at me from the corner."

You sit up a little, the familiar concern igniting in your chest, but Joel's already got her—already making soft noises, already pushing the damp strands of hair away from her forehead like it's second nature.

" Ain't nothin' in your room," he mutters. "Promise. You just had a bad dream. Happens to everybody."

Her voice fades. "Even you?"

"'Course," he says. "Even me. Had one last week."

"What was it about?"

He hesitates for a moment, then answers as he always does when she's scared—honest, but kind. "Dreamed I lost you and your mama. Woke up in a sweat."

She gasps. "But we're right here."

He nods. “Exactly. Just a dream. Not real. Just like that thing in your room.”

She burrows deeper into him, her cheek against his chest. “I hate nightmares.”

“I know, baby. But they can’t hurt you. Not while I’m here.”

And that’s it. That’s all she needs.

She shuts her eyes, holding on to him with all of her. Her breath catches steady. Her hands, which had been fists clenched into the collar of his shirt, begin to unwind.

And you—seeing the two of them wrapped in their own gentle little world—feel a pang of something complicated. Not jealousy. Not really. Just that deep, reverent ache of witnessing someone love your child so entirely that it changes who they are.

She could have come to you. Should have, maybe. You’re the one who carried her, nursed her, bandaged her scraped knees and sang lullabies in the kitchen while making dinner.

But it’s Joel she wants when the world feels too big. Joel she calls for in the dead of night. Joel whose arms are the ones that tell her she’s safe.

You lie back down slowly, listening to her even out, her body settle. Joel's eyes lock with yours in the darkness, his hand still on her back.

"She okay?" you whisper.

He nods. "Just scared."

You reach across the bed, your fingers brushing over his. "She loves you so much."

He doesn't answer right away. Just looks down at the little girl curled into him like a second heartbeat. Like his shadow.

"She… she always comes to me," he whispers at last. "Like she knows I need her to."

You feel your throat tightening.

"She trusts you," you whisper.

Joel's voice is rough as he swallows. "I never had this before. Not with Sarah. Not like this. Missed out on so much. Sometimes I don't feel like I deserve it."

"You do," you say. "You do, Joel. She knows that. That's why she comes to you."

He nods, but it doesn't come immediately. He leans and presses a kiss to the crown of her head, slow and sure.

And then—you watch him fall asleep with her wrapped in his arms, their breaths falling into sync, his need to protect her so embedded in his bones that he doesn't need to be awake to defend her. It's instinct. Natural.

She doesn't stir for the 

Other half of the night.

In the morning, when she wakes up, she's giggles and cartoons again, coming down from bed like nothing is wrong, asking for apples and oatmeal.

But you don't forget.

And neither does Joel.

Because it's always him she seeks out when her world becomes a little too much. Always him she requires when her nightmares get bad. Not because she doesn't love you. But because something within her—something old and primal—understands that Joel Miller was built to keep people safe.

And when it's his daughter? He becomes immovable.

A wall. A beacon. A soft place to fall.

And she'll never lose her way back to him.

——

It's late spring in Jackson, sunny warmth pouring gold across the yard like honey, and when you swing open the back door with a towel draped across your shoulder and water clinging to your hands from washing dishes for breakfast, the sight stops you.

Joel is in the stable yard, one hand holding firm the reins of a chestnut mare, the other only lightly on the waist of your daughter—your seven-year-old daughter—who sits at present in the saddle, eyes aglow, cheeks flushed, legs dangling in those far-too-large borrowed boots as if born to riding.

"Joel Miller," you call, attempting to have your voice even, but your heart is already pounding.

He looks up at the commotion, and that skanky, guilty smile you all know so well spreads across his face. The one that says I was naughty to hide it from you but look what happened.

You walk over to them gradually, squinting against the sun. "You'd like to explain why our daughter is riding a horse without her mom knowing about it first?"

"She's not on it by herself," he says, as calm as if nothing big is happening, and pats the saddle horn like it was the most ordinary damn thing in the world. "Been here the whole time."

Your daughter giggles, wrapping both hands around the horn. "Mama! See! She likes me. I can tell!"

You go to her side, taking hold of her boot to hold her back. She sits tall and proud, appearing older than you're ready for.

"Joel…"

"She asked," he breathes softly, leaning in. "Said she wanted to try it. And I figured—hell, I learned about the time she was around. Just a little ride. I'm walkin' the whole way."

You allow your eyes to wander among them—his steady hands, her shining face, the guarded way in which he's entwined the rope across his wrist. Each precaution. Each shreds of intent. And still your stomach tightens.

"She's seven."

"She's careful," he says to you. "And I'd never let something happen to her. You know that."

You exhale, pressing your fingers against your temple.

The truth is—he's right. Of course he is. You've seen him fix fences, sharpen knives, heft heavy feed sacks with her awkwardly balanced on his hip. He's a man who moves through the world like danger is a certainty and safety is something you build with your own two hands. And he's never failed her. Never failed you.

That horse doesn't even shift under your daughter's light weight. Her ears fold back as Joel strokes her neck.

"I picked Rosie because she's such a gentle horse. Used her when I taught Benji a few summers ago," he goes on, in a gentle, wheedling voice.

You fold your arms across your chest. "You should have told me."

"I know," he admits. "Just, she was so damn happy, I didn't want to wait. She was up at dawn drivin' my ear crazy."

Your daughter elbows along over the saddle horn, her face lifted to the sky. "I wanna ride with Daddy every day, Mama. She walks slow and I'm real good at hangin' on. He said I was a natural."

Joel smirks. "She is, too. Kicked her heels like she's been watchin' the wranglers from the porch since birth."

You narrow your eyes at him, then the horse, then her. The scene is so them it almost aches—him in his old flannel rolled to the elbows, boots dusty, legs braced for balance; her with wind-tossed curls, a halo of sunlight catching the fine hairs along her forehead, joy practically pouring out of her.

You sigh. “Alright. But I’m watching. And no trotting. No tricks. No letting go.”

Joel lifts a hand, somber. "Scout's honor."

She reaches down from the saddle and catches him around the shoulder. "Let's go, Daddy! Giddy-up!"

He smiles, gathering up the reins and clicking his tongue. Rosie starts to move forward slowly and steadily, hooves cracking on gravel. And you stand there in the sunlight, arms crossed tight across your chest, heart bursting and breaking.

Because although you know it's safe—although you know he's being careful—you still feel the fear in your chest. The hopelessness of it. The hurt of being the one she didn't go to first.

And yet… as they ride the pasture together, his hand never letting go of the reins, her laughter echoing back to you like music, something gives.

Because he's not merely giving her a ride—he's filling her with confidence. Freedom. Happiness.

You sit on the fence for a while, watching them walk back and forth, her shrieks, his urgings, the way she looks back over her shoulder at him every few strides like she's on a string to him with more than reins.

They come finally in a full circle. Joel swings her down from the horse with a softness, as if she were still a baby, and she springs the last couple of inches into the grass, running towards you.

"Did you see me, Mama?" she cries, all smiles and sunshine. "I was flyin'!" You drop to your knees and pick her up, brushing dirt from her knees. "I saw, baby. You were so brave."

She hugs you for a second before turning back to Joel, her voice already fading as she cries, "Can we do it again tomorrow?!"

He gazes up at you, silently asking the question once again without ever uttering a word.

You give the barest nod.

——

It starts like it always does—quietly. She doesn’t say where they’re going, not exactly. Just asks him softly at the breakfast table while you’re pouring coffee, her voice a murmur beneath the scrape of a chair. “You wanna go for a hike later? Just us?”

Joel doesn't even look up. Just nods, slow and matter-of-factly, as if it was always in the cards. "Yeah, sure. After I help Tommy with that post."

You see the look she gives him—hastily, grateful, relieved. You recognize that look. You've had it yourself back in the days.

And when they leave, it is like watching two halves of the same stubborn heart walk down the hill, her rucksack one size too big for her, his hand gentle on her shoulder to coax her over the rough ground.

She doesn't walk like a little girl anymore. Her legs and arms are long, coltish. Still filling out into her, still knees and elbows and floppy sleeves, but now her gait is purposeful. Her voice more confident. And because you've been catching glimpses of it. That she lingers by the mirror in the morning. That she ties her braid up more securely. That she brushes her teeth twice without being reminded.

You know it is coming. This section. The section where she is less yours and more herself. It starts slow—always does—but today, as you watch them disappear over the ridge together, you can sense it. The turning point.

It's getting dark when they return. Golden light burning across the horizon at their backs, their dark forms approaching together on the path back to the porch. She's carrying a small bunch of wildflowers in one hand, her cheeks wind-whipped, eyes shining with something you can't quite put your finger on yet.

Later, when you’re rinsing dishes and Joel comes in to help dry, he bumps your hip with his.

“She’s growin’ up,” he murmurs, low so she can’t hear from the living room.

You glance over your shoulder. She’s curled up in the armchair, sketchbook in her lap, pencil moving in slow circles.

“What happened out there?”

He shrugs. But it’s not the careless kind. It’s the kind that says a lot and nothing I’m ready to put words to.

You turn the water off and lean your hip against the counter. “Did she say something?”

He nods once. His face is unreadable, but his voice is soft. “Told me about a boy.”

Your breath catches. Not from surprise. Just the weight of hearing it aloud. “Oh.”

"Only a crush," he continues in a rush. "Told me it ain't serious."

You tilt your head. "Did she already tell Ellie?"

He nods again. "Told Ellie she laughed and told her to say something to me. And she did."

And now his mouth curves into that soft, bitter smile that always cinches your chest. The one he wears when she asks for his help to fix something. Or calls him Daddy even though most girls her age have moved on to Dad. The one he wears like a badge of honor, as though he's scared that if he grins too much, he'll lose it all.

“She trusts you,” you remark quietly, picking up a new dish towel.

“She always has.”

It isn't until afterwards—when she's in bed and the house is still—that Joel will recount the rest to you. The trail she chose, the same one they'd been on since she was nine. The way she stood in wait until they struck that flat rock along the stream before she spoke a word. Hands jammed into her hoodie sleeves, voice lowered.

"There's this boy," she'd said, looking out at the water. "He's… kinda dumb. But funny. And nice."

Joel hadn't answered right away. Just nodded, letting her get her balance. Letting her decide how much she wanted to share.

She kicked a rock down into the creek. "He helped me haul a basket of supplies from the greenhouse. He didn't have to."

Joel had knelt beside her, elbows on his knees, his voice gentle. "Sounds like he's all right."

She'd shrugged. "I dunno. I just—my stomach does this funny thing when he talks to me."

He'd smiled. "That means you like him, sweetheart."

And then she'd looked up at him, her eyes wide and hopeful, and sighed, "I didn't wanna tell Mama yet. I wanted to tell you first."

You see it on Joel's face when he tells you that bit. The way it cracked something open inside him. The way it made him feel as though the whole world had folded in upon itself to encompass in that one moment.

"Told me I always listen first. That I don't freak out." He smiles a small, soft smile, rubbing at his jaw. "Said if she'd told you first, you'd be going on about chaperones and curfews before she'd even gotten the whole thing out."

You roll your eyes, but you don't argue. You know it’s the truth.

"She asked me if I ever had crushes when I was her age," he says, his voice softer now. "Told her I didn't really. Not like this."

And then, softer yet: "Told her I knew it was different when I met you."

"You're a good dad," you whisper, your hands braced on his chest.

He inhales slowly over your hair, arms locked around you, as if hanging on is the very thing holding him in place.

"Just. I don't want her to get hurt."

You nod against his chest. "She may. But she'll come to you when she does. And then you can kick that boy’s ass."

And that, both of you know, is more than either of you could ever hope for.

[mmkkzz]

𝐌𝐲 𝐁𝐚𝐛𝐲 || 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐂𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐨 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

summary_ Right after Lucy breaks up with Harry, he is left with an extra ticket to Iceland, so he invites the most unexpected person to go with him: you, Lucy’s sister. Only to return to New York and learn that he knocked you up.

warnings_ age gap (unspecified), spoilers for the movie, pregnancy, angst, they fuck and then it’s slowburn, fluff, Lucy and reader kinda have beef (but they love each other), NO PROOFREAD, BEWARE (I’ll edit grammar and blah blah later okay?)

Notes_ just please listen in order while reading:

1. Relationships

2. So Close

3. Guess You Could Say I’m In Love

4. My Baby (Got Nothing At All)

♫ ♪ the worst playlist 4 Pedro

✰ Index (+ fics here)

୨ৎ───୨ৎ───୨ৎ───୨ৎ───୨ৎ

It was the perfect night of extremely late spring, when it was not cold anymore but you still needed a light jacket. You had been out, leaning against the railing of a bar, smoking and looking at the passing city.

You heard the door opening and when you turned to look over your shoulder, you spotted Harry: your sister’s new boyfriend.

He also noticed you and barely smiled at you before walking closer. He was on a phone call, something about a meeting and appointment.

“Work call?” you asked after he hung up.

“Yeah. Lucy didn’t mind” Harry said and you allowed yourself to groan and roll your eyes at his words.

“Let me guess. She was talking with John?” you asked, and Harry seemed embarrassed, but he disguised it so well that he nodded.

“That woman is all talk-talk and no moves”

“I guess you’re her-“

“Lucy is my sister” you revealed to the man. “Well, my half-sister”

“I see, and… Why do you say that? About her?” He asked, making you sigh.

“You’re dating her. I don’t want to spoil your relationship” Harry chuckled, he stepped closer, also leaning on the railing like you.

“Swear I won’t tell…”

“Pinky promise?” You offered your pinky finger and he twirled his around yours. You spotted his gold ring and you finally confirmed that he was actually very rich.

“Pinky promise” he swore.

“Lucy claims she wants to secure a partner with money rather than loving them. But I know she yearns for sickening love”

Harry as the smart man you knew he was, understood quickly. Didn’t say anything, but you knew he would start thinking about your words eventually.

“What about you, kid? Do you want sickening love?” He asked and you crossed your arms, looking down at your boots.

“I once experienced it, as a teenager. But now… Not so sure. I don’t know if I have it in me anymore”

“We find it…”

“Childish” you finished for him.

Both of you smiled at each other.

…

You weren’t sure if it was a good or a bad thing that NYU hired you to be an advisor just weeks before the spring semester was over. With so much free time, you found yourself going to dance classes for adults and getting a volunteer job at your local library.

It was early in the morning when you had just finished getting ready to go to the library when your phone vibrated.

An unidentified number appeared on the screen and you debated whether to answer or not. You decided to pick it up, since it could be related to work.

“Hello?”

“It’s Harry…”

You frowned confused. Why was your sister’s boyfriend calling you? You had barely spoken to him before and after the night at the bar.

“Harry, hi. How did you get my number?”

“Your number is on the staff members list of NYU” he said and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Right. Well, How can I help you, dear?” You had no idea why he was calling. Lucy and you weren’t as close as it appeared.

She was the big sister and since your father preferred your mother before hers, it was not a secret in the family that you slowly became the priority.

You had just finished college unlike Lucy, who was a dropout. You barely had ex-boyfriends and couldn’t care less about dating, compared to her.

“I know this might sound weird…” he started, making you press the cell phone harder against your ear and cheek. “Lucy just broke up with me and we were supposed to take a flight to Iceland in the evening. And… She’s gone. I have this extra ticket and since you two have the same last name- I thought…”

You stopped listening to whatever he kept saying. Only focusing on the first part.

What would you do in Iceland with your sister’s ex-boyfriend? You didn’t know.

Then you thought about Harry himself. You barely knew him, he was wealthy, and apparently perfect according to Lucy.

Wouldn’t he prefer to take a model or fitness queen with him? And beyond that, Did he tolerate you enough to invite you?

“Harry, Are you sure? Cause-“

“Please, say yes. I can get you a room of your own and-“

“Perfect. I’ll send my driver to pick you up at 4:00. In the meantime I’ll put your name on the ticket” Harry said with evident optimism. “You have a passport, Right?”

“Yes, I have a passport” you confirmed with a smile.

“Great, I’ll see you later, kid” and he hung up.

You sighed, confused, happy, and overwhelmed. You weren’t sure why you said yes, you weren’t even sure if you completely liked Harry and you definitely weren’t telling anyone.

You went to grab your passport with the fear of finding it wasn’t expired. And when you saw it was all under control, you smiled.

It was a trip to the unknown. But you weren’t scared. In fact, you were curious about knowing better Harry and why Lucy broke up with him.

…

He was actually perfect. Harry went straight to see if the luxurious hotel in Reykjavík could give him another room for you. To his dismay, nothing could be done, but you assured him it was okay.

Sharing the same bed was not an issue. Not when the bed itself was bigger than any bed you had seen before.

He booked a private trip to walk inside a volcano and then, he rented a private spot in the Blue Lagoon, where hundreds of tourists waited to get a relaxing time in the waters but you two passed through all of them like nothing, as if Harry owned the place.

It was a medium-sized pool with amazing views of the mountains covered in green fawn and the gloominess of the surrounding water. You felt like a child, like a Nordic mermaid.

Harry had been nice, giving you hundreds of compliments and sharing light talk. He was very handsome, you noticed when he entered the pool. He had two scars in his thighs and you wanted to ask about it but you didn’t want to make him feel awkward. His wet hair made him look younger, but his fit appearance did all the work.

And as you enjoyed the feeling of swimming and basically savoring the water, Harry could only eye you with curiosity. And you wondered if he was noticing how childish you could be.

“I’m sorry. It’s just that I love the water” you admitted, finally taking a seat instead of remaining wandering. Your cheeks disgusting the embarrassment as they already were red from the vapor of the waters.

Harry only offered you a brief smile.

“I don’t mind that you’re enjoying this”

“I never thought of visiting Iceland before” you admitted, looking at the portrait views of the place. “I’m ignorant of much of the beauty the world has to offer”

“Where do you want to go? Paris?” You chuckle, shaking your head.

“I mean of course I want to go to Paris but I’ve always had a thing for Italy and Japan” you admitted. “And lately I’ve thought about how much I’d like to go to Malaysia”

“Malaysia?” Harry asked with genuine interest as you nodded.

“Yes, it’s perfect”

“I never thought about it” you shrug at the man sitting across from you.

“I can’t believe Lucy wasted the opportunity to experience something like this…” you said and Harry seemed to get thoughtful. He turned away from you, his arms leaning on the rocks and looking at the biggest mountain in the place.

“You were right…” he said taking you by surprise.

“I was?” You asked with shyness, thinking maybe you’d gone too far.

“Yeah, about her wanting sickening love…” you didn’t know if it was correct to ask for more details, but Harry spared you the silence. “I can’t love so easily, I just want companionship and stop hearing my mother that she wants me to marry”

“Then find someone who also just wants companionship. No actual love and pointless sweet nothings” you said taking a place beside him, feeling your muscles relaxing thanks to the water.

Harry turned to his left to eye you. He smiled and chuckled.

“You’d make a hell of a good wife for my mother” You shook your head, chuckling as well.

“Oh my god, Why?”

“She and my dad have a chunky age gap. She always tells me to date younger women…”

“Well, most relationships with age gaps don’t work well. But there are somewhere… the relationship sticks” you started, trying to choose the right words. “I hope that yours sticks too”

Both of you smiled at each other.

…

The dinner was great. You were surprised at how great you got along Harry. He was older and had more experience in every single aspect but he listened to your stupid bullshit and followed along. Just like you listened and asked about his stuff. It was like actually befriending someone. But in the middle of a Scandinavian five-star dinner and Vínarbrauð for dessert.

Then both of you wished good night to each other and went to bed. He never made you feel awkward or obligated to do anything and you loved it.

But you couldn’t sleep. Harry had been rolling over the bed for hours. You didn’t mind, but you grew curious as to why the sun was still up. Until you are seated on the floor, looking at the balcony and you remember it was a time of the phenomenon called Midnight Sun. The sun barely set over the horizon.

The sky looked red, purple orange, and with hints of magenta, with the rest almost completely dark. You couldn’t recall a sunset as beautiful as that one in Iceland.

“Can’t sleep?” Harry asked, startling you.

“You scared me, shit. But… No, for some reason, I cannot”

“Jet lag. I can’t sleep either”

His dark grey pajama pants and black t-shirt made him look cozy, even worthy of cuddles, but as the non-love person he was, you knew that’d be hardly a reality.

“We can postpone tomorrow’s agenda”

“No, I’m fine. You planned out everything already, I can’t make you cancel or postpone….” Maybe you sounded a little too hysterical, but you felt slightly entitled to enjoy everything Harry had planned for the trip. Even if it was meant to be for your sister.

Anyone would’ve said it was morally wrong and imprudent to accept the trip invitation. But… Why not? Harry was great and he wanted company. You thought he offered the ticket to you because it was cheaper to change first names and leave the same last name.

“You can say no, y/n. The fact that I have you here with me doesn’t mean you have to accept everything I planned” Harry said with a kind smile. One that made you realize he was a really good person.

Perhaps Lucy was right: he was perfect.

“You’re far too kind, Harry. I swear I’m insisting because I want to enjoy this trip” You lied in the slightest, but Harry didn’t seem to notice.

“Good girl,” he said patting your head and you playfully yanked his hand.

“I’m not a dog, man” Both of you chuckle until there are those smiles again.

Since that night in the bar, you felt some peace when that exchange of smiles happened. And you felt it again in that hotel, in Iceland.

“Maybe it was meant to happen this way” Harry said looking at the still Midnight Sun. “To have you here and not Lucy…”

“Could be destiny telling you to have a female younger friend”

“Or you just wanted to save money on the extra ticket” Upon hearing your words, Harry started cackling, which made you smile confused.

“You think I did it to save money?” You nodded and he kept laughing.

“I knew you were rich but no this reach”

“That gives me more points, right?” Then you cackled, patting his knee.

“You seriously have been brainwashed”

“Why so?”

“This thing about dating being a business” you said with a slightly frustrated tone. “It’s all total bullshit, just find someone who you enjoy spending time with, don’t cheat on them, and call it a day”

“So if I wasn’t rich, Would I still be a fair option for you?” Harry asked.

“You’re good-looking. Despite being older than me, you’re hot so… That’s a good start for me, so yes”

“What about being shorter?”

“Why? You had the limb lengthening surgery?” You asked and he remained quiet, looking at you deeply in the eye. So you started cackling again.

“For real?” Slowly, he nodded with genuine shyness.

“Oh my god. If you were my boyfriend, this where I kiss your cheeks, tell you I don’t give a fuck but make fun of it for the rest of our time together”

Harry only glared at you with a little smile. The faint light of the room is getting brighter as the sun would soon start to rise again. But Harry thought you looked radiant, with no makeup or trying to make yourself look desirable. At one moment he thought he would regret taking you with him. But he was glad since you were good company.

“That’s it. Now you know my darkest secret, now you’re entitled to be my friend forever” he joked, so you offered your hand.

“Friends forever, then…” you said, shaking his big and warm hand.

He didn’t let go of your hand at first. And when he did, his fingers passed to caress your cheek, testing the skin of it. It took you by surprise, but you found yourself leaning closer to him.

As he started to lean as well, you thought twice if it was a good idea. But there wasn’t much to think about when you already had Harry’s lips on yours.

By the way, his lips tried to take complete control, you understood that Harry was a dominant lover. He wanted the power of giving pleasure and when you started to feel his weight pushing you backward, you also understood he was more interested in your release rather than his.

“Harry…” you whispered before leaning backward completely.

“Should we stop?” He says on your lips, his hands stopping their movements in your hips.

You instantly missed the way his thumbs caressed your hip bones, the ache between your legs growing at a desperate speed.

You finally got on your back, your right hand barely touching his chin. His beard tickled you and when he accidentally moved his head, you touched his lips, so you pushed him, urging him to kiss you again.

“Do you have condoms?” You asked, trying to articulate coherent words as Harry pushed your shorts aside, quickly feeling how you weren’t wearing any underwear. He gasped and gave your wet lips a soft pat before nodding as you moaned for the first time in the night.

“Yeah, in one of my bags” you nodded back, trying to focus on getting the protection first. But dear lord, his fingers rubbed you so well, expertly gathering your crystal clear juices and making a wet mess in your clit. Your legs opened wider by instinct.

“Go and get the damn condom before I start getting wetter and needier” he smirked and when you thought he was going for the condoms, he slid two of his clean fingers in your mouth.

“I think, you come first and then I get the condoms” It shouldn’t have turned you on how bossy he sounded. You were pretty boring when it came to sex, but… What were you seeing in Harry that he was making you feel so aroused?

“Now, suck my fingers while I use the rest on your pretty cunt” You moaned in his fingers and closed your eyes when he started fingering you. All the time comes to remember the damn condoms.

It was safe to say that neither of you remembered the booked whale sighting tour for the next morning.

…

Was Harry your friend, friend with benefits, lover? You couldn’t tell.

Iceland was a dream. It made you feel sad to return to New York. But as the days passed, you quickly got back to your old routine and self. You remember your life was also great with no man sleeping by your side, dealing with debts, and not having five-course meals.

Until he called. Exactly two weeks after returning home.

“Am I talking with the most optimist woman in New York?” You smiled, remembering how Harry started saying you were too optimistic while trying different things in Iceland. Or when things got a little rocky after visiting a melting glacier.

“I believe that optimistic woman stayed in Iceland, sir” he chuckled and it made you smile wider.

“I should’ve called sooner, but I was so busy. How are you, kid?”

“It’s okay, I get it. I’m fine and you? How is job and life going?”

“Things are fine. Things are fine…” he repeated.

There’s a comforting silence for a couple of seconds. You heard the birds near your window and the sound of traffic down the block.

“So… We should see each other one of these days” you felt your heart pounding, fluttering, and sending shockwaves through your body. The same thing that happened with people who made you happy. You couldn’t tell but you really wanted to befriend Harry.

“Yeah, we should hang out or something” you agreed quickly.

“Great, I will call you soon…”

“I’ll be waiting. And Harry?”

“Yes, darling?’

“Thank you for everything”

“You thanked each day. I know…”

You hung up with a big big big smile.

…

Three weeks later, life inverted, in the most twisted and unexpected way.

You had declined each call from Harry Castillo, you were with a confectioner to get a dress for Lucy’s wedding with John. And you were six weeks pregnant.

It all started the weekend after Harry called. You have a cozy Saturday alone at your apartment and decided to have wine. It tasted great but you felt odd. And the next morning, the nauseous feeling started.

Two negative pregnancy tests later, you still felt sick. So you started ignoring Harry until you knew with certain details if you were pregnant or not.

Turns out you were, you needed thousands of vitamins to have a healthy pregnancy and apparently a husband or at least a boyfriend. You didn’t know what to do.

You didn’t even know if Harry deserved to know.

In Iceland, you saw how he placed the condom each time he was about to fuck you. Each time he trusted you, you wished he wasn’t wearing a condom so you could feel better that delicious vein his cock had. What was the point then?

It didn’t make sense. But there was a creature that didn’t even look like a fetus yet inside your womb.

When Lucy came to your place with the news that she was getting married to John, you genuinely felt happy for her. But even better for John because you knew him since you were a teenager and he was a great man, only that he needed to get a better job.

Lucy asked you to be her bridesmaid and you couldn’t say no. Because for the first time, you felt light while being with her, you couldn’t ruin things. So you didn’t tell her you were pregnant.

And horror of horrors, the day of the wedding, when you were ready with your bridesmaid grey dress while trying to get a cab, you found Harry leaning against a ridiculously expensive car, his driver ready to any command of his.

The color in your face drained. You gripped your purse tightly. He was wearing a suit and looked sad.

“You look very pretty” was the first thing he said, almost making your eyes grow wet.

“Harry…” you said.

“I called…”

“I know” you admitted with shame.

“Then why you didn’t answer any of my calls?”

“I’ve been sick” his expression changed, from dissatisfaction to worried.

“What? Are you okay? Is it serious?”

“No, uh… anemic breakdown and a meltdown combined” It wasn’t a complete lie. You were anemic and you had a meltdown. You were only skipping the part of Harry’s child growing inside you.

“I’m truly sorry. I know it was stupid but-“

“Hey, it’s okay. But you worried me, next time you tell me. Talk to me, I can’t cook but I’ll try and I can get you the best medicine”

Your eyes finally grew wet, but you swallowed the lump in your throat.

“I wish I could hug you right now”

“You can hug me, I don’t like love, but I’m human, dear”

You crashed into his arms and called it pregnancy hormones, but you kept holding Harry so dearly that you forgot about so many things while doing so. Except that, you felt worse for keeping the most important thing from him.

“We’re good then. And why are you so nicely dressed, little lady?” The nickname made you punch his arm as he made you spin around once to pay attention to your dress.

“Lucy is getting married” you revealed.

Harry couldn’t hide his shock.

“Really? With that actor?” He asked with pure curiosity. “What was his name? Uh-“

“John…” you told him and he nodded. “They’ll have a communal wedding and I’m the bridesmaid”

Harry subtly looked up and down at you, he was relieved to hear that you were not actually avoiding him. It was so weird that he was actually interested in you when he never pursued young women.

And it felt even better to not really care about Lucy’s love life.

“Can I take you to the wedding then?” He asked with a gorgeous spark in his eyes.

You weren’t sure if it was the best idea, but you couldn’t say no at that moment.

“Yes, you can” Then he opened the door of his car for you and the ride was comforting. You easily avoided sharing too many details about your sickness with Harry, but it didn’t mean you weren’t slowly feeling anxious about the whole issue.

When he dropped you at the place, you just couldn’t tell Harry to leave.

“We are going to have a little party at Lucy’s mother’s place upstate after the wedding. Do you want to come?” You asked feeling shy and small. He could’ve easily rejected you but he only smirked and started walking you toward the entrance, offering his arm,

“If Lucy and John have no problem. Then yes…”

“I hope not…’ but you knew it could get a little awkward.

And so it did, the moment Lucy appeared in a simple but beautiful wedding gown along with John, the smiles dropped when they looked at Harry.

“What did I miss?” She asked as she hugged you briefly.

“Uh, I wanted to say it sooner. But we’re…” In fact, you were clueless about your status with Harry. But soon he answered for you.

“We’re seeing each other,” Harry said, gently squeezing your arm. It took you by surprise and a little smile appeared on your face.

“She’s barely out of college” Lucy commented, sounding a little too judgemental.

“I know, she works at NYU” Harry answered, not feeling threatened at all.

So cynical, but polite and confident. That was Harry trying to not let the tension escalate between him and Lucy.

“And that’s great. If they get along, that’s also great. Right, Lucy?” John also tries to lighten the mood.

As Lucy was still eyeing Harry, you started to feel nervous. So John, took you by the arm.

“Hey, y/n. Why don’t you pick our seats?” You nodded immediately, but you didn’t want to let go of Harry, until you looked up at him and he offered a warm smile with a tilt, urging you to go with John.

“If you break her heart-“ Lucy starts, pointing at Harry with defiance.

“You know I won’t” he interrupted her.

And the truth was that Harry had so many points in his favor.

“Fine, go and sit with her”

…

It was a beautiful and humble party in a modest house. You remembered a few Christmass spent at that house: blue with white facades and too many flowers.

You forgot about a lot of Lucy’s family, and seeing them again was nice. She genuinely looked happy and relaxed. You knew she quit her job as a matchmaker and was trying to simply help plan weddings.

And it resulted in curious how hers was so light, classic, and homely.

Harry seemed to get along with the party, you wondered if he would feel like an outcast since it wasn’t a luxurious wedding, and it surprised you that he embraced humility as if he wasn’t part of the richest families in New York.

“So… you and Harry?” Lucy asked as soon as she appeared to take a seat beside you.

You sighed, nodding while watching Harry dancing with Lucy’s grandmother.

“I mean, I don’t know if we’re a thing but… is something”

“How couldn’t you tell me?” It was unsure if she was just curious or resented, but you wished it was just doubt and shock.

“I- I don’t know, it just happened”

“You’re aware that he’s older, avoidant and dominant. Right?”

“Lucy, I’m well aware of that. It’s not like I’m marrying him” Suddenly you felt irritated by his accusing tone. And you didn’t want to fight but as she kept bombarding you with comments, you started feeling anxious.

“Oh, you would. With all the materialist things he can get you. You’d hardly be willing to leave him…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lucy finally snapped out of it, she realized she was getting on your nerves.

“You can never be happy for me, it’s always judge and judge and judge. My god, Lucy, just let me live the way I want!”

“…y/n” Lucy grabbed your hand, placing the free one on your cheek.

“You’re pale. Are you okay?” She asked with worry.

At that moment you realized your hands were turning numb, your vision was getting blurred and you could only hear a pitch, Lucy’s voice sounding distant.

Then nausea started its way through your chest and throat.

“My blood pressure is dropping”

Lucy yelled, calling for John.

Lucy’s mother, John, and Harry gathered around you.

You couldn’t see well but you knew Harry was right there, telling you to breathe and asking for water for you.

“Is she sick?” John asked, fanning you.

“Maybe she’s dehydrated” Lucy commented, debating whether to call for an ambulance.

You looked very pale and you couldn’t even lift your hands anymore.

“Dear, Are you pregnant?” Lucy’s mother asked you with a relaxed voice.

You distantly heard her and started nodding.

“You got my sister pregnant?” Lucy started screaming at Harry. John was trying to calm her and the rest of the guests were looking at each other in confusion.

“Harry, get her inside the house, please” Lucy’s mother had always been nice to you, despite not getting along with yours, she was always kind and soft-spoken to you.

You barely felt Harry carrying you all the way from the backyard to the living room of the house.

…

The sound of water being poured finally made a return to reality.

Harry handed you a cold glass of water and you thanked him.

“Do you feel a little better?” you only nodded, looking for any sign of anger from him. But Harry looked calm, he got on his knees, facing you and looking so deeply into your eye that sent shivers through your spine.

“Is it true? You’re actually pregnant and is mine?”

“I- Yes…” you admitted, lowering your head.

‘And you weren’t going to tell me?”

“I wasn’t sure. I don’t even know if I’m having it…”

“How far are you?” His eyes felt heavy on your still flat stomach, with no specific emotion on his face.

“About six weeks…” the air felt thicker but not suffocating.

Harry remained calm, making it harder for you to understand what he was feeling.

“Harry, I don’t want to ruin anything. I really like you and I enjoy your company. This was an accident…”

“A one-of-a-kind accident,” he said, and his attempts to joke, made you feel less stressed out.

The condoms were fine. But he didn’t doubt some had a defect. That’s why only dated women who were on birth control. But… he couldn’t judge you, you were in your right to stay out of it. In fact, Harry admired you for opposing it, but it came with a great cost. And for some reason, he couldn’t be angry.

He was not getting any younger, his mother would hate the idea of him getting a woman pregnant before putting a ring on her finger. But he liked the idea.

“I’ll respect whatever you choose to do. But I’d like you to keep it, let’s have a kid. I promise we’re going to be fine”

Finally, you felt like you could breathe again. Not really because you desired to become a mom. Or because you wanted to tie Harry to you. But because now you had an answer. It was your time to choose.

“Are you sure?” You asked leaning forward, very few inches of distance between you and Harry.

“Yeah, I am,” he said before caressing your cheek. “I’m going to take care of you so well, darling”

Lucy saw the exchange from afar, from the sprint door his mother had in the kitchen. She found herself smiling. And accepting her maths was once again wrong. You and Harry Castillo made a match.

…

[ First Trimester]

The whole place smelled like chicken broth. You were drinking hot hibiscus tea while flipping through a fashion magazine.

“Holy fuck…” you heard from the kitchen. At first, it startled you but then, you started chuckling.

“Are you okay there?”

“Everything is fine, sweetheart”

Harry was attempting to cook for you. You were three months pregnant, he was coming at least three times per week to see you. But when you faced a whole entire week of nausea and vomiting, he stayed the whole week.

Slowly, you were getting used to having him in your life. The only bad thing was that you two had never defined the relationship. And you weren’t desperate to do so, but it was odd whenever an old lady asked if you were Harry’s wife.

“Dinner is ready…” Harry announced.

You made it to the kitchen and he had placed two bowls of chicken broth along with cranberry juice glasses. You stared at the scene in awe.

“We can order delivery if you don’t like it”

“No! Harry, don’t! It smells great!” you reassured him, caressing his hand.

He would never pressure you. But as Harry saw you slurping at the soup and engaging in whatever conversation he brought up, he wanted to make you consider marriage.

He was growing too comfortable with you.

He wasn’t in love and doubted he’d ever be. But felt nice, having a couple without a facade.

…

[ Second Trimester ]

Hospitals made you uneasy. Not even clinics were as terrifying as big white sanitizer-smelling hospitals. But there you were leaning in a cold bed with Harry sitting beside you.

It was the fifth-month appointment and so far, everything seemed to be going well. The nausea stopped and so the hormones became overproduced. You started staying some days at Harry’s penthouse and he got you a full maternity lingerie wardrobe to wear for him. It was silly, but you two had so much fun despite not being an ordinary couple. The relationship was still undefined, but it was too good, so you avoided the subject as much as he did.

“Alright, parents. Are we ready to know the sex of the baby? Or would you like to print the results?” The nice old doctor asked.

Harry and you exchanged looks before smiling at each other, nodding at the same time.

“We’d like to know now…” you said at the doctor. She was one of the best in New York and Harry easily got you an appointment with her during the second month of the pregnancy.

“Alright then… Let’s see” the cold gel in your womb almost made you squirm. But the warm touch of Harry’s hand on your shoulder relaxed you.

Through the echography, you start to see faint parts of the baby’s body. The head, what seemed like an arm and leg, and then… you squeezed Harry’s hand.

“It’s a girl, congratulations!” The doctor yelled. “I’ll go print some pictures and then I’m back to clean your belly.

You smiled again, and then Harry leaned closer, kissing your cheek.

“You heard that, baby? We’re having a girl…” Harry whispered in your ear, making you blush and caress his knuckles.

You were becoming addicted to him. But you knew it had to be the pregnancy playing with your emotions.

…

[ Third Trimester ]

Charlotte; Harry’s sister-in-law offered and insisted on throwing you a baby shower. You couldn’t say no, but you warned her how you wanted to be a casual party with no storks and sandwiches and games.

And it worked out.

She rented a rooftop that felt like a dream despite not being too ostentatious. There was pink everywhere, but it wasn’t blinding. People congratulated you and Harry and constantly asked if you two would get married. Others are reserved to compliment your outfit. You picked a sundress with comfortable heels, curled hair, and orange makeup. Your belly popped out weeks ago, and by the time of the baby shower, you were seven months pregnant.

And you were scared. Not because your due date was approaching, but because you were utterly in love with the father of your baby.

The sickening love knocked at your door and didn’t seem to want to leave.

Harry looked gorgeous as ever, he was in dress pants in sand color with a salmon pink shirt. He was proud of being babygirl father-to-be. And that was one of the many reasons that made you feel like you couldn’t live without him.

The cake was cut and some guests had already left, but there was a song from The Ronettes that Harry and you loved, so he asked if you wanted to dance with him.

“Charlotte outdid herself with this shower” you commented while placing your head on Harry’s chest.

“She did. Everything was nice…”

“Pink suits you” you dared to tell him, which made him laugh.

“Really? I never wear pink. But I’m getting used to it” his comment made your heart flutter.

“Same for me” you admitted.

“Be for real, baby. Everything fits you…”

“Even this bump between us?” The hand on your shoulder came to rest on your belly.

“That only makes it more special” Your smile was overflowing.

And just when he said that the baby kicked.

Harry felt it and sighed in disbelief. He couldn’t believe he was going to ask Lucy to marry him.

After you, nothing would ever top the feeling of having a woman like you in his life. And to your luck, he was also scared to be falling in love with you.

…

You were late. Harry was about to call you to see if everything was okay, and then you knocked on his door.

“Why are you sweating so much?” Harry asked upon opening the door.

“I came all the way here from my place walking?” you revealed and Harry huffed in disbelief.

“Are you insane? Why would you do that? You’re pregnant, y/n!” Harry pushed you inside his penthouse.

“Harry, I’m being too lazy, I can’t even hit my usual gym routine anymore”

“You’re insane. My baby girl must be so tired” You grew accustomed to having him kissing your bump whenever you two reunited after days of not seeing each other.

“Your baby girl was screaming, begging for a trip”

“When she’s at least four months old, I’m taking my girls to Malaysia like you always wanted” You wanted to rip your heart out and stop seeing him as the most perfect human being.

You wanted to scream you loved him. But you weren’t sure if Harry broke his boundaries like you did.

“You don’t have to…”

“I want to. You deserve it” Slowly, he dragged you to the kitchen, showing you delivery food bags and a pizza box.

“Now, we’re going to clean you up a little bit and then we’ll have a nice dinner and then watch those horror cases you like to see” he started kissing your neck, aiming at your melting point, you gasped, immediately getting turned on.

“Are you sure getting me cleaned is the first thing we’ll do?” Harry chucked, spinning you to kiss you on the lips.

“I can clean you and have a nice time with you at the same time, doll” It was a promise. He washed your hair and then gave you your head. Great communication, promising goals, nice sex. Harry was able to give you the world even if you ignored his money.

…

The moment you felt the bed wet, you got so embarrassed that you almost cried. But soon you started feeling contractions. The pain is ten times worse than the darkest periods of a year.

You looked at the clock and it was 5:00 am, Harry soon was awake as well.

“Are you okay?” He asked, yawning before sitting to take a better look at you.

You wanted to answer, but you let out a big moan of pain.

“No… I think she’s coming today, Harry” he stood up only to come around the bed and sit beside you. “Harry, it hurts too much!”

“Hey hey, baby. Look at me please” You struggle, but you do as he says. “Breathe, just like in the courses we took. Breathe…”

Trying to find some peace, you sigh, holding his hands and expecting the pain to pass.

“You can do this. You will bring our babygirl today and it’s going to be fine” You start nodding with tears threatening to spill from your eyes.

It’s too much happening at the same time. But there is your Harry holding onto you and urging you to keep going at the same time.

You need to tell him. To say-

“I love you” both of you say at the same time.

…

June, June, June, June…

That was all you could say. Over and over again. Ever since you woke up, she was already dressed in a pink onesie with an embroidered duck and gloves covering her tiny hands.

She had a head full of golden hair and had the same kind of eyes as Harry. She was born in the evening and smelled so unique that made you kiss her temple over and over again.

The moment you pushed her out of your body, you fell asleep and the rest of the day was blurry.

“She’s perfect. Isn’t she?” You asked the following morning. Harry hugged you from behind, feeling your body covered in bandages.

“And she smells perfect” Harry replied, feeling your body against his. You threatened to get surgery if your body didn’t return to normal after a year of giving birth. But Harry reassured you that he would love you no matter what.

“Here…” Harry offered you an envelope and it made you frown.

June was asleep, her soft breathing making you look at her like being under a spell. But Harry was still your core shaker. You opened the envelope and gasped in surprise.

Three tickets to go to Malaysia in the fall.

“Harry…” before you could speak, he hushed you.

“One thing in exchange…”

“Yes, dear?”

“Marry me” he told you with a big smile on his face.

Your cheeks burnt and you started giggling, only to end up crashing in his arms and kissing him all over his face.

“Sure”

“Sure that’s all you’ll say?”

“What else do you want me to say?” He rolled his eyes and hugged you tightly against his chest.

“God, I love you”

“June and I love you too, Harry” you assured him, hearing his heartbeats.

“So much?”

“Maybe a little too much, baby” you concluded.

_________________________________________

Taglist: @mirandablue1 @hopperbopper @aeriaselle1711 @persiar9 @qtmoonies @isa942572 @luvrrish @chewie-bars @particularlypuppetry @sweetlovepascal @samslvrgirl @holydreamflower @hummusxx @llamaproblem @sydneyandioop @gretagergwigsmuse @callmefroggy10 @withakindheartx @everandforeveryours @qyoongi @umadirectioner @bellatopo25 @dilfs4life69 @inlovewithchrisevans123 @littlemisslovesjpbp @arcticversed @maniac-penguin @destinythepanda

[mmkkzz]

Chapter 16 Intertwined, sewn together

Final chapter of Tragedy at the Miller’s

A/N- We’re on the last chapter!! 😩 I am moving forward past episode 7 using GAME CONTENT SO BEWARE!!

Warning- Fluff, ANGST, swearing, talks of weapons, death and blood, MAJOR SPOILERS for season 2 AND GAME, Remember this is a rewrite not an AU, so the major stuff that happens in the show will happen here :)

Pairing- Joel Miller x daughter!reader (platonic of course :), OC x Fem!reader

Episode- I am using content from the game

————

*14 YEARS AGO*

Here you are, covered in blood, and sitting in the living room of your childhood home with your head hanging low and your knees pressed to your chest.

You then see him walking in so you sit upright, expecting to get in trouble for running off on your own and being found in a room littered with clickers you killed. You meet your uncle's glowering gaze and wait for him to unleash his anger with sharp words, but it’s your 16th birthday, you’re in your childhood home, and you’re looking at him with this…look…so tender and so dull, and so close to breaking that he can't muster of a single sharp word.

Instead, he looks for the sun but finds you looking at him like you would look at your dad when the world was sane; like he is life itself, and in doing so, at that moment, he knows that you’re more intertwined than he thought.

He never let himself admit it. You were never his. You were always Joel’s most precious possession, but now, as you look at him like he’s life itself, you are his. He is a father and you are his daughter, and he knows that what you need is not sharp words, but comfort.

“You came,” you say in a broken whisper and watch him sit beside you.

“Of course,” he retorts right away.

“I’m worth,” your voice breaks and you look down at a picture of you, Sarah, and your dad. “I’m worth something aren’t I?” You ask and once again look at him with the same look as before.

“‘Course,” your uncle quickly reassures you. “You are worth…more than…life,” he trails off in a whisper that you barely hear, but you catch it nonetheless and nod in comprehension.

“I’m…good, aren’t I? I was good wasn’t I? I-I tried. I really did.”

“What do you mean?” He probes.

You wipe your tears away and explain the reasoning behind your questions. “Why did he leave? Why didn’t he come with us? With me?”

Your uncle lets out a deep breath and puts his head back against the couch, but keeps his eyes on you. “I don’t know,” he says. “Sarah’s death. All this…it changed him.”

You nod slowly and press the picture against your chest. “I’ll show him,” you say confidently with tears running down your cheeks. “I’ll show him I don’t need him to survive. I’ll live long. I’ll live a long and good life. Even through all this.”

Your uncle smiles at you with admiration as you look back at the picture with sparks of determination twinkling in your eyes that let him see it.

Maybe because this new dream is all he wants for you, but he sees your future here and there, that long and good life. And he will do anything to make sure you’ll have it.

——

*NOW. SEATTLE*

“Sunny,” Tommy whispers as he sees you laying limply on the ground with blood spilling out from your wound, leading him to think the worst, but hoping he’s not right. Thus, he calls out in another whisper.

“Baby…” he trails off and keeps watching you, hoping you’ll move, but you remain flat on the ground.

“Stop hiding!” Abby sneers, breaking him from his stupor and reminding him where he is, so he looks up and catches Abby pointing her gun at the edge of the desk where Ellie is hiding again thanks to you. She then quickly hits the trigger, but carves a hole on the edge of the dark, closing in on Ellie, but not hitting her, so she starts moving away from him in search of Ellie.

However, this time before she can shoot again, with a shot of adrenaline caused by rage as he looks at the woman who’s brought him nothing but misery, Tommy forces himself on his feet even if his ribs burn, and catches Abby off guard by grabbing her gun and trying to yank it away.

Albeit Abby grips onto the gun with a vice-like grip and accidentally shoots at the air a couple of times as she challenges Tommy for full control of her gun.

Ellie catches the power struggle so she quickly slips away to the auditorium whilst the young bald boy that came with Abby interferes.

“Let her go!” The boy exclaims, and before Tommy knows it, an arrow goes through his thigh, making him yelp and falter, and letting Abby swing her body around to throw Tommy three hard and sharp punches across his face and one on his throat.

Overcome with pain and the inability to catch a breath, Tommy lets go of the gun and falls on his knees, letting Abby and the bald boy chase after Ellie, leaving behind Tommy, Jesse’s lifeless body, and you.

And as much Tommy did care for Jesse, the young man doesn’t even cross his mind, he wants to go after Ellie to help her, but with the arrow pierced in his leg, and his ribs broken or bruised, he’s left invalid. He’s actually succumbed to the thought that he’s going to die, so there’s nothing he can do for Ellie as much as he wants to. You on the other hand.

Once he’s able to catch his breath again, even through his writhing pain, he musters the strength to clutch the ground and drag his body toward you ready to accept death.

However, once he manages to reach you, he realizes that your chest is not still, it’s rising and falling. You’re alive. The bullet just grazed you, leaving your face pampered in blood and you in such a terrifying death-like state, but you’re alive.

You’re alive.

“Oh thank god,” Tommy cries as he lets his forehead fall on yours as he’s overcome with relief.

There have been many close calls. Many times where he feared for your life, but no moment was more terrifying and real than this moment because, for a few minutes, he thought you were really dead. He had already felt the world come crumbling down and accepted death if that’s what fate wanted from him, but your heart is beating, and you’re breathing, so his world is whole again and he forsakes death as he finds meaning in the world again.

If only he could heal you, but he’s still writhing in pain and invalid. He can’t do anything but lay helplessly beside you and wait.

——

*1 YEAR LATER. JACKSON HOLE, WYOMING*

“There. Just there. Put the flowers there.”

Theo rests the flowers next to the mug filled with hot plain black coffee, and just over a patch of dirt where the grass is thinner than the rest because not long ago you buried your dad's watch where it belongs. With him.

“Me,” Theo pats his chest and then points to the hot mug of coffee, making you chuckle.

“Here’s your juice,” you let him know and grab the cup off the ground to pass it over to him.

“Why don’t you tell Grandpa what we’re going to have for breakfast today, hm?” You suggest, making the little boy purse his lips and tap his chin as he thinks for a moment before he blurts.

“Pancakes!” Theo exclaims. “Juice!”

You smile and Apollo lies on his side. “Is that all? How about scrambled eggs? Or fruit?”

Theo grabs his juice and takes a long drink before he leans toward his dad. “No. Juice.”

Apollo scoffs with amusement. “Well then, but don't reach for my fruit when you want some. You stick with your juice.”

Theo clinks his dad's cup of juice and then lets his cup go to grab Apollo’s since he had only taken a sip and Theo's cup wasn’t as full anymore.

“Oh wow,” Apollo mumbles as you giggle. “What about your mama, are you gonna let her have some or are you gonna drink it all yourself.”

Theo exhales deeply before he pushes himself up and approaches you to offer you some. “Juice?”

You grin at your son and take his cup. “Oh well if you’re offerin’.” You say and finish his drink, making his eyes widen and his jaw slowly drop.

“No!” He whines and falls to the ground. “No!”

You sigh and cup his cheek, making him peek over at you and pout.

“Sorry.” You tease with a smile. “Your sibling was thirsty. They told me to drink all of your juice! They said, "Drink all of Teddy’s juice!” You mock in a faux baby voice before you pull your hand away to then surprise him by tickling his tummy.

Theo loses all of his anger and giggles at the action. When you pull your hand away he then crawls to you to try and tickle you, but all he does is wipe his fingers on your belly.

Not like it matters though because you still laugh for him. Which only makes him laugh harder until he hears your stomach growl and stops with horror as he thinks that it’s the five-month-old baby in your belly.

“Oh no. It wants you next.” You tease and quickly throw your arms around him to pull him toward you to press multiple kisses on his cheek to make him believe you’re going to eat him and make him fall into a fit of laughter.

When you pull away and he slowly comes to a stop you interject. “Why don’t you say goodbye to Grandpa and tell him you’ll come back soon?”

Theo turns towards your dad's tombstone and waves. “Bye, Pa!”

You smile and press a tender kiss on his cheek before you let him go to approach your dad's tombstone and pour the coffee out from his mug on the same spot on the ground as always. You then stay crouched in front of the tombstone and whisper. “Bye, Daddy I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You then kiss the top of your fingers and press it on the surface of his tombstone before you get up and join Apollo and Theo by the horses.

“Why don’t you invite your dad over for breakfast?” You tell Apollo as you ascend your horse. “We’re gonna pass by anyway on our way home.”

“Oh, yeah,” Apollo says with a faint smile. “That’d be nice. You might as well invite your uncle and his family over then. We always tend to make more pancakes than we need anyway. I think it’ll be nice. Spontaneous, but nice.”

You nod in agreement. “It’s still early too,” you add. “So I think we should catch them before they eat. Good idea, my love.”

He grins cheekily and shrugs. “Why, thanks babe. It came to me. Just now. Thanks to you actually, so, great idea.”

You flash him a smirk. “Thanks.”

You both share one more smile before you then move on and return to the safety of the town, crossing with no trouble, just gaining more hunger.

You’ll have to invite everyone quickly so you can go home and start breakfast as soon as possible. This new baby has made you eat more and think you'll starve if you're not eating often. You didn't have this problem when you were expecting Theo, the experience with him was different, kinder in a sense, so you try to quickly put the horses away.

When you eventually make it outside you expect to meet up with Apollo and Theo waiting for you, but instead, you’re welcomed with a surprising visitor.

“Ellie!” You exclaim, grabbing her attention before you run over to her with a beaming grin and searching eyes.

Albeit you don’t spot who you’re looking for so your smile falters. “Where’s Dina and the baby?” You ask, making Ellie hesitate to answer, so you look back at her and see that her gaze is lost on the blind eye and the curved scar on the left side of your face that the bullet graze left last year in Seattle. A parting gift if you may.

Ellie always seems to get lost on the scars on your face. Every time without a fault you catch her glancing at them when she visits. At first, it would annoy you mostly because you hated the curved scar and the fact that you couldn’t see out of one eye, but after a while. When you at last got used to your scars, you realized that Ellie only stared out of guilt.

She should realise though that she didn’t force you to try and defend her. You choose to do it, so there’s nothing she should be guilty about. You’ve tried to make her understand multiple times already, but doesn’t seem to get it.

“Ellie,” you press and snap her out of her stupor. “Did Dina and JJ come? Where are they?”

Ellie draws out a small breath before she points towards the gate. “They stayed home…it’s just me,” she says and averts her eyes right away. “I just ran into Apollo and Teddy. Apollo said to tell you that you could head home and get started on breakfast. He’ll take care of the other things.”

You hum and nod in comprehension. “Okay, great, I'm starving. I’m assuming you’re coming over then? We’re makin’ pancakes.”

Ellie nods faintly as she only spares you a glance before she starts following you as you lead the way home, wondering why she came alone when she always travels in a group with Dina and her son, JJ. They’ve been inseparable since Dina had the baby. Wherever one is the other one is not far behind, like a shadow. Which is why it’s odd that Ellie came alone especially since she and Dina live outside of Jackson now. They’re more prone to traveling to town together.

“How come you’re here alone?” You can’t help but wonder, making Ellie finally glance at you for longer than a second.

“Why? Am I not enough for you anymore?”

You scoff. “You are, but it's just odd to see you without Dina and the baby now.”

Ellie laughs breathlessly as if strained and offers you a response. “Dina…didn’t feel like coming. That’s all, so you’re stuck with just me.”

You nudge her. “Well, I don’t mind.”

Ellie offers you a faint smile which also looks strained, so rather than feeling relieved that your curiosity was answered, you’re left more curious and worried.

“How’s JJ?” You ask with a smile.

“Good,” she says and nods. “Yeah, he’s good. Only getting bigger.”

“Good. That’s how it should be.”

You look at her with a smile and a need to share about your own growing bundle of joy, but you hold back on it for now in hopes she’ll be in better spirits later on.

Until then you make it home without much conversation. Ellie makes it hard with her look of doom and gloom. It makes you wonder if she and Dina got into a fight.

What other reason would have her here with such a long frown on her face and a completely distant look that makes her look like she’s miles away rather than next to you.

You almost don’t ask if something's up. You want to let her bring it up because you know she will, but you can’t help it. You get home and while you’re starting breakfast it’s too quiet and tense. You have to probe.

“Okay, what’s up? What’s wrong with you? Why are you here?”

Ellie looks offended. “Do I have to have a reason to come visit alone?”

You shake your head and point the spatula at her. “No, but ever since I saw you I've noticed you carrying this face that’s telling me something’s wrong, so speak before people get here.”

Ellie holds your gaze for a moment before she sighs as she realizes you have her cornered. There’s no more avoiding the subject. Thus she takes just a couple of seconds to herself to exhale deeply and fiddle with her fingers before she parts her lips to speak what’s gnawing at her. “I found Abby.”

You scoff in disbelief and look at her as if she’s joking. “What?” You quip with a smile.

Ellie nods stiffly. “For a couple of months now I've been secretly looking for Abby and finally after months, I know where she is. She’s in California.”

Your amusement completely disappears and you look at her with a deadpanned face, making Ellie that more nervous.

“No, that’s impossible. It could be anyone,” you argue, but Ellie quickly shakes her head and finally there’s a spirit in her that’s been missing since you came across her.

“But it’s not. It’s Abby. She was traveling with a skinny boy with scars on his face. It’s her. She’s in California and I mapped it out. Everything is already planned and packed. If we leave today we can catch up to her in a couple of weeks. It’ll just be us and Tommy.”

“No,” you mutter, but she doesn’t catch your response.

“We could get there even quicker and catch her completely off guard and it’s not like she has a city to hide in. She’s vulnerable. This is our chance—”

“I said no,” you sneer, making her cut off her excited rambling as she hears the tone of your voice.

“What?” She quips as she looks at you confused. “What do you mean no? She escaped last time—”

“No, we barely escaped with our lives last year,” you blurt and turn the stove off in a fury to put all your attention on her. “I lost my ability to see out of one eye. My uncle struggles to walk, Dina got shot in the shoulder and almost got her throat sliced, and you almost died on multiple occasions while Jesse wasn’t so lucky. So no Ellie.”

She shakes her head in disbelief while also looking at you like you offended her. “So it’s that simple huh? Let a year pass by and you forget what she did to your dad?! To Jesse?!”

You shake your head. “No you don’t get to bring up Jesse because this is not who it’s about and you know that, so leave him out of it. This is about you not being able to let revenge go. Let it go, Ellie. You killed Nora, Owen, and Mel. You said you could let Abby go, so please,” you say softer now as you’re begging her. “Please let this go. You’re alive. You have a family. Enjoy your life. Please, you deserve it.”

“And Joel deserved to live just like Abby deserves to die. I won’t get to enjoy my life until I see her dead. If you don’t care, I do and we will do this without you.” She spats, expecting you to be in distress, but you hold her gaze with tears welling in your eyes and determination burning within.

“No.” You spat and shake your head. “You will do this alone. My uncle will not be going with you. He is not risking his life and neither am I, and I assume that’s why Dina is not here either.” You say and swallow thickly as she bats her eyes in disbelief.

“I went to Seattle to help you,” you continue. “I will not go after you to California and I mean that, so don’t be expectin’ anyone to surprise you. If you do this. You do this alone.”

Tears well in Ellie’s eyes and she backs up and nods slowly comprehension. Your heart tears in two, but you mean every word and not only because you’re pregnant, but because you are choosing to be selfish. You’re moving on and you don’t want to die.

“I’m not stopping you,” you add with a quiver in your voice. “If you want to leave, leave, but just tell me this. Is that what he would want?”

Ellie swallows thickly and stands still for a moment before she nods stiffly. “It’s what he deserves…don’t worry though. I don’t need you. I didn’t have you before. I can do just fine without you now.”

Tears slip out of your eyes and you whisper. “There will always be a place in my house for you, so after your revenge has come to an end and you make your way back home…I’ll be here.”

Ellie scoffs and shoves past you to stomp over to her backpack by the entrance. You follow her to the door and tell her one last thing. “I love you, Ellie. Remember that.”

Ellie doesn’t stop, she puts on her backpack and storms away, leaving you stranded at the entrance of your house with tears streaming down your face and a broken heart.

——

*LATER*

“Okay, he also suggested Orpheus,” Apollo shares as he has his ear pressed against your belly. “He was supposedly a legendary musician and poet who could charm both humans and animals with his music.”

You scoff softly and shake your head. “I am not naming my son Orpheus. It’s too complicated. They’ll laugh at him.”

“Yeah, okay then what about Phoebus? Which means bright or pure and it's a name used to refer to the god Apollo.”

You smile faintly and nod. “That’s a lot better,” you whisper in such a breathless way that it catches Apollo’s attention and makes him change the subject.

“I’m sure Ellie will make it.”

You nod. “That’s what I’m hoping for, but I just don’t get why she had to leave. I should be asking why she can’t move on, but I know grief just like I know how it feels like to be abandoned…And even so, seeing her leave hurt just as much as it did when my dad left…” you trail off and Apollo sits up and looks at you with a tender and apologetic look.

“You tried,” Apollo offers consolation. “That’s the best thing you could do. You can’t help her if she doesn’t want to be helped,” he says and cups your cheek to caress your face before he presses a gentle kiss on your forehead.

“She’ll come back. He did,” he assures you, making you smile and nod in comprehension before you touch your belly and add to the grim conversation.

“I’ll have to tell my uncle about Ellie leaving. He’ll probably be upset, but what can he do? He’ll get himself killed with his injured leg slowing him down.”

Apollo nods. “He’ll have to understand this is something Ellie has to do alone,” he says which gets you quite annoyed, but he’s also right.

Nevertheless, a knock raps on the door and Apollo is quick to go answer it, leaving you to be consumed by thoughts of Ellie. There’s no last-minute debate about going, you’re just worried about her life.

Are you doomed to repeat the past and now worry about her just like you worried about your dad?

It seems so…

Alas, you don’t get to worry for too long because the sight of your uncle Tommy trailing behind Dina with her son JJ, surprises you.

“Dina?” You ask with a faint smile as you get off the couch. “Uncle Tommy?”

Said man offers you a strained smile and Dina gives you a tightlipped smile before she approaches you to greet you with a brief embrace before she grabs your arm and grins as she pulls back to look down at your belly hidden behind your baggy sweater.

“How far along?” She asks with a small glint in her eyes.

“5 months,” you let her know. “We were gonna tell ya, I swear. We were just waitin’ for it to reach five months.”

Dina chuckles. “You’re good. I should’ve noticed.”

You shrug. “You’re a busy mom. Maybe next time.” You say and wink at her before you take her baby from her arms to greet him too.

“Hello, little cowboy. You’re gettin’ so big, and lookin’ so much like your dad,” you tell the baby who has no idea what you’re saying. He just enjoys being carried.

“Tea? Cookies?” Apollo offers your guests as they remain standing up. “A seat? I’m sorry we don’t have anything ready.”

“It’s okay,” Dina assures him. “I don’t want anything.”

Your uncle nods after her and adds on. “Yeah, I’m okay too. I'm sorry we dropped in on ya at night. I just needed to come and tell yall somethin’.”

“And I was just visiting him so we came together,” Dina continues after your uncle, letting you immediately assume what this is about.

“Okay,” you roll out and take a seat with JJ in your arms. “Sit then. Please.”

Apollo returns to his spot next to you while both of your guests take a seat across from you, bringing a thick tension into the room. One that neither of them dares to break right away, so you cross that threshold with your assumption.

“Is this about Ellie?”

Dina drops her gaze and your uncle Tommy looks at you slightly surprised.

“She came before breakfast,” you share and make your uncle confused. “Is this what this is about?”

Dina nods and her voice breaks. “Yes. She left at dawn.”

You sigh deeply and your uncle interjects. “She came and you didn’t tell me?” He directs at you, making you rebuttal swiftly.

“Yes. I didn't tell you because you would've just done something stupid and you can't afford doing something stupid. Not with your leg being the way it is.”

Your uncle is caught by surprise, but he can’t deny that you're right so he just nods stiffly as he takes that jab.

“Besides, I didn't want you to go,” you say bluntly. “I couldn't stop her, but I could stop you.”

Your uncle holds your gaze with soft disbelief and you continue trying to explain the reason behind your secrecy.

“We almost lost our lives last time. I don’t want to go through that again and risk losing you. It’s selfish but I’ve lost too much. Besides, Benji and Maria don’t deserve that either. If Ellie wants to take this trip…she has to do it alone. We can’t help her anymore.”

Your uncle draws out a deep breath and adds quietly, “But he would still fight for her. We have to do the same.”

Your breathing staggers but you don’t hesitate. “No. Not this time. Not us. Not anymore. This is her fight. Not ours.”

Your uncle gulps but doesn’t say anything in return. He doesn’t get up abruptly. He just sits there thinking, so you move on and part your lips to offer Dina some consolation and advice, but she interjects first.

“I get that you don’t want to risk your lives for Abby. I don’t either, but you have to try and get her back,” she commands. “She’ll listen to you. Please go get her back,” Dina pleads with her eyes glossy and her fierce command faltering.

“You’re pregnant,” she adds. “But he can go. He has to.”

You swallow thickly and you unshamefully shake your head. “I’m sorry, Dina, but no. My uncle has a hard time walkin’ and I only have one working eye. We went after her to Seattle, but this is one of those trips that we have to be selfish about, remember?”

Dina looks at you and your uncle distraught and in disbelief and as much as she wants to forget what you told her last year. Those words have stuck to her and it’s what kept her from going with Ellie. It’s what keeps her from fighting back.

“I know how you must feel,” you offer her words of comfort. “And I just want to say you did nothing wrong. She still loves you, I know that, and I know that it’s not easy knowing she left, but we can’t help them if they don’t want to be helped. We have to let time mend her broken heart. She’ll find herself again.”

Your uncle nods in agreement and pats her arm as she starts to cry.

“Why don’t you and JJ stay,” Apollo offers the crying girl. “It’s already dark and it’ll do you good to be surrounded by people instead of being all alone so far away.”

With the hope that you’d offer just that, Dina accepts your husband's offer. “Okay,” she mutters. “Thank you.”

You offer her a faint and pitiful smile before you catch your uncle standing from his chair.

“Ima head home now, okay? Goodnight Dina. Goodnight Apollo.” He offers them his goodbye, making you hand the baby to Apollo to be able to see your uncle out.

“I am sorry for not telling you that she came,” you tell him as you walk with him to the door. “And making that decision for you, but we both know when it’s not something is not worth our lives. I gave her a choice and she made it. We have to wait now for her to come back.”

Your uncle keeps his head down before he confesses to you. “Maria and Benji said that the next time I left, it had to be with them and as much as I want my son to be exposed to the world, you suffered so much on the road. I want him to know better…besides, had she come to me, I wouldn't have wanted you to go either.”

You scoff and quip. “What a pair huh?”

You stop by the door and before he opens it he looks back. “She’ll be okay. He was, and everything she knows about survivin’ comes from him, so be assured that she will make it back.”

You look at him feeling reassured and nod in comprehension as if his words were a guarantee.

“You and little Jolene have a good night now,” he says sweetly as he leans in to caress your belly and then press a kiss on your cheek.

“Goodnight Uncle Tommy,” you say back and give his cheek a little peck before you caress his cheek and then pull away.

Your uncle proceeds to open the front door and before he walks out, he adds some last words of comfort. “She’ll be okay. She’s a survivor.”

You draw in a deep breath and nod along. “Yeah. She is,” You agree and watch him walk out before you close the door behind him and stay by the door to whisper to yourself about the same matter.

“She’s a survivor,” you repeat to yourself and leave it at that. There’s no changing your mind. There’s no crying and asking yourself why.

You won’t ever stop worrying, but you have faith she’ll survive just like your dad did, so you make your peace with that faith.

——

*15 YEARS LATER*

Life is beautiful. There are dark times, hard losses, and horror, but if you had given in to your darkest desires and ended your life 16 years ago, you wouldn’t be where you are.

As terrifying as the cordyceps get as they mutate year after year, and little by little, life and the human race are stronger than that. If you had ended your life you wouldn’t live to see Jackson Hole get rid of its walls and trade with settlements nearby, other cities, and even states as you’ve only gained more knowledge on how to kill the infected and gained more control over them instead of living in fear under their reign.

You also definitely wouldn’t have gotten to build your family more beautiful than it was those years ago.

Had someone asked you how you saw your life, you wouldn’t have pictured the life you’re living now because you didn’t picture a thing besides your dad’s embrace and your sister's presence and your need to be amongst them, but now that you’re living your life, you can’t help but count your blessings when you remember those dark times. Every single one of them that you were gifted over the long years of your life.

You know your dad would have loved every aspect of your life and that’s what keeps you trying to make it much more beautiful.

“Okay ready…slow and easy,” you coo before you display a neat trick on horseback. “Just like that. Now you try.”

There, under the evening sun, your 15-year-old daughter graces you with a beaming grin that can warm anyone like a thousand suns.

Your uncle Tommy says whereas your smile can brighten someone's day or an entire dark room, your daughter's smile can warm anyone’s heart, and it couldn’t be more true.

“Like that?” Your daughter asks for reassurance after she attempted to mirror your actions.

“A little sloppy but you got the hang of it,” you praise her as you lean back on your horse. “That’s why…”

“We practice,” she continues for you, making you nod slowly in agreement.

“Well, I will say you’re a much better teacher than Daddy is,” she says, making you smirk smugly.

“Oh, I know.” You giggle. “Poor soul tries his best, but that’s why he’s not the one teachin’ anything.”

Your daughter giggles. “He's good at leading a town, but not teaching. I mean he speaks in technical terms. And I just—None of us get it.” She says and laughs, making you laugh along with her.

“I saw the picture examples,” you bring up, making her laugh harder. “They were very good pictures.”

“I think the best thing is when he does the sound effects,” she adds.

“Yes! Yes!” You exclaim and clap. “He’s like you just gotta ‘fwosh!’ So I gotta give him props for being funny.”

Your daughter smiles brighter and just as she turns away her smile slowly falls and her eyes squint on something behind you.

You peer over your shoulder and in a cloud of dust comes the man you’re talking about as if you summoned him.

“Oh no, he musta heard,” your daughter says and turns her horse to try and stop laughing while you turn to face Apollo with your hand over your eyes to watch him get closer until he finally reaches you and your daughter.

“Hey,” you greet happily.

“Hey,” he says back with a cheeky smile that hides something, but before you can probe about what it is or why he came to you, his attention drifts to your daughter.

“Why are you laughing over there?” He queries, making you smirk down at your reins before you look back at him and brush it off for her.

“We were just gossiping about girl stuff.”

Apollo seems skeptical but he lets it go, letting you press him next. “What brought you over here? Where’s Teddy?”

Apollo sighs and smiles softly at his hands before he meets your gaze. “Tommy is here,” he says, causing a smile to slowly tug on your face.

“Really? Why didn’t he come then? We’re still not done here.”

“He’s brought a visitor,” Apollo continues to share, piquing your curiosity.

“Oh?” You mouth and try to get an answer from Apollo, but you can’t figure out anything out from his smile alone. You just see how incredibly sexy he looks in the evening sun.

Maybe you’re just biased but he’s only gotten sexier the older he gets. He knows that and you’re always proud to tell him.

“Who is it?” Your daughter probes for you, but Apollo doesn’t even give his daughter a hint. He just points back toward the direction your house is in.

“We have to go back to see.” He teases, making you scoff.

“Alright, I’ll bite,” you say and tighten your grip around your reins. “Let’s go then.”

Before Apollo can turn his horse to follow you back home, he addresses his daughter. “Why don’t you finish bringing the animals in? Catch up after.”

“Really?” She asks with enthusiasm as she’s given a taste of independence.

Apollo nods. “You have your gun?” He asks her and she immediately nods so he adds on. “Is it loaded?”

“Yes, Daddy it is,” she assures him quickly so he can hurry and leave with you.

“Remember—”

“Yeah,” she cuts him off. “Leave the animals and go back home if I see anything, but I’ll be fine. We haven’t been alerted of any sightings.”

Apollo scoffs with a small smile decorating his lips. “Alright, alright.”

“Here,” you interject now and take your walkie off your belt loop to throw it at her, making her catch it.

“Just in case,” you add, making her nod rapidly.

After that, with that last piece of reassurance, Apollo finally moves out of his spot and has his horse turn to face the way home.

“And tell Theo not to come! I can do it on my own!” Your daughter lets you both know, making Apollo offer her a comprehensive thumbs up before you head home.

About halfway into your trip back home though, you begin to tease your husband. “Is this just an excuse to steal me away?”

Apollo glances at you and smirks. “I wish it was the case,” he says. “But no. Not this time. Besides, Teddy has also chastised me for leaving him all the work to pursue you.”

You chuckle. “Ah yes, he’s strict. I think he takes after Maria. I get to work with the easier of the two. She’s a lot more flexible and turns a blind eye.”

“We’ll have to trade partners then,” Apollo jokes, making you giggle before you fall back to thinking about what he’s keeping from you.

“So who is it?” You ask. “Is it…Benji? It’s been a while since we’ve seen him.”

Apollo shakes his head and stays being cheeky. “Nope, just wait.”

“Pft. Boo.” You quip and don’t bother wasting your breath asking him to give his surprise away because he won’t break. He likes the rush of seeing you surprised and telling you would only ruin it, or so he says.

Either way, you get nothing from him so you ride on completely clueless and curious. You have half the mind to race him there but you’re also nervous to know so you just keep at a steady pace since he doesn’t seem to be in a rush.

Maybe it’s Dina?

It wouldn’t be much of a surprise considering you see her and JJ often, but it would be nice.

Maybe it’s a present for you?! You’d like that.

Or maybe…well who the fuck knows.

All you do know is that the closer you get home, the more nervous you get. To the point your whole body is tense and you feel like throwing up. When you reach home you grip onto your reins so hard your nails begin to dig into your palms and your heart beats so fast your ribs hurt.

You almost try to leave to rejoin your daughter, but you stay on track and eventually round the corner, seeing her there on your driveway on top of a horse.

You can’t believe it. Your eyes must be deceiving you.

It must be a hallucination…

But it’s not, it’s really her. It’s Ellie.

It’s been so long that you don’t know whether to run up to her or gawk.

She…looks older. Her hair is longer of course. She dons light wrinkles, of course, but it doesn’t make her look old at all.

She also didn’t get taller of course, and she’s still petite.

“Surprise,” Apollo breaks you from your stupor, making you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding before you look at him with a slow-building grin.

“It's Ellie,” he finally reveals teasingly and you just giggle nervously before you look back at Ellie and get off your horse to continue staring. One, because she’s getting off her own horse, and two, because you can’t believe it.

You’ve dreamt of seeing her so many times, but you always pictured the same girl you saw 15 years ago. You clung onto that last image that when you look at her now, 15 years feels like you’ve lived a century without her. It’s like when you saw your dad again after years. You can’t…process what you’re seeing, or who you’re seeing, you just know that you run up to her and grab her shoulders to study her from up close.

Even then, you still can't believe it.

“Hey,” she says in a voice that almost sounds the same, but after 15 years, her voice also gives away her age.

“It's me,” you whisper and continue to share your name, making her scoff in amusement before she nods.

“Yeah, I know,” she says and you laugh nervously again before you can’t help yourself and throw your arms around for an embrace.

“Ellie,” you whisper softly. “It's been so long,” you trail off and can’t help but cry softly before you look over at your aged uncle and catch the tender and loving smile on his face that makes him look like he just achieved a lifelong dream.

“I’m sorry,” she says back as she stands in your embrace with her hands at her sides.

It’s only when you start to pull away that she hugs you back and keeps you against her for a while longer.

Nothing is said between each other this time. You just bask in the moment and let your minds comprehend that the image you had of each other has changed.

To Ellie, you’ve aged gracefully. She’s seen people the same age as you and they look ten years older than they are because of the environment you live in, but you don’t seem to have been touched by any of it. You look good. Happy and full of life with the only painful reminder of a hard life being the light scar below your cloudy blind eye. A wound that stayed with you permanently because of her.

Albeit unlike 15 years ago, this time she can finally look at it without guilt or shame. That's why Ellie looks you in the eyes when you pull back and offers you the same, awkward small smile.

“I’m glad you’re here,” you break the silence, making her breath hitch.

You then raise your hands but have your hands hover over her cheeks as you study her from up close. “You’re old you old fuck,” you tease and finally make a grin spread on her lips.

“Right back at you, and you, Apollo,” she jabs at your husband, making him gasp and touch his chest with disbelief.

You giggle and then glance at your Theo and immediately grow ecstatic. “Ellie!” You exclaim and go over to Theo to grab his arm and pull him toward Ellie. “You remember Teddy don’t you?”

Ellie nods with a smile. “Yeah, Tommy introduced us while we were waiting for you.”

You grin and proudly pat your son's shoulders. “You say hi?”

Theo scoffs. “‘Course.”

“Good. She used to take care of you when you were a baby,” you remind him, making Ellie interject with a sly smile.

“Tommy covered all that and Teddy already laid it on me. Just like Maria did,” she shares making you pass your son a scolding look.

“It’s okay,” Ellie defends him. “I deserved it and he was not as harsh as Maria was.”

You sigh and smack him gently. “Still. He shouldn’t have done it.”

Theo raises his hands and offers Ellie a cheeky smile. “Sorry. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Likewise,” she says and studies Theo for a moment before she looks over at Apollo and smiles wider. “He looks like you. You just have Miller eyes,” she directs back at your son.

“Observant,” he quips and flashes her a warmer smile and becomes nicer. “You’re staying, right? I have some things I need to finish, but I’ll you see later?”

Ellie looks to you and you answer for her. “She’s stayin’ so go on and finish your chores.”

Theo gives Ellie one last smile before he turns away and wraps his arm around your uncle. “Come on old man. Help me with what I’m doing.”

Both men leave and Apollo lingers behind to address Ellie. “It’s nice seeing you, Ellie. You’ve been missed,” he says with a smile before he looks at you. “I’ll let you have a moment to yourselves. Hollar if you need anything. I’ll be inside.”

“Okay, thank you darlin’,” you say and wave at him, earning a wave back and a small air kiss before he walks off and leaves you and Ellie truly alone.

“It’s nice to see you and Apollo are still together,” Ellie says, making you turn to face her again. “I had no doubt about it, but it’s still nice seeing you working together just as before.”

“Well,” you add. “We’ve had our obstacles but yeah, we’re still going strong. I couldn’t imagine my life without him.”

Ellie nods in comprehension so you probe. “You, do you have a partner?”

“Yeah…I do,” she shares, piquing your interest. “We have not gone as long as you and Apollo, but yeah she’s special. She stayed in town to let me have a moment with you.”

“Good,” you tell her proudly. “I’m glad. I was worried that you wouldn’t find someone else after Dina.”

Ellie’s eyebrows furrow and she sighs deeply before she parts her lips. “Well it was hard for a while, but it was not just because of her. For a while, I thought it was, but it was actually just me. My trauma.”

You hum and immediately query with concern. “But you’re happy now?”

Ellie holds your gaze and nods without hesitation. “I am. With time I learned how to be happy again. I wasn’t before. I-I realized that. I was faking so much, but after…after all of it, with time, I,” she pauses and takes a deep breath. “I hurt less and less until the pain was a memory and I could look back at my time with Joel and smile.” She says with tears welled in her eyes.

You nod in comprehension and close the gap again to grab her shoulder with a faint smile. “That’s all I wanted for you. I’m sorry I couldn’t see it. I’m sorry we couldn’t heal together.”

“You tried,” she assures you. “But I was too far gone that I couldn’t truly accept it.”

You look deep into her eyes and laugh softly. “Well look at you, sounding all wise.”

Ellie rolls her eyes but can’t help her smirk. “Yeah well, it’s been 15 years.”

You agree with a click of your tongue before you step back and point at your house. “Wanna head inside? I’ll give you a tour and maybe then you can show me if you still have those guitar skills of yours. I have a nice fire pit in the back. It’s really pretty at this time of day.”

“Yeah.” Ellie nods as she puts her hands on her hips just like she would before. “Sure.”

You smile teasingly before you lead the way inside, showing her every room on the first floor and telling her when you moved, and memories you recall of when you were restoring your house with your family. Eventually, you make it upstairs and she sees the pictures that were at your dad's house all those years ago hanging from your wall now accompanying new ones.

One picture in particular catches her eye because she sees your daughter. The same one Tommy had told her about on the rare occasions they talked.

“You have…a daughter?” Ellie asks as you lead her to the last room just down the hall.

“Yeah,” you let her know with a proud smile. “She’s fifteen. She should be home soon, we were roundin’ up the animals when you got here so she stayed to finish the job. She was eager to do it alone.”

“I remember fifteen," she muses. “I would beg Joel to let me go out on patrol or at least let me go shooting by myself.”

You chuckle. “Yeah, my dad was overly protective. It was a recipe for disaster. That’s why I trust my kids to be able to handle all that. We can’t change our world and I'd doom them if I shielded them.”

Ellie hums. “That's why I turned to you and Tommy to rebel. It’s good your kids don’t have to do that.”

“Tell me about it,” you throw over your shoulder before you open the door to the last room and welcome her to a room that holds the stuff that she left behind in the farmhouse that she once shared with Dina and JJ. And it's all like she remembers it, albeit none of her stuff is old and crumbling. They show signs that they’ve been preserved. Every single thing.

“I meant it,” you mutter as you linger by the door as Ellie makes her way into the warm and bright room—“you’ll always have a place in my house. I love you.”

Ellie stops by the guitar your dad hand-made for her 15th birthday and strums the strings with her fingers, noticing that it’s in perfect tune.

“I guess that answers why this shit is all here,” she mutters as she remains in front of the guitar.

You make your way in and stop when your shadow is cast over her. “I’m sorry I let fifteen years pass. At first, I was hurt that you left. I have my pride and you wounded it by reminding me about the pain I felt when my dad left.”

Ellie hears your shaky words and stands up to face you with her face already expressing shame.

“Because it did hurt,” you confess. “Seeing you leave, but I should have reached out after it passed. Instead, I let you have too much time just like I did with my dad hoping that would please you. I’m sorry.”

Ellie swallows thickly and slowly grabs your hand to assure you. “I’m sorry too. I was too stubborn and ashamed to come back.”

You shake your head and probe. “Ashamed? Why? You didn’t do anything.”

“No I did,” she argues. “I let Abby go. For a long time, I was ashamed to face you knowing I let her go. I left everything behind to go kill her, but I let her go and I couldn’t face anyone knowing that.”

You wrap your hand around hers and offer her a sweet smile. “You did the right thing. Do you know that now?”

Ellie nods, making you smile softly before you continue about something else. “I think we could go on and on about all the things we’re sorry for, so I just want you to know that I want you to still be part of my family. I still love you just as much as I did fifteen years ago.”

Ellie drops her gaze and sniffles before she faces you with her eyes gleaming with tears. “I would like that,” her voice quivers. “I…love you too.”

You smile at her again and then give her a quick embrace before you go and pick up her guitar to hand it to her. “Show me how good you’ve gotten.”

Ellie grabs the guitar and follows you out of the room, but when you reach your guitar in your second living room she speaks up about what she’s been hiding from you. “I can’t play.”

“What?” You retort and look back, catching her showing off her hand that’s missing two fingers. “Oh,” you gasp. “Well with that attitude you’ll sour the mood. Do you know how to play with the other hand?”

She shakes her head so you quip. “Well, there’s your solution.”

Ellie scoffs with a teasing smile and holds the guitar close to her. She’s about to say something else, but then someone comes into the house and approaches the second living room. Expecting Apollo to walk in, Ellie is surprised when she sees your daughter walking in.

“Mama,” your daughter announces her presence, making you beam at her before you rush to her side to grab her shoulders in the same way you grabbed Theo.

“Ellie, this is my daughter, Jolene. Jo-jo, this is Ellie,” you introduce them, making Jolene immediately greet Ellie with a sweet smile as she also extends her hand.

“It’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Ellie shakes Jolene’s hand and smiles at her with slight awe. “You,” she interjects and pauses as if her breath was stolen. “You look just like him.”

Jolene smiles brightly at you before she offers that same smile to Ellie.

“I’m sorry,” Ellie tells your daughter as she stands back. “You just really reminded me of him. Your grandpa.”

“I wish I could’ve met him,” Jolene says. “Everyone speaks so highly of him.”

“Trust me, he would’ve loved to meet you too. He did not mess about Teddy. He would’ve loved you just as much,” Ellie muses as if trying to summon him here.

“That’s good to hear.”

Ellie hums in response and then offers Jolene her guitar. “Do you play?”

Jolene shakes her head. “No, I’m not good at it, you see. Teddy is the musician. Not me. My Mama plays though. She’s good. I like to hear her play.”

“Me too,” Ellie says with a smile whilst Jolene turns to face you with a grin.

“Will you play Mama? I’m done with chores and Daddy says he doesn’t need help in the kitchen.”

“Oh, darlin’ I'm way ahead of you. Come on,” you urge and grab this guitar before you lead the group outside around the fire pit that’s in the middle of your well-cared-for yard decorated by all different kinds of flowers. All of which are precious to you. You make that known before you light the fire pit and start to play.

And just like you said, the backyard is beautiful in the evening as the sun is setting over the horizon, and the fireflies dance along the yard looking like little stars have fallen from the sky to enjoy your music.

Eventually, your son joins you around the fire, and with him comes Maria, and Ellie’s partner after Tommy and Teddy went to pick them up in town.

“Has your ‘Mama’,” Ellie mocks what the kids call you. “Told you who you’re named after?” Ellie asks Theo, making said boy roll his eyes and grumbles.

“Yes. It’s embarrassing.”

Ellie snorts and chuckles while Maria jumps in your defense. “I think it’s cute.”

“Who is he named after?” Ellie's partner asks.

“A character from the book Little Women,” you share proudly. “It’s my favorite book so I named him after a male character from it.”

“Ah. That is cute,” she backs you up which only makes you smile wider.

“Dinners ready!” Apollo announces as he and your uncle finish putting things down on a long table they placed outside. “Come eat!”

Everyone around the fire pit gets up to head to the long table and as Ellie starts to walk away, your daughter Jolene falls by her side.

“You’re staying for dinner right?” She asks her, making Ellie glance at her and be taken back a little by her similarities to your dad.

“Yeah, I am. You and your brother asked the same thing, you know?”

“Well, yeah, we’ve been wanting to meet you,” Jolene tells her sweetly before she catches up to said brother to sit beside him around the table.

“You told the kids about me?” Ellie asks you, so you take your turn to smile sweetly at her.

“‘Course. Almost every day. Just like how I talk to them about Sarah and my dad.”

You smile at her one more time before you part ways to sit at the end of the table next to Apollo and your kids while Ellie takes a seat at the side of the table with her partner, and your uncle and Maria sit on the other end, filling all the chairs that had been put around the table.

There are some people missing from the table. A couple of them won’t ever make it, but you know that one day you will be able to sit with them again.

As for now though, you’re not deprived of a thing. You smile and laugh with your Uncle, Maria, and your kids, Theo and Jolene. You share flirty and affectionate looks with your husband Apollo, and share and listen to stories that Ellie tells or that you and her share, making the moment a happy one. A memorable one, and a dream that you’ve finally got to make true.

.

.

.

.

A/N- I'm sorry it had come to an end, but there was no point in waiting. With that said, thank you, thank you for all the love you give this story and have given it. Thank you to those who came back and those who started following it this year! I truly appreciate every single one of you. Thank you <3

Tagged- @slut-f0r-u @star-wars-lover @maplecohen @givemylovetoall @itzagothamcitysiren @sammy-13 @beloved-reblogger @emiriia @rues-daya @sunfairyy @littleshadow17 @mcu-starwars @bigtuffswordboy @riaqiax @dheet @queenofthekill @joliettes @d4rno @hardbeingcasual @rana030 @pedropascalluvr41 @ahoyyharrington @beaniebeensbaby201 @maeneedsabreak @maelartasch @adristyles @daughterofthequeen @alastorhazbin @sunsumonner @khaylin27 @hypatia93 @hummusxx @v4mpyk1tten @1donoow @your-shifting-gurl @g4ns3y @izzzzy-the-amazing @aphr0d1teh @lovelyygirl8 @ivy-taylorsversion @mmkkzz @avitute @fuckmebobboys @kitdjarin1 @barnes70stark

[mmkkzz]

We’re Terrible Influences

Paring: Avengers Cast (Sebastian Stan, Chris Evans, Anthony Mackie, Scarlett Johanson) x Reader

Summary: Part of the Civil War cast throw a 21st birthday party for you

Warning: drinking, swearing, hints of anxiety, drunk reader, WE GET SAD

A/N: Flufftober Day 4, this was fun

“SURPRISE!!!”

“You have got to be kidding me”

You looked at the three men boys in front of you; Anthony Mackie, Sebastian Stan, and Chris Evans. They had the goofiest smile on their faces, one holding a birthday hat, the other a sash, and a shot glass with clear liquid in it. “I told you guys multiple times I didn’t want a party.”

"We know," Chris said, "and we don't want to force you to do this." he continued. "But it's your 21st birthday, and if you don't get drunk then you are doing it wrong." Sebastian continued. "Actually I'm doing it right because I'm not pushing my body's limits-"

"NOPE! You don't get to be smart tonight. that can continue tomorrow. Tonight you get to have fun and get drunk with your favorite people in the world." Anthony said as he tried to hand you the clear glass.

"I told you no. The only reason I came over was for the birthday movie night we had planned." You said you try to push past the guys. But they weren’t having it and blocked you out.

“What’s going on? Are you nervous or something? Cause we are all very responsible adults.” Chris said as the three men have you the cheesiest thumbs up, making you laugh.

“It’s not that, I promise. I just don’t want to.” You said as you started subconsciously rubbing your thumb over your hand, a telltale sign that you were holding something back.

“No you are doing the thumb thing; what’s on your mind,” Seb said as he took one of your hands and held it. “I don’t know how I’m going to act when I’m drunk.” You said as you felt yourself exhale.

“So?” Chris asked. “So, I don’t want you to see me when I get to that point. I don’t know if I’m going to be happy, giggly, sad, or throwing up over the toilet.” The boys looked at each other before laughing a bit. You slapped each of their chests. “This isn’t funny, plus we have work in the morning. So there is also a valid reason as to why we can’t do this.” Anthony grabbed his phone before showing you a text message from Joe Russo

“Tell Y/n we took her off the call sheet for tomorrow. I don’t want to be emotionally responsible for her not having a 21st birthday party.”

You looked back at the boys as they all looked at you with raised eyebrows. You contemplated for a bit before holding out your pinky. “You promise that no matter how I turn out tonight if I get to that point, you will take care of me and have no judgment?” You said very seriously. They each took a free pinky and wrapped it around yours. “We promise,” Seb said as you all let go. You took a Breathe before reaching for the hat and sash. “Here goes nothing,” you said as you took the glass from Anthony's hand and took the shot. “yeah/Woo/let's go!” The boy said as you handed the glass back and started coughing. “That taste disgusting.” You said.

“You never had a shot before?” Anthony asked as you all walked into the house. It was at Chris’s AirBnB in Atlanta. “I have but I’m still not used to it.” You said as you walked into the living room. You saw that Scarlett was also there.

“Okay birthday girl, what do you want for your first drink?” Seb said ask we walked towards a counter that had tons of liquor, seltzers, juices, and beers on it. “Surprise me.” You said as you looked at Scarlett. She came over and gave you a hug. “Happy Birthday my love, are you ready?” Scarlet said as she fixed the hat on your head. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” You look towards Seb as he walked over with two drinks in hand and gave you one.

“What’s in this?” You said and you sniffed the top. “Vodka and Cranberry, a simple drink,” Sebastian said. You took a sip from it. It wasn’t too bad. “So we doing beer pong, kings cup, what the plan?” You asked.

“We are going to start off with Never have I ever. If you have done it you take a sip, and every 5 sips you take a shot.” Chris said as he brought over the Tito and shot glasses. “That sounds like I’m going to get drunk fast.” You said he placed them down at the table. “Well yeah, that’s the point,” Anthony said.

“Not fair. As the birthday girl, I think after this we need to play a game where everyone has a chance to get a little tipsy.” You said as you sat down on the velvet couch. “Okay, after this we will do truth or dare,” Scarlett said. “Good! Then let’s begin” you said as you took a sip of your drink.

4 hours later (all I will say about what happened is they found out you are not a virgin, you did drunk Karaoke with Seb, and you told them about your crush on a crew member)

“We are terrible influences, aren't we?” Sebastian said to the two friends standing next to him as they looked at you on the couch, drunk out of your mind. You were currently leaning against Scarlett as she was running her hands through your hair. “We are, but that’s our job,” Chris said.

“This was the best night EVER! Why didn’t anyone tell me it was this fun to drink?” You said as you looked at the boys, swaying a little. “I want more; this is Great.” You said as you tried to get up but you barely got off before Scarlett pushed you back down. "nope. you are officially cut off. You are out of it sweetie." Scarlett said as she rubbed your back now.

"Wait you want another shot?" Seb said as looked at the two girls. your eyes lit up like fireworks while Scarlett just gave him a look that could kill. "Please Sebby I want it." You gave him your best puppy eyes. "Of course sweetie. Anything for the birthday girl," he said as he walked back over to the counter. Chris followed after.

"You aren't actually going to give her another shot, right? Cause she is pretty out of it dude." He said as Sebastian grabbed a plastic shot glass. He took it to the sink and filled the shot glass with water as he looked at Chris. "Of course not. But if there is one thing I have learned from...Tom Holland..god I can't believe I said that." he said as Chris laughed. "is that when his friends are drunk, he gives them shots of water if they really want more but can't take more alcohol." he said as they walked back over to you.

"You guys are the bestest friends EVER! like 10 times better than anyone. I love you all so much." you told your friends. "we love you too kiddo. now come on, last shot of the night for the birthday girl!" Anthony said as he and Scarlett help you sit up. Sebastian handed you the shot glass which you took in your grabby hands. "GIMME GIMME GIMME," you said like a kid with cake. you down the water fast as your friends look at you with goofy grins on their faces. You looked at Seb with one of your famous 'death glares'

"You gave me water you bitch." you said in a serious tone. The others around you couldn't keep their snickers in as they all let out a laugh. "I said I wanted another shot." Your head fell back onto Scarlett's shoulder. "I know sweetie," he said as he sat cross-legged in front of you on the couch. "technically I did get you a shot because you didn't specify you wanted alcohol in it." You moved your legs so you were crisscrossed as well. You put your elbows on your knees as your hands went under your chin.

"I want vodka," you said as you looked into Sebastian's Blue eyes. He copied your movement and put his hands under his chin. "Not going to happen." He replied with a smirk. Chris just laughed and made his way over to you. "Okay, time to bed Squish," he said and he tried to get you to stand up. you pushed one of your hands in front of his mouth, never losing eye content with Seb.

"I'm in the middle of a very important negotiation right now Chris," you said as confidently as you could, although it only came out as a slurred mess. He took your hand off his mouth and wiped it on your sweatpants. "No, because you made us pinky promise that we take care of you if you got to this point, didn't you?" You turned to look at Chris and felt your eyes well up. you nodded your head as you wrapped your arm around Chris's neck. "You guys are so nice to me," you said as you let tears out onto his shoulder.

This came as a shock to them as you barely ever cry. You only ever let your guard down around people you really trust. Chris was the only one who has seen you like this. Chris sighed as he looked at his castmates. "Okay, now it's officially time for bed." He took one of your arms and helped you up. your whole body felt heavy and all you wanted to do was nap. You leaned into Chris's side as you felt him put his arm around your shoulders.

"why are you guys leaving?" you said as you saw them head toward the door. "We have work in the morning cupcake, but we had a fun time tonight. Happy Birthday." Anthony said as he rubbed your arm. Scarlett gave you a hug and said happy birthday as well. "Goodnight my favorite 21-year-old," Seb said as he kissed the top of your head that was resting on Chris's shoulder. You look back up at Chris with a tear running down your cheek. "Are you leaving me too?" you asked.

"Nope, don't worry about that now. Come on, I'm putting you in the guest room," he said as the two of you started to walk down the hall. "Did you have fun tonight?" Chris asked. Your eyes lit up again. "It was SOO much fun. Did you know Sebbie could SING? Cause he is really good." Right now you were in between your happy and sad drunk stage, which made conversations very hard for Chris. "I didn't but it was very fun indeed." He pushed open the door to the guest room as he help you get under the covers "it was sad when they all has to leave though." you could see your eyes getting cloudy with tears again. "I know Squish but we have to work tomorrow. But you don't need to, so you get to sleep in," he said as he pushed your hair back. You didn't come to the point of throwing up, but he put a bucket next to you and turned you on your side just in case.

"Can you promise to never leave me?" you asked Chris. He just looked at you with a sad face. He became a very important part of your life over the last couple of years of knowing him. "I can do my best sweetie," he said as he continued to stroke your hair back. You snuggled deeper into the sheets until you felt his hand move off your face. He started to head out the door before he heard a voice behind him.

"Stay, Chris?" you said as you reached out a hand, which took a lot of effort to do. He gave you a sympathetic smile that you couldn't see but you felt his hand intertwine with yours. You let out a sigh as you smiled happily. You two stayed quiet, you still weren't asleep quite yet but were on the verge of falling. "Thank you Chris for the best birthday ever," you said as you finally slipped into dreamland. "Happy birthday Y/n" Chris smiled proudly at you. He gave you a kiss on the forehead before retreating back to his own room.

[mmkkzz]

No rest for the heartbroken masterlist

Summary: Betrayal cuts deep. If your heart and trust get damaged. Can you find a way back?

Pairing: Chris Evans x fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, fwb releationship, smut, mentions of cheating, betrayal, heartbreak, time jumps, more to be added

A/N: This series starts shortly after the first Captain America movie and will lead us to the Defending Jacob era.

Nrfth - Prologue

Nrfth (1) - Dreams do come true

Nrfth (2) - He’s just a man

Nrfth (3) - Behind the scenes shenanigans

Nrfth (4) - Only one bed

Nrfth (5) - Road to hell

Nrfth (6) – Where to Captain?

Nrfth (7) - Shattered dreams

Nrfth (8) - Leave it all behind

Nrfth (9) - Faded memory

Nrfth (10) - Past pain

Nrfth (11) - New beginnings or old mistakes - FIN

Keep reading

[mmkkzz]

Press Conference

Platonic!Marvel cast (Chris Evans, Sebastian Stan, Benedict Cumberbatch, Anthony Mackie, Tom Hiddleston) x actress!reader

Summary: When a notorious press member became too personal,your marvel family stood up for you.

The flashbulbs exploded in synchronized bursts as you entered the Endgame press conference, the air thick with anticipation. You, the newest member of the MCU family, were the talk of the town, and tonight, all eyes were on you.

The lights dimmed, a hush fell over the packed auditorium. All eyes swivelled towards the entrance as the press conference host boomed, "Let's give a warm welcome to Y/N L/N, our newest addition to the Marvel Cinematic Universe!"

Chris Evans, seated beside Benedict Cumberbatch, couldn't help but steal a glance, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips. Sebastian Stan, across from him, mirrored the sentiment, his gaze lingering a beat longer. Tom Hiddleston, ever the gentleman, offered a small, knowing nod, while Anthony Mackie, your on-screen partner, winked playfully, muttering, "Ready to steal the show, Y/N?"

After introductions and greetings, everyone settled into their assigned sofas, you positioned amongst the Avengers heartthrobs. The press conference began, questions flying thick and fast, your name met with excited murmurs and camera clicks.

You settled onto your designated sofa, a nervous flutter in your stomach. But as the press conference began, you found your rhythm, your wit and intelligence shining through your responses. Your laughter filled the room, captivating not just the audience, but also the men around you.

Their gazes, once discreet, became bolder. Chris leaned in, his smile widening with every insightful point you made. Benedict chuckled at your witty retort, his eyes sparkling with appreciation. Sebastian's lips twitched, and Tom offered a thumbs-up, his smile tinged with a hint of something deeper. Even Anthony, usually the joker, seemed captivated, his gaze lingering on you with newfound respect.

Then, the atmosphere shifted. A reporter, notorious for his inappropriate remarks, directed his attention solely at you, his motives seemingly more personal than professional, began peppering you with flirtatious questions, his gaze lingering a little too long on your figure. The room grew tense, and you could sense a change in your fellow MCU stars. Chris's normally relaxed posture stiffened, his jaw clenching imperceptibly. Sebastian's smile vanished, replaced by a steely glint in his eyes. Tom, even Tom, seemed to radiate a cool disapproval.

"Y/N," the reporter drawled, his voice dripping with insincerity, "you're absolutely captivating. Tell us, does playing alongside such handsome co-stars come with any perks?"

Benedict leaned closer, his voice barely a whisper, "You don't have to answer that, Y/N. He doesn't deserve your attention." His words, laced with a quiet intensity, sent a wave of gratitude through you.

You gave him a polite smile, your response witty and deflecting. But you saw Chris clench his jaw, and Sebastian crossed his arms, a scowl forming. You appreciated their silent show of support, focusing on the next question.

However, the reporter persisted. "Come on," he pressed, "surely there's some juicy behind-the-scenes romance brewing..."

Before you could even formulate a reply, a chorus of voices interrupted.

Suddenly, Chris interrupted, his jaw clenched, stood up, his voice low and dangerous. "Excuse me, but your line of questioning is overstepping boundaries."

Anthony, equally protective, rose, his voice booming, "Show some respect, man!"

Benedict, ever the diplomat, interjected, "Let's keep things professional, shall we?"

Sebastian, his eyes narrowed, added, "We won't tolerate any further disrespect towards Y/N."

Tom, ever eloquent, finished the thought, "Her talent speaks for itself, no need for cheap tactics."

The reporter, flustered and intimidated, stammered an apology, slinking back in his seat. You sat there, speechless, the warmth of their protectiveness washing over you.

The press conference continued, but the mood had changed. The air buzzed with a new energy, a silent understanding between you and the men around you. You were no longer just the newest star; you were their colleague, their friend, and they would fiercely protect your place in their universe.

Later, after the formalities were over, Chris approached you, a sheepish grin on his face. "Sorry about that," he muttered, "we don't take kindly to anyone disrespecting our team."

You smiled, touched by their protectiveness. "It means a lot," you admitted, "having you all have my back."

A comfortable silence settled between you, before Chris chuckled. "Besides," he winked, "who wouldn't stand up for someone as brilliant and beautiful as you?"

Your cheeks flushed, and you laughed, the warmth in Chris's eyes making your heart skip a beat. Maybe being an Avenger wasn't just about saving the world, but also finding a new kind of family, one that protected you not just from villains, but also from inappropriate reporters and perhaps, even budding feelings.

And as you looked around at the smiling faces of your co-stars, you knew you wouldn't trade this experience for anything, even if it meant facing a few intrusive questions along the way. After all, who wouldn't want to be protected by Earth's Mightiest Heroes, both on and off screen?

Please suggest anything related to marvel characters, cast or actors. I'm very new to this, I just started yesterday *cries*

[mmkkzz]

Gag Reel

Chris Evans x Actress!Reader Summary: If you scroll through youtube deep enough, you'll find a vid titled "15+ mins of Evans-Y/L/N moments that live in my head rent free." Word Count: 1k+ Warnings: Crack fic themes, fluff, typos, misogyny, etc.

A/N: 🙄 if someone requests another evans crackfic, I'm going to set tumblr on fire. Let this series die I've exhausted all of my creativity T_T I don't even remember what I was supposed to do for this that i put it off and now i've just pulled this out from nothing. Amazing!

Here are the other "parts" of this, but for the final time its not a series, you don't have to read them to understand this.

Dude, She’s Just Not Into You | White Bread | The Other Guy | 400 Flowers

I hope i tagged everyone and I hope yall enjoy and leave comments and stuff!!! @time-for-a-lullaby @christmaswonderworld @readsreblogsfics @marianastudiesart @r2gers @undergroundstyle @notbrooklynsblog @marc-rogers @lam0ureuxq @mickymouselol1 @kimmyevansblog @captainwans @lizamango @freyathehuntress @freshfreakoaftrash @empath-bunny @insomnia-bookworm @cedricdiggorysimpp @inspireriri 

The skirt incident

There had been a where amidst filming near a river for you film, you and Chris had been goofing around by the shore, and ultimately you have gotten Chris wet from the waist down.

After being scolded by the producers and the wardrobe team, Chris had to get his pants changed.

But you just couldn't help yourself and snuck in his changing room, swapping out his trousers for a skirt they had in your own wardrobe.

You hear Chris scream your name. The head of wardrobe asked what you did this time and you quickly explained the situation. Suddenly the entire crew was waiting with phones out, urging Chris to get out of the changing room.

"Ha, ha," he calls out dryly. Chris rips the door open and walks out in a itty-bitty, a-line, plaid skirt with his hands on his hips.

The entire crew hollers.

You are-- dare I say-- turned on. Actually you are thoroughly impressed he manged to fit the skirt on his waist and--

"This skirt isn't even my size!" Chris complains, suddenly fumbling something behind him. You gather its the zipper.

"You look so hot though, babe," you throw a flying kiss at him.

Chris gives you a look and attitude, "hotter than you, surely."

The gag is so funny, you actually add it to the film.

"You're ugly though..."

Scene is set behind the scene on a photoshoot. You're doing a couple-y shoot with Chris, obviously to promote your film.

It's amidst the makeup touch up you notice there is a child on set. He's introduced as Caleb, the makeup artist's 4 year old son who's--

"turning 5 in one week!" Caleb smiles at you.

You smile back at him through the reflection on the mirror. Trying to keep your head still, you exclaim as brightly as you can, "wow, Caleb! That must be so exciting!"

Caleb firmly nods, "mommy's going to do face paint!"

"Wow! That's great. Do you have a favorite character you want to do?"

"Hmm... maybe... paw patrol?"

"Ooooh. That sound exciting. Can you tell me a bit about that."

Caleb begins to explain that there are a bunch of dogs who work various jobs, like a policeman, firefighter, life guard, and begins to share his enthusiasm about the children's program.

Just in that moment, you finish your makeup and walk over to Caleb, the same time Chris comes up to you and joins in the conversation.

It's extremely evident to everyone though that Caleb is keen in conversing only with you and he's not about to let this six-foot moron take up your time.

Caleb drags you away, which elicits a laugh from everyone, Chris especially, as he melts into a booby grab laugh.

Chris is keen to join the conversation though and as your conversation swerves to Caleb's favorite superhero, the overly excited Chris tries to chime in, overestimating his capabilities to casual insert himself in Caleb's narrative.

"You know, Caleb," Chris crouches down in front of the couch you and the tiny child had sat on, "I'm actually kinda a superhero."

Caleb is utterly confused and visibly annoyed.

"Do you know the avengers?"

Caleb nods quickly.

"Well, I'm actually Captain America."

Caleb hits him with the side eye, and you are thoroughly amused, breaking into laughter. Caleb quickly turns to you and is disarmed into a laugh as well.

"Hmm? Does he look like Captain America to you Caleb?"

Caleb as quickly shakes his head.

Chris breaks into a laugh but doesn't hide the fact he's offended.

"What does he look like then?"

Chris foolishly tries to answer for him, "handsome?"

Caleb gives him a stinky look and absolutely ends his career, "you look ugly though."

Chris is silenced. The room erupts into wild laughter. Caleb absolutely flamed Chris' red, white, and blue undies.

The cherry on top is Caleb's mom managed to film all of this.

Chris begins to moan, "no, no, put the phone away. I want to talk to my manager. This is defamation!"

Cringy Interview

"Wait, what did you say?" Chris asks titling his head, knitting his brows, and narrowing his eyes, evidently annoyed. You were doing the junket type sort of interviews and this misogynistic interviewer asked you a question, namely, "did you have to work on your stamina to be able to keep up with Chris?"

Having been absolutely used to the shit questions people ask you, you actually broke into a laugh at how ridiculous the question was, when it had absolutely nothing to do with the film, or literally anything at all with the two of you for that matter.

While you were trying to catch your breath from laughing, Chris was starring daggers into the man's face as he waited for him to repeat himself.

Unfazed, probably because of how you had reacted, he dumbly repeats himself, not hearing himself talk at all, apparently.

Chris makes an incredulous look and you manage to say under your breath, "absolute ninnyhammer."

You release a sigh before responding, "this question has no relevance to the film. It's not like we did stunts."

The interviewer 'wittily' responds, "you had a jogging scene in the film!"

Chris visibly rolls his eyes. You smack a hand on your face and break into another laugh.

"For five seconds," Chris responds, "it doesn't take an Oscar nominee to act that out." He mutters under barely under his breath, "but of course you wouldn't know anything about that."

You break into another laugh because of this.

The infamous yacht clip

Now, no one knows exactly what happened on this yacht. The only facts are that you were a guest at a friend's birthday party and you are practically allergic to alcohol.

Well, actually that last part is debatable, considering no one actually knows how much you've had to drink.

And well, you're notoriously wild sober anyway, so the moment your brain shut off and you the alcohol fueling your every move, you turned into the embodiment of the life of the party.

I'm talking clip after clip of you on multiple celebrities stories, dancing on tables, dancing out of beat, and talking to every plant you see.

But what really went viral was you saying--

"Yeah, Chris has really, really bad farts. Like really, really bad," you readily admit to a friend whose camera's flash was open. "Like, I'm sorry if this is disenchanting but, yo, there was a reason he was Human Torch at one point of his career. The gas that man passes is nuclear grade fuel. It stinks and even hurts your eyes! He needs to see a doctor about that."

"OMG, for real?"

"Wait... who are we talking about again?"

"... Chris Evans, love."

"OMG, I was in a movie with him, did you know!?"

And now, by far, the best clip on the internet that perfectly encapsulates the essence of the Evans-Y/L/N relationship

A bunch of stories from Chris' newly mare instagram account.

Clip A

Chris is filming with the back of his phone. You're sat across him. It pans from his lap, to the food on the table, to you with your eyes squinting because of how bright it is, "say hi to the camera!"

"Hi to the camera," you reply, doing a peace sign and duck lips.

"Yuck," Chris says, quickly turning the camera to him, doing the same pose, "this is how you do it folks."

You shudder off cam, "that must be so embarrassing trying to fit in."

The camera quickly pans back to you, "well, I'll have you know--"

Clip B

A boomerang of you and Chris eating ice cream and pie. You're holding up a plate and a fork with a bit of pie and ice cream and you're trying to feed Chris. In its boomerang nature, it's a repeating clip of you bringing up the utensil to Chris' mouth and missing by a hair. You can barely see your shocked expression coming out and Chris' pain reaction somewhere by the end.

It's captioned with, "this is why you should leave stunts to the professionals, kids."

Clip C

It's the aftermath of the said clip.

You're making sobbing sounds in the background. Chris brings the phone up to him and wipes his grinning lips off with a tissue. You are nuzzled up on his chest, moving your head back and forth, arms secured around his torso.

Chris brings his available arm around you and pulls you close as he laughs, then says, "it's fine, babe."

"No, you're bleeding."

Chris' eyes crinkle, and suddenly he drops his expression, "well, you know there's no denying the fact you tried to kill me with a fork and poke my gums out."

You muffle against hus shirt.

"This is it for you, sadly. You'll never work in Hollywood again. All those years of hard work down the drain. What would your mother say?" Chris scoffs suddenly, "I'm posting this as evidence. Everyone take note of this heinous act."

Clip D

A boomerang of you and Chris in an entirely different setting at night, eating ice cream. Chris pushes his chocolate ice cream on your cheek as you smile for the camera.

It's captioned, "Got em."

Clip E

Okay, the last clip isn't from Chris' instagram, it's from yours. It's a boomerang as well of you and Chris smiling at the camera and sharing a kiss. The key moment is when you reach for his cheek and place your hand on his face, showing the very evident ring on your finger.

"Gotem," it's captioned, with a tiny, tiny, tiny sub-caption that reads, "when I tell you how many times we took this to get it right."

[mmkkzz]

Chris Evans Masterlist

Most recent is at the top.

Last Updated: September 23rd, 2021

One-Shots

Snore (Daughter!Reader)

Summary: you and your daughter wake up to your dad snoring.

Christopher (Ex-Wife!Reader)

Summary: Chris is drunk and stops by. Do read the warnings first and it’s more of an 18+ story.

Pasta (Italian!Reader)

Summary: Chris decides to mess with you so he breaks the pasta in half.

Silence (Sister!Reader)

Summary: Chris visits you while you’re in the hospital.

Sack of Candy (Daughter!Reader)

Summary: you’ve returned home from your adventures of trick or treating.

Muse (popstar!reader)

Summary: Chris talks about you in front of his cast mates in an interview.

Bambi (ice skater!reader)

Summary: you’re just skating when this random dog comes onto the ice. Fluff.

Play (child!reader)

Summary: your big brother comes over to play with you. Kind of shitty.

Tweets Chris & His Kids Post (Wife!Reader)

Summary: you and Chris have six kids. Four of them are on Twitter. More tweets.

Cuddle (Wife!Reader)

Summary: Chris comes down from the top bunk to snuggle with you.

Done (Daughter!Reader)

Summary: Chris is done for today.

Pinned (Wife!Reader)

Summary: you try the trend of pinning your s/o against a wall.

Finding A Lost Dodger (Model!Reader)

Summary: it’s in the title. Fluff.

Guppy (Daughter!Reader)

Summary: your dad finishes work early and surprises you onset. Fluff.

I’m On A Horse (Wife!Reader)

Summary: Chris is on a horse on your family’s farm. Fluff.

Tweets Chris Would Make After Listening to Your First Album (Sister!Reader)

Summary: based off of Olivia Rodrigo’s album Sour.

Actor On Model (Model!Reader)

Summary: you and Chris do a couple’s interview. Fluff.

Infante (Italian!Reader)

Summary: you want a baby. Fluff.

Just A Crush (Stan!Reader)

Summary: you visit your brother on set and meet a certain someone who is smitten with you. Fluff.

Turtles (ADHD!Reader)

Summary: you get turtles instead of carrots. Fluff.

Booty Call (UFCFighter!Reader)

Summary: Chris invited you over at 1am only to find you beaten up standing on doorstep.

Late (Wife!Reader)

Summary: Chris is very late. Fluff.

Rumors (Wife!Reader)

Summary: there’s rumors of you cheating on Chris. Fluff

Hands (Girlfriend!Reader)

Summary: Chris noticed some things about your hands. Lil angsty.

Fun Size (Wife!Reader)

Summary: you have decided to tell Chris that you know why you have small boobs. Fluff.

Apocalypse (Wife!Reader)

Summary: the sky be looking like we’re in an apocalyptic world and it freaks out Chris. Fluff. Nervous!Chris.

Crying & Hugs (Actress!Reader)

Summary: Chris learns you aren’t a big crier or hugger. Fluff.

Big Brother Chris (Sister!Reader)

Summary: you snuggled up with your brother. Fluff.

BFF (Best Friend/Pregnant!Reader)

Summary: you’ve been avoiding your best friend ever since you found out that he knocked you up. Angst.

Piglet (Sister/Dyslexic!Reader)

Summary: you have a tough time reading the book that’s been assigned in school. Fluff.

Purple Bows (Dad!Chris)

Summary: Chris does your daughter’s hair. Fluff.

Boundaries (Ex-Wife!Reader)

Summary: your ex comes to see the kids in the middle of the night. Angst.

Waking Up To You (Wife!Reader)

Summary: it’s the first morning that you and Chris are husband and wife. Fluff.

Firefly (Firefighter!Reader)

Summary: You come home to Chris after a shift of bad calls. Angst.

First Dance (Wife!Reader)

Summary: your first dance as husband and wife. Fluff.

Sharing is Caring (Tall!Reader)

Summary: you steal your boyfriend’s pants. Fluff.

Eve (Ex!Reader)

Summary: you drop your son off with his father and he invites you in. Slightly angsty but mainly fluff.

Homesick (Russian!Reader)

Summary: you’re feeling homesick. Angst but turns fluffy.

Drunken Night (Sister!Teen!Reader)

Summary: you come home drunk and both your brothers are home watching a movie. Fluff.

Drunk In Love (Wife!Reader)

Summary: you and Chris aren’t sober at all. Fluff.

Broken Water (Pregnant!Reader)

Summary: you and your husband are in the middle of an interview when your water breaks. Fluff.

Toxic (Actress!Reader)

Summary: you get interviewed on the red carpet and asked about your costar. Fluff.

It’ll be okay (Best Friend!Reader)

Summary: instead of going home to his house where his family awaits to meet the newest Evans, Chris goes to you. Angst.

Gentle Touch (Daughter!Reader, Elizabeth Olsen)

Summary: once again, Chris finds you in Lizzie’s trailer but this time it’s not for a reason he likes. Fluff.

Burnt (Hawaiian!Reader)

Summary: Chris gets sunburnt when visiting you and your island paradise. Fluff.

Dad (Stepdaughter!Reader)

Summary: it’s Chris’s birthday and you got him something very special. Fluff.

Sunsets (Popstar!Reader)

Summary: you surprise your biggest fan. Fluff.

Waddle (Pregnant!Reader)

Summary: you waddle and your husband finds it hilariously cute. Fluff.

First Man (Daughter!Reader, Harry Styles x Popstar!Reader)

Summary: you debut a song on stage at the AMAs. Based off of First Man by Camila Cabello. Fluff.

Daddy’s Little Girl (Daughter!Reader)

Summary: enough is enough. You leave once you turn 18. It’s too late for Chris to get back the time. Very Angsty. Little insight on what happens after.

Cheerios (Wife!Reader)

Summary: some Cheerios spill. Fluff.

Wrong Cards (Teen!Reader)

Summary: on a fateful day, Chris meets you. Angst.

Stood Up (Sister!Teen!Reader)

Summary: you get stood up on a date. Fluff.

Stars are cooler (Soldier!Reader)

Summary: it’s your first Fourth of July back from being overseas. Angst. PTSD.

Lost The Baby (Wife!Reader)

Summary: Chris thinks he lost the baby. Fluff.

Mean Girls (Sister!Teen!Reader)

Summary: supposed friends talk behind your back. Fluff.

The Presentation (Sister!Teen!Reader)

Summary: you want to go to your boyfriend’s house and your parents say no. But you’ve got a presentation. Fluff.

Cheesecake (Sister!Teen!Reader)

Summary: your older brother ate the slice of cheesecake that you were saving. Fluff.

Forgotten (Stepdaughter!Reader)

Summary: you’re left at school while your mom and stepdad have left for a weekend getaway. Angst.

Left Boob (Pregnant!Reader)

Summary: Chris grabs your left boob…. it’s fine, the two of you are married. Fluff.

He’s just a baby (Girlfriend!Reader)

Summary: someone gets his wisdom teeth taken out finally. Fluff.

Drained (Sister!Teen!Reader)

Summary: after a rough day at school filled with bullying and embarrassment, you just want to curl up in your bed and sleep it off but your family has other plans especially with someone that has come into town. Angst but fluff.

The Phone (Deaf!Reader)

Summary: you lose your phone on the subway. Fluff.

Words (Deaf!Reader, Soulmate AU)

Summary: Chris never had any words on him to signify that he has a soulmate like everyone else. Angsty but Fluffy.

The Hat (Drunk!Reader)

Summary: you’re very drunk and you find a hat that you like a lot. You have to have it. Fluff. Part two: Another Hat.

Glasses (Fiancé!Reader)

Summary: you get your first pair of glasses. Fluff.

Sweet Pea (Dad!Chris)

Summary: baby Evans falls into the pool. Fluff.

Fangirl, Fangirl 2.0 (Popstar!Reader)

Summary: Chris meets you, his celebrity crush, at the Grammys. Fluff. Also, I thought I lost the first but clearly didn’t. Same one shot just written differently.

Are you high? (ADHD!Reader)

Summary: Chris finally figures out that you have ADHD when you forget to take your meds. Fluff.

Starring Role (Famous!Reader)

Summary: in a new spy thriller, you’re paired with none other than Chris Evans for your first movie. Bullet point fic.

At Last (Ballerina!Reader)

Summary: Chris talks about his beloved dance partner. Fluff. ~might be redone.

Thunder Buddies (Teen!Reader)

Summary: Thunder comes. Scott isn’t around but Chris and Dodger are. Fluff.

Asthma (Asthmatic!Reader)

Summary: Chris finally finds out that you have bad asthma. Fluff.

Series

Fake Girlfriend to Wife

Summary: just a multi-part series of your relationship with Chris.

Status: COMPLETED.

Royalty (Princess!Reader)

Summary: a collection of drabbles/one shots set where the reader is a princess in Genovia.

Status: on-going but slow updates.

Elliotte Evans (OFC)

Copycat 

Summary: a collection of drabbles/one shots following the fifth Evans.

Status: on-going but slow updates.

Not The Right Time

Summary: You’re both in the same place at the same time but it just isn’t the right timing yet to introduce yourselves to each other.

Roomies (Roommate!Reader/Popstar!Reader)

Summary: collection of drabbles focused on the reader and Chris being roommates.

Shy!Reader

Summary: just a specific reader.

Mama (Single Dad!Chris)

Summary: Chris’s son, Jackson, calls you mama.

A Text Exchange Between Siblings: The Masterlist

Summary: you, Chris, and Scott have a group chat and it’s utter chaos.

Kardashian!Reader Headcanons

Toddler!Evans Headcanons

Deaf!Reader

Other Characters

>Ransom Drysdale

Sweater (Soft!Ransom)

Summary: you’re wearing his sweater. one shot. Fluff.

Ransom’s Return

Summary: Ransom returns to you to find something unexpected. Series.

>Andy Barber

Ice Cream Samwich (Wife!Reader)

Summary: after a crappy day at work, the youngest Barber gets to share an ice cream sandwich with her father. Fluff.

>Steve Rogers

Truth Hurts (Wife!Reader)

Summary: Bucky finds out the truth.

Themyscirian (Amazonian/Assistant!Reader)

Summary: the boys wonder where you’re from.

Government Property (Wife!Reader)

Summary: your husband brings something home that he shouldn’t have and needs you to deliver it the person that it does belong to. (Some possible The Falcon & The Winter Soldier spoilers. Also based off of episodes one and two.)

Cookie Dough Ice Cream (Pregnant!Reader)

Summary: an agent says something about Steve’s relationship not thinking that the Captain can hear him. one shot. Fluff.

Back to the Future (Wife!Reader)

Summary: Your husband is Steven Grant Rogers but he crashed a plane into the ocean. one shot. Fluff.

>Stucky Masterlist

Main Masterlist

[mmkkzz]

Roomies Masterlist

Summary: you and Chris are roomies while in quarantine.

A/N: These can be read by themselves (at least I hope) but they are in chronological order. They might not be posted in order but this masterlist should show the chronology.

Last updated: May 19th, 2022

1: Leaving LA

~ Chris drags you out of LA before the world shuts down.

2: The Secret is Out

~ your roommate decides to crash one of your interviews. Fluff.

3: Hiking

~ your roommate drags you hiking and you annoy him the entire time. Fluff.

4: Rooftop Conversations

~ you con Chris into joining you on his roof. Fluff.

5: Smooth Jazz Club

~ with a brand new piano that your roommate bought for you, you go on Instagram live to show case your skills. Fluff.

6: Sleepover Sundays

~ always right before a Monday, you and Chris have a sleepover in his bedroom. You forget this time. Little Angsty but fluffy.

7: The Kitties

~ while out with Dodger, you find two kitties. Fluff.

8: Late Night Pool Conversations

~ you and Chris have taken a dip in his pool. Fluff.

9: Goodbyes

~ Chris drops you off at the airport. Fluff.

10: Goodnight

~ Chris facetimes you. Fluff.

11: VMAs

~ Chris watches your performance. Fluff.

12: I’ve Returned

~ you’ve returned to Boston to surprise Chris. Fluff.

13: Bubble Bath

~ you and your roommate take a bubble bath…. together. Fluff.

14: You Are The Reason

~ Chris wants you to sing as he plays the piano. Fluff.

15: Fanboys

~ Chris and Scott need help with Instagram Live. Fluff.

16: Traffic

~ you and Chris are stuck at a red light. Fluff.

17: Bloody Oranges

~ an accident in the kitchen has you driving Chris to the hospital. Fluff.

18: Campfire Questions

~ you have some questions and Chris has the answer. They might not be correct though.

19: New Year’s

~ it’s just you and the boys, the cats, and Dodger for New Years Eve. Fluff.

20: Funny Valentine

~ you have a very important question to ask Chris. Fluff.

21: Nut-thing

~ Chris is bored and so he comes to you.

22: Scaredy Cat

~ Chris and Scott are doing a panel for Ace Comic Con and you scare Chris during it.

23: Bedtime

~ just another night in quarantine and Chris has some facts to tell you.

24: You & I (might be renamed)

~ Chris takes you out to dinner for your first date together.

Bonus Fics!

Old Fart ~ it’s Chris’ 40th birthday.

Everybody’s Favorite Roommates ~ fan interactions in the style of a buzzfeed article.

PRE-CORONA

Let’s Get Moving

Gucci Slippers

…and more to come.

Headcanons

Headcanons 2

Corona Chronicles Masterlist

Taglist:

@thefallenbibliophilequote @notbrooklynsblog @plokyu23 @anacrcarvalho @storiesbystarlight @onlyonequeenbitch @y-napotat @realityparty @thatoneperson5000 @theashleycom3 @tenaciousperfectionunknown @dangerouspiefanplaid @hotchsdarling @mcu-hp

Credit to @firefly-graphics for the divider.

[mmkkzz]

I NEED PART TWO OF THE MARVEL CAST FLIRTING WITH Y/N L/N!

. . . MARVEL CAST FLIRTING WITH Y/N Y/L/N FOR 10 MINUTES STRAIGHT! (part2)

part 1 / part 3

You cackled to yourself after sending the message into your groupchat, quickly returning to the video and beginning to play it again, occasional bursts of giggles slipping through your lips.

Resuming your place in the video—the first clip that began playing was actually from not that long ago at all. It was You, Kat Dennings, Elizabeth Olsen and Zendaya at Taylor Swifts Eras Tour (an experience you would genuinely never forget). Taylor was playing Lover and, in the clip, Kat had your face in one hand and the other wrapped around your waist, bringing you close to her body.

“Lover, can I go where you go—“ Kat sang with Taylor, singing all the lyrics to you and grinning at you, faces inches away from each other. “—Can we always be this close.” She punctuated this lyric with giving you an eskimo kiss.

You smiled sincerely at the memory.

The next clip began up, it was you and Chris Evans doing Playground Insults with BBC Radio 1: the two of you were sat opposite each other, knees touching, Chris was grinning goofily at you, giddy laughs escaping him as you tried to remain straight faced.

“—we’re here with Chris Evans and Y/N Y/L/N.” The presenters introduced.

“And we’re about to play Playground Insults . . Now Chris and Y/N are sat opposite each other,” the camera cut to you and Chris, him smiling largely and you looking away to contain your own, “the atmosphere is very tense.”

“We’ve done this quite a few times now but im thinking.. this is the biggest movie of the year, let’s make this the biggest playground insults we’ve ever done.”

“Yep.” Chris nodded, trying not to laugh.

“Chris, hun. . you’re ugly. Like, plain ugly.” You nodded seriously, immediately setting off as you feigned a pained wince to the words. “Everyone’s been talking about it. . just, you’re so atrocious to look at. Honestly, I almost feel arse over tits in horror when I saw you.”

Chris opened his mouth to say something but then faltered and pouted, “no matter how good of an actor I am, I could never even get those words out my mouth about you and make them sound genuine. Seriously.”

The third clip started—it was Chris Hemsworth on a carpet, a bold colourful question at the bottom said ‘WHO HAS THE MOST FANS?’. Chris immediately said, “Y/n.” In that deep Australian accent of his. “Not that I blame the people from choosing her to be the people’s queen, she is truly one of a kind. You’ll only ever meet one Y/n in your lifetime, cherish it. The fans have the right idea.”

It changed to Scarlett with the same colourful question at screen and at the same carpet event: “Oh, Yeah. Y/n, one hundred percent.” She chuckled huskily. “That woman has fans upon fans and seriously, I’m one of them. She is something else.” She grinned, winking at the camera.

After Scarlett, Paul Rudd came onto your screen in the very same clip. “Oh! The legend herself, Y/N Y/L/N.” Paul answered brightly, smiling. “The amount of fans she has is unbelievable—well, it’s definitely believable for someone like her, so, not really unbelievable..”

The forth clip began—it was you all playing Family Feud with Jimmy Kimmel, on his live show. Sebastian and RDJ were currently facing off; Jimmy posed the question “what, other than the sun, are some of the hottest things to exist?”

Sebastian got to the buzzer faster than Robert managed to and didn’t even falter or hesitate as he answered straight away, “Y/N Y/L/N.”

The audience immediately screamed laughed and shrieked in delight, RDJ just nodded his head in understanding and appreciation, clapping his hands. Chris Evans, Mark and Anthony on the other side all looked amused but ultimately accepting (Chris was nodding along almost subconsciously). You were on the other team, looking heavenward with a faint exasperated grin and Scarlet wrapped her arm around your waist, Chris Hemsworth smirking at you both.

The fifth clip started up: it was a behind the scenes shot from Endgame, the big final battle. You were currently in the middle of doing your own stunt, green screen behind you and harnesses strapped to you as you dangled at a halfway point in the air. Your arms and hands were positioned in such a way to show your character manipulating her powers—the position also very much enhanced your chest, with the added help of your superhero attire. You looked hot, even you could admit.

The camera mirthfully panned to some of the rest of the cast who all stood aside while you filmed your scene—said cast being Chris Evans, Tom Holland, Gwyneth Paltrow, RDJ, Elizabeth Olsen and Tessa Thompson. All of their eyes were fixated on you, Robert was the only one grinning in amusement (and awe) while all the others stared at you as though you hung the sun yourself.

“Boobies.” Lizzie giggled faintly, her eyes stuck. The rest of the cast watching dumbly nodded while the crew cracked up behind the cameras.

And if you screenshotted their dumbfounded faces looking ip at on screen you. . well that was your business.

The clip changed. It was now Karen Gillan being interviewed on some carpet event, looking genuinely breathtaking. The interviewer was asking, “—obviously, your friend and co-star Y/N Y/L/N has been in lots of iconic movies. . what is your favourite scene of hers in The Wolf of Wall Street?”

Karen paused with a cheeky little smile, giving the interviewer a a jokingly incredulous look. “Come on.” She simply said. “It’s a bloody no brainer, I’m certain it was Leonardo’s favourite scene too. . I hope it is anyway otherwise he’s a silly, silly man.”

At the same carpet event with the same interviewer, Chris Hemsworth was being interviewed—his wife, Elsa, on his arm and looking half ready to battle off any rude interviewers (queen).

“—what is your favourite scene of hers in Ocean’s 8?”

“All of them!” Elsa answered eagerly, grinning. “Her outfits really accentuated her personality and I enjoyed them very much so. Particularly her outfit for the gala. . the amount of accentuated personality, by gosh, it had me speechless.”

Chris turned her head, obviously trying not to laugh at his wife.

“Nunca he estado más celoso y agradecido por la ropa en mi vida.” Elsa hummed.

You blinked.

The clip changed to you, Sebastian, Lizzie, Paul, Jeremy and Jimmy all on his Tonight Show playing Musical Beers. The slightly unnerving music/beat played in the background while you all stalked around the circle, Paul and Jeremy already out—leaving you, Seb, Lizzie and Jimmy.

As you were all racing around the circular table, Lizzie very obviously swatted your ass and you were impressed with your own body as you watched that impact: the audience erupted into laughs and shrieks, Jimmy playfully covering his eyes as Seb smirked. You thought that would be the end of the clip, but no.

The very disco-esk tune briefly cut out and past time you thought that meant it stopped completely and you’d already reached for the red cup in front of you and chugged it’s contents, only to pause as the music began back up.

“Spit it back! Spit it back!”

You did just that—but when the music actually stopped and Seb was left standing in front of the cup with your (let’s not go there) in it, your mouth popped open in shock. Jeremy gladly backed away from the table in hysterics, Lizzie and Jimmy equally as amused.

“Oh my god, I am—“

Sebastian quickly downed the cup with. . those contents, not even looking all that perturbed.

“So sorry.” You finished, mouth agape.

You vaguely remembered a conversation you’d had with him after the show, sincerely and repeatedly apologising and he was just very, very amused with you. He didn’t seem to mind at all—what an odd man.

“It’s all good.” Sebastian chuckled lowly, wrapping the mortified looking past you in a one armed shoulder hug and squeezing you to him. Lizzie seemed to be trying to trade a very obvious eye message with you—the audience shrieked and screamed in the background.

Another clip began: its was you and Scarlett Johansson doing a trust fall thing, you thought (correctly).

“Scarlett I swear. .” You giggled, looking over your shoulder at the woman behind you—she grinned back at you amusedly, her eyes twinkling.

“Calm down.” She laughed herself. “I’ll catch you don’t worry, gorgeous.”

Still slightly overcome with nervous giggles, you turned and let out a breath as you shut your eyes before holding at your arms and falling back.

And catch you she definitely did—although her hands didn’t exactly land in a PG-13 area, you cackled as you watched her hands grope at your chest to pull you up. In the video, you were also wheezing as were the crew and Scarlett had a cheeky little smirk as she laughed.

When you were finally standing, she gave one last squeeze before finally letting go—on screen you was breathless with giggles.

“Always wanted to do that.” She shrugged simply with a large amused smile.

The next clip began—it was Zendaya and Tom Holland on LADBible, playing that how much do you agree or not game. The statement said was ‘Y/N Y/L/N is everyone‘s celebrity crush’.

Instantly, Tom and Zendaya moved their cups to strongly agree, both of them nodding in solid agreement with the statement: presently, you awed at your friends, ego very much boosted. Well. To be fair, all of this video was massively boosting your ego.

“I mean, come on.” Zendaya made a ‘duh’ face and shrugged her shoulders.

“It’s Y/N.” Tom smiled crookedly, adding onto her comment.

“I am so happy I get to now say that she’s one of my closest friends.” Zendaya beamed genuinely. “She’s—one of those people whose beauty isn’t just an external thing, she’s so lovely man.” She pouted, in awe of you.

Watching the video, you beamed back at her.

The clip changed: Mark Ruffalo was on the Graham Norton show, next to Nicki Minaj and an actor you couldn’t place.

“Who would you say your favourite co-star has ever been, Mark?” Graham inquired.

“I—i would probably have to go with Y/N—“ The crowd instantly erupted into cheers and yells and Nicki smiled next to him, stating that she loved you under the sound of cheering. Mark grinned back at her, mumbling ‘me too’.

“Yeah, she’s a hell of an actress, that one. So easy to work with. Funny as f—hell, she’s just—an extremely genuine and kind person, and she really brings the energy on set.” Mark grinned. “..she’s also the only free pass my wife has ever given me. Which I won’t be using! Because I don’t believe in cheating, it’s scummy! Even though she’s gorgeous—anyone would be lucky!” He had to rise to a shout at the end as the audience erupted.

Nicki giggled next to him, “me personally, I would use that pass.”

You gasped in laughter as you watched the screen, screen-recording it all so you could go back and watch it. Saving it to your folder titled PISSING MY PANTS HRLP

The clip changed yet again, showing a scene from the Winter Solider BTS. You and Sebastian were filming a scene where he had to shoot your character—you watched the ‘Winter Solider’ shoot your character multiple times making you go down with an agonised yell, crawling away from him.

As soon as CUT was yelled, Sebastian’s face dropped from his stone cold (wintery) expression and he raced to you, crouching next to you. He practically tugged you into his lap on the floor, holding you.

“Oh my fuck that—that just felt so real, Y/n. You know I would never hurt you right?” He asked, blinking repeatedly before a small smirk fell on his lips. “You’re way too pretty to injure doll. Can’t ruin your perfect face.”

On screen you huffed in mock anger, hiding an amused grin as you shoved at him—he still held you close to him though, so both of you fell backwards and burst into giggles.

You literally thought ‘I ship them’ as you watched the clip of Sebastian and yourself, forgetting that was you for a moment.

Another clip started up—another behind the scenes. It was you and Tom Hiddleston in Thor : Ragnarok. In the scene Loki was tied down to the chair and your character was meant to intimidate him—you watched yourself take out your character’s daggers and lean forward into his space. One leg leaned up on top of the arm of the chair, sliding one dagger just a hair above the skin of his neck while using the over the move his chin up to be angled to you as you mockingly smiled down at him.

You said your line as your character but Tom remained silent, mouth parted and eyes widened as he gazed up at you—speech failing him. (You knew that they actually decided to include this awestruck look in the movie—the amount of fucking edits you’d seen was unreal).

Eyebrows crinkling you nudged your knee into his chest and he snapped out of it, grabbing your knee in a gentle grip. “Sorry darling, words sometimes seem to fail me in your presence.” He muttered rather hoarsely, still staring up at you.

“I don’t fucking blame him.” Tessa Thompson murmured from behind you both, and the camera moved to show her staring at you in a similar awe.

Present time, you could barely hide your smirk. Literally the biggest ego boost. Of all time.

Again, the clip changed and it was now Natalie Portman looking gorgeous on a carpet event, being interviewed—“if you could have Jane explore another romance than Thor, who would it be and why?”

“Y/N!” Natalia enthused immediately. “Well—her character, but like. Both. Either. One for me, one for Jane. That—would be great. And why? Come on! She’s an absolutely beautiful woman, inside and out. She has this outward glow that you literally cannot and don’t want to look away from and that reflects so much in her personality—once you’ve interacted with her one time, you never want to stop. Ever. I’m not kidding.” She giggled.

Another clip started up quickly—a blooper of you and Chris Evans. In this scene, your characters were meant to kiss after an angsty, angry argument. You stormed into the frame, into the bedroom, completely in character—an angry expression on and ready to go at Steve.

Before you could even let out a single syllable to begin your lines, Chris immediately surged forward and took your face in his hands, kissing the living daylights out of you.

You both pulled back after a bit and you just started at him, questioningly (that kiss was probably one of your best ever, let it be known, Chris Evans was a fantastic kisser).

“I—I thought It’d be good for the scene. .” Chris trailed off bashfully, scratching the base of his neck, literally pulling the excuse out of his arse. In actuality, he hadn’t wanted to spare a moment of the scene where he could be kissing you, well, not doing so.

“Bull!” Scarlett exclaimed as she materialised in the doorway. “He just wanted to kiss you.” She told you, pointedly looking at the man.

“Yeah—i—“ He huffed a defeated sigh, pink-cheeked. “I’ve got nothing. She’s right.”

In hindsight, you thought to yourself, you should probably stop being so shocked when the fanbase starts shipping you with your costars.

The clip changed: now it was you, Elizabeth and Aaron on a carpet event together—all being interviewed at the same time.

“So, Y/n, how does it feel to be in a Maximoff twin sandwich right now?” The interviewer giggled happily, smiling.

Before you could open you’re mouth—“we’re really enjoying it.” Lizzie and Aaron replied at the same time.

The interview gaped and you simply rolled your eyes as the two smirked at either side of you, they’d been talking in sync ever since you’d first met them at the table reading.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t why?” Aaron grinned crookedly. “A beautiful, lovely woman in between us. Honestly, love, there’s not a thought in my head besides you.” He joked, throwing an arm over your shoulder.

“I completely support that.” Lizzie chirped in, “ever since I’ve met this gorgeous lady who i now acknowledge as my partner in everything—she’s taken up all of the room in my brain, and I couldn’t be happier.” She giggled, putting her arm around your waist.

In the middle of them both, with an arm over your shoulder and one around your waist—you simply sighed, sparing the giddy interviewer an exaggerated suffering expression.

Again, the clip switched—it was now another blooper of you in the Iron Man movie, the scene where you handed Tony’s arse to him in the boxing ring. Instead of acting as scripted, Gwen Paltrow got up from her seat and strode over to the boxing ring, stepping inside gracefully and planting one right on your lips.

Presently, you giggled as you thought back to this moment. Gwen was your impulsive queen. Your idol.

From the floor, RDJ squawked in shock, exclaiming about being cheated and betrayed and Gwen flung her stiletto off her foot at him without moving from your lips.

When she finally did, she simply smiled at you kindly, “you just looked so good that I couldn’t not kiss you, sweets.” She shrugged and you, on screen, laughed at her as you leaned back in to kiss her cheek.

(Unfortunately the scene was not included in the movie—but Gwen never wasted an opportunity to talk about it, and you, if the chance arose).

The clip moved onto another one—back to the Thor : Ragnarok movie, you and Heimdall were fighting together, however you missed a step in your stunt and ended up stumbling. Idris immediately caught you with a steady arm around your waist, full you to him so you could stabilise yourself.

You smiled up at him thankfully, squeezing his arm in gratitude (totally not because you’d just wanted to feel his bicep).

You watched as your on screen self get distracted again and Idris murmured to Tom who’d now appeared next to him, “I feel like it’s dishonourable how much I want her to fall so I can catch her again now.”

“Mate, trust me,” Tom laughed, “I completely understand. But she doesn’t need the rescuing.”

“That she does not.” Both men smiled fondly as they watched you.

Presently, you were actively refusing to blush.

A different clip started up—Florence Pugh was being interviewed, looking breathtaking in her green dress. “—did you take anything from set?” The interviewer was asking, smiling at Florence.

“Um—not much, just Y/n’s heart.” Florence immediately cracked up at her own joke, smiling widely. “And her underwear too.” She added.

The interviewer opened her mouth to say something more, giggling at Florence as she continued speaking: “and before you ask, no. I wouldn’t be selling, for any price. Finders keepers and all that shite—plus, she’s my girl, so. That rule applies even more so. No one else can take her heart. Or her pants.”

Watching your friend, you giggled at her cheesy smile at her words before getting distracted by your group chat, where multiple of your friends and co-starts had seen your message and were now responding. Your laughter increased tenfold as you opened the thread.

[mmkkzz]

Hey, I hope you’re having a good day! I had an idea, Marvel cast flirting with y/n for x minutes?

. . MARVEL CAST FLIRTING WITH Y/N Y/L/N FOR 10 MINUTES STRAIGHT!

part 2 / part 3

Coming home from an extremely long and stressful day/week was unfortunately something very familiar to you—so familiar that you and your best friend (your not famous best friend who was your pilar through all the chaos fame brought) had created a little routine; she’d send you various videos and links to movies and online books she knew would relax and amuse you.

So, cuddled up in your bed with your pyjamas and your star lights on (a true child at heart, always) you opened up your chats with them and eagerly swiped to see that they’d sent.

‘Marvel Cast Flirting with Y/N Y/L/N For 10 Minutes Straight!’ was the video for tonight.

Immediately you cackled to yourself, hurriedly sending your best friend thanks in the form of ironic emojis and frantic proclamations of undying love, before loading up the (true to prior word) ten minute long video.

Surely this was an exaggeration.

The video began, large letters in a cute font appearing on the dark screen ‘the marvel cast all being in love flirting with y/n for ten minutes’. The quick ‘AS THEY SHOULD’ before the clips started playing made you giggle to yourself.

The first clip was from some years back, you were pretty sure this was a premiere for The Avengers, given how you looked and the quality—you were standing opposite on interview, smile on your face and dressed in a pretty outfit the same colour of your character’s aesthetic.

“How do you feel about your costume?”

Before you could even answer the interviews question, Scarlett intercepted your interview—hair in a short red bob and a smirking grin at her lips as she wrapped an arm around your waist.

“Well I know how we all feel about this ladies costume, it’s a beautiful piece that just makes the women wearing all the more beautiful. If that’s even possible.”

The edit quickly gave Scarlett beating heart eyes for you as she didn’t tear her eyes away from you for a second—making present time you laugh.

With that she kissed your cheek, leaving a red mark of her lipstick and walked away, dramatically winking in your direction.

The second clip was a blooper, from .. Captain America: Civil War, you thought. You were on Sebastian’s shoulders, thighs locked over his head—in character, as your character and his were mid fight.

He stumbled back over a table accidentally and you let out a startled yelp, hands flying to steady yourself in his long hair and one of his landing on your arse cheek to steady you as he steadied himself with the other.

“Is it bad that I’m loving this?”

“SEBA—“

“Cut!”

The third clip was you and Lizzie (Elizabeth Olsen) reacting fan tweets; Lizzie unrolled the piece of paper, her eyes lighting up as she giggled with a little smirk.

“Elizabeth. .” You wearily trailed off, looking at your friend.

“Sorry, sorry. Okay! This tweet says if i could just pretty BEEP please with the juiciest most mouthwatering cherry on top get a not kid friendly scene of Wanda and (Your Character) I could die peacefully, my wish fulfilled. I implore you marvel, listen to your dying fan.”

“That tweet had over fifty thousand likes as well.” A feminine voice added in from behind the camera, laughter in her tone.

You and Lizzie turned to each other at the same time, grinning.

“I mean the fan is dying babe. .”

“Right? We should totally make this happen, like, totally.” She gave you a cheeky once over, eyes appreciating all of you. “Because it was the fans wish, not mine, duh.” Lizzie added.

“Mhm.” You hummed with a smirk.

The fourth clip was a evidently some sort of ‘guess the body part’ game: a photo of what you were pretty sure was your bottom half was the picture currently used for guessing, in the picture you were leaned over in a pair of yoga pants and in your personal opinion, you looked good. Well, your arse looked good (amazing, otherworldly—you humbly added)

Lizzie was the first person to answer, the video showing each persons turn one by one and immediately she said, “that’s my girl. Y/N.” Then giggling she added, “now get my girls booty off the screen, I don’t need you all ogling her. We get enough of that, sometimes causes a strain on us. But we’ve remained strong together.”

Paul Rudd was next and he stared at the picture of you for a few solid seconds, “it’s Y/N.” He sheepishly admitted. He pointed an accusing finger dramatically towards the camera—“I only know this because of all the edits you guys make!”

“You don’t have to watch them.” The interviewer pointed out innocently; Paul pouted, grumbling.

Next was Anthony who instantly answered, “That’s Y/N right here!” He hyped you up, grinning. “Don’t even try and make it creepy, we do glutes together man, it’s why we’re the best asses in the cast. Up top!” Anthony exclaimed, holding his hand up towards the picture as if pretending to high five you or something—the interviewer timidly gave him a high five.

Sebastian was next as you (and everyone) watch his eyes flicker and grin that was more of a smirk spread across his cheeks, “that’s definitely y/n.” He assumed instantly. “Would’ve been able to tell you that blindfolded.”

“But—“

“I’d have just sensed her.” Sebastian giggled.

Chris Evans was next—a grin picked up on his face immediately, eyes trained on the photo of you and he ran a hand over his beard, lightly biting his lip (HEELLLOOO????)

“That’s Y/n.” Chris stated confidently, smirking lightly and the camera caught some of the team in line of sight exchange raised eyebrows.

The fifth clip was of Brie Larson who was being interviewed on some sort of premiere event again—presumably or her (marvellous) movie, Captain Marvel, smiling at the interviewer.

“Out of all of the people on the Marvel Cast, those who you’ve met, do you have a favourite out of them?” The interview questioned.

“I’m not really one for favourites but I would definitely say I’m closest to Y/n! She’s—she’s just so lovely and funny and she’s like a ray of sunshine, honestly. She’s been a great help in the filming process as well, she coached me through everything with so patience—I would’ve strangled me if I was her, but no, she just had that adorable smile on her face. She’s truly an amazing person and a better friend than I thought possible.” Brie answered enthusiastically with a soft smile.

“Awwww! We love to hear that—are any of the rumours about her true?”

Brie blinked, seeming taken aback for a brief moment— “Yes she does smell amazing, she’s always effortlessly beautiful, she’s unfailingly hilarious and yes no one in this world deserves her. But like. . if she’s open to it,” Brie paused, winking at the camera and making a call me sign with her hands and mouthing the words with a flirty grin.

The sixth clip was of you, Tom Holland, RDJ, Paul Bettany, Zoe Saldana and Pom Klementieff on Jimmy Kimmel, tasked with drawing your characters. The clip started just as you turned around the drawing of your character and well, it was actually surprisingly good in your own opinion—the audience immediately erupted into loud and obnoxious cheers.

“As great as that is, love, it still doenst capture the extent of your beauty.” Tom Holland, who was sat to your left, grinned cheekily at you and the audience practically shouted and hooted.

“Would anything ever?” Zoe shot back from your right side, twirling a lock of your hair affectionately and smiling as she leaned against you.

“I sincerely doubt that anything could.” RDJ piped up, giving you an unapologetic grin when you looked over at him with fond exasperation as the crowd was practically inconsolable in their glee and enthusiasm, shouting out your praises. “Give it up for sunshine, people. Our gorgeous ray of sunshine!”

“I—“

“They are quite right, Y/n.” Paul Bettany spoke over Jimmy who was obviously going to try and calm down his crowd.

The seventh clip started playing: it was a clip taken from Jacob Batalon’s story, clearly in a party setting—the video showed you and Zendaya in the centre of the dance floor, everyone around you clearly watching you both as you danced up against each other to the sounds of Yeah! by Usher.

“Mate I think your girls about to be stole.” The voice of Tom’s friend, Harrison, sounded from beside Jacob and presumably Tom himself and to empathise Harrison’s words, Jacob zoomed in on your faces, wide grins of ecstasy, and the way Zendaya was admiring you.

“Right in public as well, the scandal.” Jacob cackled.

The eighth clip was an interview of Chris Evans and McKenna Grace (you adored that little girl to pieces). The two of them were answering the ‘Webs Most Searched Question’s’ together.

“Who was.. Chris Evans, date at the Oscars?”

McKenna immediately ooed, smiling teasingly and Chris laughed from beside her.

“This is getting juicy!”

“Well, it was my mom one year and then my sister last year—“

“He wishes it was Y/n though.” The little girl laughed with a beaming smile on her lips and you, present time, arched a brow.

Chris bashfully chuckled with a smile and you swore you could see a genuine red hue on his cheeks, “I mean—it’s Y/n. Anyone would be happy to go with her.”

“I would be!” McKenna excitedly exclaimed as she grinned so sweetly you were now going to make sure you took this sweet child with you to the Oscar’s, Chris seemed to melt as well, recovering from his brief flustered moment.

The ninth clip was Sebastian and Anthony reading out their thirst tweets in a Buzzfeed interview, the clip started as Sebastian was pulling out a tweet from the large bucket.

He read it to himself and blushed faintly, Anthony’s eyebrows practically reaching his forehead as he tried to lean over and read it but Sebastian jokingly shoved him back.

“Oh for—That scene where (Your Character) chokes baby Bucky out with her thighs, his—his head all up in there; the shit I would give to be her, I would give my soul, my fridge, my moms purse, my dads golf clubs. Please, sir. Put your face between my legs like you did Y/n.”

By the end of the tweet, Sebastian had a deeply awkward and slightly perturbed look on his face and Anthony cackled at his side.

“Nah, I’m pretty sure he was more than happy with it being Y/n, wouldn’t change it even for your dads golf clubs.” Anthony laughed.

“That’s. . I’m gonna have to decline that, um, respectfully.” Sebastian spoke in regards to the tweet, ignoring Anthony.

In turn, Anthony ignored Sebastian as well and just dramatically kept winking at the camera.

The tenth clip was Cobie Smulders, who was being interviewed on some sort of carpet event, smile on her face as she spoke to the interviewer before her.

“How does it feel knowing that the lesbian community, myself included, are firmly rooting for your character, Maria and Y/N’s character (Your Character) to end up together?”

Cobie’s smile turned genuinely delighted, “I love it—we love it. Y/n and I actually have made so many PowerPoints and presented them to the Russo brothers, but alas. I do really want to end up with her—oops, sorry, wait. I really want my character to end with hers. . would be the appropriate wording. But I’m all for inappropriate if Y/n wants.”

Cobie jokingly bit her lip at the camera and you, watching the video, could not contain your laughter as the interviewer practically burst out with excitement.

The eleventh clip was a blooper from your filming of the avengers—you were standing next to Chris Hemsworth who had an arm around your waist, holding you to him as in the scene his character, Thor, flies the both of you away. But Chris quickly tugged you in front of him and began tickling you mercilessly, hysterical giggles falling from your lips as the people around you laughed as well.

“Chris, HAVE MERCY!”

“Aw, but I enjoy hearing your laughter. It’s a very pretty sound.” Chris laughed to himself, finally stopping his attack and letting you slump against his, back to his front. “I particularly like this as well.” He smirked down at you.

“CHRI—“

In the twelfth clip, you and Tessa Thompson were reading out thirst tweets together: “The feminine urge to fall asleep cuddled into Y/n’s boobs is too real, pls come here mommy.” You read out, giggling all the while.

“The urge is so strong.” Tess commented, nodding her add as she sneakily glanced at your chest with a innocent smile.

“Come here, baby.” You joked, laughing as you opened your arms for her and she practically leaped into them, resting her head on your chest.

“I’m living the dreams of millions right now and it feels amazing.” Tessa gloated jokingly, pulling away from you with only final squeeze and a little wink the camera caught.

“I concur.” You grinned back.

The thirteenth clip was you and Tom Hiddleston, talking with an interviewer on a carpet event. His arm was around your waist and both of you were wearing smiles greeting the interviewer.

“So, obviously, you both act in marvel movies, but not really close together! If you could, would you want to work more closely and have you characters be more involved?”

“I absolutely would.” Tom immediately replied with an honest, heartwarming smile. “And personally, it’s not even a fact of our characters being intertwined it’s more that working this fantastic woman beside me is a gift I have come to deeply cherish, truly it’s an honour. And I suppose, if our characters were to get involved, so to speak, that I would enjoy that because this is the y/n y/l/n, I’d be a mad man not to want that.” He finished charmingly.

You grinned, taking a bow, and both Tom and the interviewer laughed before that clip cut as well.

The fourteenth clip was at Comic-Con, mostly everyone on the cast had already been called out and taken their seats and then your name was called, the audience erupting into loud cheers.

Sebastian, who was sat next to your assigned seat, hopped and and jogged over to offer you his arm as you grinned and waved at everyone—the crowd screaming louder at his actions.

The screams only increased as Chris Evans and Don Cheadle got up to pull out your chair for you to sit down in—you pretended to swoon into Sebastian before kissing all of their cheeks and taking your seat.

“Where was the treatment for me?” RDJ joked.

“Man, they’re just whipped. But, like, who isn’t for Y/n?” Anthony stage whispered back to him and the crowd literally roared in excitement.

The fifteenth clip was Aaron Taylor-Johnson being interviewed with Lizzie for the Age of Ultron press, most probably.

“So, Aaron, obviously your character—spoilers, sorry—isn’t with us anymore but if you had the chance to explore Pietro more, who would you have wanted to explore a romance with?”

“(Your Character) definitely, Y/N.” Aaron answered with a little sheepish grin at the speed and Lizzie giggled into her palm.

“I’m not making fun, I agree, for myself.” Lizzie commented unprompted.

“Why is that?” The interviewer questioned.

“Why—mate, I think it’s pretty obvious. Y/n is such a stunning person, inside and out, I would have loved to—and obviously her character is extremely sick and I’m certain the relationship between her and Pietro would’ve been the stuff of legends but. . come on, Y/n Y/l/n is my real reason.” Aaron joked.

“Get your own girl, she’s mine.” Lizzie glared.

There were still many minutes left of the video left and that alone astounded you; overcome with cackles, you forwarded the video the your Marvel groupchat—so yall bitches like obsessed with me or sum 🥰🥰🥰

[mmkkzz]

be my anchor

pairing: chris evans x actress!reader

summary: you and chris are at the premiere of your new movie, the materialists. chris gets anxious on the red carpet, and you help calm him down. once you both get to the after party, it’s only a matter of time before you’re all over each other.

*a/n: in celebration of chris’s birthday today and the release of the materialists🎈❤️🎁

word count: 1.8k

warnings: smut, unprotected sex, public-ish sex/bathroom sex, oral (f recieving), praise kink, size kink, minors DNI

Something seemed off. You subtly glanced around the red carpet, smiling at the paparazzi as they took your photos.

Then, your eyes found his.

You realized he’d been staring at you. You noticed how his hands were slightly shaking as he fidgeted with his necklace. His eyes looked like they were begging you for help.

Careful to not break your smile, you walked over to him. The flash of the cameras sped up as you pulled him into a hug.

“You okay?” You whispered in his ear as you hugged him.

He mumbled back one word in response: “overwhelmed”

You gave him a short nod. You hated seeing Chris like this. It wasn’t the first time you’d seen him get anxious or overwhelmed, but it always broke your heart.

You both had become quick friends after meeting while filming The Materialists. Something about you felt safe and comfortable to Chris.

You slipped your arm around his waist, leaning into his touch as you both smiled for photos. He softened into you, resting his hand on your back. He already felt calmer with you.

You stayed glued to his side for the rest of the red carpet. You whispered little assurances in his ear any chance you could, like “take a breath” or “I won’t leave. I’ve got you.”

Then, you got to the section of the carpet where they had reporters waiting to interview the cast members.

“Chris, Chris! Over here!” One of them called towards him.

He laced his fingers around your wrist, pulling you with him. “You look amazing tonight. Who are you wearing?” The reporter asked Chris.

“No no no. She’s the real star tonight. She looks beautiful.” He said, directing his attention to you and spinning you around for the camera.

You knew it was just his attempt to get the attention off of him as much as possible, but you felt your heart flutter as he complimented you.

You’d be crazy if you said you hadn’t developed some feelings for Chris while working together.

Eventually, he let go of your hand, but you made sure to not stray too far as you both did separate interviews. You continued to catch his gaze over your shoulder, and you’d give him small reassuring smiles.

By the time you’d both gotten inside, Chris felt exhausted.

You scanned the room for him, quickly recognizing those blue eyes. “How’re you feeling?” You asked, rubbing your hand up and down his forearm. He almost shuddered under your touch.

He was embarrassed by how much your touch calmed him down. It was like gravity— pulling him back down to earth and out of his head.

“I’m doin’ better now. Thank you for that, out there. It’s just one of those days and everyone screaming just really psyched me out.” He said, tugging you into a tight hug.

The tension melted out of his body— your presence recharged him. Even he was shocked by how much more comfortable he felt in your arms.

“I’m always here if you need to talk or just need someone to distract you.” You said, caressing his back as he hugged you.

He continued to cling to you. He wasn’t ready to let you go yet. His arms dipped lower and lower on your waist.

He nuzzled his face into your neck. You jumped as the cold metal of his necklace hit your chest. “You gettin’ comfy?” You teased him, still trying to bring a smile to his face.

It felt like a line was crossed.

This was beyond friendly affection.

Like all those days on set where you both lingered too long after a hug or you caught his eyes flick down to your lips after the director called cut.

“I’m gonna miss you when we’re not doing press anymore.” He mumbled into your skin.

You could feel all the heat rush to your cheeks as your stomach did flips. “You could still see me…if you wanted.” You said, slowly testing the waters.

You had to be sure that you weren’t reading this wrong.

“By seeing you…do you mean like seeing you seeing you. Like a date?” He whispered, careful to not let anyone overhear.

You pulled out of the hug. Your eyes were stuck on his. “If that’s what you want,” you responded. He swore under his breath seeing you look up at him through your eyelashes.

“You want to go talk somewhere more private?” You asked him, softly.

Then, suddenly he was dragging you behind him— his hand clenched around yours.

You both snuck down a back hallway until he found an abandoned bathroom. He tugged you inside, quickly locking the door behind you.

He spun back around to face you, his hands naturally finding your waist. Then, he kissed you. It was slow and hesitant at first, wanting to take his time to do it right. He wanted your first kiss together to be special.

You weaved your fingers through his hair, softly tugging as he kissed you. He tasted like spearmint, and you could smell his citrus cologne.

His tongue snuck into the kiss, smirking against your lips. He guided you backwards until you bumped into the sink.

He pulled out of the kiss, but only for a second to lift you onto the counter. “You sure about this?” You asked.

“Sweetheart, I’ve never been this sure about anything.” He said, kissing you again.

This kiss was hungry and impatient, his teeth softly sinking into your bottom lip and then running his tongue back over the spot. You hooked your fingers into his belt loops, tugging him closer to you.

The feeling of him against you was like a drug, and you couldn’t get enough.

He spread your legs, bunching your dress up around your hips. “Oh, fuck, honey. You’re soaked.” He groaned, setting his eyes on the wet spot forming between your legs.

“All for you, baby,” you encouraged him. He swiftly pulled your panties down your legs. His eyes met yours, and you could barely see the blues in his eye. They were almost completely black with lust.

He licked his lips as he looked down at you. He looked like he could devour you at any second.

All of a sudden, he was on his knees and his head was in between your thighs.

“Oh, shit,” you swore, leaning your head back against the mirror.

He teasingly ran his tongue through your folds, going deeper each time. You jutted your hips up, trying to get more from him. He was taking his time with you— making you unravel slowly.

He pinned your legs open, wrapping his arms around your thighs. “Taste so good,” he mumbled, placing a kiss on your clit. The sensation made your whole body jolt.

“Oh, god, Chris,” you moaned, lacing your fingers through his hair. He sucked on your clit, noticing how your grip on his hair tightened. So he did it again. And again.

Your stomach was in a tight knot that you felt like could burst at any second. Each lick and stroke from Chris’s tongue brought you closer and closer to the edge.

The coil in your stomach started to build. You felt your muscles start to contract. Then, nothing. You whined at the loss of contact.

When you opened your eyes, you saw Chris smirking at you. He quickly unhooked his belt and tugged down his pants.

“Sorry for making you wait, but I gotta know what you feel like, sweet girl,” he said, pulling his cock out of his boxers. He was swollen with precum leaking out the tip. You swore under your breath and bit down on your lip.

He chuckled as he watched your reaction. He pressed a quick kiss to your lips. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. We’ll make it fit.” He promised you, lining himself up.

His cock sunk into you. Every time you thought you were taking all of him, he kept pushing deeper. You sunk your nails into his shoulders, desperate to hold onto something.

He bottomed out inside you, earning a moan from you. His balls were pressing against your ass, and you were so full you could feel him in your stomach. If you weren’t wearing a dress, you knew you'd see a bulge in your belly where he was.

You struggled to catch your breath. Catching you by surprise, he pulled out and then quickly slammed back into you. You loudly moaned— your eyes rolling back into your head.

“Quiet, baby. Can’t have people overhearing us,” he told you, as thrusted into you again.

You struggled to hold back a moan that time, sinking your teeth into your bottom lip. He kissed you, letting your moans muffle into his mouth as he sped up his pace.

His hips were snapping into yours with so much speed and impatience. You both needed your highs, and you didn’t want to stop until you got them.

He grunted against your lips. He was hooked on the way you squeezed around him— feeling so much better than his hand ever did.

“You’re doing so good for me, sweetheart.” He mumbled against your lips. The praise only added to the wetness between your legs. He wrapped your legs around his waist, becoming addicted to the lewd sounds coming from where your bodies were joined.

You were already close. You thrusted your hips forward to meet his. He pulled out of the kiss— a string of curses leaving his lips. He pressed his forehead against your shoulder, grunting with each thrust.

“You almost there, baby? You can do it. I know you need it.” You encouraged him, stroking his hair. He didn’t think he’d be so into you praising him, but he felt his hips moving faster as he chased his high.

Your legs were shaking around him. You felt like you were seeing stars. His thumb found your clit, drawing tight circles. “Oh, Chris. I’m gonna—” you moaned, grabbing onto his shoulders.

He gripped your hips tighter. Your orgasm hit you. You called out his name as pleasure washed over you. He wasn’t long behind you— his hips snapping against yours and shooting his load inside you.

He slowed down his thrusts, easing you both down. You both were panting as you tried to recover from your orgasms. “That was so good, baby.” You mumbled, breathlessly.

“You have no idea.” He said, meeting your lips with a kiss. You kissed him back softly. It was a lazy kiss as you both came back down to earth.

“What do you say we get out of here and I take you out to dinner?” He asked you, interlacing his fingers with yours.

You giggled at how nervous he seemed— given your previous activity. “That sounds like we’re doing things in the wrong order, but that sounds really nice.” You said, kissing him again.

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Let me know if you want to be added to my taglist for all my fics or for a specific character/fandom!!

[mmkkzz]

Go To Sleep

Summary: Chris comes home to the three of you asleep. Part of Mama series.

Pairing: Single Dad!Chris Evans x Reader

Chris came home. Only Dodger greeted him which is nuts. You’re usually there with the baby. Jackson trails behind yelling “DADDY!” or “PAPA!” But no, it’s just Dodger. He loves Dodger but Chris loves having the whole calvary rush to him even your little dog.

“Y/n? Honey?” Chris called out.

Nothing. Not a peep.

He dragged his suitcase with him as he searched for his people. Chris checked the living room. He checked the kitchen. He checked Jackson’s bedroom. He checked the nursery. Nobody’s around.

He came to the master bedroom. You’re propped up in bed with his youngest on your shoulder with a burp cloth. You’re out cold along with the baby. Jackson is beside you cuddle up with your dachshund barely keeping his eyes open on the tv playing Looney Tunes. Chris smiled. He loves the sight he’s seeing. It’s his whole family- his whole world in one room.

Chris walked over to you and leaned over. He kissed the side of your head and your cheek. You hummed barely stirring. He reached out to Jackson and rubbed his back.

“Go to sleep, Bubba,” Chris whispered.

“Otay,” Jackson mumbled closing his eyes.

Chris carefully grabbed his little girl out of your arms. Your eyes flew open and you looked to see who dares to steal your child from you. You’re ready to fight— you’ve been trained to fight. It’s been awhile but you workout… sometimes. You’ll go Mama Bear on their ass.

“Go back to sleep,” Chris said softly as he swatted your hands away.

“You stole my child,” you whined and narrowed your eyes looking at him.

“Ours,” he corrected as he kissed his little girl’s chubby cheeks. “And I want to hold her.”

“You always hold her,” you whined.

He toed off his shoes and told you, “scoot over.”

You scoot up next to Jackson. Chris carefully got in and sat back with his little girl on his chest. He carefully removed his tie which you quickly helped with and put on the nightstand. He sighed happily.

“Jackie-,” you said as he climbed over you to get to his dad.

“Jacks,” Chris said.

Jackson grunted and put his head above his dad’s hip. He rubbed his eyes before snuggling closer. You take the opportunity to rest your head against Chris’s bicep. Dodger hopped up onto the bed and immediately laid on top of Chris’s legs.

“Guys,” Chris said.

“Just go to sleep,” you sassed.

[mmkkzz]

Mama Masterlist

Summary: Chris’s son, Jackson, loves calling you Mama.

Pairing: Single Dad!Chris Evans x Actress!Reader

Mama

Summary: Chris’s little man calls you mama during an interview.

Mama’s Day

Summary: Chris and Jackson surprised you.

Papa’s Day

summary: it’s Father’s Day.

Still Here

Summary: you asked Chris to get takeout.

Go To Sleep

Summary: Chris comes home to the three of you asleep.

Headcanons

How they’re handling a baby on the way, first time Jackson says mama, how mama sees Jackson, Chris’s hesitation on dating,

[mmkkzz]

like fuel to fire - chapter two

do you want me on your mind or do you want me to go on?

Pairings: Original female! Character x Joel Miller, Original female! Character x Ellie Williams (platonic)

A/n: taking me some time, but here they are again! Next chapter more stuff is going to happen, promise.

Warnings: canon violence, swearing, blood, smut, strangers to lovers (maybe?), profanity of sacred places (add a bit of religious kink too).

Rating: Explicit (+18)

Tagging list: @maegelletargaryen @joels-princess @livyjh @moonyatnoon @elliesfqrefly @mmkkzz

The silence of the place doesn’t betray the presence of two more souls in there.

“Get some rest. Tomorrow you can hide here while I take a look how things are outside.”

She has left them getting comfortable in one of the corners of the chapel, cushions, some stolen sleeping bags and old clothes forming improvised mattresses. A promise of a much needed time of rest and the illusion of safety.

She is sit by one of the benches not used for further purposes, a first aid kit next to her. A couple of candles and a camping lamp giving an eerie glow to the shadows that dance on the cold stone walls—white paint peeling and flaking like ancient skin, revealing big patches of stone and hints of humidity.

“Fuck.” She grits, needle tightly hold by her fingers as she tries to properly stitch herself, the wound by her non-dominant forearm burning with pain.

She doesn’t even hear those steps until he is by her side.

“Let me.” He mutters, kneeling with a soft grunt and taking the needle from her hand with a care that does not suit the man that was ready to shoot his way out of a gunfire by himself hours ago.

And she lets him stitch her, silently observing him.

Joel has had his own experience with wounds and cuts, and it shows. The way he carefully guides the needle through her skin, metodical and clean, shows it is not the first time he has had to do it, and she wonders what has driven him to a place like Kansas City.

“You gotta rest, I can take tonight’s watch” he doesn’t raise his voice, and for a moment he doesn’t even seem to dare to look at her.

“Don’t tell me you care ‘bout me…” she scoffs, half silent, and for a moment his gaze meets hers in the dim light.

“Y’know what I mean.”

She could swear his cheeks get a bit of color. Flustered, he clears his throat, focusing on the stitches while she stifles a smile.

He has not questioned her since they left the store, eyes scanning their surroundings, like having set his own priorities and worrying about the kid’s safety first.

“Thank you” she mumbles when he has finished, the tip of her index finger grazing the dressing.

He hums, and the moment their gazes meet she can feel a warm feeling inside her, something strange, almost appealing. He is a survivor, just like her, and the lines of his face unveil such a difficult path he has been following since long ago.

“Gotta ask” his voice fills the usual void there, and she finds it to her liking. “Why a place like this?”

She leaves him space to sit next to her, both of them with their eyes upon the altar, like in a sort of attempt to picture how things where twenty years ago.

“Mama used to take me to pray for my dad’s safety every damn day. I wondered if God ever existed… The question answered itself when Cordyceps took my family away. First my siblings, and mom went insane. She came after them, and then dad.”

Joel looks at her, sideways, silent. His hands gently twitching here and there.

“Never had myself for a man of faith.”

“Never did I.”

A moment of silence. Not a sound to break the peace of the moment, not a thought that is not loaded with shadows of a want unnamed.

Her gaze goes from the shadow of the holy cross long gone by the altar to the man by her side, and the dim light of the room helps her better to put a history to that thoughtful face, to those sad eyes and that broken watch. She surprises herself pleased by the whole of it.

“You shouldn’t go alone out there.”

“I’m not alone.” She doesn’t even notice how her voice threatens to break with that last word.

Her gaze goes from Joel to the place where a cross hanged from the wall, relying in that strange comfort his mere presence brings despite the echoes of sadness surrounding them both.

“We saw the QZ doors wide-opened.”

“It all blew up.”

“No FEDRA…”

“Not as of ten days ago.”

She is not looking at him, but she feels his gaze upon her, calculating, assessing, filled with an unnamed concern that he doesn’t hide as skillfully as he believes.

“Always heard KC FEDRA was—”

“Monsters? Savages?” she doesn’t raise her voice. “You heard right. Raped and tortured and murdered people for twenty years.” She doesn’t even notice the twitch of his hands, the badly hidden urge to search for some comfort, for some grounding—she doesn’t need it, at least it is what she thinks. “And you know what happens when you do that to people? The moment they get a chance, they do it back to you.”

“But you’re not FEDRA.” She doesn’t see him frowning, his lips clenched in a scowl.

For a moment she doubts if she should tell him all. Not even Perry knows it completely, and that urge disturbs her.

“No, I’m not.”

“Why help us?”

It sounds more like a plea than a question, and that tugs at her heart more than she would have ever liked to.

"If things would have gone as they should, I would have taken part in the uprising… And probably I would have taken Brian’s place.” She turns to face him, and his gesture softens when their gazes meet. “I know this city. I’ll take you outta here and help you with your supplies. There’s no need for you to—”

“Come with us.” She wants to say no, but something inside her pushes to stay silent. “We’re headed to Wyoming, Ellie and I.” She clenches her jaw, fighting to resist the urge to agree, mind racing with possibilities. “It’s not safe here and you know it better than any one”, his voice is filled with a quiet urgency that tugs at her heart.

Damn, it is true. After two decades of abuses, people had gone feral, and the chances to make it in a place like Kansas City are slim to none. She has seen the madness that lurked behind desperate eyes, heard the echoes of old lives collapsing. Chaos taking form, people returning to their supposed keepers all atrocities suffered for years.

“Joel—”

A noise coming from outside calls her attention. She likes to leave at least one of the windows ajar, her attention always outside in case any one or anything dares to disturb the relative peace she has built for herself. She lifts a hand as she rushes to the altar, her fingers opening the lid to an improvised hiding spot and taking a rifle from it. She knows there is no need to ask him for silence as he quickly lowers himself, an eye upon her for some backup and another to the door of the sacristy where Ellie rests, the last time he saw her she had fallen asleep hugging an issue of Savage Starlight.

She leans the arm against the border of the window, the scoop scanning their surroundings from the shadows of the place, her index finger gently looming over the trigger, knowing well that she left it ready to use, a second option to consider in case of need.

Nobody to disturb the relative peace of the evening. No target around.

“Took it from FEDRA” she finds herself saying as she returns the arm to its resting place, as if she can read his mind and answer any questions he may have. “The resistance has its guns under control.”

Her voice is almost clinical, far from any kind of emotion and, despite her not really noticing it, Joel does and he approaches her by the altar, eyes observing her with something Alana can’t name—at least not yet.

The tension in the room crackles like electricity, words hanging unspoken.

“How long?” His voice is soft this time, a balm to her wounds, and she frowns when she realizes her own vulnerability.

“Fuck…” she grits, voice low. “Don’t.”

A part of her doesn’t want to face him, but she does it, and that sad gaze entices her like a siren chant, pulling her closer despite the warnings in her head.

“Fourteen months.”

And he gets closer too, fingertips gently grazing hers. His presence can fill a room even if he doesn’t mean it.

“Can’t offer you much, but maybe we’ll get to a safe place in the end”, he mutters, his other hand gently close to her jawline, the back of two fingers looming over it, like silently asking for permission to actually touch her.

She leans into his touch, eyes fluttering closed as he brushes her cheek, the outside world briefly forgotten in the sanctuary’s hush. No infected, no resistance—for a moment not even Ellie.

“I know well what grief can lead one to”, they are impossibly close, that much she can even smell the scent of his shirt—a mixture of soap, musk and gunpowder mixed with something nameless, something that grounds her. “You deserve peace o’ mind. And freedom.”

“You think you can give that to me?” She mutters, a half-lidded gaze upon him, observing his features sculpted by the dim light of the place.

“At least can try.”

She leans into him, tiptoeing, searching for his lips, finally giving up, hands cupping his face as he leans into the kiss, rough at first, like not being used to be that close to anybody.

Truth be told, both of them lost that habit long time ago.

With one of his hands by her waist and the other gently in the gape between her cheek and her nape he just doesn’t kiss her, but devours her with a desperation only matched by that she holds deep inside her covered by walls thicker than stone, her heart thundering with every heartbeat as she lets him break through each layer one by one. A soft whimper takes form at the back of her throat as he pulls her to the altar, a smile curving her lips as he nibbles her lower lip, a flicker of amusement crossing his features.

“Holy fuck” she mutters, breathing a laugh as she pushes herself up to sit on the communion table, the place once dedicated to praise holiness and preach about virtues transformed by need in a hiding spot, and by lust in an altar to their raw need, her pulse racing beneath his palms as she drags him closer, daring the world to interrupt.

She can even swear the corners of his lips twitch into a smile of some sort.

Her hands clutch the front of his flannel and suddenly it feels like it is good to have him that close to her, to have his warmth bleed into her, and his hands praising her body doesn’t even dare to object to that fact.

“Alana…” he breathes when she nibbles his jawline, teasingly, before sowing it with licks and kisses, her hands going under his shirt almost at the same time that his go to the fly of her jeans, received by the unconscious grind of her hips against his touch.

A smile against his skin reveals how much she likes when he calls her by her name.

She doesn’t even notice when Joel taps her on the hip, and she helps him lower her pants enough for them to properly let them keep going. A sound between a moan and a hiss escapes her lips when her butt, only covered with a pair of cotton panties, touches the stone, cold and unforgiving. The initial sensation fades the moment two fingers, stronger and rougher than hers, go over her crotch, teasing her over the cloth, ripping a gasp from the back of her throat.

“Jesus…” he mutters, eyes clouded with need, despair and lust, their gazes crossing midway, similar one to the other. “Have you ever…?” The moment she nods, a gentle hum as an answer as she can’t help but look at him in the eye, his fingers hook over the panty and meet her folds, ripping a soft groan from him.

Joel teases her, relishing on her arousal enough to be able to painfully slowly pulling in a finger, and then another, and then curling them both over that sweet sweet spot that quickly makes her see stars, and he feels himself obliged to devour her to muffle any possible sounds that may come from them.

It is not good, it is not correct, but if feels like it.

When she manages to unbuckle his belt and zip down his jeans she knows she is doomed, but something deep down pulls her to search her own bliss for once, to search for some warm comfort between the arms of that man she knew nothing about mere hours ago.

The feeling of his rough hands upon her thighs, fingers gripping flesh with a hunger she never knew but at the same time with a reverence that makes her feel seen breaks her heart, mending it with the warmth seeping from his skin, a wrap of safety she fears she has only dreamt with.

He slowly pulls into her, and the stretch makes her hiss, the initial discomfort quickly turning into something she hadn’t feel for a very long time. They keep devouring each other as they ride the other to a much needed bliss, and a moan gets muffled against his mouth when she gets to touch it, legs crossed behind him thanks to having took off her pants before in a moment she doesn’t even remember; he follows afterwards, her heels gently digging into the flesh of his lower back, a raw and furtive tear slipping down his cheek as he focuses on the soft skin of her neck, a silent sob reverberating in his chest when with a soft whisper she promises him she will go with them to Wyoming.

…

She takes a deep breath as her eyes observe the humvee leading the patrol along one of the main streets of the former QZ.

“You must be proud.”

“Took quite an effort, but it’s one of our greatest strengths.”

“You know I can easily fuck it with a clean shot, right?”

Perry turns to face her, his brow furrowed and his lips contorted in something that lays between a scowl and a grin. He is the one who took Alana under his care and taught her almost everything she knows.

“Y’should be careful, kiddo. There’s a merc on the city, he killed Brian’s group.”

Joel. She bites her lower lip, gently, almost unnoticeably, when the thought of the man comes to her mind.

“I did it.” She doesn’t even bother to look at him, her attention divided between the conversation and the sight of one of those deadly patrols set to locate any enemy to the Resistance.

Perry turns to face her, both eyebrows raised in a mix of surprise and anger.

“What the fuck—?”

“He was a pain in the ass, somebody had to control him and his hyenas.”

Alana just doesn’t let herself think about Joel and Ellie in that moment. Perry mustn’t know about them.

“You hurt your arm then?”

She nods with a hum, her eyes spotting the plow joining the patrol group. Certainly it will be a difficulty to try to avoid in their way to escape the city.

…

He frowns as his gaze is still on the window. He doesn’t like the wait, never been a fan of it.

“At least sit down, man.”

“Shut up.”

He doesn’t even want to close his eyes, the feeling of soft and warm skin still itches in his hands.

How pretty she looked when he made her come with his fingers, the frailty of her figure enlightened by something far beyond understanding. If he concentrates, it feels like he can still hear her whimpers in his mind, combined with the tiny broken pieces of his heart when she wanted him to come inside, to stay still as she took refuge in the crook of his neck.

“She’s gonna come back, right?”

A quick glance to Ellie is enough for him as an answer.

He has enough to assume that maybe, just maybe, the hollowness inside him ain’t that big as it used to be.

A muffled sound of locks and scraping heavy stuff against the floor calls his attention, and with a gun on his hand he leans out of the hiding spot that tries to resemble something like a small attempt of a home.

The sight of those bright eyes of hers makes him lower the pistol, finally letting out a breath he would never recognise he’s been holding.

“You okay?”

She nods, and he rushes to help her.

The mere brush of their hands when they are barricading the entrance is electric, and he can’t help but steal quick glances at her, observing her little quirks, how she makes this little pout as she works on the trip wire by the first window after the main doors of the place, how her brow furrows as she pushes a couple of benches back to their place, by the door, carefully placed to lock it so nobody can easily come into.

The three of them meet by the improvised room Alana made to herself using the sacristy, now their shelter.

“We’re fucked up. They’ve repaired the plow. And the fuckin’ humvee.” She huffs, and Joel spots Ellie’s restless figure readying a hundred questions. “Talked to the second-in-command, he says that they suspect the shit show was made by a mercenary.” She raises her gaze at him, and the sunbeams coming from the window give her eyes colours he didn’t notice before. “Congrats, they’re scared shitless and all because of you.”

[mmkkzz]

masterlist

FIRE AND BLOOD

Argella Durrandon

HOUSE OF THE DRAGON

the woman in winter (series) something rotten (series) daylight and the sun (series)

Aemond Targaryen

Cregan Stark

Davos Blackwood

Rhaenyra Targaryen

Jacaerys Velaryon (coming soon!)

Alicent Hightower (coming soon!)

A KNIGHT OF THE SEVEN KINGDOMS

broken spear, crowned storm (series)

Baelor "Breakspear" Targaryen

ROBERT'S REBELLION

the bastard queen (series)

Arthur Dayne

A GAME OF THRONES

all it needs it’s a spark (series)

Jaime Lannister

ad astra per aspera (series) ad victoriam (series) spes ultima dea (series)

Lucius Verus

General Marcus Acacius (coming soon!)

Tragedy in three acts (series) (coming soon!)

CC-2224 - Commander Cody (coming soon!)

Stellan Gios (coming soon!)

Din Djarin (coming soon!)

When you're lost in the dark (series) All or none (series) Like fuel to fire (series) (coming soon!) Curtis and Viper (series) (coming soon!) Echo home (series) (coming soon!)

Joel Miller

Ellie Williams (coming soon!)

Abby Anderson (coming soon!)

Owen Moore (coming soon!)

requests are: open!