Leo | 22 | any pronouns i just want somewhere to vent & post horny stuff that’s too much for the blog my bf reads
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We looked inside some of the posts by mmyneondreams and here's what we found interesting.
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incest fantasies turning to ash in my mouth as i watch my mom and brother develop and incestuous relationship in front of me :(
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ageregressing to 4lung rn you wish you were me you wish you were me
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little bird part of my brain that sees a maggot or pupa and thinks oh i should be eating that
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had an anxiety attack real bad while vibing with the boy
kept being like "why are you acting weird" "uoure freaking me out" etcetcetc
he panicked and kept drawing away, i panicked worse cuz he was drawing away, ensue spiral etcetc
he unplugged his computer and put it in the closet and turned off his phone. assured me the 1 time he touched it , it was for alarms and nothing else
i kept saying he didnt need to do that, he kept saying it had nothing to do with me, i dropped it
tried to talk over what happened a few times but he said didnt know what he was thinking/feeling, just wanted to be left alone to go to bed
????? i feel like Dog Shit.
ah i promised i wasnt bothered by him being on the computer several times. i have been bothered by that, i think i was just fawning/trying to set him at ease and that was wrong. i believed it in the moment 🥲 but it was not right. idk how to prevent that in the future but i will be keeping an eye out for it i guess.
#i def accused him of freaking me out/acting off/etcetc and was like 'you dont want me here youre gonna leave me' which was wrong and hurt#him. i apologized but he is still hurt. of course. because that is a hurtful thing for me to say.
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throwing up and crying cuz he has been telling me ovrr and over to just ask for it when i want sex and even got mad at me for not !! but every time i ask for it he wcts grossed out and turns me down or makes fun of me. idk what to do with myself.
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screaming crying throwing up because my partner won't do his share of the cleaning in the apartment even tho i have been fighting for my life to get him to for upwards of three months. ive been doing So Much and he is still leaving so many things undone and our cat little stinks and we have flies and im going insane.
#i have expressed repeatedly how important is to me he does this.#i have given him reminders. i have made charts. i have fucking mommed him & told him i am SICK OF THAT.#and today when i gave him another 'hey please please please do your cleaning today there are bugs in our kitchen and i cant do it for you#again' talk. he said 'i promise i'll do it today okay just remind me later and ill do it.'#i want to scream and scream and scream. AUGH.#but i will stay calm.
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had a dream last night about a girl getting her arms and legs amputated at the elbow & knee, then 8+ inch heated metal screws screwed into the exposed bone on the stumps. and was so hard i couldn't pee when i woke up. in case anyone was curious
#after the screws she was murderfucked (repeated stabbing & penetration of said stab wounds)#until she died#after that in the dream my boyfriend and i showed up and the same thing happened to us#and after we died it switched to another girl leading a squad of young soldiers into a massacre ??#the whole room stank of blood and burning bone. ouuughhhh
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soooo lame that my bf isnt a masochist. im lucky enough to find other people who will let me cut them & bite and scratch and whip them. but i neeeeed to see him cry
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i wont i wont be anorexic again actually. remember how bad it sucked to only be able to eat pre-made foods and other things that were easy to record calories for. remember having 1 cup of 3x watered down tomato soup. with oregano. remember black coffee. remember laxatives. remember walking for hours and hours and hours. remember desperately desperately running on the treadmill after you ate too much.
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what if i had an eating disorder again. just 4 fun
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been having an on and pff anxiety attack for three days straight over something that took 5 minutes and was No Big Deal At All. fuck offf. it's better now but i need to sit under a table with my ears covered in the dark for awhile to recover and i Cant. im at work so i have to just keep feeling like this with no outlet.
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so pissed off i feel depressed and empty and sad and broken like i havent since i was 19 what is thisss. i want to cut it out of my body it feels like there's stones in my chest and in my stomach.
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feeling very neglected and lonely because the 1 person i want attention from more than anyone else in the world has been mean to me recently + is not paying much attention to me at all
#:(#he said he wanted to Purposefully spend more time together so i was like yayy we'll make plans#but everytime i brought it up he was like no yuck it's bad time for that#so finally i just spent a few hours coming up with a Huge List of stuff we could do#and he was like awh thats so wonderful thats romantic tysm#but now every time i ask if he wants to pick one hes like awh im tired tho :( and goes back to video gaming.#i need to Communicate My Feelings on this but rn my feelings are just AAAAAAA#today he asked me to run to the gas station to get him a snack even i was super super busy. but i did it anyway.#and i came home and he was asleep 🫠#and our bed is stripped cuz i washed all the bedding but i couldnt get him to get up and now we're both sleepong on a bare matress.#i am. frustrated.
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google search what to do with my cisgender boyfriend who wont stop misgendering me
#and i cant kill him.#and i cant kill him. okay.#it is constant and pervasive and everytime i call him out on it hes like :(( sorry :((( i feel soooo bad im sorry :(((((( i just dont want#people to think im dating a boy :(((#and he poisons friendgroups for me by introducing me to them as a girl (which i then have to spend forever trying to work back) and im so#sick of it. and i CANT kill him.#the THING IS when we're alone he calls me a boy all the time and honestly has not misgendered me when its just the two of us in well over a#year. maybe two?#but whenever we're in front of anyone else he does without even thinking about it.#like it doesn't even matter.#it just sucks.
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togeso forreal i kinda want tofuck my littlesisrer but i never will and its probably a 'thats yucky so i want it thing' than a yhing idactually dobut she issokissable
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having a Really Bad Time gor the first time in a minute i think things will be okay but right now i want to throw up. hate fighting with my boy. i love my boy :( and im really hurt he just left me on my own to deal with. all of the things i am Feeling rn. but i think i will he okay. going to cry it out a little more then try to go to bed
#hes kindof being disrespectful and dishonest with me rn. because his feelings are hurt and he doesnt know how to handle it#and his feelings are hurt because we disagreed on something and neither of us will budge. and usually we do#and that is uncomfortable. for both of us. but he is taking that discomfort out on me which sucks :/#hes just been super irritable lately because of his new meds#its making me feel like i have to walk on eggshells around him and i hate it#hes mad or hurt or snapping at me over something multiple times a day at this point. im hurt and exhausted and idk what to do about it#he doesnt want to talk it out and he fell asleep anyway#ive just been sitting on the bathroom floor crying for the past half hour but i need to sleep soon#i have a ton to do tomorrow :(
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